Wendi Bear's Blog
April 24, 2021
Movie Starve
Though I was excited to reply, I was also flying down the freeway, and figured I had better wait until I was l at a stop light to do so.
I was feeling pretty beat up, having just worked my second shift at my job, after spending an entire year working online. Like the rest of the world, I was now used to sitting on my fat ass eating grilled cheeses and drinking Trulys all day in my pajamas. The salad I had for lunch earlier hadn’t been nearly enough. Although one would beg to differ, after hearing the audio clip I accidently sent to my man, after dropping my phone on my lap while eating it. He forwarded it to all his friends… Chomp! Chomp! Chomp!
Very embarrassing.
There’s even pepper in my teeth! Anyway, back to my story.
Although Chuckie and I had known each other for many years, we had just started dating about six months prior. As you all may remember, I had a hard time picking myself back up after my breakup with The Prince, during the height of the pandemic.
At first Chuckie had been a breath of fresh air, well more like the air wafting from an overflowing neighborhood garbage bin in mid July, but still, different none the less. And after half a year of celibacy, mounting this doll-sized man was just what my poon-tang needed. I’ll have to tell you more about that later. Tonight’s story is about our breakup!
When I arrived to the red light at the end of the freeway, I returned Chuckie’s text, “I’ll be home soon, I can come by in a bit if you want me to.” I noticed my phone’s battery was only at 8%, and the cable that was supposed to be charging it didn’t seem to be working. I finished my drive home. I wanted nothing more than to make a gooey sandwich fried in butter, but I was willing to wait to eat, if it meant the possibility of a good romp and some takeout food.
I walked in the front door of my apartment, took off my work uniform, and looked longingly to my bed. It was very inviting. Just then, another text came in from Chuckie, “Do you have red food coloring?”
“I don’t know, I might.” I replied, heading to my kitchen cabinet to take a peek. “Can we pick up some vapes tonight?” I asked.
“We’ll have to go tomorrow. I’m shooting some clips for the movie with Sterling,” he said.
Instantly I was annoyed. Now don’t get me wrong. I didn’t have any issues with Chuckie’s friends or his pastimes. I mean, you don’t even know how many hours I’ve waisted writing these stupid stories that nobody reads. I’m not a hypocrite! What I did have a problem with, was how he chose to delegate his time.
The last way I wanted to spend my evening was laying in his dog hair ridden bed alone, while he was playing “actor” with his buddies on the patio all night. Plus, I had just bought some rose gold hair coloring I was anxious to apply.
After locating a bottle of red die, I sent another text, “Do you still need the food coloring?” I waited about five minutes, but there wasn’t a reply, so I sent another. “Do you still want me to come by?” I was reluctant to hop in the shower and pack an overnight bag without a confirmation. Instead, I opted to repaint a couple of my nails why I awaited his response. When I finished, I took at look at my phone to see a text still hadn’t come in, so I sent one more. “Hey! I asked you some questions…”
“Come whenever, filming,” Chuckie finally responded.
“I’m hungry. When do you think you will be done?”
“Just come over.”
I let out a sigh and texted back, “I don’t want to sit around while you guys film, my darling. If you think you will be done soon I will, but otherwise I’m just going to eat here.”
I waited a few more minutes, but he didn’t respond. I had to make a decision, “Fine. I’ll shower and come by.” I was getting hangry! I grabbed my overnight bag and filled it, then found a pair of clean pajamas to put on after I bathed. I looked to the mirror in horror. My face was greasy, my eyeliner had smudged under my eyes, and my lipstick had been smeared from wearing a mask all day. I was going to have to fix my face too, great.
When I was all through, I looked to my phone to find a notification of a new text.
“Whatever,” it read.
I rolled my eyes as I messaged back, “You better feed me.” Reluctantly, I grabbed my things and walked out to my car. Once inside I started the engine and plugged my phone in to charge with a cable I had brought from my apartment.
“I have stuff for me to eat here, and I wont have any money in my bank account until tomorrow.” Chuckie responded.
My frustration was growing, as I noticed both his irritating text, and my phone unable to accept the charge at the same time. “Then I shall feed you, I’m not ordering for just myself. I’ll buy.”
“It’s okay honey, I’m fine.”
I debated going back inside to make a sandwich, but it was already starting to get late. I just wanted to get over there. Fifteen minutes later, I arrived to my destination. Chuckie was outside playing “movie maker” with Sterling and their mutual friend, Dweller. I approached them with my phone in hand. “Hey I need go in and use your charger because…” but before I could finish, someone hushed me and Chuckie mouthed, “I love you.” I shook my head, as I made my way inside. Once I entered Chuckie’s room, I sat my things down at the usual spot, picked a caseless pillow up from off the floor, and plugged my phone into his charger. It was working, but slowly. I laid on the bed watching my phone screen charge. I was overcome with exhaustion and beginning to feel how sore my body was. Once my battery had hit 15%, I went onto Amazon to look for car chargers.
Almost a half hour had passed by the time Chuckie made his way in to greet me. “Hi honey,” he said, “Oh my back hurts so much. I don’t know what I did to it,” he continued, while pushing his back my direction. Now usually I would take this gesture as a cue to give him a massage, but quite frankly by that point I was over it. I needed food and rest.
