David Dye's Blog, page 32

How to Cultivate Compassionate Accountability: A Path to Human-Centered Leadership

Compassionate Accountability: A Key Ingredient of Human-Centered Leadership

Today on #AskingforaFriend I talk with Nate Regier, Ph.D. about an issue I hear so many people struggle with right now. How do we provide compassionate accountability? Nate shares some of his practical leadership advice from his new book Compassionate Accountability. Watch the video to learn how to step up your human-centered leadership game and hold your team accountable with compassion.

I wonder, have you ever felt this way?

You want and need to drive results and get stuff done. You also want (and need) to be compassionate. Of course, you genuinely care about the humans on your team and all they are going through. And you also know a supportive workplace culture is important for so many reasons. Yet, there’s still work to do. This is a complex challenge leaders face every day. Nate explains you don’t have to choose between compassion and getting work done.

“Compassion and accountability are not opposites. You can’t have one without the other, and you can’t go back and forth and act like you can choose… in fact, accountability is part of compassion.” -Dr. Nate Regier

Three Techniques to Activate a Compassionate Mindset

 

In the video above, Nate gives us three practical ways to activate a compassionate mindset when we talk or collaborate with someone on our team.

1. Value: If that person was valuable, how would you treat them?
2. Capability: If that person was valuable, how would you treat them?
3. Responsibility: If we were responsible, how would we treat each other?

Before you initiate a conversation ask yourself these three questions to activate a compassionate mindset. Provide compassionate accountability by showing your team member you value them and trust that they are capable and responsible. You can build trust, connection, and collaboration while also supporting the overall goal of sustainable results and organizational growth.

And, as you prepare for that accountability conversation try using our Let’s Grow Leaders I.N.S.P.I.R.E. Method for more meaningful feedback and positive results. It’s a tool that integrates connection, curiosity, and commitment in a two-way conversation.

Nate has so many thoughtful insights related to compassionate accountability. You can read more about compassion in the workplace and hear how he describes the difference between empathy and compassion in our 2021 interview.

Getting Back to Work After COVID with Compassionate Accountability

During the pandemic, workplaces were flooded with compassion. Many workers found more freedom around scheduling and project deadlines. Supervisors had more patience around personal issues and scheduling conflicts. So many things were put on hold while workplaces adjusted to this new way of working.

I love compassionate accountability as a conversation starter. What would you add? How do you land in the and of compassion and accountability? What are your best practices? Add your comments below to join the conversation!

The post How to Cultivate Compassionate Accountability: A Path to Human-Centered Leadership appeared first on Let's Grow Leaders.

How Leaders Listen with Oscar Trimboli

If you want to be heard, you need to know how to listen.​ Communication isn’t all about what you say. It’s about what you hear, what you notice, and how you respond. In short: it’s about how you listen. And despite leaders spending eighty-three percent of their day listening, only two percent of them have ever been trained in how to listen effectively. At a time when we are more technologically linked than ever, our conversations have never been more distracted and disconnected―because most don’t know how to truly listen.

When you understand the art and science of listening, you’ll master the missing half of communication―and create a more powerful impact in your workplace and beyond. In this episode Oscar Trimboli, author of How to Listen: Discover the Hidden Key to Better Communication, and host of the Apple-award-winning podcast Deep Listening, shows you how to unlock your listening superpowers. Oscar shares practical and pragmatic insights to help you notice when you aren’t listening―and what to do about it.

 

How Leaders Listen

07:06

Listening is the willingness to have your Mind changed.

12:47

Asking the question, what will make this a good conversation? And understanding that there’s you and there’s me and in between you and me is the dialogue. The dialogue is what we want to progress.

7:29

Taking responsibility for the conversation as a whole, as a participant in that conversation, and inviting others to do the same.

21:24

Good listeners, listen to what people say. And great listeners, notice what people don’t say.

22:58

There are three simple questions that you can ask that will help the speaker express what they think and what they mean.

32:18

How do we as a good listener make it more liberating and less intimidating?

36:58

Silence isn’t just silence in dialogue, silence is who haven’t we heard from in the conversation as well.

40:50

When it comes to our listening, the most important instrument we need to prepare for the conversation is not the fancy questions, it’s presence, shutting down the browser tabs in your mind to have memory available so that you can be present for the listener.

 

Connect with Oscar

LinkedIn

Listening Quiz

Website 

Get The Book

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How to Talk With a Passive-Aggressive Coworker (And Not Play Their Game)

What to Say When a Passive-Aggressive Coworker
Tries to Ruin Your Day

Passive-aggressive behavior is contagious. It’s easy to let yourself react with frustration or even get passive-aggressive (or maybe aggressive-aggressive) yourself. Now you look like the jerk—not good. The best way to deal with a passive-aggressive coworker is not to get caught in their game. Staying calm, as this respondent in our World Workplace Conflict and Collaboration survey suggests, can make all the difference and reduce the likelihood of passive-aggressive behavior in the future.

