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HastyWords's Blog, page 140
February 27, 2014
DISINGENUOUS
Disingenuous gazes everywhere
Genesis falls upon lilting smiles
Rolling eyes and see-through stares
Everyone a marionette dangling
Bouncing on trampolines made of skin
Opening and closing mouths
Out of sync with the words they speak
Cringing emotion
Changing motions
Hold me until the nightmare subsides
And the people around me
Become flesh and blood again
February 26, 2014
SEEKING A FRIEND
I remember writing this after having lost someone extremely close to me. Did they die? No… fortunately they didn’t. However, the pain I felt when the love stopped growing and started hurting…lasted a long time. After losing him I was lost, seeking someone to understand. For awhile, I felt connected to another human being and then I wasn’t and it was hard to give up that feeling. It should have been my husband I was connected to but he will be the first to admit how distant and inward he is.
I was connected to someone I thought saw all of me better than I saw myself but that was an illusion. Now, for some reason I barely even remember the good or the bad moments. I look back and there are just glimpses… just flashes of some of the most memorable moments.I imagine it is a combination of my trying so hard, for so long, to forget and my getting old. I had erased every text ever written and trashed every email. The only thing I have left are pictures and I hid them from myself.
Now and then I will accidentally see him or those close to him and I will have a small panic attack. I think the attacks come from the worry that all the old painful memories will surface but… once I realize I am safe from them I resume my life as usual. I guess that is a good thing right?
I am not so sure. I have buried so much that I don’t remember even who I was or what I was like in those days. It is almost as if my identity was created solely on who he believed I was. If that doesn’t make sense then you are not alone because it barely makes sense to me.
All I know is that time does make things better, and whether or not those feelings, that life, I buried ever comes back I can’t say. For now I am just me… not she but me.
Originally posted on hastywords:
There are times in life when you have the perfect person right in front of you. The give and take is perfectly balanced. You love to spend time with each other, whether it is a best friend, a spouse, a family member, a co-worker. In every relationship we long for someone to get us. To get the side of us that isn’t easy to talk about or share. To get the selfish stingy side of us that longs for more attention when they are feeling less than human. It is difficult when a relationship stops being balanced, healthy, loving. The love you built up in your heart begins to turn jealous, angry, hurt and used. The truth is love for someone never ever dies….it will always be there, but sometimes that love stops growing and that is when the pain begins. That’s when the search begins to fill the void they left within you.
I’m a romantic in my head
I’m the ugly duckling
The girl in rags
A girl staring out her window
At a world of strangers
A place she will never fit
Searching for someone
To see what words can’t speak
To hear her heart above theirs
A girl locked in a dungeon
Created by romances dreamed
Built from her own desires
To be more than just
A thought in their head
I dream of a warrior with
Strength enough to rescue me
From the pain that nobody
Will ever understand me
COMFORTABLE LIES
She wanted to hear and feel
To believe the good things said
But she was comfortable
Believing the lies instead
Sex Binge
First – I don’t post sexually explicit posts but I am re-blogging this so please ONLY enter the original poem at your own risk. I am re-blogging it because I love the way his words flow and I think addiction feels like this in every form whether it be sex, food, drugs, love…etc.
Originally posted on The POWER & The GLORY:
Sex Binge
it’s a win win
for broken souls like us.
Darling take my hand,
trust
me when I say
we can defeat the depression
and fuck the pain away.
Sex Binge
we’re in
too deep to get out now
we use forbidden naughty lust
as tools to help plow
our beautiful blooming fields
of desire.
I will tie your hands down with this
electrical wire.
February 25, 2014
ONE TEXT
Depression watched her sitting in the dark stairwell smearing her cheeks with snot and mascara. Nights for her were always like this; they slept she wept. He had been seducing her for months and she never failed to meet him here. Tonight, he would kiss her until she had no breath left and he would hold her heart until it stopped. She picked up her phone and sent one text as if she could sense his presence, “HELP ME”.
The prompt word this week was SUNSHINE but unfortunately the first thing that came to my mind was the lack of emotional SUNSHINE we sometimes have.
SLEEPING SPELL
The Evil Queen
Is my mother
I told her once
I needed beauty sleep
So she put a spell on me
I didn’t wake for weeks
And missed several tests
Thanks mom
But…
That’s not what I meant
SYMPHONY
I am excited about my new duet partner. Sometimes people come into your life and you think, “there is a reason for this”. I had this thought as we wrote the duet below. I think we are going to have some fun writing together. I also found out she has published a few books I can’t wait to buy and review. If you would like to help her out with reviews (because self publishing promotion is hard work) then check out this link to her books.
