HastyWords's Blog, page 129

DON’T LET ME GET ME

This is part of the 25 days and 25 songs challenge created by Stuphblog. Click on the icon to participate and get the details.
DAY TEN: A SONG BY YOUR FAVORITE BAND

This is a hard one for me but only because I have so many favorites.  I will pick PINK for this challenge though because I relate to her as a person; and since she writes so many of her songs I relate to her music.  I admire so many things about her but I will spare you the geek fandom.

Every day I fight a war against a mirror

I can’t take the person staring back at me

I’m a hazard to myself don’t let me get me

I’m my own worst enemy

~Pink (I’m a hazard to myself)

 

 

If you can’t watch the link it is most likely because you are using Internet Explorer.  You can watch it though by going directly to youtube.

 

BECAUSE GIRLS ARE COOL – LAURIE WORKS

I am incredibly happy to introduce to you Laurie Works!

If you want to read some incredibly powerful introspective writing you need to visit her blog HERE.  The first posts I ever read were about the death of her sisters.  I could not find the words to describe how I felt or words to offer support or peace. I was and am simply speechless.  I want to meet this amazingly strong woman who understands herself, her responsibilities, and her limitations.  Please get to know this very cool girl!

 

 

MY MESSY BEAUTIFUL
THE UNWINDING CABLE CAR (PART 1 of the day my sisters died)
THE DATING PLAN
HERE’S TO TAKING A DEEP BREATH AND JUMPING OFF THE CLIFF…
ONE CAN LEARN A LOT IN TWO YEARS

HER SHADOW

 

What if she knew

She would disappear

That she’d look back

And only her shadow

Would remain the same
Could she change fate

Listening to a past

That cried for her identity

Believing in scripted tales

That counterfeited her reality
What if she knew

They would change her

Never to be satisfied

A life full of dress rehearsals

For an audience full of boo’s
What if she knew

She had a choice

That Once Upon a Time

And Happily Ever After

Were her lines to write
What if she knew

She would disappear

That she’d look back

And only her shadow

Would remain the same

GO FLY A METAPHORICAL KITE

So many sad things happen to us and around us that are completely out of our control.  Parents getting older and having health issues, we are getting older having our own health issues, parenting woes, war, violence, financial worries, safety concerns, abuse, neglect.  The list is endless.  I also know there are some beautiful and amazing things on the flip side. My daughter’s smile is the only one that comes to mind but they are also endless.

Why then does depression make all of those things seem apart from us?  Why does depression keep us locked inside its castle and demand we stay inside?  It keeps whispering you are worthless. You need only to look outside yourself to measure just how worthless.  Depression feels so selfish and to avoid looking selfish we ignore its existence.  We keep trying to hide the echoing words of self hate under the floorboards in our heart.

I see things around me that make me feel worthless, I find things to substantiate my claim.  And I miss all the evidence to the contrary.  My insecurity hides fairly well behind a well rehearsed smile but I can feel myself slowly exposing her and some day I will be free of her.

I don’t want to talk
Not about her
My insecurity
She is whiny and mean
And strong and selfish
The nastiest part of me
Things whir by
And she catches them
In the corner of her eye
I don’t understand
The why’s anymore
She just controls things
Tries to fill in everything
She disguises herself as logic
She is the creator of words
Setting Trigger Warnings
Like traps with steel teeth
Spring loaded waiting to wound
In the darkness, unexposed
Whispering things like
Freshly Pressed is only
For those who can write
Poetry doesn’t sell
Unless you are interesting
They are real writers
Why?
Because they make you feel
“This is shit” she screams
‘You are shit” she declares
She controls everything
She is an evil little bitch
And I am tired
Of fighting to become
What she feels is enough
So I am writing this “shit”
Against her advice
And exposing her anger
Her ugly insides
But…
I don’t want to talk about it
I just want her
To go fly a fucking kite

 

 

BECAUSE GIRLS ARE COOL – LAURA A LORD

This is my twin… she may not like it but (I’ve decided for her) she is now officially my twin.  I have all her books and have read each one of them; which means I am permanently connected to her.  I’m serious… I am a fan bordering on psychotic stalker…

We sing to each other, send random videos to each other, call each other, and we flirt with each other (she is fun to flirt with).  Ok… but seriously I really do love this woman because she is such a rich character full of so much depth.  Check her blog out here and her books out here.  The following blogs were picked by her to give you a better idea of who she is.  I will issue a *trigger warning* here because a few of these stories made my heart hurt as well as race.

