Darren Endymion's Blog, page 27

10 Days of Halloween — Sleepy Hollow

9 — Sleepy Hollow

Last time I talked a great deal about a movie with atmosphere. It would be an incomplete venture without discussing something by Tim Burton. The man himself looks as though he fell into a patch of brambles, fought his way through to the Goblin City, lived there for a year and adopted their ways, eventually swam back through a blender, and never bothered to take the twigs, stray teeth, and human remains out of his hair. For all that disheveled mess, the man is a stylistic genius. He can look like an old bowl of porridge stirred with a shitsicle for all anyone cares.

Sleepy Hollow is the story of a man of logic and reason fighting against a spirit, the Headless Horseman, who is terrorizing a town. The Horseman is, of course, beheading the townspeople…but with a purpose. The mystery of the spirit’s rampage is only half the fun.

This tree features prominently in the movie, and I suspect it was modeled after Mr. Burton’s hair.

The cast on this one is amazing. Led by Johnny Depp, we also have the scariest man alive, Dumbledore, Wednesday Addams, the dad Charles from Beetlejuice, Emperor Palpatine, Rita Skeeter, a Starship Trooper, Uncle Vernon in a wig (pig in a wig?), Alfred the butler (from Tim Burton’s Batman), Saruman, and the Duke of Buckingham from The Tudors. Oh, and the kid grew up to be that dark and brooding sort of cute. Perfect, no? Oh, and he’s almost t

Randomly in the fields, we have this beauty.

Most of us have seen the Disney version and those who have are currently singing in their heads, “Ichabod, Ichaboooood Crane!” This…is not that version. The ghost is bloody, gory, dark, and exactly what you would expect from the man who gave us Beetlejuice, Nightmare Before Christmas (producer), and Edward Scissorhands. It’s remarkably gory, in fact, yet never from the actual beheadings, ironically. Remember Ichabod hacking at the tree? The autopsy? Poor, messy Ichabod.

This is just the beginning of the carnage.

The movie was nominated for three Oscars — Cinematography, Costume Design, and Art Direction/Set Direction, winning for the latter. That’s a good way of saying that it’s got style and art. And it has plenty of that.

The town of Sleepy Hollow, without the murders, is a beautiful, fog-filled, dark, forested, colonial town of Halloween-style beauty. It’s a place I would like my Autumnal home to be. Can you imagine? Unfortunately, it was largely built on a sound stage and there is no such still standing town for one to buy property in. It exists wholly in the mind and fantasies of those with Halloweenitis, who watch this movie, sigh, and think about how lovely it would be to live there (with all the modern conveniences, of course). This is the movie that makes it look like it could happen, and if that pesky Horseman gets in the way, well…just don’t piss off Rita Skeeter and you’ll be fine.

When can I move in?

Beneath the style and beauty is a murder mystery dictated by logic and familial ties. It’s something that keeps you guessing, and it’s a good payoff. If you haven’t seen it, if you somehow came here expecting me to talk about the Disney version, then go get the Tim Burton version. If you end up regretting it…well, I don’t think you were meant to be around those of us with serious Halloweenitis. *nose in the air, judgemental*

10 Days of Halloween — Trick ‘r Treat

So, for Halloween I have decided to go through some of the movies that make me happy, particularly around this time of year. These are in fairly random order; this is not a ranking. I should post every day except Sunday, leading up to the 28th, as I have plans on the 29th through the 31st and will be unavailable to post.

Let’s begin, shall we?

10 — Trick ‘r Treat

No movie made in recent times is as beloved by me and my friends as this one. It oozes Halloween from every frame, every pore, and every moment it is on screen. It screams autumn. It looks like I personally think every town should during Halloween.

 

I am replaying a PSN game (also available for iOS) named Costume Quest. You play as a little boy or girl and your sibling is abducted by candy-stealing monsters. It is up to you to rescue the candy, restore Halloween, battle the baddies, and collect your abducted sibling. Through this game you collect items to form various costumes – a ninja, unicorn, robot, flaming pumpkinhead, Statue of Liberty, etc. — which come to life through your imagination and the wonders of video games. This game feels the same way as Trick ‘r Treat does. If it were to somehow explode, you would be covered in autumn, candy, and happiness. It is so pure and unadulterated that it is a beautiful thing.

