Kendra Tierney's Blog, page 10

Seven Quick Takes of Chatting and Catching Up

Let's be random and rambling today, shall we?

1. My drafts folder is empty. I wrote and scheduled about two months' worth of posts before I had Mary Jane. Then, since she was born, I've been writing about one new post per week, to mix in here and there, and that's gotten us here, to twelve weeks. And now . . . I've got four great ideas for posts and nine that would be fine and a baby who is completely unputdownable (we're going to pretend that's a word) so who knows if they'll get written.

But really, it's hard to be TOO bad at her, I mean . . . behold the chub:


So, bear with me? Many kind and generous authors and artists have shared their work with me in the hopes that I will share it with you. So, if, IF, I can get them written up, I have a pretty great backlog of giveaways that I might just try to do all next week.

2. So, if I haven't been writing blog posts, what have I been doing?

There's been bouncing up and down with a baby in an Ergo while doing schoolwork with the kids.

There's been bouncing up and down with a baby in an Ergo while augering a toilet.

And there's been quite a lot of bouncing up and down with a baby in an Ergo while watching Netflix.

I watched Gotham, which I enjoyed a lot more than I thought I would. A superhero show on Fox starring the wrong side of the tracks kid from The OC doesn't sound super promising. But I do like superhero shows, so I figured I'd try it. And . . . the writing is really smart, the acting is really good, the subtle reveal of all the bad guys is really cool, the hero is heroic, the kid can act, basically, I liked it a lot.


And now I'm watching iZombie, which features King Arthur and Dr. Frankenstein as zombies. I'm only a few episodes in, but it's very, very cute in a cheeky, wink-wink, aren't we being cute kind of way. I don't like the zombies being good guys thing. It's really important to me that zombies be allowed to be mindless bad guys that we can all agree must be killed. They have Twilighted these zombies. Officially, I am against that. But. It's a cute show and I'm going to keep watching it while bouncing up and down with a baby in an Ergo.


p.s. Neither show is Catholic. Gotham features cohabitation and a same sex relationship. Also lots of thieving and murdering. iZombie has some innuendo jokes. But neither has nudity, and both are much less violent and gory than Daredevil or The Walking Dead .

3. The other thing I've been done while bouncing up and down with a baby in an Ergo learn to cross stitch. I can kind of do it between bounces.


Betty has been learning too, and we've really loved it. Nancy from Do Small Things sent us a couple of her new patterns to try out. For me cross stitch is this weird combination of mystery because you can't see what you're doing until it's almost done, and frustration because counting is HARD and I have done every stitch about three times, and gratification because it comes together SO quickly. And they are SO STINKIN' CUTE!


If you’d like this entire bundle of 40 Catholic Saints in Cross Stitch for your family you can get it HERE. She is selling it for $3 through the end of the month, so get it now!

4. The house. You guys, the house.

It is not ours. Everything was finally settled last Friday, and all we had to do was sign all the paperwork. Then on Wednesday, a new crazy unexpected thing happened, crazier even than all the crazy unexpected things that have already happened. And now it's looking a lot less likely that we'll end up with it.

Which is fine. No one deserves to live in a hundred year old tumbledown mansion, least of all me. But it really looked like I might get to anyway. And I gotta say, I'm going to be very sad if it all falls apart like this.
Please say a quick prayer for us, if you would, that we would get the house . . . or be okay with not getting the house.

5. The big boys went camping with the Boy Scouts last weekend in the sequoias, which sounds like it was pretty amazing. It's a good group of fellas.


Gus was sad to not be old enough to go along. But glad that with his older brothers gone he got to do the good stuff like carry the crucifix in the procession and hold the giant book with his face.



6. Those of us in the family without real jobs or real school to worry about are down in San Diego for a couple of days to take advantage of the kids free in October promotion at the San Diego Zoo Safari Park.

So, prepare for a photo dump . . .


















7. Oh, and I opened.


Check it out, or whatever, if you want, .

It's a work in progress, more will be added, but I wanted to share it with you now!

I also started an Ingagram account for the shop. I'll be sharing printables available from the shop, plus saint of the day quotes over there. So follow along if that's your cup of tea.

Each digital download in stock in the shop is only $5. Custom images are $10 through the end on the month. They'll be $15 in November.

To celebrate the shop's opening, and by popular demand in the comments of Tuesday's post, I give you (absolutely free), this . . .


As with all my printables, you are welcome to save the images to your computer for your own personal use. You may print the images and / or upload them and have prints made for your personal use or to give as gifts. First click on the image to bring it up in a new window, then right click on the image to save it to your computer. You may use my images on your blog, just please link back to my blog. If you would like to sell my images, please contact me first.

For LOTS MORE free printable prayers, check out my Pinterest board.

And for some old favorites, and many all new prayers, quotes, scripture, and catechism, available as high quality digital downloads, !

For more seven quick takes, go see Kelly.
And that's my honest opinion. But this is a sponsored post.

Kids Cook for Themselves: Bean Tavy

Gus has been very anxious to be included in the Kids Cook for Themselves series, and prove that HE, too, can cook dinner for the family all on his own. But . . . he's seven. And while charm and confidence will get you quite far in life, they don't necessarily help much in the kitchen. So, usually he gets stuck microwaving leftovers. But we do have one recipe in our normal rotation that he CAN do, (almost) all on his own . . . Bean Tavy.*


The nice thing about this recipe is that it ends up a tasty all-natural meal, but the ingredients are non-perishables. I always keep the fixin's for this in the pantry in case of unexpected guests or for those days I realize that it's 5:15pm and I don't know what we're having for dinner. It really couldn't be easier, but I think it turns out pretty great.

Gus is very excited to share it with you. Here goes . . . 

Today I'm telling you how to make Bean Tavy which is kind of like soup, or a little like chili with no meat. But I guess you could put meat in it if you want. It's a free country.

You need this stuff:


It's cans of beans and hominy, which is like exploded corn, and tomatoes. We use the big cans because there are a lot of us. But small cans work too. And you need a crock pot or a pot on the stove to heat it up. And a can opener.


Open the cans of beans and hominy and dump them into the colander (in the sink otherwise it makes a BIG mess).


Rinse them in water. If you don't it tastes very, very salty.


Then dump them in the pot.


Same with the tomatoes, but don't drain those. Just open them and put them in the pot.


Then add the spices.

Note from Mom: you can use a taco seasoning packet, or substitute 2 Tbsp of bulk chili powder instead. When I use the big cans (like we did this time), I double that amount. Same with the dressing. I use either a ranch dressing packet or substitute about 1/4 cup of regular ranch dressing, doubled if I'm using the big cans.

I also like to add 2-4 tsp fresh garlic and 1-2 Tbsp fresh chopped herbs if I've got them, but it's not necessary.




Mix it all up. Then, add enough water to cover the beans. (1-2 cups)


Set the crockpot to warm it up, it takes about an hour. Or heat it on the stove, that's faster.


Cook noodles or rice, and serve it over a scoop of that.


You can put grated cheese and hot sauce on top if you want.


We have to have salad, too.



