David Dye's Blog, page 31

As a New Employee, How to I Ensure My Ideas at Work are Taken Seriously

Want to make an impact in your new role? Position your ideas at work so they’re more likely to be heard.

“Hey Karin, “I was hired for my ideas and my extensive experience. I was told “We welcome your different perspectives, experiences, and ideas at work. That’s exactly what we need here! And now, I’m here. And I’m constantly hearing, “ahhh, I don’t think we can do it that way.” “Eh…. we tried that before…” “THIS IS THE WAY WE DO THINGS AROUND HERE…”

I’m frustrated and I’m getting the sense that I’m frustrating other people too. What should I do?” #AskingforaFriend

Three Practical Ways to Help Your Idea Get the Best Chance of Traction

Of course, every situation is different. But I’d start by paying attention to context, collaboration, and focus.

Context

The best way to gain credibility for your ideas at work, is to show that you understand the context. Will your ideas solve burning problems that solve strategic business challenges? Have you spent time really getting curious about the systems and processes in the business? Do you understand the mission, vision, and values? Do you have a solid understanding of how new ideas are considered and implemented?

Connect your ideas to the bigger picture – goals, values, long-term vision– and also consider the technical nuances and challenges for implementation.

Collaboration

Make sure your team knows that you have their (and the organization’s) best interest at heart. Worry more about the idea, than who get’s the credit. Include others and get curious about their perspectives. Foster collaboration by taking time to learn from your colleagues and include them in your planning. Put people before projects and build trust.

Focus

When you come blazing into a new-to-you organization with tons of great ideas, focus is key. It can be overwhelming for your team and manager when you share too many innovative ideas at work all at once. Implementing new ideas takes work, time, and energy. So, what are the one or two changes that would make the biggest impact? Share your ideas at work strategically so that you are addressing those most impactful areas first. You will lose credibility if you start recommending changes to everything, everywhere, all at once.

I’m curious. What ideas do you have for this friend? How can you help them ensure their ideas at work are welcomed in their new role? Leave a comment below.

Are you a manager, senior leader, CEO, or team leader ready to cultivate a Courageous Culture at your organization? With higher engagement and a results-oriented approach to innovation? Where your employees speak up, share their ideas, and drive quality performance and productivity? Check out our Live Online and Hybrid Leadership Training. Let’s Grow Leaders programs are highly customized to your organization’s needs, practical, and interactive. Get ready for leadership development that sticks.

And check out these related articles:

How to Get Your Coworkers to Embrace Your Great Idea

How to Build Trust More Quickly With New Employees

The post As a New Employee, How to I Ensure My Ideas at Work are Taken Seriously appeared first on Let's Grow Leaders.

The Hidden Power of Vulnerability: Why Great Leaders Dare to Be Wrong

Why Is It So Hard to Be Wrong? Vulnerability is the Gateway to Growth.

You’re an experienced leader with a track record of success. You’re brilliant at what you do, and you’ve got where you are today because you consistently have the answers. But could this need to have the answers stop you from achieving even more? I’ve had a couple of experiences recently that reminded me of the vast power of vulnerability for a leader’s (and my) growth.

A Selfish Question

Recently, after Karin Hurt’s TEDx Rockville presentation (the video won’t be available for a couple of months), I was talking with Haley Foster, who has coached hundreds of TEDx presenters. As we talked, I posed a leadership and culture question that has confounded me for decades. (I’ll save the question itself for another time.)

As you might expect from Haley, she said, “That would make an excellent talk.”

“I don’t think so,” I shook my head. “I don’t have an answer yet.”

Haley looked at me. Intently. “So what if you don’t have to have an answer? What if you were to share the question with hundreds of smart people who could all work on the answer?”

Her words hung in the air. As much as I’ve sought an answer to this question for many years, I realized the truth in what she said. Avoiding the vulnerability of others’ answers and keeping the question to myself was selfish. If I don’t share my unanswered question, none of us can benefit from potential answers.

Feet Gloves, Vulnerability, and Being Wrong

One more example: in the last two years I’ve fallen in love with trail running. But after a couple of stubbed and broken toes, I’ve been struggling with a pesky problem: blisters.

I’ve tried almost everything (including diaper cream—don’t judge, it works. It’s cheap but messy!)

Several times people suggested toe socks. Yes, the socks that look like gloves for your feet. I hated the idea of individual toes in little toe socks. In fact, they gave me the creeps. But…I’d never tried them.

A couple of weeks ago, I found myself in front of a pair of toe socks at REI. The socks were on sale. And looking at them, I realized that my dislike for them was an assumption, not based on any experience. So, I bought a pair and tried them out. Turns out, they were great!

Does it take vulnerability to admit you’re wrong? That you’ve deprived yourself of a simple solution because of your blind stubbornness?

Yes. But I am glad to tell you I was wrong. I’ve since bought two more pairs to have them in steady rotation.

The Leader’s Paradox: To Lead is to Learn

You’re probably used to having answers and making decisions. And having those answers was a vital part of your early success. But let’s face it – the people you lead, the ones who are on the front lines, will often know more about the nitty-gritty of the work than you. That’s their job, and they’re good at it. Their experience is more recent.

So, the question is, can you learn from them? Can you show up with vulnerability and admit, even if it’s just to yourself, that you might be wrong? More importantly, can you change your mind based on what you learn?

Vulnerability to Embrace Change: The Key to Unlocking Your Full Potential

In a recent podcast conversation with Oscar Trimboli, he defined true listening as “the willingness to have one’s mind changed.” I love that definition so much. There’s so much to learn when we ask a good question and truly listen. (And I strongly recommend this episode with Oscar – you’ll never look at listening the same way again!)

As a leader, you’ve built your career on having answers. But the most transformative leaders aren’t just answer-givers, they’re question-askers. They’re vulnerable enough to learn something new. To be proven wrong.