Original art by: Violin Sonata in G minor. Larghetto affettuoso
Colored by: HastyWords
Written by Laura A Lord and HastyWords
♦♦♦
I fear the things I cannot hear
As if they are waiting to pounce
These… things just crouching
Somewhere out there, lingering
Invisible graves being marked
Lucidity being disguised, masquerading
I see them standing there in shadow
The light carves lines of lyrics
Through the air, hanging like
Some heavy, wet wool blanket
I suck in a deep breath
And choke on the emptiness
Ready to perform their cacophony
The vile creatures begin to seethe
They can see me but they are hidden
Behind the veil of humanity, starving
Until their masterpiece starts to play
Orchestrating sadness inside of me
I’ve been feeding them with my soul
My mourning spread out
Like a welcome feast
The music swells as they find their seats
I’m serving myself up
On a silver platter
A bow draws strings across my neck
A broken sacrifice, a bleeding wonder
Betrayal breaks out its scaffolding
As it practices its opening notes
A master at creating disharmony
He begins this ceremonial feast
By rearranging the poetic beats
My heart creates as it palpitates
Rewriting a symphony of blues
Into a classical medieval chant
I’m laid here open wide
Like a gift, presented in shining wrapping
And Dismay has constructed
A dance floor in the empty
Cavity of my psyche
He’s twirling Distress to the
Chaos beat of the thump, thump, thump
The mumble of malfunction
The sweet sweet chorus of dissonance
Rising into raging melodies
As the emptiness inside me grows
And I beg for the mercy
They are salivating heartily for
And I cry the rancid tears
Their tortured souls are thirsty for
What if the only instrument we play is the beating of our heart?
Accomplished | Rima Hassan
Dhol (a drum) | Perspectives on life, universe and everything
Rockstar! | Perspectives on life, universe and everything
Sometimes you have to simply stop and think | From One Crazy Life To Another
Harmonized Taps for JFK | Exploratorius
The Man From Bug and The Daily Prompt | The Jittery Goat
One Crazy Mom » We Got The Beat
Daily Prompt: We Got the Beat | tnkerr-Writing Prompts and Practice
I was picked last for family band camp | The Bohemian Rock Star’s “Untitled Project”
Jamming | Knowledge Addiction
Daily Prompt: We Got the Beat- Music Performance | Journeyman
Daily Prompt: We Got The Beat | Incidents of a Dysfunctional Spraffer
Photographer declares war on Food Porn. | Greg Urbano
DP Daily Prompt: We Got The Beat | Sabethville
If I Had The Courage | Musings | WANGSGARD.COM
My Band: a poem – Daily Prompt | alienorajt
I Wanna Be A Riot Grrrl | RinnyWee
Daily Prompt: We Got the Beat | Awl and Scribe
Just call me Tabbycat… part of the T’Cats crew. | thoughtsofrkh
DAILY PROMPT: Performance “I’m not in a band BUT…” | cockatooscreeching
Beats Till My Heart Beats | Views Splash!
Performance | My Little Avalon
Anyone For Polka | Lisa’s Kansa Muse
If We Could Be ‘The Batshit Crazies’ | jigokucho
Daily post theme: Performance | The Wandering Poet
Rockstars in the Making | snapshotsofawanderingheart
I’m IN the Band | S K I P
My Part of Heaven | Flowers and Breezes
Daily Prompt: We Got the Beat « Mama Bear Musings
Drum Roll Please…. | Life Confusions
One, two, three! | Life is great
YO we got that BEAT! | My pitter patter wordfaLL
Have I Ever?! | Forever Autumn
We Got the Beat | I Write Therefore I Am
CHOSEN | mnemosynesandlethe
Daily Prompt: We Got the Beat | Sued51′s Blog
Pre-gig rituals | A picture is worth 1000 words
Flash Fiction: The Cello | Sarah’s Typos
Daily Prompt: We Got the Beat, 25.02.14 | Markie’s Daily Blog
Once upon a time I used to write music. | Simple Heart Girl
Signs of Life | The Nameless One
Daily Prompt: We Got The Beat | Chronicles of an Anglo Swiss
Rockstar – Not So Much! | Views Splash!
