Connie Sobczak's Blog, page 3

These Black Be Body Positive Leaders are Changing the Game

These Black Be Body Positive Leaders are Changing the Game







The rest of the world is finally catching up to the fact that Black people have nourished, loved, critiqued, and built the foundations of Body Positivity since before the term existed. You don’t have to reach far to begin to understand that this entire nation was built by Black folks, and they are still not credited for it. As I continue my own journey with anti-racist advocacy, I research, understand, and relay systemic connections regularly. Black people are still highly underrepresented in all fields, including the field of eating disorders prevention and treatment.

There is power in directly supporting the representation we want to see in the world, especially when it comes to diverse representations of beauty, creativity, success, and intelligence. I am not Black, but I know that supporting Black people’s success (and not being afraid to say/do it) only enriches us all. So grab your favorite tea mug, and sip on these experiences from seven outstanding Black folks who are leading the way in Body Positive Leadership, and then hire them, donate to them, and support their work.



CINTIA CRUZ
Queer, Black feminist and Ph.D. student researching ‘How Black Women in Brazil and the United States Build Their Self-Esteem’ in São Paulo, Brazil.

Cintia stands smiling proudly second from left, with several Brazilian digital Body Positive influencers after leading her first workshop in São Paulo, Brazil. Find Cintia’s bopo comrades on Instagram: Carol Chaves (@pluskeerol), Carol Santos (@musacarol), and Carool Andrade (@diariodeumagoorda).

“I interned with The Body Positive in 2017, and received my license to become a Be Body Positive Facilitator at their August 2017 Summit in Berkeley, CA, where I also volunteered. The Summit featured several queer women of color in leadership such as; Sonya Renee Taylor, Gloria Lucas and Virgie Tovar.

Currently, I’m offering workshops in my home country, Brazil. Our culture is very oppressive, and constantly reinforces a singular, thin-bodied ideal of beauty. I want to provide a truly Body Positive space that is set up for self-reflection and building self-confidence. Black women in Brazil often believe that they don’t have time to think about themselves, they are constantly thinking of others. I want to help them to find time in their daily lives to practice self-acceptance, and embrace, as Sonya Renee Taylor would put it, radical self-love.

A tip for other black Be Body Positive leaders and aspiring leaders—Don’t worry about perfectionism. Connect your own story with other people’s and do what you want to do!”

How to connect with Cintia:

Email: cintiacruz@hotmail.com

Instagram: @cintia_cruz

LinkedIn: Cintia Cruz

Website: www.autoestimaoprojeto.com

ORIANA
High School Student and Campus Facilitator in Richmond, California (works with Cristal Banagan, featured below).

Oriana poses under a tree on a sunny day and laughs at the camera.

“In this day and age, it seems like people of all genders body shame one another a lot. I wanted to share knowledge about body positivity with others, and I knew that facilitating at my high school would bring awareness to other students and help, even if just a little bit, especially with other girls at my school. I think that, so far, we’ve accomplished that.

The Be Body Positive group at my school is very nice! Over the course of the school year, I’ve heard a lot of different and amazing stories. Many of the group participants are girls who came to the group experiencing some of the same things I have. We have all been able to connect through the group, and learn how to better understand each other. So far, I have facilitated these groups directly for about three months, but I’ve been a facilitator building the group out for a total of about six months. Our meetings are held on campus in the school’s Health Center.

One of my favorite experiences so far has been another group member telling me that hearing my story really helped them to break out of their shell, and love themselves for who they really are. They no longer try to be who they think others want them to be or look how others want them to look. They just find the beauty in being themselves! ‍

After high school I want to go to college and study criminal justice, and I now have the confidence to do it. I’ve been accepted to five different colleges so far…WISH ME LUCK! ;)”



ADENIKE OMOMUKUYO
Nigerian-American rising professional in mental health advocacy for communities of color with the pursuit of a Masters in Community Health and Social Epidemiological research in Ithaca, NY.







Adenike poses for the camera, kneeling low to the ground on the Cornell campus and smiling confidently.

“As someone ‘recovered’ from an eating disorder, my treatment experiences have influenced my indulgence in body politic work, especially as the absence of my communities of color within the journey has been painful. Having the highest intention of expanding these narratives inside these recovery spaces, I received Be Body Positive Facilitator Training from my alma mater, Cornell University, in August of 2018.

My campus training experience with Be Body Positive Cornell was a positive one, as the curriculum I learned from The Body Positive comprehensively emphasized the important multicultural/intersectional facets of body politics. However, my concerns began to arise post-training and amidst programming, because what was preached was not necessarily being practiced. In my experience, the implementation seemed so western and Eurocentric; I—a black, Nigerian, first-generation American and first-generation college student—struggled to find relationship to it. Not only was the demography of the campus program lacking in diversity and multiculturalism, but outreach efforts to challenge this were non-existent and uninterested. From my treatment journey, I had already discovered the disparities present in recovery spaces. Within The Body Positive, our unifying thread is the holistic embrace of all bodies. However, my developed understanding of the general Body Positive culture was its striking failure to enforce principles that were not just exclusive to privileged, heteronormative, white women. I did not expect the same problems to be present in what claimed to be a revolutionizing space. I was very hurt by this reality, and this is why I am pushing to eradicate it.

There are so many things that could improve with increased leader diversification. The first is visibility, as more individuals from our society’s multicultural communities, who similarly battle with body insecurities, become present and seen in the space. Next, is an improved awareness of narratives that are co-existent alongside the marketed mainstream standard, yet are barely heard. A growth in willingness to authentically share one’s story and experience also follows. I say this because representation can strongly reinforce whose voices are welcome, presenting a space as being either welcoming or oppressive. All of these create opportunity for a better appreciation of people’s diverse narratives, for these inclusions of body experience demonstrate understandings that are not just valued, but honored.

In my current efforts, I act to debunk these marginalized understandings for communities of color within the Body Positive movement, and work proactively to create new spaces that welcome intersecting narratives. These are narratives that would strive to decolonize our bodies, present an anti-racist approach, and remove micro-racial aggressions surrounding body politics. I know advocating for collective inclusion within mental health dialogues can feel uncomfortable, but the challenge must not deter us. Authentic actions like asserting our presence, claiming our stories, and raising our voices all help to eradicate the movement’s exclusivity, and increase proper support for our communities.

So, to my brave black spirits, who may be questioning their role in this movement as leaders, facilitators, or activists, I challenge you to rise and own your space, not because you ‘earned it’, but because you are deserving.”

How to connect with Adenike:

Email: aao56@cornell.edu

Instagram: @nike_omo_

LinkedIn: Adenike Omomukuyo

Y. FALAMI DEVOE
Body Liberation/Self Care Coach and the Founder of Holistic Alchemy and Sister Circle in Atlanta, Georgia.

