Jason Treu's Blog, page 32

Get Business Guidelines through Jason Treu Coaching

Gain the true knowledge of business from an expert Jason Treu coaching to get succeed in the life. His executive coaching programs helpful for a new or start-up business. He has his own way to deliver the inspirational lectures. He understands your situation better than any other. If you have skills to take your organization to a higher level then Jason gives you a right strategy that how to apply your talent.

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How to Meet 5 People in 1 Day That Could Change Your Life

I’m a big believer in meeting new people. Based on speaking with tens of thousands of people for my book Social Wealth and TEDx Talk, most people are settling in their relationships because they don’t have the options to choose other people.

Why? Because their universe of options is quite limited.

I think the only way to really know if the people you who you surround yourself with are the best people for you is through a combination of deep self-inquiry, analysis of the people you surround yourself with, and what your goals are and what the goals are of the people you are spending time with.

But there are very few people that will do that.

So instead of advising you to do that, I’ve got a quicker way.

Join an interest group.

I joined an interest group attached with one of my main goals for 2018. That group is The White Rock Running Group, here in Dallas. I’ve met some incredible people in a very short period of time (less than 5 weeks). And remember, I’m running as part of the time I spend with them.

You can go to meetup or google any interest you have: reading, movies, dancing, running, biking, swimming, painting, volunteering, etc. And if you have never done it, just start! I never ran over 4 miles before I started running, and ran my first half marathon in two and half weeks after my first outdoors run. So if I can do it, you can too.

Most of these groups have 5 to 50 people that go. People are opening, and welcoming (for the most part). It’s very low or no cost. It only requires an hour or two of time. It’s during the middle of the week usually. And if you don’t like it, you don’t have to go back.

BUT, you can meet a lot of people quickly. I’ve met probably 30 people, and I’ve gotten to know 8-10 pretty well. Who knows where these relationships will go, but I’ve just expanded my social circles and I’m doing it along with an activity I’m excited about.
Where to start: 

Google whatever interests you and see what comes up. Next, go to meetup and see if there is a group nearby. Also, you can go on Facebook and their may be a group too in your area. That’s how I found my running group on FB.
Go to the event. I advise showing up on time or slightly early. Tell people you are new, and want to meet new, fantastic people. You can also contact the organizer ahead of time, and let them know you are coming. That way they will be on the lookout for you.
If you don’t like the event or people, don’t go back. Find something else. It may take a few weeks to find a group you enjoy.

Examples: Book Club & Denver, running groups in Los Angeles, painting in Philadelphia, etc.

What to say:

The easiest thing is to ask questions. The great thing is it is more important to get people to talk about themselves than you talk. So the pressure is off you already!
“Hi, my name is Jason. I’m new to the group and I look forward to meeting some fantastic people.”
“Tell me a little bit about the group and what you all do.”
“What are your passionate about outside of this group?”
“What’s exciting that’s going on in your life right now?”
That’s all you need!

The key is to show up consistently for a while so you can spend time with people and get to know them.

Here is another option you COULD do (not required). I like to stand out, and do something people won’t expect (in a positive way). For example, in my running group, on Saturdays someone brings out water and gatorade for people on mile 7. So I’m volunteering on 1/27 to do it. That’s nothing unusual other than stepping up and doing it. AND I’m planning on making a “champagne mimosa” stop at the parking lot when the run ends. No one ever has done it, and it’s way to do something fun. It doesn’t even matter if people drink or not, they will see it, and it shows I care and took time out to do it.

By joining an interest group, you’ll meet new people and possibly make some great new friends. You also can look at your current relationships and see where they are.

By the end of 2018, you may find five people in the group you joined you have become your closest friends. Or you may just have made some new good friends. Either way, you are enriching your life!

What group are you going to join this week?

Cheers,
Jason

PS: You can download directly my TEDx team building game I created, Cards Against Mundanity. You can play it in groups of 4-12 at work or with your friends. The results are incredible. In 45 minutes, you’ll see results. One company and several groups increased revenue/production by more than 25% in a year due to it. It’s based on research on the #1 factor for high performing teams at Google. And also a research study where people built the closest relationship in their life in 45 minutes.

 

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#1 Best Book to Read to From 2017 – Brene Brown Braving The Wilderness

Just my #1 the best podcast I mentioned, here is the best book I’ve read in 2017. I’ve read 24 books last year, and this by far is the best one. It’s packed with fantastic nuggets and insights to make 2018 your best year yet.

Drum roll (please): Brene Brown’s, “Braving the Wilderness.”

It covers:

Why you have to belong to yourself first before you can truly belong to others
Why belonging is as important as food, shelter, and water
Why creating belonging will rocket your business and career, and make you stand out as a leader
Four practices to create belonging in your life and your career
Why many use a “common enemy” to unite them versus having beliefs that they have thought through and believe in
And much more

Here is the main quote the underpins the entire book:

“You only are free when you realize you belong no place — you belong every place — no place at all. The price is high. The reward is great.” – Maya Angelou

As an entrepreneur (or really anyone in business), two valuable lessons that this book covers:

You have to be ok with being alone, and to belong to yourself in that solitude. And then move through the loneliness to the other side, emerging from it to build deep meaningful connections with others.
Like Jeff Bezos has said, the most difficult part of being a leader is going through long periods of time being misunderstood. In that time, you must learn to belong to yourself. If you do, you’ll emerge much stronger, much more successful and have much deeper connections

Cheers,
Jason

PS: You can download directly my TEDx team building game I created, Cards Against Mundanity. You can play it in groups of 4-12 at work or with your friends. The results are incredible. In 45 minutes, you’ll see results. One company and several groups increased revenue/production by more than 25% in a year due to it. It’s based on research on the #1 factor for high performing teams at Google. And also a research study where people built the closest relationship in their life in 45 minutes.

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Goal Setting in 15 Minutes or Less (Quicker Than Ordering a Pizza)

The goal-setting process to me is very frustrating, time-consuming and very few people follow through with them. Goals can be very powerful, but the process has to be simplified and minimize resistance to following through.

I’ve created this rapid goal-setting document to get you commit to the goals you want, understand your “why” and provide you with the “drive” to achieve/surpass your goals.

This whole goal setting process should take you 15 minutes or less. Set a timer. Force yourself to answer the questions in the allotted time. Don’t worry if you don’t get it all right. You can always go back later and add/delete/change.

Also, I’ve added a couple resources at the end that will be helpful.

Now, go crush 2018!!!

And…take out a piece of paper, open google docs or your favorite writing tool/app.

Step 1: Set Your Goals for 2018 (5-7 mins)

The point of goals is to help you realize a “better version of you.” It’s not about comparison, perfectionism or about what anyone else is doing. That’s a trap that will hold you back and kill your drive.

Pick three professional and/or personal goals. If you pick any more than three, you will have a hard time focusing, prioritizing and achieving them.

You can pick quantifiable or qualitative goals. Don’t get bogged down in metrics and or need for specificity because sometimes there isn’t. Don’t worry about the perfect goal sentence, just put something down.

Quantitative examples:

“I want to qualify for the Boston Marathon during the Chicago Marathon in October.”

Qualitative example:

“I want to create deeper relationships with my friends and family.”


Goal #1
Goal #2
Goal #3

Step 2: Why (2 mins)

People get way to caught up in the HOW versus the WHY. Once you pick the goal, you will figure it out.

There is plenty of knowledge, coaching and support out there. You just have to start and figure it out along the way. Start taking imperfect action without everything figured out. Stop waiting around for when you are ready or evidence or when you “feel” like it.

When would NOW be a good time to start?

Ask yourself:

Why did you pick these goals? Why are they so important to you? (Answer in 2-3 sentences maximum)

Step 3: Look in Your “Accountability Mirror.” (3 mins)

What are you really lacking in your life? Where are you not measuring up to where you want to be? Be 110% real and honest. When you can write it down and say it, you are 75% on the way to moving past it.

Step 4: Motivation is BS (3 mins)

Motivation only lasts for a moment and it won’t stick with you. It’s fleeting. You’ve watched a movie, read a book or gone to an event, and said to yourself you were to change something. And then…nothing happened. That’s motivation.