 

 

 

Christmas Happened
Heartbreak and the Invisible Man
Crockpot Calamity – Part One of Four
I Remember That Day
Heartbeat

THANK GOD FOR HOPE

This is part of the 25 days and 25 songs challenge created by Stuphblog. Click on the icon to participate and get the details.

 

DAY NINE: A SONG THAT MAKES YOU HOPEFUL

 

I love this song.  Everything about it: her voice, his voice, the pace, the message.  I could write books on how this song makes me feel but I won’t because it is all deeply personal and speaks to the very core of my Christian belief’s.  I hope you listen and it feels you with hope like it does me.  When depression hits it takes a lot to penetrate the cloud cover.  Voices, music, laughter… they are all muffled. The voices and the truth in this song somehow always shine a small ray of light through those clouds.

Whenever I listen to the song above I can’t help listening to another Sara Groves song so today you get two.  If your depressed I encourage you to find a quiet space, plug the headphones in, close your eyes and meditate on the words.  I am not sure these songs would speak to a man like they speak to me as a woman but… it’s worth a shot!

 

Check out Sara Groves blog, she is a beautifully inspirational woman!

A CORINTHIANS KIND OF LOVE

 

 

I originally posted this 2 years ago.  This morning my daughter dropped her Teddy Bear and chipped its eye reminding me of this post, reminding me of other people, and of past times.

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

I came across a very well-worn teddy bear the other day.  An eye was missing, stuffing was exposed, and something had been spilled on it and matted in its hair.  I started to wonder what in the heck had this poor bear been through to end up so battered but I was sidetracked before I gave him another thought.  I remembered the  bear this morning.  I was looking through pictures on Instagram and came across a post from one of my friends “Froggie”, whom I have mentioned on a previous blog post.  It was this picture of his mom and dad.  The picture reminded me of a well-worn teddy bear being held comfortably in the arms of a very loving little girl.  For me, the picture was the epitome of love.  The picture could represent so many different things depending on the person seeing it but for me I saw beauty amidst the pain.

Appreciative love gazes and holds its breath and is silent, rejoices that such a wonder should exist even if not for him, will not be wholly dejected by losing her, would rather have it so than never to have seen her at all.

― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

 You see I believe what the Bible says about love, a Corinthians kind of love.  Nowhere does it say love is easy, to the contrary love is hard and often times painful.  In order to love you have to be susceptible and openly expose your heart to attack.  I believe love is patient and kind and all too often it is hard to be either one of these things on a daily basis.  It doesn’t envy or boast but we see examples of this around us every single day.  It isn’t arrogant or rude but we are bombarded with these things constantly.  It is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth…ok you wouldn’t know it if you watched the news.  Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things…I want that!  Love never ends.  In Froggie’s words, “Love is simply the act of surrendering yourself to another person completely and unwaveringly because life without surrender would be unfulfilled”.   I believe in the version of love the Bible defines and because I believe it is as rare as any treasure we can ever hope to find is why pictures like this hypnotize me.

I asked Froggie to tell me about the love his parents shared.  I doubt he realized his words read like a Disney story where love overcomes all adversity.  They were from two different worlds.  She was an American Christian and he was a Persian Muslim.  Their love could not be contained within or defined by religion.  Their love was more than their cultural backgrounds or the idea of race.   Nearly 30 years together and they are in the process of saying goodbye.  He has cancer and she is adhering to the vows she made to him all those years ago to stay in sickness…until death do you part.  It is overwhelmingly heartbreaking to actively lose a little bit of somebody everyday especially; someone you LOVE.  Somehow she has the strength to make each kiss, each embrace count.  She has the courage to love in every way possible knowing that it will make the departure even more sorrowful and painful.   You see this is how you know it is LOVE because she is patient and kind and full of strength despite living through one of LOVES most painful side effects.

I do not know his parents personally but I know Froggie and he is the most joyful, loving person I know.  His parents somehow birthed a child with a heart bigger than most I know.  Because he is not selfish and because he is not afraid to love he is in for his share of heartache.  What he doesn’t realize, perhaps, is that he is being trained to withstand any heartache that comes his way.

I believe we all have bits and pieces of this kind of love, we play around with it, sometimes abuse it, and very often we take it for granted. We need to be reminded by photographs like this one what LOVE truly means.  Understanding love starts from the inside and works itself outward. Love isn’t always passion felt kisses, it isn’t always running hand in hand in the rain, it isn’t always beautiful and happy; it is often times horribly gut wrenching.  But it is what makes life worth living. In the end love is not represented by pristine beauty, it is found in the scars of the well-worn and barely recognizable teddy bear.

