Kendra Tierney's Blog, page 11

A Show About the Depth of Male Friendship . . . and farting trolls

The husband is reading The Lord of the Rings aloud to the kids, and I find myself struck again by the beauty of the friendship between Frodo and Sam. Sam's constant selfless devotion, Frodo's (eventual) trust and reliance . . . it's just all so touching. And a deep and profound friendship between two men is not something I'm used to finding in entertainment.

Then, in my poking around on Netflix, looking for something to watch while stuck under a nursing baby, I happened upon a BBC show from about ten years ago, called Merlin . And, wouldn't you know it, this show features a similarly moving relationship between the titular character and Aurthur of Camelot. There's also a lot of teasing and silliness, but it all ends up in friendship.



Now, The Lord of the Rings is profound for lots of other reasons besides its portrayal of friendship, and Tolkien's writing is brilliant and complex. I would not describe the writing on Merlin using either of those terms, but it is fun and entertaining.

It somehow manages to be The Lord of the Rings meets Doctor Who. It has the heart and Truth, deep down, of The Lord of the Rings but the lighthearted wackiness and (somewhat cheesy) monster-heavy special effects of Doctor Who.



My favorite things about the show . . .

1. Merlin is chock full of self-sacrifice and virtue among its characters. Merlin is a servant willing to die for his master and friend. Aurthur is a leader willing to die for his kingdom and people. Gaius is a model example of a foster father. The knights are selfless and daring and good. Guinevere is brave and loyal (when she's not under a magic spell, but she's under a magic spell a LOT).

2. The heroes don't flip-flop. Characters develop, and some do start out as friends and become foes, but it's a story arc, and you have the sense that it's coming. The GOOD guys, however, struggle and question, and they sometimes fail, but they don't just become bad guys for a while, or turn out to have been bad guys all along. I really hate that. And I think it's unnecessarily confusing for kids.

3. Speaking of kids, this is truly a family show. There is no sexual content in the show. Even characters who get married don't ever have a big SCENE. There's some awkwardness between a troll and a main character (more on that later) and one of the knights is shown putting his shirt on in his room with a young lady present, so we can figure what must have happened. But that's absolutely as bad as it gets.

4. It's all been made. It's five seasons, which is enough but not too much, and it's finished, so you can't get invested in it then have them spring something problematic on you.



Good guys are good, bad guys are bad, a little romance, a lot of swashbuckling, a lot of magic, no gore, no language, no sex. It's fun for the whole family.

BUT. I should probably warn you . . .



1. There is a TON of male shirtlessness in this show. I don't personally imagine the king of Camelot sleeping shirtless. But this one does. There's an episode in which the knights are captured and made to work in some snow mines where it's so cold, you can see their breath. And they are shirtless the whole time. One of the knights, Percival, wears cut off chain mail, which should no more be a thing than bikini armor. It just really defeats the POINT of chain mail, if it has no sleeves. Most awkward of all, there's a running gag about Aurthur's pants falling down.

2. It can be kind of intense. There is one REALLY SCARY episode in season five (The Dark Tower). There are intense battle scenes. Characters we love die. It might all be too much for sensitive kids.

3. The writing is a bit formulaic. Basically, most episodes are: A trusted person within the court wants to kill the king. Merlin and Gaius know but can't tell Aurthur because, reasons. The murderous person cannot, say, just STAB the king because, reasons. So, there's an elaborate plot that involves going on a quest or fighting a magical beast of some sort. All poisons take about three days to kill you, to give you time for the questing.

4. Many of the episodes are very earnest and very touching. . . . And some seem like they must have been written by a nine year old boy because they are almost completely about farting. I really did not like those episodes, and felt extraordinarily embarrassed for all of the actors while watching them. I'd recommend skipping them entirely, except they do advance the plot. Fortunately, there are only a handful, mostly in season two.


Overall, I enjoyed and recommend it. If you like fantasy and don't mind some camp to go with it, and you're not TOO worried about whether some knights might catch a cold, perhaps Merlin is for you. And if you're looking for something to watch with the kids, this could fit the bill. I plan to watch it through again sometime with my kids, probably the seven and ups.

You might also enjoy:

There's a Right Way and a Wrong Way to Fracture a Fairy Tale . . . Daredevil is Catholic (so far)
And that's my honest opinion. But this is a sponsored post.





What are we missing out on? What are YOUR favorite whole-family shows?

Enforcing the Rules When Family Isn't Supportive

Mailbag time! Today, you get two for the price of one, on a really challenging topic: how to handle family members who undermine our parenting.

- first question -

Hey, Kendra!

I was at the funeral for one of my relatives, and after at the cemetery, we went to visit the grave sites of some other family members. Well, one of my second cousins is in her mid 30s, and she has three kids- 1 girl and 2 boys. The youngest, I'd say, is about 7 or 8, and he's quite the handful. Anyways. We were all gathered around my great-grandfather's grave site, and said boy walks right up and starts climbing on top of the gravestone.

At which point, his mother tells him to get down. Two things happen. 1- he completely ignores her, and, 2- the rest of her family (parents, aunts, and cousins) completely undermines her authority and tell her and the child that it's ok, it's not a big deal, and then even make light of it.

I said nothing, but was outraged because 1- Mom said NO, regardless of what the kid is doing is unacceptable, she said no. End of story. 2- her family members unintentionally enabled the kid to completely ignore his mother by disregarding her authority as a parent.

I discussed it with my fiancee, and we both agreed that said situation was not acceptable, and would remove our kid from the situation for correction if it ever occurred. However, we drew a complete blank when it came to dealing with family members who undermine our authority as parents.

So. Question: Has anything like this ever happened to you? How would you deal with the family members who stepped in?