That's it. Hope you like it!
*I first saw this recipe in one of those parish fundraiser cookbooks at my grandmother's house in Memphis. I think they called it "Six Can Soup." But ever since we saw this photo from the 1996 Army Navy Football Game, we've been calling it: Bean Tavy.


Go Tavy! Bean Army! ;0)



For more Kids Cook for Themselves, check out . . .

KIDS COOK FOR THEMSELVES: A UNIVERSAL SMOOTHIE RECIPEKIDS COOK FOR THEMSELVES: EASY CHICKEN PARMESANTop Secret Ten Minute Ice Cream Cake: Kids Cook for ThemselvesKids Cook for Themselves: Friday Frittata Kids Cook for Themselves: Crock Pot Pulled Chicken Burritos

How to Get Your Kid to Stop Doing That

Mailbag questions sometimes come in waves around here, and recently I've gotten a slew of them on the same topic: How to get your kid to stop a certain entrenched behavior. Hitting, fighting, throwing tantrums, refusing to go to school in the morning, and screaming . . . MANY of you are wondering about screaming, especially in the car.

It's maddening, I know. Your buttons are being pushed. It seems impossible to manage because of how emotionally charged the situation already is. And if you're in the car, what are you supposed to do? Stop the car and have it out every time? Get ear plugs and just hope he'll grow out of it?

Well, I do have some ideas for you, that have worked for us.

It's basically behavior modification, right? Your kid has a habit, a way he's become used to reacting in a particular situation. In the moment, it's not really a mindful thing he's doing. He just does it. He's mad, so he hits. She's worried, so she throws a fit. They're happy or sad or angry or excited or hungry or Tuesday so they scream and scream and SCREAM.

The details will vary significantly depending on the age of the child, but my basic technique is:

1. I call attention to the behavior (privately if possible) and explain why it's not appropriate.
2. I give them a warning and let them know what the consequence will be if they do it again.
3. I follow through with my threat if necessary. 

So, to a screaming one and a half year old, I'd say: "No, no screaming. Please use words or ask for help. If you scream again you will go sit in your crib." 

Then EVERY TIME she screams, I follow through and put her in her crib. After all, Cryin' Babies Go to Bed.

To a sassy middle schooler year old, I'd say: "That tone of voice is rude and it's not an acceptable way to speak to your mother. If you speak to me in that tone again, you'll have to go sit in your room/write an essay on the 4th commandment/scrub out the trash cans/etc."

Standard Always Mean What You Say-type stuff. Age appropriate expectations, consistent application of consequences. Calm but firm. It works really well.

Except when it doesn't. What if you didn't start always meaning what you say until kinda recently and the kids aren't quite sold on it? What if you've tried giving them consequences but it seems like it's still happening all the time? Or the whole problem is that they're not complying with punishments! What then?

Then, it's time to pull out the big guns. Or, rather, the bean jars.



We have had a lot of success with our Lenten Bean Jar and Straw for Baby Jesus during Advent. It's a huge motivator for my kids. It's a set time period, so they don't get bored with it or forget about it.

I've had success using the same technique to change a particular habit over a set period of time in a particular kid, or in all of them at once.

They key aspects are:

1.  To really call attention to the particular habit (or habits) you are trying to break, use the bean jar for those behaviors ONLY. Kids being kids, they'll do other things wrong (and right), but the bean jar is just for that habit.
2. Start by taking away beans for bad behavior. Eventually switch over to rewarding beans for good behavior.
3. Keep the bean jar system in use for a finite amount of time.

Here are a few individual situations, from the mailbag.

How to get your kid to stop . . . hitting and screaming and refusing punishments.

Question:

My three year old's very first reaction to something he doesn't like or to something that makes him upset is to hit. Like, a millisecond after I tell him no, he is hitting. I have tried just calmly taking him to his room and telling him he can come out when he is ready to apologize and be gentle, but more often than not he runs out right away, before he is calm. Basically, unlike with my 1 year old there is nowhere I can put him where he will actually stay long enough to calm down. He also screams at the top of his lungs when he is angry, and nothing will stop him. Not crying, just screaming. We are always talking to him about gentle hands, being kind and using our words, and not hitting, or screaming, but I don't know what to do to actually get rid of this behavior. He is a very sweet boy, super loving...but I can't be a punching bag for when he's mad.

Answer:

I was JUST talking about this with some friends today. Everyone warns you about two year olds, but it's THREE year olds that are hardest for me. Two year olds are just looking for boundaries. You give them the boundaries, everything is cool. But three year olds are ALL super emotional. Which is hard. And it sounds like your little guy has particularly wild emotions. And that's harder.

But since your issue is behavioral AND emotional, it's not enough to just wait it out until he's four or five.

I really recommend a book called How to Really Love your Angry Child. It looks like it's out of print and therefore expensive. I'd still try to find it, maybe used, maybe at the library? I would send you my copy, but I must have lent it out to someone else, because it's not on my shelf. It's a great resource for understanding how things escalate with this kind of kid. (I have two of this kind of kid.)

But, practically, you need to get him to believe that you mean what you say, without it escalating too badly. I would try sitting him down at a time when he is calm and saying: We are going to work on three things, 1. not hitting, 2. not screaming, 3. staying in your room when mommy sends you to your room.

To modify his behavior, I would try a bean jar system. I'd start with a number of beans in a jar that's a little less than the number of times he hits/screams/runs for it each day. So, ten, twenty, whatever. Then, each time he does one of those three behaviors, a bean goes from the good jar to the naughty jar. He should see you calmly move the bean over, ONLY for these three infractions, not other misbehaviors not on the list. You tie an immediate, daily reward to the jar system. If there is ONE bean left at the end of the day he gets dessert or an hour of screen time or whatever would motivate him. If no beans are left, he doesn't get the reward. Either way, after whenever the prize would be given, (in the afternoon for screens, or after dinner for a treat, or whatever you choose) all the beans go back in the good jar and it starts over for the next day. Each time he gets the reward, I would put one less bean back in the good jar. Then, ideally, you'll get down to maybe only two or three beans.

THEN, I'd try to figure out how to switch it from bad behavior moving the beans, to good behavior moving the beans. And HE gets to be the one to move them. Maybe something like every hour that he doesn't break one of the three rules, he gets to put a bean in the good jar, and once he fills up the jar there's a big reward, like going to the movies or Chuck E Cheese or getting a new toy he wants. Then, ideally, the bad habits are broken and he's more in control of his emotions, and the bean system can be retired.

I hope it would work. We've had a lot of success short term with the bean jar. It's really motivational for my kids.

How to get your kids to stop . . . fighting at mealtimes.

Question:

We decided when our oldest child was 2, that family meals were a big deal in our family culture. It's the only meal of the day that our entire family shares and we enjoy talking about our days and catching up. We explained the rules, we've applied them consistently, older kids modeled good behavior, and behavior expectations are age appropriate. Basically, everyone has to sit, everyone gets a chance to share, you may choose to eat or not but you must drink you milk and sit quietly. 
I'm not entirely sure what happened, but this summer things have completely spiraled out of control. My husband and I spend the entire dinner telling children to get back in their chairs, sit on their bottoms, stop kicking people, stop shouting, stop fighting etc. I tried sending them to eat by themselves in the kitchen as a punishment, but we ended up with enough kids in there that is was more of a party. We sent kids to their rooms and to bed. We even tried having a family meeting on the topic. Of late, dinner has devolved into a shouting grudge match that makes us all sad.