Top Photo: Y. Falami laughing with her Sister Circle in Atlanta, Georgia. Bottom Photo: A promotional photo for Y. Falami’s coaching business, Holistic Alchemy.

“I was trained as a Be Body Positive Facilitator at their 3-day Summit in Berkeley California, in August 2017. It was an amazing experience that afforded me the opportunity to meet fabulous activists and educators who are doing the work and making a difference. I was so inspired to incorporate what I learned at the training into my Atlanta based business, Holistic Alchemy. I have shared some of the techniques and information in my Sister Circle conversations and in one-on-one body liberation coaching sessions with women.

The virtual Sister Circles are informational supportive spaces where one can learn, connect, nurture, and grow with other women; developing and strengthening self care practices. It is my hope that my Sister Circle groups will flourish world wide engaging women virtually around discussions of self care, well being, and body liberation. As an African American Lesbian in this work, it is so important for me to be my authentic self and encourage others to do the same. This means that you have to commit to doing the work on yourself, addressing any past traumas and negative experiences, and understand and share how those experiences have shaped you. Allow yourself to be vulnerable. People want to know that you are human, and that even as a leader in this work, you can share your feelings too. It helps your audience to feel more at ease. Finally, find your tribe. Find and connect with other ‘sisters’ who can support your dreams and aspirations. I am all for collaborating and connecting so that we all can help women live their best lives. Please reach out!”

How to connect with Falami:

Email: IyaLami@holisticalchemy8.com

Instagram: @holisticalchemy8

LinkedIn: Y Falami Devoe

Website: www.HolisticAlchemy8.com

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CRISTAL BANAGAN
Current seeker of equitable justice for all life forms and Associate Director at Girls Inc. in Richmond, CA.

Cristal takes a selfie, smiling down at the camera. She proudly wears a t-shirt with a pineapple sketch that says: “Be A Pineapple, Stand Tall, Wear a Crown, and Be Sweet on the Inside.”

“I first heard about The Body Positive when I attended an introductory workshop with the co-founder Connie Sobczak, hosted by a group called Alliance for Girls. I was immediately impressed with the concept and dove right in, volunteering to chat with my ‘inner mean girl’ during the workshop. Before the workshop ended, I was convinced that this kind of work could save the world and I bought Connie’s book Embody that day. I read it in one week. I researched the organization and found that what they had to say about health and self-image made a lot of sense. Having personally experienced some of the ‘healing’, I was a quick cheerleader of the program to anyone who would listen. Soon, a facilitator training was announced locally, and knowing our tiny organizational budget, I asked for a scholarship. I think there was even a random drawing for a scholarship, and I was lucky enough to be the recipient. I was trained as a facilitator in Berkeley in 2017, and my life has not been the same since…

I work with school-age girls at Girls Inc, mostly girls of color, from the most underserved schools and neighborhoods around Richmond, California. (Richmond is a working class community situated across the bay from San Francisco, and directly across from a large oil refinery. It is home of the famous Rosie the Riveter.) Regardless of who we serve, all children deserve to hear that they are worthy no matter how they look on the outside. We started with in-school programs in some middle and high schools we work in. The program was immediately popular, especially in the high schools. Most school personnel want the BP program for their girls as soon as they see we offer it. Now we do in-school programs, we infuse it into our on-site programs, and we do an on-site program specifically for girls and an accompanying adult, because I know from personal experience that women need this education, too. The whole world needs this education, because as humans, we are too far-removed from our own intuition that tells us we are beautiful from the inside out, and not the other way around.

My advice for other black people (or anyone) looking to break into this work is to do the work, even when it is scary, because not only can it save you, but it can save so many others, too.”

How to connect with Cristal:

Email: cristal.b@girlsinc-wcc.org

Instagram: @ognaturalbeauty

LinkedIn: Cristal Banagan

MISIA DENÉA
Owner and Founder of Hatha Holistic Integrative Wellness in Oakland, CA.

Misia, bathed in green light, looks out at the audience during a dance performance.

I am a professional Body Positive wellness consultant and I’ve been teaching in Oakland, California over the last 10 years. I received my Be Body Positive Facilitator License with The Body Positive at their Leadership Summit in 2017. I’m a dancer and yoga instructor and I also have created a number of choreo-poems that reflect how to overcome fat shaming and fatphobia.

The Mission of Hatha Holistic Integrative Wellness is to offer a safe, healing, Body Positive, holistic wellness experience for those who want to enjoy a deep and meaningful connection to Mother Earth, the Divine and Embodied Inner Harmony. My vision is to develop a global community of joy-filled, empowered, and embodied seekers on the path to exploring oneness, wholeness, and personal liberation in the healing arts.

A tip I have for other Black people who want to break into this work professionally as facilitators or leaders is to know that it’s important to understand how you’d like to navigate the myths of diet culture and explore how the HAES approach to wellness can reshape any toxic ideas you have about your relationship with your body.

I love being the owner and visionary behind Hatha Holistic Integrative Wellness. This Bay Area startup is focused on Health at Every Size with the idea that folks should not experience discrimination, shame, or guilt when seeking help on the journey to well-being. Over the years, I’ve noticed that the wellness industry has failed many of us with a very narrow, fat shaming approach to promoting wellness that lacks diversity. Not everyone is obsessed with the ‘beach body’ phenomenon that is often related to ‘looking healthy’. Hatha Holistic offers several individual and group-focused health coaching programs that highlight yoga for people with curves and holistic wellness for pleasure in the plus size body. Join me in a class sometime!”

How to Connect with Misia:

Email: hathaholistic@gmail.com

Instagram: @HathaHolisticWellness

LinkedIn: Misia Denéa

Website: www.HathaHolistic.com

YARROW HALPERN
Radical, Queer, Black, Brown, and Indigenous femme and healer. Bay Area born and raised. Yarrow (who uses the pronouns they/them or she/her) is a Be Body Positive Facilitator and educator who works with students at a charter high school in West Oakland, CA.

Yarrow takes a selfie, smiling warmly at the camera.

In August of 2017, my boss, Y’Anad Burrell, asked me if I wanted to go to a Be Body Positive Facilitator Training. I wasn’t sure, as the organization looked like it was only for white, middle class and wealthy women. But since she was paying for it, I went ahead and attended. I am so glad I did. I was able to learn and be in a loving space with great people, making friends from around the world that I still keep in touch with, a year and half later. I also was introduced to Connie’s book Embody which has become an incredibly valuable tool in the work that I do with youth.

I use Body Positivity with the young adults I work with because I feel that a huge gap in the education of young people is that no one teaches them how to work on their mindset. We just don’t do it. Mindset, to me, is a huge part of social and emotional learning. Our mindset affects not only how we treat ourselves, but how we treat others and the world. Without a positive mindset, we don’t invest in our own true potential.

