David Dubrow's Blog, page 63
July 2, 2014
I Should Have Given Him the Gorilla Munch
As usual, Whole Foods was crowded. I've never been in one that wasn't. Our three-year-old son, sitting in the front of the cart, did his typical thing: asked a thousand questions, wanted everything that caught his eye, required attention as we browsed the aisles. Nothing new.
Unfortunately, the store was woefully lacking in free samples of delectables like organic whole-grain free-range tortilla chips, organic brown rice syrup caramel popcorn, and Terra chips (also organic because, well, it's Whole Foods), so he didn't have the necessary distractions to keep him busy during shopping. Hence, the lure we'd used to keep him relatively patient turned out to be an empty promise. And I wasn't about to take a box of Gorilla Munch cereal off the shelf and open it up for him to, uh, munch on. Even if it did have tasty bits of organic gorilla baked right in. That's shoplifting.
He got a bit fractious by the time we reached the checkout line, and as the cashier rang up our organic strawberries and flaxseed-enriched organic peanut butter, I heard him bellow at the top of his lungs:
"I LIKE SPIDER-MAN!"
The entire front end of the store stared at us, and as people laughed or scowled according to their general inclinations, he added, louder:
"I LIKE SUPERMAN!"
I turned and asked him, "Are you all right?"
My wife explained, "He's performing."
"I LIKE GREEN LANTERN!"
"Well," I replied, "it needs work."
The cashier snickered, and I began to experience a vague sense of embarrassment as I became that parent: the one who can't control his little barbarian. He's usually very good, I swear, I said in the privacy of my mind. He never does this in public. Etc, etc.
The bagger asked him, sweetly, "Who do you like better: Spider-Man or Superman?"
"I LIKE FLASH!" he informed her at top volume, grinning maniacally.
I paid for our overpriced (but organically delicious) groceries, and we left the store. My son was pretty happy at that point, because he got exactly what he wanted: massive amounts of attention from everyone around. Most of it positive (though it doesn't matter at that age: even negative attention is worth getting). At least he didn't mention the color of his underwear, or the amount of body hair on his father's stomach.
That's what being a parent is, I suppose: mild embarrassment, nonsensical shouting, and relief that whatever happened could have been worse.
Unfortunately, the store was woefully lacking in free samples of delectables like organic whole-grain free-range tortilla chips, organic brown rice syrup caramel popcorn, and Terra chips (also organic because, well, it's Whole Foods), so he didn't have the necessary distractions to keep him busy during shopping. Hence, the lure we'd used to keep him relatively patient turned out to be an empty promise. And I wasn't about to take a box of Gorilla Munch cereal off the shelf and open it up for him to, uh, munch on. Even if it did have tasty bits of organic gorilla baked right in. That's shoplifting.He got a bit fractious by the time we reached the checkout line, and as the cashier rang up our organic strawberries and flaxseed-enriched organic peanut butter, I heard him bellow at the top of his lungs:
"I LIKE SPIDER-MAN!"
The entire front end of the store stared at us, and as people laughed or scowled according to their general inclinations, he added, louder:
"I LIKE SUPERMAN!"
I turned and asked him, "Are you all right?"
My wife explained, "He's performing."
"I LIKE GREEN LANTERN!"
"Well," I replied, "it needs work."
The cashier snickered, and I began to experience a vague sense of embarrassment as I became that parent: the one who can't control his little barbarian. He's usually very good, I swear, I said in the privacy of my mind. He never does this in public. Etc, etc.
The bagger asked him, sweetly, "Who do you like better: Spider-Man or Superman?"
"I LIKE FLASH!" he informed her at top volume, grinning maniacally.
I paid for our overpriced (but organically delicious) groceries, and we left the store. My son was pretty happy at that point, because he got exactly what he wanted: massive amounts of attention from everyone around. Most of it positive (though it doesn't matter at that age: even negative attention is worth getting). At least he didn't mention the color of his underwear, or the amount of body hair on his father's stomach.
That's what being a parent is, I suppose: mild embarrassment, nonsensical shouting, and relief that whatever happened could have been worse.
June 30, 2014
"Get out of my MIND!"