“I have some cream you can put on it,” Sterling shouted from the living room. “You do?” Chuckie, asked, hopping up and skipping out of the bedroom. I continued my charger search. A few minutes later he returned. “Thanks dude!” He shouted to his friend, once again he took a seat next to me. “What are you doing?” he asked.
“My phone isn’t charging. I don’t know if it’s the phone, car, or the cable, but I brought a different cord to the car and it wasn’t working either. I charged my phone at home before I left, but it doesn’t seem to be holding the charge for long. I just finished paying that damn thing off this month too!”
“Sounds like you need a new phone.”
“I’ve only had this phone 2 years! It’s in perfect condition otherwise. Those damn manufacturer’s do this on purpose! It’s like they set it up so you have to buy a new one just as you pay off the old. It’s a fucking scam.” I said.
“What kind of phone do you have?” Chuckie asked me, “Is it an iPhone?”
“No, it’s…”
“A Samsung? Samsung’s don’t do that! They are quality phones,” he scolded. “If it was an iPhone, then I’d say ‘yeah.’ Their batteries are meant to die out. It must be your car charger. You need to get a fast charging plug for your car.”
“I’m looking at them now. What did you want to do about food? I’m super hungry. You don’t want anything? I’m happy to buy.”
“I’m going to see if I can get Sterling to buy. He owes me for doing this movie, anyway.”
“Okay. How long are you filming for tonight? I tried asking you over text.”
“I don’t know. We still have a few more scenes to shoot.”
“Okay, because I was planning on doing my hair tonight,” I said.
“Then just go home! GO HOME!” Chuckie shouted.
Before I could respond, both Sterling and Dweller were in the bedroom with us. Dweller handed Chuckie an expensive imported beer and opened another for himself. I eyed them enviously.
“Asterisk wants to get food,” Chuckie said to Sterling.
“We can get food,” Sterling responded. “What do you want?”
“Asterisk, what do you want?” Chuckie asked me.
“I don’t really care. I’m fine with whatever.”
“Well, you know there are only two places I want,” Sterling said, “The burger place or Kabob Corner. We don’t have to order delivery, I can pick it up.”
“We had Kabob Corner two days in a row,” I said, looking over to Chuckie for support, “They had a ‘buy one, get one free’ deal, so I ate it for two days and sent some over here too.”
“They have a special?” Sterling asked?
“Asterisk doesn’t eat red meat,” Chuckie informed Sterling, “Burgers are out… it has to be a place that serves chicken or fish. Asterisk, pick somewhere.”
“Okay, there is the Hawaiian place, but I don’t think Dweller was a fan. Hey Dweller,” I said, “What was that really good kabob place you ordered from on New Year’s day?” Dweller looked like a dear caught in headlights. I could tell he was uncomfortable being included in the conversation. Sterling gave me a hard glare, as if to say my mere presence was intruding on his plans for the evening. “Sterling it was so good, the meat fell apart in our mouths. But I am fine with Kabob Corner again, I’ll just order something different this time.”
“You just said you were sick of it, Asterisk,” Sterling reminded me.
“Yes, but that’s because I had two chicken platters. I can get hummus or something else instead.” Secretly my mouth was watering for a side of their fries.
The room grew silent and Dweller slipped out of the door seemingly unnoticed.
“Did you get a charger, Asterisk?” Chuckie asked me.
“Yes.”
“It has to be fast-charging.”
“I know, I got the one you recommend.”
“Well, I’m going to go shoot the scene then,” Sterling said, his patience growing thin.
“Wait man, what about food?” Chuckie asked.
“I was going to get food, but you two started in on another conversation,” Sterling replied.
“If it’s an issue, I can just order on my own. I didn’t realize you would be shooting all night, or I wouldn’t have come by,” I said.
“Yes, Asterisk, order on your own. I think that’s best,” Sterling said.
Chuckie seemed almost scared of his friend, as he turned to face him, “Asterisk was texting me while we were shooting, I didn’t read what she said. I just replied, ‘Whatever.’ You know what, this is my fault, this is my fault dude! You told me ‘No phones!” I should have put it away.”
My eyebrows scrunched up, and my jaw hit my tits, “What the hell Chuckie?” I asked. “You told me at least twice to come by!” I pulled out my phone and began reading his texts to Sterling.
Chuckie didn’t like my honesty one bit, “Sterling, go shoot your scene. I don’t need you involved Asterisk’s and my conversation!”
“You involved me, dude!” Sterling yelled to Chuckie.
“Go downstairs, shoot the next scene with Dweller, I’ll be down in a minute.”
I sat there processing what had just occurred. Once I had regained my composure, I started gathering my things, “I’m just going to go home.”
“That’s fine, go! Do what you always do. Leave,” Chuckie shouted.
“Okay,” I shrugged, then I reached in to give him a hug goodbye, but before I could, he threw his arms up and stormed away from me. When I was halfway out the door he shouted, “Should I walk you out?”
“No it’s cool. I’m fine.”
I opened my car and started to crawl inside when I heard Sterling call out in a sarcastic tone, “What’s up Asterisk, you going?”