You may never try toe socks, and that’s okay. But can you admit when you don’t know, or when you’re wrong, and learn from these moments? To show up with the humility and vulnerability to change your mind when faced with new information.

Your Turn

Are you ready to unlock the next level of your leadership potential? Show up with the vulnerability to change your mind and learn something new, even if it means admitting you were wrong.

I’d love to hear from you in the comments (or drop me an email) and let’s celebrate the times you’ve been wrong and learned something new from it. It’s in admitting our mistakes that we learn, grow, and become leaders who truly make a difference.

The post The Hidden Power of Vulnerability: Why Great Leaders Dare to Be Wrong appeared first on Let's Grow Leaders.

Culture Change Not Working? Start Here

To achieve culture change, you don’t want to be scared of the conflict between values. When people know your values as an organization, but you don’t see those values being lived out, the problem is likely one of two invisible conflicts within change.

 

Culture Change Not Working? Start Here

00:02
Hey, it’s David and you’re listening to leadership without Losing your soul, your source for practical leadership, inspiration tools and strategies you can use to achieve transformational results without sacrificing your humanity or your mind in the process.

00:20
Hey, welcome to the show. I wanted to talk today about culture and specifically one of the barriers that gets in the way frequently when you’re trying to build culture and it might be rolling out new values in a team or all the way through an entire organization. So whatever role you serve and the way that you’re leading when you’re rolling out values and when you’re building culture, there is a specific challenge that gets in the way and many people ignore it. Basically what we’re talking about is conflict between values. When you’re going to build a good corporate culture or team culture, you don’t want to ignore the conflict between values. So what am I talking about here?

01:12
Well, when it comes to building a great corporate culture, one of the most common frustrations that we’ll hear from senior leaders and executives is, something like, “we involved everybody, we worked together, we defined our values, and we talk about them regularly. People seem to appreciate the messaging. And yes, we saw changes at the start, there was effort there, but now it feels like we’ve stagnated. It’s like people tried and then stopped.” So if you can feel their pain and you did do a fantastic job of thinking about your culture and engaging the whole team or the whole organization and defining the values, maybe now everyone can recite the values and define them, but there hasn’t been a true culture change. What’s going on is that invisible barrier, that conflict. So getting back to culture, our favorite definition of culture, if you listen to the show for a while, you know, this comes from marketing guru Seth Godin, and he says that culture is simply people like us do things like this.

02:14
When people know and embrace your values, but you don’t see those values being lived out, the problem is likely one of these two invisible conflicts. The first kind of conflict is a conflict between the values themselves and the second conflict is between the stated values and the leaders practiced values. So let’s look at this first conflict, the conflict between the values themselves. This is very common and frequently ignored. Let’s say two of your values are quality and speed. The conflict between the two is obvious. If you spend more time on quality, you go slower. If you go faster, you’ll likely make more mistakes in quality. Here’s another common example of this kind of value clash. Many organizations we’ve worked with will have something along the lines of a human-centered work-life balance value, but they also have a, we do what it takes kind of value for work ethic

03:18
People genuinely want a human-centered workplace, and they also feel the pressure to beat their competition and please their customers through a strong work ethic. And those can clash. If you have say, five values, quick math in terms of the pairing, that’s a potential for 10 different values clashes. So those are examples of clashes in between the values. Now let’s talk about the conflict between the values and practiced values. So this is the second type of values conflict, and it will cripple your culture and undermine employee confidence. It’s a classic case of saying one thing but doing another. However, this isn’t just pure hypocrisy. I know it’s easy to dismiss it that way, but it’s not always just hypocrisy. Often there are underlying reasons that leaders or managers don’t fully embrace the new value.

04:18
For example, a manager’s bonus depends on the number of units shipped regardless of units returned. But the value is a quality value that says we prize quality, the manager’s going to undermine that quality value, focus on volume, and pressure their team members who do try to go slower and focus on quality. So you’ve got a built-in clash between the structure and how that manager is incentivized versus the value that’s there too. When you don’t address those kinds of conflicts, they will undermine your culture. People feel like they can’t win. If I do this, I get dinged over here. If I do that, I’m in trouble on this one. And those no-win scenarios frustrate people and zap their motivation. Pretty soon people just go back to doing the best they can to make it through. And your credibility suffers as all those shiny values are now just words on the wall.

05:04
So what do we do about all this to overcome these values clashes and build that great culture that you want? The solution here is straightforward. The solution to these invisible cultural barriers, these conflicts, is to talk about them, don’t ignore them, don’t hide from them. When you launch any kind of culture change, whether it’s new values or a new information system, you’re going to have challenges. You want to call those challenges out, shine a light on them, let everyone know you want to know about them and draw attention to those inevitable conflicts. That’s going to prepare people for the conflict. So it’s not a surprise. So that an employee that’s caught between two values can say, oh, this is what they were talking about. Let’s see, what should I do next? Instead of throwing up their hands and walking away in frustration.

05:58
Here are some specific ways you can deal with each kind of values conflict. Let’s start with that clash between values when you’ve got competing values like speed or quality. So first we want to acknowledge it. Don’t let the values conflict hide in the corner, shine a light on it. Have conversations about what they mean and what to do when they happen. And keep that conversation going as you move through the values rollout. Then you can use the next two steps as you’re continuing the conversation. Define success. If culture is people like us, do things like this, then what do people like us do when there’s a conflict between quality and speed? What does success look like? You can have those discussions together, get your team together and talk about it. Make it a focus of conversation. Rarely are you going to find a perfect solution to every values conflict. It’s more about optimizing and working together to talk about the interplay between the two that will help everyone understand how to incorporate quality and speed in their daily work. Where are the tradeoffs and when should we be making them the discussions about what it means to have a work-life balance and a strong work ethic? They’re gonna reveal new ways of doing your work that maybe you hadn’t thought about before. A lot of times those how can we conversations that combine two seemingly opposing values will lead to innovations and business process improvements. You’ll never get those innovations if you don’t have the discussions.

