Nik Nicholson's Blog, page 13

Support Art, Support Vauje Jewelry

I feel we as a community don’t support artists the way we financially, spiritually and emotionally could.  We could emotionally support artist by not saying that someone’s art is a hobby or asking them to focus on real goals.  When you are a creative, creating is your real goal.  In fact, it’s your whole life purpose.

We could support artist financially, but offering to get them supplies.  By giving them money directly if we see their are struggling and not advising them to give up their art, or put their are on the back burner or give less energy to their art.   We could ask them what work they have and buy some of it to give as gifts if we can’t’ use it.  Instead of getting what everyone else got off of Amazon. Actually supporting small businesses and unique products and supporting by commissioning the art you love makes you stand out as an individual.

Other artists could spiritually support other creatives.  As artists we become envious or frustrated that our own work isn’t being received the way we intended or need… Honestly, I’ve been on both sides of this coin. I once stopped following someone’s posts because their success made me feel my efforts were pointless.  With that being said, I’ve come to know and accept supporting the things I love and value is the only way they can continue to exist. It is the only way, I can continue to exist.  Not to mention, I’ve found greater creativity, creative opportunities, made deeper community connections and so much love in supporting other artists. I’ve also found there are a lot of opportunities for us all, we just have to keep moving, loving and being.

So I wanted to shout out my girl, Vauje Jewels Collins on all of her success. She has a vision and is committed to her individuality. Which is amazing, because so often when you are in the arts people compare your work to what already exists and/or ask you to be like someone else.  Not to mention, there are competitions for money, recognition and so on.  So it’s easy to compare yourself, lose faith and succumb to what is popular or in high demand. Especially when we get into capitalism and how others devalue our work if it doesn’t completely financially support us. Especially, when we know we have the skill to replicate and even undercut another artist’s designs/work for cheaper prices.

I actually asked her to make me a version of a specific type of earring that already existed but couldn’t find the way I wanted it. She refused. LOL! I didn’t understand then, what I was asking and she didn’t come for me or explain why she wasn’t going to do it. Which is a testament to her integrity, grace, faith and patience… I asked a few times. LOL!

Now her commitment to her vision, focused energy, hard work, determination and creative genius in making her own specific brand of jewelry is taking over the fashion world. I’m encouraging you to get a piece of her jewelry while it is still affordable… I’m encouraging you to get some of her jewelry because it is uniquely beautiful.  I’m encouraging to get some of her jewelry because you will be buying history. One day, vintage Vauje will be worth 200x its original price.  Vauje Jewels

Filed under: random Tagged: art, black woman, Black Women, jewelry, vauje

The Places That Scare Us: A Guide to Fearlessness in Difficult Times by Pema Chodron

I am in a constant state of change.  Some of it is by choice, most of it is forced by circumstances.  I’m aging, lol, so I can’t eat the things I use to.  I’m aging so I have to work out… Or some mornings I wake up and it feels like some parts of my body are going to give up.  I was watching a documentary on Misty Copeland eating candy cursing myself for not going to the gym more consistently.  Did I say consistently. I don’t think I’ve been in almost two weeks.  There was a snow storm… But that’s not an excuse. LOL!

Anyway, I think I know the way, something inside is telling me which way to go… But I’ve been so hurt in the directions I’ve chosen, I’m afraid to take another step forward. I don’t know how I will survive the suffering.  So I’ve been seeking advice on how to move into the path I’m being nudged to go on.  I find when I tell friends what choices I’m facing, they are dismissive of my apprehension.  I wonder if they recognize how much struggle I’ve gone through and how much more I’d be taking on.  When they are like, just move in the direction.  I need a place to give me courage to move… I don’t know. I need a place where people sympathize with the struggle.  Where we don’t pretend everything is amazing when it fucking sucks.

I need to know what to do, other than complain, when life fucking sucks.  I need tools.  I need a new way of thinking. I’ve been meditating and doing stream of consciousness writing every day… I have become more active, but I’ve also become a little anxious and impatient.  I’m hurting just considering all the ways I will have to be different and all the people I will have to let go.  Everyone can’t go with you.  Sometimes you can’t even take yourself, the self you’ve been.