 

Trick ‘r Treat feels like the sinister, not-so-cute version of Costume Quest. And then we have the mascot, the embodiment of Halloween, Sam, short for Samhain, the pagan day of the dead where the veil between the worlds is thinnest. It is filtered in oranges and clean, crisp colors. You can feel the Halloween coming out at you.

 

Adorable.

Not only that, but it’s a damn fine movie. It has a hell of a twist to one of the stories that you will never see coming, funny moments, malicious fun, and the quest for candy. It is fairly unique in that it explores the meaning of Halloween, the festival, when the barrier between the living and the dead is thin and (as happens in the movie) can be punctured and broken through. It involves four separate stories, all intertwining, glimpses of several seen through the lens of a future or past story.

There are spoilers, so I won’t go into it in depth, but it involves a Halloween-hating wife who finds the spirit of the day, a school principal giving life lessons to his precocious son and maybe even finding love, a group of girls experiencing kinship and one girl’s journey into womanhood, bullies who are taught a lesson in town history and friendship, and some old friends coming to greet an ailing older man staring at his lonely twilight years.

If that sounds like a heartwarming Charlie Brown special, you are very, very wrong. It’s everything I just mentioned, if viewed through the distorted lens of madness and bloodlust.

Which is why I love it.

Sailor Moon Crystal ep 1-07 — Mamoru Chiba

Yawn!

That’s kind of how I felt about this episode, so this will be brief. Nothing happened. Mamoru/Darien and Usagi/Serena continued their chat from the previous episode. It went something like this:

Serena: You’re Tuxedo Mask?

Darien: Yes. And you’re Sailor Moon?

Serena: How did you know that?

Apparently, she forgot that he already told her he knew before she kicked Zoicite’s ass in the previous episode. To continue:

Darien: [says nothing]

Serena: [sees the mask, the tuxedo, holds the mask up to Darien’s face.] You’re Tuxedo Mask!

Darien: Bitch, haven’t we already been through this?

If only, right?

Then Zoicite takes over a video store…which was terrifying. What if the Dark Kingdom/Negaforce took over Netflix? I’d be screwed. I’d be chewing through Sailor Moon’s tender flesh looking for the Silver Crystal before I even knew I had left the freakin’ house. And I would do it again and again. Don’t mess with my Netflix, bitches.

We see Queen Beryl waking Metallia and then planning to double cross her. There was a cool scene with her waking Metallia, then declaring that Earth was going to be hers. I don’t know, Beryl. That frowning cloud of nebulous gas looks pretty pissed off.

Sailor Mercury looks fantastic summoning her mist…but it doesn’t do shit and Zoicite makes fun of her for it. Mars and Jupiter do a combo attack (yaye!) and Zoicite deflects it while choking out Sailor Moon. Tuxedo Mask punches Zoicite, we almost get another, “You’re Tuxedo Mask?!” conversation, which is avoided…but Usagi does use Mamoru’s real name. Duuuuuuuuuh. It’s supposed to be a secret, you infant!

Sailor Venus finally appears (YAYE!) and does her Crescent Beam attack with (I think) her crescent compact from her Sailor V days. I could be making that up, though. I kinda wanted to see her as Sailor V, but having just finished reading the Sailor V manga, I know that she loses her V persona there. *sniff* Still, I love Venus, so I can’t wait for the next episode.

So, that’s that. I’m contemplating doing something for Halloween, so for the zero people who read these reviews, they may be pushed off and done at a later date.

Insecurity Through Beauty

How many of us could really, honestly deal with Prince Charming (or Princess)?

