Lolly Daskal's Blog, page 119

Give Thanks For The Circles Around You

For some it takes a special day to say thank you, or a special occasion to feel gratitude.

Some people have everything they need to be happy, but all they feel is an empty void that they work on filling.

Others seemingly have very little. terrible things may happen to them, yet they feel content and rich.

What’s the difference?

The secret lies within the circles they draw around themselves. Instead of chasing nourishment and fulfillment from outside, the ones who feel content and rich focus their desires and gratitude closer to home, within the circles that surround them.

Let’s take a moment to think gratefully about the circles that embrace us.

Make your  list—the point is to trace through your own circles, whatever they are, with love and show gratitude.

Which circle will you give thanks to?

You. The innermost circle.

You are important. Some believe you should begin with gratitude toward others, but I believe giving thanks should start at home, with yourself. You’ve made it through tough times, dark days, mistakes, failures, rejections. It’s OK to acknowledge your strengths and be proud. You must be kind to yourself before you can acknowledge another.

Your partner/spouse/lover/best friend circle.

There may be one person in your life who’s above all the rest. Most of us crave to be with another, because we enjoy a partnership. It’s a great feeling to have someone who knows you inside out, appreciates you and is always happy to spend time with you. Let that person know how much you appreciate them. A great partner is a wonderful gift.

Your family and friends circle.

These are the people you love the most, the ones you choose to spend time with—the ones whose love you can trust. These are the people you can relax and be yourself with. You may sometimes take them for granted, but remember to acknowledge and cherish them because they’re the ones who will always be there for you.

Your work and social circle.

Every day you’re surrounded by familiar faces—co-workers, employees, casual friends. They may not be the closest to you, but they’re part of your daily life and important to your happiness. Make it a point to give thanks for those in your work and social circle, because they’re likely closer to your heart than you think.

Don’t wait for a special occasion to express your thanks. Make giving thanks a holiday every day for those within the circles you draw around yourself.

Do it by honoring yourself, appreciating your partner, being grateful for your family and friends, and acknowledging your work and social circles. They’re the people who make the difference in your life, the ones who keep you from living in the void.

Lead from within: A thankful heart is contagious, but you don’t have to wait to catch it from others. Start your own epidemic today.

 

Lolly Daskal is the president and Founder of Lead From Within a consulting firm specializing in executive leadership coaching and customized leadership programs. Connect with Lolly Daskal

Additional Reading:

• At The Risk Of Being Changed


• The Power Of Parting: 7 Things You Need To Stop Doing 


• Lead From Where You Are And With All That You 


• The Wisdom Of Whole Hearted Leading

Photo Credit: Getty Images

The post Give Thanks For The Circles Around You appeared first on Lolly Daskal.

One Rule of Leadership that Can Heal the World

There is one rule that crosses all borders and boundaries, all religions and cultures. It is valid from the perspectives of psychology, philosophy, sociology, and economics, and it is one leadership rule that can heal the world.

It’s known to most of us who speak English as the Golden Rule: “Treat others as you want to be treated”

Judaism: “Love your neighbor as you love yourself.”

Christianity: “So whatever you wish that men would do to you, do so to them.”

Islam: “No one of you is a believer until he loves for his neighbor what he loves for himself.”

Buddhism: “Just as I am so are they, just as they are so am I.”

Hinduism: “This is the sum of duty; do naught unto others what you would not have them do unto you.”

Zoroastrianism: “Whatever is disagreeable to yourself, do not do unto others.”

Confucianism: “Never impose on others what you would not choose for yourself.”

Bahai: “Blessed is he who preferreth his brother before himself.”

Sikhism: “Precious like jewels are the minds of all. To hurt them is not at all good. If thou desirest thy Beloved, then hurt thou not anyone’s heart.”

Taoism: “Regard your neighbor’s gain as your own gain, and your neighbor’s loss as your own loss.”

Jainism: “A man should wander about treating all creatures as he himself.”