I've been rereading Frank Herbert's
Dune
. I've read it several times since my teens, but this is the first reread in a decade. Now that I'm reading with both eyes open: one to be entertained and one to see what Herbert did and learn from it, I'm finding brand new things to like and dislike about the novel. Despite some flaws, it's still captivating.
Like many, I came to Dune through David Lynch's movie. Dune purists hated it. The critics thought it was laughable. It was overwrought, overacted, and, in the Alan Smithee extended version, way overlong.
I loved it. I still do.
It's colored my reading the book. I can't help but read Paul's dialogue in Kyle MacLachlan's too-precise voice. Linda Hunt has become the Shadout Mapes for me. The late, great Robert Jordan was unfortunately miscast as Duncan Idaho, a small role in the film but a massive one in the books. Can't forget Sting as Feyd-Rautha (in later years, when my friends and I played Avalon Hill's awesome Dune strategy board game, we'd always refer to him as "Lovely Feyd" in a breathy Kenneth McMillan voice).
If I'd read the book first, I'd no doubt have a different opinion of both it and the film. Better or worse, I don't know. The book was definitely better: a typical claim.
Contrast that with Mario Puzo's The Godfather . Same situation: I'd seen the movie first, then read the book. The difference here is that the movie was much, much better. It was tighter, more cohesive, more entertaining. The book had some weird subplots that included a mostly superfluous Johnny Fontaine and a young woman who needed an operation on her private parts, neither of which were connected. Characters came in and out with little rhyme or reason. It was a fun read, but didn't do much for me.
Our current media culture tells us that the book is no longer enough. If it's popular, it needs a movie. Or a television series. Or a movie sequel. I don't attach a value judgment to this: it is what it is. Before I became a dad, I went to see a lot of movies, and I still like to watch them when I have the time.
What the media culture creates is a crossover effect for the book. The Dune phenomenon I mentioned earlier can't be avoided. David Lynch's bizarre vision of Frank Herbert's universe has, in part, become my vision of it. I know I'm not alone in this. What's seen can't be unseen. Lynch has put himself into my copy of the book.
The late Puzo and equally late Herbert aside, do the authors of these books know what's been done to them in the minds of their readers? Translating them to a new medium doesn't change the words printed on the page, but it does alter our perception of them. They no longer exist in discrete vacuums; one format informs and alters the other.
Like many, I came to Dune through David Lynch's movie. Dune purists hated it. The critics thought it was laughable. It was overwrought, overacted, and, in the Alan Smithee extended version, way overlong. I loved it. I still do.
It's colored my reading the book. I can't help but read Paul's dialogue in Kyle MacLachlan's too-precise voice. Linda Hunt has become the Shadout Mapes for me. The late, great Robert Jordan was unfortunately miscast as Duncan Idaho, a small role in the film but a massive one in the books. Can't forget Sting as Feyd-Rautha (in later years, when my friends and I played Avalon Hill's awesome Dune strategy board game, we'd always refer to him as "Lovely Feyd" in a breathy Kenneth McMillan voice).
If I'd read the book first, I'd no doubt have a different opinion of both it and the film. Better or worse, I don't know. The book was definitely better: a typical claim.
Contrast that with Mario Puzo's The Godfather . Same situation: I'd seen the movie first, then read the book. The difference here is that the movie was much, much better. It was tighter, more cohesive, more entertaining. The book had some weird subplots that included a mostly superfluous Johnny Fontaine and a young woman who needed an operation on her private parts, neither of which were connected. Characters came in and out with little rhyme or reason. It was a fun read, but didn't do much for me.
Our current media culture tells us that the book is no longer enough. If it's popular, it needs a movie. Or a television series. Or a movie sequel. I don't attach a value judgment to this: it is what it is. Before I became a dad, I went to see a lot of movies, and I still like to watch them when I have the time.
What the media culture creates is a crossover effect for the book. The Dune phenomenon I mentioned earlier can't be avoided. David Lynch's bizarre vision of Frank Herbert's universe has, in part, become my vision of it. I know I'm not alone in this. What's seen can't be unseen. Lynch has put himself into my copy of the book.
The late Puzo and equally late Herbert aside, do the authors of these books know what's been done to them in the minds of their readers? Translating them to a new medium doesn't change the words printed on the page, but it does alter our perception of them. They no longer exist in discrete vacuums; one format informs and alters the other.
