Colleen Brown's Blog, page 167
June 1, 2014
""You’re too good for me," but not good enough to where you will wake up missing me in the..."
"You’re too good for me," but not good enough to where you will wake up missing me in the morning and missing me until you are finally in my arms again. "I don’t deserve you," but you deserve more than this, more than what I am able to give you. If you don’t deserve me, and I am too good for you, too good for this kind of love that we have created so far, then why are you letting me go? Why are you putting a wedge of what you deserve and what I can give between us?
I’ve heard this speech one too many times. “You’re too good for me. I don’t deserve you. You can get better.” But I don’t want better. I want you. I want you and me in a house that we can’t afford, a house who’s walls are painted in memories of a past that we set for ourselves. I look at my hands and I can see what our future would have held if you would have just stayed with me instead of giving me away to anyone who is truly worthy of my love. But you are worthy of my love, and you always have been. But you don’t want my love anymore, do you? So that’s why you tell me that I am too good for this, too good for you. That I deserve better, that I deserve more, and you aren’t the more that you are always bringing up.
Instead of telling me what I want to hear, or what you can say that will salvage what is left of this almost forgotten relationship, just tell me that you can live without me, and you can find someone who is worthy of what you have to offer. I don’t want you to sugarcoat the truth anymore. I’m tired of you putting me above what you really want to say, just for the sake of how I might perceive you, and how I might hold this once so hopeful relationship. I am not too good for you. You are not too good for me. I deserve this, I deserve you, and you cannot say what it is that I am able to hold onto.
”- "The I don’t deserve you speech," - Colleen Brown
I want her, all of her.I want her 3 a.m. textmessages when she istoo drunk to keep it all in...
I want her, all of her.
I want her 3 a.m. text
messages when she is
too drunk to keep it
all in anymore. I want her
waking up in the morning
when her dreams
have still not faded from
her eyes. I want her
touch that is saying
stay with me please, this
is all I’ve ever wanted.
I want her, all of her.
And she is everything
that I will ever need.
May 31, 2014
"What if instead of walking away,
I walked towards her and told her
not to go. Held onto her arms
and..."
I walked towards her and told her
not to go. Held onto her arms
and told her that if she leaves now
I will forever be scarred
by the feeling of future absence.
What if instead of staying silent,
I spoke up and told her
that she will always be the only
one that I will ever really love
with every tired bone in my body.
What if instead of pushing
the thought of her return away
I embrace the moments
in which my hope is at its
strongest. What if instead of
telling her that I don’t miss her,
I tell her that I wish she
would have never gone away.
That she would have never
tore herself from my body,
becoming another piece of me
that’s lost in the chaos of it all.
What if instead of telling her
that I never once for a moment
thought she was the one
that I would wake up feeling
empty without, I tell her that she
is the one that I wake up to
every morning feeling empty without.”
- "What if instead," - Colleen Brown
May 30, 2014
And there is no need
for you to apologize.
All you were trying
to do was find love
inside of a...
And there is no need
for you to apologize.
All you were trying
to do was find love
inside of a person who
knows nothing but
solitude. It’s not your
fault that you invested
your time within
someone who can only
waste theirs by
searching for a meaning
that is far beyond
what they really deserve.
So there is no need
for an apology.
All you wanted was
someone to love,
in hopes that they
could love you too.
new playlist -
I know you know
listen here
Hollywood Forever Cemetery Sings, Father John...
new playlist -
Hollywood Forever Cemetery Sings, Father John Misty
Playing House, Active Child
Brothers, Tanlines
Forget Me, Summer Twins
It’s Not My Fault, I’m Happy, Passion Pit
Year of Silence, Crystal Castles
It’s Not Meant To Be, Tame Impala
The Golden Throne, Temples
May 29, 2014
When you wrote forever
you forgot to mention me.
When you wrote loyalty
you forgot to mention
the...
When you wrote forever
you forgot to mention me.
When you wrote loyalty
you forgot to mention
the lack of your own.
When you wrote love
you forgot to mention
how you never understood
the meaning behind it
when it was coming from
my mouth. When you wrote
longing you forgot to
mention how I was the
only one who ever felt it.
"They’ve taught our children
to hold their guns tighter
than their promises.
To hold their liquor..."
to hold their guns tighter
than their promises.
To hold their liquor longer
than they can hold
their consciousness.
They’ve taught our sons
that there is no such thing
as no as long as they
know they deserve it.
To keep pushing forward
even if the other person
keeps stepping back.
They’ve taught our daughters
to give a person, every man
who is lonely a chance.
That even if they know
that there is no future within
this risk, to take it anyway
so they can call themselves
a good person, a good girl,
someone who does not use
the word no in their advantage.
They’ve taught our children
how to become something
that everyone wants. How to
become a persons property
without a signature of consent.
They’ve taught our children
that there is no one to blame
as long as no one but you
remembers. They’ve taught
our children that the more skin
you show the more you wanted it,
deserved it and had it coming.
They’ve taught our children
how to get what they want,
but they never taught our children
how to stop when someone
doesn’t want the same.”
- "Teach our children about self-control," - Colleen Brown
When I saw you
for the first time
it was like seeing
my hopes, my wants,
my needs and my
desires all...
When I saw you
for the first time
it was like seeing
my hopes, my wants,
my needs and my
desires all at once.
You are everything
that I have ever
wished for.
We all need a break sometime.
We all need a break sometime.
So badly I want to tell youthat I miss you, and that Ihaven’t stopped missing you since you...
So badly I want to tell you
that I miss you, and that I
haven’t stopped missing
you since you left my arms
for good. But when I try
to get the words out of my
mouth, all that comes out
is silence. I mean, what’s
the use in telling you something
that won’t change anything.
Because I know you already
have someone who tells
you that they miss you
even when you are just
in the other room, or on
the other side of their bed.
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