Kaberi Dutta Chatterjee's Blog: Life and Laughter, page 19
May 14, 2014
Sita hadn’t had sex for 18 years… Until now…
DISCLAIMER: This is strictly a woman’s issue. This article is not responsible for any man’s reaction. This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to a person, living or dead, is purely coincidental.
It began happening right after childbirth. Her body bloated, she was lactating, she smelt baby food, the baby pee and that adoring smell of shit all over her and Sita was so busy enjoying her motherly curves, and the uninhabited intimacy with her baby, she forgot that her body was possessed by another man quite passionately just a few days ago.
In fact, whenever the man came to her vicinity, she was reluctantly trying to switch into being the passionate woman once, and then growled back become the endearing mom the next. Often simultaneously. It’s a very, very difficult job and all mothers know this.
Quite naturally, the person she was married to settled quite silently into the next room. She gave him food and water, asked him how he was… barely,
AND HER BABY SQUEALED!
Her baby was needing her every single moment, even before the second hand clicked twice.
She hadn’t answered a single call while not holding baby in one hand, cleaning baby’s potty, giving him a bath, feeding her. She hadn’t read a single newspaper for a year. She just watched the television soaps while putting him to sleep and sang a lullaby or two while doing so, songs she knew.
The baby grew up, her nature of the problems changed. This time she was undergoing depression of going to school. So after being in a night shift till 3 in the morning, Sita had to wake up diligently at 6.30, woke herself up with a large glass of lemon-honey in boiling, hot water. Literally shook her sleep out of her eyes and sung a lullaby in a groggy voice to wake up her heroine. She switched on her cartoon channel while dressing her in the bed. Then, as her daughter came to terms that she had to go to school, despite all, Sita sent her to the washroom. Her all-understanding maids were her Man-Fridays who filled up a lot of void.
Meanwhile, her biological father, who was quite busy at the washroom, humming, would be ready by then and would do Sita the favor of dropping his daughter to school. But often he would say he had a meeting and left fast…. and then they ran, to catch the first rickshaw or first auto to make it to school on time.
Till the age of 10.
10 years passed. And Sita never had any sex!
10 years the person she’s married to hadn’t strayed (in societal standards) but had moved away quite far!
And it was already time for Sita and her daughter to start life all over again in a different land. For Sita and her daughter, because the person she was married to didn’t want to go.
Though the person she was married to later followed her to the Land of Opportunities, (he loved them, he said) and took charge of all the financial burdens, Sita and the person she’s married to are just two strangers now living as room mates.
Sex? What’s that?
Ookok.. I am sure a lot of women out there are making the ‘Tsk’ sound and scrolling below to make a comment. Wait! Wait! There’s more.
The person Sita is married to, not just physically, even mentally moved miles away from them, though they lived under the same roof. He has not grown intellectually, while Sita has grown wings to reach the intellectual sky now in her career. Her cerebral prowess was clearly far superior and her daughter’s intellect was even higher. The man she was married to had a hard time catching up with them. He still wallowed in slapdash jokes and a peg or two of whiskey with any of his 500 friends on his Facebook friend list. For him, everyone in his life is of utmost importance, baring his own family, with whom he was mentally miles apart.
He had no clue what are the duties of a father, to even consider fulfilling them.
Sex? What’s that?
Another 8 years.
Now her daughter is almost 18. She asked the person she’s married to one night, directly, looking straight into his eye. (Quite unlike for a woman to do so) “Can we have sex?”
He looked up from his laptop. Quite shocked at the blatancy. “No. I’m too tired after all this… And now, look at you?” He said after a pause and walked away.
Sita looked at herself. Yes, she had the bloated figure which she never cared for because her mind was into “other” things. Lots of “other” things.
But she didn’t quite hate it and she didn’t quite think having a good body should lead to sex, particularly between a man and his wife.
But she somehow could not digest the insult. So she asked: “So is it okay for me to have sex elsewhere?”
Stumped, he shrugged. “Yea… I guess…If you feel the urge.” Predictably, not meeting her eye.
Sita must be lucky to have married to a person like that, and lived with the person for 20 years! She must be lucky. Oh! Why didn’t she ask before?
