Colleen Brown's Blog, page 66
August 25, 2015
I don't know what I'm really asking but I just wanted to tell someone this. I really like this guy. We're both VERY shy but also flirty. We constantly tease eachother and are sarcastic too. Neither of us are actively making a move to change our relationshi
Then do it yourself, love! If you know all of this is true, take charge! You don’t have to wait for anyone to make a choice for you! If you know you both want one another, what would it hurt? Do what you feel is right! Don’t wait around for someone else to do something you want done.
"I have forgiven my hands
for always trying to mold my body
into something that it has
never been..."
for always trying to mold my body
into something that it has
never been able to become.
I have forgiven my eyes
for seeing myself as someone
who can never be fixed,
who can never be loved by
anyone who is worth the wait.
I have forgiven my skin
for never properly healing,
for never being as flawless
and neat as I always tried
to make it. But mostly I forgive
myself for always wanting
to be someone different
when really I am someone
who is perfectly fine
exactly the way I am.”
- “I just have to keep saying sorry to myself,” - CB
Dear Colleen, I recently saw my ex for the first time since we broke up. It's been five months but all my wounds re-opened after hearing him tell me he wasn't in love with me and at the same time saying I was the most wonderful human being he has ever trul
At first it’s going to be hard, of course. But you need to give yourself more time. Mostly after seeing him so soon and him being a jerk by saying something that wasn’t needed. By him even doing that should show you how much of an immature little jerk he is and how he hasn’t moved on because he is still thinking about you in the light of more than a friend, and also dwelling on your relationship from the past. You don’t need that. You don’t need someone in your life who hangs things over your head or takes backs beautiful words because they are too afraid or too much of an asshole to own up to it. I wish I could tell you more but I have to be on my way to work. If you want to talk about this sometime again, don’t hesitate to message me. I hope you feel at ease soon, love.
August 24, 2015
"They say that beggars
can’t be choosers
but I chose you
and somehow I am
the only one who..."
can’t be choosers
but I chose you
and somehow I am
the only one who is
begging for you
to come back home.”
- CB
"I tell myself I deserve more
but I still always come back
to you. I could make a living
off of all..."
but I still always come back
to you. I could make a living
off of all the advice I’ve given
to others but have never
followed myself. I could make
myself a home out of every
apology I’ve given to you
when really you were the one
who should have sighed
I’m sorry’s while my heart
was trying to figure out how
this could all be worth it.
I’m not in pain but I’m not
in perfect health either.
I’m not exhausted but I am
tired of constantly having to
remind you of things I said
when I thought you were
listening. I tell myself
I deserve more but still
I always go back to you.
And I’m just trying to figure out
why it is that I never can learn
from my own manifest mistakes.”
- CB
August 23, 2015
Dear Colleen, how do I stop running away from my feelings and show him that I love him too?
Make your feet stay in place and make your mouth put your hearts feelings into words for him.
August 22, 2015
"The last boy who told me
that he would love me forever
is getting married to someone
that he calls..."
that he would love me forever
is getting married to someone
that he calls his soulmate.
He writes about her on Facebook
and I don’t know why I have yet
to delete him or why I still
have the RSVP that he sent to me
months ago. He said forever
but I know now that he meant
until he finds someone who can be
exactly what he had always
needed. And I always knew that
I could never be that woman
that stays home while he works,
waiting to hear the door open
to greet him like it was the first time
I had seen him in weeks. I knew
that I could never be the woman
who would put his needs before
my own, or who could wait to get what
I wanted from the hands of someone else.
So now whenever anyone
tells me that they will love me forever,
I will just remind myself of the time
when forever felt like it meant
until someone better comes along.”
- CB
August 21, 2015
"I’m thinking of new ways
to love myself, but so far
all I have thought of
is making more time
for me..."
to love myself, but so far
all I have thought of
is making more time
for me and less for you.
I’ve been sinking myself
into my old hobbies
that I gave up when I
realized that none could
ever be more pleasurable
then when your hands
are upon me. I need to
stop soaking myself in you
and start drying off the parts
of me that I hid for the sake
of your own eyes. I am
so much more than someone
who always stays, who never
gives up even when everyone
around me has gone home.
So for now I am thinking
of new ways to love myself
more, but so far all I can
think of is loving you
a little bit less.”
- CB
that one misty morning
that one misty morning
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