Zorastrianism: “That nature alone is good which refrains from doing unto another whatsoever is not good for itself.”

Ancient Greece: “Avoid doing what you would blame others for doing.”

Existentialism: “What we choose is always the better; and nothing can be better for us unless it is better for all.”

Unitarianism: “We affirm and promote respect for the interdependent web of all existence of which we are a part.”

Humanism: “Moral directives do not need to be complex or obscure to be worthwhile, and in fact, it is precisely [the Golden Rule]’s simplicity which makes it great. It is easy to come up with, easy to understand, and easy to apply, and these three things are the hallmarks of a strong and healthy moral system.”

In today’s world, where so much is made of the things that divide us, let us think of the ways we are connected.

Lead From Within: Remember we are all one and together — as leaders –we can heal the world.

Lolly Daskal is the president and Founder of Lead From Within a consulting firm specializing in executive leadership coaching and customized leadership programs. Connect with Lolly Daskal

Additional Reading:

• At The Risk Of Being Changed


• The Power Of Parting: 7 Things You Need To Stop Doing 


• Lead From Where You Are And With All That You 


• The Wisdom Of Whole Hearted Leading

Photo Credit: Getty Images

The post One Rule of Leadership that Can Heal the World appeared first on Lolly Daskal.

How to Make Better Decisions For The Best Results

Two men—one old, one young, both reading newspapers—were sharing a park bench on a lovely afternoon. The younger man asked his seatmate the time, but the old man said “no” and went back to reading his newspaper. The young man asked, “I’m sorry, have I offended you in some way?”

The old man said pleasantly, “No, not at all.”

After a confused moment, the younger man asked, “So why won’t you give me the time?”

The old man put down his newspaper. He looked at the young man and said, “When you first sat down here I could see you are a nice-looking, well groomed young man. You were reading a paper, so I could see you’re intelligent and engaged.

When you asked me the time, I could see it leading to a conversation, after which we’d become friends. And I’d invite you to dinner with my family where you’d meet my beautiful, intelligent daughter, and you’d certainly hit it off with her and begin dating, then fall in love with her and propose. And there’s no way I’m letting my precious daughter marry the kind of man who doesn’t wear a watch.”

It’s a funny story, but the message is a serious one.

The best leaders don’t just make plans; they think about the decision they make today and how it will affect them in the days, weeks, months, and years to come.

Here’s how to orient your thinking toward the future:

Anticipate consequences. Remember, when you choose an action, you choose the consequences of that action.

Consider options carefully. Each alternative comes with its own set of certainties and uncertainties, and a varying degree of risk. By adopting a structured approach to assessing challenges and evaluating the probability of adverse events occurring, you can save yourself a lot of unwanted mistakes.

Think in terms of cause and effect. The more you can work through the most likely chain of events, the better you can project likely outcomes.

Investigate and eliminate. Investigate the circumstances to make sure your understanding of the situation is as complete as possible; then focus your attention by eliminating anything that is a distraction or aside and not within the scope of the decision.

Generate good alternatives. Generating a number of different options may seem overly complicated, but the act of coming up with alternatives forces you to dig deeper and look at the problem from all different angles.

Plan far ahead. Spend some time really contemplating your decision, thinking as far into the future as you can reach.

We all make decisions, but in the end our decisions will make us.

Lead from Within: It does not take much strength to do things, but it requires a great deal of strength to decide what to do and why.

Lolly Daskal is the president and Founder of Lead From Within a consulting firm specializing in executive leadership coaching and customized leadership programs. Connect with Lolly Daskal

Additional Reading:

• At The Risk Of Being Changed


• The Power Of Parting: 7 Things You Need To Stop Doing 


• Lead From Where You Are And With All That You 


• The Wisdom Of Whole Hearted Leading

Photo Credit: Getty Images

 

The post How to Make Better Decisions For The Best Results appeared first on Lolly Daskal.

Fair Is Not Always Fair

I was sitting in a meeting with one of my clients as he was going through the details of a merger between his company and another big company. The merger was going to make big news once it happened. But for now we were still in the negotiation phase and it was rapidly coming to a close.