June 27, 2014
Is Your Television Full of Ghosts?
Well, according to Stefan Andiopolous' book
Ghostly Apparitions
, no. It's not. But it was intended to be a medium. A spirit medium.
BLDGBLOG discusses the book in an article titled, An Occult History of the Television Set, and writes:
So, while the television itself—the object you and I most likely know as the utterly mundane fixture of family distraction sitting centrally ensconced in a nearby living room—might not be a supernatural mechanism, it nonetheless descends from a strange and convoluted line of esoteric experimentation, including early attempts at controlling electromagnetic transmissions, directing radio waves, and even experiencing various forms of so-called "remote viewing."
Read the whole thing to get an interesting glimpse into early attempts to explain or display the universe through electronic means. This includes the hidden universe: so-called spirits, ghosts, the dead, etc.
BLDGBLOG discusses the book in an article titled, An Occult History of the Television Set, and writes:
So, while the television itself—the object you and I most likely know as the utterly mundane fixture of family distraction sitting centrally ensconced in a nearby living room—might not be a supernatural mechanism, it nonetheless descends from a strange and convoluted line of esoteric experimentation, including early attempts at controlling electromagnetic transmissions, directing radio waves, and even experiencing various forms of so-called "remote viewing."
Read the whole thing to get an interesting glimpse into early attempts to explain or display the universe through electronic means. This includes the hidden universe: so-called spirits, ghosts, the dead, etc.
June 25, 2014
An Imagination Is a Terrible Thing
I have been reliably informed that there is a stingray in this pictureMy three-year-old son and I were walking along the dock. His mother had gone on ahead to take pictures of the stingrays gliding through the shallows.Son: "What's that?" *points to dock*Me: "Don't step on that, kiddo. That's bird poopies."Son: *takes exaggerated steps around a massive clot of pelican poop* "Birds pee on there, too."Me: "Well, I don't know if they pee on there. I don't even know if birds do pee."Son: "They did. Lots of time ago. They pee on there."Me: "Okay."Son: "Lots of time ago birds have lots of penises."Me: *caught between dismay and fascination* "Oh?"Son: "Yeah. They have lots of bad penises and pee lots of time ago."Me: *struggling with the mental image of a multi-penised bird soaring above, micturating on the dock* "Uh, okay." Son: "Yeah!" *runs to catch up to his mother*
Nobody told me that parenthood would be like this: peeing prehistoric penis birds. Lord only knows what other strange beasts lurk in the soup of his imagination.
(As it turns out, birds don't pee.)
June 23, 2014
Home Invasions Suck: Here's How to Make Them Suck Less
Unless you have a private security team guarding you 24/7, your personal security is your responsibility. The police, as much as we admire them, don't have as their primary duty to protect you from harm; they're there to clean up afterwards. Investigating after the fact doesn't help you now, when the enraged drunk who's kicking the hell out of your front door is about to break in.
But, in case your front door can withstand a couple minutes' worth of kicking, you want to make sure that emergency services get to your house sooner rather than later. We'll leave the choice to arm yourself or not for another discussion: this one's about calling for help.
There are two types of people who will break into your house: burglars and home invaders.
A burglar doesn't want you there when he robs your home. His intent is to get in and out as quickly as possible. He doesn't steal from houses to meet people: he steals to get easily-fenced loot that he can sell to buy drugs. You'll probably never see him steal your stuff, which is a good thing.A home invader wants to interact with you. Unlike the burglar, he picks a time when he's sure you're home to break in. Usually, this is because he thinks you've got valuables that he wouldn't otherwise acquire from a simple smash-and-grab. He's going to do this by doing horrible violence to you, including but not limited to rape. This is the monster we're most worried about.
A burglar will sometimes become a home invader if you suddenly get home while he's stealing your stuff. If he hears you come in, most of the time he'll run. If he doesn't run, it's because he's decided that it's worth his while to interact with you. That usually doesn't end well.
So, consider the scenario: you're at home in bed, or watching TV, or eating dinner, or all three, etc. when you hear someone trying to break into your home. You grab up your phone and take everyone into the pre-assigned safe room to call the police. Say it's the master bedroom. It's most likely that he's going to bust through the front door and the master bedroom door before the police get there. Aside from dealing with the threat personally, what do you do?