We all know that moment, no matter where or when it happens. You go to steal a peek at the cute stranger and find him already looking at you. Your eyes meet, lock, and though it only lasts for a second or two, it feels like forever. Your stomach flops, your brain tingles. It feels like pressure is building up in the air between you. Your heart seems to not beat at all. You want it to stop and yet you hope it never does. You finally look away, but something has been exchanged, something has happened. It’s not something you can talk about and you may never meet again, but for that moment, the world stopped.

This bullshit happened to me on Friday. At work, no less. Without divulging where I work, I will have to continue to say that I work at a pig-launching factory. There are grunts (who move the pigs, clean their cages, etc.), people who load the catapults, and the scientists who are consulted when the catapult doesn’t work. I am a lead grunt, who is also a nationally certified catapult-loader. A teammate and I spent last week teaching the scientists about a part of the pig-launching business they need more information on.

There is a scientist here who is, for lack of a better term, beautiful (but not in a feminine way). It is he who I had the moment of eye contact with. My friend and fellow grunt walked out of the meeting talking about him. She thinks he’s gay (so do I) but in her words, “He is so beautiful! He was giving me hot flashes!” I didn’t tell her about the prolonged eye contact.

Because I’m that person, I thought about us meeting up again (we do work in the same building, after all). I have seen him before and he always looks and says hi (which, of course, renders me immobile and totally mute). And, while my fantasy was reaching its conclusion (us going out on a date, perverts), a cloud of fear descended over the daydream.

You’ve all heard the saying or concept, “You get what you feel you deserve; not what you THINK you deserve.” My daydream was giving me anxiety. Why? Because on paper, this scientist is a Prince Charming. Educated, smart, nice, and strikingly attractive. He could have a rotten personality or a huge ego, but it doesn’t matter for our purposes. Let’s say that The Gaze was sincere and he is attracted to me…that makes me cringe. Why not happy? Because his beauty, in all senses of the word, brings out my insecurities. And this situation made me think about more, totally separate from Prince Scientist.

How many of us could really, honestly deal with Prince Charming (or Princess, if you’re still reading)? Think about it. Are you ready? What could you offer Mr. Charming? Are you on the same level as said prince? Most of us want to grow and to better ourselves, but wouldn’t he get bored? I can be fascinating, and even I never know what’s going to come out of my mouth. I’m reasonably intelligent, fairly creative, not bad to look at (I guess)…but what could I offer Prince Scientist? Witty quips, an inappropriate sense of humor, a decent job, and a couple of lowly published works? How long before that would get old? I’ve got potential, I can grow, I can learn…but does Prince Charming want a project? If he’s got all those good qualities and has done all this work on himself, why would he not want someone more like him, someone he can learn from in turn?

My friends say that I sell myself short. (They are supposed to say that or they wouldn’t be my friends.) I actually agree with them sometimes. But this threw me. A prolonged gaze and a daydream gone bad brought out all my insecurities. So, to answer my own question, I don’t know that I could deal with Prince Charming right now. I would want to present a better person to him, would want to at least try to live up to my potential.

If Prince Charming is in front of you, maybe you just have to jump on his horse (a real one, perverts!) and ride. But I want to work on me more. Lucky for me, it was nothing more than a gaze and I’m certain that nothing will ever come from it. Yet it taught me something more about myself and what I want to do right now.

Prince Charming may have to circle back; I’ve got to turn myself from a frog into a Prince.

Karma Comin’ ‘Round the Bend

You can only be an asshole for so long before karma comes back to kick you right in the taint. To take joy in someone’s downfall is an ugly place for me to be, and I personally don’t like that feeling.

But this time I am making an exception.

I have a coworker who is universally known as difficult. She has called one teammate anorexic, made fun of another who has permanently had her voice damaged and cannot speak above a whisper, insists that everyone is out to get her (we are…now), demands attention right when she wants it and will rant at you at the top of her voice when she is not obliged, and went off about a quibbling issue on our manager (three positions above her). Recently she accused our supervisor of changing his policy on lunches (no, you simple bitch, you can’t take your lunch an hour before you leave. Nothing has changed), told another grown woman to shut her mouth, and messed up on her time card and blamed our supervisor. She was told the missing hours would have to go on her next paycheck and said, “They may hold YOUR money, but you had best believe they won’t hold MY money.” She called HR. She’s getting the missing hours on her next paycheck as previously indicated.