What Are Examples of Passive-Aggressive Behaviors?

Let’s start with what we mean by passive-aggressive coworker behavior. The aggressive part is that the person is feeling anger or hostility. The passive part is that they don’t express it directly. Rather, it’s hidden in underhanded ways of power, control, or deception.

For example, a passive-aggressive comment about being passive-aggressive might look like this: “Oh, they always seem to find a way to avoid taking responsibility for their actions. It must be nice to live in a world where you’re never wrong.”

Typical passive-aggressive coworker behaviors include things like:

Snarky commentsBitter, critical, or demeaning humorWithholding informationBackhanded complimentsSabotaging your success by failing to meet a commitmentPlease, Don’t Say This to Your Passive-aggressive Coworker.

Before we get to the phrases, let’s get one “do not” out of the way: Do not tell someone they’re being passive-aggressive.

It doesn’t work. They’ll get defensive or accuse you of the same thing. After all, how dare you label me? Instead, get some space, stay calm, and use these phrases.

Powerful Phrases for Working with a Passive-Aggressive Coworker

“Is this a pattern?”

This first Powerful Phrase is just for you to ask yourself. All of us have moments where we’re frustrated, don’t know how to express our concerns, or are clumsy. If the specific situation is new and doesn’t have a major implication, it’s worth having some patience and seeing if there is a pattern of passive-aggressive behavior.

“Is this a big deal?”

However, if the passive-aggressive coworker withheld information and made you look bad in front of the executive team, or this is the third time it happened, you’ll do well to address the behavior.

Powerful Phrases to Raise Your Concern

“I noticed that…”

One of the most powerful ways to address passive-aggressive coworker behavior is to describe what happened – calmly. Staying calm avoids playing into their game. Here are three examples:

“I noticed during the meeting you said that ‘It must be nice to be the favorite.’”

“I noticed that in your presentation you included the data that showed your team’s results in one category, but did not include the other three.”

“I’ve noticed that you always cc: my manager on all your emails to me and am curious about what’s happening there?”

For someone who doesn’t have deeply ingrained passive-aggressive behaviors, shining a light on what happened is often all it takes to put a stop to it. You’ll know this person because they say something like “Yeah, you’re right. I was having a bad day” or “Hmm, good point. I don’t need to do that.”

Powerful Phrases to Help Them Feel Heard

“What I hear you saying is…”

When a coworker says something snarky, uses critical humor, or some other passive-aggressive statement, it’s usually because they’re upset or frustrated. Once again, don’t respond to how they said it or even, necessarily to what they said, but to what their words represent.

“What I hear you saying is that you feel like I’m getting more opportunities than I deserve. Is that right?”

If you can say this calmly, and without judgment, you might start a meaningful, authentic conversation about what they’re thinking and feeling. For example, they might agree. “Yeah, I have been frustrated. It seems like everything goes your way.” Or they might disagree, “No, you definitely deserve the opportunities. I’m just frustrated that I’m not getting them too.”

You’ve just unlocked the hidden emotion that they didn’t know how to express—and helped them express it. From there, you might continue with a reflect-to-connect statement. Something like, “Yeah, it can be frustrating when everyone else seems to get the opportunities you want.”

“How can I help?”

Wait, what? You want me to help the obnoxious, passive-aggressive coworker?

Well, maybe. If they shared their frustration, offering your support can build a connection. It also gives them a chance to directly say if you’ve done anything that made the situation worse. You can take responsibility if you need to or look for ways to encourage or support them. In the best case, you’ve turned them into an ally. In the worst case, they won’t have the same animosity and are more likely to leave you alone.

Powerful Phrases to Focus on the Work

“Here is what we’re accountable for.”

Use this one when you have a colleague who makes commitments, but doesn’t follow through and then claims “I forgot” or “I didn’t think that was a full plan.” Document everyone’s commitments and make sure everyone involved has a copy. You’re helping the team get things done and removing the passive-aggressive person’s opportunity to make excuses.

“This is what happened / what I’ve done / what the data says. You can take a look here.”

When a passive-aggressive coworker misrepresents the facts, calmly repeat the truth and invite people to examine the facts for themselves. For example, you might say, “It sounds like there’s a misunderstanding here. I completed these reports. I submitted them and finance approved them at… Here they are if it would be helpful to review.”

“I really want to make this work, and I need your help.”

This is another Powerful Phrase to use with a third party—possibly your manager or human resource representative. If you’ve tried addressing the person and the pattern continues, take time to document the specific instances, including dates, times, and what happened. Then ask for help.

