David Dye's Blog, page 33

Remote Team Communication: How to Send Memorable Messages

Capture Attention Through Better Remote Team Communication

With so many people working from anywhere, effective remote team communication has never been more critical. But with so many digital distractions and competing priorities, how can you ensure that your team is paying attention to what matters most?

In our leadership development programs, we help managers get better at remote team communication by tapping into four key principles of memory: recency, repetition, recall, and emotion. By understanding and leveraging these principles, you too can become a master in the art of remote team communication.

Recency

Recency is all about sparking memory through recent experiences. By ensuring that your messages are timely and relevant, you increase the likelihood that your team will remember them.

Marketers know the “rule of the 7”  which states that people need to see a message at least seven times before they’re going to remember it. This is why you’ll see the same billboard for ice cream going in both directions on your commute to the grocery store.

Once to inspire you to remember that rocky road, and once to get the kids reminding you about what you “forgot” – an emotional tug that might make you more likely to cave the next time.

What this means for your remote team communication, is if something is important, it’s going to take more than covering it in your Monday morning team huddle, you need to keep those important messages in front of them. If your message is truly important make sure they’ve heard you talk about it recently.

Repetition

The close cousin of recency, repetition is another powerful memory enhancer. The more often you communicate key messages, the more likely they are to stick in your team’s minds. Like a catchy song, hearing the same information repeatedly can make it impossible to forget.

Plus, by repeating an important message you’re differentiating it from the rest of the noise. Your team thinks, “Gosh this must be important if they keep talking about it. I’d better pay attention.

Of course, repeating the same message the same way will get annoying, and your team will tune out. Effective remote team communication mixes it up, more on that later.

Recall

Recall is all about accessing information. When your team members have to recall information to answer questions or do their work, they are more likely to retain it. So, make sure to give them opportunities to use the information you’ve shared.

If you’re familiar with our foundational leadership concepts, you’ll know we’re big fans of a check for understanding. One of the many reasons a “check for understanding” is so powerful is that it requires your team to recall what they heard. You don’t leave understanding to chance.

Emotion

Finally, emotion is a powerful memory trigger. When we experience strong emotions, we tend to remember more about our surroundings. By tapping into your team’s emotions, you can make your messages more memorable.

Emotion is one of the elements missing from most boring remote team communication. And, a message doesn’t need to be emotional to be delivered in an emotional way.

For example, recording a funny video or writing a haiku about a strategic priority is memorable because it contains the element of surprise, and silliness, all of which trigger emotional memories in your team’s brains.

Communicate Five Times, Five Different Ways in your Remote Team Communication

So, how do you put these principles into action?

Using one of our 6 concepts you can’t lead without, five-by-five communication. If something is critically important, you don’t want to communicate it once or twice.

Mix it up using the principles of recency, recall, repetition, and emotion, and communicate five times, five different ways. By using a variety of remote team communication channels and getting creative, you can keep your team engaged and enhance their memory of important information.

5 x 5 in Practice

Let’s say you’re a sales leader and you want your team to remember to pitch a new product to every customer. Sending five emails isn’t that much more effective than sending one.

Way 1

But imagine you start with a big town hall where you bring everyone together in person, with balloons, and tell a few strategic stories about how this new product has helped the customers in your pilot roll-out (that’s way one). This has a bit of emotion because it’s not every day that you ask people to come to the office and dig out the helium tanks.

Ways 2 & 3

Next, you might mix up your remote team communication, by making this the first topic in your virtual one-on-ones. Way two, you change this week’s one-on-one calendar invite to “Bring Your Ideas for Product Launch.” This triggers recall, as they think back and review their notes from the town hall, and then when you actually have your one-on-one, you’re talking about it again.

Way 4

Your fourth communication might be to roll out a recognition program, for the first month’s highest sellers of the new product, which you celebrate with a running leaders board on your intranet.

Way 5

And your fifth way could be another way to ignite emotion like you dressing in a costume and visiting each of your remote locations.  Before you laugh and say, “Who would do that?” Karin did. This is her dressed as Leia along with her direct reports, visiting 110 stores across a nine-hour radius, to get them excited about selling Android phones back in her Verizon days.

As a remote leader, mastering team communication requires a deliberate and consistent effort. By focusing on recency, repetition, recall, and emotion, you can ensure that your messages are heard, understood, and remembered.

Your turn. What are your best practices for helping your remote team pay attention to, and remember important messages?

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Leadership Perspective from Desert Island Donkeys

“There’s nothing more deceptive than an obvious fact.” – Arthur Conan Doyle. Leadership perspective creates different kinds of creative solutions that make far more sense and have more support than the limited but obvious approach you might have started with. Many times, particularly as a leader, a tough question is way more important than having an easy answer, and a discussion is more valuable than the dictate. Can you identify the issues that are obvious to everyone and find value in the different perspectives?