Drive will get you out of bed and it will have you doing things no matter how you feel. Drive is about your WHY. Driven people always find a way.

What’s your drive here? What’s going to get you out of bed at 5am to run in the cold? What self-talk do you need to have to keep going no matter what?

DONE!

Start taking action today. You’ll look back and be amazed how far you have come on December 31st!

Support and Additional Materials:

Tip #1: Use your calendar to write down what actions you are going to take. It is the easiest and quickest way to make yourself accountable. Treat like a meeting you have to go to.

For example, I write out my running schedule (with the help of my coach) on a monthly basis and put it my calendar. That way I know what I need to need to do.

You can also write on a weekly, bi-weekly, or monthly check-in on your calendar. You can write something simple like, “What have I done to move my three goals forward this month?” “What new actions do I need to take?”

Tip #2: There is a simple “three pillar” equation to achieve mastery at anything.

Knowledge/systems/best practices + Mentoring/coaching + Support

For each of your goals, apply the three pillars.

Here is an example and blueprint you can leverage:

I decided to run a half marathon in four weeks, and I’ve never run more than four miles ever. I did some simple things. First, I signed up and paid to run in the Dallas Half Marathon. Then, I texted 20 of my friends telling them I was going to run. So now, I had to do it and find a way. Second, I found an amazing running coach, and it was very inexpensive. Third, I asked twenty people what the best running group was in Dallas and joined them. I run with the running group every Wednesday night and Saturday morning. And my running group is completely free. Fourth, I emailed 20 expert runners I knew and asked them five questions about how to master running, prevent injuries, etc.

I applied all that information and ran for only 16 days outside. I finished the Dallas Half Marathon in one hour and 52 minutes (that is an 8:32 pace). That’s pretty good for a first-time runner. And I’m not fast, gifted or some natural athlete.

Next, I signed up for three more races, and applied and got into the Chicago Marathon in October. My goal for the Chicago Marathon is to qualify for the Boston Marathon.

I’ve got a complete accountability system in place to help and support me.

Plus, you may just need to google the information you need and join a group or find a partner. Regardless, don’t waste time. Do it!

Tip #3: I don’t believe in top 10 lists because people get overwhelmed and don’t get to any of them. So I am only going to give you two.

This is the best podcast I’ve listened to in 2017. It is with David Goggins who is a Navy Seal, Army Special Forces, and Air Force Tactical Air Controller Training. He has done the 10 hardest adventures races in the world. You’ll learn a lot from this. PLEASE NOTE: He swears quite a bit so if that is an issue, then please be advised.
Two versions:

https://findingmastery.net/david-goggins/ (This one focuses more on the psychology)
http://www.richroll.com/podcast/david-goggins/ (Better storyteller and slightly more entertaining)


Best book in 2017 (hands down): Brene Brown, Braving the Wilderness . Fantastic book on courage, leadership, business, creating community and overcoming obstacles in your life.

PS: You can download directly my TEDx team building game I created, Cards Against Mundanity. You can play it in groups of 4-12 at work or with your friends. The results are incredible. In 45 minutes, you’ll see results. One company and several groups increased revenue/production by more than 25% in a year due to it. It’s based on research on the #1 factor for high performing teams at Google. And also a research study where people built the closest relationship in their life in 45 minutes.

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#1 Best Podcast to Listen to From 2017

I love top 10 lists. But how many people actually listen to more than one or two. And when I put top 10 lists out I always receive emails that ask me, if I could only listen to one or two, which one would it be.

So here it is. The ONE podcast I would listen to from 2017 out of the 150+ podcasts I listened to.

It is from the only person who is a Navy Seal, Army Special Forces, and Air Force Controller School. He has run the top 10 adventure races in the world. He started off way overweight, and did it to raise money for fallen Navy Seals to send their children to college.

I GUARANTEE you that you will get a TON out of this podcast.

Listen, learn and put it into practice in 2018.

Here you go.

Cheers,
Jason

PS: You can download directly (no email required, right to my dropbox) my TEDx team building game I created, Cards Against Mundanity. You can play it in groups of 4-12 at work or with your friends. The results are incredible. In 45 minutes, you’ll see results. One company and several groups increased revenue/production by more than 25% in a year due to it. It’s basedonf research on the #1 factor for high performing teams at Google. And also a research study where people built the closest relationship in their life in 45 minutes.

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How to Handle Shame in the Workplace

We can’t ever get rid of shame, but can minimize the impact and potential damage it can have on our business relationships.

Shame, according to famous researcher Brene Brown, is “the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging – something we’ve experienced, done, or failed to do makes us unworthy of connection.”

What can do with it then? We can develop resilience to shame.

When you start to feel small and not enough, rather than get mad and angry and lash at coworkers, boss or clients or bringing yourself down with negative self-talk, tell yourself something different.

“I’m in a moment where I’m feeling shame. I refuse to talk, text or type what happened until I can process it more fully.” Take a walk around the block. Listen to some music. Read a chapter in a book. Go for a run. Meditate. Whatever it is, do that before you do anything else.

You’ll be able to process it more and ask yourself what triggered that feeling of shame. Remember, to talk to yourself like you would talk to someone you love and care about.

“Geeze, I really screwed that up. I need to circle back with some folks, be accountable and clean it up. And I need to give myself a break.”

You can also have a conversation about it with someone you trust. Shame can’t survive being spoken about. Shame lives in silence, secrets, and self-judgment. You destroy when you talk about it. Your courage speaking about it filters shame out your life.

That will help you figure out how to have a conversation about it.

You’ll find you’ll get into fewer conflicts and do much less damage to your relationships

We all struggle with shame, and most of us will continue to do that. But how you handle it is a different story. You can either own your story and write the next chapter or let the world around you write your story about you.

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Invest In Yourself Not To Grow More But To Contribute More

Had a great time on this podcast with Jamie Newman. It’s called Your Best Manager. You can click to listen or check out the show notes below to see what we discussed.

Jason Treu Interview Notes:

2:04 Jason Treu’s Career Path

Jason talks about how a simple interview question during his pursuit of a great job out of college led him to do something different… something that would lead to happiness.

4:07 The Trap of Success in Pursuing Happy

5:21 When you have success, how easy is it to take the next risk?

6:01 Don’t Successful People Have Resources?

7:11 “The problem is, we live in a world in which asking for help, investing in yourself, being curious and learning… are not qualities that are prized and that are not put up high enough today. With the millennial generation, it’s definitely changing at some level but it still is not significant. …All the skill sets you’re going to need to be successful are all learned behaviors and if you don’t have them today in your arsenal… that’s why 90% of the managers out there, probably even more than that, are operating at a very low level, in my opinion, for the success that they could be having.”

8:01 How important is the change you are looking for?

9:10 In order to change, there is a level of pain that you need to be in.

“There’s two places to come from when you want to change and that’s either; One, you’re in a massive level of pain or two, you’re in a generative state, meaning you want to generate some action and you are willing to do what it takes to get there because the path ahead is so compelling.”

12:05 “The key is, you’ve got to invest in yourself and be in a constant state of learning and being curious and not have an ego that says, ‘I know more than you do’”

12:25 Ego Is The Enemy, by Ryan Holiday

12:56 What if you’re not in pain? How do you find that reason to change?

Growth, “I want to do better” vs Contribution, “I want to make an impact”

16:15 The “What If” Project

What if I do?

What if I don’t?

17:10 It’s all about perspective

19:06 Having Resources VS Being Resourceful

“You have to ask for help when you need it, but you’ve also got to put money in the bank before you do it”

TIP: Become a connector and start making introductions within your network

21:39 “You’re one interaction away from getting everything you want, you just don’t know what interaction that is. The key is, you’ve got to leverage people because people are what make the world go round. It’s not business, it’s not money, it your social capital that is the most important capital on this earth.”

