Ruth L. Snyder's Blog, page 16

Choosing Joy

For the past week and a half I’ve been participating in Pam Farrel’s Red Hot Wives Challenge. This morning I woke up feeling BLASE:

bla·sé

bläˈzā/

adjective
adjective: blasé unimpressed or indifferent to something because one has experienced or seen it so often before.

God’s timing is always perfect. This morning, the challenge focused on choosing joy. Pam reminded us of Nehemiah 8:10, “The joy of the Lord is my strength,” and encouraged us as wives to enjoy a “Joy Splurge” – doing something simple that revives us and restores our joy. The day is young, but I’ve already experienced several joy splurges:

Although I’m on a journey to healthy living, I enjoy a rich, steamy cup of hot chocolate every once in a while. Joy splurge number one this morning – relaxing in my favourite comfortable chair with a cup of hot chocolate before the rest of the family woke up.
Instead of writing this morning between 6-6:30, I focused on reading and “refilling” my inspiration tank. Joy splurge number two – reading a few pages in Practice by Practice by Kathleen Gibson.
Every morning I choose to put music on while I’m preparing breakfast. Joy splurge number three  – Awesome God: A Cappella Worship (Keith Lancaster & The Acappella Company)
Getting our five children out the door to the school bus is often a challenge. This morning I glanced up between wiping the table and putting my daughter’s hair in a pony tail. God gave me  joy splurge number four in the beautiful sunrise. Here are the pictures I snapped, after I pointed out the window and encouraged my family to join me.

 

What energizes you? Have you experienced a joy splurge lately? Tell us about it

 

Adoption Blog Tour: My fears, hopes and dreams for our children

Adoption is a challenging journey. (You can read our family legacy story here.) An adoptive family experiences many joys and sorrows. Here are some things I celebrate as an adoptive parent:

The day we brought each of our children home
Hearing, “I love you!”
Holding adoption orders in my hand and knowing these are legally our children
Hearing, “Your daughter has your eyes.”
Watching our twins, who were never supposed to walk, talk, or feed themselves, run with carefree abandon and gulp down ever increasing amounts of food.
Hearing, “You’re the best cook in the whole world!”
Coming home and being met at the door with hugs, smiles, and “You’re home!”
Walking into a room and seeing all of my children reading by themselves.
Hearing, “Your son knows his Bible well.”

Like any parent, I also have fears, hopes, and dreams for my children.

I Fear:

Our children floundering with their identity.
Not having the answers or ability to meet our children’s unique needs.
People being distracted or distressed by our children’s special needs and refusing to take the time to get to know who they really are as people.
The future, wondering if our children have the skills and ability to be independent.
People taking advantage of our children.
What will happen to our children when we are no longer able to care for them?

I Hope:

Our children will find security and significance in a personal relationship with God.
Our children will lead lives that are privately happy and publicly useful.
Our children will know that we love them no matter what.
Our children will persevere through the difficulties they face.
Our children will have the support and encouragement they need.
Others will treat our children with respect.

I Dream:

That our children will be able to set goals that are meaningful to them and achieve them.
That others will be able to look beyond our children’s special needs and see the special gifts they bring to the world.
That our children will be able to have healthy relationships with their birth families.
That our community and the larger world will make a place for our children where they are accepted, nurtured, and productive.
That there will always be a safe place for our children.

Adoptive and foster parents need support and encouragement. I’m thankful for:

Extended family members who love and accept our children
Teachers who go the extra mile to include our children
Specialists who listen and give helpful advice
A church family who celebrates our children’s unique gifts and abilities
Friends who pray for me and listen when I just need to vent

What are your fears, hopes, and dreams for your children? Are they similar to or different than mine?

NOTE: For the month of December, I’m giving away a FREE copy of a Christmas short story – Hope for Jimmy, to everyone who follows my blog. (Fill in the form below)

Ruth L. Snyder and her husband, Kendall, have five adopted children ages six to seventeen. Besides looking after her family, Ruth enjoys teaching Music for Young Children and writing. She currently serves as the editor for In the Loop, a quarterly newsletter for foster, adoptive, and kinship families in northeastern Alberta, Canada. (Read more of their adoption journey: Our Family Legacy Story.)