Leadership Perspective from Desert Island Donkeys

00:11

As we’re talking about obvious facts, getting into leadership perspective, curiosity and how obvious facts can hamstring us as leaders. That’s where we’re going today. But before we do, wanted to let you know that Karin and I are hard at work on our next book. It’s coming out next year, so a little under a year from when you’re listening to this in real time.  It’s about workplace conflict and all about powerful phrases that you can use to deal with workplace conflict. This is the kind of resource that you can use yourself, that you can certainly give to all of your team and all of the human-centered leadership approaches that you’re so accustomed to on the show will be talking about in terms of how you can do those as team members and have those kinds of conversations with one another and not from an assumption that conflict is bad or negative.

02:02

Conflict can be very helpful. Effective teams and good leaders should be having good, productive conflict around ideas that help us to make better decisions.  We are doing a world Workplace Conflict and collaboration survey, and we have a little over 5,000 participants around the world right now. So wherever you are, would love to invite you to participate in the survey, and you can do that at WorldWorkplaceConflictSurvey.com.  It’ll just take five minutes and we’d love to get your voice. We are collecting people’s experiences of workplace conflict, what they’re experiencing today, what your experience has been in the past, stories of conflict, stories of collaboration, and what makes it all work. So we’re taking all of that data and incorporating it into the book and findings as well. We’d love to get your voice.

03:33

Let’s turn our attention to leadership perspective and there’s nothing more deceptive than an obvious fact. What’s going on there? Well, there is this desert island in the South Caribbean. It’s called Bon Air. If you’re a scuba diver, you certainly are familiar with it because that is what it’s globally most known for, is scuba diving. It has fantastic coral reefs, flamingos, sea salt production, and oddly donkeys. So desert islands, fantastic coral reefs, flamingos, and sea salt all occur naturally. Donkeys, not so much, so where’d they come from? Well, in the 1600s, Spaniards brought donkeys to the island to haul salt and equipment. They evaporate the salt water and get salt, and you’ve got this nice sea salt. So you’re having the donkeys haul the equipment around.

04:33

But then when more modern transportation became available, people abandoned the donkeys, let ’em go, and turned ’em loose to their own fate, and the donkeys roamed the island fending for themselves with no oversight or caretakers. But Bon Air is not the most hospitable environment for donkeys. It’s an arid climate, and you’ve got increased tourism and many donkeys fall victim to illness or car accidents. They’re also an invasive species. So you think about the donkeys eating any moisture-laden plants that they find. When Arthur Koen Doyle has Sherlock Holmes tell us, there’s nothing more deceptive than an obvious fact. I think he was talking to me about Bon Air’s donkeys. It’s an invasive species that’s suffering and harming the island’s ecology. Wouldn’t it make sense to solve the problem, obviously? Well, at least it was obvious to me. And so that brings us to one solution.

05:34:

The Donkey Sanctuary was started in 1993 to remove the animals from the incompatible environment and care for the sick, injured, and orphaned donkeys. Volunteers and donations would come in and help care for the several hundred donkeys that the sanctuary took in. They’d take care of injured donkeys, get them out of the wild, reduce their impact on the native plants, and animals, and reduce donkey-human conflict. I’ve actually visited the sanctuary. It’s hysterical, it’s a glorious donkey-saturated time of smacking lips, crunching carrots, and wide smiles. It’s a little freaky to see that many donkeys, but they’re a lot of fun. So that sounds like something everyone can get behind, obviously a good thing, right? Well, I thought so, but it turns out not everyone sees it the same way. There’s a petition that had more than 3000 people of the island’s population, which is only 20,000 people, to maintain Bon Air’s wild donkey population. They argue that the sanctuary’s practice of sterilizing male donkeys is eventually going to lead to the extinction of donkeys on the island. And for them, that’s a problem. Even though the wild donkeys aren’t indigenous, their supporters view the donkeys as part of their culture and heritage. It has been for the last 450 years. They also have concerns about the humane treatment of the donkeys within the sanctuary. So their bottom line is they want the donkeys to remain wild and for people to treat them well.

07:14

Do you recognize this kind of frustration? You figure out a great solution to an irritating problem, and you unveil it only to find out that not only do people dislike your solution, but they also don’t even see your problem as a problem. I have had this happen so many times as a new supervisor trying to solve an obvious inefficiency in a process that my team had no interest in changing. I have had it as a family member trying to better organize the kitchen and in those moments, I’m always inclined to dig in, explain why I’m right, try to, and I put this in quotes, help everyone else understand the facts that are so obvious to me. But if you’ve tried that, you already know how that ends. As the saying goes, those convinced against their will are of the same opinion.