“Yup. Have a good night.” I pulled out of the driveway as fast as I could, tears already streaming down my cheeks and cried the duration of the drive home. Once inside my apartment I crawled into bed and pulled the covers over me. I was now too upset to even consider food. All I could think about was how the person I thought loved me, literally set me up to look crazy in front of his friends.
A little while later a text came in from Chuckie. It was just one word, “Sorry.” I started to reply but then stopped. I didn’t really have anything to say, so I just said, “I’m out of words.”
A second later he responded, “Okay. Well I had a terrible day.”
“I really don’t care, I will never let anyone treat me like that again.”
“Okay. What does that even mean? Are you breaking up with me?” he asked.
“I’m way too old to be telling a man how to treat me.”
“Same here if you really think about it. Sounds good. Good luck out there.”
“It can’t get much worse,” I said.
“Cool, have a good life. I have too much going on to deal with you anyway,” he said.
“Looks like you have plenty of time to read my texts now.”
“Well, we only shot one more scene. It’s too cold out and I don’t want to get sick.”
“You can stop texting me now.” I replied.
“Sounds good.”
Could have been worse, I guess. I mean at least he didn’t hit me.
This was Chuckie’s ex girlfriend’s shirt. He gave it to me. If you enjoyed what you just read, you are going to LOVE MY BOOKS! Check em out!
November 14, 2020
What’s the worst insult you’ve ever given? (Video)
Don’t forget to check out my books!!
November 7, 2020
October 25, 2020
Dead Romance
I grabbed a pillow and threw it over my head. Bubble had spent the night and we stayed up much too late drinking beer and dancing to Taylor Swift.
“I feel like shit. You go without me.” I was annoyed that I had let her stay over to begin with. There was no way in hell I wanted to spend another day with her.
“You can’t stay home Asterisk. You promised you would go to my friend’s bridal shower. She needs people there and I promised her you were coming.”
“Mmmmmm… I’m tired, what time is it?” I moaned.
“It’s already 10:30. Come on! It’ll be fun. There will be free wine and food. I’ll pay for the Lyft.”
Damn, did that bitch know how to manipulate me or what? “But The Prince is going to call…”
“Asterisk, you talk to him everyday! He’ll call you back tonight. Besides, this is a ‘Romance Party,’ you can buy something sexy to wear for him. Get up!”
I pulled the pillow off of my face, just in time to see my fluffy friend skip her way into my bathroom. Even though she was in her mid 30’s, I’m pretty sure she had stopped developing mentally around the age of 12. The Prince used say she looked like a guinea pig, I wouldn’t say he was too far off.
I heard a flush and then the door open. “Get into the shower. Our ride will be here in 30 minutes.”
“Fine!” I rolled out of bed and waddled my way into the kitchen for a beer. I was going to need a little “hair of the dog” to get through this day. I popped it open, took a swig, and then made my way into the bathroom. A waft of foul smelling air hit my nostrils upon entry, and I started to gag.
“Jesus, Bubble!” I scolded, you could have turned on the fan.
“Sorry!”
I flipped the switch and took a peek into the toilet to see remnants of Bubbles bowel movement still left behind. I gave it another flush and shut the lid.
After stripping off my pajamas, I turned on the water and stepped inside the tub, placing my beer next to my conditioner.
The shower lasted only a minute longer than my beverage. Once I was clean, I put on my makeup, curled my hair, and pulled on a pair of red pleather pants and a sweater. By the time I was dressed, Bubble was already outside waiting in our ride.
We arrived to the party about 15 minutes later and were greeted by the ‘bride to be.’
“Hi Penny!” Bubble said to her, “This is my friend, Asterisk.” Introducing me to a tall, brunette woman who looked close to my age.
“Nice to meet you, there’s wine and snacks in the kitchen, help yourself,” Penny offered.
I scanned the apartment to see eight other ladies seated in a circle in the living room, each already with their own glass of wine. To my amazement, it was a fairly mixed race crowd. I felt a little relief by the confirmation that I hadn’t walked into a typical whitewashed, “Orange County Housewife” type of event.
“Welcome!” A voice chimed in from behind us. “I’m your party hostess, Belle.”
I turned around to see a pudgy, middle aged woman, dressed up like a pinup girl. “We’ve already gotten started. Would you like to donate to the raffle? Each ticket is only $5, you can have as many as you like. I’ll announce the winner at the end.” Belle lifted up a tiny vibrating egg. “The winner gets this ‘bad boy’ as a prize! It has five speeds and is extremely quiet.”
I internally rolled my eyes. If I was getting a sex toy today, it certainly wasn’t going to be that measly thing. I like my toys like I like my men, huge.
But still, I couldn’t morally partake in the free spirits without making some type of contribution. “Sure, I’ll take one.”
“I’ll take three!” Bubble burst out, trying to show me up. Whatever, I didn’t care. It was her friend after all, and besides, I already had my mind set on getting to the liquor.
Once we had drinks of our own, we took our places in the circle to watch the sales pitch.
