Wendi Bear's Blog, page 2
September 3, 2020
Downgraded Fountain
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We hopped into the Uber together when an odd feeling hit me. I leaned over to my friend, “How do I look?”
“You look fine, why?”
“I look really hot in this dress, right?” I asked for confirmation.
“You always look hot.”
“Thanks, I just have this weird feeling. Like… I think we may run into The Prince, and he’s going to be with a girl.”
“I would say that’s strange. But, we probably will. Your premonitions have been pretty spot-on lately.”
“Well, if we do I’ll just ignore him.”
Our Uber pulled up to the restaurant a little while later, and we hopped out. Once inside I ran into people I actually knew IN REAL LIFE, and completely forgot all about my premonition of The Prince. We drank until the sun went down, and the bartender hit on me as usual.
Once it was dark, I ordered us a ride home and went to use the bathroom. On my way out, the bartender stopped me.
“Hey, don’t be a stranger. I’ve missed you coming around.”
“I’ve missed going out! I’ve been trapped inside with my kids for months.”
“Come back next week, but make sure you don’t bring a date.”
It took me a second to figure out who he was referring to. Then it hit me, the last time I had come in, was with The Prince. “Oh!” I let out a nervous giggle. “Yeah, you don’t have to worry about him, that guy dumped me a long time ago.”
“Well he’s an idiot then. You deserve much better. How come you aren’t on the dating apps, like your friend, Bubble?”
“Oh, I’m not like that. I’m not an easy catch,” I warned.
“Are you two still hanging out?”
“No, we don’t talk anymore.”
He gave me an interested glance.
“Nothing happened, we just went our separate ways.” I said.
“Our ride is here,” I suddenly noticed Penny standing behind me.
“It was good to see you again! Bye,” I waved to him.
“No dates next time!” he reminded me.
I just shook my head.
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Now, I’m going to take you back in time to early last March….
(and I promise that little story above will have some relevance in the end)
I remember that magic moment like it was an hour ago. The second my sweet Princy Poo walked through my door to stay!
He was wearing his work uniform, I reached out and gave him a giant hug.
“I should shower,” he said.
“You are just fine. I had a key made for you, it’s on the table.” I pointed it out, then opened up the fridge.
“I have something for you!” I teased. “Something I’ve been wanting to give you for a long time.” I pulled out a Stella Artois, popped the cap and handed it to my babe. “How long have we been waiting to have a drink together? At least a year, here we go!” I raised my bottle, “To your freedom.”
The Prince hesitantly stared down at his beer, “It just feels so weird,” he admitted. “It’s been too long. I don’t know if I should.”
His reaction had caught me off guard. “You don’t have to! If you don’t want to drink, don’t.”
“Nah, I am. Give me a second.” After a moment he put the top of the bottle to his mouth and drank half of it in one gulp.
I giggled, as I sipped my own. “I’ve got dinner on the stove. Why don’t you finish that and take a shower. Food should be done by then.”
“I don’t eat when I drink,” he said.
“Oh? Why not?”
“I drink first. I eat at the end, then I go to bed.”
“Okay, well if you don’t mind, I may eat sooner, I don’t like to drink on an empty stomach.”
“You eat now. I’ll eat later.”
“Okay.”
After his shower, The Prince and I put on some music and pounded the entire case of beer. My phone had been blowing up all evening.
“Bubble keeps messaging me,” I told him. “She really wants to meet you.”
“Do you want to go out?” he asked.
“I told her I’d ask you, but I’m guessing you wouldn’t want to, being your first night here and away from family.”
“If you want to go out, I’ll go and meet your friends.”
“It’s just Bubble and Sal. Sal can pick us up, they offered to treat us to dinner. If you want to go, I can just pack up the food I made, for your lunch tomorrow.”
“Tell them we will go,” he said.
“Okay, I’ll tell her just for one drink. I’m pretty buzzed and we both have work in the morning.”
A half hour later, my friends pulled up. His Majesty and I, hopped in the back seat.
“So you just got out of jail?” Sal asked.
The Prince’s face turned the color of my thighs when I’m on the rag.
“Yep.”
“Theo Lacy? I spent a year in there,” Sal said. “Petty larceny, actually been in there a few times.”
“Who did you represent?” Princy Poo asked.
That was all it took… from that moment on, Sal and The Prince were best buds. Not able to get a word in edge wise, Bubble and I started texting each other in the car.
We pulled up to the brewery and made our way inside. There, we were greeted by our favorite bartender.
“Hey,” I drunkenly slurred, “I want you to meet The Prince! This is the guy I had been waiting for all those months! He’s finally out of the pen!”
“Ah, nice to meet you, but sorry guys, we are closed tonight for a private event. We’ll be open again tomorrow.”
“Oh no, where do we go now?” Bubble complained.
“I know a place down the street,” Sal suggested.
As we made our way back to the car, the prince whispered sternly into my ear, “Asterisk, please. You must stop telling people I was in jail.”
“Oh, shit. I’m so sorry! I didn’t even think about it. I didn’t mean to embarrass you.”
“I am not embarrassed. People don’t need to know these things.”
“It won’t happen again,” I promised.
Five minutes later we were parked at another brewery, luckily this one was open. Before Bubble and I could even collect our hand bags, the boys had taken off down the sidewalk, continuing their convict conversation.
“Wow, they are really hitting it off, huh?” Bubble noticed.
“Yes,” I said, secretely rolling my eyes. After all, bubble wasn’t the brightest diamond in the ring.
“Aww! It’s so cute! Now we can both be in love, and our boyfriends will be best friends too, and we can hangout together everyday and…”
I stopped listening to Bubble’s rampant nonsense, and started to focus on my annoyance of being left behind by my date.
This was the first time we had ever gone out together, and The Prince didn’t have enough decency to help me out of the car, let alone escort me inside.
I decided to wave it off, I was happy he was making a friend and I wanted to keep the vibe up. Besides, I already had a bone to pick with Sal.
Once seated we ordered a round of drinks and appetizers to split. After downing two Long Island Iced Teas in ten minutes, Bubble excused herself to use the bathroom.
That’s when I decided to confront Sal. “I know you’re still dating that other girl,” I said to him. “It’s not cool, Bubble is in love with you.”
“No, I’m not, I broke it off with her a while ago.”
“Don’t lie to me, Sal. I saw the pictures you posted with her on social media, and your roommate told me anyway.”
“Asterisk, calm down. It’s cool,” The Prince chimed in.
“I’m warning you Sal, if you break her heart, you’ll have to deal with me,” I threatened.
Seeing Bubble returning from the bathroom, I leaned in and kissed my Princy Poo on the cheek, and gave Sal my famous, “death stare.”
After a few more rounds, we decided to get the check. Once it was placed on the table, The Prince reached for it and inserted a $100 bill inside.
“I was going to get that!” Sal said.
“No, no, no. It’s on me,” the Prince insisted.
“Thank you!” Bubble said.
“Thanks dude!”
“Aww, you’re the best, Babe,” I added.
On our way out, the boys once again, walked ahead. There was a couple exceedingly high on drugs sitting on the edge of a water fountain.
“Hey!” the man shouted, “Hey! How much money will you give me if I throw my girlfriend in?”
I didn’t look their way, and continued waking.
“I’m going to do it! I’m gong to throw her in the fountain!”