08:08

Still, the donkey sanctuary situation made it clear to me that arguing is a waste of time and energy. Though it does sell commercials for talk shows and news channels. There’s another way to find leadership perspective, as someone wanting to be an effective human being. We can listen. When people can’t see what’s obvious to you, it’s not that they’re obstinate, ignorant, or broken. People are different. They have had different experiences, different values, different personalities. They’re looking at the world through filters just like you do. These are opportunities for us to listen, to get their insights, to find out what it is that’s obvious to them, and to look for the rightness in their perspective. What is it that makes such obvious sense to them that they’ll wonder how you could be so blind? For myself, I know that I’m a way better leader, parent, partner, and human being when I stop coming to everyone with all my answers, solutions, and my obvious facts.

09:14

Many times, leadership perspective means knowing a tough question is more important than having an easy answer, and a discussion is more valuable than the dictate. So as a leader, can you identify the issues that are obvious to everyone? Find the value in the different leadership perspectives, and it’s possible to find and create different kinds of creative solutions that make far more sense and have more support than the limited but obvious approach you might have started with. And no, it’s not always possible to craft a solution that meets every need, but you’ll never find it if you don’t look for it.

09:59

So some thoughts on leadership, courtesy of the donkeys on the desert island of Bon Air in the South Caribbean. Hope as you are thinking about your day going forward, find one place to show up with curiosity to investigate what are the obvious facts for someone else that isn’t so obvious to you, and be the leader you’d want your boss to be. Thanks for listening. And if you enjoyed that episode and want more stories like that, you can find a whole collection of essays and my most recent book Tomorrow Together, which is filled with Essays of Hope, Healing, and Humanity. Many of them with leadership applications just like our desert Island donkeys, but not all of them. Many of them do. Ask those tough questions, have lots of different reflections, and so forth. You can find tomorrow together, anywhere books are sold. Thanks for listening.

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How to Create a More Innovative Learning Culture #ATD23

A Learning Culture for Leadership Development

This week we took #AskingForaFriend on the road to San Diego at the Association of Talent Development Conference.

We lead two highly interactive programs. The first was about how to build an innovative learning culture. And, the second was a new one on building a more courageous career. If you’re looking for ways to build a more innovative learning culture on your team, we’d love to talk.

This special “Asking for a Friend series” offers insights relevant to learning and development professionals.

How to Get the Most out of an ATD Conference (or any professional development conference)Best Practices for Building an Innovative Learning Culture (insights from ATD participants using our Courageous Cultures tools to share best practices).Insights from our ATD Program, Practical Ways to Be More Daring.How to Get the Most Out of a Professional Development Conference

If you’ve been following our research on courage and innovation, you know about the powerful combination of clarity and curiosity. If you want great ideas, you need to be clear about what a good idea would accomplish. AND, show up curious and open to possibilities.

In this Asking for a Friend, I share several approaches for you to leverage clarity and curiosity to get the most out of any professional development conference.

Best Practices for an Innovative Learning Culture

We were delighted to facilitate a highly-interactive networking session. This was a new track for ATD. We began with a briefing on our  Courageous Cultures research. Then learning leaders used our “Own the U.G.L.Y” technique to have a candid dialogue and best practice sharing.

Here are just a few of the best practices direct from that session.

Be Just a Bit More Daring and Contribute to an Innovate Learning Culture

We experimented with some new approaches in this program. This was a bit meta. Since “be willing to experiment” is one of our 7 Practical Ways to Be a Bit More Daring.

In this video, I share 5 ways to be more courageous in YOUR career. And, I challenge you to conduct a “mini personal experiment.”

We would love to hear from you.

What’s one of your best practices for building a more innovative learning culture? Or, if you were at #ATD23 what’s one of your biggest takeaways?

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Should I Quit This Workplace Conflict? How to Know When It’s Time to Leave

How to Know If You Should Stay or Go

One of the heartbreaking findings in the World Workplace Conflict and Collaboration Survey was the number of people who said if they were faced with this workplace conflict again, they would quit, or quit sooner. Or as one guy from Denmark warned, “If you meet a psychopath at work, run!”

If you’ve been following our recent research and writing, you know we’re working on a book to empower you to deal with conflicts better and faster (Harper Collins, Spring 2024).  We hope to significantly expand your range of choices beyond “just quit.”

And, we’re not naïve. There are some situations you can’t save and some people who won’t engage, even with a well-spoken powerful phrase. Sometimes “quitting” the situation, the person, or even the job, is the best choice.

7 Questions to Ask Yourself if You’re on the Fence about Quitting a Workplace Conflict

How do you know if you should walk away from a conflict at work? Or even quit your job? Here are a few powerful questions to help you decide.