Answer:

Ugh. That sounds really frustrating. And you've already tried all my go to stuff!

First, I'd say that for us, family meals are always a work in progress. There are always going to be set backs and frustrations. There will be bickering over seats, and spilled milk, and elbows on the table. No matter how much we try to prevent it. And we try REALLY hard. But, it's important enough to us and to our family culture that we're willing to keep at it. We're willing to endure the frustrations because there are also joys: family togetherness, conversation, shared jokes, a general understanding of table manners, etc.

I've never yet been able to find the concoction of rules that makes dinnertime perfect, it's just still worth doing even if it's not perfect.

But it sounds like your dinners have devolved to the point where they're not liveable.

Since you've already tried stuff that usually works well in these situations, like removing kids from the table, sending them to bed, and having a family meeting . . . we're down to the bottom of my bag of tricks, which is always: the bean jar. It's what we do during Lent (and in Advent with straw for baby Jesus). My kids find it very motivational, and I think it works well over a short period of time to snap kids out of particular bad habits by bringing attention to them.

I'd make a list in writing of rules and expectations for family dinner behavior, and put it in the middle of the table along with two jars, one empty, and one with thirty (or whatever the correct number would be) beans, or buttons, or nails, or paper clips or whatever. I'd say that for the next two weeks, or month (or whatever period of time you think is best) we're going to work on table manners, and pleasant family dinners. Transgressions against the list means you move a bean to the other jar. At the end of dinner, you count up the good beans left. For the first three days, 15 beans left gets the whole family a reward, like dessert or screentime or family game night. Each three days after that five more beans are required to get the reward, until you get up to 25. I wouldn't expect perfection.

You can customize it, of course, starting with more or fewer beans, allowing good behaviors to move beans back to the starting jar, etc.

Having a family goal, and a reward to work towards, just for a set amount of time hopefully will help. Then, ideally, long term, you can get back to pleasant family dinners without a crutch or rewards.

Follow-up Question:

I just wanted to check in and let you know the bean jar is going great! We've had dessert 3 nights this week- including last night when I decreased the number of beans allowed.

Any tips for how long we should continue with the beans and/or how to move away from using them?

Thanks again, I can't tell you how this small gesture has improved the atmosphere of our meals and the rest of the evening.

Follow-up Answer:

I'm so glad to hear it!

I would probably pick an upcoming feast day and have a little family party that day, and be done with the bean jar. I'd also announce that any slipping back into old habits will be rewarded with opportunities to write essays, or copy lines out of an inspirational book. I like this one: George Washington's Rules of Civility & Decent Behavior in Company and Conversation
How to get your kid to stop . . . screaming in the car.

Question:

How would you handle a three year old who screams in the car, all the time? I've tried stopping the car and telling her we can't go until she stops, but then she just does it again later.

Answer:

That's tough. Tough because she's three, which is very emotional and screamy to begin with, and because you're stuck in the car and disciplining is hard in the car. I might try a behavior modification system, like the bean jar we do during Lent. But JUST for screaming in the car. I'd explain that screaming in the car is not allowed, and we are going to really focus on remembering not to scream in the car. So I'd have one jar with beans in it (or beads or whatever) about one bean per screaming incident per day, and one empty jar. Then every time she screams in the car, you move one bean from the good jar to the naughty jar. Calmly, making she she can see it. But not crashing the car.

Maybe you could make a ribbon to stretch between the seats or the sun visors or something, so you could slide a bead from the good side to the naughty side? And not be fumbling with jars? 
Say she usually screams five times a day, if all five beads get moved, then she doesn’t get a reward at the end of the day. But if there’s even one bead left, she gets dessert after dinner, or screen time, or a single m&m, or whatever is going to be motivational.
If that’s working, after a week or two, you move to a positive reward system, where every time you have a car ride where she does NOT scream, SHE gets to move a bead over, then once MANY beads are moved over (twenty or thirty or fifty) she gets a BIG reward, like a trip to the movies or a toys she wants. THEN, hopefully you can be done with it, and can get away with just verbal reminders. 
How to get your kid to stop . . . refusing homeschool.

Question:

We have started the homeschooling year and lets just say that it looks different than I expected and I have been forced to adjust my expectations to meet my five year old where he is at. Its going okay, but he is SO stubborn. He seems lazy and unmotivated (I am hoping it's just perception!) and really only wants to play and go out and do things (like museums, parks, beach, etc.) or watch a show/video games. He wakes up wanting to know what we are doing today and wants to know the plan for the next day. It can be exhausting. Our school time is very short and I don't think it is too much to ask for him to be able to sit and do 15-20 minutes worth of work before he can do something "fun". Have you ever had a kid that has to be incentivized at every turn? If I want him to sit and listen to me read/practice handwriting/numbers he needs to have the "carrot dangling in front of him" so to speak…. Is this normal to be so externally motivated? Is it okay to have rewards for everything? Its so frustrating!

Answer:

Oh yes, I have experience with it! I have a kid who always wanting to know what's in it for him before he'll do anything. Part of me thinks, "Well, humans mostly require external motivation to do things they don't want to do. My husband wouldn't go to work if they didn't pay him to do it." But on the other hand, "Good gracious, child! I don't have to reward you for every little thing. Your REWARD is not being an idiot. You're welcome."

The thing that ended up working well for us was having very clear expectations. Eventually we got to the point where I had exact rules for daily school expectations printed out, framed, and sitting on his desk in front of him. (I called it The System.) I also had our weekly calendar out, in writing on the kitchen counter. That way, he was less inclined to feel that things were unfair, or to come up with things he wanted to do, then be furious when it turned out that was never a possibility.

If he met his expectations for the day, AND we didn't have other family obligations, I did reward him with screen time. It was something he could count on, if he held up his end of the bargain, and it gave me a daily something with which to threaten him. And I required, not JUST that the work be accomplished, but that it be accomplished with a good attitude.

So, 1. clear, age-appropriate expectations for his behavior and what he needs to get done. 2. access to the weekly schedule and an understanding of when he'll have to/get to do what (with the understanding that sometimes plans change). 3. consistent rewards that he can earn by accomplishment AND attitude.

I would think that 30-45 minutes or so of direct instruction per day, plus a little activity or project is the most most boys can handle. I would probably offer 30 minutes of screen time for a GOOD 45 minutes to a hour of school work. If you need something tangible, you could do a bean jar system, where he's got 30 beans in there for 30 minutes of screen time and any infraction against The System gets one bean moved to the naughty jar. When school's done, however many beans are left in the good jar, that's how many minutes of screen time he gets that day.


Sooo . . . many different issues, one potential solution: The Bean Jar. I hope it works for you!