Approach the situation with humility. For example, you might tell your manager, “I’m committed to the team and to making this work. My coworker’s actions here are affecting my ability to do my work, but I’m not having any luck addressing it. I need your help.

Most passive-aggressive behavior happens because the person doesn’t know how to get what they need in a more direct way. Addressing the behavior calmly and directly can help defuse the conflict. It’s not your job to change the other person (and you can’t even if you want to). But with these Powerful Phrases, you can improve the relationship and sometimes gain a colleague.

The post How to Talk With a Passive-Aggressive Coworker (And Not Play Their Game) appeared first on Let's Grow Leaders.

The Power of Great Teamwork: Strategies for Building High-Performing Teams

Achieve Success Together: How Great Teamwork Turns Talent into Performance

Are you ready to learn how great teamwork can propel your organization into high performance? This week on #AskingForaFriend I have a conversation with my friend Dr. David Burkus about what makes a great team.

What are the characteristics of a great team?

We know that effective collaboration and cohesive teamwork lay the foundation for innovation, productivity, and overall organizational success. So, what are the key lessons from successful leaders and how do they foster and nurture great teamwork within their teams?

David’s work is aligned with Let’s Grow Leader’s human-centered approach and he shares with us some surprising research that he uncovered that super supports this culture-based approach! 

A Human-Centered Approach to Great Teamwork

You can catch the discussion about the surprising research at the countdown timer stamp of 9:09…and read about it here:

Surprise #1: Talent has little affect on great teamwork. David says, “Taking talent and turning it into performance comes down a lot more to the culture of the team.” And he further defines culture as the habits, norms, and behaviors that the team engages in.

Of course, teams need great talent…but if the team member doesn’t fit with the team their talent might not bring the results you’re looking for.  

Surprise #2: High-performing teams (the ones that turn talent into performance) have a lot of similarities. Fundamentally great teams have THREE things in common that we see across the research (and this applies to in-person, hybrid, virtual, cross-cultural, etc.).

And this is exciting because these are characteristics you can study, learn and implement across your organization. 

Great Teamwork needs Common Understanding: Shared Vision, Clear Goals & Understanding of Your Team

Great teamwork is rooted in a shared vision and clear goals. But from a super practical point of view team performance depends on having a clear understanding of HOW you work together. This means you need to dedicate time and energy to actually get to know your team and learn how to work well together. 

Of course, a great team needs leaders to provide a clear direction that inspires and motivates their teams to achieve greatness together. But unless the team knows how to support each person’s unique greatness – so that each team member has space to work at their highest and best – they might not hit the mark. 

How to Create a Team Manual 

If you want better clarity around how your team works together, try creating a team manual. Have each team member answer and discuss these 4 key questions. And in the video David and I unpack this for ourselves so you can hear examples directly from our work which will hopefully get your wheels churning around what your responses might be. 

I am at my best when … I am at my worst when … You can count on me to… What I need from you is…

And we want some inspiration from you! Who wants to join in the fun? Answer one of these questions in the comments below so we can learn more about what makes your team great. 

Now you might be wondering…what are the other 2 characteristics that high-performing teams have in common??? 

To truly take on building great teamwork into the fabric of your company or organization you might need to take this a step further and read David’s book Best Team Ever! or our book Courageous Cultures. Or perhaps you’re ready to accelerate your team performance and build great teamwork with our Team Accelerator manager-led program (get your free demo here) or our Live Leadership Development program. 

And (drumroll please!) the other two crucial characteristics of high-performing teams are… psychological safety and pro-social purpose. 

Great Teamwork: Psychological Safety

When team members feel safe to share their thoughts, admit mistakes, and seek support without fear of judgment or retribution, you’ll land in a culture of increased collaboration and innovation. You can read more about why people don’t speak up and practical ways to increase psychological safety right here. 

Great Teamwork: Pro-Social Purpose

And a pro-social purpose reflects a genuine concern for the well-being of people, communities, and the planet, and it guides the organization’s decision-making and actions. People like to work in a company that has shared values and purpose…and this purpose-driven approach is becoming increasingly important as we see workers wanting to align with organizations and companies that have a meaningful impact. Check out David’s book for more on this.

By prioritizing great teamwork, organizations can create a positive work environment, drive innovation, and achieve remarkable results. So, let’s commit to building and fostering great teamwork within our organizations, inspiring our teams to reach new heights together.

Check out these related articles: 

Psychological Safety: Why People Don’t Speak Up at Work (letsgrowleaders.com)

Navigate Workplace Conflict: 3 Powerful Phrases to Foster Better Connection

5 Tragic Communication Mistakes That Sabotage Teamwork

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Question Your Leadership Assumptions with Melissa Swift

If you change your leadership assumptions, can you create a powerhouse with the organization or team you already have? The COVID-19 pandemic and an ever-changing array of new ways of working seem to have all of us asking, “Does work really have to suck this bad?” It looks like a small taste of flexibility and freedom has made many of us rethink the nature of the work we do and how we do it.