1. Have I tried?

This question is deceptively simple. It is so easy to get fired up, have an imaginary conversation in your mind, get frustrated, and dismiss the other person as toxic, hopeless, and not worth your time. But in all that thinking and stewing, you never actually had a conversation.

When you make a genuine effort to address a workplace conflict, you always come out ahead. Either the situation improves (that’s a clear win) or you gain critical information that you didn’t have before. It may be that your boss is truly an incompetent jerk who got promoted above their ability – but you don’t know that until you have the conversation.

If you don’t try, nothing changes. So, answer this one honestly and give yourself the gift of a better outcome – either because the conflict improved or because now you have certainty about what you’re facing. If you’re at a stalemate about something you can’t leave alone, it might be time for a carefully planned exit. 

2. What do I gain or lose by quitting?

Some of the situations described in our research felt like a scene from a movie, where our hero or heroine reacts in one bold, spontaneous move, “Well then I quit!” Most of the time, a wiser move is to take some time and objectively consider the pros and cons. Talk with a good listener who can help you think this through.

3. Is the workplace conflict impacting other areas of my life?

If you’re sick, exhausted, or crying in the paws of your labradoodle every night, it might be time to remove yourself from the toxic situation.

4. Do I feel good about how I’m showing up?

If you’re reading this article, you’re clearly interested in finding solutions. If you’ve detoured off the high road and started thinking “When did I become the jerk?” that might be a sign it’s time to stop engaging. Destructive behavior can be remarkably contagious.

5. Is conflict a pervasive organizational problem, or is it limited to one or two people?

Quitting is one approach if your boss is a psychopath. Alternatively, you could also document the issues and call HR. We’ve both survived some toxic bosses and co-workers over the years. Plus, you can learn a lot about what not to do and how not to behave from folks like this.

6. Is there a pattern?

If you find yourself in conflicts that rhyme over time, it could be there’s something about your approach or behavior at play. For example, if people are constantly stealing credit for your ideas, or shutting you down in meetings, you might need to advocate for yourself. If the conflicts seem to follow you, quitting is likely not the answer.

7. Is there an alternative path to accomplish my goal?

Back in my corporate days, I (Karin) had a deep, values-based workplace conflict with the way a very senior leader was treating people—which came to a head with what we’ll call the “TCCI (Toxic Courage Crushing Incident).

My boss, seeing the anger and frustration on my less-than-poker face, warned me, “If you care about your career, you won’t say a word.” Now, I knew my boss cared about me and my career. I also knew she wasn’t wrong about the prudence of shutting up at that moment—after all, there’s a difference between courage and stupidity.

I didn’t say a word, at least not to that senior leader, and not in that moment of workplace conflict.

But as it turned out, I found myself with an abundance of words. The Sunday after that TCCI, I started my Let’s Grow Leaders blog. After searching my soul and writing nearly every day for fourteen months, the blog had a significant international following, and I started getting asked to keynote speak and write a book. My tribe encouraged me to start my own gig —which is how we found one another, wrote a book, fell in love and now grow human-centered leaders on every continent (except Antarctica). Learn more about our story here.

If you’re faced with a conflict where the stakes feel too high, consider if there’s something deeper to learn about yourself, your values, and what you are meant to do next. Or as an old friend of mine, Bill, is fond of saying “Never waste a good ‘mad’.”

Your turn. What would you add? How do you know when it’s time to quit a workplace conflict?

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Performance Management: How to Give Feedback to a Team Member Who Isn’t Changing

My Feedback Isn’t Working…Performance Management for Repeat Issues

You take performance management seriously. You care deeply about your team, their results, and their long-term career success. If you’re reading this, it sounds like you’re feeling a bit frustrated and stuck, because your well-intentioned accountability conversations aren’t fixing a repeated issue. If this sounds familiar, today’s Asking or a Friend is for you.

“Karin, there is this person on my team that I really care about and want to be successful. But they have one important behavior that’s SABOTAGING THEIR SUCCESS… and they don’t seem to be able to fix it. I keep having the conversation AGAIN and AGAIN. What can I do? #askingforafriend

Human-centered performance management means giving meaningful feedback that reinforces clear expectations and gives space for emotions, support, and reflection. It’s a two-way conversation that helps the employee identify their own next steps. When you’ve had this conversation, and your employee repeats the past behavior then you know you need to escalate the conversation. Here’s how.

Performance Management with the A.R.T. Method

Let’s Grow Leader’s A.R.T. Method of Advanced Accountability is a popular technique in our foundational leadership development programs. The A.R.T. Method helps you escalate the conversation in a way that continues to build the relationship while striving for results.

Step 1: A – Action

Most feedback conversations start by discussing a specific action. The first conversation you have with someone about their performance should clearly address the specific behavior that is problematic – being late for meetings, dismissing a colleague’s ideas, or not following through on a task. You could use our I.N.S.P.I.R.E. Method to map out this conversation so it’s supportive and collaborative.