23:18 Vulnerability and Sharing Your Story

There is tremendous power to build relationships through sharing personal information

23:58 36 Questions to Bring You Closer Together (Study by Arthur Aron – Psychology Today Article)

26:39 “Belonging is in our DNA”

29:44 Two books related to networking and relationship building

Social Wealth: How to Build Extraordinary Relationships by Transforming the Way We Live, Love, Lead and Network, by Jason Treu

Never Eat Alone: And Other Sectrets to Success, One Relationships at a Time, by Keith Ferrazzi

30:16 Who was Jason Treu’s Best Manager?

Jason talks about the ownership he took to find opportunities to learn from many of his managers and pursue personal development through independent investment.

31:15 How do you really get to know people?

33:06 Soft Skills vs. Performance vs. IQ

35:09 Are you a memorable manager?

35:39 What’s Exciting Jason Treu today?

Jason will be speaking at TedX soon & “Cards of Connection”

Jason is also starting some new group coaching and starting another book

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The Power of Vulnerability

Love Brene Brown and this is an incredible TED Talk. It will help you be a better leader, manager and more successful in business.

I got it transcribed for people that prefer to read than watch or listen.

 

 

So, I’ll start with this. A couple years ago, an event planner called me because I was going to do a speaking event. She called, and she said, “I’m really struggling with how to write about you on the little flyer.” I thought, “Well, what’s the struggle?” She said, “Well, I saw you speak, and I’m going to call you a researcher, I think, but I’m afraid if I call you a researcher, no one will come, because they’ll think you’re boring and irrelevant.”

I said, “Okay.” She said, “But the thing I liked about your talk is you’re a storyteller. So I think what I’ll do is just call you a storyteller.” Of course, the academic, insecure part of me was like, “You’re going to call me a what?” She said, “I’m going to call you a storyteller.” I was like, “Why not magic pixie?” I was like, “Let me think about this for a second.” So, I tried to call deep on my courage. I thought, you know, I am a storyteller. I’m a qualitative researcher. I collect stories; that’s what I do. And maybe stories are just data with a soul. And maybe I’m just a storyteller. So I said, “You know what? Why don’t you just say I’m a researcher storyteller?” And she went, “Ha, ha. There’s no such thing.” So I’m a researcher-storyteller, and I’m going to talk to you today … We’re talking about expanding perception and so I want to talk to you and tell some stories about a piece of my research that fundamentally expanded my perception and really actually changed the way that I live and love and work and parent.

This is where my story starts. When I was a young researcher, a doctoral student, my first year, I had a research professor who said to us, “Here’s the thing, if you cannot measure it, it does not exist.” I thought he was just sweet-talking me. I was like, “Really?” and he was like, “Absolutely.” So you have to understand that I have a bachelor’s in social work, a master’s in social work, and I was getting my PhD in social work, so my entire academic career was surrounded by people who kind of believed in the life’s messy, love it and I’m more of the life’s messy, clean it up, organize it and put it into a bento box.

So to think that I had found my way, to found a career that takes me … Really, one of the big sayings in social work is, “Lean into the discomfort of the work.” I’m like, knock discomfort upside the head and move it over and get all A’s. That was my mantra. So I was very excited about this. So I thought, you know what, this is the career for me, because I am interested in some messy topics. But I want to be able to make them not messy. I want to understand them. I want to hack into these things that I know are important and lay the code out for everyone to see.

So where I started was with connection. Because, by the time you’re a social worker for 10 years, what you realize is that connection is why we’re here. It’s what gives purpose and meaning to our lives. This is what it’s all about. It doesn’t matter whether you talk to people who work in social justice, mental health and abuse and neglect, what we know is that connection, the ability to feel connected, is neuro-biologically that’s how we’re wired, it’s why we’re here. So I thought, you know what, I’m going to start with connection. Well, you know that situation where you get an evaluation from your boss, and she tells you 37 things that you do really awesome, and one “opportunity for growth?” All you can think about is that opportunity for growth. Right? Well, apparently this is the way my work went as well, because, when you ask people about love, they tell you about heartbreak. When you ask people about belonging, they’ll tell you their most excruciating experiences of being excluded. And when you ask people about connection, the stories they told me were about disconnection.

So very quickly, really about six weeks into this research, I ran into this unnamed thing that absolutely unraveled connection in a way that I didn’t understand or had never seen. So I pulled back out of the research and thought, I need to figure out what this is. It turned out to be shame. Shame is really easily understood as the fear of disconnection: Is there something about me that if other people know it or see it, that I won’t be worthy of connection? The things I can tell you about it. It’s universal; we all have it. The only people who don’t experience shame have no capacity for human empathy or connection. No one wants to talk about it, and the less you talk about it, the more you have it.

What underpinned this shame, this “I’m not good enough,” which, we all know that feeling: “I’m not blank enough. I’m not thin enough, rich enough, beautiful enough, smart enough, promoted enough.” The thing that underpinned this was excruciating vulnerability. This idea of, in order for connection to happen, we have to allow ourselves to be seen, really seen. And you know how I feel about vulnerability. I hate vulnerability. So I thought, this is my chance to beat it back with my measuring stick. I’m going in, I’m going to figure this stuff out, I’m going to spend a year, I’m going to totally deconstruct shame, I’m going to understand how vulnerability works, and I’m going to outsmart it.

So I was ready, and I was really excited. As you know, it’s not going to turn out well. You know this. So, I could tell you a lot about shame, but I’d have to borrow everyone else’s time. But here’s what I can tell you that it boils down to. This may be one of the most important things I’ve ever learned in the decade of doing this research. My one year turned into six years. Thousands of stories, hundreds of long interviews, focus groups. At one point, people were sending me journal pages and sending me their stories, thousands of pieces of data in six years. I kind of got a handle on it. I kind of understood this is what shame is, this is how it works.

I wrote a book, I published a theory, but something was not okay. What it was is that if I roughly took the people I interviewed and divided them into people who really have a sense of worthiness, that’s what this comes down to, a sense of worthiness, they have a strong sense of love and belonging and folks who struggle for it, and folks who are always wondering if they’re good enough. There was only one variable that separated the people who have a strong sense of love and belonging and the people who really struggle for it. That was, the people who have a strong sense of love and belonging believe they’re worthy of love and belonging. That’s it. They believe they’re worthy.

To me, the hard part of the one thing that keeps us out of connection is our fear that we’re not worthy of connection, was something that, personally and professionally, I felt like I needed to understand better. So what I did is I took all of the interviews where I saw worthiness, where I saw people living that way, and just looked at those. What do these people have in common? I have a slight office supply addiction, but that’s another talk. So I had a manila folder and I had a Sharpie, and I was like, what am I going to call this research? The first words that came to my mind were “whole-hearted.” These are whole-hearted people, living from this deep sense of worthiness. So I wrote at the top of the manila folder, and I started looking at the data.

In fact, I did it first in a four-day, very intensive data analysis, where I went back, pulled the interviews, the stories, pulled the incidents. What’s the theme? What’s the pattern? My husband left town with the kids because I always go into this Jackson Pollock crazy thing, where I’m just writing and just in my researcher mode. So here’s what I found. What they had in common was a sense of courage. I want to separate courage and bravery for you for a minute. Courage, the original definition of courage, when it first came into the English language, it’s from the Latin word cor, meaning heart and the original definition was to tell the story of who you are with your whole heart.

So these folks had, very simply, the courage to be imperfect. They had the compassion to be kind to themselves first and then to others, because, as it turns out, we can’t practice compassion with other people if we can’t treat ourselves kindly. The last was they had connection, and this was the hard part, as a result of authenticity. They were willing to let go of who they thought they should be in order to be who they were, which you have to absolutely do that for connection. The other thing that they had in common was this. They fully embraced vulnerability. They believed that what made them vulnerable made them beautiful.

They didn’t talk about vulnerability being comfortable, nor did they really talk about it being excruciating, as I had heard it earlier in the shame interviewing. They just talked about it being necessary. They talked about the willingness to say I love you first, the willingness to do something where there are no guarantees, the willingness to breathe through waiting for the doctor to call after your mammogram. They’re willing to invest in a relationship that may or may not work out. They thought this was fundamental. I personally thought it was betrayal. I could not believe I had pledged allegiance to research, where our job … The definition of research is to control and predict, to study phenomena for the explicit reason to control and predict. Now my mission to control and predict had turned up the answer that the way to live is with vulnerability and to stop controlling and predicting.