07:25
Another really powerful way to help with these kinds of conflicts between values, and it’s one of our favorites, is as you’re rolling out culture change or values initiatives have senior leaders tell stories about times that they faced this values clash and what they did, how they handle it. These stories bring the conflicts alive. People can sink their teeth. Oh, I can feel I can sense that I know what that looks like. It helps employees picture what it looks like to navigate the values. And those stories will help everyone see that there isn’t a perfect implementation of culture or values. Sometimes you have to make hard choices. So don’t shy away from that truth. Senior leaders’ stories will help everyone see what it means to make those choices in their work.

 

08:17
And then the final way you want to deal with these values clashes is to celebrate when you see optimal outcomes. Hopefully, you have a five-by-five communication plan we’ve talked about in past episodes, communicating key messages, and your value rollouts five times, five different ways. And hopefully, you’ve already got scheduled celebrations of people living out the values as part of that plan. If not, you definitely want to be looking for ways to celebrate people, not just for living out the values, but specifically who faced a values clash and found an inspiring way through it. Tell their stories and reinforce what success looks like in the real world and real life when they did it.

09:10
Now let’s shift our attention over to the second kind of clash when you’ve got a clash between the stated values and a leader’s practiced values. The do what I say, not what I do, kind of a thing. All right, so first again, we’re gonna start by acknowledging the conflict. We don’t wanna shy away from the fact that these conflicts will happen. That doesn’t mean they are a bad person, it’s part of life. It’s part of rolling out and changing culture. You’ll almost always have people make self-interested decisions that make perfect sense for them, but clash with your values. And the answer is not to just tell everyone. People will continue to do what makes sense to them. Rather than calling attention to these kinds of conflicts, the potential for them, you’re inviting everyone to look for them, look for the conflicts. So you might say something like, Hey, we’re not gonna be surprised when they happen. Instead, we’re going to look for areas where our structure doesn’t align with our values and fix it.

10:00
On top of this, you want to make it safe to find solutions. The best way I can illustrate this is recently we were working with a client who I’ll call Sue, and she has a significant need for improvements, process improvements and to eliminate some employee errors that could save the business millions and millions of dollars every year and help them be much more competitive, improve their standing in the industry, all of the above, right? But as she tried to identify improvement opportunities, she couldn’t do it. She was stymied, the employees would make a mistake and their immediate manager feeling performance pressures in a fast-paced business would berate them for the mistake with the goal of preventing it from happening again. And in that environment where mistakes were punished, rather than looked at as opportunities to improve things, Sue couldn’t have meaningful conversations about how to improve the systems that created the potential for the mistakes in the first place.

10:55
In the same way, when you first roll out new values or a major corporate culture change, you can make it safe to talk about resistance and ask your managers about the conflicts they see. If you listen carefully and with appreciation, you’ll learn where your systems and infrastructure undermine your values. And finally, you wanna practice accountability with celebration. As you listen and make needed structural changes, then it’s time for accountability. There might be a manager or leader who just disagrees with the values or doesn’t wanna live by them, and that’s okay. It’s better to know and help them find an organization that’s better suited to their values. You get more of what you celebrate and encourage. So at the same time, be sure to celebrate leaders and managers who bring those conflicts to light, help to solve them and incorporate the values in their work. Fixing your systems, helping misaligned leaders to go, and celebrating leaders who address values clashes, reinforce your commitments to culture and those visible examples send the message that you really mean it. This isn’t just talk, you’re not afraid of it, it’s gonna happen. Let’s deal with it.

12:09
So that’s the second kind of values clash. With both of these, when you’re willing to do the work and address these values and culture conflicts, people will come with you. We’ve worked with organizations that have masterfully navigated these kinds of conflicts, and the results really are inspiring. The annual values awards have way more meaning in genuinely reinforcing the corporate culture. So there you go. Expect clashes in values. Expect clashes with actual behavior. Talk about them, bring them to light. Have the conversations reinforce and celebrate success when you see it happening. And be the leader you want your boss to be.

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How to Encourage an Employee Stop Talking Too Much (Without Squashing Their Enthusiasm)

Practical strategies to encourage enthusiastic team members from talking too much and empower collaborative conversation

So what do you do when your well-meaning, enthusiastic team-member is just talking too much in meetings?  It’s tricky, particularly in virtual meetings.

“Hi Karin, I watched your #AskingforaFriend about how to encourage people to speak up more in meetings, but I’ve got the EXACT OPPOSITE CHALLENGE. I’ve got a well-meaning, really strong performer, who is talking too much. I don’t want to squash his enthusiasm, but I also don’t want him to shut other people down. What should I do?”

Three Ways to Get More Voices in the Room
3 Ways to Encourage a More Inclusive Conversation1. Go directly to the employee who is talking too much

Of course, the obvious place to start is to have a caring, straightforward conversation with the employee. Ask them to help resolve the issue by taking some ownership around bringing more voices into the room. If this person is talking too much, chances are they are confident speaking up in a group and have some influence among their colleagues.

So, they could try using their voice to empower others versus stealing the show. If you need some pointers on how to initiate a challenging conversation read this article, How to Start the Conversation Everyone Wants to Avoid.

2. Reset expectations for the entire team

Inclusive and collaborative meetings are essential for driving innovation and fostering a thriving team dynamic. It’s not just that you want the employee who is talking too much to talk less….you want other people to talk more. You want everyone to have an equal opportunity to share their ideas so you can unlock the full potential of your team. Invite everyone to come prepared with one idea on how to make your meetings more inclusive.

You might go a step further and dedicate an entire session to idea generation to get the wheels spinning. Download our free I.D.E.A. Incubator Guide to hear less from the guy who is talking too much and hear more from the rest of the team. Using a structured facilitation technique will also make it clear to the person talking too much that you’re not interested in letting one person monopolize the conversation.