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“Okay,” Belle began, “We will start our first game! I call this one, ‘A.B.-C-exy.’ We are going around the room, starting with the letter ‘A,’ each person will say a sexy word that starts with their letter. Whoever gets the most laughs at the end, wins! I’ll start with the bride, Penny, your letter is ‘A,’ GO!
“Asshole!” she screamed. The room exploded in laughter.
Belle pointed to the next guest, “B!”
“Butt sex!”
“C!”
“Coochie!”
“D!”
“Dick!”
Oh! That was going to be easy… Once we made it around the room, Belle kept the game going, determined to get through the entire alphabet.
Once I had reached my second turn, we were on the letter “M.”
“Masterbation!” I yelled.
Belle pointed to Bubble, “N!”
“Nigger!”
Bubble cupped her hand over her mouth as the room grew silent. I almost dropped my wine. Everyone’s eyes left Bubble and were redirected towards the only African American woman in the group. Luckily for Bubble, the woman had more class than my friend, and chose to ignore the racial slur.
Belle just shook her head, and did her best not to skip a beat in her sales pitch, “Remember it has to be ‘sexy,’ not just profanity. Try again.”
Bubble re-took her turn, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry…”Nnnnnnn…”
“Nighty,” I helped her out.
Jesus Christ, if the day was going to continue like this, I was definitely going to need more hooch.
When the game finally ended, everyone voted to let ‘the bride to be’ win, obviously.
There were a few more games after that, but the prizes were nothing more than samples of cheap lubricant. After Bubble’s outburst, and not seeing any real point in winning, my compedativeness had gone down the toilet. Kinda like how I wished Bubbles turd would have that morning.
Finally Belle brought out the lingerie. “I’ll give 10% off your purchase, for anyone willing to model one of these for us.”
“I’ll do it!” I said. I figured I might as well make the day worthwhile and come home with something I could wear for The Prince after he was released from Jail.
I grabbed a sheer blue, lacy thing that looked like it was made to fit a cat. “Do you have this in a medium?” I asked.
“No, these are the only ones I have. That style has been discontinued, so I can’t order it for you either, unfortunately.”
“Try it on anyway!” Bubble said. “It’ll fit.”
Even though I was worried that I might rip it out, I took it to the bathroom, stripped off my clothes, and squeezed it over myself. Luckily it was stretchy.
“Come on out!” I heard Belle yell from the other room. “You have to model it, to get the discount.”
I stepped out of the bathroom virtually naked. Whatever, I didn’t care. The wine had worked its magic and I wasn’t feeling too insecure.
“Holy shit!” Penny said.
“You look fucking hot!” another woman chimed in.
“I’d totally fuck you in that, dude,” Bubble added.
“It’s kind of tight,” I complained.
“Trust me, you won’t be wearing it long!” Belle said.
I looked down to the price tag, $89. Yup, for a piece of fabric barely wide enough to be considered a belt. Whatever, it did look petty good on me and The Prince was worth it. Plus I’d be getting the 10% discount. I was tipsy enough to make the purchase.
I had just finished changing back into my own clothes when I heard my phone ring. It was The Prince. I couldn’t miss it.
“Penny,” I said, “I have a private call I need to take, do you have a room I could use for a few minutes?”
“Sure! First door on the right is the guest room.”
I headed down the hall as I heard Bubble announce proudly, to the party full of strangers, “It’s her boyfriend calling from Jail!”
I entered the room, shut the door and listened to the automated message. Two minutes later we were connected.
“Hey sexy!” I greeted him.
“Asterisk, something happened last night.”
“Oh my God, are you okay?” I asked.
“A man died.”
I thought my heart would explode. “What do you mean?”
“When we went to bed, he was fine. When we got up for count, he was dead.”
“Oh shit! Are you okay?” I asked again.
“I’ve been in a holding cell all day. They took me in for questioning last night because I was his bunk mate. They thought I killed him.”
I was certain I would have a cardiac arrest right there. The Prince only had 6 weeks left of his sentence to complete and I had been helplessly reminding him everyday to stay out of trouble.
“Why do they think that? What happened? What did you tell them?”
“He had horrible bruising on his stomach. I told the investigator maybe he got it from climbing up to the top bunk.” The Princed took a breath, “Asterisk, I didn’t touch him.”
“I believe you. I’m so sorry. You don’t need this right now, you are so close to getting out.”
“He had come in for a DUI. He was in a car accident. I told the investigator that too.”
“Well, that would make sense. Did he receive medical care before going to jail?”
“I don’t know.”
“Well what’s going to happen to you?”
“I don’t know. I was there for twelve hours. I don’t think they would have released me back into general population if they were going to charge me. I’m so scared.”
Hearing The Prince confess a fear was something I never thought would happen. I ached for him at that moment more than I had for anyone in my life. Even though he was the one behind bars, I had emotionally imprisoned myself there with him. It was a spiritual connection. One that I still struggle to break.
“I’m not home right now, but I’ll talk for as long as I can.”
“Where are you?” he asked.
“I went with Bubble to her friend’s bridal shower. I’ll tell you about it later. I’ll be heading home within the hour, you can call then.”
“I don’t know when they will let me use the phone again. I don’t know what’s going to happen to me now.”