I Googled, how to deal with fear, and it offered this book, The Places That Scare You: A Guide to Fearlessness in Difficult Times.  I’ve heard of Pema Chodron and I think I’ve read some of her quotes and loved them.  There are other books on the subject, but I didn’t feel they would work for who I am, how I am and who I’m becoming.

I recently learned, that the idea of happy endings is basically great marketing.  It’s right up there with the Easter Bunny, Santa Claus and then the idea of heaven.  It makes hard when we think we deserve things or that because of something we did or didn’t do life is hard.  The truth is, life is life.  Some children have never harmed a soul but are born in warring nations, sometimes they are forced to become warriors sometimes they are killed by stray bullets.  We don’t always get what we deserve.  We all deserve to be happy, loved, loving and to feel safe.  We all deserve people to support and encourage our dreams.  We all deserve to find out how our individuality helps all of humanity reach and retain certain goals.  This is our life purpose.  We all deserve to feel we have a purpose.  Unfortunately, life is always going to have its drawbacks.  Because life is not the Utopian reality I describe, there are large amounts of dysfunction. So the goal is to learn how to remain positive, adaptable and grateful in those moments.  The goal is to still fulfill our life purpose and create our happiness… I guess. I don’t know shit.

One of my greatest hopes is that one day I will be financially free and that I will own more of my time.  As a writer who does research I’ve looked into what happens to people who become rich.  It doesn’t mean this is my fate, but it is nice to get an idea of what you are asking for and some of the common pitfalls.

Let’s take the millionaire dream.

You become a millionaire and all your financial issues are resolved.  Every time someone calls you, it isn’t to say hello or to invite you to hang out… It’s to borrow money, ask for money or pitch you a business plan.  Depending on how you got the money, they may be asking you to give someone a job or help someone else out.  Maybe because you’ve made it in a field they think you have the key to the magic door where anyone who ever wrote a book just needs to go in this door.  They don’t understand that you are still working and creating within a process.  They may not see all the hard work you actually had to do to get there… And though you may know a lot of people, you realize those people don’t want to be called and bothered every time your cousin tells you they know the next best whoever.

Then you want to travel, but who is going with you?  Yes you can go by yourself. I love traveling for research by myself.  I like going somewhere with a purpose.  I can’t imagine just hanging out alone in Paris.  So who would you invite? But now, none of the people you love have as much free time or money as you have at your disposal.  Yes, you could pay their way.  Initially it’s great.  But after a while they start to feel some kind of way about you picking up the tab.  Maybe they feel guilty or they resent you.  Either way, the trips get weird and you decide why continue paying for everyone’s unhappiness.  Not to mention, you are becoming ashamed of your accomplishments.  You sharing how your life is improving comes across of bragging… But who do you tell if you can’t tell a friend?

If you are famous, even though you may want a regular house in a nice residential neighborhood, reporters, fans and people trying to make it themselves won’t respect your privacy.  They will walk  right up to your front door or into your garage.  Reporters will be taking pictures of you all the time, or sitting on your lawn or the sidewalk and demanding you answer their questions.  You’d have to make sure all your blinds or closed because there would be people always peering in, just curious about who you are.

Now what about this budget you initially had.  Where you weren’t going to allow capitalism to rule your life.  You know, the one where you determined how much money you needed to make each month until the day you die, based on you keeping reasonable living expenses?  You’d given yourself $5,000 a month and thought that was too generous. Hiring around the clock security is expensive for one person.  At the same time, it’s kind of pointless cause you are living in an open neighborhood.

To save money it is better to move to a community that is already secure so you can share the security expense.  The new neighborhood and community come with a completely different lifestyle.  Your new life style requires $15,000 a month at minimum, this only covers your high mortgage and all the homeowner association dues.  You didn’t mind doing your own gardening, in fact you enjoyed it and found it grounded you.  It was a great way to meditate.  That was when it was a manageable size.  Now it’s acres of trees, plants and grass.  You liked cutting your own grass and if you were away you could pay about $60 for a neighbor or someone to help.  Now this new neighborhood has an association that requires a full time landscaping crew.  They only have large homes.  So your heating and cooling bills are what most people are paying for their mortgages.

Then the people who were already rich may or may not welcome you into their established societies and communities.  You sharing your life improvements with them confirms you shouldn’t be around them in the first place.   Welcome to the old money and new money battle.  The barely rich people and the filthy rich battle.  Everyone is waiting to see if you will go broke or if  you will create an enduring wealth.