3. When people are talking too much, use the power of chat

To make sure everyone has the chance to speak up try using the chat feature or other technology tools. One way to do this is before you ask a question make it clear you want everyone’s input. Stop one person from talking too much by asking everyone to put their fingers on their keyboard and get ready to respond. Then take time to read some of the responses out loud to let your team know you’re paying attention.

You could also leverage technology tools to facilitate equal participation, especially in larger meetings or remote settings. Try programs like interactive polling apps, virtual whiteboards, or collaboration software to give your team alternative ways to share their ideas. This way the ones who aren’t talking too much have a chance to contribute, regardless of their communication style or level of extroversion.

Lastly, don’t forget to recognize and celebrate the contributions of each person on your team. Regardless of the size or impact of their ideas, they need to know that their voice is important. Create a courageous culture where people speak up and idea sharing and innovative thinking are normalized. By doing so, you promote a sense of collective ownership and inspire individuals to share their ideas.

That’s a start. What are your best practices for keeping one person from talking too much and making your meetings more inclusive? Please share in the comments below.

And, if you’re ready for your teams to accelerate performance and create sustainable positive culture change from within, download a free demo of our Team Accelerator manager-led program here.

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What You’re Reading So Far: The Most Read Leadership Articles of 2023

Navigating Workplace Gossip, Better Meetings, Know-it-Alls, Passive Aggressive Co-workers, and More…

It’s that time of year when we pause to review what you’re reading here on Let’s Grow Leaders. We inventory the most-read leadership articles of 2023 and here’s what you’re most interested in so far.

We would love to hear from you.

Which of our leadership articles, Leadership Without Losing Your Soul podcast episodes, and Asking-for-a-Friend videos resonate most with you and why? Please let us know what additional topics would be of most interest as we plan our editorial calendar for the back half of the year.

Most Read Let’s Grow Leaders Leadership Articles of 2023 (First Half)

If you’re a regular reader, you know we’ve been doing significant research, writing a new book, and developing and testing new techniques and tools to help you navigate challenging workplace conflicts. Several of these “best of leadership articles,” are related to this work, including our number one leadership article of the year so far, on powerful phrases to stop workplace gossip before it spreads.

It’s not too late to participate in our World Workplace Conflict and Collaboration Survey (it takes five minutes, and we would love to add your voice to the mix).

1. Got Workplace Gossip? Powerful Phrases to Stop Workplace Gossip Before It Spreads

In out most popular leadership article of the year so far, Karin shares powerful phrases to stop workplace gossip.

Of course, it’s impossible to know exactly what to say in any given situation. But, these conversation starters (and in some cases conversation stoppers), will help empower you to stop these destructive conversations.

Got Workplace Gossip? Powerful Phrases to Stop Workplace Gossip Before It Spreads

2. Advanced Guide to Lead Meetings That Get Results and People Want to Attend

Our readers know that effective leaders hold meetings that get results and people want to attend. In this article, we share six techniques to lead meetings that get results, and your people want to attend.

Advanced Guide to Lead Meetings That Get Results and People Want to Attend

3. How To Influence a Know-it-All at Work (Powerful Phrases For More Confidence)

In How To Influence a Know-it-All at Work, learn how to channel the know-it-all’s expertise while staying confident in yours.

How To Influence a Know-it-All at Work (Powerful Phrases For More Confidence)

4. How to Talk With a Passive-Aggressive Coworker (And Not Play Their Game)

Passive-aggressive behavior is contagious. It’s easy to let yourself react with frustration or even get passive-aggressive (or maybe aggressive-aggressive) yourself. Get phrases to use when working with a passive-aggressive co-worker.

How to Talk With a Passive-Aggressive Coworker (And Not Play Their Game)

5. Navigate Workplace Conflict: 3 Powerful Phrases to Foster Better Connection

To effectively navigate workplace conflict, prioritize connecting with the human at the center of it all.

Navigate Workplace Conflict: 3 Powerful Phrases to Foster Better Connection

Evergreen Topics: The Popular Leadership Articles that Continue to Trend on Let’s Grow Leaders

These continue to be some of the most-read articles on Let’s Grow Leaders.

1. Great Mid-Year Review Questions (and Video)

This is one of the most-read articles among our leader readers for good reason, a lot of people miss the opportunity to do this well. If your company doesn’t require mid-year reviews, do them anyway. If your boss doesn’t have one planned for you, why not ask for one?

Great Mid-Year Review Questions (and Video)

2. Seven Ways to Help Your Team Deal With Ambiguity

This article continues to trend as one of our most popular on Let’s Grow Leaders. We encourage you to check it out and leave a comment with your best practice for dealing with ambiguity and change.

7 Ways to Help Your Team Deal with Ambiguity at Work

3. Psychological Safety: Why People Don’t Speak Up at Work

In this popular article, we share the research that grounds our book, Courageous Cultures: How to Build Teams of Micro-Innovators, Problem Solvers, and Customer Advocates.

If you are looking for practical approaches to create more psychological safety on your team, you might also enjoy this related artice, Share your Ideas: Practical Ways to Ensure Your Voice is Heard.

Psychological Safety: Why People Don’t Speak Up at Work

Favorites on Leadership Without Losing Your Soul (Podcast)1. Balancing Strategy and Tactics

It’s no surprise that the #1 most downloaded episode this year is about balancing strategy and tactics. When you can embrace effective leadership strategies and tactics, they will work together to help you, your team, and your organization thrive.

Balancing Strategy and Tactics

2. Risk of Human Connection

The next most downloaded episode is Risk of Human Connection with Chad Littlefield. Chad gives you practical tools and questions to help you connect with your team more effectively, build better relationships and results, have more influence, and work better together.

