Madhuri Pavamani's Blog, page 5

#NationalPoetryMonth – Day 6

GEORGIA

bright lights

big city

life lived

at double-time

held onto

my drawl

my y’all

my peach

April is National Poetry Month and to celebrate – inspired by that badass word warrior Jason Reynolds and my writing promptress Jena Schwartz – I’m going to post a poem every day. They won’t be perfect, they never are, but they’ll be here, every day of April. I hope you stop by and enjoy the words and maybe even feel moved to share some of your own.

#NationalPoetryMonth – Day 5

KINDNESS

I’ve never been a sweet girl

rather prickly around the edges

callous at times

cold and closed off

The curse of the introvert

because really

that’s all misunderstanding

and somewhere deep

hidden under the layers

is a nice person

she’s just kind of shy

and doesn’t tolerate idiots

So these days

amidst all the fuckery

and madness

I’ve become more introspective

quiet

removed

I’ve crawled into myself

even further than before

It’s a means of protection

survival skill of sorts

a shoring up of the mind

to protect the weaker

heart and soul

And still he persists

I’ve snapped

for no reason at all

disappeared weeks on end

replied to his messages

only to say

yes, I’m alive

now leave me the fuck alone

Unconsciously attempting

to build a wall around myself

impenetrable

unscalable

But he’s an excellent climber

and manages to penetrate

the most impossible fortresses

offering tiny kindnesses

to warm my cold black heart

Dinner at a favorite restaurant

a hand on the small of my back

rare whiskey though he doesn’t drink

a kiss on the curve of my neck

jokes in an elevator

midnight texts

Tenderness wrapped in small packages

because he knows

it’s easier for me to swallow

Warmth in mini offerings

so I don’t feel

overwhelmed and skittish

He persists

because he knows

that for all my badassery

my don’t-fuck-with-mes

my leave-me-alones

what I really need

here and there

is a little love and tenderness

some kindness and care

and even though

I might never admit it

I’m so thankful

for his incredibly

stubborn heart

April is National Poetry Month and to celebrate – inspired by that badass word warrior Jason Reynolds and my writing promptress Jena Schwartz – I’m going to post a poem every day. They won’t be perfect, they never are, but they’ll be here, every day of April. I hope you stop by and enjoy the words and maybe even feel moved to share some of your own.

#NationalPoetryMonth – Day 4

TROIS

good things

come in threes

you

me

mind-blowing sex

April is National Poetry Month and to celebrate – inspired by that badass word warrior Jason Reynolds and my writing promptress Jena Schwartz – I’m going to post a poem every day. They won’t be perfect, they never are, but they’ll be here, every day of April. I hope you stop by and enjoy the words and maybe even feel moved to share some of your own.

#NationalPoetryMonth – Day 3

THE RULES

trip

skip

fall

flat on my face

hands splayed

legs akimbo

that is me

on a regular basis

total klutz

as if my mind

is so far off in the clouds

it forgets to control

my body

movement and thought commingle

in the least graceful manner

missing that chair

stutter-stepping along the sidewalk

catching myself on the stair

pay attention, girlfriend

the universe seems to send a gentle reminder

watch your step, mind the rules

to which I toss my head back and laugh

fuck the rules!

tripping through this game of life

then picking myself back up

is much more fun

April is National Poetry Month and to celebrate – inspired by that badass word warrior Jason Reynolds – I’m going to post a poem every day. They won’t be perfect, they never are, but they’ll be here, every day of April. I hope you stop by and enjoy the words and maybe even feel moved to share some of your own.

#NationalPoetryMonth – Day 2

LISTEN UP

I cannot be your experiment

that thing you test and tease

in the search for yourself

trying to determine

whether you can love honestly

whether you are worthy of such

in return

I have told you time and again

you can

you are

it is not my problem

you choose to play deaf

April is National Poetry Month and to celebrate – inspired by that badass word warrior Jason Reynolds – I’m going to post a poem every day. They won’t be perfect, they never are, but they’ll be here, every day of April. I hope you stop by and enjoy the words and maybe even feel moved to share some of your own.

#NationalPoetryMonth – Day 1

ACT II

Over the last few weeks

I’ve been quiet

kept to myself

I haven’t seen too many friends

I haven’t chatted about too much

I’ve kept it simple

to the norm

so nothing seems amiss

so no one senses a change

It’s been solitary

almost still

everyone assumes I’m busy

they’re busy

life hustles and bustles and flows

Little do they know

while they’ve been living

their everyday lives

I’ve gathered boxes

crates

bags

I’ve moved things

taped things

tossed things

I’ve coordinated

charted

negotiated

I’ve wrapped glasses

covered furniture

sealed boxes

I’ve prepared

planned

plotted

Because I realized one night

as I sat alone at my laptop

typing furiously in the dark

a whiskey at my side

glasses on the tip of my nose

I only have one life

but I’m lucky enough

to have two acts

And my second act

is going to be fucking stellar

So I took all my savings

my 401K

I contacted a broker

signed those papers

and I made it happen

It takes place

on a small hill

right outside Florence

in a mid-sized villa

with stone floors and wide windows

arched doorways and claw-foot tubs

There’s a bicycle

for easy access to town

and a school

because The Kid needs that education

The pool is small

but functional

same as the vineyard

and the kind souls who care for them

It’s run down and gorgeous

and just waiting

for our love

(I only hope I can find

a handyman)

Act II is in Italian

it’s romantic and beautiful

it’s so very me

And since I hate goodbyes

am horrible at parting ways

I’m going to grab The Kid

and disappear in the still of the night

without a word to any

wrapped in darkness

our laughter and excitement

mingling with the cool spring air

But don’t worry

we’ll call

and invite y’all for dinner

as we scream

through the phone

APRIL FOOLS!