At the end of a long week of meetings everyone was looking forward to getting this merger done. As the meeting was coming to a close on the last day, the CEO of the other company got up and addressed my client:

“The way this merger is going to work,” he said, “is if you do your part, then I will do my part. But if you don’t do your part—if you think you will screw with me—take note that I will screw with you even more.” He ended his passionate mini-speech by saying, “Treat me fairly and I will treat you fairly.”

I looked at my client to see what he thought, but his face registered no emotion.

Everyone then left the room. I looked at my client and said, “This merger cannot go through.”

He said, “I know.”

You might be thinking the passionate speech was fair, that as long as my client treated him fairly then all would be well but if my client would treat him unfairly all war would be on.

Sometimes fair is not fair at all.

Fair is not fair when you are cultivating a relationship. Being fair in a relationship does not always work; sometimes one person gives more than other, sometimes one person works harder than the other. And being in a relationship where the attitude is to give each just what is fair is not enough. If you are going to partner, you want to give more than what is fair. You want to give more than expected, to do what is right—not what is fair.

Successful leaders care about people and go the extra mile.

Fair is not fair when you are counting your deeds. If you are in a partnership or relationship were every deed is accounted for and tallied up, you will never get far. For companies to thrive, for leadership to work, you have to give back better than what you have been given and you have to stop counting your deeds. You have to give because you want to give and not worry about what you will get back in return.

Successful leaders give back more than they have been given.

Fair is not fair when we are being human. Human beings make mistakes. That is a part of life and it is most certainly part of business. When we make mistakes we want to know that someone will be there to help us, not get back at us or punish us. If we do something wrong or if we mess up we want someone in our lives to teach us, support us, guide us, not punish us. We want grace and mercy. And the same is true if it’s the other way around. When someone in your life makes a mistake, you don’t want to go for eye-for-an-eye. You want to be able to understand and forgive. It is not about getting even, but about learning from each other.

Successful leaders are patient in the face of mistakes—their own and other people’s—and try to learn from them.

Fair is not fair in dependency. If you have a relationship or partnership grounded in dependency, you have a relationship that will fail. If you will be good to me only if you believe I am being good to you, and you are willing to punish me any time you think I’ve treated you badly, then our relationship is neither good nor fair.

Successful leaders see leadership as a way of growing and learning, and not taking and punishing.

Being fair is good but it does not always work—not in business, not in partnerships, and not in relationships. What does work is giving the best of what you have to offer and investing your time and energy in supportive partnerships that help you grow and develop even more.

LEAD FROM WITHIN: Fair is not always fair. Sometimes it’s about doing what is right.

Lolly Daskal is the president and Founder of Lead From Within a consulting firm specializing in executive leadership coaching and customized leadership programs. Connect with Lolly Daskal

Additional Reading:

• At The Risk Of Being Changed


• The Power Of Parting: 7 Things You Need To Stop Doing 


• Lead From Where You Are And With All That You 


• The Wisdom Of Whole Hearted Leading

Photo Credit: Getty Images

The post Fair Is Not Always Fair appeared first on Lolly Daskal.

In The Words Of A Leader

Words are important. We use words to communicate with our friends, to conduct business, to discipline our children. Politicians use words to convince us who they are and why they are the best candidates for the job.

The average person speaks about 16,000 words a day, which comes to about 112,000 words a week—more than five million words a year.

Words are powerful tools for leadership, but they must be used well. A leader’s words can inspire or hurt, cause laughter or tears, encourage or cut down.

How can you best use your words? Here are some checkpoints.

To make deep connections. Connecting is not about how close you get, or how long you have known each other it is about understanding. The words we speak and hear bridge the gaps between us.

To be thoughtful. Think before you speak and use your words sparingly. Leading does not mean that you are required to talk more than anyone else. Quite the opposite.

To listen more than you speak. Be a leader who has a listening ear; that’s how you learn.