This led to a little breakdown, which actually looked more like this. It did. It led to … I call it a breakdown; my therapist calls it a spiritual awakening. Spiritual awakening sounds better than breakdown, but I assure you, it was a breakdown. I had to put my data away and go find a therapist. Let me tell you something. You know who you are when you call your friends and say, “I think I need to see somebody. Do you have any recommendations?” Because about five of my friends were like, “Woo, I wouldn’t want to be your therapist.”

I was like, “What does that mean?” They’re like, “I’m just saying, you know. Don’t bring your measuring stick.” I was like, “Okay.” So I found a therapist. My first meeting with her, Diana, I brought in my list of the way the whole-hearted live, and I sat down. She said, “How are you?” I said, “I’m great. I’m okay.” She said, “What’s going on?” This is a therapist who sees therapists, because we have to go to those, because their BS meters are good.

So I said, “Here’s the thing, I’m struggling.” She said, “What’s the struggle?” I said, “Well, I have a vulnerability issue. I know that vulnerability is the core of shame and fear and our struggle for worthiness, but it appears that it’s also the birthplace of joy, of creativity, of belonging, of love. I think I have a problem, and I need some help.” I said, “But here’s the thing. No family stuff, no childhood shit. I just need some strategies.” Thank you. So she goes like this. Then I said, “It’s bad, right?” She said, “It’s neither good nor bad.” It just is what it is.” I said, “Oh my God, this is going to suck. It did, and it didn’t.

It took about a year. You know how there are people that when they realize that vulnerability and tenderness are important, that they surrender and walk into it. A, that’s not me. B, I don’t even hang out with people like that. For me, it was a yearlong street fight. It was a slug fest. Vulnerability pushed, I pushed back. I lost the fight, but probably won my life back. So then I went back into the research and spent the next couple of years really trying to understand what they, the whole-hearted, what choices they were making, and what we are doing with vulnerability. Why do we struggle with it so much? Am I alone in struggling with vulnerability? No. So this is what I learned.

We numb vulnerability. When we’re waiting for the call … It was funny, I sent something out on Twitter and on Facebook that says, “How would you define vulnerability? What makes you feel vulnerable?” Within an hour and a half, I had 150 responses. Because I wanted to know what’s out there. Having to ask my husband for help because I’m sick, and we’re newly married; initiating sex with my husband; initiating sex with my wife; being turned down; asking someone out; waiting for the doctor to call back; getting laid off; laying off people. This is the world we live in. We live in a vulnerable world. One of the ways we deal with it is we numb vulnerability. I think there’s evidence, and it’s not the only reason this evidence exists, but I think that it’s a huge cause. We are the most in-debt, obese, addicted and medicated adult cohort in US history.

The problem is, and I learned this from the research, that you cannot selectively numb emotion. You can’t say, here’s the bad stuff, here’s vulnerability, here’s grief, here’s shame, here’s fear, here’s disappointment. I don’t want to feel these. I’m going to have a couple of beers and a banana nut muffin. I don’t want to feel these. I know that’s knowing laughter. I hack into your lives for a living. I know that’s, God. You can’t numb those hard feelings without numbing the other affects, our emotions. You cannot selectively numb. So when we numb those, we numb joy, we numb gratitude, we numb happiness.

Then, we are miserable, and we are looking for purpose and meaning, and then we feel vulnerable, so then we have a couple of beers and a banana nut muffin. It becomes this dangerous cycle. One of the things that I think we need to think about is why and how we numb. And it doesn’t just have to be addiction. The other thing we do is we make everything that’s uncertain certain. Religion has gone from a belief in faith and mystery to certainty. “I’m right, you’re wrong. Shut up.” That’s it. Just certain. The more afraid we are, the more vulnerable we are, the more afraid we are. This is what politics looks like today. There’s no discourse anymore. There’s no conversation. There’s just blame. You know how blame is described in the research? A way to discharge pain and discomfort.

We perfect. If there’s anyone who wants their life to look like this, it would be me. But it doesn’t work, because what we do is we take fat from our butts and put it in our cheeks. Which just, I hope in 100 years, people will look back and go, “Wow.” We perfect, most dangerously, our children. Let me tell you what we think about children. They’re hardwired for struggle when they get here. When you hold those perfect little babies in your hand, our job is not to say, “Look at her, she’s perfect. My job is just to keep her perfect. Make sure she makes the tennis team by fifth grade and Yale by seventh.” That’s not our job. Our job is to look and say, “You know what? You’re imperfect, and you’re wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging.” That’s our job.

Show me a generation of kids raised like that, and we’ll end the problems, I think, that we see today. We pretend that what we do doesn’t have an effect on people. We do that in our personal lives. We do that corporate, whether it’s a bailout, an oil spill, a recall. We pretend like what we’re doing doesn’t have a huge impact on other people. I would say to companies, this is not our first rodeo, people. We just need you to be authentic and real and say, “We’re sorry. We’ll fix it.” But there’s another way, and I’ll leave you with this. This is what I have found.

To let ourselves be seen, deeply seen, vulnerably seen, to love with our whole hearts, even though there’s no guarantee. That’s really hard, and I can tell you as a parent, that’s excruciatingly difficult. To practice gratitude and joy in those moments of terror, when we’re wondering, “Can I love you this much? Can I believe in this this passionately? Can I be this fierce about this?” just to be able to stop and, instead of catastrophizing what might happen, to say, “I’m just so grateful, because to feel this vulnerable means I’m alive.”

The last, which I think is probably the most important, is to believe that we’re enough. Because when we work from a place, I believe, that says, “I’m enough,” then we stop screaming and start listening. We’re kinder and gentler to the people around us, and we’re kinder and gentler to ourselves. That’s all I have. Thank you.

The post The Power of Vulnerability appeared first on Jason Treu Executive Coaching.

How to Not Lose Money in Business Partnerships

I rarely share podcast episodes I am on. This one I share personal stories that affected me and so do the podcast show hosts (i.e. their marriages). You can “scan” the show notes below to check it out. (listen here: http://howtolosemoney.com/episodes/jason-treu/). We got into some “meaty” business, personal and psychological challenges people face. Definitely one of the best podcasts I have been on.


 


Time Stamped Show Notes


 


[1:56] When in a partnership one side evolves in another direction that means it won’t work in the long term. Or when one side does the work and the other cashes the checks.


 


[4:20] While researching for his TEDx speech, Jason came up with a way to create friendships and build a better teamwork that maximized performance with a game called Cards Against Mundanity.


 


[6:30] What the game achieved was the psychological safety ability to trust, to descend and be able to come back up again. Something not possible while keeping all relationships digital.


 


[10:00] Take care in the engagement with someone and understand their history and stories and their struggle. Communication is key.


 


[11:14] After helping two engineers flourish socially, Jason began searching for a way to help more people and found someone with a lifestyle coaching business.


 


[13:12] His motivation was higher than the partner’s willingness to work, he wouldn’t make the meetings with the people at larger markets.


 


[14:50] Doing a lot of work and not moving forward, and having a narcissistic sociopath as a partner, clouded Jason’s own judgment. Until he found out that the partner wasn’t sending him the money he was supposed to.


 


[17:49] Having planned his exit, Jason sued his partner but in the end got around 10 cents to the dollar back.


 


[23:00] The lawsuit was more about letting the partner know that he will not get away that easily.


 


[24:49] You can’t appreciate the effort and what it means to put it all in until you’ve been there as an entrepreneur. Trust your gut.


 


[27:20] Failing Forward Segment


 


What is the bottom line reason of this failure? – “I put myself in a position where I allowed myself to be taken advantage of and I came across exactly the right person who was able to do that and manipulate me.”


 


What is the single most important lesson you learned from this? – “Believe in yourself and take the leap of faith and it has to be a leap of faith you don’t know where the landing is.”


 


What are the major ways you protect yourself from future failures? – “If I do this business and it doesn’t work out at any point am I going to be ok with not having the revenue, with not having it work out? And if my answer is yes then I’ll do it, if my answer is no then I wouldn’t go forward.”