Death opens a door out of a little, dark room (that’s all the life we have known before it) into a great, real place where the true sun shines and we shall meet.

― C.S. Lewis, Till We Have Faces: A Novel of Cupid and Psyche

WE WILL DANCE

This is part of the 25 days and 25 songs challenge created by Stuphblog. Click on the icon to participate and get the details.

DAY EIGHT: WHAT SONG REMINDS YOU OF YOUR FIRST LOVE?

I would like to say my first love was my husband but I can’t.  I don’t think I really understood what love really was until my daughter was born.

She got in trouble at school yesterday and she quickly learned a few lessons and one of them was that no matter what I will always love her.  She learned we all make mistakes and that none of us are perfect.  She will know that no matter what she does we will get through it together as a family.  We will teach her to accept responsibility and to make the best of consequences.  She will learn that even the most mindless mistakes can have large consequences.  And most of all she will know that her WORDS are powerful and to make them count.

Despite how upset and disappointed I was in her yesterday I was proud that she told the truth fearlessly.  I was proud and am proud she is accepting responsibility and is truly apologetic.  She will always remember this lesson and so will I.  My mom said ” I love you, parenting is hard” and never have I understood how hard until yesterday.  I love being a mom, I love my daughter, and I look forward to all the dancing we have ahead.

I HOPE YOU DANCE

~ Writer(s): Mark Daniel Sanders, Tia Sillers

Copyright: Sony/ATV Melody, Choice Is Tragic Music, MCA Music Publishing A.D.O. Universal S

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder,

You get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger,

May you never take one single breath for granted,

GOD forbid love ever leave you empty handed,

I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean,

Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens,

Promise me that you’ll give faith a fighting chance,

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.

I hope you dance….I hope you dance.

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance,

Never settle for the path of least resistance

Livin’ might mean takin’ chances but they’re worth takin’,

Lovin’ might be a mistake but it’s worth makin’,

Don’t let some hell bent heart leave you bitter,

When you come close to sellin’ out reconsider,

Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance,

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.

I hope you dance….I hope you dance.

I hope you dance….I hope you dance.

(Time is a wheel in constant motion always rolling us along,

Tell me who wants to look back on their years and wonder where those years have gone.)

I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean,

Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens,

Promise me that you’ll give faith a fighting chance,

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.

Dance….I hope you dance.

I hope you dance….I hope you dance.

I hope you dance….I hope you dance..

(Time is a wheel in constant motion always rolling us along

BECAUSE GIRLS ARE COOL – JENNIE S

The first thing that caught my eye about Jennie S is her smile.  I think you will agree it is full of sunshine and I have discovered she has a beautifully inspirational spirit.  Check out her wonderfully motivational blog Tip of My Tongue : where the wild words are

Beauty is Truth, Truth Beauty: Models from My Community
Luna
The Things I Can’t Control
A Marathon Story
Canta y No Llores (Once Upon a Time in Mexico)

JUST “HOLD ON”

So much is happening with me emotionally.  I am breaking down again at random moments.  I haven’t had time to listen to the words inside my head and maybe that is the reason I am spring loaded to DEFCON 3.  Innocent people going to jail, friends losing their parents to cancer, friends fighting insecurities and depression.  Increased social obligations (stressful when you are not a social person) and just the everyday routine of keeping up.  Oh and sleep…I need sleep…my whole family needs sleep… I think the world in general needs some GOOD sleep.  Here is how I felt this weekend when I didn’t feel I could take a time-out for myself.  Those moments you can actually feel the tired emotion building like a flood behind the gates and you think…just “hold on”.

She whispered “hold on”

I replied I was trying

I closed my eyes

And willed

Mental fingers

To cling, to dig

To stoicism

And willed

My lips to smile

Nearly giggling

To find its honesty

And willed

The dam

Between my eyelids

And my eyes to hold

She said “hold on”

I replied I was trying

I closed my eyes

As images surfaced

Sneering faces

Disapproving eyes

Contemptuous smiles

As logic disappeared

Reality tainted

Painted over

Corroded rusty lies

As my quisling emotions

Traitorous and faithless

In a sniveling disguise

Crashed to the surface

Breaking the dam

And flooding my eyes