What do you care, there are billions of people in the world.  Certainly, you can find some you connect with and who share your interests, goals and love.  If only you could stop asking yourself that nagging question, “Is everyone person you meet genuinely attracted to your good energy, wisdom, warmth or is it your money and status?”  Which may cause you to enter every new friendship or possible romantic relationship distrustful and apprehensive.  Eventually alienating yourself.

Then, just like when you were broke and people didn’t want to deal with you and your struggle… Now that you have money, you don’t want people to entertain you, you want real friendships.  So, money isn’t the answer?  Being someone who doesn’t have a lot of money I find the statement “that money isn’t the answer” to be an untruth  told by people who’ve taken money for granted.  Hahaha! I’m still open to having tons of money so that I can find out first hand.

In any case, I decided that I didn’t want to live in fear.  I want to live in love.  I want to be loved and loving.

I read recently that the opposite of love isn’t hate, but fear.  Hate is a form a fear.  But so is apathy, complacency, hopelessness, skepticism… I want to not be in a place that isn’t love.  I want to get beyond my fears, so I’ve started reading this book and so far it’s been shifting my thinking.  I’m not calling what I’ve feared as “the places that scare me” any more.  Just calling those places “unknown” or maybe even “new adventure.”

I never actually come back and write follow up book reports/review blogs.  Maybe I should.

Love says, “Write about how this book is changing your life.  Others will appreciate it.”

Fear says, “You are being too open and people will judge you.”

Ego Says, “No one is reading your blog anyway so you’d just be wasting your time and energy to do a follow up.  Then again, you wrote this blog, Drama Queen.”

The Perfectionist in me would like to put this disclaimer. I wrote this blog in about 20 mins and I’m not here for perfect grammar or spelling. This is a stream of consciousness…  I’m willing to correct any statement that makes unclear my thoughts.  But I’m not going to change it for minor errors.  I’m here for free expression, exchanges of ideas, suggestions of good books, finding more light in all this darkness and love.

Filed under: Reading, Self Reflection, Spiritual/ Religious Tagged: a writing life, Fearlessness, focus, inspiration, Love, meditation, motivation, Pema Chodron, Personal Growth, religion, Research, Spiritual Growth, Spiritual Journey, spirituality, The Places That Scare You: A Guide to Fearlessness in Difficult Times, writing journey

Alpha, Beta, Gamma, Delta and Omega

For character sketches.

Filed under: random, Research Tagged: character development, character sketches, writing

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Legal

Filed under: Uncategorized

Nina Simone

I’m still finding inspiration in her music. I tell anyone who has never heard of her to start with “Four Women.”

Filed under: Daughter of Zion, Descendants of Hagar, Music, random, Self Reflection Tagged: a writing life, african american history, art, artist, black history, black woman, Black Women, focus, inspiration, meditation, writing journey

Beyonce’s Formation

I don’t usually do blogs about famous people… unless something they say or do deeply moves me.  Like my post on Cosby.

I like Beyonce’s music. I wouldn’t consider myself a fanatic.  I appreciate her as an artist and have watched her grow from an amazing teenage  performer to an adult woman, business owner (she owns herself- all artist/performers don’t own themselves or their work), wife and a mother with her own voice, identity and vision.

After this Formation video I was bothered by the discussions surrounding the video.  On one hand, I hate that people are planning boycotts of the NFL for her performance… While not even mentioning, much less boycotting the NFL because it withheld that it has known for years about concussions players were receiving… Which ultimately ruined a lot of lives.  This was my first response.

On the other side of the coin, every woman, black, white and whatever was singing Beyonce’s praises.  I could hear the video playing wherever I that first day it was released.  The video requires a few views to fully digest it.  Because I don’t watch sports, therefore don’t follow the Super Bowl, I was intrigued when I found out Beyonce was performing at half time.  I was so intrigued, I was having all these discussions with friends who follow sports and asking “didn’t she perform last year?” I thought I remembered something about what was required for her daughter during her performance…  A heated room and special crib or something. But her daughter is four so maybe it’s been some years. I should also mention I don’t watch T.V.  I still don’t know what teams were in the Super Bowl or the outcome of the game.  But you better believe I’ve seen Beyonce’s halftime performance a few times.