Thanks!
Jen

- first answer -Hey Jen,

Thanks! Yeah. I think all parents have faced that one. And I think your instincts are completely right on it.

In those situations, I try to remember that the family members (or friends, or complete strangers) really do THINK they're being helpful They're not, of course, but they do mean well. It's not like they've set out to undermine your parenting, they are just uncomfortable witnessing parental correction, since you just don't see it out in the open these days.

So, I am polite to the meddlers, but firm in my discipline. I'd just smile and say, "Well, either way, he DOES have to listen when his parents tell him something." And I'd try to find someplace more private to have a discussion with my child.

And if you do that often enough, the meddlers quit meddling, mostly.

I'm sure there are some grandparents out there who are (consciously or unconsciously) deliberately undermining parental authority, but I think in MOST cases it's just awkwardness than can be handled by confident parenting. It sounds like you're on the right track!

Cheers,
Kendra


- second question -

Hi Kendra,

I am wondering how you would handle a situation I often find myself in. My husband and I are very, very blessed to live close to our parents, siblings, and close family. We see them often, at least once per week, usually more. I am so happy that my children get to see their family on such a regular basis.

I have learned so much about parenting from your blog, and a lot of the rules and expectations you have shared really seem to work for my family. The problem is that our extended families do not seem to respect our rules for our children, even when we politely explain or ask. Many of them think we are "much too strict" and that our expectations exceed the capabilities of a two year old (which is obviously not true, because my daughter has shown me that she is very capable of following my rules).

I used to simply give up and allow "free for all" whenever our family visited, but since we do see them so often, it is causing me a great deal of stress. And, not to mention, the amount of effort it takes to get my daughter back on track after they leave is difficult in itself.

I really want to be respectful of our family, and especially our parents. But where is the line between "honoring thy father and mother" and my sanity?

Thank you Kendra, and God Bless!
Ashley

- second answer -Ashley,

This one is really tricky. And how I would handle it depends on a few different factors.

If I thought I could do it without hurting their feelings, I might mention to individual family members, in as casual a way as I could manage, that I think consistency with our family rules is really important for my daughter and I'd really appreciate it if they could try to back us up on them.

But I know that's not possible in all families, and in some cases people could be really offended.

In that case, you might be stuck doing your best and waiting it out a bit. I have a different mailbag post about how we try to babyproof the baby, rather than babyproofing the house. And, really, we are the same way with older kids. I want their discipline and standards of behavior to come from within. Of course, those standards are based on our family rules, but basically, my goal is that the behavior of my children would be the same inside my home as at someone else's home, and the same under my direct supervision as under the supervision of another adult, or completely unsupervised.

I should admit here, however, that despite the fact that this is something we really do work with our kids on, IF my kids are going to do something crazy and ridiculous and that I would not believe they were capable of, except that someone is standing here telling me that they did it . . . well, you can bet they're going to do it at someone else's house. And make it appear to our friends that Tierneys are totally fine with locking toddlers in closets, or attempting to eat lunch with our feet.

But, in THEORY, we do expect our kids to hold themselves to the standards of our family rules whether someone is there to make them, or not. And mostly, it's an effective technique. It really doesn't matter at this point if other family members or friends agree with or want to enforce our family rules, because it's what the kids are supposed to be doing on their own, anyway.

Now, I'm all for high expectations and starting discipline at a young age, but for my kids, two would have been too young to expect them to do a very good job of keeping our family rules on their own. Some things, like not getting food for yourself without permission, not going out the door alone, only drawing on paper . . . stuff like that, I do expect them to be able to handle. But not throwing toys if kids around them are throwing toys, or saying no thank you to snacks that are offered right before dinner, that's probably too much to ask of a toddler.

So, if you don't think you can convince the family to support you, I would focus on being really consistent with your rules at home, and calmly and repeatedly reminding your daughter that family rules are for all the time and everywhere and they are her responsibility to remember, even if mommy isn't watching. I would make a point of really noticing and praising her when she does follow family rules on her own. But, probably, you're going to end up having to let some things go for another couple of years. And it will be okay, she will still learn. She will still internalize YOUR family culture, because that's the one she's around most often.

Good luck!

Cheers,
Kendra

Other posts you might enjoy:
Creating a Family CultureHow to Love Your Kids and Like Them Too  Mailbag Disclaimer: I am not a theologian, nor am I an official spokesperson for the Catholic Church. (You're thinking of this guy.) If you read anything on this blog that is contrary to Church teaching, please consider it my error (and let me know!). I'm not a doctor or an expert on anything in particular. I'm just one person with a lot of experience parenting little kids and a desire to share my joy in marriage, mothering, and my faith.
If you've got a question, please send it along to catholicallyear @ gmail . com . Please let me know if you prefer that I change your name if I use your question on the blog.

The Secret to Teaching Kids to Read is . . .

The secret part is step number four, which involves understanding that not all kids start reading as early as you've been led to believe. But since there are five steps that I've followed to get my kids reading, I figure we should probably start with number one.



1. Read Aloud

Reading aloud is my favorite part of our day. Or maybe nap time. But reading aloud is a close second.

Picture books are easy enough to find the time for. Starting up a chapter book with a little kid can feel daunting. But it's totally worth it.

A couple years ago, I decided to really make reading chapter books aloud to my kids a priority each school day. And it's been great. All of my kids, from the toddler to the teenager, listen to the same book together. We have inside jokes, and shared experiences because of it. And, for the little ones, it sets the stage for learning to read.

I'm modeling for them that I think reading is important and enjoyable. I'm demonstrating for them how reading works, so when they get to the point of trying it for themselves, they'll have an understanding of how words flow when you're reading.