In this episode Melissa Swift, author of Work Here Now: Think Like a Human and Build a Powerhouse Workplace, gives you a roadmap to better work that generates wins for companies and employees alike. Learn different ways to improve the growth-impeding, borderline inhumane people management practices we’ve created and endured over time a. And start with a simple framework questioning your own leadership assumptions to help you make people-centered decisions.

06:05

There’s not necessarily a great reason why work has to suck and ample research shows that when it doesn’t suck it goes better and we’re more productive. Society just kind of works better when work works better. But we’ve been stubbornly resistant to improving it.

13:04

We’ve got these dysfunctional leadership assumptions that people are lazy and people are slow, and those misdirected assumptions have created all of this frustration, headache, and lousy work.

16:31

People have a natural and intrinsic motivation to do and be and create and solve and people are wired in different ways but most people do want to do well at what they’re doing and feel good about what they’re doing.

17:56

We need to unpack our foundational talent management assumptions and look at what decisions have we made on the basis of believing these assumptions.

17:13

There are fundamental assumptions that permeate the modern workplace and as leaders, we need to reflect, examine and question our leadership assumptions.

32:04

We’re losing the traditional workforce.

40:45

Two critical levers for an awesome working culture and what greedy work and animal farm syndrome look like.

 

Connect with Melissa

LinkedIn
Twitter

 

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Powerful Phrases to Win With a Moody Boss, Even a Dropper of F-Bombs

What To Say Next When Your Boss Gets Cranky

Maybe it’s a side effect of passion, intensity, or creativity, but have you ever noticed that many high-achieving managers also have a moody dark side? Moody people are hard to work around. If it’s your boss who is moody, it’s even more challenging. You might feel tempted to avoid your moody boss, keep your head down, and just survive. But that kind of conflict at work is stressful and draining.

Adding Some Levity to the Moody Boss Scene

One of my (Karin) favorite bosses had such highs and lows that we gave her two nearly matching Barbie dolls for her desk. The first was immaculately dressed in typical Barbie fashion, matching shirt, skirt, shoes, and pearls. The other doll had ripped clothes, magic marker on her face, and hair that looked like it had been gnawed by a cat.

We chose a “good Barbie day” to approach her with our plan. The team invited her to use the dolls as a warning sign: to put the doll that best portrayed her mood on a visible shelf. We knew if “evil” Barbie was lurking, we needed to lay low. Not ideal for sure. No one wants a moody boss.

And yet, she accepted the gift with a smile. She used the dolls, as requested, for our benefit. Thankfully she got the point when one of us went to the shelf and switched the dolls. It wasn’t perfect. There were days when even the dolls didn’t help. But what I learned from that experience is that talking with a moody manager (when they’re not in that mood) can go a long way.

Powerful Phrases to Connect with Your Moody Boss

Start by trying to understand and acknowledge the root cause. If your manager is like most humans who are accused of being in a bad mood when they’re justifiably frustrated, they may think, “Sure, I could have left out the F-bombs or lowered my voice, BUT this issue is real! Why don’t they get their F-@%# act together?

Of course, the advice from one of our World Workplace Conflict and Collaboration Survey respondents, can’t hurt either, you can always, “bake a cake ;-)”

“I understand how frustrating this is. I’m deeply concerned too.”

or

“I get why this is so bad (restate impact to customer or business)”

These phrases help you acknowledge their emotion. Show that you get it. This immediately reduces their sense of being alone and the frustration that goes with that feeling. One of the reasons a screamer keeps screaming is they feel they’ve not been heard. Show your moody boss you care too.

“I’m so sorry I screwed this up. Here’s what I will do…”

or “Yeah, this is totally my fault. Next time I will…”

If it’s your fault, there’s no better phrase than an apology paired with taking responsibility for what you’ll do to fix it (either this time or next time).

Powerful Phrases to Talk About Patterns of Cranky Boss Behavior

It’s tempting to address the mood during the mood because that’s when your emotions are high as well. But we strongly recommend that you schedule the conversation. Pick a calmer time to talk about their patterns or even bring in a bit of humor.

“I’m observing a repeated pattern where [specific observations]…and I’m wondering…”

People are often blind to their patterns. “Sure I was grumpy this morning, but I’m not that way every day am I?” When you can give specific examples, it helps your moody boss look in a mirror and make a decision to do something differently.

Here’s a full example of this one from a real conversation I (David) had with my manager:

“I’m seeing a pattern where you get upset with people laughing in the breakroom. For example, it happened after lunch today, this morning, and yesterday afternoon. And I’m wondering what’s going on for you right now?”