 

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Free Christmas Short Story!

 

This month I would like to give you a Christmas short story called Hope for Jimmy. All you need to do to receive this story is fill in the form below with your name, e-mail address, and tell me what you’d like me to blog about in the coming year.

I hope this story will remind you that there are people who need our help at Christmas time. Ask God how He wants you to reach out and give hope to someone this Christmas.

Matthew 25:31-40 (NIV)

31 “When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit on his glorious throne. 32 All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate the people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. 33 He will put the sheep on his right and the goats on his left.

34 “Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. 35 For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, 36 I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’

37 “Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38 When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? 39 When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’

40 “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’

(From The Bible Gateway)

Merry Christmas!

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Pitfalls on the trail to healthy living & Five Minute Friday

As some of you know, I’ve been working on changing some of my habits. I’m thankful for the success I’ve had – becoming more active and losing some weight. However, I still have a ways to go. I was doing very well until summer hit. I lost 25 pounds and was exercising regularly. Then I reverted back to some of my bad habits and gained 15 pounds back. Now I’m almost back to my pre-summer weight.

As I thought about why I struggled over the summer, I came up with eight pitfalls that tend to trip me up:

Stress

If I’m not careful, my healthy living plan disappears when I experience stress. We all live with stress, but there are times when life throws it’s worst at us. If we don’t choose otherwise, we can get tripped up.

Possible Solution: Watch for signs of stress and acknowledge it. Humor is a great stress reliever. Put together movies, jokes, etc. that make you laugh and have them ready when you need them.

Pre-packaged Food

We live in a frenetic world. It’s easy to rely on frozen pizza or mac and cheese instead of spending the time to cook healthy meals. I’m not saying we should never eat these foods, but they should be the exception. Recently I was reminded that sometimes we need to retrain our taste buds. We crave what we eat.

Possible Solution: Make sure you keep your kitchen stocked with the ingredients you need to cook homemade meals. If you need some inspiration, try out a new recipe. (I’ve started collecting new recipes using Pinterest.) Retrain your taste buds to enjoy food that is good for you.

Not enough Sleep

This is a contentious issue for some people. I don’t think there is a magic number for this, but if you are waking up tired on a regular basis you’re probably not getting enough sleep. I find that when I’m tired, I tend to eat more. Not a good plan!

Possible Solution: Look at your schedule and see if there are things you need to intentionally cut out. Be more conscious of when you are tired. Every once in a while allow yourself to go to bed early.

Emotional Eating

This is a big stumbling block for me, and I wasn’t even aware of it until lately. When I’m stressed, or lonely, or sad or … I can easily fall into the trap of eating to try to make myself feel better. The problem is that food can’t satisfy us emotionally.

Possible Solution: I’ve found it helps to wait for ten minutes or so when I want to snack. This gives me time to evaluate whether I’m actually hungry or if I’m struggling emotionally. I’ve also found time with friends, doing something I enjoy, and spending time reading my Bible help me deal with the real issues.

Lack of Vegetables

Have you ever stopped to think about how many servings of vegetables you eat? (Check out this visual of the recommended amount of fruits and vegetables we should be eating each day.) Vegetables have many benefits including providing vitamins and minerals, adding fiber, and satisfying us without adding a lot of calories.

Possible Solution: For me, the first step was becoming aware of how few vegetables I was eating. Then I had to make sure my grocery list included a variety of vegetables. Now I’m trying to teach myself to reach for vegetables when I want a snack.

Grabbing what’s Quick

This is something most of us do – grab something that’s quick. We live busy lives. Sometimes we don’t have time to make a meal, so we grab something on the run. Usually what we grab is not the best choice because it’s usually something sweet, or salty, or loaded with calories.