Risk of Human Connection with Chad Littlefield

Popular on Asking For a Friend1. Leading Through Change: 4 Practical Tips to Help Your Team Embrace a New Idea.

Filmed from the Eiffel Tower in Paris France, Karin shares four practical ways to help your team embrace a new idea.

Leading Through Change: 4 Practical Tips To Help Your Team Embrace a New Idea

2. How to Increase Trust in Your Remote Team (with video)

Learn additional ways to increase trust in a highly dispersed remote or hybrid team, with special footage from Williamsburg where Karin was keynoting their leadership development conference.

How to Increase Trust in Your Remote Team (with video)

What’s your Favorite?

So, that wraps up the most-read articles on Let’s Grow Leaders so far this year. It’s always interesting to see what’s of most interest to you now and which continues to resonate over time. We’re curious, what’s your favorite and why?

The post What You’re Reading So Far: The Most Read Leadership Articles of 2023 appeared first on Let's Grow Leaders.

Why Leaders Need to Be Wrong

So many leaders feel the need to be right to demonstrate competence or to feel like they have all the answers, but in most leadership positions this doesn’t fly anymore and leaders need to be wrong from time to time. The people you’re leading who are closer to the work will inherently know more about it than the leader, so the question is, can you learn? Can you change your mind? If listening is the willingness to have your mind changed, can you learn to listen and learn to be comfortable with being wrong?

Why Leaders Need to Be Wrong

00:20
Hey, thanks for being here for this episode where I have another confession to make. It’s been a couple of years and I think since I’ve had one of these, but this is a big one and it’s reminded me why leaders need to be wrong. I’m glad that you’re with us and we’re gonna get to a leadership learning opportunity here in a moment, but it’s gonna take a second to get there.  I’m in Summit County, Colorado, and just got back from a run. I think last year on the show I mentioned I have what my wife and business partner and life partner and co-author Karen calls adult onset running.

01:03
I didn’t start running until about 10 years ago and I’m closer to half a century than any other big birthday. So with that background, I’m newer to running, and last fall I ran my first ultra-marathon a little over 32 miles. I love the trails, that’s the kind of running I do. This year I have started having some problems, I guess last year really started having some problems with blisters on my toes. I broke some toes and jammed some toes. It changed the shape and they start rubbing chafing, and getting a lot of blisters. So I have gone to every kind of blister solution that you could imagine. My favorite go-to for those of you out there who might have these issues is one of the cheapest things, diaper cream.

01:54
It is bombproof. I mean, you can go through rivers and run 20 miles. It’s still there. It doesn’t go anywhere. It’s a great solution, but it’s messy and not the most pleasant sensation. If you look into the articles and online running magazines and trail runners resources, in addition to all the other kinds of resources you might think of, there’s another one that is often recommended for blister prevention and that is toe socks. Toe socks, if you’re not familiar, they’re not the kind of socks that just have, you know, one big hole you put your foot in kind of like a mitten. Everything’s there. It’s more like a glove for your toes. There’s a little nub that each toe goes into independently. Some of my sisters have sworn by toe socks and it’s become a little bit of a joke in our family that they’ll tease me with them because I have an unnatural hatred of toe socks.

02:56
They give me the heebie-jeebies just looking at them. I’m like, nope, can’t do it. And even thinking about it now, they give me a shiver up my spine. It’s irrational. Can’t tell you where it comes from, but there you go. That’s my life. I hate toe socks or I did. So last week I was at my favorite store for such things, REI, and REI is not a sponsor. Wish they were, that would save me some money. REI it’s one of my favorite stores. And I was in there looking at socks, some the ones I’ve had have worn through and I was looking at the socks and there they were, these trail runners toe socks that were available. And you know, over the years there have been so many times where I have made a declaration that I don’t like something or I don’t do something, and a friend or a student or a participant in a program or someone will say, well, how do you know? And I always know I’m on the brink of learning something when somebody says, how do you know? Because typically the answer is, well, I don’t actually know. I don’t have that experience. And that voice came into my head as I stood there looking at the toe socks. Well, how do you know you don’t like them? Is it possible they could be a great blister prevention solution and you don’t have to fuss with diaper cream or any of that other junk?

04:28
Fine. So I grabbed one pair, I’ll try them out and I am recording this an hour or two after finishing a little over seven miles on some mountain trails and I was wrong. The toe socks are amazing.

04:54
So there I said it and I’m happy to say it. It may have taken me a lot longer to get there than I needed to. And how many extra blisters did I have that maybe I didn’t need to have? But I’m about to go out and get two or three more pairs just so I have them in rotation. Always have one clean. Okay, what’s the point of this story? It’s not about toe socks, it’s about learning. It’s about when was the last time you were wrong about something. When was the last time that somebody said, how do you know? And you learn something new and sometimes leaders need to be wrong to learn. From a leadership perspective, I know because I have been there. I have been that leader and I know so many, so many of our clients and managers, and leaders, and if you’re listening you might have the need to be right about things to demonstrate your competence, to feel like you have all the answers. I get it. I know where it comes from. When you’re an individual contributor, so much of your ability and recognition comes from being a technical master of your work, of having the answers of knowing how to solve the problems and do things.

06:06
But in a leadership position that doesn’t fly anymore, leaders need to be wrong and be okay with being wrong. The people who are closest to the work, they’re inherently going to know more about it than you do. Things continue to evolve and change and you’re not going to have all the answers. And it is the worst kind of hubris and pride and it’s just silly to think that you will. And listen, I am saying this as much to myself. I mean, you know, I have had an irrational hatred and proudly proclaimed from the rooftops my hatred of toe socks among other things. But I was wrong. They’re awesome. And so my question is, can you learn? Can you change your mind? I loved our episode two episodes back with Oscar Trimboli and his definition of listening, listening is the willingness to have your mind changed. So many of the comments he made in that episode have stuck with me.