The woman remained on the side, consumed by her own hysterical laughter.
Bubble started skipping towards them while opening her wallet. “Umm, I have $5, how about five bucks to throw her in?”
“Bubble! No!” I scolded.
“I’ll take five bucks!” the man replied.
“God damn it, Bubble. Don’t encourage them, it’s freezing out. Someone’s going to get arrested. Let’s go!”
“Aww, but it’ll be funny!”
Not ready to deal with any bullshit, I grabbed my friend by the hood of her jacket and pulled her towards me.
Within seconds there was a loud splash. We all turned around to wittness the pair flopping around the frigid fountain like a pair of horny dolphins.
“Let’s get the fuck out here!” I said, then I glanced to the men, “Nether of you need to be around when the police show up.”
After being dropped off, I escorted my Prince to the bedroom and you can guess what occurred after that. I’ll save you the details this time, since The Prince had not yet rebuilt his newly un-incarcerated stamina.
But trust me in the weeks that followed he certainly did.
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So, let’s hop back to the beginning of this story. Remember that premonition I had about running into my sweet Prince at the brewery last month? Well, he never showed up that night…
However, three days later, he fucking did!
That’s right, I came home to find his fat ass inside my apartment complex, standing next to his car, with…
YUP!
You guessed it!
A girl.
A complete downgrade. He waved at me and smiled. I just ignored him.
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Si tu voulais me contrôler, tu n’aurais pas dû partir.
If you like what you just read, CHECK OUT MY BOOKS! They have excellent reviews!
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The Free Transition
The Prince’s parents were here to help him get his life back on track after his release, and I must admit, I was actually amazed by how many things The Prince had accomplished in such a short amount of time.
His driver’s license was reinstated, he had a breathalyzer installed in his car, and he was even back to work. The only problem was he was hiding our relationship from his family.
Now don’t get me wrong, I had no desire to meet the people who had raised him. His Majesty had told me all about his abusive upbringing throughout our expensive nightly jail calls and it wasn’t pretty. Plus, they didn’t speak much English.
I just didn’t like the fact that he was now being so distant. The nightly calls had ended and the texting was minimal.
After a week of sitting by my nearly quiet phone, my impatience had gotten the best of me, and I sent him a text.
“Look Prince, I wanted to be there for you while you were in jail. That’s it, I did my job. I told you from the beginning, you didn’t owe me anything. We can end things here. It’s okay. Get on with your life.”
He responded right away.
“Asterisk, I stayed in this country for two reasons. One of them was my loyalty to my job, but the other reason was you. You know I have to spend time with my family. As soon as they leave, I’ll be there. I told you, I’ll stay a few months and I’ll help you out financially. Trust me, I’ll be around so much you’ll be sick of me. Please wait.”
“Pfft! I’ll never be sick of you!”
“I have to go now, we are at dinner. They will leave in two weeks. Then I’ll be with you.”
His words gave me hope and made my heart all soft and squishy. I went on with my day wearing a big smile across my retarded face.
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After work, I sat down to have a talk with my daughter. “Tomorrow is a big day, Rosie. I need you to really think about what you want.”
My child had come out as transgender a few years before, and realized she was a girl and not the male gender she had been assigned at birth. We had attended counseling ever since, along with regular appointments to an endocrinologist. Rosie had been having her hormones tested regularly, and she was now hitting puberty. Tomorrow was the day she was to begin hormone blockers.
“Rosie, if you start blockers tomorrow, they are going to put your puberty on pause, so you won’t develop physically until you’re 18. Are you really sure this is what you want?”
I had explained the process to her many times and had been going over it almost everyday that week in preparation.
“I don’t want to take pills or shots,” she said.
“I’m not sure what method the doctor will recommend, but you’ll probably have to do one of those for the rest of your life. This is a huge decision, Rosie. Please make sure you are certain of what you want. Think about it okay?”
“I will,” she said, before leaving the room.
When she was gone, I looked down to my phone. Nothing had come in that night from The Prince. My anticipation of finally being with my man was starting to get the best of me. I wanted to text him something, to open up any line of communication, but I knew it was best not to push him.
So, I turned on the TV.
A second later, Rosie had come back into the living room. “I don’t want to do it.”
Her words caught me off guard. “What? You don’t want to do what?”
“Be a girl.”
This was the first time since her transition, Rosie had ever said that.
“Okay. Well, can you tell me why you changed your mind?” I asked.
“It was just a phase.”
“Are you sure? You know that blockers are just to pause puberty and give you extra time to decide. If you take them, you can still change your mind later. You wouldn’t take female hormones until you were 18. You can take blockers and still decide to be a man when you are older.”
“I don’t want to be a girl anymore.”
“Okay, should I cancel the appointment?”
“Yes. I feel like I’m a man inside now.”
“Should I go back to calling you, Franklin, then?”
“Yup.”
I looked down to his long, waist-legnth, blonde waves. “Do you want a hair cut?”
“Uh huh. Can I go back to my room now?”
I sat confused as I watched him walk away. You would probably think that I should have let out a huge sigh of relief, but I was more worried than anything.
The first time he transitioned was a nightmare, he was bullied to the point of switching schools, family members and friends had disowned us. I certainly didn’t want my child going through all that that again.
I went to the fridge and pulled out one of the beers I had purchased in anticipation of my Princie’s arrival. Fuck it, I needed it! Then despite my better judgement, I texted him anyway.
“You won’t fucking believe this, Rosie just asked me to cancel her doctor’s appointment tomorrow. She said she wants to be a boy again.”
A second later, my phone rang.
“Hey Handsome!” I answered.
“Hey Babe! Did I just read that right? Rosie wants to be a boy!”
“Yeah. I’m in shock, I can’t belive it.”
The Prince started giggling, “That’s amazing! Wow! You have a son again!”
His tone caught me off guard. I’d never heard him sound happy before. “Are you drunk?” I asked.
“What? No! My family is here, I told you. Well, they are staying in a different room but same motel.”
“You sound… different.”
“I’m so happy for you! This is a celebration.”
“I’m so confused. She’s never changed her mind before, I just hope she’s making the right choice and that no one has been pressuring her, oh my God, I mean ‘him’ into it,” I said.
“That is great news. You see? You know why this happened for you?”
“No?”
“Because you are nice to me! How many times have I told you? When someone is nice to The Prince, good things happen for them!”
He had mentioned that numerous times.
He continued, “If you hurt me, bad things will come to you. You can ask my ex, you can ask my mother! Whenever they would piss me off, bad things happen to them. But you were nice to me in jail, and now you see? You receive this gift!”
I just laughed. I wasn’t about to say anything that might comprise my Princy Poo’s mood. Well, maybe just one thing…
“So you didn’t drink anything today?” I wasn’t convinced.
“Nooo! I told you, I spent the day with my family, I drink nothing.”
Even though I knew he was lying, I went along with it. “I’m drinking a Stella Atrois! I bought a case for when you come. I’ll only have three, I’ll save the rest for you.”
“I don’t care! Drink, be happy, celebrate. I’m out of jail now, I don’t care if you drink my beer, I’m free!”
The Prince and I talked for over an hour that night. It was the first conversation we ever had that I wasn’t paying for, and one of the only times I ever experienced him truly happy.