To ask questions. The more you know the less you realize you know. For the best leaders, knowledge means having the right answer but intelligence means asking the right questions. Smart questions are the source of smart leadership.

To speak from the heart. We can be accurately judged by our words because they are an accurate reflection of what is happening within our hearts. True leaders don’t let their mouth speak what their heart does not feel.

To match body language. Make certain that your words and your body language are aligned. Communication is how we make connections, and studies have shown that that people believe body language over the words.

To empower and encourage. The right words can give wings to the mind and make us feel like we can fly. Take the time to empower your people. Speak with encouragement and affirm your appreciation.

For courageous conversations. Don’t be afraid of tough conversations, whether they’re about performance or character. Be brave and speak the reality. Keep your focus on behaviors and keep the behaviors linked to the values of the business.

To build trust. “Speak clearly, if you speak at all; carve every word before you let it fall,” said Oliver Wendell Holmes. Hold yourself accountable for your words.

To be remembered. Choose your words carefully—they are like weapons that can either be used against you or for you. Once they are said, they can be only forgiven but not forgotten.

We should watch our thoughts because they become words, and we should watch our words because they become actions, we should watch our actions because they become habits, we should watch our habits because they become character, and we should watch our character for it becomes destiny.

Lead From Within: Choose your words carefully, because a single word can change a life forever and a true leader knows that.

Lolly Daskal is the president and Founder of Lead From Within a consulting firm specializing in executive leadership coaching and customized leadership programs. Connect with Lolly Daskal

Additional Reading:

• At The Risk Of Being Changed


• The Power Of Parting: 7 Things You Need To Stop Doing 


• Lead From Where You Are And With All That You 


• The Wisdom Of Whole Hearted Leading

Photo Credit: Getty Images

 

The post In The Words Of A Leader appeared first on Lolly Daskal.

How To Become A Leader You Admire

As a leadership coach and business consultant I am often asked, “Where are the leaders that we can admire?”

In leadership and other areas, it’s human nature to look for a role model, someone to emulate. Most of the time that means looking up. Who has what I want? Who has the biggest office, the best title, the most money?

But the search should stop. Because you don’t have to look outside yourself, because you can become the kind of leader you want to see in the world. Everyone can.

Leadership has nothing to do with titles or money or offices or clothes. It is an attitude. It is a state of mind. It is a philosophy.

If you want to be a leader that others admire, measure yourself against the following traits:

Admirable leaders are humble. They work hard in silence and let their leadership make the noise, but they don’t shy away from being vulnerable. They apologize for their mistakes. They know pride is concerned with who is right and humility is concerned with what is right.

Admirable leaders listen. They listen actively. We never know what people think until we listen. To listen is to show you care, and it lets you know what to expect.

Admirable leaders have a positive attitude. They are not the people who see only conflict and complexity. They see the good and positivity in everything around them—even problems.

Admirable leaders have a presence. You can recognize immediately that they don’t sound or act like most other people. They don’t set themselves apart or above, but they are distinctive as they are noteworthy.

Admirable leaders encourage and empower. They are of service to others in the most meaningful ways. They encourage others to show their gifts and work from their strengths.

Admirable leaders are genuine. They do what it takes to know themselves. They’ve done their homework—and keep on doing it—in defining who they are by their values, and their lives and leadership are entirely authentic.

Admirable leaders release control. They know control is not leadership. They don’t worry about what they cannot control but focus their efforts where they can make a difference. They’re flexible and adoptable.

Admirable leaders grow new leaders. They believe in grooming new leaders. They coach others to develop and to work on their own potential. The task of great leadership is not to put greatness into humanity, but to elicit it, for the greatness is already there. Great leaders grow more great leaders.

Admirable leaders take meaningful action. They don’t just take action—they take meaningful action. Every word, every deed, every thought matters.

Admirable leaders lead with heart. They embrace a whole-hearted commitment to helping others. Positive change occurs when heartfelt and skillfully courageous leaders seize the opportunity to make things better because they care.