Make your child do this! | Parents Are People Too
She’s got balls! I wish I could do that! | Mishe en Place
This one time at Band Camp…. | Green Embers
duets sssss (double acrostic/tanka) | peacefulblessedstar
Daily Prompt: Being Musical! | All Things Cute and Beautiful
Daily Prompt – Performance | Nicola Kirk
I’ve Still got the Beat, Grandpa | The Shotgun Girls
Stop me? | martha0stout
The Healing Process | melissuhhsmiles
Daily Prompt: We Got the Beat | Diary of Dennis
Music, a Memoir. Kinda Like Dick and Jane only Sideways | The Zombies Ate My Brains
A Lesson from my Piano Teacher, Advice I Didn’t take | Kosher Adobo
HE LIFTS US UP: Song for Abuse Victims | ChristianBlessings
February 24, 2014
Your Help Is Needed
I don’t know Merry well enough to write a post as beautifully as TwinDaddy did. I did however write a short poem and hope that we as a community of bloggers can help another who is in need. Please read this post for details on how you can help.
When there is no place else to turn
I get down on my knees and pray
And I feel guilty for not being faithful
Gracious, inside the moments of plenty
I pray for peace and wisdom
And for a way to make it through
More than just one more day
But today, this day…is enough
And today God gave me comfort
In the form of your support
In acknowledging my discomfort
And sending me a community
With a loving spirit and a caring heart
Originally posted on Stuphblog:
Last year I met a kindred spirit when I guest posted on another blog. We bonded over our similar stories of domestic abuse, falling in love with another person who helped us realize we deserved better, and escape. As we began to talk more and more, we realized we had other things in common. We both battle depression. Our senses of humor are disturbingly similar. We have similar views on life and relationships.
I’m speaking, of course, of Merry.
She has been there for me for these past few months as I battled my demons through break up and divorce. I know I can share anything with her and not be judged. I trust her implicitly.
Our similarities do come to an end, sadly. She likes the Beatles and older music. I prefer rock and newer music. She’s jealous that my musical taste is so much cooler than hers. She also suffers from a condition I do not: fibromyalgia. Per Google:
TIPSY PEDESTRIAN
I sat on the curb completely numb
A full moon was staring at me
As were the occasional passers by
Bugs were hitting fluorescent lights
And the coke machine was humming
I had just walked a half a mile
Turning over the events one by one
Trying to piece together all the lies
Fit them among random truths
I needed him… no… wanted him
He was my love to take home
I wore the wedding ring, diamonds
But his heart, his eyes, his words
They belonged to her… not me
I saw it as we all mingled together
A party full swing decked out in bling
The laughter in the room a chorus
But they were vacuum sealed
Him… laughing
and he never laughs
Her… eyes sparkling
flirting and smiling
It would be awhile before he noticed
My absence would cause little stir
Relief would flood through him
As I imagined him thanking me
For setting him free, letting him go
The heat in the air stole my breath
I could no longer breathe in sanity
June bugs began landing on me
As did dozens of moths and fireflies
Until nothing was left of me to see
My dim light had been extinguished
I closed my eyes and felt their legs
Grab onto my sweaty, crying skin
And slowly they lifted me into the sky
And carried me towards the windshield
That would be his gift; my demise
THE MELANCHOLIC ME
I am very excited to finally have something to post with this beautiful lady. I believe I first met Nicole Marie during a twitter conversation happening between several other very talented bloggers over a year ago. Since then I have been lucky enough to watch her life unfold on Facebook and I think she is without a doubt one of the most beautifully unique people I know. Enjoy this new duet piece and visit Nicole Marie if you haven’t already at Words And Other Things. Please find your way to her blog and get lost inside her world.
Nicole Marie
Written by Nicole Marie and HastyWords
♦♦♦
He tells me I have the most gorgeous eyes
Close them fast as a fading memory, does he still remember they’re blue?
That my skin is perfect and my hair is soft
Does he feel it all like glass when the lights have faded?
But the demons inside my head are hungry
They turn me over like a hurricane, teeth like hollowed bones
Chewing every word and spitting them out
In some darkness I am sinking now
Leaving only naked skeletons, telling lies
His words fade into cushions, curtains, anything but me
Eating and devouring each line and verse
Now in ruins I am swimming
Turning love into deceit, starving my heart
Behind paper I flail, behind me I listen closely
Left in a world with visceral scars
drawn upon shredded skies;
and every whispered hello
sounds more like goodbye