So far this school year, the newborn has made it difficult to consistently read a chapter a day. But I'm trying to make up for it with audio books.

2. Begin at the Beginning

Before they're ready to start reading, I like them to know their letter sounds. I've found the easiest way to do that has been by letting them watch the Leap Frog DVDs.

My kids really like them. I don't mind them. And they do a really great job of teaching the letter sounds, and the basic rules of reading, in song format. So, even years later, when one of my kids is having trouble with a word, I can sing, "when two vowels go walking, the first one does the talking" at him. Good times.

I cannot recommend THESE PARTICULAR Leap Frog movies enough:
LeapFrog: Letter Factory LeapFrog: Talking Words Factory LeapFrog: Word Caper LeapFrog: Learn to Read at the Storybook Factory
I'm not sure what's happened to the Leap Frog brand. There are a whole bunch of new Leap Frog shows available on Netflix, but not these original ones. I watched a few minutes of a few of them and was really disappointed. They don't have the useful songs, and the animation on a couple of them is downright creepy.

I'm sure there are other, more recent shows that also do a good job of introducing phonics. But these are the only ones I can personally vouch for.

Once my kids know the letter sounds and seem to be able to sit still for ten minutes and complete a task, we start actual lessons. That has happened for my kids between three and five. For lessons, we use this book:


Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons 
It says twenty minutes per day, but we do closer to ten, because I don't use the writing component of the program. I haven't found that reading readiness always coincides with writing readiness in my kids, so I prefer to teach those skills separately. After Hundred Easy Lessons, we move on to phonics readers, then easy readers from the library.

3. Be Consistent

My goal is to do reading and phonics consistently, usually four days per week. I also try to be consistent about the time of day that we do lessons. I find that there is less push-back from the less enthusiastic kiddos when they know when to expect lessons.

Then we just do them. There's no complaining allowed. We just do it and get it done.

I've had some kids LOVE these lessons, and some not love them quite as much. But they've all been amused by the silly little stories and illustrations. And the techniques of Hundred Easy Lessons has been really effective for all of my kids so far.



4. Be Patient

Here's the big secret: My Kid Will Read Well When He is Ready

My oldest daughter was able to ready easy chapter books by the end of Kindergarten. But the same has not been true of any of her brothers. My so-far-reading other kids have done Hundred Easy Lessons in Kindergarten, and moved on to easy readers after that. But three out of four couldn't read easy chapter books until the summer between second and third grade.

My older two sons are very strong readers now. The third one is coming right along. Somehow that rising third grader age, seems to be the sweet spot for us. That's when my boys start reading, regardless of what I do.

I was too hard on my oldest kids. I had this expectation that all kids learned to read in Kindergarten or first grade. But my experience with teaching five kids (so far) to read is that it just isn't true.

I've had some kids learn to read pretty early, some a lot later, and the odd thing is that as long as I'm consistent in steps 1-3, they seem to put it together themselves. And even when I'm NOT as consistent as I probably should be, they still seem to put it together themselves.




5. Read Aloud

It WASN'T all about me, after all. As long as I give them the tools, and read aloud to them and have them read aloud to me, from easy readers or whatever level book with which they're comfortable, they are able to make progress relatively painlessly.

Having them read to me lets me make sure they're not just skipping words if they're having trouble with them.

Sometimes we take turns reading pages of a picture book. Another trick is have them read aloud to younger siblings, which is enjoyable for the little kid, and great, stress-free practice for the big kid. But I often eavesdrop.

Then, once they do graduate to chapter books, I have plenty of good ones around the house, so they'll keep it up.

But the main thing I've learned is not to fret about the timeline. Some kids read early, some kids read late, but almost all kids WILL learn to read. As long as they have a solid foundation, it seems to come -- like a lot of things -- in its own time.

The Beauty of a W I D E Family

I've been sold for some time on the benefits of a big family: many hands with which to share the work, plenty of folks for games and conversation.

But, really, the benefits I appreciate most in my big family, are actually because it's also a wide family.

Having a baby when your eldest is one and a half or two is what you're "supposed" to do. It's also, um, super-duper hard.

Having a baby when your eldest is seven, or ten, or . . . a teenager, well, folks are going to look at you funny. But that's just because they don't know how awesome it is.

Having done both, I'm here to tell you that the former is good, but the latter is even better. It is awesome. For me. For the little kids. For the big kids. It's awesome all around . . .


1. Having a wide family is lovely for moms.

My older kids are able to be actually, no kidding helpful. Not the kind of "helping" that gets a third of the batter slopped over the side of the bowl by adorable enthusiastic little mixers. Not the kind of "helping" that actually kinda makes every task take twice as long and then have to get quietly redone by me once they lose interest.

No. No. No.

Being the mother of a wide family means I now get the kind of help that lets me stay in my glider nursing while dinner gets made by someone else.

Having older kids AND babies and toddlers means we can divide and conquer. At nap time, I get the baby, and the big kids can take care of story time for toddlers.

'Tweens and teens in the house means there's someone to watch the baby for me so I can bathe regularly. It means I can run errands without loading all the kids in the car. It means the husband and I can have a date night without hiring a babysitter.

Older kids mean I'm not overwhelmed and isolated like I was with my first couple of babies. Of course, I have more experience as a mother now, so that helps. But mostly, it's because of my older kids. We work together to keep the house running and the little ones looked after. We have each other for company.

So much of mothering with my first babies was just survival. I didn't have the luxury of being able to enjoy their babyhood. But, now, with a wide family, I really can. I have NEVER enjoyed my babies like I have these last two. I get to stare into their little eyes and sniff their little heads like I never have had the time to do before. With my first, I was too stressed out, and with all the babies in between I was just too busy. Having older kids and a baby means I have the experience AND the opportunity to relax and appreciate babies being babies.