I believe everyone deserves to feel comfortable in their skin. Everyone. And no one should be left out of the conversation. I cringe when people say things to me like ‘You’re so brave’ or ‘I wish I had your confidence.’ In the words of Sonya Renee Taylor, my body is not an apology. These backhanded compliments are not being said to smaller-bodied folx so why should they be said to me?

Advice I would give to Black folx wanting to do this work: Don’t be afraid to take up space. Know your worth, don’t work for free. I have done several workshops for free while my white or light-skinned counterparts got paid for doing the same work. Don’t settle for that. Your voice is needed. Also, clean up your Instagram. Fill it with Black and Brown folx that uplift you and inspire you. Fill it with bodies that look like yours!”

How to connect with Yarrow:

Email: YarrowHalpern@gmail.com

Instagram: @oaklandbae and @softlikemink

Linkedin: Yarrow Halpern

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For more information about how to locate Black Be Body Positive leaders near you, and to inquire about The Body Positive’s live facilitator trainings, online courses, or any of our other work, please visit www.thebodypositive.org or email info@thebodypositive.org.

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Activism in Action: Health Advocacy

Activism in Action: Health Advocacy

The doctor’s office can be a tricky place to navigate for many of us. While of course there are many wonderful doctors in the world who save lives and change them for the better, unfortunately there are also those who are ill-informed, full of pride, and lack bedside manner. These doctors can make our health pursuits challenging and complicated to say the least.

The purpose of The Body Positive’s End of Year Challenge is to give our community the opportunity to share their stories and experiences with one another. The hope is that this will inspire and empower others to live a Body Positive lifestyle, with concrete examples to help you as you travel on your path.

Each year, the prompt for the Challenge is based on one of the Competencies of the Be Body Positive Model and this year, the chosen Competency was Reclaim Health.

The goals of this Competency are to uncover the messages that have influenced your relationships with your body, food, and exercise and to develop a weight-neutral, health-centered approach to self-care. The benefits are that you become the authority of your own body by sorting out facts from distorted societal myths about health, weight, and
identity.

The prompt was: Write about a time that you advocated for yourself or someone else at a doctor’s office or in a medical scenario. What was the challenge you/they faced? How did you handle it? And what was the outcome?

MM STEIN

Here I am for another quarterly check-up, in the waiting room where I sit for 20 or so minutes waiting until the nurse comes to take me to the exam room where I will wait at least another 20 to 30 minutes for the doctor. In the meantime, to keep me busy, I am weighed and measured, my blood pressure checked, my temperature taken. Vital information regarding my vital statistics because numbers make the person, not life, not circumstances, and certainly not the actual person.

At long last, he enters, confident and friendly. The doctor looks at my numbers. My thyroid numbers. My temperature. My blood pressure and pulse. Then at last, my weight.

Ah, there it is, the cause of all my ills and troubles. If only I would get my weight down to a socially acceptable number, all my health troubles–physical, mental, emotional–would magically disappear with the “unwanted” pounds.



I am ready for him today.



Never mind the borderline Anorexia that I lived with for 15 years until I was thankfully able to recover. Never mind the Hypothyroidism, or the Fibromyalgia that would magically go away if I exercised every day, or the Irritable Bowel Syndrome/Gastrointestinal issues I have had literally my whole life. Never mind the high blood pressure and damaged heart valve that resulted from a combination of genetics and surviving full-blown pre-eclampsia that caused preliminary kidney and liver failure. None of that matters. All my health issues are because of The Fat, which I have because obviously, I lounge about all day, every day, while enjoying “naughty” foods and beverages.

However, I am ready for him today. I brought my backpack – a heavy appendage I carry all over campus with me as I sprint from class to class, building to building, sometimes having to cover long distances in limited time, in all types of weather, just to teach, so he can weigh it, feel it, for himself. This is in addition to what I call the “mom purse,” another heavy bag of survival equipment I carry daily. Add on all the daily running I do as a parent, the spouse of a stroke survivor, the sole caregiver for an elderly parent with health and mobility issues, the volunteering, and day-to-day chores and errands and anyone can see there is no time for lounging, but I take the time to make sure that my doctor does.

I also tell him that my weight does NOT define or determine my health. My size is my size and there is a WIDE range of typical body shapes and sizes (pun intended) that are “normal.” Treat my health issues – do NOT bother me about my weight/size, do NOT tell me that exercise will cure my Fibro or my Fat or anything else.

While he does admit that carrying the gear I do for the time and distance I do is exercise and that all the other day-to-day activities are, too, he is not ready to give up just yet.

I add that exercise does improve mobility and muscle and bone strength, but it does not make all-consuming pain and fatigue from a jacked-up nervous system go away, nor does it stop the immune system from attacking and demolishing the organ that manufactures the hormone that controls my metabolism and energy levels, and it certainly won’t fix my mitral valve or GI tract.

We next play “Food Police,” and when I tell him more facts about food and nutrition than he can spout at me, he eases up on that as well, especially when we agree that there are WAY TOO MANY unhealthy and dangerous things hidden in our mass-produced food supply.

He finally acquiesces and gets down to the job of actually treating my actual health issues and no longer tells me that “ideal” size = ideal health. The new alliance has held for 5 years now. He now keeps to actual medical history and family history/genetics and I keep him as a doctor.‍

To be in touch with the author, email mmstales@gmail.com



anonymous

I wonder how to share such a private and significant struggle in my life. What gives me courage is the hope that by sharing, it will help another break the isolation and shame that comes with sexual pain. I also want to liberate my younger self, the part of me still carrying shame and sadness, and tell her there is nothing to be ashamed of, it is part of my life story and my story is beautiful.

I was 29 years old, planning my wedding, a time that should have been joyful, exciting, and fun. However, I began having severe pain in my pelvic and vaginal area. I went to my gynecologist and he prescribed medication. I hoped this would solve the problem. It did not. My wedding day was steeped in discomfort and excruciating shame. During my honeymoon, sex was so painful. Newly married, and I couldn’t bear sex with the man I loved and I felt too ashamed to even tell him. I came home, finally told my husband, and proceeded to go back to my doctor. He kept prescribing the same medications, sent me to a urologist who found nothing, and sent me back to my doctor, who looked at me in disgust and told me there was nothing wrong with me and what I needed was a psychiatrist. I left his office feeling completely hopeless and lost.

My doctor…looked at me in disgust and told me there was nothing wrong with me and what I needed was a psychiatrist.



By this point, I was in the second year of my marriage. I was severely depressed. I remember seeing other women, complete strangers, and feeling so profoundly inadequate and ashamed, believing I was the only one. One day, while lying on my couch, I listened to a doctor on a talk show describing exactly what was happening to me. They gave a number to call. I called, got an appointment, and got affirmation that my symptoms and the struggles I was experiencing were very real. It was a condition called Vulvodynia.

Fueled with information that validated a real condition I went back to my doctor so that if another woman came to him with the same symptoms, he would be able to help her. I wish I could say it went well. My doctor was dismissive and terse, not even wanting to look at the information I brought. I never saw that doctor again.