Before I tell you, I must say that I am not in any way suggesting that you do anything illegal. The remainder of this piece is written for the individual who decides to engage in illegal activity that can result in a fine or even jail time. So don't do this if you intend to follow the law.
Let's get back to it: he's breaking down the door. What do you do?
When you dial 911 and talk to the dispatcher, tell the dispatcher that not only is someone trying to break into your house, but he's also set fire to it and you're having a heart attack . This will send EMTs and fire department personnel to your house, both of whom may get there sooner than the police. They'll arrive with sirens blaring. The home invader won't know the difference between a police siren and a fire department siren, and is more likely to be scared off. Not only that, but it'll wake the neighborhood, bringing massive amounts of attention that the home invader doesn't want.
Aren't you putting the EMTs in danger? And the fire department? No. They'll be told there's a dangerous felon at the address, so they'll wait in their respective vehicles until the police arrive. Aren't you taking them away from someone who really does need them? Like someone whose house really is on fire? Yes. But think of it this way: it's no more moral or ethical for you to be killed by a home invader than it is to die in a fire. You need those emergency personnel, too. Just in a different way this time. Isn't that illegal? Yes. And you'll probably pay a fine. But the alternative is much, much worse.
Don't compromise when it comes to your personal safety. Especially if you've got people who love and depend on you. Do what you have to do to survive.
But, in case your front door can withstand a couple minutes' worth of kicking, you want to make sure that emergency services get to your house sooner rather than later. We'll leave the choice to arm yourself or not for another discussion: this one's about calling for help.There are two types of people who will break into your house: burglars and home invaders.
A burglar doesn't want you there when he robs your home. His intent is to get in and out as quickly as possible. He doesn't steal from houses to meet people: he steals to get easily-fenced loot that he can sell to buy drugs. You'll probably never see him steal your stuff, which is a good thing.A home invader wants to interact with you. Unlike the burglar, he picks a time when he's sure you're home to break in. Usually, this is because he thinks you've got valuables that he wouldn't otherwise acquire from a simple smash-and-grab. He's going to do this by doing horrible violence to you, including but not limited to rape. This is the monster we're most worried about.
A burglar will sometimes become a home invader if you suddenly get home while he's stealing your stuff. If he hears you come in, most of the time he'll run. If he doesn't run, it's because he's decided that it's worth his while to interact with you. That usually doesn't end well.
So, consider the scenario: you're at home in bed, or watching TV, or eating dinner, or all three, etc. when you hear someone trying to break into your home. You grab up your phone and take everyone into the pre-assigned safe room to call the police. Say it's the master bedroom. It's most likely that he's going to bust through the front door and the master bedroom door before the police get there. Aside from dealing with the threat personally, what do you do?
Before I tell you, I must say that I am not in any way suggesting that you do anything illegal. The remainder of this piece is written for the individual who decides to engage in illegal activity that can result in a fine or even jail time. So don't do this if you intend to follow the law.
Let's get back to it: he's breaking down the door. What do you do?
When you dial 911 and talk to the dispatcher, tell the dispatcher that not only is someone trying to break into your house, but he's also set fire to it and you're having a heart attack . This will send EMTs and fire department personnel to your house, both of whom may get there sooner than the police. They'll arrive with sirens blaring. The home invader won't know the difference between a police siren and a fire department siren, and is more likely to be scared off. Not only that, but it'll wake the neighborhood, bringing massive amounts of attention that the home invader doesn't want.
Aren't you putting the EMTs in danger? And the fire department? No. They'll be told there's a dangerous felon at the address, so they'll wait in their respective vehicles until the police arrive. Aren't you taking them away from someone who really does need them? Like someone whose house really is on fire? Yes. But think of it this way: it's no more moral or ethical for you to be killed by a home invader than it is to die in a fire. You need those emergency personnel, too. Just in a different way this time. Isn't that illegal? Yes. And you'll probably pay a fine. But the alternative is much, much worse.
Don't compromise when it comes to your personal safety. Especially if you've got people who love and depend on you. Do what you have to do to survive.