April is National Poetry Month and to celebrate – inspired by that badass word warrior Jason Reynolds – I’m going to post a poem every day. They won’t be perfect, they never are, but they’ll be here, every day of April. I hope you stop by and enjoy the words and maybe even feel moved to share some of your own.

 

#ThursdayThoughts

ain’t no half-stepping

Once Upon A (First) Poetry Reading

I did it!

It’s officially in my past, the rear view mirror of life, back there while I’m all the way up here.

Last night at the Fox & Crow in Jersey City Heights, I read my poetry in front of a room full of strangers. And I didn’t vomit all over them.

Don’t get me wrong – I look terrified. I was terrified. And I used my hands way too much – I had NO idea I speak with my hands!! But I survived and only fucked up a few times and all in all, it was a stellar evening with friends, great words, and loads of bourbon.

And guess what? Thanks to my friend, Stephanie, it’s all on video, so part two of this endeavor is being brave enough to share my adventure and let y’all in on me popping my poetry-reading cherry.

Check it out

The hands are killing me. Just killing me. But next week when I go back, I swear those motherfuckers will be under control. Stay tuned.

Quote Challenge – Day 3 – The Randoms

Day 3 of the Quote Challenge is all about some of my favorite feel-good, empowering, uplifting, speak-beautiful kind of words.

I have a ton of them because I love collecting them, sharing them, referring back to them when I need a little extra bounce in my step, but keeping with the rules of this post, I’ll limit myself to three. These three are the ones that for whatever reason, spoke to me today. Catch me tomorrow, and I might hit you with totally different knowledge.

Thanks again to my friend, Kayti Nika Raet, for including me in this three-day adventure. It’s been loads of fun.

And without further ado, lemme shut up and share some quotes.

There you have it – three days of some pretty cool quotes from some pretty stellar folks. Maybe one day, someone will quote me in their own Quote Challenge…

#goals

Quote Challenge – Day 2 – Charles Bukowski

Day 2 of my Quote Challenge is devoted to my beloved drunk, my favorite grump, the poet, the lover, the bastard – Charles Bukowski. A gorgeous boy introduced me to Uncle Chuck years ago, reading through his poetry late at night, whispering, laughing, and I have devoured his words ever since.

Bukowski is not for everyone, but he sure as hell is for me. I love his grit, the raw truth of his work, the rhythm of his words, but I also love how he makes poetry feel accessible and alive and possible. He inspires me, gives me the balls to create, and the backbone to keep at it.

I know this challenge is about quotes, and I promise to share mine in a second, but it’s also about words and the power of good words and sometimes I don’t think there are any better words for writers than those Mr. Bukowski put together in his poem So You Want To Be A Writer?, so I’m going to share those first:

if it doesn’t come bursting out of you

in spite of everything,

don’t do it.

unless it comes unasked out of your

heart and your mind and your mouth

and your gut,

don’t do it.

if you have to sit for hours

staring at your computer screen

or hunched over your

typewriter

searching for words,

don’t do it.

if you’re doing it for money or

fame,

don’t do it.

if you’re doing it because you want

women in your bed,

don’t do it.

if you have to sit there and

rewrite it again and again,

don’t do it.

if it’s hard work just thinking about doing it,

don’t do it.

if you’re trying to write like somebody

else,

forget about it.

if you have to wait for it to roar out of

you,

then wait patiently.

if it never does roar out of you,

do something else.

if you first have to read it to your wife

or your girlfriend or your boyfriend

or your parents or to anybody at all,

you’re not ready.

don’t be like so many writers,

don’t be like so many thousands of

people who call themselves writers,

don’t be dull and boring and

pretentious, don’t be consumed with self-

love.

the libraries of the world have

yawned themselves to

sleep

over your kind.

don’t add to that.

don’t do it.

unless it comes out of

your soul like a rocket,

unless being still would

drive you to madness or

suicide or murder,

don’t do it.

unless the sun inside you is

burning your gut,

don’t do it.

when it is truly time,

and if you have been chosen,

it will do it by

itself and it will keep on doing it

until you die or it dies in you.

there is no other way.

and there never was.

–So You Want To Be A Writer?

Good stuff, eh?

Okay, back to the challenge – here are the rules:

1. Post on 3 consecutive days

2. Pick 1 or 3 quotes per day

3. Challenge 3 different bloggers per day

4. Thank the blogger who nominated you

As before, I’m not tagging anyone but feel free to leave quotes or notes or whatever in the comments – I’m happy to get a little chatty about Bukowski.

GAH.

Love him. Such a goddamned badass.

If you haven’t read his stuff, pick up The Last Night of the Earth Poems, it’s a great intro to his magic.