 


Who do you turn to when you need help? – “Every situation is going to need a different person and so I have a pretty large network of people.”


 


What advice would you give to someone in a similar position? – “What’s your exit strategy and how are you going to evolve moving forward from that and have that fully planned before you have this discussion.”


 


[37:43] If you’re some in a director level or above, go to http://www.jasontreu.com/ to get in touch with Jason and where you can listen to his podcast Executive Breakthroughs


 


[40:42] Jason’s final thought: “Wherever you’re at right now get yourself in a position where you start pushing all your chips in the middle because I think you learn the most from what you’re capable of doing when you don’t have a safety net.”


 


Resources Mentioned:


 


Jason Treu is an executive coach. He helps individuals and teams maximize their performance and fulfill their leadership potential. He is the author of the best seller, Social Wealth, the how-to-guide on building professional relationships.


 


He is the creator of the ultimate team building game, cards against mundanity, that he debuted at TEDxWilmington in August. He also has a podcast, Executive Breakthroughs, where he interviews trailblazing executives and entrepreneurs to share their insights, breakdowns, and breakthroughs.


 


TEDx Talk – Jason’s TEDx talk where he shares his incredible team building game Cards Against Mundanity. (http://www.cardsagainstmundanity)


 


Social Wealth on Amazon – Social Wealth will give you the blueprint and action steps you’ve been looking for to achieve the success you desire and deserve.

The post How to Not Lose Money in Business Partnerships appeared first on Jason Treu Executive Coaching.

Stefania Mallett | When You Cross Fearlessness & Insanely Helpfulness (Episode 3)

Stefania Mallett | When You Cross Fearlessness & Insanely Helpfulness (Episode 3)

Stefania Mallet (@StefaniaMallett) is the CEO and co-founder of ezCater, one of Boston’s hottest technology startups. She was just named . She has spent over 25 years building and growing technology-enabled companies that solve real business problems. Stefania co-founded and successfully sold InSite Marketing Technology (now NASDAQ: KANA). Her tenure at National Logistics Management (a broker for $225M in transportation services) brought NLM to profitability for the first time in 4 years. At IntraNet (now NASDAQ:TSAI), Stefania revamped the firm and vaulted it to #1 in its market, a position it has maintained for 15+ years. Stefania also operates as a Director and advisor to many for-profit and non-profit firms. She has a BS and an MS from MIT.

“ I grew up with two messages. Be a citizen of the world and learn as much as you. And you don’t deserve to live (which wasn’t explicitly said). That combination was quite confusing to me. Took me a while to understand the full effect that had one me. ” – Stefania Mallett

“We all are on a journey to be ourselves.” –Stefania Mallett

“You need to understand what motivates others. Reading people is a critical business and life skill.” –Stefania Mallett

“I shut down my company on Thursday, had some cocktails, and then launched ezCater on Monday.” –Stefania Mallett

The Cheat Sheet:


Why you should be asking yourself is my company’s solution or product a “painkiller” or a “vitamin”?




When do you bootstrap versus take outside capital?




What are the three main reasons people become entrepreneurs and why does that matter?




What does your last company’s success or failure mean to for your next venture?




What matters more the people or ideas or both?




What are the three core values in ezCater’s culture that propels the business?




How do you become “fearless” and learn to take a leap of faith when you are scared?




How do your emotions play into your leadership ability?




And so much more…



















https://dts.podtrac.com/redirect.mp3/audio.simplecast.com/77643.mp3





Listen & Subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Simplecast | (Direct Download Episode Here)





Scroll down more for a summary, show transcription, resources and more.

“(When you face great adversity or failure) You’ve got to just get back up and pick yourself up. You can’t assume that because one business didn’t work the next one is not going to work. You just think, I’m playing the numbers game My life is my portfolio and I just kind of got to keep trying, keep trying, to keep trying.” This philosophy, persistence, and self-awareness are what has propelled Stefania’s career. It’s what makes her successful, caring, fearless and able to internalize the lessons she learns along the way.

Stefania joins us today to talk about her journey and share the valuable lessons she has learned in leading and architecting businesses. She shares her breakthroughs, breakdowns, and lessons you can walk away using on your journey. Listen, learn, laugh, and enjoy!

Show Transcript

[Start of Transcript]

Jason: Welcome to another episode of Executive breakthroughs, I have a fantastic guest for you today and you’re going to learn a lot of insights and wonderful information, Stefania who is the CEO of eZcater and it’s a very interesting path she has traveled on and so I want to start off from the beginning because one of the quotes or things I just heard you talk about is that growing up you grew up in a difficult family. I just want to find out some of the people back around where people came from because easier to understand their journey. So, what does that mean, how was growing up?

Stefania: I grew up in a family that sent two messages at the same time. I guess everybody gets conflicting messages one of them is, you’re a citizen of the world there’s a lot of interesting stuff out there you should be out there figuring out how to learn as much as you can do as much as you can. The other message was but you don’t deserve to live and that combination was kind of confusing for me; took me a long time to realize the drag effect that you don’t deserve to live message which of course was never explicitly said had on me.

Jason: How did that play out though because I’m trying to get people like what things happen that told you that…

Stefania: It takes a lot to explain to one game from basically parents who, it was a strong message to turns out there were four us as adults, there was a moment where we all realized that you know we pretty much all came away with that message which is not something that my parents woke up everyday wanting to convey but that right what we got.

Jason: Was a challenging time a girl child with any other people influence you or advance on your path forward?

Stefania: I tell you the biggest thing was when I got out of the house and this exactly exemplifies the conflict. My mother who was a difficult woman, my mother is the one who figured out that I needed to go to MIT and she got me and I mean she arranged it that I applied and I got in and she arranged that I applied I got in and then, the minute I got there and was free of my family the same family that had propelled me into MIT, that was when I really started to become a healthier person from there on.

Jason: It forced on around their own letterhead my hands

Stefania: Got out from under there and flourished on my own.

Jason: What about MIT sort of helped you?

Stefania: MIT teaches everybody how to solve problems, like really teaches you how to use your brain and how to use everything you know and everything you can interpolate, extrapolate from what you know to solve problems. It also has an attitude which I would never have known articulated this way but now, this is a phrase we use here at the it has that attitude of well just try it, I don’t know what not sure if it would work but try it and the just try it.

Jason: Implemented rather than people a lot of times if you notice talking about I just I don’t know start believing it or a yeah and pivot as you go along.

Stefania: I think Engineers have courage because there’s this sense of like I can fix this, I can make something, I can build something, and so that strength and courage permeates MIT.

Jason: So, solving problems in Engineering technical is part of who you are as your [DNA] you figured out that when you’re in MIT or you know that ahead of time where do you figure that along the path?

Stefania: I would give my parents credit for having figured out that I was the kid do type who thought you should be able to make something and who had a I had a certain science and math bent got it and we grew up in Newton which is a suburb or you know not far from Cambridge and MIT My father went to the MIT of Switzerland, my father’s Italian but he went to the MIT of Switzerland and I was the kid most like him and so I think that was the natural path.

Jason: So, how do you find yourself in this entrepreneurial path like where did you come to get your hitch, and where you know your start.

Stefania: I think that entrepreneurs come in three camps. I think there’s the ones who want to prove something to a parent usually to their father [yes]. There’s the ones who need to prove to themselves it’s a smaller group than the first group that needs to prove something to the parents and then there’s another group which is pretty healthy sized which is, I am so sick of working for other people. I just want to quote work for myself. You work for your customers, you work for your Employees, you work for your investors but it feels somehow like you’re working for yourself and I was one of those. It took me 20years of working for other people’s companies before I finally was able to launch.

Jason: What was the event that pushed you finally down this path?

Stefania: so, I am an operating Exec. I’m not the idea person, I’m the one that idea people turn to say can you build this company? I have an idea for a product or you build a company around it. And in 1997, I was approached by or late 1996 I guess, I was approached by IDEA people who didn’t want to quit their day jobs before one of this idea to see the light of day and so they asked me if I would do that and I was in a job where I was kind of sick of it was time for change anyway and I said Sure; why don’t I give it a shot.