Disclaimer: I am not a theologian, nor am I an official spokesperson for the Catholic Church. (You're thinking of this guy.) If you read anything on this blog that is contrary to Church teaching, please consider it my error (and let me know!). I'm not a doctor or an expert on anything in particular. I'm just one person with a lot of experience parenting little kids and a desire to share my joy in marriage, mothering, and my faith.

If you've got a question, please send it along to catholicallyear @ gmail . com . Please let me know if you prefer that I change your name if I use your question on the blog.

Twofer Costumes for Halloween and All Saints 2015 Edition

It's October! Which means I want to wear sweaters and drink hot chai lattes . . . but it's still 90 degrees in LA. Oh, AND I need to figure out what we're doing for costumes. Since my kids like to dress up for Halloween and our homeschool group also hosts an All Saints Day Pageant, we need costumes for both. But there is no way I'm doing two complete costumes for all these kids.

Enter the TWOFER costume. One costume that works for both Halloween and All Saints Day, with just a few tweaks.

The kids have decided on what they want to be for this year, so we are hard at work on the following costumes. I'll put the Amazon link under the photos, in case you're playing along at home . . .

 1. Betty: St. Catherine of Alexandria / Cleopatra

From the You Really Think the Church Doesn't Respect Women? file: St. Catherine of Alexandria was both a princess and a noted scholar, who became a Christian around the age of fourteen, and converted hundreds of people to Christianity. She was martyred around the age of 18. Over 1,100 years following her martyrdom, St. Joan of Arc identified Catherine as one of the Saints who appeared to her and counseled her.
Info on St. Catherine (we're going to need a wheel)Egyptian Princess Costume
2. Bobby: St. Benedict / Death Eater

Bobby's middle name is Benedict, after Pope Benedict XVIII, and St. Benedict of Norcia, who founded twelve communities for monks. His Rule became one of the most influential religious rules in Western Christendom. For this reason, Benedict is often called the founder of western monasticism.
  Death Eater Costume Beard (for St. Benedict, and we'll also need a staff, and maybe a book of rules)
3. Anita: St. Lucy / Princess Leia

I'm figuring Anita isn't the only girl who wanted to go Star Wars for Halloween this year. We thought St. Lucy would be a good saint, since girls on St. Lucy's Day usually dress in an all white dress with a red sash.
St. Lucy was born of rich and noble parents about the year 283. Her father was of Roman origin, but died when she was five years old. Like many of the early martyrs, Lucy had consecrated her virginity to God, and she hoped to distribute her dowry to the poor. Lucy was denounced as a Christian, and depending on which version of the story you hear, either had her eyes gouged out as torture, or gouged them out herself in order to discourage a persistent suitor who admired them. When her body was prepared for burial in the family mausoleum it was discovered that her eyes had been miraculously restored.

More on St. Lucy (we'll add a red sash, a palm frond as a symbol of her martyrdom, and of course, a dish with her eyeballs on it)Princess Leia Costume
4. Lulu: St. Catherina of Siena / Yoda

Sticking with the Star Wars theme, Lulu is going to wear a Yoda costume generously donated to us by a reader after last Halloween. I figure, without the ears, it will make a great St. Catherina of Siena.
St Catherine helped restore the papacy to Rome, and is a Doctor of the Church. We saw her whole foot in a reliquary in a church in Rome. It was really somethin.'More on St. Catherine (we'll add a cross and a crown of thorns)Yoda Costume
Alternate for boys: St. Bruno / Yoda

5. Gus: St. Peter, Crucified / Upside Down Guy

I saw this Upside Down Guy costume and just knew it would be a perfect St. Peter Crucified costume. Jack is usually the one who's done the crazy costumes. But this year he's at real school, and the middle schoolers don't dress up! So, Gus has stepped up to be the crazy costume guy in the family.

Peter was one of twelve apostles chosen by Jesus from his first disciples. Originally a fisherman, he played a leadership role and was with Jesus during events witnessed by only a few apostles, such as the Transfiguration.According to Christian tradition, Peter was crucified in Rome under Emperor Nero Augustus Caesar. It is traditionally held that he was crucified upside down at his own request, since he saw himself unworthy to be crucified in the same way as Jesus.

More on St. Peter (we'll add a lightweight cross of some sort) h/t to Emily at Hines Home for the Upside Down Guy costume idea.
6. Frankie: St. Elmo / Barrel of Monkeys

Frankie wanted to be St. Elmo, then was pretty disappointed at how NON red-and-furry St. Elmo (aka Saint Erasmus of Formia) turned out to be. But the GOOD news is that he was once put in a barrel of spikes and rolled down a hill. (Totally not the grossest of his tortures, either.)  So I figure a cardboard barrel and a bishop's miter for All Saints, and a monkey hat and some stuffed monkeys for Halloween.
More on St. ElmoMonkey Hat
7. Mary Jane: Leaping St. John the Baptist?

I've been trying to come up with a good, Ergo-friendly costume for Mary Jane and I. I'm thinking we might be St. Elizabeth and St. John the Baptist. But I'm not sure if Mary Jane will be able to pull it off. Maybe if she had a beard? Like this guy?


Bearded Baby

Last year's big Catholic Costume Contest resulted in a TON of amazing costume ideas for All Saints Day. I posted them all after the fact, but in case you're looking for ideas for this year, check it out . . .
Over 150 All-Saints Day Costumes for Kids  Here are our last year's twofer costumes (Hermione/St. Elizabeth Ann Seton turned out SO well!) . . . Last Minute Twofer Costumes for Halloween AND All Saints Day
And here's the post that started it all, featuring everyone's favorite cephalophore, St. Denis, whose feast day it just happens to be today! . . .Costumes for All Saints Day AND Halloween: One Part Catholic, Two Parts AwesomeIf you're planning All Saints costumes, and ESPECIALLY if you're planning twofer costumes, I'd love to hear about it in the comments!

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In unrelated news,  I was pleased to be interviewed by Ana at Time Flies When You're Having Babies. Click over for the scoop on the imaginary children that were the biggest mistake of my early homeschooling career, and whether I'm the type of mom who sits on the floor playing trains with you.

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I'm linking up again with Kelly for my seventy-fifth seven quick takes!

Three Tips for 'Gramming Your Baby and one tip about sheets

I heart Instagram. Much pretty. No drama.

I'm no professional, but actual persons have asked me about the photography techniques I employ therein.

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I don't have a fancy camera. But I DO have a cute baby. And I take a LOT of pictures of her, and share quite a few of them on Instagram. (I also don't have an iPhone, but here's how I get my photos onto Instagram without one.)

There must be thousands of photography tip blog posts out there, by people more qualified to write them than I. But it's going to turn out that THIS blog post is actually about sheets, anyway. And there's a SPECIAL OFFER. So stick around. Here goes . . .




These tips are pretty basic, but they're really the only things I focus on in all my picture taking, not just Instagram, not just babies.

1. Light. 

Light is second only to subject matter in photography. Maybe they're even tied. It's SUPER important. Light is the difference between Grace Patton's Instagram feed, and your cousin's.

Not enough light, and photos are blurry. Too much and there are weird shadows, and squinty faces.



Natural light is best. If it's daylight, I turn the lights off and get close to a window or door. I never use a flash.