In any event, as soon as I was sure she was performing my initial reaction was, she’s not going to perform that song.  I thought it would be courageous of her to sing those lyrics in front of all those people.  The fact that she used the word “Negro” was already buzzing on the internet with various reactions.  Not to mention, we’re not just talking the audience there, the Super Bowl is one of the biggest marketing opportunities in America.  Companies pay millions to have their commercials played during the game.  In addition to that, these commercials sometimes have small movie budgets.  So it was a huge deal that she would sing anything relative to the struggles of being a black woman in that space.

Then she did it… I didn’t even know I could be so proud and pleased with a complete stranger or a piece of art… She put the black struggle on the map by simply discussing her own life and concerns.  And I’m also aware that in referring to her expression as art I’m in many ways objectifying her… Making her a commodity… But the reality is, that’s what she is.  And if you recall the end of her video, she seems to have made peace with that by making a good living.

First, let’s define what the purpose of art is.  I think the purpose of art is to inspire, inform, support, anger, sooth and/or reflect the perspectives of the artist and/or time in which it was created.

I didn’t always believe this.  As an artist, I’m always worried about how what I create will be perceived. Recently, I released a collection of poems on love, seeking love and not necessarily love poems, though some are included. I definitely worried about what I was saying as a black woman about sex, dating and about what I learned about sex… from a cultural perspective.  I definitely contemplated how I would be perceived and judged.  I don’t know it all and definitely felt inadequate while selecting which poems I’d include.  I’m no psychologist, therapist or even someone who had done extensive study on love.  I only have my life experiences.  I considered writing more poems to balance out the collection.  

Over the years, realizing I am just one voice and feeling my connection to everything and feeling small in that connection I’ve hesitated or completely stopped making what is on my heart.  I had to accept, I, as an artist couldn’t speak for all people, my culture, sex, orientation or even my own family… I accepted I was one voice of many and that our voices together create a full picture… I also came to the conclusion I needed to speak up or shut up about not seeing myself. I’ve only recently realized how important it is to see myself reflected.

Blue Ivy in her mom’s video. Rocking her afro after Beyonce was criticized heavily for not straightening her daughter’s hair. In fact people would say her daughter’s hair wasn’t combed because they don’t understand black hair.

With that being said, I read a lot of period pieces.  I read about the 1800’s and then the 1900’s.  Sometimes I’m comparing fiction written from the 1990’s compared to fiction written as recent as 2015.  Due to technology, communication has changed so drastically it alters how we date, define quality time and accomplish our life goals.  You can go to college online! You can also pay bills, grocery shop and buy everything else online.  Which takes us out of brick and mortar stores.  Which keeps us from running into each other at the phone company or mall.  Which keeps us from face to face interactions.  So now people are building meaningful relationships online.

No one book covers all the things going on in the 90’s or 2015.  Each book is a window in time based on those characters, people and that writer.  Through reading, I’ve came to the conclusion that an artist’s responsibility is to speak their own truth and as a collective of artists from that time, they speak the truth of their lifetime. With that being said, I don’t expect any artist to tell all of a story or even my story.  Which in itself is a huge thing, because in so many circles we discuss the need to have more people of color, more women, more LGBT, more full figured women, more immigrant and etc stories be told.  I took on the responsibility to tell my own story and tell the stories I think need to exist…

From a critical stand point, I view artists as spirits first… We are all universes within ourselves… Dealing with our own issues and weighing them in our own perspectives.  One of my favorite quotes is, “What is normal to the spider is chaos to the fly.”  We are all growing and in different stages of life.  What speaks to me may be ignored by someone else.  I was really proud of Beyonce when I saw the video.  I didn’t even know how to respond there were so many things I loved about the video.  In order to fully appreciate this work, one can’t come with all of their expectations.  I didn’t bring all my issues as a full figured, black, queer, female artist.  I didn’t bring all of my needs as an activist.  I came as a person who loves art and is always seeking inspiration, a new thought, a new awareness, information, affirmation, motivation, meditation… But I don’t expect any one piece of art work to be all those things… I’m grateful if it’s even one of those things.  When a piece of art is neither, I often ask myself who does this piece of work speak to, for? Though Formation touched on a lot of the things I’m seeking in life and art.    