Step 2: R – Repetition

So if you’ve had two Action conversations and your team member repeats the behavior, it’s time to move to R-Repetition.

You can still use the I.N.S.P.I.R.E. Method, but this time instead of pointing out the problematic action, you will call attention to the repetitive pattern. For example, “I’ve noticed a pattern where you’re arriving late.”

If it’s a repeating pattern, it’s possible the person isn’t aware of their actions and they aren’t noticing the consequences of their behavior. When you address the issue, it makes it clear to them that you notice and can help them identify something they weren’t even unaware of.

The key to this performance management step that can bring about change is to ask for a specific commitment about what they will do differently. Then work together and agree on a time to “schedule the finish.” This means scheduling a time when you’re going to check in on progress and discuss how it’s going. When you schedule the finish, make sure you follow through and check in when the time comes.

Step 3: T – Trust

When you’ve had a recent Repetition conversation and the behavior happens again, you will need to escalate the conversation once more. This time your performance management conversation is about not keeping their commitment and the erosion of trust because of it. When you tell your team member what you’re noticing it won’t be about the original action.

Now the problematic behavior is them not keeping their commitment.

What to say when you have a trust issue

Here’s an example of what you could say if you get to the T – Trust part of the A.R.T. Method:

“Do you remember the commitment you made last Friday? So here’s the thing. I noticed that this week, you didn’t keep your word, and I’m concerned.

Listen, I want to be able to trust you. I know you want to be able to trust me as your leader, as your manager. You’ve got to be able to take my word and bank on it. And I want to have that same relationship with you. Right now, that’s not happening. I want to see you succeed. I want the best for you. It’s important that you achieve all of your goals here, and this is going to prevent that. So what’s happening here? How do you think we can fix it?”

I’m curious, what would you add? What are your best practices for addressing repeating performance issues?

Managers, for a detailed overview of the I.N.S.P.I.R.E. Method, see our article How to Provide More Meaningful Performance Feedback.

And if you are ready to accelerate team performance and positive, sustained culture change, check out Team Accelerator, our manager-led program.

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Leading with Experiential Intelligence with Soren Kaplan

Have you wondered how your past experiences affect your present success and future opportunities? Experiential Intelligence—the mindsets and abilities gained from your personal and professional life experiences– helps uncover just that. While you can’t change what’s happened to you or how you’ve responded to it, within your unique stories are hidden strengths waiting to be discovered. Your Experiential Intelligence (XQ) isn’t only what you’ve learned over time. It’s how you perceive challenges, view opportunities, and tackle goals.

In this episode with Soren Kaplan, author of Experiential Intelligence: Harness the Power of Experience for Personal and Business Breakthroughs, learn how to use your experiential intelligence to become a better leader, increase collaboration, innovation, and results, hire and develop talent using more strategic criteria and transform your organization’s culture. Experiential Intelligence reveals the psychological, sociological, and neurological forces that make us tick. Learn how to uncover your hidden assets, remove invisible barriers limiting peak performance, and amplify strengths to achieve breakthroughs for yourself, your team, and your organization.

Leading with Experiential Intelligence

6:35 – How IQ and EQ are part of how we know and move through the world. But experiential intelligence is another vital way of looking at what we know, the mindsets that shape our actions, abilities, and skills

8:03 – Why and how to understand the automatic pilot that has helped us survive, but might not best serve us or our leadership today.

9:24 – The difference between intelligence quotient, emotional intelligence and experiential intelligence.

12:22 – How mindsets get embedded in our consciousness based on our experiences. (Including a helpful example of how we learn to ride a bike.)

14:50 – The subconscious and conscious aspects of XQ. The opportunities in examining each and making intentional choices about how our experience informs are choices and actions today.

19:20 – An example of how we can take away empowering and self-limiting beliefs from the same experience.

21:00 – Mindsets can be self-limiting or self-expanding. Examining them and making choices about them is key.

27:27 – A practical application for XQ is in hiring and building teams. What do people know via their doing…are we capturing that and adding those skills to our team?

31:46 – Connecting the dots to build a library of your experientially gained mindsets, abilities and skills.

33:05 – The role of experiential intelligence in leadership vulnerability.

34:40 – How leaders can decode their mindsets and understand the rules we’re operating by, and rewrite them to show up differently.

41:09 – Examples of experiential intelligence in practice.

Connect with Soren

LinkedIn

Website

Get the Book

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Navigate Workplace Conflict: 3 Powerful Phrases to Foster Better Connection

Recognize the Humanity in Others as You Navigate Workplace Conflict

To effectively navigate workplace conflict, prioritize connecting with the human at the center of it all. Begin by acknowledging the situation and expressing your optimism about finding a resolution collaboratively.