I put myself in between the baby and the light source, with the light behind me.

Diffused light seems to work best. I try to position the baby where light will reflect onto her from a white wall, rather than putting her in the direct light from a window. Or I take photos at a time of day when there is plenty of light coming in through the window, but it is not shining directly on where I'm shooting.



If I end up with a dark photo I want to use anyway, I try lightening (hey, correct use of that word!) it with a filter.

2. Angles

Especially since Instagram photos are almost always small and square, I try to find interesting and unexpected angles. What I almost always end up liking best is getting down low, level with my subject, rather than always shooting from a standing position.



So, if she's on the floor, I'll get the camera on the floor too. If she's on the bed, I shoot from the edge of the bed. If it looks weird, I can always delete it. Ah, the digital age.

3. Background

Busy or messy backgrounds CAN be cool and interesting, or they can be distracting. Some of my favorite photographs in my feed are babies on beds with plain white sheets.


Which I didn't have.

But now I do because the good folks at Perfect Linens sent me some to try out. (See? I told you this post was really about sheets.) They are amazing, for all sorts of scientific reasons, apparently. But I love that they are super soft, even after multiple washings. And very clean and white, without bleach, even with a baby sleeping in them with me, doing baby stuff to them. And very smooth, even without dryer sheets, which I don't use.

They really are the best sheets we've ever owned. They have a few options, but the ones we have are Second Skin, with the fern green embroidered border. The sheets themselves are really what's important, but I just love the embroidery. It makes me feel like I'm sleeping in sheets I spent years hand-embellishing and kept stored in a hope chest. But I did not have that kind of dedication in my girlhood.



I have a discount code for you. If you happen to be without lovely white sheets as well, it is worth $35 off each purchase: CatholicAllYear35. 

The coupon does not expire and there is no limit on the number of times it can be used. 

You can even try them out for 45 days, and return them for free if you don't love them. But, probably, you will.
And you'll take excellent baby photos upon them! (Tag me if you do: @kendra_tierney, I want to see them.)
And that's my honest opinion, but this is a sponsored post.

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Today is the Feast of Our Lady of the Rosary! Here's the quick, easy, and fun way we'll be celebrating . . .


And here's how our family manages an almost daily family rosary . . .

How We Say a Family Rosary

On Being a Missionary to Your Extended Family

Mailbag time! Here's one about how we maintain our family's religious practices on vacations with friends or family members who aren't living their faith the same was we do.


-question-  

Hi, Kendra!

My question for you has to do with traveling. We currently travel a couple times a year, mostly to visit my family who live a few states away. I'm wondering if you could offer some insight into how your family preserves your own unique way of practicing your faith while away from home, specifically if you are staying with friends/family who may not understand your way of practicing Catholicism.

When we visit my family, we stay with them, since hotels in their are expensive and their feelings would be hurt if we didn't. They are Catholic but don't necessarily fully practice or take their faith very seriously. I would never want to make them feel that we are in any way critiquing their choices, but I do feel the need to preserve our own family traditions of faith while we are with them. We still say our family prayers while we are visiting, before meals, morning offerings, and bedtime. We still go to Mass on Sundays and Holy Days of obligation. There are many challenges, though. I find Fridays to be difficult, as abstaining from meat is not an option while we are here. Their parish is much different from ours (homilies and liturgical hymns are generally . . . less than ideal, at best, and sometimes heretical, at worst). There isn't much choice as far as parishes go, since they live in the country. My concern is that for these few weeks, my littles are sent mixed messages about the Faith. I want to be charitable towards my family (who are so generous and excited to host my husband, myself, and our 4-under-6 crew!) and be a good witness to them, but I also don't want to let our kids get confused while they're here.

I know that in the end, a few weeks won't compare to the weeks throughout he year of a daily, full embrace of the Faith in its true beauty. I just can't shake how very conflicted I feel! How do I spend time with my family, and let them enjoy their grandkids, while also keeping our family's faith intact? What do you think?

Thanks,
Jen

-answer-Hey Jen,

Thanks for your kind words.

I think the best way to look at it, is that during those times you guys are missionaries. If you brought your family to the African jungle or back in time to pagan Ireland like St. Patrick, you'd expect the people there to be doing things their own way. And you'd do the best you could under the circumstances to be a light to the people around you. You'd try to appreciate the good in their culture and traditions, while not losing yours. You'd stand firm where you must, and give where you can.

And that's what we do on vacations.

For things like meat-free Fridays, we try to live by the St. Josemaria quip that we should "choose mortifications that don't mortify others." Abstaining from meat on Friday is a Best Practice, but we are allowed by the bishops to substitute another sacrifice, so what better time to do so than when it would mean not inconveniencing our hosts? Our kids understand that we are doing it out of charity, not laziness. And we have fun trying to find another sneaky sacrifice to make during the day.

As for the Mass. I totally feel you. Once you've found a church that feels like home, it's shocking to go back out there and find terrible music and homilies. But it's a good chance to help our kids understand that while uplifting and edifying music and homilies and surroundings are a huge blessing, and, again, a Best Practice . . . they're not The Mass. The Mass is still there underneath beautiful or ugly trappings. We don't go to Mass to be personally uplifted (although that's often a lovely side effect), we go to Mass because God said he wished it of us. The "point" of the Mass isn't community or inspiration. The four ends of the Mass are Adoration, Atonement, Thanksgiving, and Petition. We can look past the music and the homily and still give those four things.

We have been party to a handful of heretical homilies, and I think they've been a good opportunity to have a discussion with our older kids. For little ones, they usually haven't noticed. But for our older kids, we talk about it. We're respectful of the priest's station, but he's a man, and we just talk about how he got this wrong, and why. I think it's a mistake faithful Catholic families sometimes make to put priests on a pedestal. They deserve to be spoken of with respect, but that doesn't mean we can't ever disagree with them.

There are opportunities for growth in understanding and charity AND faith in all of these experiences if we approach them right.

I think the main thing to remember is what you said . . . if your home is a place of solid formation, your kids will absolutely be able to handle outlier-type experiences. And maintaining close, loving relationships with family members who aren't practicing their faith is a really important goal. It gives us a chance to love them and perhaps also to evangelize them. Maybe the next generation of the family will remember the love and joy that our little branch of the family tree seemed to have. It's not always possible. Many people have had to make the difficult decision to limit or avoid contact with certain friends or family members. But if you can figure out a way to do it, I think it's really a blessing for all involved.

Good Luck!
Kendra


Disclaimer: I am not a theologian, nor am I an official spokesperson for the Catholic Church. (You're thinking of this guy.) If you read anything on this blog that is contrary to Church teaching, please consider it my error (and let me know!). I'm not a doctor or an expert on anything in particular. I'm just one person with a lot of experience parenting little kids and a desire to share my joy in marriage, mothering, and my faith.

If you've got a question, please send it along to catholicallyear @ gmail . com . Please let me know if you prefer that I change your name if I use your question on the blog.

Guardian Angels and Goings On

There's been quite a bit going on in the world and this country and my house. Interesting stuff, exciting stuff, disappointing stuff.