Jason: So, what company was that?

Stefania: It’s a company called Insight Marketing Technology, OK We sold that one for 14X. Some investors did better than 14X.

Jason: And it was in a very short period of time right a couple of years?

Stefania: Well 1997, I think we sold it around 2000-2001, I don’t remember, it was that one of them was during the Internet bubble right was a lot of fun people who say the Internet bubble was the era of silliness and we all should have done that they’re like, we had a great time you know great time we’ve all had a great time all of us.

Jason: That was pretty incredible that you got the company interjectory one when you went in there and what is it that you needed to do that wasn’t being done at the time?

Stefania: This was in the early days of the Web; the Web was still the wild west. We helped companies who were just moving into e-commerce create virtual sales people, software that made you feel like you were being helped in a situation and now yes to the best in-store situation you know you walk into a store and you find a salesperson actually knows this is doing it is dispassionate in their advice to you and gives you real help in making your decision, we created a virtual version of that and it made everybody happy, we tripled conversion rates, it was a big deal. It’s a great company I’m working right now technology so familiar with Con us on well yeah then we go above a so yes I have something that is there and then count it in the West Coast.

Jason: So, we wanted this whole process and then you were successful at it and then you started the next venture which was something different so what did you do?

Stefania: Well you ruined once you’ve done, that it’s hard to go back and work for some big company again. I love big companies a lot of strength, a lot of resources in big companies but I found that I like the smaller scenario where what you do has such a huge impact. Your mistakes have much bigger effect; yet your success is so much bigger make the things you did right have much bigger effect. So, I bounced around a bit helping other people I am an operate Exec right, so I was helping other people run their companies or take their companies to the next level people who were plateaued and needed to go to the next level, people who were who weren’t sure how far whether their idea had legs I was helping them and then. In 2004, I got involved with the company that was the precursor of this one. Briscoe Rogers is my co-founder here was the founder of the previous company. He’s an idea guy and he was looking for an operating Exec to help him take his idea forward and honestly at first, I didn’t want to work for the company at first I thought it oh sure problems that are interesting I just don’t know but he kept suggesting people for Him to hire and he kept hiring them and then I thought Oh my friends work there may be better just go work there and so I went.

Jason: Was this preferred time?

Stefania: Preferred time and so he wanted to do for time help pharmaceutical company sales reps get in front of the Doctors. But that’s a very broken dynamic and yes it is happy with the way that it works and we tried to inject sanity and mutual respect into that process and we got to where a third of all the pharm reps in the country were using us for at least some of their visits to some of the doctors that was really cool but still…

Jason: What was the resistance? People paying?

Stefania: The resistance was the pharma firms were kind of torn like well you’re either helping me or you’re getting between me and my customer I can’t decide and we figured out. The cases where people adopted us and felt that was really valuable that worked extremely well but there was the resistance like well are you actually going to slow down my excess or are you helping my access and our investors were at a different point in their funds where they ran out of interest, they didn’t have any more cash to put into the company. So, we shut the thing down. that was pretty discouraging

Jason: But what lesson that you were a man I want to get done how you got to where you are right now what lesson what lesson did you learn at that point you know one number one business that you sold successfully No I didn’t and as well what things did you take away from both experiences moving forward that you were

Stefania: Persistence is important that luck here is part of the game. You’ve got to just get back up pick yourself up and keep going you can’t assume because one of them works and the next one didn’t you can assume because one of the work the next one is going to work and you can’t assume because [a lot of people do] I know but you also can’t assume that because one of them didn’t work the next one is not going to work. You just think, I’m playing the numbers game. My life is my portfolio and I just kind of got to keep trying, keep trying, to keep trying. what in life have I done where every single time I touched some process it worked, oh it’s the same thing. I had an investor the day that we shut that company Preferred Time down. I called all the investors and it was no surprise to them all the employees all the investors knew that it was a very good likelihood that indeed we would have to shut this thing down and when the white knight prospect of investors didn’t materialize, we close that down pretty quickly. And I called the investors to say look I’m sorry I lost your money, this is the way the game is played I’m thinking this but still I felt terrible and the 4th or 5th guy whom I called said That’s OK Stefania, I’ll do whatever you and Briscoe are going to do next. I’ll invest in whatever you want.

Jason: But why do you think you do next he said that I saw you mention that I said

Stefania: Absolutely blew my mind and I remember still very clearly I remember feeling this weight come off my shoulders and he said to me well I was silent because I was feeling the weight, he said What is that next thing by the way and that’s when I realized people really invest in people more than the idea that I was heard people say an A-idea with a B-team is not as good as B-idea with an A-team that the team is what matters and clearly we were being respected for what we had accomplished even though the company was not successful.

Jason: The relationships also that you built with all of these people that want a better

Stefania: I think relationship mattered but I think it was more the way they all served how we performed OK. it’s not like we were best buddies and that they would have sold their first bond to fund our next come, [Got it] was more that they saw that we had performed as well as well as we could and how we had before was pretty reasonable. and the message that I took away from that was at that moment he reminded me of failure is the deal for an entrepreneur it’s OK failure is part of the game. I had to sort of know that intellectually but when he said it in those words emotionally I resurrected that concept of oh yeah, it’s OK it’s OK when it happened and I moved all had to be the joke but it’s actually not a joke is that you shut those things down the Thursday like I got drunk Oh we can do it on Monday we launch this thing. You know take yourself back up.

Jason: What do you think if you would have gotten away with it [part of the process] and you made peace with what had happened recently. You know I was reading somewhere that the arc of being a successful entrepreneur or is really more about knowing when to kill ideas and move forward and I’m wondering if you would have had that white knight come in would you have can would have continued? Would  you have continued on or not I mean I know, that a hypothetic question.

Stefania: It’s I’m a little cut and [yeah[ I mean that certainly was what we’re looking for the white knight for we certainly thought the business had legs in hindsight I see that it was a tough business, a really tough business Iine a way much tougher than the one we’re in now the one we’re in now, The difference is that people were clamoring for the kind of assistance [that Easy cater] provides in the in preferred time, it’s like almost every other business I’ve ever worked for, there was a need but people aren’t clamoring for a solution to that need.

Jason: There’s not massive pain.  

Stefania: There’s pain but it wasn’t such a strong pain there were all desperate for it and for a solution to that pain and so many companies are built quite successfully convincing us that the pain is really great and that we should buy this.

Jason: Yes, and instead of solving that the pain is there now because you found that right idea you found in the business you have now in the preferred time.

Stefania: We had literally thousands of people attempting to place orders, literally thousands of times we were asked, can you make the food appear for this business meeting, and we thought two things, we thought what we can bootstrap this thing and it’s a real need. So, let’s figure out how to do that. And so, we did we launched the thing again out of our house.

Jason: And you did in our Monday. So, I mean how did you how did most people take their wounds for a little while I know you’ve had that conversation the sense a very was that really just for you was that just a simple, getting the weight off your back?

Stefania: I think when you went over there a bit was that was it continue to work OK but also admittedly it was the beginning of summer and with that summer, we worked but we didn’t work balls to the wall 24hours a day over we did I know we were waiting to try to released software we’re waiting to try to have all the pieces lined up and I would say I work probably 30hours a week that first summer OK so I did take some time to just kick back a bit

Jason: And you had investors lined up or people that would give you money?

Stefania: Yes, we did but it was very small money you know Briscoe and I each put in, I don’t know I think together we put in $25,000 or something $22,000 and we raised $100,000 more from people like this investor who said I’ll put in money, we didn’t pay ourselves the first year or more of their surroundings model really bootstrapped. I remember the discussion about when winter came and we were still working in my house I said you know if I went to a job I would heat the house during the day I have a timer thermostat to be charged the company the heat bill and we decided that yes I could charge the company in the heat bill that was. For the part of the week for 40hours of the week that Monday-Friday, 9-5, If yes so we were back kind of careful about using the money we didn’t feather our own mess with it at all.

Jason: there are two schools of thoughts and then a bootstrapping it. And then there are people that are taking L-side capital, like how do you view that starting a company from infancy point of view because people probably listen to this and you know we have successful people.