From a critical stand point, I recognize artists are human.  Limited in their own perspective. I include myself in that… With that being said, how could Beyoncé say or create anything that was not sobered by her own life experiences? She speaks of and sees herself as creole and black… Another black woman commented on her disappointment about this.  Whether the way Beyonce identifies herself is problematic for another woman of color or not, that is Beyonce’s truth. Beyonce often catches a lot of flack for being a black woman at the top of her industry. She is often portrayed as someone who has abandoned black people and their issues to avoid controversy and remain famous. So this portrayal of herself and her view of the world in this song and video is revolutionary… It is so revolutionary, she is being boycotted… and again, thrown under the bus.

I feel like now matter what, she can’t really win.  She mentions Black Lives Matter, and it becomes a marketing ploy… But she is a black woman and that movement belongs to her, too.  Her relationship to it is her own.   No one can say how she should be an activist.  It was refreshing to read stop shooting us… and to see a child in a hoodie dancing before the cops.

I think all art even in it’s hatred, love, ignorance, support is beautiful… All art is reflective of the time and the life span of the people who lived when it was created.  Artist simply need to create. As artist, if we see a void, we balance the perspective by creating more art to add to the over all conversation… I’m kind of grateful that she used her influence to speak about racism and the condition of black people here in America, internationally. I am grateful that this video will become part of the overall discussion on the treatment and view of black people all over the world.

Here is the video, which I’m sure you’ve seen and the lyrics below it.  I always read song lyrics when I love something. I want to know it aligns with how I feel about the beat. Just being real.  If the beat doesn’t move me, I’m less interested.  In fact, I love so many instrumentals and jazz tunes, which have no words.

I think it’s important to think about how black women and women in general are considered commodities in the music business.  There is a song that actually says, “I want the money, the cars, the clothes, the hoes.  I just want to be successful.” So when Beyonce talks about taking a man shopping for giving her good sex… She is own her own sexuality. She is reversing the roles… I don’t know that matriarchy is any better than patriarchy but it’s definitely a break from business as usual.

[Intro: Messy Mya]

What happened at the New Orleans?

Bitch, I’m back by popular demand

[Refrain: Beyoncé]

Y’all haters corny with that Illuminati mess

Paparazzi, catch my fly, and my cocky fresh

I’m so reckless when I rock my Givenchy dress (stylin’)

I’m so possessive so I rock his Roc necklaces

My daddy Alabama, Mama Louisiana

You mix that negro with that Creole make a Texas bama

I like my baby heir with baby hair and afros

I like my negro nose with Jackson Five nostrils

Earned all this money but they never take the country out me

I got a hot sauce in my bag, swag

[Interlude: Messy Mya + Big Freedia]

Oh yeah, baby, oh yeah I, ohhhhh, oh, yes, I like that

I did not come to play with you hoes, haha

I came to slay, bitch

I like cornbread and collard greens, bitch

Oh, yes, you besta believe it

[Refrain: Beyoncé]

Y’all haters corny with that illuminati mess

Paparazzi, catch my fly, and my cocky fresh

I’m so reckless when I rock my Givenchy dress (stylin’)

I’m so possessive so I rock his Roc necklaces

My daddy Alabama, Mama Louisiana

You mix that negro with that Creole make a Texas bama

I like my baby heir with baby hair and afros

I like my negro nose with Jackson Five nostrils

Earned all this money but they never take the country out me

I got a hot sauce in my bag, swag

[Chorus: Beyoncé]

I see it, I want it, I stunt, yellow-bone it

I dream it, I work hard, I grind ’til I own it

I twirl on them haters, albino alligators

El Camino with the seat low, sippin’ Cuervo with no chaser

Sometimes I go off (I go off), I go hard (I go hard)

Get what’s mine (take what’s mine), I’m a star (I’m a star)

Cause I slay (slay), I slay (hey), I slay (okay), I slay (okay)

All day (okay), I slay (okay), I slay (okay), I slay (okay)

We gon’ slay (slay), gon’ slay (okay), we slay (okay), I slay (okay)

I slay (okay), okay (okay), I slay (okay), okay, okay, okay, okay

Okay, okay, ladies, now let’s get in formation, cause I slay

Okay, ladies, now let’s get in formation, cause I slay

Prove to me you got some coordination, cause I slay

Slay trick, or you get eliminated

[Verse: Beyoncé]