I am a strong advocate for myself. This is my body and I am the only one living Her experience.

Today I am 55, beginning my journey into menopause. I find myself again dealing with sexual pain, but because of what I have been through, I am profoundly committed to living a vibrant and active sex life. I am a strong advocate for myself. This is my body and I am the only one living Her experience. There is so much help available, and I find this help only when I stop believing I am the only one, break the isolation, and start talking about it.

To be in touch with the author, please email info@thebodypositive.org

KALEY SECHMAN

I am writing this as a dietitian, a woman, and most importantly for these purposes, a daughter. I am the daughter of a strong woman who has always been an inspiration, an amazing role model, caregiver, and friend. Over the course of my adult life, I have witnessed my mom endure (with a smile on her face) pain from degenerative joint disease that affects both of her knees to the point that she needs a double knee replacement. She has been living with the pain for years with minimal complaints. It wasn’t until recently that the pain has become unbearable for her.

I am continuing to learn about how to do better and advocate for those who are marginalized, including my mom.



After avoiding surgery for years, my mom recently dug up the courage to seek out orthopedic surgeons to find someone who could help her. Unfortunately, she only encountered discrimination and weight-bias, which has left her feeling defeated, ashamed, and discouraged—something she often experienced when seeking out medical care. (And here’s a kicker—she’s a Registered Nurse.)

I have recently been fully awakened to the extreme amounts of bias and discrimination that individuals in larger bodies face in the healthcare system. This is why, as a dietitian, I have been practicing under the Health at Every Size® paradigm and learning more about how to do better for everybody. I have become increasingly aware of the immense privilege living in a thin body allows me and I am continuing to learn about how to do better and advocate for those who are marginalized, including my mom.



My mom (everyone) deserves quality, un-biased care. She (everyone) deserves to live a full life.

After learning the details of my mom’s experience with not one, but two “highly recommended” orthopedic surgeons, I was furious and hurt for her. I was not going to let this be. My mom (everyone) deserves quality, un-biased care. She (everyone) deserves to live a full life. I pooled together my resources (research included) and together, my mom and I composed a letter to send to the healthcare system that treated her so poorly. We detailed her experience with these doctors and provided high quality research to support our points. A few short days following the submission of her letter, she received a call from a patient advocate who was going to do an investigation into my mom’s case and assured her that she would help her find an orthopedic surgeon who would treat her with dignity and respect.

Because this unfolded very recently, we do not yet have a resolution or a future direction, however, I am hopeful. I am grateful that my mom trusted me enough to share with me. I am grateful that she allowed me to be an advocate for her—something she has done for me and others countless times…‍

To be in touch with Kaley, email dietitiankaley@gmail.com

KATE MAMMOLITO

I survived without a period for seven years. It started at 22, when I went off birth control for the first time since age 17. This, of course, was a double-edged sword. No cramps, bloating, chaotic mood swings, edginess, cravings, discomfort from enlarged breasts. I mean, who wouldn’t want to stop getting that darn thing? But unfortunately, a healthy period is a sign of a healthy, functioning system chock full of critical hormones and active ovaries. So while the symptoms suck, NOT having those symptoms, in the long-run, sucks even more.

I saw a few Gynecologists, one being a very prestigious, top university-accredited specialist, and all of them wanted to put me on birth control again to stimulate my ovaries. Their diagnoses were always vague, and their recommendations to “fix” the problem included only medications and hormone supplements.



What started out as “healthy living” soon became a full-blown eating disorder.



What I failed to mention, and shockingly, none of the doctors ever asked, was that I dropped a huge amount of weight over a short period of time. What started out as “healthy living” soon became a full-blown eating disorder. By the time I came home from freshman year, I was barely eating.

My body, which I’ve now accepted, is as stubborn as my brain. It knows its set-point weight. So the more I starved myself or ate in a disorderly way, the harder it was to maintain the weight loss. Ups and downs, both mentally and physically. My body and my spirit were an absolute mess, and so were my hormones.

So at 22, without the birth control to stimulate my ovaries and keep my hormones at bay, I just stopped getting my period. No doctor ever asked what I was eating (which wasn’t much) and how much I was exercising (which was a lot). One doctor even said, “Well you lost that weight so long ago, so that wouldn’t affect your cycle now.” Another said nutrition wasn’t their “area of expertise.” Eye roll…



I left the office with the nurse practitioner’s comment in my head. “These meds will help you lose weight,” she said with a smile. “You’ll be so much happier when we see you next.”

It took seven years to finally get a natural period and that did last about two years. But stressful shifts in life happened and slowly, my cycles, like my happiness, became less and less. I was stressed for a multitude of reasons, including my living environment, unhealthy relationship, etc. etc.

So at 31, I went to my fourth endocrinologist and they diagnosed me with Polycystic Ovary Disease. Along with being placed on Metformin, which helps regulate insulin since PCOS can make you insulin-resistant, I left the office with the nurse practitioner’s comment in my head. “These meds will help you lose weight,” she said with a smile. “You’ll be so much happier when we see you next.”

I’m 35 now. I stopped taking Metformin two years ago since it didn’t seem to be doing much. I spent my 20s and early 30s believing I would never be able to get pregnant, all because no medical professionals paid attention to the mental and nutritional end of things. At 33.5, I walked into the bathroom and bam, there it was. All natural. And I’ve been regular ever since. My fifth endocrinologist monitors me monthly, and I’ve been PCOS-free to-date.

So how did this happen? Eating normally. Removing myself from an extremely unhealthy relationship and moving into my own apartment. Landing a great job. Diving way deeper into yoga, body positivity, and meditation, and refusing to settle for relationships that don’t support my wellbeing.

I don’t care what any healthcare professional says about the correlation between a woman’s hormones, menstrual cycle, diet, and mental well-being. If they do not ask me these questions up front, I do not go back. It is absolutely all connected, and calming the hell down is critical to alleviating so many health problems we as women today experience.

This is my silent advocacy. Sharing my story, and never scheduling a second appointment with a doctor who doesn’t honor my mind/body connection.

To be in touch with Kate, email kmammolito@gmail.com

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Prevention Nourishes Hope in Eating Disorders Treatment

Prevention Nourishes Hope in Eating Disorders Treatment

Today I learned that a client I’ve been treating for a chronic, long-term eating disorder will not be returning to therapy. She does not feel hopeful and cannot go on with treatment. She is an adult and gets to choose whether to keep struggling or to stop treatment when she feels exhausted. The suffering of a long-term eating disorder is intense, chronic, and sometimes incurable. Facing this tragic moment, I find renewed resolve to stay involved in eating disorders prevention with The Body Positive.