“Listen, I’m here with you. You will be okay. If you really didn’t do anything, they’ll know, plus they let you out of isolation. If he was in a car accident and they didn’t treat him, they will probably be trying to hide his death anyway. I’ll look it up online tonight and see if I can find anything on the news about it.” I said.
“I can’t stay here forever! I’ll go crazy. “
Even though I had a hard time believing it myself, I did my best to assure him. “You won’t, you are going to be out soon. Just try to stay positive. You are in the worst place imaginable, and that is the worst possible thing that could have happened. But you are strong, you’ll get through this. Last night was the worst of it, you endured that already. Everything will be okay.”
“It’s hard, you don’t know what I’m going through.”
“I know I’m not physically in there with you, but believe me, I feel everything just the same,” I said.
“He was fine last night. He was a cool guy, we talked a lot. We had many things in common. I can’t believe he died.”
“I wish I could hold you right now, I’d put your head on my chest, and I’d stroke your hair.”
“I wish you were with me too.”
The bedroom door cracked open and Belle peeked her head inside, “Sorry to interrupt, but I need to wrap things up. I was hoping to use this room, I prefer to take the sales privately.”
“Yes, just a second,” I told her.
“Do you have to go?” The Prince asked.
“They need the room I’m in, but I can go outside.”
“It’s okay. I’ll try to call you tonight if I can,” he said.
“Are you sure? You’re my priority. I will talk to you as long as you need me.”
“I think it’s about time for count, so they’ll probably make us hang up anyway.”
“I’m so sorry you are going through this. Remember that I’m there with you.” I said.
“Goodbye.”
“Bye,” I whispered.
J’ai rêvé de toi hier soir.
(To read more about The Prince and Bubble, just follow the links on their names!)
If you enjoyed what you just read, you are going to LOVE MY BOOKS! Check em out!
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October 1, 2020
The Breaded Applicant
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That evening The Prince came through the door and as had become routine I greeted him with a cold beer. “Here you go babe, how was work?”
“It was fine,” he said.
“I did a grocery run today. I spent around $300.”
“Did you get everything we need? I have a friend who’s a butcher and another is a baker. I can bring home meats and beads, just tell me what you want.”
My eyes lit up, “Meat for sure! The stores are only letting you buy two at a time. Get any meat you can. I only eat chicken and fish, but if things get really bad, I’ll eat whatever we can get.”
Like the rest of the world had been at the time, I was trying to stock up on necessities. Though I certainly wasn’t one of those toilet paper assholes!
“Okay, I’ll call my friends and see if I can pick it up after work tomorrow,” he said.
“You are awesome! Thank you. I also stopped at Target today. I bought you a couple pair of work pants.”
“Why would you do that?” his tone suddenly shifted.
“Because you said you needed them, and I was already there so…”
“I told you not to spend money on me! “
“I know, but you also said you needed them.”
“Asterisk, you have to learn to listen to me! If I tell you not buy me anything, don’t buy me anything!” The Prince shook his head, “I’m going to sit outside for a while. I need to be alone.”
The Prince took his phone and beer, then headed out to sit on my patio for an hour. I gave him the space he needed and worked on the dinner I had been preparing. Once it was set to a simmer, I poured myself a glass of wine and sat on the couch.
Eventually Princy Poo made his way back inside, and took a seat on the small sofa across from me, yet he didn’t say a word.
“Are you hungry?” I finally asked him.
“I’ll eat later. I’m not in a good mood.”
“Is there anything I can do?”
“No!”
The Prince remained grim most of the evening. He didn’t say much to me, but what he did wasn’t pleasant. I could tell he wanted to leave, but just didn’t have a better place to go.
“Do you mind if I turn on the TV?” I asked.
“I don’t care. Do what you want.”
In an attempt to lighten things up a bit, I snatched the remote, and turned on The Simpsons. I knew it was one of his favorite shows, because I’d sent him about six of their comic books after he requested them in jail. My little trick worked, and after a while The Prince started laughing at the characters. Soon, he was back to his cordial, drunken self.
We went to bed that night at our regular time. Once we were under the covers, I rolled towards him and began running my nails down his back.
“Don’t fucking touch me!” he spat out, sounding like someone who had just been robbed.
His sudden return to “the dark side,” caught me off guard. I flung to the opposite side of my king-sized bed and rested my body against the cold wall.
My startled response must have awakened The Prince’s sadism, because faster, and more magnetic than a lightening bolt, he grabbed me by the waist and pulled me back towards him. Once I was facing his way, he pushed his enormous erection onto my leg and grabbed me by the throat. He opened his mouth and pressed his lips firmly around mine, his mouth remained open, but he didn’t kiss me. As he rolled on top of me, he parted my legs and forced himself inside. His domination turned me on and I was immediately wet. He began thrusting himself inside of me, as his lips remained planted firmly around my own. There was nothing romantic about it. Actually, it felt like at that moment he was holding himself back from literally eating off my face. Within minutes, we had both orgasmed. The Prince rolled me to the side of the bed, and then excused himself to shower. While he was away, I fell asleep. When I awoke the following morning, he had already gone to work.
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That next day The Prince arrived home with four giant bags of groceries.
“Wow, what’s that?” I asked as he made his way through the front door.