Stefania: Your idea OK you know if you’re building a drug you need huge amount of money and bootstrapping is not an option. If you’re building a service, if you’re building a consulting service, if you’re doing software for hire, you probably can bootstrap that and then all the other ideas are somewhere in between on that spectrum. I think that it’s wise to not have a lot of money early on because it makes you be really creative and clever about what you’re about how to accomplish what you need to accomplish and it makes you be pretty ruthless about what’s important to work on first and I think that gives you a sharpened focus. So, I think never not having too much money is a good move at every stage of the company, and we’ve always raised only as much money as we knew what to do with we think that’s a wise discipline. I think also. Frugality breeds creativity, resourcefulness and I think that’s helpful I think it helps to be a little scared all the time I. Think that’s sharpens of the senses, there is a motivator.

Jason: Fear is a motivator.

Stefania: You do if you’re too much like everything else if you sue much then you end up unable to get out don’t get overwhelmed and you can’t really try anything in hindsight, I think we bootstrap for about a year too long. I think we were we could have brought in bigger money earlier but boy that day we brought in the big money, I mean to us at first $1million dollars raised it once was big money and then we raised $2-million at once it seemed like incredible and then $3million at once and then we raised $13million at once and while we could try a lot of experiments at that point and going fast, which is what with enough money you can move faster which was Hope money letting you move fast gives you a quicker learning cycles because that’s all this is about yes constantly learning and learning and learning and doing incorporate learning said moving quickly money helps you do that move when you’re ready when your ready money helps you move faster to get to be ready and yeah you can just everything the way in the beginning and people in place and of people that you can bring in more good people.

Jason: So, what did you want about hiring people because I’m interested in you know on Company Number three how has your hiring process or philosophy changed over time and what do you learn that’s kind of the secret source to finding the right people.

Stefania: so, I have over time I think I’ve developed my gut pretty well I think the big change is I try to listen one hundred percent to my God. To the collective guts of all the people who interview, I do not do the interviewing alone I don’t interview every day I don’t if I don’t even interview all the employees anymore I have people who have trained their guts that we have a group consensus and if someone if anybody in the group says I think so this is not like somebody that makes me go yes this is our kind of person and they have the skills, then we don’t hire you’ve got to have somebody in the group is really negative on an individual if the majority opinion is that there’s very strong Yeah this look oh my God this is a really a real keeper that we don’t hire and we’ve hired pretty well.

Jason: So how do you want to trust your gut because a lot of people get different and basically look at the data you know look I’m sorry they’re right people want that right also the godson right so how did you measure it was there any is there anything that happened that got this moment that you reflect on that sort of taught you to trust in yourself more.

Stefania: One of the great advantages of growing up in a difficult situation is that you learn to read the tea leaves you learn to be very sensitive to nuance to understand what’s really motivating this person because in my family if you didn’t figure out what was motivating your parents. You were going to die, not literally but it certainly felt like it yeah and so you learned to be pretty attuned to and to nuances of situations of human beings. Harnessing that has been very helpful you harness to understand how you couldn’t treat a customer really well, you harness that to figure out how you can be hire people well, so see reading people as a life skill. Everybody can develop it but if you develop it under fear of death when you were little you probably developed greater probably got a faster you know I need to tell you that out and just look at your time.

Jason: so, what do you want also a building culture, like what does culture mean to you because I feel like that’s a lot of work for some people but I’m seeing a lot more and a lot more people are really putting a lot more emphasis on that now building process and in the D.N.A. of the company culture matters hugely I mean everybody has one I remember just recently I was at an event where somebody said you know we don’t think we had a culture we went offline for a couple days and we decided what our culture would be I said well you actually have a culture, you always have a culture you could go outside and decide what you want to change it to if you don’t like the one you have but you’ve got a culture ours is pretty intentional from the start. I have cared about and Briscoe my co-founder has completely supported has agreed with he cares about the same things I cared about transparency about. Try it you know fearlessness let’s just try stuff and honestly he’s more Felix than I to his He’s amazing you guys like how hard can it be and I’ve been through the more cautious voice and I think the combination has helped us and I’ve become more and more brave over time following this guy around the bike he still lived let’s keep trying more things so transparency, fearlessness and Being insanely helpful to each other to our customers, to our caterers were two sided marketplace and so we need to support both sides equally well you can’t be emotionally available to be that supportive to your customers and your business partners if you’re not being well treated so being insanely helpful to our employees and each of us to each other and I to each of them that’s of course tenet of our culture too. I didn’t wake up one morning saying these are the three things I just that’s the way I behave and every year as we brought in more employees we realized we had to articulate more clearly that these are the behaviors and we’ve kind of distilled it to those three. Because that’s genuinely who we are and because it helps to say it out loud.

Jason: Got it, what 3-things?

Stefania: Transparency, fearlessness insane helpfulness [OK[ if you put those together, you know insane helpfulness is another phrase for just really nice to each other. In a proactive in a thoughtful way, fearlessness is try it, try it and track it. Because if you track it then you figure out whether that was a good thing to try whether time to change it pivot just do more of it and tracking it also improves the sense of psychological safety, it is my idea, I don’t play the founder card very often it isn’t that I yell loudly it’s that the data said this was a good idea of the data said this was not a good idea and that doesn’t matter whose idea was let’s keep going to do something else. So, transparency fearlessness with data to back it up and, it was my third one here there’s transparency, fearlessness and helpfulness yeah, those are my three.

Jason: So, the other part about you meeting you in just wondering about your past, I can see that probably caring and empathy is a huge piece of who you are and so I wonder how that’s reflected in the culture because I find it so I can psychological safety that’s a key component of making that…

Stefania: It’s true, I heard of it so I think I can people I like people who think coming out of a difficult time I know you can’t tell you that you can’t kill things that people are born with I was born industrious, I was born liking people, I was born optimistic and you can’t kill that in people. I don’t think you could borrow it but you can’t eventually it comes back and I actually come back out I’ve spent my whole life trying to become more and more myself I think we’re all on a journey to being ourselves Yes and it turns out myself is industrious and caring and genuinely people and optimistic so everybody who works here. If the people who are successful here are people who are like that.

Jason: Everyone is also right themselves out there somewhere they don’t are they are they don’t want to join you can join every C.E.O. has their own their own culture, has their own personal style, their own personal sense and you either match with that or not. I remember a long time ago, the first time I inherited a group I realized, wow it’s a very good manager who could manage a group and Harrah’s as opposed to a group that they’ve built that have selected Yes and that they have selected for themselves so that’s a real skill.

Jason: So how do you know working with a co-founder because I know you’ve got a very close relationship how do you resolve conflicts with a lot of people who start a business together one of the things that implode them is the people that found the business end up either buying one or out or they just can’t work gather and the business sinks I know

Stefania: My job is that the company’s founder on the rocks of the founders are going with each other yes. We’ve been, we’ve done really well we are this is the third year we’ve been on together actually. I got involved he is the idea guy had helped found a company with a different co-founder and they were running into some trouble and they and one of their investors said you need to upgrade here I’m a little further along in my career the Briscoe was not that much further but further and so, I came in and tried to help with that one we didn’t manage to succeed in saving that company but we discovered that we have complimentary skill sets and we love the same values. We have different angles, and we solve the same problems from different angles and they get their complimentary we have nothing to do with each other outside of work and we joke about it if we ever talk politics or get into trouble but it turns out. I’ve known the guy longer than I’ve known my husband I mean yes, I’m on my second husband so I’ve known him longer than know my husband he’s known me longer than he’s known his wife. We are the lucky combination of sufficiently different that you have two brains working on things and sufficiently the same. That we don’t get into fatal fights, we’ve certainly had disagreements but we’re both Engineers we both go back to the data and the data has resulted a lot of issues it was a great day when we had enough volume going through the system that we could just test it we didn’t have to argue about like should the button be blue or should it be red and we could just test it and the market was said one of them was a better color and the breadth of the best thing was neither Briscoe or I could remember was the blue button your idea or bad idea; because neither of us cares either of us hold quite so easy go in as even you go to drain checking a good yeah we’re both pretty separated from our egos.