Although I certainly managed to piss The Prince off in the following months, Franklin never changed his mind about being a boy. I cut his long hair the following week, though he still wears women’s knee-socks… But who am I to judge?
J’ai trouvé la couverture.
If you liked this story, go check out my books!
Dead Ringer
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We had been friends for a long time before our relationship became sexual. Once we started sleeping together the dynamics completely shifted.
We spent about a month and a half having weekend date nights, becoming sexual increased my bond to him significantly. However it was the opposite for The Prince. I didn’t realize it at the time, but for him it had been about the conquest.
I’m pretty sure after he accomplished what he was after, he grew bored of me. He began to cancel plans to hang out on a semi-regular basis. Friends visited from his home country, and he didn’t invite me to meet them. Later on he even admitted to having another girl stay the night.
I was hurt by his dismissive behavior. It takes a lot for me to trust someone, but once I do, having that trust annihilated can have devastating consequences. I was still in denial, and was trying to figure out what had gone wrong and how I could fix things between us.
Princy Poo couldn’t have cared less. He wanted me on the back burner from then on, only to pull me out when it suited his sexual needs.
He was still driving around on that suspended license, and I knew he couldn’t keep it up forever. Eventually he would have to face the consequences for his actions. I had the gut feeling that things would be catching up to him very soon.
In the weeks that followed, I made plans to go out with friends, and was doing my best to get over him, but failing miserably. The Prince feared nothing more than exposure and had warned me multiple times never to write about him.
“I’m a writer, that’s what I do. I write about my life, it’s how I heal. If I were to write about you, it wouldn’t be about YOU. It would be about my own life experience. Nobody would ever recognize the character you’d inspire. Besides, you bought the book I wrote after breaking up with my ex!” I had reminded him, during one of our previous conversations.
“You will not write about me!”
“Oh yeah? Well, what are you going to do about it?” I asked.
“You won’t do it because you are an adult and you have respect,” he countered.
“I never write about the good ones. Don’t hurt me and I’ll have nothing to say,” I replied.
The pain from his discard lingered deep. One afternoon, I decided to make a promo video for my books. Although the Prince had asked me not to write about him, he never said I couldn’t make a video. I decided to go ahead and throw in some jabs while I was at it.
Knowing he still couldn’t drink due to the terms of his probation, I made sure to have a sixer of his favorite brew available, and used a word from his first language so he would know I was talking to him. I even threw in a punch about him going back to jail. Once it was published, I sent him the link.
He didn’t respond.
I waited a week or so, and then decided to text him again. Even though things had been rough between us for a while, it was unlike him to ignore me completely. I waited a few more days and tried texting again.
When he still didn’t respond, it finally occurred to me to check the local jail’s website. I went to the inmate search locator and put in his last name.
Holy shit!
There it was! He had been arrested two days after I published the video.
I went into shock. Although I had been angry at him for the way he had been treating me, I honestly didn’t think he’d get arrested. Although I knew it was a probability, I didn’t necessarily see it happening so soon.
His Majesty was going to blame me. I knew he was going to think I turned him in. I had just been trying to get a rise out of him.
I looked up the visiting days and hours and with my tail tucked between my legs, decided to go see him. As you can imagine, he wasn’t happy to see me.
I’ll never forget the blackness that consumed his eyes when he saw me standing by the phone that day. If he could have killed me right then and there, there’s no doubt in my mind, he would have.
He was hesitant to come to the phone, but he did. Although he picked it up, but he didn’t sit down.
“Why are you here? What do you want?” he asked.
“I was so worried about you.”
“No, you aren’t worried about me! You came here to laugh. This is what you wanted, to see me suffer!”
“No…” he cut me off.
“Bullshit! You are an actress! You are a liar!”
“No,” I shook my head. “I’m so sorry!”
“Sorry! Why? You did this?”
“No! I would never do anything to hurt you!”
“I saw your video! You make fun of me, you come here to see me suffer! You are an actress!” He gave me an evil smirk, “I had people who I was waiting to see today, now they can’t come! I only get one visit a day, you ruined it!”
I watched in desperation as he flung the phone down and left the room.
My heart was racing and I felt consumed with guilt. Though I hadn’t turned him in, I still shouldn’t have posted the video. I cried the entirety of the drive home.
I went back to see him on the next visiting day, but he refused the visit altogether, and stormed out after catching site of me. I left $40 on his books anyway.
My life had been in shambles for the majority of that year. I lost my high paying job six months prior and had been scrambling to makes ends meet ever since. I was working jobs that were both draining me and not cutting it financially.
The Prince had been the spark that kept me going.
I decided that I needed to do anything I could to fix things, and despite all the negative that had happened between us, I wasn’t going to let him serve his time alone. His family was out of the country and I knew he needed someone. Anyone.
So I started writing him letters, I sent one every single day. I apologized for the video, I told him how amazing he was. I wrote him stories about my day to day life. In the letters, I begged him to call me, just to let me know he was okay. I asked him if he needed help emptying his apartment. I offered to help pay his bills, I sent him my phone number in every letter and made sure to set up an account with money in it, should he decide to call. I even sent him books.
A month had gone by and he had yet to respond. My depression had worsened as my financial situation continued to decline. I was feeling emotionally depleted and hopeless. I didn’t want to live anymore. I was beginning to think even my kids would be better off without me.
It was a Friday night when I decided to break my six months of sobriety. My kids had gone to their father’s for the weekend. After work, I brought home two bottles of wine. I finished them pretty fast and decided that I needed more.
“Fuck it. I’m calling out of work tomorrow,” I thought to myself. Then, I canceled all of my appointments for the weekend. I walked into my son’s room and I emptied out a backpack. After, I wandered into my bathroom and removed the entirety of my medicine cabinet. I found bottles of old anti-depressants, anxiety medication and most importantly, the pills I used to lower my heart rate. I knew an abundance of those alone would definitely do the trick.
I lined all the bottles up on my coffee table and strapped on the backpack. I went into a cupboard and dug out an old weed pen.
I left my apartment and headed to the liquor store, vaping the pen along the way. Once to the store, I loaded the backpack up with as much booze as I could carry home.
It was a long two miles back to my apartment, I figured the walk would give me time to think about what I was planning to do. Unfortunately, it only confirmed my decision.
Once home, I poured myself a tall glass of wine and I dumped the pills onto a pile on the table. That was it, I had made my decision to no longer live in pain.
I downed the glass of wine as fast as I could and refilled it, deciding it would be the one I’d use to swallow the medications.
Now, I shit you not, just as I was reaching for the first handful, my phone began to ring. My caller ID said it was from the jail.
I couldn’t believe it. My heart began racing. I put down my drink and I answered that fucker.
I sat through a good 3 minutes of automation before we were finally connected.
“Hello,” I answered with a whisper.
“Hello.” His voice was as cold as a Chicago winter.
“Hi.”
“I’m calling because you asked me if I was okay. I just wanted you to know that my brother took care of my apartment. Everything has been handled. I don’t need you to worry about me.”
“Okay.”
“I thank you for the letters, and money you put on my books.”
“Of course. I just…”
“That’s it. Goodbye.”
I sat there paralyzed for close to an hour. Yet, for the first time since he had been locked up, I felt hope.
I decided not to kill myself that night.
So you see, despite the fact The Prince was only using me, and the horrible way he ended our friendship, he did actually save my life once.