Finally, our team all became sick of it. The woman she told to shut her mouth (among other things), went to our supervisor and HR. This makes the third complaint against her in a year. HR gave permission to put her on an elevated corrective action, meaning the next time she steps out of line, she will be terminated. Fired. Expelled. She stormed out of their meeting — in the middle of being given her corrective action — to call HR. She has NEVER been called out like that before with our previous supervisor, who let her get away with her antics.

My joy came not only from seeing this finally go down, but from knowing that our supervisor waited until late Friday to have this meeting with her, thereby ruining her whole weekend. She’s working on a rebuttal (as though anything she can say will negate the fact that she’s been an asshole in front of witnesses several times). She’s brooding. She’s angry. She’s miserable. And I’m totally  thrilled. Terrible, right?

People came to me (as the team lead) and told me more stories they had never divulged, hoping they could jump on the bandwagon and get her far, far away from us. Some part of me thinks that it was a group mentality, that they were just kicking the dog when it was down. Yet a team can only handle so much before turning on the bully. My boss told me to gather everything, no matter how minor, for next time. And if I know anything from years of working with her, I know there will be a next time. It has taken a very, very long time to come to this, and it took a supervisor who is involved and people to finally stand up to a bully.

Despite my evil glee, I’m forced to wonder, not only at the breakdown of our previous management that would allow this bullying to continue, but also what causes bullying in the first place. How have we allowed this to continue? Why does this person have such an inflated sense of need, to the point where all other requests are secondary to hers? At what point should we have gone above our former supervisor’s heads? We didn’t want to bug the manager at that time. We figured that we would just deal with it and move on. But then it happened again…and again…and still happens. Having a bully in the workplace is like having one on the playground, except you can’t hit them back. In “normal” life, I would have cussed her out, told her what I thought, she would have yelled back, it would have been ugly…and I would never have ever spoken to her again. I would jettison her permanently and irrevocably from my life, wishing her family tolerance, patience, and deafness. Unfortunately, at work we don’t have that option. Our team has to work together, and every interaction is tinged with the threat of hostility.

If I could go back in time, I would go over my previous supervisor’s head. I would be that pain in the ass to upper management. I wouldn’t let this go on. I wouldn’t let my unwillingness to be a burden allow someone else to burden me. But now at the end of it, watching karma come to town, watching it all finally happen…well, the karma is that much sweeter for it.

Blood Moon Eclipse

This coming Wednesday, October 8th, 2014, there will be a Full Moon and a total Lunar eclipse. As someone who has dabbled in a great many spiritual paths and beliefs (which will not be discussed at length here), the one thing I never really got into was astrology. However, I have seen and have experienced the horrors of Mercury retrograde (a period we are currently in. For a previous blog entry on Mercury’s stumbling about the heavens, you can go here: http://darrenendymion.wordpress.com/2013/07/27/mercury-retrograde-aftermath/).

One could say that, other than the horrors of Mercury retrograde, I am fairly nonchalant about the whole astrology thing. It doesn’t do much for me. However, a full lunar eclipse is something interesting. Usually, these are only visible from the Arctic Circle at 4am, from the corner of your eye, after six months in a coma, and whilst standing on your head. This one, however, will be visible from where I am and at a tolerable time.

It’s supposed to look like this.

However, since I’m a Halloween freak, I thought about what a total eclipse during this time would mean. Regardless of any beliefs, this is a pretty rare astronomical event. So, I looked it up and it appears to be rather significant. So, allow me to elaborate.

More than anything, change is the dominant force here. It’s for initiating major endings and beginnings, for major breakthroughs. Combined with the side effects of Mercury retrograde, this largely means that its good to see where you have been and to shape the future into what you want it to be. It’s a time for taking charge of your life, for evaluating the past and seeing the path it has led you down. If you don’t like it, this is the time to veer that goddamned boulder of your life out of the valley of a rut you have pushed it into. Of course, you have to do something different to get this going, but breaking free will be easier, and the way clearer.