If you can start with this list of ten very important ways to lead, you will certainly become an admirable leader. And we can never have enough of those in the world!.

LEAD FROM WITHIN: Don’t wait for others to become the leaders you want to see in the world but make yourself into a leader others want to admire.

Lolly Daskal is the president and Founder of Lead From Within a consulting firm specializing in executive leadership coaching and customized leadership programs. Connect with Lolly Daskal

Additional Reading:

• At The Risk Of Being Changed


• The Power Of Parting: 7 Things You Need To Stop Doing 


• Lead From Where You Are And With All That You 


• The Wisdom Of Whole Hearted Leading

Photo Credit: Getty Images

 

The post How To Become A Leader You Admire appeared first on Lolly Daskal.

What Legacy Are You Leaving?

Every year Nobel Prizes are handed out for economics, literature, medicine and sciences, and peace.

These awards are made possible by a massive fortune that supports the program. The idea of honoring each year’s best of the best was created over a century ago by Alfred B. Nobel, who had become wealthy as an arms manufacturer and the inventor of dynamite.

He decided to dedicate his fortune to this noble cause because of something that happened to him—something that very few of us ever get to experience.

When Nobel’s brother died, a newspaper mistakenly ran the obituary of Alfred Nobel. What he read horrified him. He was described as a merchant of death, a man who had made it possible to kill more people more quickly than anyone else who had ever lived. Extremely upset, Nobel decided that he wanted to be remembered for something more positive.

We may never see our own obituary, but like Alfred Nobel, we all have the opportunity to craft a legacy that is aligned with our best self.

How can you create a legacy to be proud of?

Tend to your thoughts. Our lives are created from our thoughts, and when we posses control over our thinking we can choose the life we want to live. If you believe you are a failure, people will view as a failure; if you see yourself as honest, kind and loving the world in turn will respond positively to you. It is always in our choosing to choose our thoughts

The examined life. To live a full life, you must take the time to examine yourself. Plato said “Know thyself,” and Socrates urged his fellow Athenians to live noble lives—to think critically and logically, with probing minds and open hearts, because he believed that through examination we can find a life worth living and a legacy worth leaving.

Take responsibility. If you hope to accomplish great things you must begin to accept responsibility for your actions—today, tomorrow, and in the future—no matter how old or how young you are.

Make yourself necessary. Look at the world around you the people in your life, the community you live in, and think of what you can offer of benefit. Then do everything you can to offer it—in your offering you will change the world.

Give love and give it freely. Life becomes more meaningful and everlasting when you express love without condition. A loving person creates a loving world, and if you can be remembered as someone who was filled with love for humanity, your legacy will be surely be a lasting one.

Count your blessings. The act of gratitude can transform any life, from hard to happy, from melancholy to magnificent, from troubled to tender. The heart that is open to thankfulness is usually receptive to a meaningful life.

Think less about what you can get and more about what you can give. No person was ever honored for what they received but for what they gave. Go the extra mile when you give and your legacy will be great.

Working to create a great legacy helps you to be honest with yourself. You learn what is real, what matters most. you learn to be true to yourself and live your life with dignity and compassion.

LEAD FROM WITHIN: There are no limits on how you can leave our mark in this world but your legacy matters and it matters because you matter.

Lolly Daskal is the president and Founder of Lead From Within a consulting firm specializing in executive leadership coaching and customized leadership programs. Connect with Lolly Daskal

Additional Reading:

• At The Risk Of Being Changed

• The Power Of Parting: 7 Things You Need To Stop Doing

• Lead From Where You Are And With All That You

• The Wisdom Of Whole Hearted Leading

The post What Legacy Are You Leaving? appeared first on Lolly Daskal.

The Truth About Courageous Leadership

As a coach, I spend a lot of time listening to leaders. Many of the things I hear probably wouldn’t be said to anyone else. But behind the scenes it is hard for leaders—it takes a lot of courage to lead, but most of us take it for granted.