Je suis plus heureux sans toi.
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***Sweater available at Nikki’s Closet
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August 28, 2020
I’m a Dumb Slut, Because Smart Whores Get Paid (Video)
This was the first story I wrote that was ever shared!
Still one of my favs! If you like the video, share it with all your friends xoxo
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This story is in the first book, “It’s not my fault. Self Discovery & Admission” by Wendi Bear
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I’m now taking pre-orders for autographed copies of my books. $30 shipping included. Email me for details!
Electrikkiss@hotmail.com
OR get your copy on Amazon today!
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XOXOX
August 26, 2020
Chasing Pussy Video
August 16, 2020
Thirty Times a Savage
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It was a Friday night, Bubble couldn’t hang out so I was bored and alone with my son. He being a teenager, spent his time in his bedroom, playing video games with friends and wanting nothing to do with me.
I decided to spend my evening drinking alone. I want you to know, that up until The Prince got out of the pen, I had quit drinking for the most part. After all, I spent the majority of my weekends waiting in line to visit him down at the jail.
Once he came to stay with me, we drank every single night. He had been gone two weeks at this point. Even though I had grown as tired of him as he was of me, I was starting to miss my drinking buddy.
After I was a good bottle and half of cheap champagne in, I decided to give ole Princy Poo a call.
“Hello?” he answered, after my third attempt.
“What are you doing?” I asked.
“I’m busy. What do you want?”
“Let’s hang out!” I said.
“No.”
“Oh come on! I’ll be there in twenty minutes, I’m calling an Uber.”
“No. I don’t want to see you,” he said.
“Why not? I’m bored! Let’s hang out.”
“I’m busy.” he said again. Then he hung up on me.
I was not in the frame of mind to take “no” for an answer. So I called him back. He didn’t pick up. I decided to keep calling. I’m pretty sure I called about thirty times.
When that didn’t work, I went into my son’s room and tried to borrow his phone. “Franklin! I need your phone!”
“Why?”
“I’m trying to call The Prince, he won’t answer on mine.”
“I’m in the middle of a game!” he whined.
“Just let me see it for a minute! I’ll give it right back!”
“But I’m in a battle, I’ll die!”
“It will take one minute!” I shouted, grabbing it out of his hand.
Franklin was pissed, he had been super obsessed with his games since the whole lockdown. My snatching his phone set him off, and he started to throw a tantrum.
The Prince picked up after two rings. “It’s me! I’m coming over! I’m getting in the Uber now!” I warned, before handing the phone back to my son.
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I walked into my room, grabbed my own phone off the bed, and noticed an incoming call. It was from my ex girlfriend, Vivian.
“Hey bitch!” I answered. “What are you doing?”
“Hey girl! Just hanging out, how about you?”
“I’m gonna go visit The Prince!“
“Eww! Why? He’s fucking psycho, girl. You need to stay away from him. He’s a crazy ass Muslim. He’ll blow your shit up!”
“He’s not that kind of Muslim, stop!”
“Whatever, those guys are all the same. You can do so much better. Seriously Asterisk, don’t go over there.” Her voice softened to a whine, “Stay here and talk to me. I miss you.”
“Aww… I miss you too! Okay.”
So instead of going over to see The Prince, I participated in a drunk video call with my ex. We talked until I passed out.
The next day, I was hungover as hell and Franklin was still mad that I had ruined his battle. I spent the day in bed nursing a hangover. It was around 8:00 pm that evening, when I received a call from His Majesty.
“Hey,” I answered.
“Hello?” he slurred. I could already tell that he was drunk.
“What’s up?”
“I’m calling you… to ask you… why you make your son cry?”
“What are you taking about?”
“Last night, you called me from Franklin’s phone, I spoke to him after and he said you made him cry.”
“I don’t know, I was drunk. I don’t remember.”
“Bullshit! What kind of mother makes her son cry?”
I didn’t respond.
“I want you to know I have ZERO respect for you. None. I used to respect you but not anymore.”
I remained silent.
“You called me thirty times. I have the record. Thirty times! You say you want to come here, but I didn’t want to see you.”
“I know, I’m really sorry. I drank too much.” I said.
“You can come here now so I can show you what I really am!”
“No, I can’t. I’m in bed. I don’t feel good and I have work in the morning.”
“Don’t play games with me Asterisk! I’m serious. You have no idea what I can do!”
At this point in the conversation, as I had done a few times prior, I set my phone to speaker mode and turned on my laptop. I had a gut feeling that this was something I might need to record.
“You think ‘The Prince’ is a nice guy, you think you can play with me. No!”
“I don’t want to play games with you.”
“What’s that? What did you say?” he began laughing. “You lost… You don’t know me. I’m not like other men, I’m a savage. I’m not from America, I’m African! You don’t know what it’s like where I come from. In my country we don’t play games. You know what? You know what I will do? I’ll fucking kill you. I… will… kill… you.” he chuckled.
I was still searching for the microphone button on my computer.
“No, you know what? I won’t kill you. Not right away. I will come over to your house and I will bash your car in. Then I will kill everyone you care about, everyone you love. I’ll make you suffer.”
His laughing grew more sinister.
“How long will it take you? Ten minutes? No, fifteen minutes?” he asked.
“How long will it take me to do what?”
“Pffft, don’t play games with me. How long to get an Uber? You’ll be here in twenty minutes?”
“I’m not going anywhere tonight, I’m in bed.”
“What?” he asked.
“I’m in bed, I’m hungover and depressed.”
“Don’t play games with me! You know what? You are nothing… nothing. You are not smart, you are not great. No. All those feeling I had for you before, they are gone. Done! Now I see who you really are. You make your son cry! That disgusts me. You are low, at the bottom. You are nothing. You are not even beautiful… You lost.”
My computer was finally recording.
“So you will not come?” he asked.
“No.”
“Pffft… yeah…” his laughing grew distant until he finally hung up.
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I didn’t talk to him again after that. I don’t even want to think about what he had planned for me that night, but I know it couldn’t have been good.
A month later he sent me a text that just said, “Hello.” I ignored it. A few weeks after that he started stalking my Facebook page with a fake account. I knew it was him, not just by the way he spoke and the emojis he used, but he also picked the name of a girl from his home country. Creepy right? I wonder who she is.
One of his comments read, “I’m masturbating to your loneliness.” Once I found them, I immediately blocked the page. A few days later I sent him an email:
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I would like to tell you all that this is the end of the story, but it is not.
Soooo… if anything happens to me, you know who did it. Well, either him or my old roommate… 
August 15, 2020
Barbecue Overboard
I went to work that Saturday excited and happy. The Prince had invited me to a barbecue and for the first time I was about to meet some of his friends. I made sure I had a babysitter for my kids that weekend. It had been a long time since I socialized.
That morning I picked out one of my cutest sun dresses and made sure my makeup and hair were perfect. I assumed I wouldn’t have much time to get ready after work, and I wanted to make a good first impression.
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The night before we had discussed our date. “What should I bring?” I asked, “I can stop at the store and make a side dish, maybe a dip?”
“No, please, you don’t bring anything. I will purchase meats from a market that has food from my country. The best meats, you will love them.”
“Are you sure, I don’t mind?”
“Please, I will bring the meats. Don’t spend your money.”