Jason: So, what do you think makes a great leader from a good leader where you think separates out as you look at yourself and other people I mean what is it that you would hold out there as well as a cleaner ships’ the key for getting this thing where you want to go yeah.

Stefania: I think there are two things I would say matter and that’s probably a fifty but I’ll pick two one is, leadership is being able to stand back and see the bigger picture, see I always use this phrase with my people I say look pull the lens back, now as your become a more senior manager pull the lens farther back the more senior you are the more you should pull the lens farther back with your manager leader pull the lens farther back so that you can see the bigger picture see more where we’re going think about the more strategic dimension that’s one thing. And that’s kind of more on the skills level. I guess on the there’s an emotional dimension too. I think leaders really care about people I think. The company isn’t what matters, the people that are and yet you have the people matter in order to build a company because the company is this enabler or for people to get to a better place the work is enabling and I think giving people better work to do giving people jobs they really want to have is a powerful, Powerful force it’s what I actually care about the most, I think all work done well is magnificent. It doesn’t matter if you’re flipping burgers if you do it well it’s magnificent and is terrifically interesting do whatever you’re doing well and it becomes terrifically interesting and so I think a leader embodies that with him in trying to  articulate what excellence looks like and helping people get to that excellence.

Jason: So, last question for you would something that you struggle when you’re trying to get better and you know as far as being a leader you know what are your views or are you now sort of learning or trying to figure out to take it to next level because obviously there’s a lot of things you’re doing excellent training but we’re always as you know pulling leaders that are doing that we’re now in a learning and grow and trying to get better or worse so we’re because people always want to know that they see the highlights but I was like I don’t know what they’re weeks but what are the I know well but I think more of just the things that you’re learning a lot about yourself and growing because it’s evolution is an important part of…

Stefania: fearlessness you know I talk about transparency I’m pretty good at that talked about insane helpfulness I’m pretty good at that the fearlessness I continually working on that, I find myself continually having to say no you stretch higher, go farther you can do bigger, bigger or pull my own lens back so that’s the one that I think of those three that I work on the most. I look very confident and I can talk very confidently but then it really, I’m like to go with. And that and then I pull yourself together well but then I go up there and I get I look really confident I do really big stuff and thinking oh my God do them figure that out yet how do you know I have imposter syndrome like everybody else does that every leader has it so what is it.

Jason: what do you do to help yourself make that leap of faith in order to be more fearless is there something that you think in your head or something that you do?

Stefania: There’s two things one is a use data I think. You have had a lot of success up to this moment yeah, I think you can you know it look at everybody else they’ve all fallen down a few times and they’ve done OK if you’ve gotten here and if they did that, why can’t you? So, use the data of other people’s experiences as well as my own life history. And the other thing is. This is something I get it from my co-founder. Briscoe Rogers has the opposite of he doesn’t think you deserve to live Briscoe has a core that the lighter uses you know that that clown that you got when you were a kid that you can whack it no matter what happened to bounce back up Briscoe’s like unshakable in his core and I thought I want to be like that so I watch, I watch him I think unshakable Core, you can do it and shakable core is not the only one of my life that I’ve seen like that but I see him every day, so it’s a good example to Reminder for a constant reminder.

Jason: Wonderful thank you for joining us today and it’s another new show of executive breakthroughs and we had a lot of insights, a lot of very excellent show today and thanks for coming.

Stefania: Thank you it’s great to be here thanks a lot.

[End of Transcript]

In This Episode:

The impact her parents had on her
How going to MIT was a turning point for her & what was the biggest lesson she learned (that will help you!)
Why the core values of transparency, fearlessness, and being insanely helpful drive their culture and success
How can you learn from your failures? (She gives an example from her company)
Why building relationships it’s essential to your success
What is ezCater’s driving motivator in hiring
Why frugality breeds resourcefulness
Why you should leave perfectionism outside the door and instead look to the data and pivot based on experience
What is leadership
What skill set is Stefania trying to develop more of and how it can help you

Couple Key Takeaways (pre-interview)

Before the interview, we discussed a few ideas and I wanted to share them with you because they can make a big impact in your business.  

(On Culture #1): We made the choice from the start to deliberately build a culture of insane helpfulness. I can’t say that we use that phrase. We didn’t articulate that into those two words. We focused on providing fantastic customer service to both sides of our marketplace. We’ve always taken both sides of our marketplaces equally seriously.

(On Culture #2) You can’t deliver excellence unless you create a culture where the employees feel as well supported as is humanly possible. If I am emotionally drained, I don’t have anything to give to anyone else. If I’m emotionally nourished, then I can be very caring, helpful and look out for them. From the start, we treat our own people with the same caring, concern and same excellence as we do to anyone outside the company. I’ve often thought, “How can you keep this wonderful culture as you get bigger?”

(On Hiring) We keep our culture moving in the right direction if we have done the right job of hiring people who value and care about our culture (and three core values). We’ve been able to model it in such a way that each one is a steward of the culture to the point that the bigger we get, the safer our culture is. We figured out how to ensure that each person picks up their responsibility in maintaining the culture.

Quotables:

“Many companies are built on the rocks of co-founder’s arguments.”

“Engineers have courage. I can make something. I can fix something. They have that strength.”

“I’m an operating executive. I’m the idea people come to and say ‘Can you build this?’”

“Took me 20 years working for other people before I started my own company.”

“Once you are an entrepreneur you are ruined, you can never go back. Why? Your successes have a much bigger effect. So do your mistakes.”

“As an entrepreneur, persistence is important, luck is part of the game, you have to pick yourself up and keep going.”

“I’m playing the numbers game, and my life is my portfolio. I’ve got to keep trying and trying.”

“MIT taught me to ‘just try it’. So now, that’s core to our culture at ezCater.”

One of her favorite quotes:
Archimedes saying, “Give me a long enough lever and a place to stand, and I can move the Earth.”
‘Remember, in his day that was a completely bonkers idea. I would say to him, “Where did you get the clarity and the courage to say something so earth-shaking (pun intended!)?”’

Interesting fact: She knew the famous comedian, Louis C.K. growing up.

THANKS, STEFANIA MALLETT!

If you enjoyed this session with Stefania Mallet, let her know by clicking on the link below and sending her a quick shout out at Twitter:

Click here to thank Stefania Mallett at Twitter!

Click here to let Jason know about your number one takeaway from this episode!

References Mentioned:

Stefania Mallett – LinkedIn bio
ezCater – They make it easy to order food online for your office. From routine office lunches to offsite client meetings, from 5 to 2,000 people, we have a solution for you. ezCater connects businesspeople with over 50,000 reliable local caterers and restaurants across the U.S.
MIT
Briscoe Rodgers – President & co-founder of ezCater.
Get a glimpse into the ezCater culture

Biography:

Stefania has spent over 25 years building and growing technology-enabled companies that solve real business problems. Stefania co-founded and successfully sold InSite Marketing Technology (now NASDAQ: KANA). Her tenure at National Logistics Management (a broker for $225M in transportation services) brought NLM to profitability for the first time in 4 years. At IntraNet (now NASDAQ:TSAI), Stefania revamped the firm and vaulted it to #1 in its market, a position it has maintained for 15+ years. At a dozen companies, she has held general management, marketing, sales, product management, support, and technical positions. Stefania also operates as a Director and advisor to many for-profit and non-profit firms. She has a BS and an MS from MIT.

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Jason Treu is an executive coach. He has "in the trenches experience" helping build a billion dollar company and working with many Fortune 100 companies. He's worked alongside well-known CEOs such as Steve Jobs, Mark Hurd (at HP), Mark Cuban, and many others. Through his coaching, his clients have met industry titans such as Tim Cook, Bill Gates, Richard Branson, Peter Diamandis, Chris Anderson, and many others. He's also helped his clients create more than $1 billion dollars in wealth over the past three years and secure seats on influential boards such as TED and xPrize. His bestselling book, Social Wealth, the how-to-guide on building extraordinary business relationships that influence others, has sold more than 45,000 copies. He's been a featured guest on 500+ podcasts, radio and TV shows. Jason has his law degree and masters in communications from Syracuse University

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