Possible Solution: Have healthy food on hand, like vegetables and fruit or things you need to make yourself a wrap. If you need to eat out, do your homework ahead of time and pick some healthy options. Most restaurants and fast food places have nutrition guides available.

Lack of Accountability

If I don’t make a conscious effort to pay attention to what I eat, it’s easy for me to get tripped up and fall back into my bad habits (like eating desserts regularly). Accountability helps us pay attention to what we’re doing, provides support, and gets us through the rough times we’ll all have.

Possible Solution: Find an accountability partner who will check in with you regularly. If you find that difficult, try tracking your eating and exercise in a journal or with an app. (My Fitness Pal is available on the web or as an App on iTunes)

Inactivity

I don’t know about you, but I find that I spend a lot of time at my desk. Unless I consciously make myself move, I sit. Our bodies are made to move. Exercise improves our memory, posture, and confidence. It also helps relieve stress, sleep better, and have more energy. (Check out Top Ten Reasons to Exercise Regularly.)

Possible Solution: I tend to find excuses not to exercise, so I had to find something I could do regularly at home. A treadmill and some DVDs help get me moving. Listening to inspiring music or podcasts while I exercise helps too.

What about you? What pitfalls have you encountered and how do you avoid them?

Dear Reader,

Thank you for taking the time to stop by my blog and read. I hope you found encouragement, humor, and some helpful information.

I don’t take you for granted. We live in a frenetic world. You could choose to use your time for many things other than visiting my website.

Thank you for taking time to leave a comment. This lets me know if content is helpful and engaging.

I hope that this Advent and Christmas season you will take time to reflect and spend time with those who are dear to you. Take time to thank God for the many blessings in your life.

I also invite you to read and share what I’ve written – both on my blog and in e-book or printed form (Note: Helping Hands Press is offering 30% off until December 18th. Enter code: THANKYOU):

Cecile’s Christmas Miracle
Shadows and Sunshine
Life Lessons
Uplifting Devotionals for Parents

If you have suggestions for blog topics, let me know.

Thanks for being you!

Five Minute Friday provides an opportunity to write about a one word prompt for five minutes and then link in to Kate’s blog. Come join the fun

NAME Canada – Men and Women Resolve Conflict Differently

Bill & Pam Farrel shared some important reminders with us about resolving conflict with our spouse:

Women tend to confront issues while men tend to bury issues
Couples who can identify the real issues can grow closer
Emotions follow decisions

Decide AHEAD of time how you will deal with conflict!

Hold hands when you argue!
Check out the Free resources on love-wise.com: Conflict Covenant Worksheet.

Forgive One Another
People don’t fall out of love, they fall out of the willingness to forgive.

Colossians 3:13 – we are supposed to forgive everyone (even our spouse)!

What forgiveness is not:

Just letting it go
Saying “It’s okay”
Denial
Forgetting
Reconciliation

Forgiveness is a decision you make in your heart to not allow anyone else to control your emotional life.

Reconciliation is a decision to restore a broken or hurting relationship

Forgiveness makes sure there’s no bitterness in your life.

Six Statements of Forgiveness

I forgive (name) for (offense) 1 John 1:9; Genesis 45 – reunion of Joseph and his brothers
I admit that what happened was wrong. (If nothing was wrong, maybe a bad attitude just needs to be adjusted.) Romans 3:23; Genesis 45:5
I do not expect this person to make up for what he or she has done. (Take them off your hook, and put them on God’s hook! Give God a chance to work on the person.) II Cor 5:17
I will not use what happened to define who this person is. (Give up name-calling. Ask God to help you see that person as He sees them.) Forgiveness sets us free to be able to love in a healthy way. Ephesians 1 – God looks at everyone as desperately needing His grace.
I will not manipulate this person with this offense. (Don’t beat people up with the past.) II Cor. 5:17 (Imagine the relationship you’d have with Jesus if he manipulated you by what he knows about you. He doesn’t do that.) Genesis 45:10 (If someone is moving from toxic to healthy, they own their issue: This is what I did. I’m so sorry I hurt you. What can I do to earn back your trust?)
I will not allow what has happened to stop my personal growth. II Peter 3:18 You don’t have to be perfect, but you need to work on getting better. Bitterness stunts your growth.