Apparently, Uranus and Pluto are involved and influence this eclipse/full moon (in astrological shapes in the heavens I don’t properly understand). They are like gasoline on a flame. Pluto is about death, the end of things past, and therefore rebirth. And this is a birth and a life you can shape yourself. Uranus is about rebellion and shaking things up.

Blood Moon…for the hell of looking at it.

It’s also a time that “will have many people acting out from their shadow side.” Essentially, the assholes will have their evil bubble to the surface, and they will act out, so it’s best to avoid negative people and situations. “Long term tolerations could come to a head now” and it’s best not to react, but to plan and to possibly be proactive. People who fit into this category of jerkface are essentially bullies, and it’s time to fight against that. Don’t let the bully get the best of you. “There is a distinction between authentic power and force. When we are truly powerful we do not have to manipulate, dominate, and control anyone.” (Stay tuned on Thursday to see why this one is so apt and timely that it’s nearly frightening).

To boil it all down, its a time to get out of the rut we are in, and that there is no better time to do it than right now. Also, avoid bullies, but if you cannot, stand up to them in a calm, thought out way. There is a lot of fire and energy in this period and its best to use to change our lives for the better.

And even if you don’t believe, if you think it’s all a bunch of hocus pocus and rancid pig crap, you can’t deny that an eclipse is a pretty fantastic and rare phenomena. It’s a good time to contemplate, meditate, pray, think, whatever works for you.  What harm could it do? And if it helps you make a better you, then congratulate yourself — you did it. If the heavens helped a bit, who has to know?

(All quotes and most of the research taken from here: http://www.mysticmamma.com/total-lunar-eclipse-in-aries-october-8th-2014/)

Halloween Heat Wave

Okay, so it’s not technically Halloween yet, but it’s the month of Halloween, and that’s close enough. I am obsessed with the weather. I have three weather apps on my phone, having recently deleted one. I live in Southern California, so being obsessed with the weather is a bit like a rabid archaeologist searching for the remains of a unicorn. (Everyone knows they dissolve when they die. Duh.)

That being said, I have all sorts of other places on my weather apps, usually San Francisco, New York, Portland (Oregon), Rio, Chicago, London, Salem (Massachusetts), Portland (Maine), among others. With the exception of Rio, Brazil, do you know what they all have in common right now? Colder weather. Motherbitchingsonsof… Anyway, while they are dealing with a temperature range of 50-70, today where I live, not but 10 miles from the ocean, we are at 93 degrees. I don’t live in the ass crack of the desert. Yes, most of California is a desert right now, but it’s not Palm Springs or anything.

Tomorrow it’s going to be 97, and then 95 for a few days and then down to the high 80s, possibly even 70s by the end of next week. But, like a phoenix made of assholes and anger, the temperature will rise again. I love autumn, and I plan to move to one of the aforementioned areas that actually has seasons, but for now, as in years past, I feel cheated. My worst fear is having it be hot enough for a Halloween Pool Party. There would be pictures of me, pissed off, arms crossed, scowl on my face, dressed in black, wearing a sweater in protest, writing a strongly worded letter to Mother Nature, Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, Jeffrey Dahmer, or whoever I need to in order to make it cold.

I’m Veruca Salt during heat waves. I stomp, I shout, I demand colder weather, I fall down a chute while singing…and even if I only do all these things in my head, I can tell you that it’s a maelstrom of horror in there. It happens every year and every year I throw a mental tantrum as though it’s going to help or as though the weather is going to take pity on me.

I think I’m going to go gather the few leaves that are turning, run a very cold bath, throw in the leaves and half an apple and take some sort of an Autumn Tea Bath. Fake it ‘till you make it, right? *bitter*

Beelzebub the Dentist

I’m not normally a wuss, believe it or not. I have a really high tolerance for pain passed down to me from my grandmother. It’s sometimes unfortunate, because I will run into something or bang my shin on something and think nothing of it. A week later I’ll look down at the bruise that’s just turning yellow and can’t remember how I got it.