“I went to visit my friend, the baker. I told her to give me the best breads.”
“Holy shit! What are we going to do with all that?” I asked as I started emptying the bags. I removed the loaves one by one. There were French, sourdough, organic wheat, and some kinds I’d never even heard of. My small counter was covered just from one bag alone. I looked over to the remaining three wondering where I would put them.
“I have to go back to my car, there are more.”
I watched in horror as he left the apartment to retrieve the rest of his supply. It already was more than I could store, and I noticed the majority of it was organic. It wouldn’t last long on my counter, so I opened up the freezer and shoved in as many loaves as I could fit.
Soon he was back with two more bags. Noting my expression he said, “Take some to your family and give some to your friends.”
“Alright.” I picked up my phone and sent a text to my friend Bubble, asking if she could use some.
“There is still more in my trunk. I’m going to give them to my boss.”
“Okay.” I was careful not to say too much about it. After the night before, I wasn’t looking to set him off.
“Asterisk, I’m going to put in an apartment application today. It’s not because of you. I already told you, I want to be with you, I just need a place to put my things that I can call ‘my own,’ do you understand?”
“I know, I get it.” Even though that had been the plan all along, it still saddened me that he was in a hurry to leave.
The Prince noted my expression. “I told you my staying here was only temporary. If I get a place I will still spend all my time with you. I’ll be here every night just the same.”
“I understand.” Changing the subject I added, “I just texted Bubble, she’s going to swing by real fast to pick up some bread.”
“That’s fine, give some to Bubble, there’s plenty.” The Prince sat down at my kitchen table and started working on an apartment application as I prepared a bag of baked goods for my friend. Once Bubble had messaged she was on her way, I took the contents over to Princy Poo for his approval. I opened up the bag to show him what was inside.
“Are these okay to give her?”
The Prince looked up at me with a glare so cold it felt like I was being shot with bullets. “I don’t care what you give Bubble.”
“Okay.” An incoming text message chimed from my phone at the same time. My friend had just arrived, I took the loaves downstairs.
After a quick chat with Bubble, I returned to the Apartment. The Prince was standing in the dining room with his arms crossed over his chest. I ignored his intimidating posture. “Bubble said, ‘thank you’ for the bread.”
“Asterisk, what did I tell you?”
“About what?” I asked.
“You think this is a game?”
“What are you taking about?” I giggled, I had no clue as why he was upset.
“Oh, you think you are funny?”
“No. What did I do?” I asked.
“You know what you did! I told you I needed to fill out an application. You came over to interrupt me, and you ask me a dumb question about your friend! I told you you could give her the bread, so why did you ask me again?”
“Ohhhh… I interrupted you… When you said you needed to ‘fill it out,’ what you meant by that was: ‘don’t bother me for a few minutes.’ No problem, I didn’t realize. Next time just say that. Tell me to leave you alone for a bit and I will, I get it.”
“No! You aren’t stupid, you knew exactly what you were doing!”
I laughed, “Honestly, I didn’t. I just wanted to make sure I didn’t give Bubble anything you really liked.”
“You laugh at me? You think this is a joke?” he asked.
“This relationship is still new and we come from different cultures. I’m still learning. But I’m going to need you to be more direct with me next time. Tell me bluntly what you need, I’m not good with ‘hints.'” I explained.
“You think you can manipulate me? You don’t listen to what I tell you. You think that by cooking, and buying me pants that you can trick me into staying with you. I’m not stupid. I know what you are doing. I know how women are!”
I started laughing harder. I couldn’t help it, it was a mix of both the ridiculousness of the conversation and stress on my nerves. Sure I wanted him to stay, but by no means would I ever try to force someone to be with me.
The Prince didn’t see it that way at all. Had he of been a locomotive, steam would have been projecting out of his nose.
He strudded over to the dining room table, grabbed his wallet, keys, and apartment application and stormed out of the front door.
Several hours later, I was surprised by his return. He wandered in like nothing had happened. I was in the kitchen, putting away the last of the dinner.
“Is there any beer?” he asked.
“Yeah, in the fridge. I’ll get you one.”
“I can get my own.”
“Okay.”
Princy Poo grabbed his beverage and went into the living room, taking his regular place on the couch. After I finished in the kitchen, I joined him with a refreshment of my own.
“I turned in the application,” he said.
“That’s great! How did it go?”
“He told me I could have the apartment.”
“Cool,” I said, with forced enthusiasm.
“He’s an asshole!” The Prince said.
“I’m sorry.”
“I told him that I would not take it!'”
“You did?” I asked, “Why?”
“He wanted me to pay three times the amount of the deposit. He told me he saw that I had an eviction and bad credit so he wanted me to pay three times more than other people pay!”
“Yeah, that’s usually what they do. That’s to be expected. But he’s giving you a chance, so that’s great.”
“No! I don’t want ‘his chance!’ He thinks he’s better than me. I told him that he disrespected me and I wouldn’t take anything from him.”
“Well, fuck him then!” I shouted.
“That’s what I told him!”
“Listen, it just wasn’t the right place for you. Don’t worry, when things don’t work out there is usually a reason, it just means there is something better out there for you.” I said. “You’ll find something great! I’m sure of it.”