He was such a gentleman, that Prince!
I floated through my work day, and took my last appointment at 3:00 pm so I would be done early. Although Saturday was usually my busiest day, I decided to cut it short to spend more time with my Princy Poo.
After I finished my last client I sent him a text.
“Just finished work. I have to clean up and then I’ll head out. What time are we meeting?”
“I’m not sure yet,” he replied.
“Okay, I’ll head home, text me when you know.”
An hour later I was back at my apartment and still hadn’t heard from him. I went ahead and took a quick shower and touched up my makeup and hair.
It was now close to 6:00 pm and I was starving.
“Hey, I hadn’t heard back from you. Do you have a time yet?”
About thirty minutes later a text came through.
“I’m sorry, but my friends told me they had some bad news to share with me today. I came alone, they didn’t want more company. They live near you, I may have them drop me off there later when the barbecue is over.”
“Okay,” I replied.
I was in shock. Up until this point The Prince had always been consistent with plans. What was he hiding? Was this a “normal” way to treat a woman where he was from?
I pondered the situation for a bit as I opened up a can of Spagettios for dinner. I slipped out of my cute dress and into my pajamas.
I wanted to cuss him out, but I refrained. Instead I put on some bad TV but I just couldn’t get into it. I don’t know if it was the stress, or just my body, but for the first time that year my heart went into atrial fibrillation. I’d suffered with a heart condition for the past few years, but thought I was getting better after I had stopped drinking and lost about 50lbs. Apparently I wasn’t.
A few hours had passed, and my thinking got the best of me. I was feeling physically sick and emotionally drained. I don’t know what it was about The Prince’s energy, but ever since I met him, I could sense a heavy weight, almost like a black cloud around me. That should have been a sign.
I decided to speak up, and sent him a text.
“What you did tonight was really rude and I won’t tolerate being treated like that.”
“What was rude? My friends had bad news, I told you. What’s the problem?”
“The problem is that you made plans with me and then you canceled last minute,” I said.
He didn’t respond. A half hour later I sent another text.
“What bad news did they tell you?”
“They weren’t able to get their green cards renewed and they may have to leave the country. They planned this barbecue to say goodbye to me. It’s a very sad day.”
“I’m sorry to hear that. What time did you plan to come by?”
He didn’t respond.
“You know what? Fuck you!” I said with a middle finger emoji.
“Serously? You are saying that to me?”
“That’s right! Want me to say it again?” I asked.
“You don’t speak to me like that. I told you, my friends had a problem. I may see you later.”
It was close to eleven when I texted him again.
“Just letting you know, I’m really not feeling great. I’m in a-fib. It’s getting late and I’m almost ready for bed.”
After midnight a text finally came in. “Sorry for you. I just got home. Sleep well.”
I was still awake and had been waiting on him all night when I received it. It sent me over the edge.
“What the fuck? Are you serious? I’ve been waiting for you! You said you were coming here. “
“You told me you were sick so I went home. I was just down the street, my friend could have dropped me off there.”
“I thought that was the plan!” I sent back.
“You said you were going to bed, now you change your mind?”
I wasn’t sure what was going on. Was it was a game, a text miscommunication or a language barrier.
“I never said don’t come over. I was waiting for you to text me a time and I was letting you know it was getting late. I was hoping you would stay with me. When my heart acts like this, it’s scary. I don’t want to be alone.”
“Now you want me to come over? After I’m already home? Are you serious?”
Giving him the benefit of the doubt and feeling scared about my condition, I replied, “Yes, please. I’m really scared.”
“Fine. I will call Uber.”
It was around one in the morning when he appeared at my door. I let him in and reached for a hug.
“Nah, don’t touch me. I will sleep on your couch because you are scared, but that is it.”
His hauty attitude caught me off guard. Until that day, I had never seen his side of him.
Then something happened that I had never done before. I started crying! That’s right, I balled up in tears right in front of someone. And not just anyone, in front of his majesty.
My show of emotions set him off further.
“What? Now you are crying? You are trying to manipulate me!”
“No… I was waiting for you all night, I don’t feel good, I’m scared. I just want you next to me.”
“That is bullshit! That is what you women do. You use fake tears to try to manipulate men. I shouldn’t have come here. I’m leaving.”
I watched in horror as The Prince opened my front door and stormed out, slamming it behind him.
I went into my bedroom, crawled into bed and continued my weap fest.
A few minutes later, he came back inside. “Hey,” he said.
“I’m in here.”
He walked towards the bedroom. “You are still playing games?”
“I’m really upset. I’m emotionally drained. My heart is fucked, I can’t help it. I’m sorry. Will you just come here?”
“No, I already told you, I will sleep on the couch only. I came back to see if you would be done, but you aren’t.”
I didn’t know how to respond, but it had been a long time since I cried and I couldn’t get it to stop. I remained in my bed defeated.
He stood silently in my hallway for several minutes before finally leaving for good.
I should have ended it right then and there, but I was so confused. Had I overreacted? Was I being selfish by not showing empathy for his friends? Was I right to feel entitled to his time? Was I being manipulative by crying?
All I needed was a hug, a warm body next to mine and someone to tell me I’d be all right.
A few days later he messaged me and I ignored him. I needed time to think about what had transpired. I chalked it up to miscommunication and me being selfish. Although his lack of empathy was apparent, mine had been too. He had never flaked on me before and he did have valid reason. At this point I already cared about him, and I didn’t want to lose him. I was certain we could work things out.
By the following weekend, my heart had finally returned to normal and I was missing him. So, on my way to run some arrends, I sent him a text.
“Hi,” I texted.
“Hello.”
My adrenalin kicked into full gear after receiving his reply. I wasn’t sure if he would respond to me or not.
“What are you up to today? Do you want to hang out?” I asked.
“Why?”
“Cause I miss you. It’s a beautiful day and I’d like to spend it with you.”
He didn’t answer, so after a few minutes I gave up and I left my apartment. By the time he finally responded, I was halfway done with my tasks. I encountered a second adrenaline rush upon receiving the notification.
“I’m gong to the beach. You may come.”
“How are you getting there? Should I pick you up?”
“Yes. Be here at 2:00 pm please.”
I was there on the dot. I sent him a text and waited for him to come out.
My eyes lit up upon seeing him. He opened the back door to my SUV and placed a bag inside before climbing into the passenger seat.
“How was your week?” he asked.
“It was okay. Yours?”
“Good.”
“What beach are we going to?” I asked. “I’ve been out all day, I’ll need to stop at my place first to grab my swimsuit and a towel.”
“That’s fine. We can decide when we get there.”
The Prince and I chatted the entire drive but neither of us mentioned what had happened the week before.
Once to my place, I offered him a Perrier, and we stepped out onto my patio for a cigarette.
“If you wanted to, instead of the beach, we can take a boat out onto the lake here. There’s also a lagoon we can swim in, then we don’t have to fight the crowds.”
“We can rent a boat?” he asked.
“Well, just a paddle boat. I have a pass for it, we can walk over there.”
“That sounds nice, let’s do it.”
“Just give me a few minutes to get ready.” I went into my closet, and pulled out a sexy bikini I recently purchased in anticipation of spending pool time with my new man. I threw a little blue jumper over it and slipped into a pair of flip flops. Within minutes we were walking to the lake.