So, there is a secret in Sita’s life. There can be a secret in your life. Don’t be afraid. We know for every woman to step out of her ‘home’, there has to be a REAL good reason. A secret.
KDC
Filed under: For a thought....
May 3, 2014
10 Reasons Why You Should Leave Your Job and Come Back to Kolkata
I usually do not reblog, but this language is so compelling that I had to share on my own blog. This would go perfectly with my own write-up Phuchka, Mahalaya and First Love. And also this Facebook Note: https://www.facebook.com/notes/kaberi-dutta-chatterjee/ek-jhhotkay-aaina/317708344916292
Originally posted on Some like it hot:
Biryani
You know for a fact that no one knows Biryani like you do. No one loves biryani like you do. No one misses biryani like you do.
You don’t get anything in your neighbourhood that even remotely resembles biryani. Here in Kolkata, when you were in the mood for some subtlety in your Biryani you’d walk down to Aminia. For a full bodied taste, you’d stroll down to Aliya/ Shiraz/ Arsalan. For a plate of sumputous lip smacking biryani in general, with a large chunk of aaloo and one whole dim seddho (boiled egg) you used to step out of that car/ bus/ auto/ taxi anywhere in Kolkata. And just in case you were one of those adventurous ones, you walked frequently down that dingy lane off CIT road Puddopukur for the heavenly beef biryani at Qayum’s. You have never tasted better Biryani. Anywhere. In the World.
Park Street
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Filed under: For a thought....
April 2, 2014
Add a Tang to your life!
Penchant was to preserve what was slipping from our fingers: The vibrancy of magazines, the colors, the design, the layout, the words, the stories, the content, the passion. Penchant was to make use of what was available now: Technology, and create an online designer mag that would smear colors and add tang to the fading flavors of the world. We needed an online magazine which would bring the world together. Unify skin colors, fade borders and highlight humanity.
We realized we had the experience, we had the team, we had the expertize. All we needed was the zeal to make it happen. We chose the younger generation’s fervor and the older generation’s expertize to launch CITRUS… for posterity of humankind…
For you: http://www.citrusmag.com/
Filed under: For a thought.... Tagged: beauty, Citrus, food, gossip, health, hollywood, magazine, tangy ezine, travel. bollywood
March 20, 2014
Five husbands? Not a bad idea!
I was very amused hearing Kalki Kolchen speak on 13th Indian Today Conclave on International Women’s Day on March 8.
Then when I heard her say:
“You remember Draupadi?
Draupadi married off to all five Pandavas.
She garlanded only Arjun
But they told her you got to marry all of us.
Five husbands! That can’t be fun.
God know I have enough trouble with one.”
Hmmmm!!
My one eyebrow shot up! That’s interesting! Not a bad idea. Five husbands? That too by default? Well, to begin with, I wouldn’t mind that.
Oops! Please don’t get me wrong. My only husband is fine. Just that when you are eating a staple diet all your life, you scream and shout and try to make it palatable enough to eat it everyday, each day for a hundred years… Then someone tells you, you know what? You could have had five different staple diets. Five men to understand you. One man to do your shopping, one man to understand your tears, one man to do the plumbing breakdown, one man to cook you a soup when you are unwell, and one man to unconditionally love you.
Does that sound too bad now? Now that I’ve broken down the jobs that ONE single man does among five men, I am sure even men are amused by this post. They wouldn’t mind sharing their wife with four more ‘husbands’. Phew! I know men, how tiring it is to be with ONE woman. This is a gift to you!
Furthermore, we women put too much expectations on one man in one single marriage. Be it in the form of a daddy or a hubby, be it in love, in cuddling (but not taking us to bed), in changing diapers, feeding baby, cuddling baby, but not so much that you forget us. Understand! Understand! Understand! Men draw a blank at this the very first time itself. Then support us when we fight with your best girl: Your mom (The old witch!)
I know it’s hard, men. Which is why I suggest you start looking for other hubbies for your wife.