2. Having a wide family is fun for little kids.

My little kids get blown off WAY less than my big kids did when they were little.

I make a point of doing stuff with them and for them, really I do. But there's only one of me. And I have a lot of obligations around the house and a limited tolerance for multiple readings of The Poky Little Puppy.

My big kids are willing and able to do all the things I can't, like get a cup of water for the toddler when I'm nursing a baby. Or won't, like figure out how to get the last piece of the train track to connect.

My little kids get love and attention from their mom and dad, but they also get nearly the same level of devotion from their oldest siblings. There are more people to admire their scribbles, and laugh at their not-quite-jokes, and pick them up if they skin a knee.



3. Having a wide family is good for big kids.

A little hero worship is a wonderful thing. And that's what my big kids get -- hero worshiped. Their much younger brothers and sisters look up to them in a unique and beautiful way.

Sure, they can occasionally be . . . pesky. But, mostly, my kids' frustrations with their siblings happen with kids within three or four years of one another. Beyond that, they just don't have that same rivalry. They're not in competition for the same toys, or for the same type of attention.

My thirteen year old son makes obstacle courses in the yard for his three year old brother. He swipes his dad's iPhone to record backyard dinner parties with his one and a half year old sister (no sticks).



Folks talk about what a blessing it is to be a grandparent. How you get all the fun and adoration of kids, but when it all gets to be too much, you can hand them back to their parents. My big kids have the same thing going.
My eleven year old daughter and her little group of girlfriends like to spend parties toting around their various baby brothers and sisters, grudgingly returning them to their mothers only as a last resort. They bounce them and pat them and show them off and shift their positions when they get fussy, just like old pros.

A friend told me that she heard a Kimberly Hahn talk in which she posited that many teen pregnancies might be avoided if more teen-aged girls had baby sisters to dote upon.

Tween and teen girls with babies at home get to experience just the right amount of that joy of caring for a baby, but also get a realistic picture of how much responsibility is required.



Betty was there for the births of both of her youngest sisters. She and Jack can change diapers and kiss boo boos. They can negotiate with hostile toddlers for the release of objects held hostage. If necessary, they can speak in that low, firm voice that lets toddlers know you mean it when you send them to sit in the corner.

Empathy, authority, compromise. These are life-skills many kids their age haven't had the opportunity to learn.

For my bold, demanding son, having much younger siblings has helped him grown in gentleness and compassion. For my quiet, nurturing daughter, having much younger siblings has helped her grow in confidence and responsibility.

And none of this is limited to families that are both big and wide. The husband grew up as one of three, six years older than his sister and ten years older than his brother. His almost paternal relationship with them as a teenager helped prepare him to be the awesome father he is to our kids. And, as they all became adults, they grew into a relationship of equals.

I just have one sister, who is three years younger than I am. So I never got to experience that, myself.  But it's been amazing for me, as a mother, to witness those relationships between my biggest and littlest children. It truly is a thing of beauty.

not all mine. there are a couple cousins in there.

You might also enjoy . . .
Are Older Siblings Overburdened by Responsibilities? Or Are They Empowered by Them?To Moms of Only Little Kids: psst, the magic number is tenBefore I Had a Seven Year Old 

Motivating Reluctant Helpers

Mailbag time! You're not going to believe this, but some kids are NOT super excited about doing chores. Here's what we do about it.
- question - 

Hi Kendra!

My question is this: I've recently begun having my four- and two-year old children set the table for dinner each night. At first, they thought it was great fun to help with a grown-up task, but my four-year-old son has begun showing some aversion. I have already put my foot down on him whining about it (or from running away to hide, which happened once or twice as well!). A few days ago, he simply said, "I don't want to set the table." My response was, "Well, you may not like it, but it's your job. I don't really want to cook dinner or wash the dishes, but I do it because it's my job."

I was reflecting on my response later, and I'm just not happy with it. I feel like instead of agreeing that doing chores are something to be dreaded, I should have spoken more positively - focusing on our duty to serve the family (and the joy that is possible to find there). But how can I explain this to young children?

Or perhaps I'm just over-thinking the whole thing, and what I should do is just start considering comments such as "I don't want to _______" as complaining, and give out appropriate consequences for them!

Thanks for any advice you might be able to offer,

Christine
(Splendor in the Home)

- answer -
Hey Christine,

Well it's certainly nothing new, just ask Moses. The whole book of Exodus is pretty much Moses listening to people grumble about stuff. And God has a little something special up his sleeve for complainers.

What you said is pretty much exactly how I respond in that situation. I do think we have a responsibility, like you mention, of trying to model joy in acts of service to our family. But our kids should also understand that I don't cook them dinner because it's the thing I'd most like to be doing at that moment, and Daddy doesn't drive off to work each morning because it's his favorite place to be. I want my kids to understand that we do those things as a result of a conscious decision to love God and the people around us by our actions, not just our words or our feelings.



I want my kids to understand that they are a burden, but one for which I am grateful. We are all made better by doing things for others even when we don't feel like it. Especially when we don't feel like it.

Sometimes I'll respond just as you did. But sometimes I'll add, "Well, when you do something you don't feel like doing, out of love for God or our family, you get another jewel in your crown in heaven" or, depending on how that particular kid is best motivated, "Well, it's better to do stuff you don't like here rather than in purgatory. Setting the table in purgatory is probably much more unpleasant." And then, of course, they want to know HOW it would be unpleasant, and I don't know for sure, but we can come up with some good guesses.

Anyway, some push back on chores is TOTALLY normal. You just have to be a little more stubborn than he is.