The grief my clients face, losing a year of their lives or two years or twelve to their blinding preoccupation with their bodies, is so tragic. Their losses are so profound, the waste of potential so overwhelming. I do the best that I can in my clinical work, bringing a whole host of beautiful resources from The Body Positive and even so, sometimes, people don’t get well. It’s hard to overcome an eating disorder, especially if it’s been going on for years and years. I feel deeply saddened about my dear client’s suffering. Each morning in my meditation practice I send her kindness and hold her in my heart. I do not blame her for being too tired to continue. I send kindness to her parents, I know their suffering is terrible.

Focusing my attention on prevention is what gives me strength.

I keep my sights focused upstream, to address the causes and conditions that lead to these horrible disruptions in healthy embodiment and I feel deeply gratified to be part of the solution. I stay steady in my vision of a world without body hatred and eating disorders. I know from experience that reaching young people with our Be Body Positive messages, before they start an eating disorder or even in the first year of suffering, is a gift and a blessing and can prevent a chronic eating disorder. Learning to listen to the authority of their own bodies can prevent years of pain, huge losses, and maybe even an early death.

I am grateful for the work with The Body Positive because it nourishes my hope and confidence and keeps me in shape to continue sitting with clients who are in dark places. I know it is possible to help a client recover, to intervene early, and to prevent an eating problem in the first place, and this keeps me focused on possibility in times of sadness and loss. Instead of sinking into despair, I am nourished by contributing to positive change. I am helping people to turn away from self-loathing and focus on making positive change in their own lives and in the world, and that is what this dear world needs.

Recently, I’ve been seeing Body Positive messages popping up in films, advertising, literature, everywhere. I feel a sea change happening in our culture. These days it’s pretty hard not to have heard of intuitive eating, the idea that you can accept your body, and that diversity in body shape and size is part of human beauty. Everywhere I look I see someone talking about protecting and celebrating diverse bodies. The word is spreading, we are making progress. So many people will have an opportunity to avoid a terrible disruption in their development of a vital relationship to their bodies. These are the signs that give me hope and soothe my heart, which is tired from the suffering in my clinical work and in the world.

So I accept the choices my adult clients make. I lean on the counsel of experienced providers like Dr. Jennifer Gaudiani for advice and I keep on keeping on, one day at a time, with good self-care, spreading kindness into the world. I am deeply grateful to all of you who are reading this message for the work you are doing to bring inner peace to yourself and others. We are a community and a force for healing. I am grateful for your support.

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To learn how to incorporate The Body Positive’s resources into your practice, check out one of our in-person trainings or our online courses.

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Queer Fertility is a Body Positive Journey

Queer Fertility is a Body Positive Journey

The World Health Organization (WHO) defines infertility as “a disease of the reproductive system defined by the failure to achieve a clinical pregnancy after 12 months or more of regular unprotected sexual intercourse.” Regular, unprotected sexual intercourse? Obviously, they didn’t have queer* families in mind when creating this commonly used definition.

I am not considered infertile by this definition, but when my wife and I decided we wanted to have a baby in early 2017, I was forced to be diagnosed as such. I was also required to take medications that I didn’t need in order to even be seen by a reproductive endocrinologist, just to begin the family planning process. The diagnosis is now part of my permanent medical file, as are the physical, emotional, and financial impacts of the medications I had to take. Not to mention the impacts of the rest of the process my wife and I have been struggling through over the past two years.

What message is being sent when people have to be diagnosed as infertile simply for being in a relationship that isn’t heterosexual and/or cisgender? While some queer folks struggle with infertility like the rest of the population, the reasons queer people seek help creating a family more often have to do with needing access to sperm, or access to a uterus and eggs. Infertility is serious and deserves its own field. So does queer family planning.

We need more medical professionals that are empathetic to the differences between true infertility and queer family planning, and who consider the urgent need for queer-friendly, Body Positive practices when treating queer patients.

The goal of Intrauterine Insemination (IUI) is to increase the number of sperm that reach the fallopian tubes, hopefully increasing the chances of pregnancy. The average successful IUI takes somewhere between 3-6 cycles or more, and many people choose to move to an in-vitro option (IVF) by cycle 6, if they can afford it. Each IUI cycle can cost around $2,000 ($15,000 or more for each IVF, even with insurance). Added testing for infertility treatments can be through the roof, not to mention the time needed to take off work for sometimes multiple appointments a week. I am grateful that I work for an ethical organization like The Body Positive, that I have colleagues who value radical self-love, and that I’m fortunate enough to be able to access this process, despite the challenges. Many people cannot afford the industry-side of fertility treatment, and that is another major issue.

I am encouraged by the brave people who spend years undergoing infertility treatments. My wife and I have been at this process for about two years (so far). It’s exhausting. So it’s comforting to know we aren’t alone. I also have deep respect for those who opt out of having kids at all. The global human population is rising fast, and there’s a lot to consider on how the earth will sustain future generations. Further, over 400 thousand kids are in the foster system in the United States. It can be a difficult process, especially for queer couples who, depending on where they live, still run up against homophobic legislation and belief systems, that believe a child is better off in foster care than with a queer family. Some biological parents don’t want to surrender a child to queer adoptive parents. In many foster-to-adopt or private adoption information sessions, the question of whether to mention that you are a queer person/couple or not is covered at length. Society often assumes queer people should not have children, that it’s not natural or spiritually moral.

MD Spicer-Sitzes (the author, left) and their partner Cathy

It hurts to be told that nature and God are offended by our desire to be parents. Where do we draw the line? Having a baby with a partner who shares the same reproductive anatomy might not be biologically “natural,” but heterosexual, cisgender couples use infertility methods all the time. Needing help to conceive isn’t a queer-only issue. The desire to make a family is a deeply felt emotion and having to use medical intervention is not always an affront to nature; it can be another way to support a very natural expression of human desire. It is extremely natural to want to have children regardless of gender identity or sexual expression. It’s also natural not to want children. No one should be able to dictate your desire to have or not have a family for you.

The entitlement that people feel to impose their beliefs onto a queer couple trying to have a baby doesn’t stop there. One nurse told me that she wasn’t sure if the medical procedures for Cathy and me were the same as they are for a “normal” couple. Another referred to her as my “friend.” These microaggressions make an already painful experience worse.

In my work with The Body Positive, I’ve been witness to and a part of countless conversations about our individual and collective experiences of marginalization, and the experiences that contribute to our unique beauty. Authentic body positivity is about justice. Body positivity acknowledges the truth that beauty is diverse and wide. My beauty includes my desire, as a queer, gender-fluid individual, to have a family with my wife. It’s a vision of mine to see more Body Positive, queer- and transgender-friendly family planning services, especially in fertility and reproductive health clinics. In order to make change like this happen, we need people to understand what true body positivity is, and just how much it is needed if we want healthcare to be equally accessible to all.

Whether we want to stop medical diagnoses based on BMI, advocate for wheelchair accessibility everywhere, challenge racism in institutions, or advocate better ways for queer people to create families, body positivity is at the core.