June 20, 2014
Book Review: New Watch by Sergei Lukyanenko
I've loved Lukyanenko's Watch series ever since I walked past a movie poster for the
Night Watch
film in 2004 and just had to stare for a couple of minutes, in awe. This was neat. There was a terribly long wait before the book upon which the movie was based was released in the U.S., but when it came out, it was worth it. The sequel,
Day Watch
, was almost as good. Twilight Watch and Last Watch followed. They weren't as good as the first two, but worth reading. Unfortunately, the downward trend has continued with New Watch .
It is far from a bad book. It's definitely worth your time, but only if you really liked the earlier volumes in the series. The main problem was that I felt New Watch was written just to continue the series, not tell a compelling story.
Filtered through the lens of the supernatural, there are the usual fascinating descriptions of contemporary Russian culture and meditations on its past: things we've come to expect from the Watch series. Discussions on the ethics of power and the place Others should or shouldn't have in human society? They're there, too. But by now, the author's gone to the well a little too often on the philosophical issues, and the water's getting muddy.
Some characters return, like Olga, Semyon, and Gesar, but they lack the bite they had from the previous novels. They're mostly window dressing. A new character, a human policeman (polizei) is introduced, but Lukyanenko doesn't do a lot with him. Throughout, the only two characters of real importance are Anton the protagonist and Arina the sometimes antagonist. There is a third character, the Tiger, but I can't describe him/her without giving anything important away, so I won't.
Concepts like the nature of the Twilight and the purpose of Prophets are discussed, but the explanations behind them seem too forced, too superficial. They needed fleshing out. Anton has to go overseas in order to learn basic, fundamental things that the Russian Others should have known all along. An infidelity subplot is hinted at, but goes nowhere and leaves one wondering why it was introduced.
There are flashes of brilliance here and there, like Anton's precognitive flash and some neat magic tricks, but they're overwhelmed by an underwhelming ending that hinges on two unfortunate elements: a plot device brought in on the last couple of pages, and a handshake agreement that makes little sense.
Did you like the other books in the series? Then buy this one. Just don't get your hopes up.
Three stars out of five.
June 17, 2014
Jack Nicholson Said It Best
I'm changing the blog a little bit. I can do that, because currently nobody reads it except for a few nice people, and believe me, I appreciate every time you visit.
Anyway, I'm not going to write about writing, so much. Or about my marketing efforts. That's stuff that only writers want to know about, and my intent here is to garner a broader audience. Honestly, does anybody give a rat's peepee about my combing through The Indie View for reviewers? No. Of course not. Hell, I don't want to read about it, and I've written several posts about it already.
I like writing about personal defense issues, of which I know a lot. And the supernatural. And horror. And other topics of interest that won't put you to sleep.
Since 2003, I administrated a current events and politics blog with several writers of varying viewpoints. Very recently, I closed it. So I know what it's like to put words into the ether.
Your visits are always welcome, and your comments treasured. I look forward to hearing from you.
June 16, 2014
Gluten in the Blood
I love bread. I always have. Growing up in Philadelphia, there were always good delicatessens around that served not only delicious cold cuts, but rye bread: the kind with the really soft inside and chewy crust. You can keep the caraway seeds. Tastykakes (a Pennsylvania-based company that makes Hostess-style cakes) were good, cheesesteaks an occasional welcome indulgence (I always preferred a pizza steak to a cheesesteak because processed yellow cheese food is disgusting), but a slice of rye bread, plain, was a real treat. No butter, because why ruin a perfectly good piece of bread?
Bread is magic. To paraphrase Peter Reinhart, a master baker, it's the story of life and death and resurrection. The live wheat is killed in harvest, and then it lives again with the use of yeast in dough, and then it's killed once more in the oven. It's a symbol of civilization.
So, over the course of decades, I made my own breads, with varying degrees of success. I went through bread machines and recipes, trying to achieve artisan-style bread: the kind with the large, irregular holes. It was a hobby that I'd picked up and dropped in cycles until late 2010, when my wife bought me a copy of Peter Reinhart's Artisan Breads Every Day .
It was a truly transformative book, and not only taught me how to make that elusive bread with the big holes, but also spurred me on to learn more about bread baking in general. It also encouraged me to start a blog called Adventures in Leavening. It documented my early successes and techniques. I still refer to it from time to time, but I haven't updated it in years.