Consider using these impactful phrases to start a conversation focused on empathy and understanding as you navigate workplace disagreements.

1. “I care about _____ (you, this team, this project) and I’m confident we can find a solution that we can all work with.”

This powerful phrase works well because you start by prioritizing the relationship, and (as we teach in our leadership programs) “put people before projects.”

That’s a reasonable starting point to navigate workplace conflict UNLESS it isn’t (or doesn’t feel) true.

If You Mean It…

Imagine that you’re in a clash with a coworker named Joe. You’ve come together to talk about it. Joe opens the conversation with what could be a Powerful Phrase, “I really care about you and this project, and I’m confident we can find a solution we can all work with.”

Well, if Joe’s basically a nice guy, who got you out of a bind last year when your little boy was sick… and, oh yeah, just last week he told your boss you’re a rock star at pivot tables (that sure was nice of him), that’s a solid way for Joe to start the conversation. You might think. “Well, I’m frustrated, but come to think of it, Joe always seems fair. Let me listen to what he has to say. He’s right. I bet we can work this out.”

Now imagine the same conflict. Different Joe. This Joe recently threw you under the bus and took credit for your work. Oh yeah, and last week he laughed at your idea during the staff meeting. In front of your boss and all the people. Now, if Joe starts the conversation the same way, by saying “I really care about you and this project…” you might think, “Nice try Joe, but that’s a hard stop. I don’t trust you.”

The Power of Connection

That’s the power of connection. The more connection you can build before you need it, the easier it becomes to navigate workplace conflict as it arises.

Connection happens one person at a time. As you seed the ground for easier collaboration, influence, and trust, one of the best things you can do is get to know the people you work with at a human level. Treat them with dignity and be trustworthy. It takes extra time, but you’ll earn it back many times over when you work through conflict.

That means paying close attention and making careful choices about how you show up in every interaction. If you haven’t invested in the relationship or the other person doesn’t trust your intentions, even the most carefully chosen words will fall flat. But more likely, your words will tank the trust even further.

2. “Let’s pause this conversation for a moment, and come back in (an hour, a few hours, tomorrow) and talk about this.”

This one’s useful if the conversation has gone sideways. When you’re in the heat of a workplace conflict, it’s hard to find the right words. Taking a minute to pause gives you both a chance to regroup and consider the bigger picture, the desired outcomes, and how to approach the conversation more productively.

You might also express empathy for the relationship, and your concern for saying something you might regret. “I care about you, and I’m concerned that I might say something at this moment that could damage our relationship. I could use a few minutes to regroup so that I can reengage in a more productive way.”

3. “It sounds like you’re feeling _____ is that right? [pause for affirmation]. Thank you for letting me know how you feel.”

This Powerful Phrase is a tried-and-true relationship-building technique called “reflect to connect.” When you “reflect to connect,” you’re not agreeing with what they’ve said or that you agree with their emotion. Rather, you acknowledge how they feel. You see them. When you reflect, you are checking for understanding and creating a common starting place for the conversation.

When they know you’ve seen and heard them, it diffuses some of the emotional intensity and builds a connection that allows you to move to constructive next steps. Checking in with the other person to validate their feelings can also help deescalate a conflict at any point in the conversation.

Here’s an example of this one in use: “It sounds like you’re really frustrated with the lack of response from marketing and that’s sapping your motivation. Do I have that right?”

These three powerful phrases will help you navigate workplace conflict. If you’re looking for more, check out this article for phrases to help create deeper clarity, curiosity, and commitment as well.

Coming Soon: More Ways to Move From Conflict to Collaboration

As you may have heard, we’re conducting a World Workplace Conflict and Collaboration Survey, and as of this writing (May 2023), we have over 5000 participants in 45 countries. The results so far are fascinating and so helpful as we write our next book coming in Spring 2024: Powerful Phrases for Dealing with Workplace Conflict: What to Say Next to Destress the Workday, Build Collaboration, and Calm Difficult Customers.

It’s not too late to take part, and we’d love to hear your stories of how you’ve navigated workplace conflict. The survey takes just a few minutes to complete. It’s anonymous, but if you choose to include your email, we will follow up with you and share the analysis and let you know when the book comes out.

More Articles to Help You Navigate Challenging Conversations

How to Say No at Work: Powerful Phrases to Stand Your Ground

How to Stop a Workplace Bully (Without Losing Your Lunch Money)

Influence a Know it All at Work (Powerful Phrases for More Confidence

The post Navigate Workplace Conflict: 3 Powerful Phrases to Foster Better Connection appeared first on Let's Grow Leaders.