“You think so?”
“Absolutely! You’ll get the perfect apartment at the right time. I know you hate living here because it isn’t yours, but you are welcome to stay as long as you need. You are safe, you aren’t in jail,” I looked to his hand, “And there’s cold beer…”
The Prince let out a little laugh. “True.”
“Can I get you another?” I asked.
“Please.”
L’écriture est douloureuse, mais le rire guérit.
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September 21, 2020
September 13, 2020
Depressed Panther
Anyway, I arrived that night to my final class ready to sit through another boring two hour lecture, and to say goodbye to my fellow offenders.
I walked inside, signed my name on the attendance sheet and took my regular chair in the far back corner. I scanned the room, there was no sign of The Prince.
We had recently become friends outside of class. Though it was my final night, Princy Poo still had another year to go. The night before he had told me over text message he’d be there. So it was concerning that he hadn’t shown up.
Halfway through class, the door opened and The Prince was escorted in by the receptionist. “He’s been approved to stay,” she told the instructor.
The Prince’s face was flushed, his eyes reflected fear, and his forehead was covered in sweat. He took a seat across from me and shot me a shy smile.
After class had ended, I walked with him back to the parking lot.
“Wow, I thought you weren’t going to make it,” I said. “What happened?”
“They almost dropped me, I owed $400,” he admitted.
“Oh, wow! You got lucky.”
“I had to borrow it from a friend. They told me I could pay next week, but then I would have missed this week’s class.”
“Well, as long as you didn’t get dropped, it wouldn’t have mattered,” I said.
“There was no way I was going to miss your last class. I called three people to find the money. It was humiliating, but I wanted to see you.”
Now I know the reality of it was, that The Prince just didn’t want to go to jail, but in the beginning of our relationship, he had a way of making me believe he was doing big things just for me. I’d always been a sucker when it came to men and romantic gestures, and I wanted to believe him.
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Not long after that, we had begun sleeping together. My kids were gone for a week and The Prince was staying the entire duration of it with me. Despite our hectic work schedules, it was still one of the best weeks of my life to date.
We would meet at my place after work and I’d make dinner. We’d go for walks, to the gym, to the pools and watch TV. The night would always end with incredible sex. I’ve always been a simple gal, it doesn’t take much to keep me happy.
On our third evening together we hit up one of the hot tubs in my apartment complex. Lucky for us it was empty. I pulled off my dress, revealing a bikini I had on underneath and slipped into the water. The Prince came in behind me with a giant erection consuming his trunks. His sex drive was the stuff romance novels were written about. Being a woman in my late 30’s, my sexual appetite definitely matched his.
“Oh my God, Asterisk. I want you so bad.”
I lit up a cigarette, and leaned on the side of the tub, pushing my large chest out of the water, exposing almost everything but my nipples. I gave him a flirtatious grin and giggled.
“You make my dick so hard.”
“Good,” I said. “I have plans for it later.”
“I can’t stand it. I need to calm down.”
“Why?” I asked, moving towards him.
“Stop! There are cameras,” he pointed out.
“Let’s give them a show.”
I knew The Prince considered it.
We didn’t stay in there long. Within minutes we were back to my place, naked and wet, destroying my sheets.
When it was over, Princy Poo sat on the side of my bed and lit a cigarette. “Asterisk,” he said, “How many men have you slept with?”
Yup!
There it was. The dreaded question every girl fears being asked. It was clear that The Prince had never read any of my writing. I decided to play this one off smoothly. I diverted it.
“How many people have you slept with?” I asked him.
“Five.”
“Me too!”
Then he started counting the exs I had told him about. Your ex husband, Franklin’s dad… luckily for me the numbers matched.
Once he had been satisfied with my made up number, he told me a story.
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“I went out with my friend once, to buy a prostitute.”
HOLY SHIT!
Now listen up men, I’m sure you’ve all done the same thing, but please take note: Never, tell the woman you are dating about it. For the love of God, we don’t want to know. EVER!
“She was so beautiful, I paid for her and went back to her room. But I couldn’t do it, I couldn’t get hard. I was ashamed, I told her, ‘You are very beautiful but I’m sorry, I just can’t.'”
I still haven’t figured out why The Prince wanted to tell me something like that. Maybe to prove that he was a “good guy,” I don’t know. It was weird and I didn’t sleep much while processing it that night.
By Thursday of that week, things were still going well. Once again we came home from work and I made dinner. Afterwards we had an incredible romp.
“Babe, you are so good at this,” I told him. Your dick is so huge, like a stallion. Seriously, it’s the biggest thing I’ve ever encountered.”
“Shh, stop.”
“I’m serious, it’s enormous,” I continued.
“Okay. Stop. Stop. Stop.”
“It’s fucking magical!”
The Prince’s body stiffened and his eyes darkened. “Asterisk, I said stop.”
I sat quietly a moment, his sudden change of tone was unexpected.
“Wait, I’m confused. Are you being serious right now?” I asked.
“Yes. Please, I’ll sleep now.”
The Prince rolled over to his side, facing away from me. He never said another word that night.
I lied awake for hours that night, trying to figure out what I had done to cause his sudden shift in mood.