I have a toddler son, so I can no longer pursue hobbies the way I once did. When he's a little older, he and I will go into the kitchen and make things like yeast doughnuts and breads and such. We'll see if he catches the bread spark, so to speak. It's likely he will: when I can, I make us ciabatta bread as a treat, and pizza on the weekends. But for now, my time is not all my own. My little boy is only going to be this young once, and he's a great guy to hang out with.
But I will get back to more baking some day. I've got gluten in my blood.
Bread is magic. To paraphrase Peter Reinhart, a master baker, it's the story of life and death and resurrection. The live wheat is killed in harvest, and then it lives again with the use of yeast in dough, and then it's killed once more in the oven. It's a symbol of civilization.
So, over the course of decades, I made my own breads, with varying degrees of success. I went through bread machines and recipes, trying to achieve artisan-style bread: the kind with the large, irregular holes. It was a hobby that I'd picked up and dropped in cycles until late 2010, when my wife bought me a copy of Peter Reinhart's Artisan Breads Every Day .
It was a truly transformative book, and not only taught me how to make that elusive bread with the big holes, but also spurred me on to learn more about bread baking in general. It also encouraged me to start a blog called Adventures in Leavening. It documented my early successes and techniques. I still refer to it from time to time, but I haven't updated it in years.
I have a toddler son, so I can no longer pursue hobbies the way I once did. When he's a little older, he and I will go into the kitchen and make things like yeast doughnuts and breads and such. We'll see if he catches the bread spark, so to speak. It's likely he will: when I can, I make us ciabatta bread as a treat, and pizza on the weekends. But for now, my time is not all my own. My little boy is only going to be this young once, and he's a great guy to hang out with.
But I will get back to more baking some day. I've got gluten in my blood.
June 13, 2014
Being Hit in the Face Isn't Necessarily a Bad Thing
One of the many things that I learned working for a niche publisher was that the vast majority of traditional martial arts are not only a gigantic waste of time, but present a false sense of confidence that can get their practitioners seriously injured. This includes many of the so-called "reality-based self-defense" arts that you'll see advertised on-line.
One of the main reasons of this is because most martial artists have never been hit in the face in anger. Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu expert Carlson Gracie famously said, "Punch a black belt in the face, he becomes a brown belt. Punch him again, purple." Boxer Mike Tyson said something similar: "Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the mouth." Going back further, there's the famous quote by Helmuth von Moltke the Elder, often misattributed to Von Clausewitz: "No battle plan ever survives contact with the enemy." If you haven't actually used your martial art against a determined attacker who has no compunctions about putting you in the morgue, you don't know if it will work or not. Your martial art is your battle plan. Can it survive contact with the enemy?
Probably not. There's a term in self-defense circles called "pillar assaults." I don't know the etymology of it. A pillar assault is when your instructor attacks you in a way that makes it most likely for your defensive technique to succeed. This makes the instructor look good, because he taught you something that works, and it makes you feel good because you just defended yourself against an attack. The problem is that it presents a false view of reality and builds your confidence on a foundation of balsa wood. Think of it this way: is your instructor teaching you defenses against wrist grabs and full nelsons, neither of which are common street attacks, or is he teaching you how to avoid being stabbed in the neck with a 99 cent screwdriver held by a teenage meth addict? Just do a web search on stabbed screwdriver and see how many people are attacked with them. Then do a web search on injuries sustained by wrist grabs and full nelsons.
Hold on, you might say. A wrist grab isn't an attack in and of itself: it's a prelude to something else! Okay, let's look at the entire situation. If you don't take an encompassing, holistic view of your personal defense, you're letting yourself learn from pillar assaults and you'll fail outside of the gym. What's the situation in which someone's grabbed your wrist?