Aristotle called courage the first virtue, because it makes all of the other virtues possible. And in my line of work as a coach I believe he is right; if you are courageous it really makes all that you do as a leader have merit.

The courageous leader takes the risks when they:

Go out on a limb. It takes a lot of courage to take initiative and step out, but when it comes to new ideas and new technology, or simply changing direction in an organization, courageous leaders know the future belongs to the risk takers. Weak leaders doubt; courageous leaders are ready to take the risk for action.

Give credit to others. Courageous leaders take a little more than their share of the blame and a little less than their share of the credit. It is amazing what can be accomplished if you do not care who gets the credit.

Have confidence in others. Trusting others with their abilities and their capabilities means empowering them to decide and think for themselves. The confidence of a leader creates self-confidence, which in turn magnifies strengths and skills.

Speak their mind. Courageous leaders speak up when no one else will. They know life is short, business is important, and there’s no time to leave important words unsaid. When it comes to raising difficult issues and unpopular points, courageous leaders have a gift for speaking their mind without offending others.

Provide feedback. Courageous leaders are skillful and courageous communicators who know how to give feedback in a way that’s forthright, helpful, and positive.

Stand up for others. Some organizations have a look-out-for-yourself culture that results in placing blame and throwing others under the bus. Courageous leaders not only refuse to play but also stand by colleagues and employees when no one else will. They are fearless in their pursuit of fairness.

Create a trusting culture. Sound workplace ethics improve an organization’s impact by changing the way people speak to each other and work with each other. Courageous leaders create a fearless culture and encourage people to speak their mind. Empowered people work harder, deal better and are more willing to face and address important issues.

Courageous leaders are seldom acknowledged for their virtues; some of the best leaders are taken for granted. While we’re cultivating our own courage, let’s look around our business, organizations, institutions and workplaces to find courageous leaders and celebrate them for the risks they take every day on our behalf.

The truth is our world needs great leaders now more than ever. We need courageous leaders who will see into the future and set the agenda for others to get there.

You can develop the habit of courage by practicing it. Whenever you have a tendency to hesitate or back off from a challenge, force yourself to go forward with courage. Make it your goal to reach deep down within yourself and act with courage. Those who follow you will be glad you did!

LEAD FROM WITHIN: Courageous leaders make a choice to take action regardless of any fear. They know that courage changes lives—first our own, then others’

Lolly Daskal is the president and Founder of Lead From Within a consulting firm specializing in executive leadership coaching and customized leadership programs. Connect with Lolly Daskal

Additional Reading:

• At The Risk Of Being Changed


• The Power Of Parting: 7 Things You Need To Stop Doing 


• Lead From Where You Are And With All That You 


• The Wisdom Of Whole Hearted Leading

Photo Credit: Getty Images

The post The Truth About Courageous Leadership appeared first on Lolly Daskal.

Hit The Pause Button Before It Hits You

As a coach I meet a lot of impressive leaders. Many of them work hard and put in very long hours, always pushing themselves to the limit.

At some point they fall into risk of serious health issues or find themselves not making the smartest choices. And when that happens, leadership becomes challenging.

Leaders push themselves because they believe the more they give the better their leadership. They don’t want to seem nonproductive. In time it becomes a vicious cycle, a never-ending worry that they’re not doing enough.

But a big part of leading is learning the balance between doing and being. The secret is knowing when to hit the pause button. It may seem counterintuitive, but the more pauses you take the more productive you become—and the more effective you can be as a leader.

So when should you hit the pause button?

When your standards of excellence are slipping. If you find yourself not meeting your usual standards, it’s time to pause and reevaluate what is going wrong so you can get your performance back on track.

When you’re seriously angry. The right words are good, but nothing has ever been more effective than a well-timed pause. When you feel like a keg of dynamite just about to go off, slow down and take a short pause—count ten breaths, maybe—instead of responding immediately.