There’s a myth around equality that I think true body positivity debunks; the myth that we are all the same. We are not all the same, and these differences should be celebrated, not denied. There is not a singular way for body positivity to exist, however, there are some common connections at play here and it brings me hope to see more and more people recognizing the great impact that a practice of body positivity has.

Perhaps the secret to overcoming our isolation and fear about the queer family planning process includes first working to dismantle the social taboos that exist for (all) people who experience an infertility diagnosis. We then need to also dismantle taboos around gender, sexuality and queer parenting, and that takes community. While it’s true that there can be damaging messages on social media; it can also be a haven of support. I often think about the fifth core Competency of the Be Body Positive Model, Build Community, and reassure myself that I have a giant community, inclusive of Body Positive and queer couples and individuals who want and/or have children. My community has given me so much hope, especially as this has been, until now, such a private process for my wife and me.

There is still so much we don’t know about the universe, the earth, the human body; the mystery does not imply that we shame it. Queer pregnancies, and queer bodies in general are not unnatural, they just need some extra support sometimes, like everyone. Needing a doctor’s help to conceive should not be a stigmatized experience. It’s something many people go through, queer or not. Being queer doesn’t make our desire to have a family any less valid and it doesn’t make us any less deserving to try. What I always come back to is the expansive quality of love that Cathy and I feel—and we’re bursting at the seams with it—which seems like the most important part of parenting of all. And we are ready to share that love with a child.

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If you work with LGBTQ+ communities, and are interested in learning a Body Positive approach, ask me about my workshop: Queer Bodies: Applying the Be Body Positive Model to the LGBTQ+ Community: md@thebodypositive.org

*The author uses the term ‘queer’ in this article as an umbrella descriptor for non-hetereosexual and gender-diverse people.

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Body Positive Pregnancy

Since I started working with The Body Positive I’ve wanted to bring our program to pregnant people and new parents. I say pregnant people because not everyone having babies identifies as female. Pregnant folks are subject to the sea of mixed messages and double binds we all receive from friends, family, media, and healthcare professionals with the added detail of having a baby. Learning how to be the authority of your own body is much complicated by the pressure to do this for your baby. As a birth and postpartum doula, often witness to the conversations that pregnant people have with those in their immediate communities and with their care providers, I’ve observed firsthand the confusing messages about the pregnant body – what it should look like, how much weight to gain, to lose, what is safe, what is normal. What I’ve found is that pregnant people are held to an unrealistic standard for health and beauty – a standard that does not appreciate genetic or cultural diversity or health history – and one that may lead to poor health outcomes for parents and babies. I’m saddened by the disproportionate focus on weight gain and immediate weight loss in pregnancy and the distraction from true wellness.

Earlier this summer I had the privilege of working with a Body Positive intern, Lily Stoner, who studies biology at Oberlin College and is an aspiring midwife. Together we compiled a wealth of articles, essay, and studies about health and pregnancy. What we found was shocking. From the most seemingly prestigious places, pregnant people were told to limit their weight gain, to use the BMI as a health indicator (although the BMI does NOT account for pregnancy), and to be extremely fearful that too much weight gain will hurt their babies. Recently, and quite serendipitously, DONA International published a newsletter dedicated to plus-size pregnancy. The newsletter offered extremely compelling research demonstrating a Health at Every Size (HAES) approach to pregnancy.

There is not just one body that can have a healthy pregnancy. This message is important for all bodies! Which is why I am so very excited to announce that The Body Positive will be creating a new program dedicated to pregnancy and birth. A workshop shop for pregnant people, mamas, friends, doulas, midwives, and health care providers will be on the calendar soon. Stay tuned for more information. I’m looking forward to sharing this work with you.

Amanda Rose Kessner

Outreach Coordinator

Eating in Balance This Holiday Season

“When walking, walk. When eating, eat.” – Rashaski Zen Proverb

I love this quotation because it speaks precisely to what mindful eating means for me. Mindful eating means being present with my food–paying attention to how it tastes, the color, the texture, and namely the pleasure it brings me. Sometimes when I’ve waited too long to eat I inhale my food, and can’t tell you what it tastes like. Sometimes when I am preoccupied by the labels I attach to foods (“healthy”, “unhealthy”, “good”, bad”), I don’t really taste the food either. In the latter example, eating becomes more about the labels and less about eating. Part of my personal mindful eating practice–and it differs for everyone–is that I want to really taste my food. I want food and eating to bring me a lot of pleasure because it sustains me. To live, I must eat everyday, so I want to enjoy it.

The holidays are a time to celebrate with friends and family. With celebration comes food. This can be stressful. During the holidays (and any other time that differs from our normal schedule) we eat different foods and different amounts. This can feel good and bad. Many of us like holiday food but can’t enjoy it because of what we attach to it. Something that has made holiday food more enjoyable for me is eating in balance. Eating in balance allows me to be more present when I eat; it allows me the flexibility to eat foods that I don’t ordinarily eat with greater ease, and to get more pleasure out of food.

I first learned about eating in balance at a Body Positive workshop. During the workshop Connie talked about how this balancing act involves the inevitable ebb and flow of life. Sometimes there’s a birthday, your schedule changes, maybe you’re sick and are eating a lot of chicken soup! All of these variables affect balance. What was especially key for me was how she acted this out. With her arms stretched out at her sides, she teetered ever so slightly back and forth to demonstrate how balance is far more fluid than rigid. As she described the balance of her young daughter around Halloween, she leaned more to one side. Then describing another occasion, she shifted to the other side. Side to side she swayed, almost like a dance. And she was right! Balance is not static, it is the harmony of our life and it is very much in motion.

Before I suggest that you can eat anything if it’s a special occasion, I want to clarify that I don’t suggest eating foods that make you feel physically bad, give you a stomach ache, or are hard for your body to digest. No occasion invites discomfort. It’s also important to distinguish between the discomfort you feel from eating food that doesn’t necessarily agree with your body and the guilt you may feel from eating food you think is “bad” for you. You can make this distinction by asking yourself how you feel about the food you eat. Checking in with myself has resulted in being able to identify cravings, and eating food that I want to eat when I want to eat it.

I have been able to enjoy holiday food more when I put it in context–when I allow it to harmonize with the rest of my food. Too cryptic? Okay. Although I eat differently during the holidays I know that it’s not how I eat all the time. Sometimes I lean more to one side, and sometimes I shift to the other side. Sometimes I sit in the middle. Part of striking my personal eating balance means including foods that I don’t normally eat. There is no balance when I only eat one kind of food. I require a diversity of foods for harmony.

When we consider eating and food in the context of a great balancing act that we practice over the span of our lives, eating certain foods that we don’t “normally” eat may not feel so unusual or extreme. This allows far more flexibility and perhaps will combat some of the preoccupation that comes from eating food we may think of as aberrant to our everyday. We certainly get pleasure when we eat foods that are nutritious. And many holiday foods are. Some holiday foods are less nutritious, but the taste, color, and texture can bring you a lot of pleasure and being present with that pleasure, inviting it into the harmony of your balancing act, will make life much more pleasurable overall.