A mugging? Someone after your wallet or purse doesn't start his assault by grabbing your wrist. He starts by putting a weapon in your face or hitting you as you walk by or clocking you in the back of the head with a chunk of concrete.A street fight? Someone mad at you for taking his parking space or disrespecting his paramour doesn't begin attacking you by grabbing your wrist, either. After the initial shouting and screaming obscenities stage, he'll take a swing at you.A domestic dispute? If you're in a verbal altercation with a close someone who's likely to become violent, you need to get away from that person as soon as you can. And if you can't get away, you need to put your hands up to prepare to hit first or block a punch. What are your wrists doing where someone can just grab them? Say everything's gone wrong for you and someone did, for whatever reason, grab your wrist. First, that's good: it means he's not hitting you yet. He's used one hand to grab you, not hit you. Remember that if someone grabs you without your consent, that's assault and you're within your legal rights to defend yourself. So rather than go through a complicated set of movements that your instructor taught you in the gym, go with your attacker's energy: if he pulls you to him, allow it and start punching and ripping the hell out of his face. Don't resist his pulling. If he wants you, he can have you, including your righteous anger at being assaulted.
Nice people don't get hit in the face. Until they do. If your martial arts, your battle plan, is taught by someone who isn't intimately familiar with the kind of attacks you're most likely going to encounter, you're wasting your time. Real fights are ugly. They're pigpiles. They don't happen like they're practiced in most gyms. Assess your combat strategy with an eye toward being able to practice it after having been hit in the face. Does it hold up?
TL; DR: Most martial arts don't prepare you for actual fighting outside of the gym.
One of the main reasons of this is because most martial artists have never been hit in the face in anger. Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu expert Carlson Gracie famously said, "Punch a black belt in the face, he becomes a brown belt. Punch him again, purple." Boxer Mike Tyson said something similar: "Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the mouth." Going back further, there's the famous quote by Helmuth von Moltke the Elder, often misattributed to Von Clausewitz: "No battle plan ever survives contact with the enemy." If you haven't actually used your martial art against a determined attacker who has no compunctions about putting you in the morgue, you don't know if it will work or not. Your martial art is your battle plan. Can it survive contact with the enemy?
Probably not. There's a term in self-defense circles called "pillar assaults." I don't know the etymology of it. A pillar assault is when your instructor attacks you in a way that makes it most likely for your defensive technique to succeed. This makes the instructor look good, because he taught you something that works, and it makes you feel good because you just defended yourself against an attack. The problem is that it presents a false view of reality and builds your confidence on a foundation of balsa wood. Think of it this way: is your instructor teaching you defenses against wrist grabs and full nelsons, neither of which are common street attacks, or is he teaching you how to avoid being stabbed in the neck with a 99 cent screwdriver held by a teenage meth addict? Just do a web search on stabbed screwdriver and see how many people are attacked with them. Then do a web search on injuries sustained by wrist grabs and full nelsons.
Hold on, you might say. A wrist grab isn't an attack in and of itself: it's a prelude to something else! Okay, let's look at the entire situation. If you don't take an encompassing, holistic view of your personal defense, you're letting yourself learn from pillar assaults and you'll fail outside of the gym. What's the situation in which someone's grabbed your wrist?
A mugging? Someone after your wallet or purse doesn't start his assault by grabbing your wrist. He starts by putting a weapon in your face or hitting you as you walk by or clocking you in the back of the head with a chunk of concrete.A street fight? Someone mad at you for taking his parking space or disrespecting his paramour doesn't begin attacking you by grabbing your wrist, either. After the initial shouting and screaming obscenities stage, he'll take a swing at you.A domestic dispute? If you're in a verbal altercation with a close someone who's likely to become violent, you need to get away from that person as soon as you can. And if you can't get away, you need to put your hands up to prepare to hit first or block a punch. What are your wrists doing where someone can just grab them? Say everything's gone wrong for you and someone did, for whatever reason, grab your wrist. First, that's good: it means he's not hitting you yet. He's used one hand to grab you, not hit you. Remember that if someone grabs you without your consent, that's assault and you're within your legal rights to defend yourself. So rather than go through a complicated set of movements that your instructor taught you in the gym, go with your attacker's energy: if he pulls you to him, allow it and start punching and ripping the hell out of his face. Don't resist his pulling. If he wants you, he can have you, including your righteous anger at being assaulted.
Nice people don't get hit in the face. Until they do. If your martial arts, your battle plan, is taught by someone who isn't intimately familiar with the kind of attacks you're most likely going to encounter, you're wasting your time. Real fights are ugly. They're pigpiles. They don't happen like they're practiced in most gyms. Assess your combat strategy with an eye toward being able to practice it after having been hit in the face. Does it hold up?
TL; DR: Most martial arts don't prepare you for actual fighting outside of the gym.