Boundaries are put in place to give others time to allow God to work in their lives.

Psalm 103 – Bless the Lord, O My Soul

 

New Blog Hop starting in 2015

At the beginning of this year I hosted a blog hop for writers. We posted every other week and the blog hop included six topics (Click on the links to see the posts):

1. My writing goals for 2014

2. Writing tools I use

3. Character Sketch

4. Advice to a new writer

5. My favourite genre

6. My current works in progress

 

Everyone who participated in the blog hop learned from other writers and had fun. We also had increased traffic to our sites.

I would like to put together a blog hop that will kick off early in 2015. I haven’t picked any topics yet. Writing? Parenting? Special Needs? Technology? Please let me know if you’d like to participate and give me your suggestions for general topics and post topics. Also let me know how often you’d be able to post (I’m thinking of running the blog hop all year long with posts once a month).

I look forward to hearing your ideas

Blog Hop 2015
Please share your ideas!


First Name*Last Name*E-mail*Blog Hop General Topics*What would you like to blog about? Writing? Blogging? Parenting? Special Needs? Technology? Other?Post Topics*What specific topics would you like to tackle? E.g. Goals? Time Management? Dealing with crisis? Tools for creating graphics? Other?How often would you like to post for the blog hop?*Once a month?Every other week?Every week?How many posts are you willing to write for a blog hop?*4612Any other comments/suggestions?

 

Fighting for the BEST in your Marriage and 5 Minute Friday

Jeff and Lori Harmon shared a session about, “Fighting for the BEST in your Marriage,” at the NAME Conference in November. Here is some of the information they shared:

Scriptures: Genesis 2:24; Genesis 3:1; John 8:44; John 10:10

God is the one who processes us to make the two into one.
God is with us. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak. We need to deal with our baggage and our thoughts.
“I do” and “I will” need to be true on your marriage day and throughout your marriage.
Our marriages are under attack. Satan slithers into our marriage – Hollywood, movies, books, etc. and works to separate us.
We don’t struggle against flesh and blood. Too often we fight inside our marriage instead of fighting outside our marriage. Satan wants to bring the worst. We need to fight for the best in our marriage. Satan is a liar. Lies seep their ways in. Maybe my spouse isn’t the one God wanted me to marry. Satan goes about like a roaring lion seeking whom he may devour.
We are not just fighting for ourselves; we are also fighting for the next generation.
We will all fail. Jesus does not condemn us; He points out the ideal and gives us the grace, courage, and strength to get there. You’ll never be good enough; Jesus is good enough
We can’t compare! This brings condemnation, not conviction.

The word, “Marriage” comes from the  Greek word for “gem”. Just like time and pressure turn a chunk of coal into a diamond, so God uses time and pressure to turn our marriages into something precious.

God never meant for marriage to be learned alone.

The BEST Marriage
B – Bless your spouse

God wants us to be “blessers”.
The first 4 minutes of your day will set the tone for your day.
Life and death are in the power of the tongue. Proverbs 10:18.
Our world is very negative. We need each other to speak blessing and encouragement.
Speak words to your spouse and about them Hebrews 11:3 – our words frame our world
Use “Please” and “Thank you” – When was the last time you thanked your spouse?
Say “I love you.” even if you don’t feel it. Keep putting out the words and your spirit will follow
Pray for your spouse; NOT preach, preach, preach

E – Edify

You can say what you have or you can have what you say. Encourage, delight, fulfill – building with actions. Romans 10:19
God has put you in your marriage to build up your spouse.God wants you to serve. Your spouse is not your workmanship; they may be a piece of work, but they are not your piece of work.
Edify = to enlarge your spouse’s self-worth. Help them feel better about themselves. Your spouse is not there to make you complete – that’s Christ’s job. A spouse is a coach that runs along side you, cheering you on. You need to know your spouse so that you can edify and strengthen them. There is power in believing in your spouse.