“This is what it’s like to be me in this situation.”

If you are a regular reader, you’ll recognize this powerful phrase from our article on dealing with a bully at work (without losing your lunch money). 

This phrase gives you an opportunity to calmly and objectively share how you’re feeling. I

“How can I help?”

This Powerful Phrase is simple but effective. It gets the person out of their reactivity and into some critical thinking. Often the answer is “Nothing, thank you.” Or you might learn of a significant opportunity that will help your career.

One of our favorite examples of these conversations in use was when we worked with a leadership team who addressed their CEO’s habit of swearing in frustration. The CEO picked a funny code word to use instead of using an F-bomb. The word lightened to mood (it was hard to say the code word with a straight face) and he still communicated the severity of the situation.

Much of the time, when a moody boss gets emotional, it’s because the work is really important, and they’re passionate about getting it right. Of course, it’s not your job to calm them down. They are responsible for their own emotions and executive presence. And, some careful communication can convey how much you care too and help de-escalate the conversation for more productive dialogue.

Related Articles for Building a Better Relationship With Your Manager

How Your Great Boss Might Be Hurting Your Career

How to Get Your  Boss to Appreciate Your Genius

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Leading Through Fear with Kim Campbell

In this episode, former fighter pilot and retired Air Force Colonel Kim “KC” Campbell gives practical and inspirational ways of leading through fear and decision-making in high-stress situations. You’ll get lessons and stories that will serve as a resource for you as you lead your employees, students, and others through the challenges of life and work, learning to create a positive impact and make a big difference in the lives of the people who follow you.

Kim offers specific strategies and techniques for leading in situations of extreme stress and risk, methods for female leaders to overcome the challenges of working in male-dominated environments, and ways to act in critical moments by recognizing that being brave and afraid simultaneously is both normal and necessary.

Leading Through Fear

09:23

A new perspective on how we lead under stress, how can we make those time-critical decisions, and how we learn from our mistakes and failures.

15:46

In many leadership situations, there is some sense of fear, doubt, uncertainty, or nervousness. That feeling is normal and we shouldn’t be so hard on ourselves when we feel that way, and it is all about what we do in those moments. It’s not the fear that matters, it’s about being able to step up and take action in the face of fear. It’s about having the courage to respond when we’re scared.

18:18

In the most critical stressful moments, it comes down to preparation. The more you prepared, the more confident you became.

26:07

Aviate, navigate, communicate, and how this relates to business leadership.

34:47

Having a wingman mentality is being somebody that is by your side, that has your back, and that provides mutual support.

39:03

Elevating the performance of the entire team starts with the leaders.

43:44

The debrief is part of our mindset, it’s part of our culture. It is an effective accountability tool, really for any team or organization, because debriefs allow us to fail forward, to learn from our mistakes and failures and normalizes mistakes.

48:01

Trust in a team is a starting point. It’s the foundation to have that space where people feel safe to share, and how you implement it is key.

Connect With Kim

Website

Twitter

LinkedIn

YouTube

Get the Book

 

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Working Manager: How to Support Your Team and Get Work Done Too

Successful Working Managers Relentlessly Prioritize, Invest in People, and Delegate

“I’m a working manager – not that all managers aren’t working, but I have an enormous pile of my work, besides having to lead my team. I constantly feel guilty that I’m not doing enough for them, but if I let my work go, our results will suffer. What should I do?”

This question came in from one of our “Asking for a Friend” segments in a recent leadership development program.

What is a working manager?

A working manager is someone who has significant individual responsibilities in addition to leading their team. They have work assigned to them they can’t delegate.

Sometimes this is because of the technical nature of the job or a unique skill set they bring. And sometimes, it’s just a matter of workload. There’s not enough budget for a manager, so the business elevates one team member as a guide, while they also do the work. Not ideal, but it’s a reality in many organizations.

If that sounds familiar, this article is for you.

8 Practical Ways to Be a Better Working ManagerSet Clear Expectations for Your TeamRelentlessly PrioritizeInvest in Your TeamDelegate EffectivelyCommunicate ReliablyPractice Rapid AccountabilityLead UpTake Care of You1. Set Clear Expectations for Your Team

As a team leader, it’s always important to establish a clear understanding of what success looks like. Even more so when you can’t meet everyone’s assumptions. Make sure your team knows what everyone can fairly expect from one another. What you expect of them, what they can expect from you, and from each other. As a working manager, sometimes you’ll need to shut your open door, to focus and finish an assignment.

Talk with your team about what they need (and what you need), and work together to determine the best way to approach for your individual and collaborative work.