When he fuck me good I take his ass to Red Lobster, cause I slay

When he fuck me good I take his ass to Red Lobster, cause I slay

If he hit it right, I might take him on a flight on my chopper, cause I slay

Drop him off at the mall, let him buy some J’s, let him shop up, cause I slay

I might get your song played on the radio station, cause I slay

I might get your song played on the radio station, cause I slay

You just might be a black Bill Gates in the making, cause I slay

I just might be a black Bill Gates in the making

[Chorus: Beyoncé]

I see it, I want it, I stunt, yellow-bone it

I dream it, I work hard, I grind ’til I own it

I twirl on my haters, albino alligators

El Camino with the seat low, sippin’ Cuervo with no chaser

Sometimes I go off (I go off), I go hard (I go hard)

Take what’s mine (take what’s mine), I’m a star (I’m a star)

Cause I slay (slay), I slay (hey), I slay (okay), I slay (okay)

All day (okay), I slay (okay), I slay (okay), I slay (okay)

We gon’ slay (slay), gon’ slay (okay), we slay (okay), I slay (okay)

I slay (okay), okay (okay), I slay (okay), okay, okay, okay, okay

Okay, okay, ladies, now let’s get in formation, cause I slay

Okay, ladies, now let’s get in formation, cause I slay

Prove to me you got some coordination, cause I slay

Slay trick, or you get eliminated

[Bridge: Beyoncé]

Okay, ladies, now let’s get in formation, I slay

Okay, ladies, now let’s get in formation

You know you that bitch when you cause all this conversation

Always stay gracious, best revenge is your paper

[Outro]

Girl, I hear some thunder

Golly, look at that water, boy, oh lord

Filed under: Music, New Music, Self Reflection Tagged: a writing life, activism, activist, african american, african american history, art, artist, Beyonce, black history, black woman, creole, focus, Formation, inspiration, Love, meditation, motivation, music, seeking sex without armor, spirit, writer, writing, writing journey

River

 

These twin’s music is poetry. I like this expression. It’s so beautiful, I had to share it.

Filed under: Music, New Music, random Tagged: a writing life, art, inspiration, meditation, motivation, New Music, poetry, spirit

Internet Dating

You were a concept

Heaven?

Euphoria?

You spoke

Yoruba spells

Made me mouth

Puckering at the thought of tasting

Citrus.

But could you

Peel me

Without scarring the flesh

You bare to eat?

Thousands of miles away

Animal

In a cage

Promising

To bend to all my whims

And proclivities.

You are

Hope

A little beyond grasp

But who are you

there?

Filed under: Free-write, Poem, Poetry, random Tagged: a writing life, art, black woman, Black Women, dating, Love, love poems, nik nicholson, poet, poetry, writer

The Artist’s Way

A friend is taking a creative writing class and said she was using this book. I picked the book up and started doing some of the exercises.  One of them is to help you get unblocked. It’s working. I’m definitely being more freer… not just in my art but also in life. I’m making changes I say I want to do but never actually set a date to get to it…

You are suppose to write three pages by hand every morning. I have to get up at like 3 am so I’m not getting up at 2:30 am to do it.  However I have actually done them a few times before work… And I kind of wrote about how I’m slowly coming into it. I don’t know. I’m not going to say what I won’t do.  What I have been doing is writing every day three pages as I committed to do for the next 12 weeks.  So I don’t actually write in the morning but I’m writing… And you can write whatever is on your heart. You aren’t necessarily suppose to come back and read it. It’s more of getting whats on your mind out of the way.

I’ve got to get some rest, but I wanted to blog about this because it feels like it’s changing my writing.

To be honest, I’m feeling freer but I’m not writing what I want to write.  I had a horrible writing session the other day… However, I’m forcing myself to have writing sessions. I’ve got to set some writing dates with myself too.

I’m hopeful. I feel more confident.  So I’d recommend it.

 

(Disclaimer: This particular post may be riddled with errors. I decided I wanted to share what I was doing… but I wasn’t going to stress… I’m not here for that.)

Wishing everyone more great ideas and free flowing thought on to the page or canvas or whatever medium of expression you use. Love

 

Filed under: random, Self Reflection Tagged: a writing life, Artist Way, focus, inspiration, introspection, Julia Cameron, meditation, motivation, patience, Research, writer, writer's block, writers, writing, Writing exercises, writing journey, writing prompt