Yes, yes, I know there are other fringe benefits of having a few more men around. You can watch the soccer match with just ONE woman screaming in the background. (What else did you think? Naughty boys!!) You can share the house-work and bringing up of the babies. These days, you anyway, have to bring up the babies, or you are branded the villain. A few more husbands wouldn’t hurt.
And about five bedrooms? Come on! That can be ‘adjusted’. ;)
So? Do I start looking out your wife’s first groom? Or do you?
Filed under: For a thought.... Tagged: 5 husbands, blog, Draupadi, Kaberi Chatterjee, Kalki Koechlin, Mahabharat, Women's Day
January 28, 2014
Rahul, you should have apologized
Rahul Gandhi with Arnab Goswami at the Times Now interview, his first in 10 years
#RahulSpeaksToArnab
I had to write and rewrite this blog, as I realized this interview (#RahulSpeaksToArnab) is speedily gnawing at the sensitive pockets of the 1984 riot victims. For all his inane remarks that Rahul Gandhi said, while getting himself entangled in a ball of yarn thrown at him by my one-time bro-buddy, Arnab Goswami, on Times Now last night, the Gandhi grandson’s 1984 riot remark has made him put his both his feet right into his guts!
I won’t be surprised that by the time India sees the Wednesday daylight, sparks will have ignited across the country due to his 1984 riot remark. I sincerely hope not.
It was a conscious decision for me to leave India in 2009, after having battled for 42 years with corruption. The last 10 years, especially, when the UPA government and CPI (M) in West Bengal were at their political worst. But this is the first time in last four years that I turned around and was once again interested in Indian politics. Or the lack of it, I may say. Poor Shehzada! He was reluctantly tied on a chair which had a Tandoor below, hell-fire above and jabbing arrows from all other sides. And to have Arnab grill him, albeit slowly over hell-fire. I was so amused to see the grandson of our own Iron Lady, who we had watched growing up after his father’s assassination with lots of sympathy, get cooked in ‘Arnab fire’; get roasted stealthily; until he was ready to run and cry: “Mummmmyyyyy!!”
As Arnab tweeted: Ppl frm othr countries are jealous of India & its opportunities. Even if u are an idiot, you can aspire to become anything. Even a PM. #RaGa
So we know. After seeing and going gooey-eyed over dashingly (?) handsome Rahul and confident-looking Priyanka, who we thought would carry the baton of their grandmom, are in real life, idiots. Thank God Priyanka never gave an interview. I don’t know how she would have tied herself in knots and how the country of 1.27 billion people, some of who still have hopes pinned on her, would have reacted.
I don’t understand politics much, just was curious to know the fate of my motherland, as I was watching it from a safe distance. I have been there, done my bit, and I don’t wish to burn my butt any more.
But the humor in this entire anecdote soon is turning grim as the victims of 1984 riots and their families are reacting after waiting for justice in patience for 30 years. What would have happened if the Congress Vice President apologized? Would he have been beaten up by his mom? Now he is about to be beaten up by the mob! I witnessed the 1984 riots. I remember how the Sikhs were burned with burning tires tied to them. I remember how the riots and massacre sliced the country up into pieces. I also remember the Gujarat riots, how the bodies of those massacred were paraded, how a pregnant woman’s womb was sliced open and foetus thrown into fire.
Everyone should apologize. If they want a fresh start, they should go down on their knees and beg for apology. We only talk about the British apologizing to us for Jallianwalabagh massacre? What about these home-grown murderers? How can they be let scot-free?
All said and done, I wonder what the voters are going to do on the morning of the upcoming spring Lok Sabha elections? A majority will vote Narendra Modi, I am sure, as he is a good administrator, albeit everything. But a huge minority, who will never forgive him for the 2004 genocide; and a whole lot of sensible people, who can see the gleaming greed in his twinkling eyes, as he teams up with Baba Ramdev to whistle at the yoga crowds, will be in a fix.
Who do they vote for? AAP? For Kejriwal, who, despite all his noble intentions, is just another male Mamata Banerjee?
I am really sorry for the Indian voters. And I am sorry for my country. When I was there, I never voted. Never. Because I didn’t think democracy in reality was in practice then. I would have just been making fun of myself trying to vote for someone. Now I am out of the country and I can’t even vote.