2. Relentlessly Prioritize

As a working manager, it’s challenging to balance your own responsibilities with those of your team. To manage this overwhelm, Mind the M.I.T. (Most Important Thing) and relentlessly prioritize what matters most. You can’t possibly do everything – and you probably can’t even do all the important tasks. Ultimately, you only have time to do what matters most. So free yourself from the feeling that you must do it all and focus your energy on making a real difference.

Decide which tasks are most important and focus on those first so you can make your day a success in the first two hours. This will help you stay on track and ensure that you’re meeting your own goals while also supporting your team. As the day goes on and the next crisis comes along, re-prioritize. You only have time for what matters most. Make sure you know what that is.

3. Invest in Your Team

The more effective and skilled your team is, the more you’ll accomplish together. You’ll have more time to do the work where you truly are the only one who can do it. So, as you choose your priorities for the week, consistently look for ways to invest in your team. There are two ways to do this: micro-engagements and formal development.

When time is tight, you don’t want to waste time encouraging someone who needs to be stretched or coaching someone who just needs more confidence. Use the Confidence-Competence Matrix to identify what your team members most need from you (Training, Encouragement, Challenge, or Coaching). Then, in your one-on-ones or daily interactions, be prepared to support them with a focused conversation that gives them what they need.

The second way to invest is with more formal development. What does this person need in order to get where they want to go? Or to become what they can be? You can spend 15 minutes each week thinking about your team and connecting them with one growth opportunity each month. Those small, formal investments yield massive returns in their growth and development. Where can you teach them a new skill? Help them build relationships throughout the organization so they can be more resourceful? Get them an assignment that helps them stretch or practice leadership?

4. Delegate Effectively

You can probably delegate far more than you believe. This will not only help you manage your workload, but also empower your team and help them develop new skills. Delegating effectively takes some preparation that can feel like a luxury for a working manager. But it’s not a luxury; it’s a vital investment. For many activities, you’ll need to take time to think through what a successful outcome will achieve. Give your team member the success criteria so they know what they’re aiming for and can evaluate their work against them. For more, check out How to Delegate So Nothing Falls Through the Cracks

5. Communicate Reliably

Miscommunication will crush your soul. You don’t have time to waste fixing misunderstandings and resolving miscommunication. You can make effective communication a feature of your team in two ways. First, create a reliable communication cadence. Second, teach everyone to check for understanding. A reliable communication cadence helps your team know exactly when to expect new information. They’ll also know when they can most effectively bring concerns, ask questions, and share their answers. Get clear about what information they will exchange in chat threads, emails, and what to reserve for meetings – and when those meetings will happen.

Next, teach them to check for understanding (and practice it yourself). Clear, mutually understood communication will reclaim significant time for you and your team. And they’ll spend less time in fruitless meetings.

6. Practice Rapid Accountability

One common mistake many working managers make is that they avoid performance feedback conversations. You might worry you don’t have time. You can’t afford to lose the person. But what actually happens is that the mistakes compound. Top performers get frustrated. And now you’re spending way more time cleaning up messes, fixing problems, and doing last-minute work that someone else should have done.

Short, timely performance conversations will reclaim your time, improve your team’s morale, and help everyone be their best. You can use our I.N.S.P.I.R.E. Method to have these conversations in a way that builds trust and achieves results.

7. Lead Up

Your manager isn’t trying to crush your spirit.

But they may not know the reality of what’s happening to you and your team. One of the most important conversations you can have is to “lead up.” In these conversations, practice “saying yes to say no.” Reiterate your commitment to what matters most and outline the decisions you face.

For example, “We are all in on getting this product launch done on time and on spec. We’ve also been asked to help support some bug fixes in the prior versions. With the existing team, we can’t do both. I see a couple of options here. I can bring in some contractors to help, we can slide the launch date, we can ask someone else to do the prior version support, or we could just not worry about supporting prior versions. What are your thoughts?”

In your one-on-one conversations with your manager, you can also clarify what success looks like for your leadership. What does your team need to achieve? How does your manager view your leadership vs work responsibilities? If the two of you have very different perspectives, you can talk about what’s happening and where to adjust.

8. Take Care of You

Finally, it’s important to take time for self-care. Sometimes, sleep is the M.I.T. Or time with family, friends, or a good book. Or the gym or a hiking trail. As a working manager, it’s easy to get caught up in the demands of your job and neglect your own well-being. But nothing gets easier when you’re run down, exhausted, and stressed out. Investing time and energy in yourself will help you do everything else with more love, perspective, and creativity.

Your Turn

Being a team leader who is also a working manager can be challenging. But with the right mindset, communication, and tools, it’s possible to balance your individual work and team leadership responsibilities. We’d love to hear from you: how do you manage the challenges of leading your team and doing the work that’s your responsibility?