And there's a line somewhere. For younger kids, just learning to do chores, I'm okay with a little push back, with some feeling around to see if I really do mean it, and to understand why they have to. But at some point it does just become complaining and a waste of everyone's time. I STILL have to have this conversation with my thirteen year old every so often. He labors under the belief that if only I truly understood how much he disliked doing chores, I wouldn't make him do them.

But he's wrong. I know he doesn't like 'em. He still has to do 'em.



I changed my approach a bit after reading the book The Temperament God Gave You. It helped me understand how best to motivate different kids. The oldest, for instance, really isn't much motivated by the idea of being of service to his family, but he does like a challenge, and to be given responsibilities that other kids couldn't handle. So, whenever possible, I'll ask him to do unique chores that come up, like running an errand for me, or replacing batteries, or gluing something that's been broken.

It's not always possible, of course, the table DOES need setting, and even if it's beneath him sometimes he's the one who needs to do it.

Good luck!

Cheers,
Kendra

Some other posts you might enjoy:
Chores for Enthusiastic ToddlersCan't Buy Me Love? Not For Chores Anyway.Are Older Siblings Overburdened by Responsibilities? Or Are They Empowered by Them?  Mailbag Disclaimer: I am not a theologian, nor am I an official spokesperson for the Catholic Church. (You're thinking of this guy.) If you read anything on this blog that is contrary to Church teaching, please consider it my error (and let me know!). I'm not a doctor or an expert on anything in particular. I'm just one person with a lot of experience parenting little kids and a desire to share my joy in marriage, mothering, and my faith.
If you've got a question, please send it along to catholicallyear @ gmail . com . Please let me know if you prefer that I change your name if I use your question on the blog.
p.s. Would you believe I'm talking about complaining over at Blessed is She today as well? Click on over, read all about it.

Them's the Rules: Part I (7 Quick Takes)

Remember way back when I wrote that post on Living the Corporal and Spiritual Works of Mercy in the Home (with Frankie)? Well, it just happens to mention one of our Family Rules: Don't take your pants off without a plan. In the comments of that post, Annie asked if I would make it into a printable. Maybe . . . PROBABLY, she was joking. But I was thirty-nine weeks pregnant, so . . . I spent the entire next day making that rule and ALL of our house rules into printables. My nesting is kinda graphic design-y, I guess.

And I kind of really, really love them.

But I keep not being able to figure out what to do with them, blog-wise.

That ends today. Today, I'm just going to throw seven of them up here, and call it my quick takes.

And there are more where these came from. Many more. You'll just never know when I'm gonna drop 'em on ya.

1. What are YOU doing to help our family?

So, some of them aren't "rules" so much as "things I say all day long." Take this one for example. You're probably going to hear this if you are, say, standing leaning against the counter while other folks are doing the dishes, or laying on the couch staring at the ceiling for no particular reason.


2. No whinin,' no cryin,' no beggin,' for food, and you carry your own coat.

This is the rule that begat ALL the rules. My mother-in-law said this to her kids. And she says it to mine. And I say it to them too, if they ever have coats, which is almost never.

3. Cryin' Babies Go to Bed

You guys already know this one. It has a whole blog post.

4. Whistling is an Outside Activity

This one isn't the end of the world. But, we just find that the comfort of our home and the productivity of its occupants is increased by there not being ANY whistling inside the house. They can go outside and whistle all they please. I think it's okay to insist upon a certain level of volume inside.
5. Don't Rush Off to do a Job I Gave to Someone Else

Kids don't love getting assigned chores, right? Right. But, somehow, they DO love to rush off to do something I asked someone ELSE to do. Why? WHY? I don't know. But having this rule keeps my kids from pushing, tripping, and elbowing past one another in their rush to do someone else's job. They're such weirdos.
6. Sit in a Seat That Someone Isn't Sitting In

Another one that seems like it shouldn't be necessary, yes? But it really, really is. There are enough seats on our couch for everyone to sit and watch a movie. There are enough chairs at our table for everyone to sit and eat dinner. But nothing looks better than a seat momentarily vacated by a sibling going to grab a drink. And maybe you've been bickering with that particular sibling all day, but NOW if you don't get to sit next to him by squeezing into a spot that means you're mostly sitting on top of your sister, you'll JUST DIE. But then . . . so much unhappiness. So we have this rule.
7. Don't Take Your Pants Off Without a Plan

And here it is . . . the rule that launched a couple dozen printables.

I think it's good advice for kids and grownups alike, ya know?

We were getting a lot of: 1. Take pants off. 2. Realize you don't have any pajamas in your drawer. 3. Kinda pull shirt down, come out to the living room where we have company over to alert mom to the pajama situation.

But NOW, we have a rule.

Acceptable plans around here include: "1. Take off pants. 2. Get in bathtub," "1. Take off pants. 2. Put on pajamas (that are RIGHT THERE)," and "1. Take off pants. 2. Use as floatation device." But that last one only works if you happen to be wearing sailor pants.
As with all my printables, you are welcome to save the images to your computer for your own personal use. You may print the images and / or upload them and have prints made for your personal use or to give as gifts. (These are sized for 8x10 or square but will print well much bigger.) First click on the image to bring it up in a new window, then right click on the image to save it to your computer. You may use my images on your blog, just please link back to my blog. If you would like to sell my images, please contact me first.

  For LOTS MORE free printable prayers, check out my Pinterest board.

 Wait, don't click up there. Click here. Or over there on the sidebar.
I love making printables! I get lots of requests from you good folks for specific prayers, but I thought I'd make things official, and offer them for sale. For the low, low introductory price of only $10, I will create a printable digital image, just for you. Have a favorite prayer, quote, poem, or house rule that you'd like to be able to print out and stick on the fridge, or have professionally printed and framed for posterity? I've got you covered.