As the Lok Sabha elections near, it is getting more and more antagonizing (hopefully, amusing) to watch from a distance the trio entangle themselves inside a circus ring trying to loop in their voters. Politicians, when will you take your jobs seriously?
Filed under: For a thought.... Tagged: #RahulSpeaksToArnab, 1984 riots, 2014 elections, Arnab Goswami, elections, India, Rahul Gandhi, RahulGandhi, Times Now, Timesnow
December 31, 2013
2013 in review
The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2013 annual report for this blog.
Hit 7000 views this new year… !
Thank you readers for making this blog so special and inspiring me to keep the writer in me alive. You know, writers’ hit the ‘Writers’ Block’ often? But I never hit that, thanks to the constant comments and views on the blog that inspired me to write incessantly.
I often wrote in the middle of the night, and one morning I woke up to find a reader (and a friend) taking his time off to point out many editorial mistakes in the post. “A writer/editor of your caliber cannot afford to make mistakes.” I was amazed and happy that my posts were read so eagerly, and made the rectifications immediately!
It’s your quiet appreciation that has been my lifeline of survival, and I would not have been able to write the way I did without your silent support.
There are 72 posts in total, and 18 new posts this year alone.
I hope I can continue to write for my readers…
Thankyouthankyouthankyou… and a Very Happy New Year to you!
Here’s an excerpt:
A San Francisco cable car holds 60 people. This blog was viewed about 2,200 times in 2013. If it were a cable car, it would take about 37 trips to carry that many people.
Click here to see the complete report.
Filed under: For a thought....
December 23, 2013
Bullet Raja
The other day my son and I were discussing over dinner table how I think it’s a great idea for all youth, from 14 to 19, undergo mandatory military training. And this should be applied in ALL countries.
A military training teaches:
Basic self-defense
Makes your backbone supple enough to learn to take orders from seniors which can come in handy later on in life for jobs, making things easy for you and the boss, and for a smoother office ambiance.
Unfortunately, for the Boss, the training also teaches you how to tide over the adversities in life and grab your destination. Which means the boss’s seats won’t be warm for long. In other words, it builds inner strength and confidence, which our responsible new generation seem to be missing a lot.
As a parent, I don’t abhor Internet. I think it’s good, if we can harness its powers and not give in to it like a slave. Like not become a slave to Facebook, even when I don’t want to. Why do I have to ‘like’ certain status? Why do I care whether your tongue is purple from eating blueberries? I don’t want to play Farmville, Cityvilles and a whole lot of villes. I don’t want to sign all those petitions, I don’t want to hear all those songs you keep stuffing down my throat. I don’t want to participate in all the discussion which my friends are participating in and I am getting tagged at, constantly. It’s my life. I’d rather watch ‘Kissan’ on TV. Has anyone heard of ‘Kissan’? Good. It’s something I am watching.
Be it Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, Sherlock, The Walking Dead – with loads of humans turning zombies — or any other show I don’t know of, you are watching episodes after episodes in one single day, and not exactly feeling on top of the world and satisfied. But personally beating up two junkies on the road who were harassing a woman and testifying that at the Police Station, may… MAY just seem like a lifetime opportunity! You MAY come back home with your chests bursting through the seams.
But that can happen only when you know how HARD you can hit. And that comes from military training, to know what your body is capable of. Moreover, when you graduate from such training, you’ll be holding a badge for being a silent vigilante. Not for a bad progeny, what say, Mr Super… Mr Spider… errr ..ooopppssss, Mr BRUCE WAYNE?? !!! BATMAN!!!!
But then, again you have to combat the a bigger monster at home. Laziness. To get enrolled in a program, and continue it seriously. Don’t blame parents. 88% of parents won’t want their delicate boys and girls to get muscles and fight for the country. So they are on your side. But which side are you on?
I got rather inspired after seeing the teenager in India who fought back her rapist so badly that he escaped. That should be the mindset of women in the entire world about such warped-minded men. Plans to form an organization based purely on military training is on my Life Cards… But I’ll have to wait.