It's been a while since I updated everyone on the goings on around here. And I figure you're just dying to know how the Tierneys feel about the following subjects:

1. The Feast of the Guardian Angels 

We are for it.

Happy Feast Day! It's been a big week for feasts. Michaelmas, St. Therese, now Guardian Angels. I love cultivating the relationship between my kids and their guardian angels. Each morning before school, we say a Morning Offering, then the Guardian Angel Prayer, then we say good morning to our guardian angels, then we say good morning to everyone else's guardian angels. Maybe that sounds weird when you read it. But in practice I can assure you it's completely adorable.

Anyway, in celebration of the feast, I made up some printables!

Here are the Guardian Angel Prayers featuring superheroes . . . 


And fairy tales . . . 


And here are the fairy tale ones, with less pink . . .




You are welcome to click on the image to enbiggen it, then right click on it and choose "save image." That will allow you to print it up to 5x7, for free. OR you can click here to purchase high-resolution versions of the images. $10 gets you both superhero prayers, or both fairy tale prayers. Please tell me which ones you want in the comment box on the purchase page. The high-resolution images can be printed up to 16x20. I recommend using mpix, or you can just print it on your home printer.

Also new this week, I shared some printables featuring Mother Angelica's beautiful prayer for miscarriage, stillbirth, and infant loss. I made them as a gift for a dear friend who lost her baby, Joshua, at 22 weeks along. Please keep the family in your prayers. You'll find the images, available full-sized, for free, on A Blog About Miscarriage.

As with all my printables, you are welcome to save the images to your computer for your own personal use. You may print the images and / or upload them and have prints made for your personal use or to give as gifts.  First click on the image to bring it up in a new window, then right click on the image to save it to your computer. You may use my images on your blog, just please link back to my blog. If you would like to sell my images, please contact me first.

  For LOTS MORE free printable prayers, check out my Pinterest board.


 Wait, don't click up there. Click here. Or over there on the sidebar.
I love making printables! I get lots of requests from you good folks for specific prayers, but I thought I'd make things official, and offer them for sale. For the low, low introductory price of only $10, I will create a printable digital image, just for you. Have a favorite prayer, quote, poem, or house rule that you'd like to be able to print out and stick on the fridge, or have professionally printed and framed for posterity? I've got you covered.


2. The Pope

I don't know if you guys heard, but Pope Francis came to the US. There was a whole big thing. But it was AAAALLLL the way over in the tiny states in the upper right corner, so we had to make our own excitement.

Like so:


That's my Francis + Pope Francis + St. Francis . . . for your viewing pleasure.


The Pope Francis poster/mask/hat (and the St. Francis movie) is available from CCC of America, if you need one. And probably you do.


It really was cool to start our days with breakfast and a speech by the pope. It was so great to hear his voice. Thank goodness for closed captioning though, amirite?

3. The Blood Moon

And there was a thing with the moon, that seems like it happens kind of a lot lately, but they say it won't again for a while, so we wandered the neighborhood in jammies and bare feet until we caught a glimpse of it.


And it was pretty cool. But I think I can probably manage until 2033 without another one. Probably.

4. Being Thirty-Nine

*I* had a birthday a couple of weeks ago. And it came with my first ever surprise party. AND I was totally surprised. You can tell my husband knows me, because instead of sending me out for the afternoon, he just told me I should hang out in our room with the baby and the iPad. And I was like, "That will not be a problem." I came out at dinner time, and my living room was full of people!


Being thirty-nine and having a newborn means I should probably write a post on being of "Advanced Maternal Age," but I haven't been able to make myself do it yet.

I'm totally cool with my age, and I kind of want to hurry up and be forty because I just wanna rock THAT. But I kind of can't stand the idea that I'm now this noteworthy creature . . . of advanced maternal age. I'm like, WHAT?! I'm not old to be a mom. I'm not doing anything untoward to make myself have babies past when I otherwise could. I'm REGULAR maternal age. It's just that I didn't quit early.


Just to clarify, I do understand that it is difficult for many women to have children, especially their first, in their mid to late thirties. (I wrote a whole post about it!) But I just don't love the idea of being labeled as something odd or dangerous. This is just what's natural for me. I don't feel old to be having babies.

Whatever, I'm sure I'll write it eventually.

5. Mary Jane

Speaking of . . . 


Mary Jane is two months old. And SUPER squishy.


Just look at all those chins. AND the jazz hands.


She is very sweet, as long as I do as I'm told. Which I mostly do. Her big brothers and sisters dote on her, especially since we ended up with a case of Butterfingers in the house (long story) and in one of my more brilliant parenting moves EVER . . . I instituted a policy that big kids can earn one candy bar for each ten diaper changes. (REAL diaper changes only.) You've never seen such excitement over diapers.

They've changed diapers for nothing in the past, and they'll do it again, but I WILL miss the enthusiasm!



6. Still Living in This House


Aww, she's a good old house. And she's still home.

It's just been one thing after another, trying to buy the new (old) house. We are in escrow, but one closing date has passed, and another. The seller is being patient with us, so far. I do think we will still end up in it, eventually. I hope. But it's not going to be easy.

St. Joseph, pray for us.

7. Jack Going to Real School

The only real drawback to still being in this house is how far away it is from Jack's new school. It's an hour drive. Each way. Twice a day.

If you're wondering how I could do that and still homeschool . . . I don't think I could. The husband is doing the lion's share of the driving, splitting time with the one other family in our part of town crazy enough to commit to a school so far away.

But, Jack LOVES it. He's adjusted better than I could have hoped for. He's on the flag football team, and ran for eighth grade class president. (The class president's main responsibility is to host movie night each month.)

He came in second, if you can believe it. Even with his amazing celebrity endorsement.

So, I think that gets you just about up to date. It's been a pretty great week on the blog. The two posts that went up have had probably the most lively comment sections of anything I've ever written. Be sure to check back in, especially on the college one. We've got experts and professionals in the house.

What If I Can't Afford to Send Them to College?In Defense of Homemaking I'm linking up with Kelly for the Seven Quick Takes big LINK-toberfest.This week's question is: When did you post your first Seven Quick Takes?And the answer is: February 22, 2013Balloonford?: 7 Quick TakesBut THE coolest part of that post is the very first comment, from a perfect stranger living in Korea, who is now Mary Jane's Godmother. Thanks Seven Quick Takes. I owe you one.

In Defense of Homemaking

Ladies.

We do not have to be suspicious of homemaking.

Our talents and aptitudes may afford us opportunities that weren't available to earlier generations of women. But most of us also desire to have a husband, and children, and to create a home for them.

To aspire to professional excellence is viewed as natural, and good. But, somehow, excellence in the home has become an awkward battleground of overdoing vs eschewing.



There are women who pursue excellence in homemaking to a truly staggering degree. Empires have been created around cooking and decorating tips. There are untold numbers of blogs and Instagram accounts devoted to beautifully unrealistic visions of aspirational homemaking. But at the same time, some women fear that to be a proficient homemaker somehow subjugates them.