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The Key to Finding Solutions

Have you ever experienced a recurring issue and despite thinking of multiple angles, no clear solutions comes up? You can probably relate to this one too, have you ever looked for something in your refrigerator or bookshelf, not been able to find it, only to discover it was right there in front of you the whole time? Sometimes to find what you’re looking for, you have to first update the search image that your mind is using to look for it.

Today we’re going to take a few minutes to talk about a subject I’m passionate about that came up at a recent leadership program about guiding minds and finding solutions. We’re talking about that phenomenon when you’re looking for something and you can’t find it, and it was right there in front of you the whole time. There’s this guy, John Lubbock, who wrote The Beauties of Nature and the Wonders of the World We Live In many years ago. And he said that in the same field, the farmer will notice the crop, the geologists will notice the fossils, the botanists will notice the flowers, the artists will notice the colors, and the sportsmen will notice the cover for the game. So everyone’s looking at the same picture, but it does not follow that everyone sees the same things. We don’t all see the same things and this is critical for ourselves, for our leadership, and for our teams.

02:34
When I introduced this episode before we opened, I said, have you ever looked for something in your refrigerator or your bookshelf and you’re not able to find it? And it was there the whole time. Maybe you went to the bookshelf looking for a blue paperback when in reality the book was green. Or you open the refrigerator searching for the metal bowl wrapped in foil. But those delicious leftovers were actually hiding in a clear Tupperware. And as frustrating as that is, there’s a reason that your brain works this way. And it’s important for you to know as a leader that this is the way everyone’s brain works and if you can shine some light on the search image your team is using, you will be able to find more solutions.

03:24
We’re gonna take a little detour into biology here to a biologist looking at a bird’s eating pattern and noticing something interesting. Imagine that you’re a bird that eats worms and grasshoppers. You love worms and grasshoppers. You’re perfectly happy with both. So when there are an equal amount of worms and grasshoppers around, you might guess that you’d eat equal amounts of both, and you’d be right. But what happens when the availability of your food changes? Let’s say that there are now 70% grasshoppers and 30% worms available. Well, you might guess that your diet would now reflect 70-30 grasshoppers to worms, but that’s where it gets interesting. That’s not what happens. The birds actually ate way more grasshoppers when grasshoppers are more prevalent, the birds almost stop eating worms altogether and just eat grasshoppers. And it works the other way too. If you got 70% worms available, the birds would almost ignore the grasshoppers in favor of the worms. How curious is that? And scientists love those moments of, well, that’s weird. That means there’s a discovery about to happen. As a leader too, when you find those well, that’s weird or that’s curious moments, there’s a discovery about to happen for you and your team. It turns out that when one source of food is more abundant, the bird’s attention narrows to focus on just that one kind of food. When they’re focused on grasshoppers, they don’t see the worms, even though they could happily eat them. But why, why is that?

04:57
The answer is energy. When grasshoppers are more available, it takes fewer bird brain cells firing to focus in on the insects. They get more food and spend less energy to find and catch it. That search image is an efficient way to stay alive and feed your baby birds. All right, so let’s take this out of biology, and let’s head over to Los Angeles where you can find a strange sort of sign tied to telephone poles and fences or stuck in traffic cones. You’ll see these signs and they’ll often feature a random word, a group of letters placed over an arrow. They also temporarily appear and disappear from day to day. What are these signs? They’re production placards. They guide the cast and crew to filming locations without them having to rely on maps or GPS and the random word or letters are codes for a particular movie.

05:54
With type production schedules in multiple filming, the signs make it easy for everyone to get where they need to be. No addresses to worry about. Just follow the signs with your code word. These production placards are bright yellow with black lettering, but there’s no policy manual that mandates their color. And one time a studio asked for their placards to be made with a blue background and white lettering. So the manufacturer printed 300 of those blue signs, but within three days, the client returned and said, Nope, we need the traditional yellow signs. Why? Everyone was driving past the blue signs without seeing them. That’s a search image, just like the worms and grasshoppers, just like you going to the bookshelf looking for that green book when it’s actually blue.

06:48
In the 1990s, I served as an elected councilman for the city of Glendale, Colorado and one year the council and the city staff started working on a plan to build the city’s first Preschool and Kindergarten. At that point, there wasn’t a single public preschool or kindergarten anywhere in the city. And families that wanted their children to attend those early education opportunities had to bus or drive their kids several miles. And our poorest students were losing out on all the long-term learning that preschool and Kindergarten are proven to offer, but we were stuck. Why? Well, in city council meetings, people would offer an idea for moving the project forward, and it would get shot down, bring up an idea for funding, and you’d get obstacles, talk about features in design, and we’d have three or four dissenting ideas. None of the ideas were able to develop into solutions because everyone was focused on looking at the obstacles. And this our mayor, his name was Joe Rice, stood upright in the middle of someone’s this won’t work speech about using the classroom after school hours and made a timeout signal like a football referee.