You guys like reading in bullet form; I’ve given to you in bullet form. Now for you to save yourselves from real bullets from me, if you don’t Google the next 
available military camp nearby and enroll yourselves. I have you at gun-point!
Here are some links in Canada:
For Men:
http://peel.cioc.ca/record/CDR0213
https://www.soldiersoffitness.com/
For Women:
http://www.bootycampfitness.com/
In General:
http://www.leanbodystudio.com/boot-camp-mississauga-2/
http://www.ventureacademy.ca/
In India:
http://www.psgtech.edu/ncc/02NccInfo.html
Filed under: For a thought.... Tagged: Boot Camp, Military
December 16, 2013
Travails of a paranoid mom of a teenager…
It’s been a while. My parenting role is taking a new turn. Thought I must share this, as I am a little ahead of my friends in parenting timeline being the mother of an 18-aproaching boy. He has a decent moustache, a beard that which I can only feel when I kiss him cheek to cheek, and he shaves twice a week. Neighboring girls slither past him and he romps past them. This is that stage, when you need the mom the most, yet you don’t need her doing micro, ‘irritating’ things for you. So my role is changing and suddenly I find my nerves relaxing. Initially it was a devastation! My child growing up???!!! WHY God why? Why me? My baby was so cozy in my arms, I fed him so well, I sung him all the songs I could to remember to make him sleep. I had the best parenting plans. Sleepless nights, fevers, immunizations, childhood asthma, painful styes in his eyes… first tooth, first walk, first talk, first flipping over in bed, first toothless smile on seeing me after a while. He was okay. Why did he grow up so much!! I was fine with him… carrying him in my lap and cuddling him to sleep.
I know! I know! There’s a phrase for this!!! “EMPTY-NEST SYNDROME”. The faster you can accept it, the faster you move on.
And that is why I dived deep into my motherhood self that happened almost 18 years back and scolded the mom in me always wanting to cater to her baby’s needs. “WITHDRAW!” “LEAVE HIM ALONE” ” MAKE HIM RESPONSIBLE”. “GO FIND A JOB, HE NEEDS SPACE”… space from his mom? My other half meekly protested. “YES” I growled and recited Kahlil Gibran.
“You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.”
“Once your child doesn’t need you, then you move back and relax.”
I cried alone for days. I am sad. Depressed. Frustrated. Dejected. Betrayed. Uncared for. Unloved.
At night, while relaxing on the sofa and watching the soapy soaps, I’ve often cooed him out of his den, ‘Baaammmmm’… And he too knew this was the call when Mom is at her emotional worst. He abandoned his online friends and came to me smiling. Like an ostrich, he dug his head into my lap, and knew I would be happy. In that upside-down pose, with only his head in my lap and the rest of the body sticking out like an ostrich, I am sure he too was happy. And then so many times he fell asleep in that pose.
…..I tried NOT to remember one time when he had just started to crawl… had fallen asleep on a rug…..
He too is bending backwards to help me get independent of him.
And I got independent soon. I stopped checking on his clothes, (don’t read closet), his room’s temperature at night, his food habits.
I am confident about my upbringing.
I learned to spend my times alone. With my work, thoughts, writings and business, and TV. Now I am now just a friend to my son. A roommate.
“Hi!”I ask him when he gets back home. “How was the hang out?”
And he is fast becoming an independent, self-thinking, decision-making person, I should be proud of!
……. kind of selfish to say, but him without teeth… I was much more comfortable with….
Hmmmmm……………. Lately I am feeling that I’ve formally completed motherhood…. :O
A mother of a 17-year-old
Filed under: For a thought....
December 13, 2013
Which jobs will survive the Robotic Revolution?
Which jobs will survive Robotic Revolution?.
It’s almost scary the way robots are taking over manpower. Telemarketing, cold-calls, cleaning, singing, talking, etc have already been taken over by the bots. We have created our own Frankesteins, and we don’t even realize that if we don’t control cheap robots replacing human labor now, one day we will starve ourselves to death.
For now, which jobs do you think will survive the Robotic Revolution?
What career advise will you give to your children, that will not clash with the bots?
We would love to hear your opinions and debates on the topic.
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Filed under: Serious matter