S – Share

We become selfish with our time, needs, feelings. Communication is often a problem. We become disconnected. Couples who share their feelings are closer and can go through their difficulties much easier.
Your spouse should be your soulmate. If you’re closer to someone else, it’s because you’re talking to them more.
Cover/protect one another. Be your spouse’s BFF. You need to learn to have an expanded ability to share.
Silence can be a wedge between you and your spouse. Sharing is about not keeping secrets. I love what he loves because I love him. Share your dreams and visions.
Ask: How are we doing on a scale of 1-10? Why? What area needs improvement?

T – Touch

Kissing is beneficial for your health. A kiss is like a seal of approval.
Science of 7 – a woman needs 7 touches throughout the day – non-sexual.
Physical affirmation says, “I love you.”  Women need security. Touching and affirming. Touching kindles a flame.

Are you fighting for the BEST in your marriage? Ladies, I invite you to join me in The Red Hot Wives Challenge put together by Bill & Pam Farrel.

 

Give

“It is more blessed to give than to receive.”

“Give, and it will be given to you, shaken down … running over.”

“Come unto me, all who are burdened and heavy laden and I will GIVE you rest.”

Christmas is just around the corner. In our home we consciously work at helping our children learn to GIVE:

We encourage them to give gifts to each other
We encourage them to give gifts to other people
We encourage them to give their time to help others by baking cookies, caroling around the neighborhood, volunteering at a soup kitchen

Jesus Christ is our example of giving.

At Christmas we celebrate that He gave up everything He had in Heaven, coming to earth as a helpless baby.

At Easter we celebrate that He gave His life in exchange for ours.

What will we give today?

Five minute Friday provides an opportunity to write for 5 minutes using a prompt, and then link in with other people who’ve done the same. If you’d like to participate, check out the details on Kate’s blog.

Thanksgiving Thank You from Helping Hands Press

This is a guest post from Helping Hands Press

Thank You!

We can’t say it any more plainly.

As each day grows closer to those times of the year that makes one pause and reflect on what they are thankful for and what their year was like, we cannot help but come back to the one place any Author or Publisher needs to think of and consider with each and every word-YOU –our readers and supporters.

We count on you each and every “Thirsty Thursday” Facebook Party for your feedback, every review you give, every email and direct message you send the Authors in our Community. Without your guidance and support we know that we would cease to exist. “THANK YOU!”

As a small token of our appreciation we are going to try to do a few fun things for you over the next 4 weeks.

We are going to offer all of the paperbacks, audio books and ebooks in the Helping Hands Press Store at 30% off from Nov. 20 to Dec.18th. All you need to do is use the code word “THANKYOU” when you check out to receive the discount.

We are also starting a contest that will run the same length of time. There will be a Rafflecopter located on the Helping Hands Press blog that will have all the details. There are a lot of prizes:

-Grand Prize -Kindle Fire HD6

-Second Prize- 12 paperbacks-Full list is below

-Third Prize-6 paperbacks-Full List below

-Fourth prize-6 audio books-Full List below

-Fifth Prize-audio book of choice

We hope that you have fun, enjoy the contest, and most of all know that all of us here at Helping Hands Press are very thankful for your support each and every day!

THANK YOU!

Second Prize-12 paperbacks: Declaration of Independence Series I, Colony Zero Complete Series I, The San Francisco Wedding Planner Series I, ’Tis The Season in Sweetland Complete, No Revolution Is Too Big Complete Series, Marsha Hubler’s Heart-Warming Christmas Stories Complete Series, No Matter What, Uplifting Devotionals Book I, 12Days of Christmas Complete Series, The Ambassadors, Preacher Man Volume I, Legacy of Grandpa’s Grapevine

Third Prize-6 paperbacks:Dark Enough To See The Stars, The Blizzard, The Christmas Wish, Mother Can You Hear Me?, Homeschool Co-ops 101, God,Me and a Cup of Tea

 

Name Conference: Marriages that Last

Yesterday at church we celebrated two marriages which have stood the test of time. One couple has been married for 53 years. The other couple celebrated 63 years of marriage.