This was not the case last Thursday. Through the orgy of pumpkin seeds my friend and I consumed, both of us cracked something—her a tooth, me a filling. She went in, got a filling, took some Advil, it was over. My tooth had a filling and that’s what cracked. Unfortunately, I have pretty sharp teeth (pray I never become a zombie), and one of my teeth was pressing down on the filling, causing it to crack further. This required a crown. Fantastic, right?

My previous dentist, who did not foresee or allow for this Sharptooth Anomaly, said I was very easy to work on. I just lay there like a bored housewife, get numbed, allowed him to do his stuff, and move on with my life. No pain, no anxiety, nothing. I don’t LIKE going to the dentist, but I don’t hate it, either. I recently switched dentists to a fancier, closer facility and this was the first time I had to see an actual dentist. He gave me the bad news (the same thing is happening on the upper right side, though that tooth I don’t feel at all), and we prepared to do what we had to do.

I couldn’t get numb.

He numbed me and drilled on the back end of the tooth in question. I recoiled. It hurt so freekin bad I couldn’t stand it. He numbed me again. The same thing happened—more injections, more recoiling. He numbed me a third time. By this time, my nerves were shot. I’m not used to that level of pain, and I’m not okay with it. I can be pretty tough, but the anxiety of knowing that he was going to go back in there and drill again and possibly hurt me so badly again was horrible. I was sweating and shaking. My heart rate was way up. My hand wouldn’t stay still when I held it in the air. The dentist said that HE was getting anxiety and that this never happened. He seemed like a nice guy and this isn’t Little Shop of Horrors. I’m certain that he didn’t WANT to cause me pain.

The fourth injection worked. The dentist *hisssss* was very fast and very good, though he did make a snide comment to the dental hygienist about some mouths being easy to work on and others not. (Trade me places, then, dickbag!) They made the crown there and I walked out like I had been given Parkinson’s and acute anxiety disorder while the very ground beneath me shook. I’ve never dreaded going to the dentist, but I’m here to tell you that I’m not prepared to do it again…but I have to or it will be worse.

What got me through was a dear, lunatic friend. A few years ago when we were discussing her ex-boyfriend and his “domino teeth” and his impending dental visit, I asked if she thought he would need a bridge or two. Her response was, “Sheeit. He needs a bridge, a toll road, the Power of Christ…” This is the same person who said that she once drank a Sprite before a blood test and they “wanted to shove an insulin suppository up [her] poop chute.”

These two phrases echoed through my head while the dentist was working on me and I started smiling. Then laughing. While the dentist was working on me. The look in his eyes told me that he thought I was very hysterical, which made me laugh harder. A toll road, insulin suppository, scared dentist…fantastic. I survived, but I have to go back. I may not get out again.

Me in the dentist’s chair, only with 90% more agony.

Sailor Moon Crystal ep 1-06 — Tuxedo Mask

I know this episode was bout Tuxedo Mask (hence, the title), but who really cares? The Sailor Scouts and Luna think he’s evil, we know he isn’t, Serena does her pure heart believing in people thing again, he shows some sexy bare chest, encourages Sailor Moon, the end.

The real fun started when Zoicite appeared on TV in drag. This was followed by a triple transformation where Jupiter got shafted (not enough lightning). While Serena/Usagi was flirting with Tuxedo Mask (get this girl a fainting couch already!), the other Scouts took out a TV tower and challenged Zoicite.

Zoicite did a backflip which not only changed him out of drag, but presumably untucked certain things in midair. I assume that the Sailor Scouts were so horrified at what they saw that their only option was to try to murder Zoicite and thereby scratch the images from their corneas and poor, twitching brains. They didn’t even bother with attacks, which was probably the best part of the episode. Through the power of disgust, they became Elemental Scouts, shooting lightning, fire, and water at the enemy.