I require both my boys and my girls to do chores around the house. Both my boys and my girls know how to cook, clean, take out the trash, make beds, and do laundry. But it's my hope that my daughters will grow up with an appreciation for traditionally feminine pursuits, so they are members of a girls' club called Little Women Hospitality Program. It's an offshoot of Little Flowers, aimed at older girls, in which they wear matching shirts and work on learning hospitality skills alongside their friends.


Over the two year program, the girls are introduced to skills including . . . Cooking, Cleaning, Setting and Clearing a Table, Table Manners and Conversation, Preparing a Room for a Guest, Writing Correspondence, Bringing Hospitality to Others, Sewing and Dressing Modestly, Planning a Tea Party, Running a Book Club, Laundry, Care for the Elderly, Personal Cleanliness, Tradition, Art and Beauty, Interior Decorating, Public Speaking, Gardening, and Friendship.

We had our first meeting of year two a couple of weeks ago, and I posted a picture on the blog's Facebook page of the girls learning about how to do laundry.



I was surprised at the lively discussion that ensued. Commenters were split about 90/10, with ninety percent wishing that they'd had a group like this when they were younger, because they felt themselves underprepared for the demands of homemaking, and ten percent REALLY concerned that this was a sexist thing to do to a group of girls. Coincidentally, another discussion about this club popped up on a fellow blogger's personal Facebook page, on the very same day. And some of the comments over there were less charitable. Some of them were CRAZY uncharitable. And really seemed to miss the point.

Lets look at the two main objections voiced in the comments, shall we?

1. Shouldn't girls and boys be taught the same things in the same ways?

Here's the thing:  My boys would not enjoy attending a club where they learned homemaking skills. That sounds just awful for them. My daughters do very much enjoy their homemaking club, so they get to do that with their girlfriends while the brothers make paper airplanes and hit each other with sticks outside. (Actually what happened during that meeting.) 

The girls enjoy learning these skills in a group environment, with their friends, in matching shirts. They enjoy learning these skills WITHOUT their brothers. My girls enjoy this club. My boys would hate it. It would be terrible for them. That doesn't mean the boys don't learn homemaking skills and that they don't do chores. They do. I'm just acknowledging here that there are better ways to teach my girls and better ways to teach my boys.

For my boys homemaking is a skill they should know so they don't die. For my girls, I hope homemaking is an art they can cultivate, whether or not they also have another career. But also, so they don't die. Which brings me to . . . 

2. If girls are taught homemaking, won't they aspire to nothing more?

Remember Andrea in season one of The Walking Dead? The women end up doing the laundry, but she'd rather go hunting, or fight zombies with the boys. I totally get that.



But I want my daughters to learn stuff like this precisely BECAUSE they were not skills I valued as a young woman.

Dosmesticity doesn't come naturally to me, and I'm pretty sure I must have resisted all my mother's attempts to teach me any basic homemaking. I didn't know how to do most rudimentary home ec stuff until after I got married. And it didn't make me a bada$$ feminist . . . it made me pathetic and embarrassed. And dirty.

You will never convince me that withholding skills and information from girls is empowering, or that giving them skills and information is sexist. 

Cooking, cleaning, laundry . . . these are IMPORTANT LIFE SKILLS. I hope my daughters will grow up to take pride in their careers (if they have them) and their children (if they have them). But I'm assuming they will also live somewhere, and wear clothing, and eat stuff. I hope that they can also take pride in their ability to do those things well.

That's what I've learned to do. I've been able to find interesting challenges and unexpected joys in homemaking tasks. Sure there's also drudgery. But some of that is good for me too.

I don't expect them to love every second of doing laundry. But maybe they won't like driving. That doesn't mean I'm just going to let them be terrible at it.

Most of these "homemaking" skills, are really just "Catholic" skills, right out of the Corporal and Spiritual Acts of Mercy. None of us is above learning those things, no matter how accomplished we are outside the home.

So, if you're a ten percenter . . . don't be worried about my boys. They're learning most of this stuff too, just in a different format. And don't be worried about my girls, I have every intention of their being able to do laundry AND kick some butt in the event of a zombie apocalypse.

And if you're a ninety percenter . . . it is NOT too late for you to learn this stuff. It wasn't too late for me, and I'm looking forward to the rest of this year of Little Women Hospitality Program, because I figure I've still got plenty to learn. Don't be scared to try stuff, don't be scared to fail. For excellent, practical, accessible information, check out Like Mother, Like Daughter. And/or, start your own Little Women Hospitality Program club. Nothing like trying to teach something to help learn it. 

Don't worry that putting some effort into domestic pursuits makes you less empowered. Knowing stuff is good. Just ask G.I Joe.






You might also enjoy . . . 
Boy Scouts and Girl Scouts: A Difference in Kind not Just in DegreeHow to Start a Little Flowers Girls' Club

What If I Can't Afford to Send Them to College?

Mailbag time! It's the million dollar question for big Catholic families: How can we keep having them, if we don't know whether we can afford them?

- question -

Hi Kendra,

I feel a little silly emailing someone I have never met such a personal question, but I've been reading your blog for almost a year now and really appreciate you sharing your experiences and advice.

I am a stereotypical cradle Catholic, as they say. I grew up going to church on Sundays, etc, but never really dove into the teachings of the Church until fairly recently. It's been a slow growing process for me. I had never even heard about NFP or St. John Paul II's Theology of the Body until maybe 3 years ago. However, it's taken me that long to mull over all that information (which is just so radical from everything you learn growing up, right?) and talking about it with my husband, to say, "Okay, I think we should try NFP."

We have two small children. Almost all our friends/family have no more than two children. Everyone is telling me that we should not have more than two. BUT with NFP I expect that we'll be open to more children. As someone who never thought they would have ANY kids, I can't deny that the idea of having more than two feels overwhelming. The thing that overwhelms me the most, is the increased expenses. Specifically, paying for college. This is something that is very important to me, and I want to be able to provide this for my children should they choose to go to college. My husband and I are pretty frugal people. We don't have fancy stuff. We don't do fancy things. So, I suppose my question is, how do larger families afford the larger number of children? Is saving for college something that larger families are generally able to do? I kind of feel like I'm entering foreign territory so any advice would be appreciated!

Thank you!
C.

- answer -
Hey C,

This is a concern a lot of people have, I know. I think coming to terms with it requires a combination of virtues.
Planning aheadHaving the right prioritiesLiving frugallyTrusting in God
All of them. We met an old timer after Mass once and he told us how he had a bunch of kids on a city worker salary, and he always just figured that if God wanted them to go to college, God would figure it out. And, apparently most of them did. So, that's our backup plan. But we're also putting money away each month, as much as we can. We're focusing on instilling in our children the virtues that would allow them to be successful in school and hopefully qualify for scholarships. We're encouraging our older kids to look for ways to earn money, and they each have an investment account of their own, to which they contribute.

College expenses aside, one more kid really isn't all that expensive. We mostly eat at home, so one more mouth doesn't add up to all that much more in food bill, although I know they will eat more as they get older (I now have a teenager!), they wear hand-me-down clothes, and we've really had to get creative on Christmas and birthday gifts, because we have all the toys we could possibly ever need. All of those "how much it costs to raise a child" infographics are nonsense. Kids just don't need all that STUFF.