All YOU have to do is click through up there, or over on the sidebar, to make your payment, and email me at catholicallyear {at} gmail {dot} com with the exact text, along with (if you'd like) your preferred colors. You can also check out the Pinterest board, and tell me which style you like best. You'll have it in your inbox within a few days.

AND . . . the winner of the back to school giveaway of a copy of

Gifts From Our Father is . . . The Nem's. Please email me at catholicallyear@gmail.com to claim your prize by Monday. Congratulations!

For more quick takes, head over to Kelly's.

How NOT to Handle Bedwetting: Mystery Blogger

I'm terrible at taking blog breaks, or relaxing in general. But just in case I do happen to feel like relaxing with this new baby when the time comes, I've asked some of my favorite bloggers to guest post for me. But not in the usual way.

Blogging is a great way to share insights and experiences. But, sometimes, as much as we'd like to start a discussion, it's not our story to share, or feelings could be hurt, or relationships damaged. So, for my guest posting series, I asked some of my favorite bloggers to share here, anonymously, posts they felt they couldn't put on their own blogs.

I hope you'll find them as compelling as I have.

-Kendra 



Not one of my children has night trained easily or early. They have all worn pull-ups well into elementary school, and some into middle school. I feel like it's the dark secret of my parenting. But it shouldn't be, because it's not my fault. And I've come to realize that it's not their fault either. But it's not something you want to go around discussing on the internet. So, I'm glad to be able to talk about it here, as a mystery blogger.
After my oldest son had been successfully day potty trained for about six months, I was still waiting for him to start waking up with a dry pull-up from naps or overnight. And it just wasn't happening. Ever. A friend told me that she had forgotten to put her three year old son in a pull-up one night, and he just woke up dry. So she never put him in one again.

That didn't happen with MY three year old son. It didn't happen when he was five, or nine, either. He was nearly twelve before he could stay dry overnight. And it was never as simple as forgetting to put on a pull-up. After years and years of well-meaning (but in retrospect quite mistaken) efforts, we finally found a plan that worked to get him night-trained.

The same system worked on my middle son at nine, but has so far been unsuccessful with an eleven year old daughter and a seven year old son. I have confidence that it will work eventually, it just hasn't worked yet.

I'll tell you about it. But first, I'd like to share some things I learned that hard way . . .

1. It's not his fault.

Day potty training accidents for my kids are almost always preventable. He doesn't feel like getting up, or stopping what he's doing, or he thinks he can make it a few more minutes . . . and he has an accident. So most of those accidents can be avoided by vigilant mama reminders, and rewarding successes.

But night training is not the same. Bed wetting is NOT a result of laziness or poor planning. It is completely out of his control. Whether or not a kid wets the bed is a function of his physiology (bladder size, etc) and how deeply he sleeps.

It doesn't mean I'm a bad parent. It doesn't mean he's a lazy kid. Making him feel in any way guilty about it does not help. Allowing him (or me) to feel guilty about it isn't right either. He needs to understand that it's just a thing that's a particular struggle for him. It's not anything anyone is doing wrong. We just need to keep a positive attitude and sort it out as early as that's possible.

2. The standard advice doesn't work for everyone.

We tried all the standard stuff: limiting liquids, waking him up at night to go, just getting rid of pull-ups and hoping for the best, having him do his own laundry, pep-talks, stern talking-tos, big potential rewards. None of it had ANY effect at all on his nighttime wetting.

You can't be motivated out of behavior that isn't in your control.

Even if we woke him up to go he would wet again, later in the night (and waking him up enough to go was nearly impossible).

I'm sure that those tips work for some kids, or they wouldn't be so ubiquitous. But they definitely don't work for all kids. They definitely don't work for mine.

3. It takes time, but time's not necessarily enough.

When I finally talked to our pediatrician about it when my son was seven, he really encouraged me not to worry about it. He said that most kids who wet the bed will grow out of it on their own eventually, usually by around ten.

My son didn't have any physical problems, and we weren't interested in using medication except as a last resort.

So, we decided to just wait it out. But ten came and went, and it hadn't taken care of itself. My son really didn't want to miss out on being able to go to summer camp for yet another year.

It was at that point that our doctor recommended a book called Waking up Dry, that we could use in conjunction with a nighttime alarm(<< that's the one we've used previously, but I just ordered this one, to see if more expensive means louder and more able to wake up very sleepy sleepers).



And that did the trick, in the blink of . . . almost three months.

It's not an easy solution. It takes a lot of commitment and dedication from both kid and parents. It's disruptive to the sleep of kid, parents, and any siblings who don't sleep like rocks. But the book is really sweet and encouraging and scientific and empowering and the program was eventually completely successful. My son no longer has night wetting issues.

My daughter and second son both wanted to try as well, at nine and ten. The program was successful for my son in about two months, but a year later, my daughter is still having frequent wet nights, even when using the alarm. Our doctor doesn't believe she has health issues. Our plan going forward is to just keep at it, keep using the alarm and keep encouraging her and being understanding, and figure success will come eventually.

Our seven year old also wanted to try it, but it was SO impossible to wake him . . . by wet alarm, or alarm clock, or vigorous shaking by his parents, that we decided to hold off for a few months and try again.

So, one thing I have NOT learned through this process is a fail safe cure for bed wetting. But I HAVE learned to be more patient and understanding. And I have a plan that seems to work eventually. And that's going to have to be enough.


Me again . . . 
 Just in case, here's my DAY potty training method:
Potty Training in Three Days, Or Bust

Uniforms for Homeschool? Three reasons why we do.