07:08
But that one in particular, that definition of listening, am I willing to have my mind changed? What can I learn today as a leader? What are you going to learn this week? Who on your team is going to teach you something you didn’t know? We talk a lot about confidence and humility here at Let’s Grow Leaders and on Leadership Without Losing Your Soul. And it’s the confidence to be proud of and claim and know what you’re good at and the humility to know you don’t know everything there is to know and constantly be showing up with curiosity. As a leader what can you learn today? So in that spirit, I wanna invite you to send me an email. What’s something that you had a strongly held opinion or belief about and you’ve learned differently, you were wrong and now you’ve learned something better, something different, some other way of thinking, doing, believing, whatever it might be. Doesn’t have to be leadership or management related, if it is, even better. But I would love to collect some of your responses and even share some of them in a post at some point in the future. So, you can email me, david.dye@letsgrowleaders.com, and let’s celebrate that leaders need to be wrong and recognize it because that means we’re learning, we’re growing. And if you’re learning and growing, you’re on the way to being the leader you’d want your boss to be.

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How to Communicate with Difficult Customers: Powerful Phrases Series

When Dealing with Difficult Customers,
Show Up as an Empathetic Expert

Most of the time we write about human-centered leadership, but the challenges of dealing with difficult customers came up so frequently in our World Workplace Conflict and Collaboration Research, we thought we’d take a break from our regular programming to help. Here are some powerful phrases to make communicating with difficult customers easier.

Even Thought They Can’t Always Be Right

If you’ve worked with customers for more than a minute, you know that the adage, “the customer is always right” just isn’t true. Which is what makes communicating with them so challenging. Your job is to TRY to make things right for this difficult customer, but you can’t possibly please all the people all the time.

I’ve (Karin) led tens of thousands of customer-facing employees over the years, including managing more contact center and retail customer escalations than I’d care to admit.

And with all that experience, there’s one thing I can say with absolute confidence: it’s statistically unlikely that the difficult customer you’re dealing with, woke up this morning, brushed their teeth, and thought, “You know what might be fun to do today? Let’s make calls or visit stores and be as difficult as possible. I’m gonna stir up some trouble.”

And yet, according to the ACA State of Customer Service and CX, 32% of us admit to having yelled at a customer service agent. In fact, most would rather not even have to call. And, 38% of Americans said they’d rather clean a toilet than call customer service. These scary screamers are likely reasonable human beings most of the time. But the fact that they had to call in the first place, means something’s gone wrong. By the time they got through the self-serve, half-baked AI bots, and a few inane, circular transfers, they unleash their compounded frustration on the first human who will listen.

We get it. Some customers are jerks. (We will not be calling these difficult customers “Karens” for obvious reasons.) The majority are more like you–doing the best they can to get through a tough day. What do they all have in common? A genuine need to be seen and heard.

And so today, as part of our series on Powerful Phrases for Dealing with Workplace Conflict, we bring you a few for dealing with a difficult customer.

Powerful Phrases When Dealing with a Difficult Customer

Start with connection and end with a firm commitment. From the very start, your customer needs to feel you understand them and their concern, and that you have the expertise and desire to fix their issue.

“I’m so sorry this happened to you. Let’s fix this right now.”

A good start is always “I’m sorry” and acknowledging their concern and emotion.

“I’m sure that’s incredibly frustrating. That’s certainly not the experience we want you to have working with us.”

Simple statements like these help the customer feel seen, deescalate emotions, and set the tone for a productive dialogue. Even if the customer accidentally drove their car through your storefront plate glass display, you can still express sympathy. (True story. This rates high in the “weirdest calls I’ve ever received” category: “Karin, we’ve got a Honda wrapped around the iPad display. Thankfully, no one is hurt.”) You’re not sorry for their mistake, you’re empathizing with their circumstance.

“I know exactly what we need to do next.” And “I’m on it. I’m not letting you go until we get this resolved.”

Building the customer’s confidence in the first forty seconds of the interaction is another great way to calm a concerned customer. This Powerful Phrase infuses confidence into the conversation and reassures the customer that you care.

“Is that a puppy I hear in the background? Does she chew up the underwear in your laundry basket?”

You want to be curious about their circumstances, experiences, frustrations, and even the cues you’re picking up in the background. Note: This question will either immediately de-escalate the conversation or make it worse as they see it as an attempt to change the subject, so pay attention to the cues.

“Let me be sure I have this right: [Summarize]. What details did I miss that are important for me to understand?”

Especially if your customer has explained their story to someone else, this step is vital. This check for understanding serves two purposes. First, the customer feels heard. And second, it helps ensure you don’t miss vital information.

“What would a successful outcome look like for you?”

This Powerful Phrase clarifies what’s really on their minds. Even if you can’t meet that expectation, it’s better to know what your difficult customer wants.

“Here’s what I’m going to do next. And I’m going to follow up with you tomorrow and ensure we resolve the situation.”

Be sure to use this Powerful Phrase for commitment. After all, the follow-through is what your customer cares about most. What are you going to do next, by when, and how will they know?

When dealing with difficult customers, start with connection, then clarify the situation and your expertise as quickly as possible. Get curious about the circumstances and the best ways to resolve their concern. And close with a confident commitment.

Powerful Phrases for Dealing With Difficult Customers (Summary)I’m so sorry this happened to you. Let’s fix this right now.”“I’m sure that’s incredibly frustrating. That’s certainly not the experience we want you to have working with us.”“I know exactly what we need to do next.” And “I’m on it. I’m not letting you go until we get this resolved.”“Is that a puppy I hear in the background? Does she chew up the underwear in your laundry basket?”“Let me be sure I have this right: [Summarize]. What details did I miss that are important for me to understand?”“What would a successful outcome look like for you?”“Here’s what I’m going to do next. And I’m going to follow up with you tomorrow and ensure we resolve the situation.”