We talked along the way about our past, and some of our goals for our futures. Once to the lake we were given a small, green paddle boat. The Prince held my hand and helped me inside, then he climbed in next to me.
He was very tall, and his legs were much too long to operate the vessel. We both laughed as he tried to squeeze his feet onto the paddles. He had to mutate into a contortionist to operate it, but once he did we took off with warp speed.
We paddled ourselves under a bridge and once we hit the middle of the lake we lit cigarettes. The Prince leaned into me, looked deep into my eyes and then he finally said it.
“Would you like to talk about what happened last weekend?”
Gulp!
That mother fucker! He got me out on a boat, took me halfway across a lake, and then decided to throw the bullshit at me! It had been a trap.
“No!” I was scared shitless. There was no where for me to run. “Do you want me to jump? I will! I’ll jump for it,” I threatened.
We both laughed.
“When there is a problem, we need to discuss it. You don’t run from it.”
He was right.
I looked down into the water, it was deep. I had no other choice but to start talking, “Honestly, I don’t know what happened. I guess I was just bummed we weren’t hanging out. I had been looking forward to seeing you all day. I should have been more empathetic to your friends situation. I was being selfish, and I’m sorry.”
“Were you really that upset, when you cried? Did you mean it?” he asked.
“Yes! I don’t cry often. I never cry in front of people. I don’t know what came over me. I’m embarrassed,” I admitted.
“A friend of mine at work was telling me a story about his wife a few weeks ago. He told me that whenever they got into a fight, she would cry to manipulate him. He said she did it all the time. I thought that was what you were doing to me.”
“Oh, wow. No, not at all. I won’t do that again. I think we both need to work on our communication skills. I promise to try harder next time.”
“I didn’t leave right away. I waited there in your apartment for a long time.” He was still staring into me.
“I know,” I whispered.
“Okay. Would you like to start over? We can start from today, pretend last week never happened?”
“That would be great. Thank you,” I said. My cheeks were flushed from blushing.
After our talk, we paddled our boat back to the doc to swim in the lagoon. We placed our bags on a beach chair, and I pulled down my romper exposing my bikini for the first time.
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“Wait! I’ll need a minute.” The Prince said, as I was walking to the water.
“What’s the matter?” I asked.
“I have to hide something!”
I looked over to see the Prince holding a T-shirt over his crotch. My body had just given his giant sword a wakeup call.
I giggled.
Once he had calmed himself down, we edged over to the lagoon and found a place near a small waterfall to sit down. He couldn’t keep his hands off me and I loved every second of it. We didn’t remain there long, The Prince’s sexual appetite was out of control. “Let’s go back to your place, there are too many children here!”
Within minutes we were back at my apartment, our clothes were off and remained that way the duration of the weekend.
It was perfect. Definitely one of the best times of my life.
That my friends is one of the reasons I waited out those six months for him when he was in jail.
(BTW it’s been over a year, and the friends still live here.)
**Tu as mis le feu à mon cœur.**
If you like what you just read, you are going to love my books! Buy them, and forget to leave a review. 
August 13, 2020
Helpless Solicitor
It was sometime, early last winter, that I was lying on my bed with a vape pen in my mouth when I received a call from my Prince. As had been our usual routine, The Prince would collect call me after I got in from work, and the jail allowed him some free time.
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“Hey, Babe!” he greeted me.
“Hey, sexy! What are you wearing?”
“These fabulous jail issue clothes, you know, from the top designers.”
“I bet you still look hot in them though. I’m imaging your junk and giant ass squeezed into those filthy tidy-whities,” I teased.
“You know they had to give me size 3X.”
“Oh, I know how big it is, Babe.”
“No, it’s for my butt. It’s so big I don’t fit into another size,” he admitted.
“Is not just your butt, it’s your huge dick.”
“Yeah?” he asked.
“Oh my God, it’s so big. It’s like a farm animal’s! I want to touch it so bad.”
“Stop! You are making him hard right now. He’s poking out of my pants,” he whispered, “Please, change the subject.”
I giggled. “How’s your mom?”
“That’s better…”
The Prince was silent, so I figured I better take it up a notch. “See anyone get raped today?”
“There we go. Asterisk, I want to thank you for paying my credit cards.”
“It’s no biggie. I came into a little money for Christmas so I wanted to share it with you.”
“It’s a lot, really. When I get out, I’ll pay you back, for the phone calls too.”
“Don’t worry about it right now, okay. Consider it a gift,” I said, “We can tally up the calls when you get out.”
“No! I will not take money from you. I will pay you back.”
“Okay, if you want to, that’s fine.”
“Asterisk, you are amazing. You really are. I have never known anyone like you. You deserve so much, so many good things will come to you. If you ever need me for anything, I will always be there for you. Even if we break up, you can always call me and I will take care of it for you. You have my word.”
The Prince had told me that exact thing many times.
One afternoon, a little over a month after he had gotten out of jail, he made a rash decision to leave my apartment and move into a hotel. Still we continued communicating.
I was working from home online and sitting at my desk, just getting ready to take my lunch when I received a text message from my pal Bubble.
“Asterisk, you won’t believe this, I have to tell you something. Are you sitting down?”
I laughed at the message and logged out for lunch. There was nothing Bubble could tell me that I would need to sit down for.
“Yeah, sure what’s up?” I asked, as I made my way into the kitchen to heat some soup.
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“I’m sending you something.” A second later, a screen shot appeared. It was of a text conversation between Bubble and Sal (the guy who was pretending to be her boyfriend).
Sal: Hey Bubble, I have a weird question to ask you.
Bubble: Ok…
Sal: Do you have any naked pictures of Asterisk you can send me real quick?
Bubble: Uhh, why do you want to see naked pictures of my friend?
Sal: I’m scamming some old dude online and I need a hot blonde.
Bubble: No, I don’t have any nudes of Asterisk, and I don’t think she’d like that.
Sal: It’s not a big deal. Never mind. I’ll ask someone else.
My entire body started trembling. I knew Sal from a work associate, and up until this point, I had thought he was a nice guy. Bubble was right, I should have been sitting down. I was shocked, mortified and betrayed.
Instead of replying to Bubble, I forwarded the screen shot to The Prince.
“Oh my God! Can you believe this? What do I do? Should I call the police?” I messaged along with it.
The Prince replied, “I don’t know what you should do. They’re your friends.”
“I’m having an anxiety attack right now. Can you please talk to him? He respects you, he’ll listen.”
“Why would I want to talk to your friends? I told you, you should make better choices,” he responded.
“Are you serious right now? He’s trying to use nude photos of me to solict men for money! Please help me, I’m freaking out!”
“That’s not my problem. You made bad choices with friends, now you see what happens.”
“I get it, you were right, I was wrong. You told me he was bad, I didn’t listen. I learned my lesson, now I need your help. I’m having a panic attack.”
“I don’t know why you text me about it,” he said.
“Please just talk to him, tell him you know what he did and that it’s not cool.”
“I will not talk to Sal.” The Prince couldn’t have cared less.
“You promised me when you were in jail, that you would do anything for me, even if we broke up. Now I’m calling in that favor, I need you!”
“You made your own friends. It’s not my problem.”
Tears were streaming down my face. “I NEED YOUR HELP! YOU ARE ACTING LIKE A COWARD!”
“Now you call me names? I’m working. Don’t text me anymore.”