If you are like many people who follow me on Facebook or Instagram, you are wondering what is up with my kids wearing uniforms for homeschool.


I know. I know. It seems somehow un-homeschoolish, doesn't it?

Maybe not wanting to stress about if you and your kids are dressed in the morning is the whole reason you started homeschooling in the first place.

But it really works well for our family. My kids have been wearing uniforms for homeschool ever since Betty, my second, started kindergarten six years ago.



Here are three reasons uniforms + homeschool works for us:

1. Less Laundry

My kids each have two complete uniforms. Most years we've done two different color polo shirts, but I found the uniform shirts in a two pack at Costco this year, so we're going with all red, all the time. Anyway, two complete uniforms, and they wear each one for two days. One Monday and Tuesday, the other Wednesday and Thursday, then play clothes for parkday on Friday.

We live in LA, so the boys wear shorts and shirtsleeves year round. The girls have sweaters, just in case.

What we use as our uniforms has varied over the years. This year it's Costco shirts and Target shorts for the boys. The girls' pieces I ended up getting from French Toast online. Other years I've ordered from Lands End. One year Betty and Anita wore home-sewn plaid dresses I made for them over the summer.

The kids don't change out of their uniforms after school unless they have sports practices. If they get dirty, I (or they) just spot clean them a bit.

Overall, it cuts down our total amount of laundry by about a third for the week. Yay.


2. Less Stress

I was a public school kid, and my mom, who had gone to Catholic school, always lamented that we didn't have uniforms, because it was such a pain getting clothes picked out in the morning.

I find that kids not having to worry about picking what to wear saves time in the morning. ESPECIALLY with younger kids. That's why even my preschoolers wear uniforms. (But not the baby.)

We have some trouble keeping track of sports uniforms, despite having a dedicated bin that they're all supposed to live in in the laundry room. But I think that's because the kids only wear them once a week, which gives them plenty of time to disappear on us. That hasn't been a problem with the school uniforms.

On Monday and Wednesday evenings, they fold what they're wearing and leave it neatly by the door of their rooms for the next day. (Or they leave it in a crumpled pile there, but still.) On Tuesdays and Thursdays, it goes into the dirty clothes bin.

In the morning, you just grab it and put it on. Plaid shorts if it's Monday, khaki shorts if it's Wednesday. Done.

Fewer choices = less drama.



3. More Cute

I'm a big believer that what I wear matters. It affects my confidence and productivity. I actually kind of doubt that the same is true of my kids. They don't seem to really notice what they're wearing. Certainly not the boys anyway.

But I enjoy tidy, schoolish-looking children. Them being in uniform makes our school seem more legit to them and to me. It reminds me what is my primary responsibility during the day. Mass is special, so we wear special clothes for it. School is special, too.
So we're going with plaid and polos, rather than various faded Star Wars t-shirts during school hours.

And c'mon, that is CUTE . . .


School starts for us . . . TODAY!

Let's introduce the cast of characters, and I've got a little giveaway for ya at the end.

Here is the enthusiastic student body of the Tierney Family School: 2015-2016.


Lulu, Transitional Toddlering


Frankie, Shut in the Backyard Preschool 


Anita, First Grade


Gus, Third Grade 


Bobby, Fifth Grade 


 Betty, Sixth Grade


And . . . NOT attending the Tierney Family Homeschool this year:

Jack, Eighth Grade at St. Monica Academy
He's leaving the nest! (But needs help with his tie.)



Mary Jane is six weeks old! 
She gets to wear whatever she wants.



You might also enjoy . . .

Why I Homeschool Like ThatHomeschooling: One Room Schoolhouse Meets Three Ring CircusWhy What I Wear MattersAnd . . . as a little back to school gift for y'all. The good folks at Catholic Word are going to give one lucky reader a copy of their very cute and very thorough new prayer book . . .

Gifts From Our Father is an illustrated Catholic prayer book that was created to help teach kids the richness of their faith while inspiring the adults in their lives to reconnect with their Catholic faith as well. The engaging illustrations are attractive for kids of all ages, while the prayers and lessons are accessible and suitable for all Catholics.

It covers prayers, traditions, pious practices, saints, the basics of the faith, and the liturgical year. It would be a great resource for any Catholic family, homeschooling or not. To win your very own copy, just leave a comment telling me your favorite prayer. I'll announce the winner ON THE BLOG on Friday.

Surviving the Terrible Twelves

I'm terrible at taking blog breaks, or relaxing in general. But just in case I do happen to feel like relaxing with this new baby when the time comes, I've asked some of my favorite bloggers to guest post for me. But not in the usual way.

Blogging is a great way to share insights and experiences. But, sometimes, as much as we'd like to start a discussion, it's not our story to share, or feelings could be hurt, or relationships damaged. So, for my guest posting series, I asked some of my favorite bloggers to share here, anonymously, posts they felt they couldn't put on their own blogs.

I hope you'll find them as compelling as I have.

-Kendra



I feel like I've gotten pretty good at the terrible twos and emotional threes, having gone through them quite a few times now. But, I gotta say, my first time through was NOT a great success. My oldest was an especially challenging toddler, and I took everything he did really personally, and reacted to him very emotionally.

You'd think maybe I could have anticipated the terrible twelves and emotional thirteens. But I was pretty much just as blindsided this time around. And I handled it just about as well.

Eight years ago, when I was first beginning my homeschooling journey, I got a lot of advice and heard a lot of stories of other people's experiences. Some of that was helpful, some was not as helpful. One anecdote in particular really stuck with me, just kind of simmering, but I didn't know what to do with it.