By Amanda Rose Kessner

The Body Positive Outreach Coordinator

More from Amanda…

Dear Friends of The Body Positive,

I wanted to introduce myself. I’m Amanda Kessner, The Body Positive’s new outreach coordinator. I’m a self-proclaimed lover of sisters, feminism, and food. I went to UC Santa Cruz and studied feminist theory and food systems. Later I began my PhD in the Midwest where I continued studying feminism, but something was not right. After many tears and long distance phone calls I told my advisor that I was in an unshakable rut, and needed to go home. Back home in the Bay Area my sister invited me to a Body Positive workshop. Both of my older sisters have struggled with eating disorders–one in private, one more openly. With the latter, I’ve been there the whole way. She and I have talked about eating disorders for what feels like an eternity. You can assume the exhaustion.

After years of treatment she can’t seem to shake the self-hatred that fuels her eating disorder. Outside of her eating disorder, we are deeply connected. When I was born, she thought that my mother gave birth to me just for her. Since we were young, we’ve been inseparable–traipsing through our backyard eating blackberries and drinking hose water. We have a knack for reading each other’s minds. We’ve been accused of speaking a language that only we know–which I don’t deny. She is my chosen person. Although our relationship is special beyond explanation, it is plagued by her eating disorder, which has threatened to tear us apart for the past six years. When she invited me to the workshop, she had already attended one and spoke so affectionately for the experience that I was eager to experience it myself.

The workshop filled my mind and heart with a new approach to self-care. I left on a high of positivity, feeling as though I had for the first time ever learned a solution to eating problems and self-hatred that was sustainable. The workshop stayed with me for months after. The past two months with The Body Positive have reenergized a part of me long dormant. I had been craving new purpose and intention in my life. As someone deeply passionate about self-care and deeply critical of what being “healthy” has come to stand for, I am privileged to join The Body Positive movement at such a pivotal time. 2014 marks the release of The Body Positive’s book, Embody: A Guide to Celebrating Your Unique Body (and quieting that critical voice!), and an exciting collaboration with Stanford University to research our college leadership training program.

Perhaps most importantly, my recent involvement with The Body Positive is transforming my relationship with my sister. It has completely transformed the way we talk about food, eating, and our bodies. Where we once approached body hatred from a clinical place, we now come from a place of self-love, with greater sensitivity and attention to overall wellness. Since we both attended the workshop, and since I became directly involved with The Body Positive, not a single day has passed where we haven’t talked about The Body Positive. I struggle to describe the profound effect that The Body Positive continues to have on my life the same way I struggled to describe my relationship with my sister. This must be because it’s hard to articulate the gravity of love and support.

I am eternally grateful for how The Body Positive has changed my life, and is changing the lives of the people I love. I had grown tired and disheartened by my sisters eating disorder. For the first time in years I can honestly say that I see an end to my sister’s eating disorder, and I can imagine our future together without it. I am beyond ecstatic to have joined this wonderful community and Body Positive movement. And I look forward to sharing with you in the near future.

Then and Now

Then and Now

There’s a lot of talk of awkward phases. I’ve observed many friends smiling uncomfortably as they confess that they used to be so undesirable before they made this or that change to their appearance or demeanor. “I used to be so ugly when I was younger, before I lost weight.” “I used to be so socially awkward. Believe me, you wouldn’t have wanted to be my friend.” I would guess that such statements in part stem from the person’s desire to feel validated as they are now, to hear in response, “Wow, you’re so skinny/not awkward now, I can’t even picture it.” The people giving this reassurance of course also speak from the mindset that skinny is somehow better than fat, and that poor social skills somehow make you undeserving of friendship. But while this mindset is wrong, if people bullied or made fun of you in the past for something, it can feel really comforting in the moment to try to distance yourself from that younger version of yourself by drawing attention to how you’ve changed.

I would argue, though, that such actions don’t actually make a person feel better on a deeper level. Putting down who you used to be, while solely focusing on some superficial aspect of yourself that has changed since then, is harmful to the storyteller as well as to the listeners, in that it reinforces a focus on external factors when evaluating one’s worthiness in life. This might or might not be accompanied by a fleeting internal thought of, “Oh, I’ve got to make sure never to look or come across like that again,” which can create unhealthy pressure. And such stories and comments can be triggering to those listening. Your friend who has been thinking a lot about dieting recently might take your “I used to be so fat” story as yet another reason to monitor her weight in order to never be “ugly” like you were.

The truth is, you were never a bad or unworthy person because of the way that you looked or acted. People may have teased you, but they were cruel, and they were wrong. It was not your fault. You always deserved respect and acceptance no matter what you looked like or came across as. You may have been really fat a couple years ago. You may have had a lot of acne, or a unibrow, or you may have worn shapeless and holey clothing. You may have stuttered a lot, said things other people found obnoxious, or said nothing to anyone. These things are intrinsically neutral. Society is the one who arbitrarily attaches negative meanings and associations to these things, and our peers and authority figures enforce them. Sometimes it can be hard to realize that you have always looked fine, you have always been fine, and your value as a person does not hinge upon your ability to fit the expectations of others.

When looking back at old pictures of yourself, please know that the person you see is just as deserving of love and compassion as you are now. You may have been a lot fatter before and been made fun of for it, but the weight you lost hasn’t been replaced by worthiness as a person, because you had that all along. You may have been considered “socially awkward” by peers years ago, and you may have developed better social skills since then, but you always deserved friends who saw past that to the complex, unique person you were and appreciated you for it. You, my friend, are great these days, but not for how you have changed, but for who you have always been.

By Sarah Wolf

The Body Positive intern

Welcome to The Body Positive

Welcome to The Body Positive

Welcome to The Body Positive’s new blog! Much of our work centers on creating community and sharing stories. This is your opportunity to share, comment, ask questions of, or just relate to this community! I want to welcome those of you who are new to The Body Positive and welcome back those who have anxiously awaited the launch of the new site!

We believe that women can make the choice to love and accept themselves just as they are, and that we can fight against the messages we get daily to change ourselves, most of which are given by the people who profit off of our suffering. The Body Positive is not a diet group, a body-bashing group, or a group where we share calorie counts or numbers on a scale. It is our goal to create awareness of the choice we can all make to start living outside the realm of diets and body hatred or obsession with changing our physical selves.

Loving ourselves just as we are in this moment, without an expectation of changing our bodies in order to feel more beautiful, more accepted, more of whatever someone tells us we should be, bridges the gaps we feel when we are among other women, and it strengthens our bonds with each other and uplifts our spirits. It is time to take back our power and our lives and end the silent suffering of women. We have created a community where beauty is inclusive of everyone, where beauty is love, strength, creativity, and compassion.