Have you ever wondered why some marriages fail while others thrive?

Here’s some more information that Bill and Pam Farrel shared about lasting marriages at the in November.

Seven stages most couples go through

Newlywed
Couple begins family
Children enter school
Children enter teen years
Children enter adulthood
Retirement Years
Aging/Loss of spouse

“A hormone called PEA is released when you decide to marry someone – you’re actually addicted to this person. This lasts 18-24 months. When it’s gone, it’s gone. However, Oxytocin can be produced over and over by laughing together, by sharing mutually satisfying experiences, and sex.”

Women don’t divide their love, it multiplies!
Treat your spouse like company.
Sometimes it’s not just a spiritual problem, maybe we need a nap!

Midlife transitions: Wife’s search for significance; Husband’s search for companionship

We experience:

Overstated emotions
Question: Who am I and why am I on the face of this globe?
Most vulnerable to an affair

Wise women will take the question to God

Suggested resource: Becoming a Brave New Woman: Step into God’s Adventure for You by Pam Farrel
Find a mentor and other women to share with
Set up some boundaries in relationships with other men.
Ask the people around you: What do you think is unique about me? What do I enjoy doing?

“I love you too much to let life pull us apart, so let’s set some date nights.”

Men: Superman syndrome

Men become aware of the expenses of life
Men can become so focused on providing for the family that they forget to build relationship with the family
Testosterone drops in mid-life
Health crisis that gets your attention
Mid-life is a transition like puberty; transition from productivity to wisdom. People need your wisdom!

 Questions couples should ask themselves:

Who would be a great mentor couple for us?
When’s a great time for a date night? (Hint for couples with young children: Thursday night toy box. Put together a special box of toys children can only have on Thursday night (or whatever night you have your date night). Children have to stay on their beds to play with their special toy box.)

Seasoned Sisters – a supportive group of women Pam gets together with regularly.

In construction “sistering” = putting 2×4’s together so they can bear more weight; we should be doing this for each other as women.
“Choosing Joy!” – a phrase Pam uses to remind herself that she can’t change the circumstances, but she can change her attitude.

Pray Scriptures over your family

Isaiah 30:8 The Lord longs to be good to you

REMEMBER!

“If couples can hang through this transition (midlife), life will right itself.”
God is good all the time! Hang on to that. Goodness is ahead. Stick together.
Write out a dream list of what you want to do in the second half of your life.
Number one trait of couple who last a lifetime – want a love that lasts a lifetime (Pure grit and determination)

“Remind each other: It’s not you, it’s not me, it’s just life!”

 

Five Minute Friday: Notice

What do you notice when  you go somewhere you’ve never been before?

People?
Natural beauty?
Houses?
Flowers?
Something else?

What about when you meet someone you’ve never met before? What do you notice?

Hair?
Eyes?
Shape?
Smile?
Personality?
Gestures?

We all notice different things. Ask five eye-witnesses what they saw at an accident site and they’ll give you five different descriptions. For better or worse, we tend to see people and things through our own unique filters. We notice things that other people gloss over, but we also overlook things that other people think are obvious. We need to ask God to help us see people and events the way He sees them:

He sees the sparrow
He knows how many hairs are on your head
He understands what it’s like to be deserted and alone
He feels your sorrow

Nothing is ever a surprise to God. He notices everything.

Especially you!

 

Those who’d like to participate in Five Minute Friday will write for five minutes on the topic of the week, post it on their own blog and link up the post on Kate’s blog (via the InLinkz button at the bottom of the post).

This is meant to be a free write, which means: no editing, no over-thinking, no worrying about perfect grammar or punctuation.

Just write.