I wanted to ignore it, or figure it wouldn't apply to me . . . but it came from a woman I really admired. She told me that she had helped found an independent Catholic school that she could send her older kids to, primarily because she got to a point with her middle school aged sons where exerting the authority over them that was necessary for successful homeschooling wasn't worth the toll it took on their mother-son relationship.

I've read the blog posts, I know about always meaning what you say.

I figured we'd be fine.

And for quite a while, we were. My oldest has never been an EASY guy to teach, but I like a challenge. He's very bright, and confident to a fault, and has always been hard to motivate, especially for things he believes to be not worth his time. Each year, we'd have a crisis or two (or six) that would require dad's involvement to sort out. But we were mostly making it work. His academics were on track. And our personal relationship was solid.

Then, as he approached puberty, everything changed in subtle but profound ways. He's a good and responsible and fun and helpful kid, but it seemed like all of a sudden, he had this biological need to not be bossed around all day by his mother anymore.

Getting him through a school day became increasingly difficult, and required more and more pushing from me, resulting in more and more push back from him. That meant I had less time for my other students, and less patience for everyone.

In the moment, again, I was taking it personally, and reacting emotionally.

But the more I thought about it, the more his behavior made sense . . . this wasn't just simple laziness or rebellion, this was him trying to become a young man.

For most of human history, children were under the supervision of their mothers and the other womenfolk until ten or twelve. But then, the boys would get to leave the domain of women and assist their fathers with work on the farm, or be apprenticed to a blacksmith, or shipped off as a cabin boy, or accepted into a school of witchcraft and wizardry. But wherever they went, it meant they weren't spending all day long being dominated by their moms. My son just couldn't handle it. And I wasn't sure our relationship could handle it either.

Last year we tried doing online classes, in the hopes that some outside authority figures would help. But . . . it's still homeschooling, and homeschooling online teachers are pretty chill. So, the buck still stopped with me. And it was hard to leave that baggage behind and just be mother and son at the end of the day. The negatives of homeschooling felt like they were outweighing the positives.

So, just for my oldest, we have decided to make the jump into "real school." We are moving to a different part of town so that he can start eighth grade at the school my friend helped found fourteen years ago. I'm sure packing up and moving house and enrolling in private school isn't the only solution to this issue (and that it just isn't an option for all families).

If my son were a differently motivated kind of guy, I think a very student-led approach to homeschooling could be a success at this age. But I don't think it would be a success for him. Tutors, or a co-op, or more involvement from dad could have helped I'm sure. But this has seemed like it will be the best solution for OUR family.

We have always taken homeschooling one year at a time. And we figured traditional school was always a possibility for our older kids. I'm more of a lifestyle homeschooler than an ideological one, anyway.

And I'll still have plenty of students at home. We plan to evaluate them individually, when the time comes, and with their input, to determine when and if they'll make the same transition. Maybe some of them will homeschool through high school. We'll have to wait and see.

Now I just need to figure out how to be a regular school mom and a homeschool mom and a mom . . . all at the same time. It's possible that there might be other teenage-y things that come up.

And we have to pack up and move.


Wish me luck.

Kids Cook for Themselves: Crock Pot Pulled Chicken Burritos

Here's another of our go-to recipes. From scratch, real food, but quick and easy enough to be managed by busy moms, or even kids . . . all on their own.


Jack (13) is a pretty accomplished cook these days. His preference is to grill out <imagine quip about men and fire here> but: Put chicken/brats/burgers on grill. Cook until done. Didn't seem like much of a recipe post. So, he agreed to share with us his Aunt Jeanne's Crock Pot Pulled Chicken Burrito recipe.

Here goes . . .

Hey everybody. These burritos are really great. We serve them at parties because they seem pretty complicated. But they're actually really easy. You just throw a bunch of stuff in the crock pot and in four hours you have pulled chicken.

What stuff, exactly?

This stuff:


Ingredients (exact amounts aren't important, just fill up your crock pot) . . .
Fresh or frozen chicken breasts (no need to defrost if they're frozen)Diced tomatoes fresh or cannedOnionsSweet peppersChili powder or taco seasoning packetFresh or dried herbsFresh or powdered garlicSlice the onions and peppers.



Plug in the crock pot. Turn it to high. Dump all the stuff in it.

First the chicken:


Then the tomatoes (with juice). And my mom says I should tell you that this can opener is the best can opener because even little kids can use it. It's supposed to be for old ladies to be able to use, which I guess means it's also good for six year olds. I don't have really strong feelings about it, myself. It's a can opener. It opens cans.



Then put the seasonings and garlic on top of the chicken, and the peppers and onions on top of that, and the herbs on top of that.





Leave it to cook on high for about four hours, until the chicken is cooked through and it's all juicy in there. Make sure the chicken is cooked all the way through. Then turn the crock pot off and let it cool down a bit. Then use two forks to shred the chicken.



Serve it right out of the crock pot with tongs, along with tortillas, rice, beans, cheese, salsa, and whatever other toppings you like.



My mom also wants me to tell you to make extra because you can use the leftovers to put in layers in a casserole dish and freeze it. It's what she usually brings over to moms in our homeschool group who just had a baby. You just have to bring the one pan and a package of tortillas and salad and cookies (always bring cookies) and they can heat it up in the oven and spoon it into the tortillas for instant burritos. Terrific.


Hope you like it.





For more Kids Cook for Themselves, check out . . .

KIDS COOK FOR THEMSELVES: A UNIVERSAL SMOOTHIE RECIPEKIDS COOK FOR THEMSELVES: EASY CHICKEN PARMESANTop Secret Ten Minute Ice Cream Cake: Kids Cook for ThemselvesKids Cook for Themselves: Friday Frittata