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Compassionate Accountability with Nate Regier

Compassion and accountability are too often in tension – leaders feel they have to pick one or the other when in fact, practicing compassionate accountability can lead to a thriving organizational culture. Solely prioritizing accountability can create toxic work environments that drive away good talent. On the other end of the spectrum, being too nice can compromise performance and productivity.

The solution is recognizing that compassion and accountability are not opposites. In fact, accountability is an element of compassion. In this episode, Nate Regier, Author of Compassionate Accountability: How Leaders Build Connection and Get Results, gives you areas to focus on the start building a culture of compassionate accountability and the common barriers for leaders and how to overcome them.

 

Compassionate Accountability

04:10

How do we show up? How do we put the human at the center of leadership when there are all these things going on that challenge us?

10:47

We have to get our minds around what is compassion. A lot of times we think of compassion as this kind of empathy, this altruism, and that we’re just helping people out.

13:36

Responsibility is about me. It’s about my thoughts, my feelings, my behaviors. It’s about the things over which I am able to respond. Accountability is about the scope of results and can be over the results of a lot of people’s work, but the responsibility is only for my behavior.

20:44

Compassion and accountability are not in opposition, they are interlinked.

21:53

Compassion is more than just being kind and nice, it includes demonstrating that people are valuable, capable, and responsible.

25:20

There are some things that seem like nice things to say, but what we’re really doing is totally undermining that person’s humanity, which is their experience.

31:57

Capability comes with a fundamental belief that anyone can learn and grow under the right conditions and anyone can contribute.

37:48

How can we start to self-regulate to become aware and to figure out what’s going on for ourselves?

49:00

The new generation demands both compassion and accountability in full measure. When you look at all of the leadership research, and all of the engagement research, the truth is that the young, smart, talented generation, wants full measure of both.

 

Connect with Nate

LinkedIn

Facebook

Get the Book

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How Do I Build Better, More Meaningful, Work Relationships?

Strong Work Relationships Start Better Questions

I’m so excited to share this week’s Asking for a Friend all about work relationships. I hosted Michael Bungay Stanier live on LinkedIn for a conversation about how to have better relationships at work and talk about his new book, “How to Work with (Almost) Anyone.” If you loved his book “The Coaching Habit,” I know you’re going to dig this conversation. 

Watch the video and please share your comments and questions below or join the conversation on LinkedIn!

The Keystone Conversation: Talk About How You Work Together

Love the concept of holding a Keystone Conversation. 

Often we jump into work relationships going straight to a discussion about the work itself. Basically, the Keystone Conversation is a discussion about how you work. Have this conversation in your work relationships before diving into specific tasks and projects.

To enhance collaboration, bring out the best in each other, and prevent problems, Michael shares these 5 essential questions to ponder. He says you don’t have to strictly adhere to this format. Any time dedicated to this conversation is valuable. Catch our full discussion about these 5 questions in our live interview and read about them below.  

5 Questions to Improve Your Work RelationshipsQuestion #1: Amplify

When do you shine? When do you flow? What is the work that you do that supports you in being your best? Michael stresses this isn’t just what you’re good at – it’s what you’re good at AND you are fulfilled by. There’s also what you’re good at but it doesn’t fulfill you. Then there’s what you really like doing but aren’t very good at (…yet!). In work relationships, it’s really helpful to know this about yourself and others.

Question #2: Steady

What are your practices, processes, and preferences? How do you work? There are simple, practical preferences here like when and how you want to be contacted, how you want to receive feedback, etc. There’s also process info here that’s important regarding the logistics of how you work. Work relationships will be better if you understand how your colleagues work. 

Questions #3 & #4: Good Date/Bate Date

What can you learn from the good work relationships of your past? What can you learn from past frustrating work relationships of your past? There’s wisdom in your past experiences and you can learn about yourself and others in how you work. 

Question #5: Repair

Let’s say you’re in a relationship and it’s gone south. How will you fix it when things go wrong? Perhaps the most potent part of this question is that you expect things to go wrong so there’s permission to talk about how you’ll repair conflict before it even starts! 

Ask yourself…what’s at stake? What could go wrong if I don’t speak up? What could go wrong if I do speak up? Michael and I agree, weigh the pros and cons before you make a decision on what to do next. 

During our live interview, David Dye asked Michael this question (to which you can probably relate). Some people are uncomfortable engaging in these conversations. When you sense that discomfort, how do you recommend proceeding?

Included in Michael’s thoughtful response he says… “This will feel a bit awkward. If there’s a singular call to action from this book, it is be the person who reaches out and starts this conversation….It will get less awkward, and it can be a game-changer.” He shares how for most people in their work relationships, this is going to feel uncomfortable and vulnerable. It’s a conversation that doesn’t happen often at work and it requires sharing something about yourself that is personal.

You can find out more about Michael Bungay Stanier’s new book “How to Work with (Almost) Anyone” right here. And let us know what you think!

And to learn more about how Let’s Grow Leaders human-centered leadership strategies can bring sustained transformation to your organization check out our Live Online & Hybrid Leadership Training Programs.

Don’t miss these related Asking for a Friend interviews

The Power of Great Teamwork: Strategies for Building High-Performing Teams (David Burkus)

How to Cultivate Compassionate Accountability: A Path to Human-Centered Leadership (Nate Regier)

 

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When Values Clash: Overcome an Invisible Barrier to Great Corporate Culture

To build a great corporate culture, don’t ignore the conflict between values

When it comes to building a great corporate culture, one of the most common frustrations we hear from senior leaders and executives is that “We involved everyone. We worked together to define our values. And we talk about them regularly. People seem to appreciate the messaging. And we saw changes at the start, but now it feels like we’ve stagnated. It’s like people tried and then stopped.”

Can you feel their pain? You did a fantastic job thinking about your culture and engaged the entire organization to define the values. Now, almost everyone can recite the values and define them. But the culture hasn’t changed.