We dedicate ourselves to urging all women to take a deep breath and start living.

I feel very proud in my body today. I am learning to live this work in every facet of my life. When I feel uncomfortable or start to second guess how I see my body, I use it as a new opportunity to face a challenge. I remind myself to forget external rules, and to ignore the voice in my head telling me what I should or shouldn’t wear or how a shirt sits on my belly or how my legs look in a certain pair of pants.

I am aware that when I feel good about myself, people respond to me! I could pick myself apart in a photograph but then I remember, I was really happy when the photo was taken. What about that happiness? Others will notice my happiness way more than my belly, and they will be completely unaware of how I feel my belly looks!

When we look at things and search for the greater picture or the greater person, we see true beauty. I want to be the most authentic person I can be, and changing any part of me would move me in the opposite direction of that authenticity.

If I think about where I want to find love, my journey always leads me back to myself. So it is my goal to start and end that journey from a place of love-self love!

We welcome your comments and look forward to hearing your stories.

Jessica Diaz

Joy-one day at a time

Joy-one day at a time

 

Jessica Diaz

When we commit ourselves to self love, it doesn’t mean our insecurities, worries, or fears magically disappear. But somehow-and maybe it is magical-when we hold ourselves with love, we have the wisdom to know that no matter what negative thoughts creep in, we are inherently good, and exactly who we are meant to be.

At The Body Positive workshops, we talk about the role our critical voices play in our lives. The critical voice is that nagging voice that torments us and makes us feel terrible about ourselves. Your critical voice may be your own nasty voice in your head, or it may be the memory you hold of what people have said to you that made you feel worthless. Often, the voices in our heads that we identify as our own, are actually the blending together of the messages from the people who have wounded us in the past with their words. A parent, a friend, a lover-their negative words have power-and we turn their messages into our own, without knowing we have done so.

Depending on what is going on in our lives, the voices may be soft or they may actually shout at us, commanding our attention. What is important to notice, no matter how softly or loudly our internal critic persists, is that the critical voices negatively affect our bodies, both physically and emotionally. Listening to, and believing, the critical voice is very damaging to our souls. It changes our whole perception of the world around us and makes us feel afraid, alone, vulnerable, and sometimes numb as we try to connect to others.

The work of self love honors the voice of the heart. While we cannot always remove our critical voices, and while we cannot insulate ourselves fully from outward influences and things beyond our control, we can choose what we take in. Loving ourselves means we know we are exactly enough just as we are, and that there is nothing we need to change about ourselves to be happy. We can learn to cultivate the loving voice by fine-tuning it like a radio station, so that its kind and compassionate messages make the critical voices fade.

Self love is what supports us when times are tough. It is what protects our hearts when people are cruel. It is what holds us in a cocoon of love and adoration, despite the inevitable sorrows of life.

When we feel down, it is as if there is no good anywhere in life. An important practice for me is to think about my days measured in joy, rather than misery. At the end of each day, I often ask myself:

What was good about my day?

What made me smile?

What made me laugh?

How can I recreate these feelings on a daily basis?

Does this mean changing my schedule to fit in more joyful experiences?

Does this mean spending more time with friends or spending more time by myself?

The ways in which we can bring joy into our lives are numerous. There is just as much joy in this world as there is sorrow. And if you fine-tune your receptor, you may catch more moments of joy and hold on to them longer. My joy practice is to smile. When things are going awry and I feel off balance, I smile and hold my hand to my heart. Just this simple act helps me know I am okay and I am good and this difficult moment will pass.

Try taking a deep breath and smiling, because it is impossible to frown and smile at the same time. Smiling for no reason lightens our spirits. Our light is then radiated out to the world and we create moments of joy for others.

I choose to see joy! I choose self love!

When I Became a Woman

When I Became a Woman

I have always had this sense of wanting to become a woman. To me, a woman was power, grace, a ‘juicy mama’, a goddess, a warrior. My childhood was full of examples of these women. Either in books of faraway lands and the magical and fruitful women who inhabited them, or in my mother, my teachers and my community. When I was younger, I thought that becoming a woman was the greatest feat and challenge that a young girl could undertake. I admired women’s strength and resilience. Women are connected to the earth, we make bonds between each other, and we create new life. I thought that one day I would wake up and be a woman. Or perhaps that it would happen after my cycle or once I graduated high school. When I became a woman was when I fully stepped into my power and when I started using it.

When I found love for myself and my womanly body, I stepped into my power and made the conscious decision to never lose sight of it. This is what invoked the goddess and the sense of this divine gift of a body we are all given. This is what invoked the warrior that would stand up for myself and others who are mistreated. This is what invoked the juicy mama and the playful spirit that basks in her own beauty. What I realized, was that coming into womanhood was everything about accepting and loving myself absolutely for who I was and also for what I looked like.

Some cultural messages insist that we deny the physical body and what it represents as a way to be modest, to fit into a group, to behave or be good. This was made clear to me during The Body Positive’s recent workshop, which I participated in as a facilitator. The first activity we did was to introduce ourselves with the following: our name, what community we were coming from (i.e., school, hometown, workplace, creative community, etc.), what brought us to the workshop, and what we could say about our beauty. For all the women, the first two questions were the easiest. Most people strongly identify with their names as well as where we’re from. Our communities are also strong identifiers. When it came to saying what brought us to the workshop, and making a statement about our beauty, some felt stuck. What about their beauty? Had they forgotten it had even existed? Had they ever talked about their beauty in a group before? What about being self-righteous? Conceited?

Most women shared about their beauty being tied to how they interact with others; being a good friend and confidant; being empathetic or emotional, being a good student or helping others.

When it came to my turn, I said, “I am enjoying my physical body! I have had treasured moments recently when I have caught myself in the mirror and really enjoyed what I see. I find myself doing a little dance or giving myself a genuine smile when I cross paths with my physical self. Its really fun!”"

I think I pretty much shocked half the room. Of course my point wasn’t to do that, but for them to realize that women can love their physical selves! We don’t have to be wise or strong or emotional to be beautiful, we can risk being conceited, risk sounding confident, and proudly say that we love our bodies and therefore we love ourselves!

Being a woman is so much about the physical. It amazes me that in this society we try to shame ourselves into denying our womanly parts and our own natural flesh. We learn to lose the parts that make us women and add to parts that make us more ‘desirable’ to some people. I say that being a woman and encouraging our flesh connects us to the earth, honors our heritage and the ancient wisdom and lineage that created us.

We can be dynamic leaders, amazing friends, empathetic, and conscious humanitarians and also celebrate our flesh. We can be mothers and friends and co-workers and sisters and citizens and agents of change and love our bodies. We can all step into our power and find gratitude for our womanly bodies! We can have it all.

I am happy to say that my absolute love and compassion for myself and for my body have made me proud to be a woman.