I don’t know why The Prince’s response was so shocking to me. I should have known by then what a hypocrite he was, but alas, it was the final test. After that day, I never expected anything from him again.
So, I put on my “big girl” pants and texted our mutual associate. I sent her the screen shot and told her to warn Sal that I needed an apology asap or I’d be posting that shit all over social media.
Thirty seconds later, I received an apology along with a pathetic paragraph of excuses. I never spoke to Sal again.
I Shouldn’t have spoken to the Prince again either, but that’s another story!
Double douche.
If you like what you’ve just read, you are going to LOVE my BOOKS! Quick, get them now and cure your quarentine boredom!
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August 12, 2020
Respected Penny Whore
I spent my teenage years in a little shit town, known as Henderson, Nevada. It was located on the outskirts of the all fabulous Las Vegas!
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Henderson was anything but fabulous and it’s in that little hell hole that this story begins.
I was 14 years old and still a Virgin. Now to you, that may not seem like a big deal, but by then the majority of my friends had been having sex a long time, a lot of them even had babies.
I woke up that fall morning, brushed my teeth and put on my makeup. We didn’t have Youtube tutorials back then, so the only thing I knew about makeup I had figured out myself.
I took some black liquid liner and coated my eyelids, finishing the look with some gobs of cheap Maybelline mascara I had stolen from my mom’s makeup bag. After opening up a tube of brown lipstick, I smeared it all over my lips. I threw on some ripped jeans, over a pair of fishnet stockings, and laced up my Doc Martin’s. Over my head went a baby-T, and on top of that, one of my dad’s old flannel jackets.
Looking like a depressed panda bear who hadn’t escaped the zoo without a fight, I headed out of my house and down a cracked alleyway. I should have been walking to school that day, but after having missed so much due to my parents constant moving around, and my mothers repeated, “kicking me outs,” I was so far behind on my studies, I didn’t see much point.
Instead, I headed towards the local park to meet up with the rest of the town’s juvenile delinquents. I was hoping to score a 40 ounce beer, a pack of smokes and maybe a joint.
Just a few blocks from my home I ran into Jerry. “Hey, Asterisk!” he called out. I crossed the street, and made my way towards my friend.
Well, Jerry wasn’t a friend per say, he was more of an acquaintance. My best friend Butterfly had be screwing him (along with half the town) for a while. He was a greasy kid, who’s parents probably didn’t love him much either.
I noticed Jerry had a cigarette in one of his hands. What luck? “Can I bum one of those?” I asked.
“I only have three left.”
“Please?” I continued, “I was thinking about heading to 7/11 to beg for some beer money. Come with me, we can get cigarettes too.”
I watched as Jerry looked into his almost empty pack. He glanced back to me, then he reached in and handed me one. I pulled a lighter out of my jacket pocket and lit it.
“I’ve got some change at home,” he said. “Probably at least five dollars worth. Let’s go to my place to grab it.”
“Cool!” I said, as I followed him down a side street. We walked for about half a block together. “Have you seen Butterfly lately?” I asked.
“Nope.”
“I think she ran away again. I haven’t heard from her in at least a week. Last time she took off, her mom posted flyers all around the neighborhood.”
“Yeah, I saw those,” he said. “This is my house.”
I followed Jerry to his front door. The outside of the house was in shambles, chipped paint, rotting wood and dead grass lined his stoop. I was hoping the inside might have been a little better. It wasn’t.
Jerry took a seat on his ripped sofa. “Sit down, for a minute, relax.”
I sat down on a cushion a few feet from his. “Where are your parents?” I asked, concerned about being caught ditching school.
“Dad’s at work. Mom doesn’t live here. Come closer, come over here, I want to show you something.”
Beginning to feel a bit uncomfortable, I stood up. “I thought you said you had some money here.”
“Has anyone told you how hot you are? You really turn me on. Look.”
Jerry had unzipped his pants and was holding his erection in his hands. I’d never seen a penis before. I was both terrified and disgusted at the same time. I needed a way out. I started waking towards the front door, but Jerry blocked me.
“I thought you were seeing Butterfly? I don’t think she would like it if she knew that we were together. I should really get going,” I was trying my best to talk myself out of the situation.
“Hang on a second. We don’t have to have sex, I just want you to suck on it for a minute. Come on, it’s easy, it won’t take long, and then we’ll go get some beer.”
“No, I’d rather not. I’m just gonna leave. I mean, I wouldn’t want to hurt Butterfly’s feelings.”
There was no way I was going to be able to negotiate my way out of this one. Jerry grabbed me by my hair and pulled my face to his crotch.
Trust me, I’d give you the details, I really would, if I could remember them, but it seems that I’ve blocked the rest out.
There was one part that really stuck with me though. After it was done and my face was covered in semon, tears and smeared eyeliner, Jerry walked over to his change jar and emptied it.
“Here,” he said, handing me a handful of what was mostly pennies and nickels. “There should be a few dollars in there.”
I wanted to throw it in his face and beat the shit out of him, but all I could do was put it in my pocket. Jerry opened his front door, pushed me out and locked it.
I never told anyone this story before because until recently, I was just too ashamed to talk about it. I thought what happened, made me a whore. I see now it was all Jerry’s fault.
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Since I’ve just given you a bum out session, I’m going cheer you up by telling you about one of the sweetest moments of my life. See, I’m nice!
The Prince had just gotten out of the big house and was finally staying at my place. I had waited six long months for him to get out, and finally I was living my dream.
Listen, I’m not an idiot. I knew he was fucked up from the very beginning. I was almost certain that immigration would have gotten him the second he was released. I was still in shock he actually came to stay with me to begin with and maybe that’s why these moments feel so important.
The Prince had grabbed me by the hand and escorted me to the giant bed I purchased in hopes I’d be sharing it with him someday. He pulled off my clothes and gave me that predatory stare he’s known for. Once his clothes were also removed, and we were both on my bed together, I began kissing his neck. I kissed his shoulders and his chest, I kissed his stomach and then I went down to kiss his dick.
But before I could get my mouth around his astounding manhood, he stopped me. Uncertain of what the predicament was, and not wanting to spoil the mood, I moved onto something else and we partook in some of the most incredible sex I’ve ever had.
I’m not giving you the details of that day either! Although I haven’t blocked these ones out, they are sacred to me. Remember? I love him ♡♡♡
Once it was all over, we both reached for our vapes and had our nicotine fix. While I was lying there in his arms he said something fucking magical to me.
“Asterisk, I want to tell you something. You know why I stopped you, why I wouldn’t let you… When you went down…?”
“I know what you mean,” I said. After all I didn’t want to force my Princey Poo to say something he wasn’t comfortable with.
“Listen Asterisk, it’s not that I don’t like that. I do, it’s just that I respect you! I respect you too much to allow you to do that to me. Do you understand?”
Right there folks! You are starting to see it now, aren’t you? That’s another reason why I love him. My sweet Prince Charming just put a hypothetical bandaid on a repressed childhood trauma.
Plus, it was probably the only time in my life a man has actually respected me.
Mettez-moi en colère, j’écris une histoire. Brise mon coeur, j’écris un livre.
If you like what you just read, you are going to LOVE the shit out of my BOOKS! Go buy em! They’re cheap, like me!