When you want to be more productive. The best way to be more productive is to take time to reassess what you are doing and why—and then, with those things fresh in mind, to begin again with laser focus

When you’re starting to burn out. Everyone needs a break from time to time. Taking some time before you hit the wall is like a good investment—in the long run, you come out ahead.

When you’re rushed. Being in a hurry is the perfect setup for mistakes, so take a minute. Doing it right the first time may take a little longer, but it’s a lot faster than doing it over.

When you’re making important decisions. Take a deep breath and make sure you’re making the best decision. Making a choice and making it right requires time to reflect.

When you don’t feel well. Make your health a priority; more and more research shows that rest and sleep are essential to physical and mental health.

When you aren’t having fun. Stop and evaluate what’s temporary and what’s permanent in the situation. Ask yourself what you can do to bring joy to what you’re doing.

When you’re on the verge of doing something unethical. The moment you find yourself thinking of doing something that will compromise your character, hit the pause button hard and look at what’s motivating you. Often it’s either fear or greed. Think your actions through, because a reputation that takes years to build can be destroyed with one bad action.

As leaders, knowing when to hit the pause button is just as important as knowing how to stay productive and prolific. Make sure you can reach yours when the moment comes that you need it most.

Lead From Within: Pause when you must, and in each pause allow yourself to respond from the deepest levels of your intuition and wisdom.

Lolly Daskal is the president and Founder of Lead From Within a consulting firm specializing in executive leadership coaching and customized leadership programs. Connect with Lolly Daskal

Additional Reading:

• At The Risk Of Being Changed


• The Power Of Parting: 7 Things You Need To Stop Doing 


• Lead From Where You Are And With All That You 


• The Wisdom Of Whole Hearted Leading

Photo Credit: Getty Images

The post Hit The Pause Button Before It Hits You appeared first on Lolly Daskal.

The Power Of Saying No

There is power in the simple act of saying no, but for many of us it’s the hardest word to say.

The biggest challenge when it comes to saying no we worry that we’ll be thought to be negative or unhelpful. While saying yes is thought to be courageous and gracious.

But the simple act of saying no has power and can often be an act of great courage, and most likely many of us should probably do more often.

The next time you’re tempted to automatically say yes, remember there is great power in saying no and sometimes it’s the best answer for everyone.

Here are some reasons when saying no has power:

Not everything is your responsibility. If you are a people-pleaser you might feel it’s your responsibility to say yes to everyone and everything. But the truth is this: Making other people happy isn’t your job, and not everything is your responsibility. You will never please everyone, and over committing can keep you from doing anything well. Decide what you choose to be responsible for and focus on always keeping your commitments.

What other people think of you is none of your business. If you’re saying yes because you want to be seen as nice or kind —forget it. People will think of you the way they think of you—regardless, of what you say. Most of the time their judgments are more grounded in their own projections than anything you do. The only thing you have to concern yourself with is who you are and whether you are being true to yourself.

You are the expert on your own priorities.  No one else has full knowledge of what’s important to you, and no one should be telling you what your priorities are. If you’re trying to do something meaningful with your life, saying yes all the time is just a long exercise in frustration. You know what’s most important to you, and those priorities can guide you in knowing when to say yes and when to say no.

You must commit to yourself. We usually think of commitments as promises we make to other people , but it’s important for your commitments to include yourself. Because all that we do, must begin with being committed to ourselves.

You have the right to live your life the way you want it.  There’s probably no shortage of people trying to tell you how to live your life, how to run your business and how to make your company work. Remember, though: How you live is your choice. How you spend your time is your choice. Sometimes saying no means living the life we want, while saying yes is allowing others to tell us what to do.

Of course there are many times you can, and should, say yes. But there are also times when saying no is powerful. It is saying that you are being true to yourself and what you want. If you value your life and success, you need to get good at saying no.

LEAD FROM WITHIN: There is power in the simple act of saying no, but for many of us it’s the hardest word to say. When you are saying no; do not lie. do not make excuses, do not over explain. Just decline. It is that simple and that powerful.

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