Leading with the Enneagram with Karl Hebestreit

Do you want to gain insight and understanding in both yourself and your organization? The ability to take on another person’s point of view is a vital part of getting anything done successfully, and the Enneagram offers a unique and effective route to open people up to other ways of thinking. In this episode Karl Hebenstreit, Ph.D., author of The How and Why: Taking Care of Business with the Enneagram, provides an overview of Organization Development tools and frameworks traditionally associated with solving typical business challenges—infusing and enhancing them with insight from the Enneagram.

Pulling from over twenty-five years of Human Resources and Organization Development experience, Hebenstreit provides a practical guide to applying the Enneagram to a variety of business challenges and initiatives. Get easy-to-understand insights into the Enneagram model designed to be put to immediate use with existing Organization Development best practices to help create more robust solutions.

Leading with the Enneagram

07:02

What is the Enneagram?

09:25

How enneagram helps identify a core motivator that has been motivating us for our entire lives and will continue to motivate us for our entire lives.

11:04

What is the one key differentiator of the Enneagram that is its superpower over every other system?

12:57

Understanding how you want to be treated, and then understanding that other people may want to be treated differently is the next step.

14:52

What are ways to avoid using these tools to help avoid putting people in a box?

20:13

We all have nine types within us, and we have automatic connectivity to some types more strongly than others because there are lines that attach each type to one or two other types as well.

32:00

What is the consequence of missing out on different elements that aren’t the ones that are dominant in the workplace for workplace cultures?

Connect with Karl

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Website

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The Silent Ponderous Type: How to Help Your Team Member Speak Up in Meetings

Do You Have a Joe on Your Team?

Do you have someone on your team who doesn’t speak up in meetings…then shares all their excellent ideas and important perspectives after the fact?

“I have this guy on my team, let’s call him Joe. Joe is SO SMART, and there’s a problem. We’ll be in a meeting and he’ll just sit there quietly, not really saying anything… the meeting will end, and we’ll be walking out of the meeting and then he shares all the great ideas, his great perspective, and all the information that we really needed to talk about in the meeting. What should I do? How can I help Joe?” #askingforafriend

Joe is what we call in our book, Courageous Cultures, a SILENT PONDEROUS type. He’s got ideas but he doesn’t speak up in meetings. He’s not bringing his voice to the team as he could and probably should, results suffer and he’s potentially holding back his career

What You Should Know About the Silent Ponderous Type Who Doesn’t Speak Up in Meetings

They likely have great ideas but and can get frustrated with other people’s wacky ideas. They spend time thinking through their ideas to articulate them just right, and sometimes by the time they’re ready to share, the conversation has moved on.Often they need time to think and get clear on their ideas before they speak up in meetings. They don’t do well when put on the spot.There’s a good chance they’re concerned their ideas aren’t 100% accurate and they need permission to explore ideas openly.Practical Tips to Help Your Team Member Speak Up in Meetings

More Thoughts on Helping Joe Get Better Speaking Up in Meetings

Joe – might be right on the verge of a career breakthrough and he’s holding himself back by not speaking up in meetings. It’s hard to notice his innovative thinking if he stays silent. Not only can you help your team grow and get better results by helping Joe speak up, but you’ll also help his career.

1. Be curious with Joe about what’s going on.

If he’s consistently sharing thoughts with you after a meeting, ask him why, and really listen. The possibilities are extensive. As one LinkedIn follower shared, he might even be neurodivergent and could use some additional understanding and support.

2. Explain why his voice matters.

Make sure he feels like a valued member of the team by letting him know that his ideas are important and that speaking up in meetings will make a difference. Be sure he understands that it’s not just his input that matters, but the conversation with other team members to expand his thinking that leads to deeper collaboration and ultimately better results.

3. Help Joe prepare for the next meeting.

Give him the agenda a day or two in advance and ask him to think about and prep what he wants to share. Not only will this help him prepare, but he’ll also take note of your interest and enthusiasm around his participation.

Another important element of this is helping him consider who will be in the meeting and what might be on their hearts and minds. Have him write down his most important points, and anticipate questions he might be able to answer. Giving him a concrete process to prepare can go a long way in increasing confidence and competence.

4. Debrief and help him learn the process so he can do it himself.

Check in with him after the next meeting, and debrief how the preparation process worked for him. Celebrate and recognize his contributions, and encourage him to continue to refine and use that process on his own.

Your turn.

What would you add? How would you encourage Joe to feel confident and competent in sharing his ideas in the next meeting?

Check out these related articles:

How to Get Your Coworkers to Embrace Your Great Idea (Video)

Share Your Ideas: Practical Ways to Ensure Your Voice is Heard

Speak-up Culture: How to Encourage More (and Better) Ideas

 

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How to Deal with a Chronic Complainer

A few questions will help re-engage your chronic complainer

A chronic complainer can suck the life out of you and your team and make everyone want to quit. But your complainer can also have valuable insights and likely doesn’t feel heard. When you lead them out of their complaint spiral, they’ll be more effective and the team will benefit from their insights.