07:51
He said, look, we can find a thousand reasons why this won’t work, but that’s the wrong question. For the next 10 minutes, let’s share only about how we can make it work and the solutions we could find. And in that moment, the mood shifted. The next person who spoke said, if we can afford to hold an afterschool program for all the kids, as the last speaker said, then I’d like to make a plan for which ones we can serve. I propose our first priority to start with the youngest children, the four and five-year-olds. And energy built as the next speaker agreed and proposed holding a study session for their parents. And the discussion continued for the rest of the meeting, and not one person mentioned going back to the old way of working on the project. Of course, some ideas didn’t make the cut, but they didn’t get in the way of the rest of the project moving forward. And for many years now that early childhood education center has given students who need it the most fantastic start on learning. How can we make it work? That’s a question from a leader who understands the power of search image, if you’re looking for problems that’s what you’ll find. Look for beauty. There it is. Look for solutions, and they’ll appear.

09:09
So my question for you is, what are you looking for? Are you looking for solutions or are you looking for problems? Are you looking for reasons things won’t work? Or are you looking for ways and opportunities to get there to make it work? And even more importantly, as a leader, how are you guiding the brains, and the minds on your team? Are you helping them to look for solutions by asking questions like, how can we, or are you keeping them focused on being stuck by looking at problems rather than solutions?

09:50
This is one of those powerful, powerful leadership concepts with so many different applications, easy to talk about, but many, many different ways to use it. Brains, minds, human minds. Find what they’re looking for with the power of search image. What’s the search image that you’re giving your team? Help everyone to focus on solutions. Look for solutions, and you’re on your way to being the leader you’d want your boss to be. And once again, quick Postscript, if you enjoyed this episode, taken, adapted from my most recent book, Tomorrow Together, Essays of Hope, Healing and Humanity with many reflective essays, leadership-oriented essays, and many others that are just about life and really focused on that human-centered part of the human-centered leadership experience and journey. Thanks again for listening. You can find the book anywhere books are sold. So appreciate you. Have a great day.

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Help Contribute to our Next Book on Navigating Conflict at Work

GOAT Powerful Phrases for Navigating Conflict at Work, and You

This is a first, I don’t usually talk about GOATS on Asking for a Friend, but today is special. We are putting the finishing touches on our manuscript due to Harper Collins at the end of this month. The new book is called Powerful Phrases for Dealing With Workplace Conflict: What to Say Next to Destress the Workday, Build Collaboration, and Calm Difficult Customers,

The new book includes research and insights from our World Workplace Conflict and Collaboration Survey (that’s another way you can contribute).

So where do the GOATs come in, and what does that have to do with you?

The book includes hundreds of powerful phrases for dealing with challenging situations, with a focus on some GOATs (Greatest of All Time) approaches that work in almost any situation.

These GOAT phrases for dealing with conflict at work fall into 4 key categories.

Connection: To recognize the humanity in others
Clarity: To build a shared understanding of success
Curiosity: To ask great questions and actively listen
Commitment: To make and keep clear agreements

We’d love your help designing these GOAT superhero emblems.

One for each GOAT. For example, when you think of “clarity” what images come to mind? A telescope, a big eye?

How about curiosity? Perhaps a listening ear? Or a lightbulb?

So we’re asking for a friend. Will you help our GOATs suit up with your best ideas of what we should include in each of their shields?

We’ve received some great ideas so far on LinkedIn. You can comment with your ideas in this article, or add them to the LinkedIn ruckus.

A Footnote on GOATs

The term “Greatest of All Time” (GOAT) originated in the world of sports, specifically in reference to exceptional athletes who are considered the best in their respective fields. While the exact origin of the term is unclear, it gained significant popularity in the 1990s and early 2000s, particularly in discussions about legendary athletes like Muhammad Ali (boxing), Michael Jordan (basketball), and Pelé (soccer).

The acronym “GOAT” was used as a shorthand way to describe these athletes’ unparalleled skills, achievements, and dominance in their sports. Over time, the term expanded beyond sports and began to be used in other domains, such as music, entertainment, and various other fields, to denote individuals who are widely regarded as the best in their respective industries or disciplines.

It’s worth noting that the use of the term “GOAT” is subjective, and debates can arise about who truly deserves that title. Nevertheless, it has become a widely recognized expression to acknowledge exceptional talent and accomplishments.

A few related articles on dealing with conflict at work

Should I Quit This Conflict? How to Know When It’s Time to Leave?

Navigate Workplace Conflict: 3 Powerful Phrases to Foster Better Connection

How to Say No at Work: Powerful Phrases to Stand Your Ground

The post Help Contribute to our Next Book on Navigating Conflict at Work appeared first on Let's Grow Leaders.