What’s going on?

The Invisible Barrier to Great Corporate Culture

Our favorite definition of culture comes from marketing guru Seth Godin. He says culture is simply “People like us, do things like this.”

When people know and embrace your values, but you don’t see those values being lived out the problem is likely one of two invisible conflicts:

1) Conflict between the values themselves

This first type of conflict is very common. Let’s say two of your values are “Quality” and “Speed.” The conflict between the two is obvious. In the absence of other solutions, spend more time on quality and you get slower. Go faster and you likely make more mistakes.

Let’s look at one more common example of a values clash: “work-life balance” and “we do what it takes.” We’ve worked with many organizations with some version of this conflict. People genuinely want a human-centered workplace. And they feel the pressure to beat their competition and please their customer through a strong work ethic.

If you have five values, that creates the potential for ten different values clashes.

2) Conflict between the stated values and leaders’ practiced values

This second type of values conflict cripples your corporate culture and undermines employee confidence. It’s a classic case of saying one thing but doing another. But this conflict isn’t just pure hypocrisy. Often, there are underlying reasons that leaders don’t fully embrace the new value. For example, a manager’s bonus depends on the number of units shipped, regardless of units returned. So the manager undermines that “Quality” value by focusing on volume and pressuring team members who try to go slower and focus on quality.

What Happens When Values Clash

When you don’t address these values conflicts, they will undermine your corporate culture. People feel like they can’t win.

If I do this, I get dinged over here, but if I do that, then I’m in trouble on this one.

These no-win scenarios frustrate people and sap their motivation. Soon, people revert to doing the best they can to make it through. And your credibility suffers as the shiny values are now just words on a wall.

How to Overcome the Values Clash and Build Great Corporate Culture

The solution to both invisible cultural barriers is straightforward: talk about them. When you launch any kind of change, whether new values or a new information system, expect challenges. Call them out. Let everyone know you want to know about them.

Drawing attention to the inevitable conflicts prepares people for them. That employee caught between two values can say, “Oh, this is what they were talking about. Let’s see, what should I do next?” instead of throwing up their hands and walking away in frustration.

Let’s look at the specifics for each kind of values conflict.

1) How to address the clash between valuesAcknowledge the Conflicts

Don’t let these values conflicts hide in the corner. Shine a light on them and have conversations about what they mean and what to do when they happen. Keep this conversation going as you move through the values rollout. You can use the next two steps to continue the conversation.

Define Success

If culture is “people like us, do things like this,” then “what do people like us do when there is a conflict between quality and speed?”

What does success look like?

Have these discussions together. Rarely will you find a perfect solution to every values conflict. Working together to talk about the interplay will help everyone understand how to incorporate “quality” and “speed” in their daily work. The discussions about what it means to have a work-life balance and a strong work ethic will reveal new ways of doing your work.

Often, these “how can we” conversations that combine two seemingly opposing values lead to innovations and business process improvements. And you’d never get the innovations without having a discussion about the conflicts.

Tell Stories

One of our favorite ways to help clients roll out their culture change and values initiatives is facilitating senior leader stories about times they faced this values clash – and what they did. These stories bring the conflict alive and help employees picture what it looks like to navigate the values.

These stories also help everyone see that there is no perfect implementation of culture or values. Sometimes you have to make hard choices. Don’t shy away from that truth. Senior leader stories help everyone see what it means to make those choices in their work.

Celebrate Optimal Outcomes

As part of your 5 x 5 Communication Plan, you will probably already have scheduled celebrations of people living out the values. In addition, look for ways to celebrate people who faced a values clash and found an inspiring way through it. Tell their stories and reinforce what success looks like.

2) How to address the clash between the stated values and leaders’ practiced valuesAcknowledge the Conflict

Once again, don’t shy away from the fact that these conflicts will happen. You will almost always have people make self-interested decisions that make perfect sense for them, but clash with your values.

The answer is not just to tell everyone “Don’t do that.” People will continue do what makes sense to them. Rather, in calling attention to these potential conflicts, you’re inviting everyone to look for them. “We’re not going to be surprised when they happen – instead, we’re going to look for areas where our structure does align with our values – and fix it.”

Make It Safe to Find Solutions

Recently we were working with a client (Sue) who has a significant need to improve processes and eliminate employee errors that will save the business millions of dollars every year and improve their standing in the industry. But as she tried to identify the improvement opportunities, she couldn’t.

The employees would make a mistake and their immediate manager, feeling performance pressure in a fast-paced business, would berate them for the mistake with the goal of preventing it from happening again.

In that environment, where mistakes were punished, rather than looked at as opportunities, Sue couldn’t have meaningful conversations about how to improve the systems that created the potential for mistakes in the first place.

In the same way, when you first roll out new values or a major corporate culture change, you can make it safe to talk about resistance. Ask your managers about the conflicts they see. If you listen carefully and with appreciation, you’ll learn where your systems and infrastructure undermine your values.

Practice Accountability with Celebration

As you listen and make needed structural changes, it’s time for accountability. There might be a manager or leader who just disagrees with the values or doesn’t want to live by them. That’s okay – it’s better to know and help them find an organization that’s better suited to their values.

You get more of what you celebrate and encourage, so at the same time, be sure to celebrate leaders and managers who bring those conflicts to light, help to solve them, and incorporate the values in their work.

Fixing your systems, helping misaligned leaders to go, and celebrating leaders who address values clashes reinforce your commitment to culture. These visible examples send the message that you really mean it. This isn’t just talk.

Your Turn

When you’re willing to do the work and address values conflicts, people will come with you. We’ve worked with organizations to masterfully navigate these conflicts and the results are inspiring. The annual values awards have more meaning and genuinely reinforce the corporate culture.

We’d love to hear from you: what’s one way you help your team navigate clashes between values?

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