“He’s Bad…”

“I’ve got to warn you about Phil.”

The HR Director of a large engineering firm where I (David) was about to start a day-long workshop had taken me aside to warn me. “He’s bad.”

“What does ‘bad’ look like?”

“He is so cynical and complained so much during yesterday’s session that the facilitator quit and left at the break halfway through the program.”

Ouch!

Chronic complainers and cynics have that effect on people. Fortunately, you can use a few straightforward questions to help address your complainer and help them be a positive, contributing force. (And if you’re frequently on the receiving end of feedback telling YOU that you’re too negative or complain too much, be sure to check out How to Be Less Negative – and Still Be Yourself.)

How to Approach Your Chronic Complainer

As you prepare to deal with a chronic complainer or cynic, it can help to understand what’s happening for them. Some people have a naturally cautious or self-protective way of approaching life. It’s kept them safe or avoided disaster (or at least feels that way).

If you tell this person that they’re being negative or that they’re a “complainer,” they’ll respond honestly, “No, I’m not, I’m trying to prevent a problem, avoid needless frustration, and keep us on track.” And their analytic, skeptical way of looking at things can be a real asset as you make decisions. The challenge is to help them add that value without dragging you down in a vortex of cynicism and complaints.

Besides understanding their general approach, it’s also helpful to understand where the “chronic” part comes from. Most of the time, when someone is complaining frequently, it’s because they don’t feel heard or seen. They’ve been dismissed as “negative” and watched people roll their eyes, and their skepticism gets worse – and the complaining spirals. A few powerful phrases can help redirect that energy to more positive outcomes. Curiosity and connection will work wonders.

Powerful Phrases for Dealing with Chronic Complainers and Cynics“It sounds like you’re concerned about…?”

When your complainer raises an issue, avoid the temptation to shut them down. Use this question to Check for Understanding. If they’re really worked up, grab a pen and paper and start writing what they say. Just the act of taking them seriously eases some of the pressure that’s built up for them.

“And what else?”

This is a power-packed question when talking to a chronic complainer. You’ve listened intently. You’ve written what they said. Now, when you ask, “And what else?” it creates a pause. A moment of reflection. It gets them out of the autopilot “no-one-ever-listens-so-I’ll-keep-talking” mode and gets them thinking critically about the issue. If there is more, keep listening and taking notes. You might need one more “And what else” before they’ve got out all their concerns.

“What do you see as the consequences if…?”

This Powerful Phrase helps both of you get perspective. Sometimes your complainer will answer this question with, “Hmm, I guess the consequences aren’t all that big, really.” And they’re ready to move on. But when they do see significant concerns, you can continue with:

“What would it feel like if we could solve that?”

Chronic complainers have been cynical for so long that it’s sometimes hard for them to envision that things can actually get better. When you invite them to consider how it would feel, it opens the door to solutions.

“How do you think we can address this?”

With this question, you shift the conversation to solutions. They may have a few and you can explore them together. But sometimes, they’ll reply with “I don’t know.” When that happens, try this:

“What would you say if you did know?”

This odd-sounding question helps someone who’s stuck move through their stuckness. (It can be very helpful in your leadership coaching conversations.) Often, we do know, we have ideas, but are reluctant to speak them. We don’t want to look dumb, disappoint someone, or use energy to think more deeply. When you introduce this conditional language of “what would you say if you did…” it makes it safe to bypass all those mental brakes and get talking.

For a chronic complainer, another way to break the “I don’t know what to do” impasse is with:

“If you could snap your fingers and create a solution, what would you like to see happen?”

Of course, their solution might not be immediately practical, but it gives them a place to either start taking action or understand that the situation isn’t as bad as they thought.

“It sounds like you want to…”

As you recap the conversation, focus on what action they want to take next. (And if they truly couldn’t come up with a practical way forward, you might suggest monitoring the situation for a month and seeing if anything changes.)

“I’m glad we had this conversation…”

At some point, you need to help the chronic complainer get moving (and get back to your work). This Powerful Phrase emphasizes that you’ve “had” – past tense—the conversation. You might need to pair it with a follow up “I need to get back to…”

Your Turn

It turned out that Phil wasn’t nearly as troublesome as the HR Director had feared. He had genuine, valid concerns that no one fielded. After listening to his questions and giving him truthful answers (even when they weren’t always the answers he wanted), Phil became an advocate for the program. And you’ll be able to help your chronic complainers too, when you use these powerful phrases and genuinely listen.

We’d love to hear from you: how do you help your chronic complainers avoid getting stuck or dragging down the team while benefitting from their concerns?

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