Ami/Sailor Mercury was the most awesome, I think. Talking with my friend, we came to the conclusion that Mercury normally doesn’t do anything but blow bubbles or envelop the area in a light mist, so when she busts out with shrieking water bullets, it seems as though she has just obtained the power of a goddess. She missed with her water bullets, by the way.

Zoicite attacked them all and they are floored. Because of Zoicite’s recent transformation from drag to male, I couldn’t help but think of the Sailor Stars and the Star Maker’s confusingly hilarious attack of Star Gentle Uterus. Then Zoicite called Queen Beryl. When that hag descended from the sky, I got chills. She never did that in the anime, and this was awesome. Sailor Moon appeared and used her new Crescent Moon Wand as an attack. It’s normally used for healing (thus the attack name, “Moon Healing Escalation”), so when it blew Zoicite back and sent Queen Beryl back up into the Sky Asshole from whence she came, I nearly did a cartwheel. Sailor Moon cured everyone of the Rage virus from 28 Days Later, and woke up in Tuxedo Mask’s bed, only just realizing that Darien/Mamoru and Tuxedo Mask are the same person (despite previously seeing Darien in a tuxedo on the street). We saw Sailor V, I cheered, the end.

Good episode!

Whirlpools and Life Perspective

I was reading an article this morning in which this IT manager described how she hated her job, was overly stressed, couldn’t rest, and couldn’t see doing that for the rest of her life, so she quit said job and traveled around the world for a year. The most common whining statement in the comments section was essentially, “It must be nice to be able to do that, but I can’t for these six billion reasons!” And I don’t care whether or not that’s true; I’m not even here to say that it’s the best solution to the job burn-out she was experiencing. Sometimes it only takes a few days to recharge, but there are good and bad parts to any job detox, and that’s what I am currently experiencing.

A few weeks ago I went on vacation through an apocalyptic version of the desert. I just spent this past weekend at a friend’s house. I will likely spend most weekends at this friend’s house until the end of October because we are total Halloween nuts and horror movie fanatics and need all the scare time we can get. I am also writing more, and this project feels different than anything I have written before. Being away, being with friends, and being creative all in the same time frame really sort of slaps your conscience around. It gives you this mental step back where you can say, “My life is a tall glass of poop juice!”

This is good and bad. It’s good to have that perspective, but what if you cannot change things right now? This realization only makes your life that much more miserable because you’ve pulled out of it for that moment. We can become so mired in our own misery that being pulled out of it only serves as a painful reminder of the life we would like to lead. But it can give guidance, too. It’s like barely treading water toward no certain destination, weak and wounded, then being lifted up onto a small rock, only to see that there are boats and islands and coral reefs and wildlife (of the non-chewing on you variety), and you’ve been stuck in a whirlpool, struggling to not drown. But to get out, you have to go back in the water, and it’s easier to stay in the current situation than to change anything, so you swim in more circles, keeping your head out of the water, thinking about that island you saw on the not-so-distant horizon.

That’s what this period has been like. I have dragged my little butt on that rock several times. I have seen my destination, but life intrudes and I have to get back into that lazy whirlpool. And there I sit. All these things—vacation, friends, creative endeavors—can serve as things to make you float, can make the whirlpool not so bad, but you still have to kick, to fight against that cruel current to finally break free. The whirlpool is constant, it is mild, it is where you have been for a very long time, so it’s comfortable. Swimming free—being with friends, trading the old shackles of your job for new ones with cushions, breaking up with that ratty old bastard, moving from the hovel you reside in, sitting at your damned laptop and finishing that chapter—takes effort and strength and willpower. You can’t just wish yourself out of the whirlpool.

Anyway, that’s where my mind is at the moment. It’s on the island. It hasn’t left the island in some time, and though there will be wild animals and pitfalls and large bugs—for no place is totally free from danger and/or discomfort—there is greenery, change, the potential for happiness, and possibility for relaxation and growth. I just have to kick a little. Start it going. Try. And there is nothing like perspective to start that going.