August 8, 2020
The Clap
Getting over someone like The Prince is not an easy task. After all, he had me pretty much obsessed with him. Well, if I’m being honest, I was a little more than obsessed. If he wanted to beat the shit out of me, I would have stood there and took it, told him it was my fault, and then covered it up with my magic makeup skills!
Seriously you guys, I worked for 2 weeks with that black eye and not one person noticed.
[image error]Can you see it? Well, maybe. Barely.
Anyway, I knew it would take much more than the average idiot most people would pick up drunk at a bar. My rebound needed to be an upgrade.
So, the first time The Prince dumped me, I did what any aging, weepy, nut job would do. That’s right!
I went onto Facebook and scoured through my friend’s, friends lists and friend requested the youngest and hottest guys I could find.
After a few hours I found my new man! That’s right, he was the perfect fit.
Rebound Guy (or RG for short) was a year younger than The Prince and he had a better car. He was the same religion, and he had a full head of gorgeous, silky hair! He spoke more languages than The Prince, Plus he had a better degree!
He was perfect.
(I’m a fucking psycho, I know)
After sending him a friend request, guess what? He messaged me first. That’s right! I had caught his eye.
I didn’t know this was gonna be so easy!
The first night, RG and I chatted for hours. Both of us had been partaking in some spirits, and were excited to get to know one another. The conversation flowed beautifully.
It was nice chatting with a hot guy who didn’t have an annoying accent.
RG laughed at all my jokes and he didn’t care that I was a decade older than him. He looked up my books and blog, and then complimented me on my writing! That was something The Prince had never done.
The Prince used to tell me that my writing was stupid, and I was being shameful by posing for pictures with books on my boobs, and that I should have more respect for myself.
Douche.
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Anyway back to RG, after complimenting my writing, he even invited me out the next weekend for drinks.
We met at a local brewery and we both liked each other in person too. However RG made one fatal move that night.
He made me buy my own drinks.
That’s a deal breaker folks! After years of supporting men, I decided I had to set some ground rules, and treating a lady on a first date is one of them. Maybe you think I’m “old school” for doing that. I don’t blame you, maybe I am. I’ll be hitting 40 soon, you know?
(but if anyone asks I’m 29)
Despite the fun conversation and chemistry, I decided that maybe a rebound wasn’t what I needed after all. Even though RG was indeed an upgrade, he still wasn’t “The Prince.” I still wanted my Prince Charming, so I went back for another round.
Throughout the entirety of my relationship with The Prince, RG and I remained buddies. He’d send me memes when he was bored, drunk and lonely, and we’d partake in the occasional intoxicated call.
Things between us remained strictly platonic.
After The Prince discarded me back in April, you know, right in the midst of the the Covid 19 lockdown, RG left the state to pursue a new job.
By now you are wondering why I keep babbling on comparing the two like an idiot, I know that. But I promise you, I have a plot twist coming very soon!
So anyway… If you’d just be patient…
After my Princy-Poo left me, I went into a pretty deep depression, I couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep, couldn’t write, but the worst part was… I couldn’t orgasm either.
Seriously, I went close to half a year without having a big-O.
This is where the real story begins:
It was past midnight last weekend when I received a call from RG.
“Hey Asterisk, what are you doing?”
“Drinking!” I replied.
“Hey, me too. Guess what? I was fired from my job.”
“I’m so sorry RG, you texted me that the other day. I meant to call you back, I’ve been swamped on social media and have had to wake up early for work. How are you handling it?”
Even though I felt bad for RG, I was secretly hoping that this minor hitch might bring him back to my neck of the woods. Like the rest of you, I’ve been bored to tears in quarentine and could use another drinking buddy.
“Well this is the thing, this is why I couldn’t text you all of it!” he slurred, “I found another job first, a higher paying job!”
“That’s great! Tell me more,” I said.
“Okay so, I was offered this better job right, and then I told my old boss I had to put in my two weeks notice. An hour later I got an email from him telling me that they don’t need me, and not to bother coming back at all.”
I started laughing like I had just been medicated for a dental procedure. “So basically you got a better job, and then you were let off the hook of the old one you hated? That’s great! That’s not getting fired!”
“Well, so I called the new job to let them know I could start sooner, but they can’t start me until next week. So I’m out of work for five days.”
“What the hell is wrong with you?” I asked, “You got a new job, you don’t have to work your last two weeks at the old job you hated, AND you get a five day vacation in between, which you can now afford to take, BECAUSE YOU ARE MAKING MORE MONEY!”
RG pondered my words for a moment. “Yeah! I guess that’s true!”
“That’s awesome. Congrats! So where is your new job? Back in Cali?”
“No, it’s out here but much closer to where I live.”
Well there went all my future fun.
“We need to celebrate with a drink. When will you be in town next?” I asked.
“I’m not sure, flights are really cheap right now. You should come out here.”
“Yeah, I wish,” I said. “I’ve been stuck alone with kids since this whole Covid shit happened.”
“I’ve just been drinking alone and having sex with myself.”
“I’m jealous. I haven’t had an orgasm in months,” I admitted.
“What? Why? I take care of myself at least daily.”
“I used to do that! I guess I’ve just been, really depressed. I don’t know, so much going on in the world, and my kids are here.”
“That’s crazy, I can’t belive that,” he said. “Don’t they go to bed at night?”
“Yeah, they’re in bed now.”
And it was at that very moment, right there, I had my epiphany!
“Hey, RG, you want to video chat right now, like, naked?”
“Yeah.”
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“I’m calling you. Give me two minutes!” I ran to my bedroom, locked the door, and tore off my clothes. I set my phone camera up on my half broken tripod and I called my rebound guy.
This shit was about to go down! That’s right, after five long months, this old hag was gonna have an orgasm. And who better to share that with, virtually or not, than a man who is the perfect upgrade from The Prince?
I felt like I was getting a new car!
Alright, so it didn’t turn out to be the best virtual sex ever. I mean, we were both sloppily drunk for one.
For two, I was still feeling a bit shy, though I still let him watch me touch my parts! He showed me his parts too. Then again, we all know what too much whiskey does to a dick.
Halfway through it, my phone started a software upgrade and shut itself down.
God damn it!
Despite all of our setbacks, I was determined to keep our fun time going, so I plugged my computer in and propped it up on some pillows before calling him again.
Soon we were right back to it, or at least I was with a somewhat captivated audience!
“Can you see my pussy?” I asked, “Do you like my fat tits?”
“Your tits are fucking huge and amazing.”
“You are so hot! I like your hair!”
The next thing I knew, I accidently kicked the cord from the computer and it became unplugged, dying from a dead battery.
Whatever! I couldn’t deal with calling him back, I needed this orgasm to happen now, with or without someone watching.
I rolled off my bed, reached for the bag hidden inside my closet, and pulled out the biggest dildo I could find.
I plunged that fucker into my cow cave and rode it like a bull the first day of a rodeo!
I was thankful that the camera was off, because I’d be ashamed for anyone to know how much I got into myself that night.
And that folks, was just the beginning! Uh huh, I’ve touched myself everyday since.
I can now happily say that Rebound Guy fixed whatever it was that The Prince had broken. Well, Sexually at least.
So please, everyone, give RG a round of applause. He deserves it! And to RG, I’m glad our friendship didn’t get awkward after too. 