I think Jenny at Mama Needs Coffee wrote about this really well:
On Debt and Openness to Life
We do have a responsibility to gauge whether we can "afford" emotionally, physically, and financially to have another child. But I also think that if there's any question, we should err on the side of reckless generosity. You really can't put a price on another snuggly baby's smiles, another sibling for your children, another wedding to dance at, another grandchild's drawings on the fridge, another person at your deathbed. All of that is so much more important than money. If I look at each of my children and I think, "Well, what if I couldn't afford to send you to college? Would I wish I'd never had you?" of course, the answer is a resounding "No." If MY own parents hadn't been able to afford to send ME to college, would I wish I had never been born? No, I wouldn't.

And now I'm just going to go out on a limb here, and guess that there's more to your worry than just money. Because two little kids is really hard work. When I had two little kids, I looked at my day and I knew that to add two more kids and twice as much work would have been flat out impossible. But, of course, my kids kept right on coming all the same. And I found that having that third baby was the scariest, but then it ended up being an easier adjustment for me than having my first or second, then by the time number four came along, my big kids were helping, and I knew what I was doing, and it was easier still to adjust. And now, we've got our routines and our systems and everyone helps and it all functions pretty smoothly, most of the time, even when we have a new baby.

I don't know if God's calling you to have a big family. It's not always a given. But if God IS calling you to have a big family, he will give you the graces you need to be able to survive it. He hasn't given them to you yet, because you don't need them yet. That's what I see in the big families I know. But I also know lovely, devout Catholic families with one or two children. You just never know how things are going to work out. The best any of us can do is try to correspond to the graces God gives us to deal with the life we're living at this particular moment.

Keep me posted!

Cheers,
Kendra

You might also enjoy these posts:
To Moms of Only Little Kids: psst, the magic number is tenDear Newlywed, You're Probably Worried About the Wrong Thing  Mailbag Disclaimer: I am not a theologian, nor am I an official spokesperson for the Catholic Church. (You're thinking of this guy.) If you read anything on this blog that is contrary to Church teaching, please consider it my error (and let me know!). I'm not a doctor or an expert on anything in particular. I'm just one person with a lot of experience parenting little kids and a desire to share my joy in marriage, mothering, and my faith.
If you've got a question, please send it along to catholicallyear @ gmail . com . Please let me know if you prefer that I change your name if I use your question on the blog.

Them's the Rules: Part II (Seven Quick Takes)

Here we go on the second installment of . . . Them's the Rules! Where I share with you our family rules and things I say one hundred times a day, with images I made in a weird fit of graphic design-themed nesti-ness the day before Mary Jane was born.
Here's Part I, in case you missed it.
1. What does God do to complainers? He sends snakes to bite them.
Really, I just love this one. I love it so much I wrote a blog post about it AND a reflection at Blessed is She about it. My kids know this one so well, that now I don't even have to say it. I can just hiss and poke them with two fingers. And THEY KNOW.

2. Is that a tool, or a toy?

I don't know about yours, but my kids are always messing with stuff they ought not be messing with. So we have this rule to help little kids (and big kids who need reminding) learn to distinguish between things that should be played with and things that should just be used for their intended purpose.

So . . . Scissors: okay for cutting paper. Not okay for putting in your mouth to make your cheeks poke out funny. Oven mitt: okay for moving a hot pan. Not okay for having a puppet show. Rubber mulch: okay for walking on, or falling upon from a great height. Not okay for filling your pockets or winging at your sister.
3. Don't look at me when you're talking to him.

This one is just tattling, disguised as not tattling.

We have a family rule that before you come to tell mom or dad, you must take up the issue with the person with whom you are having a problem. Or, if you see someone breaking a family rule, you're to remind him and give him a chance to stop before you involve mom and dad.

But, unfortunately, that rule necessitated this rule, because a lot of the "reminders" ended up being shouted right past the offender, right to me.
4. What do we say when someone helps us? (thank you, not: I WANNA DO IT!)

This one has always been directed mostly at the one to three year old set. But I currently have a seven year old who is terribly offended at assistance of any kind and still needs reminders.

It is a fact of life that toddlers need help for many, many things. But most of them do NOT want that help. My toddlers all want to "do it aself." That's great. I love that. I'm a huge fan of encouraging independence, even in toddlers. But sometimes we just need the hand washing or unbuckling to happen this decade and there will need to be help. So, when the shrieking begins, I remind them of the preferred response.
5. Three times is the limit, for singin' stuff, sayin' stuff, and doin' stuff.

Much like whoever makes The Fast and the Furious movies, my kids believe that if something was good once, it will be good fifteen times. But, I think WE can agree that that just isn't true. Three times is plenty for that novelty song about a duck at a lemonade stand or that knock knock joke.
6. Unless it's dangerous or destructive, you're just tattling.

That's two anti-tattling rules in this list. But, MAN do I hate tattling. So, there ya go.

Basically our rule is that the kids should make every effort to handle things amongst themselves. They are Team Kid and we are Team Grown Up, and they should be trying to take care of each other, and address problems between members of their team without involving us.

However, if it's dangerous or destructive, I want to know about it.
7. No. No screaming.

My formerly Sweetest Baby in the Universe has become a Regular Old Toddler, so this rule is in high rotation around here. I can't abide shrieking. I just can. not. So, we don't allow shrieks of anger or frustration or glee. You can BE angry or frustrated or gleeful, you just can't scream about it.

So, if there is screaming, there is one warning, then there is a trip to the corner or the crib, depending on how old you are. It's pretty effective . . . eventually. Even with really stubborn kids.
And that's all for today. But don't worry, there's at least one more post where this one came from.

As with all my printables, you are welcome to save the images to your computer for your own personal use. You may print the images and / or upload them and have prints made for your personal use or to give as gifts. (These are sized for 8x10 or square but will print well much bigger.) First click on the image to bring it up in a new window, then right click on the image to save it to your computer. You may use my images on your blog, just please link back to my blog. If you would like to sell my images, please contact me first.

  For LOTS MORE free printable prayers, check out my Pinterest board.

 Wait, don't click up there. Click here. Or over there on the sidebar.
I love making printables! I get lots of requests from you good folks for specific prayers, but I thought I'd make things official, and offer them for sale. For the low, low introductory price of only $10, I will create a printable digital image, just for you. Have a favorite prayer, quote, poem, or house rule that you'd like to be able to print out and stick on the fridge, or have professionally printed and framed for posterity? I've got you covered.

All YOU have to do is click through up there, or over on the sidebar, to make your payment, and email me at catholicallyear {at} gmail {dot} com with the exact text, along with (if you'd like) your preferred colors. You can also check out the Pinterest board, and tell me which style you like best. You'll have it in your inbox within a few days.

You can also request the full size file of any of the images on that pinterest board, or anything I've shared here on the blog or on facebook. Once you purchase the file, it's yours to print as many copies as you like for yourself, to give as gifts, or to give to a charity fundraiser. But please don't sell my images without my permission.

for more 7 Quick Takes, and an insider look at the World Meeting of Families visit This Ain't the Lyceum