June 6, 2014
Just Who ARE You People, Anyway?
I don't know who my market is.
That's okay, but I have to change that. The story I'm telling with the Armageddon Series, starting with The Blessed Man and the Witch , is going to be told my way, because it's the kind of story I would have wanted to read. But I don't know who I'm telling it to. Yet.
There are some very graphic, brutal, horror-themed elements to it, so I can't market it to romance readers. It's got a lot of harsh language and a few intimate situations in it, so I can't sell it to Christian fiction fans, despite the Biblical themes. I term it a supernatural thriller, but that's such a broad category as to be almost meaningless. But it'll have to do for now. Perhaps it's horror. A lot of thriller readers don't like their thrills to be too graphic, too...horrible, though. And, I'll admit, the fact that the story is told across several characters has made it difficult for some readers to get into.
This problem of finding a market is far from unusual, and every publisher works hard to do it, from the big New York firms to self-publishers like me. It takes time, money, and a great deal of effort.
Bland platitudes aside, here's a perfect example:
I publisher I worked for for over twelve years had created its own market from scratch. Nobody else was doing what they were doing in the beginning. The company's founder was brilliant: he identified a niche and filled it. And for decades, his company was on top.
The whole story of why they're not on top any longer is not for this blog post, but two major things contributed to knock them off of their perch: changing laws regarding what can and can't be published in the United States, and the rise of the internet.
The latter was the worst hit, and still is for many non-fiction publishers. Why buy a book when you can find the information on-line for free? The internet forever altered the market, and my former employer did not change with the times. They don't know who they're selling to anymore. They used to do occasional surveys, but rarely changed marketing strategies as a result of the information provided.
So who's buying their stuff? Millennials? The 45-60 age group? Just men? Men and women? And if they don't know, how do they market to them?
My intent here is not to trash my former employer, but to use them as an object lesson: learn who your market is, or you're wasting your marketing efforts. Write what you want to write, and if you want to change the story you want to tell to suit your readers, great. But you have to know who those readers are.
There are people out there who will buy your book. They just don't know about it yet. Get out there and find your audience.
TL; DR: Learn who it is your book is written for, and sell to them.
That's okay, but I have to change that. The story I'm telling with the Armageddon Series, starting with The Blessed Man and the Witch , is going to be told my way, because it's the kind of story I would have wanted to read. But I don't know who I'm telling it to. Yet.
There are some very graphic, brutal, horror-themed elements to it, so I can't market it to romance readers. It's got a lot of harsh language and a few intimate situations in it, so I can't sell it to Christian fiction fans, despite the Biblical themes. I term it a supernatural thriller, but that's such a broad category as to be almost meaningless. But it'll have to do for now. Perhaps it's horror. A lot of thriller readers don't like their thrills to be too graphic, too...horrible, though. And, I'll admit, the fact that the story is told across several characters has made it difficult for some readers to get into.
This problem of finding a market is far from unusual, and every publisher works hard to do it, from the big New York firms to self-publishers like me. It takes time, money, and a great deal of effort.
Bland platitudes aside, here's a perfect example:
I publisher I worked for for over twelve years had created its own market from scratch. Nobody else was doing what they were doing in the beginning. The company's founder was brilliant: he identified a niche and filled it. And for decades, his company was on top.
The whole story of why they're not on top any longer is not for this blog post, but two major things contributed to knock them off of their perch: changing laws regarding what can and can't be published in the United States, and the rise of the internet.
The latter was the worst hit, and still is for many non-fiction publishers. Why buy a book when you can find the information on-line for free? The internet forever altered the market, and my former employer did not change with the times. They don't know who they're selling to anymore. They used to do occasional surveys, but rarely changed marketing strategies as a result of the information provided.
So who's buying their stuff? Millennials? The 45-60 age group? Just men? Men and women? And if they don't know, how do they market to them?
My intent here is not to trash my former employer, but to use them as an object lesson: learn who your market is, or you're wasting your marketing efforts. Write what you want to write, and if you want to change the story you want to tell to suit your readers, great. But you have to know who those readers are.
There are people out there who will buy your book. They just don't know about it yet. Get out there and find your audience.
TL; DR: Learn who it is your book is written for, and sell to them.