The next day, he had gone to work before I was up. I arrived home an hour before him. Soon after that, I received a text message.
“Did you start dinner yet?” it read.
“No. Not yet. I was thinking of making shrimp.”
“Please, don’t start it yet.”
“Okay.”
I didn’t know why he didn’t want me to make it, I was hoping he was going to surprise me with a night out. But I had a gut feeling it was something else.
A little while later, The Prince walked through my front door. “Please, come outside and smoke a cigarette with me.”
I followed His Majesty out to my back patio, and lit up.
“Asterisk, I think I will just stay at my place tonight. I’m not feeling well, I’m depressed. I may call you later to come by if I feel up to it.”
“Okay. I’m sorry. Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?”
“No, when I’m depressed, I just want to be alone.”
After our cigarettes, I watched as The Prince packed his belongings, and left. His abrup change of mood put me into a depression of my own. I paced my apartment most of the night waiting for him to call. Everything had been going so well. I couldn’t understand what had occurred to change it.
I gave up on him and cried myself to sleep early that evening. The next day, I woke up to find I had missed his messages.
“Good morning,” I texted him. “Sorry, I missed you last night, I went to bed early.”
“Are you mad?” he asked.
“No, why?”
“I was going to tell you last night that you could come over,” he replied.
“I didn’t think you would message, so I just went to sleep. I can come by tonight,” I offered.
“I don’t know. I have to wait and see how I feel.”
I checked in on The Prince through out the day. He didn’t seem to be emotionally recovering.
“I don’t want you to be around me when I’m not happy. You won’t have fun,” he texted.
“I just like being around you. You don’t have to entertain me.”
“Okay, then you may come by.”
I made a big pot of rice and shrimp, packed an overnight bag and went over to visit my melancholy man. Once I had arrived, he opened the door to let me in. Though the sun was still out, his apartment was dark. His curtains were drawn and it felt like stepping into a cave. I put the food in the kitchen, and sat on the couch next to him. He didn’t say a word to me, and remained fixated on his phone.
After a few minutes, I pulled out my own and did the same thing. An hour went by and still he hasn’t said much.
“I’m going to get some dinner. Are you hungry, can I make you a plate?” I asked.
“Nothing for me.”
After I finished eating, I went into the bathroom and changed into some lingerie. The Prince didn’t seem to notice. I hopped onto the bed across from him and glanced his way while again scrolling through my phone. He glanced over to me and we made eye contact for the first time that evening.
His eyes were hollow like a black hole. After only a second, he looked back to his phone. I rolled over onto my tummy and closed my eyes.
I didn’t even hear him approach me. With the precision of a panther snatching his unsuspecting prey, The Prince snuck up behind me and inserted one of his fingers into my pussy. I let out a deep moan and he inserted another.
Now hold up a minute! I don’t want to you confuse you and let you think the Prince actually knew what he was doing, he didn’t! It was more painful than anything but I was just happy to have his attention so I went along with it. And, I must admit, the situation was pretty damn hot!
The Prince played with me like a new toy meant to be broken for a good ten minutes before taking off his pants and penetrating me.
When it was all over, he was in a much better mood.
“What did you bring for dinner?” he asked.
“Shrimp and rice curry.”
“You made me shrimp?” he asked, sounding like a small child.
I felt content to have done something that made him happy.
The contentment didn’t last long however, because the day after that, he ghosted me. But alas my friends, that’s another story.
Lorsque vous vous touchez, vous pensez toujours à moi.
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September 10, 2020
Electric Teddy
I’ve been kind of in a funk this past week, I started my period and that always throws me off. But more than that, the collective energy of the world has been weighing on me.
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Now don’t get me wrong. I hated the way the world was, it wasn’t working before. I was tired and drained all the time, the thought of a different society gives me hope… Well, you know if they don’t kill most of us off with a “vaccine” first.
Tonight had I contemplated drinking a little bit more of dead grandpy’s whiskey. I’ve been dabbling in the spirits lately, a little more than I outta.
Instead I turned on the news to see if I could catch a story about some of the wild fires. That was a laugh, nothing but politics and Covid 19.
Then I glanced at my phone, and found a new video from Sam Vaknin. What luck? His latest lecture was exactly what I needed to hear (I’ll leave the video link at the bottom of this post).
After spending an hour working through my inner demons, I headed for for a run. Nothing clears my head like a good workout. Unfortunately, the fires had left the air quality horrendous, and had me coughing worse than a senior citizen with underlying medical conditions after catching Covid.
Still, during the run, my brain wandered and I was able to fit some pieces together from the lecture and come up with the inspiration for a story tonight.
Listen, I’m desperate to expel the rest of my memories of The Prince so I can release the new book, and move on to the next chapter of my life. And trust me, I can tell that you boys are ready for me to be out on the market again… and girls, we’ll see! 
September 8, 2020
Money Panes
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Once I had been checked in, I walked the long path through a courtyard to the visiting area. It was a located inside a large metal room filled with small dividers. Inside each divider was a bullet proof pane of glass and an old school phone. On the top of the glass, each booth had been assigned a number. I giggled to myself as I searched for mine.
Once there, I took a seat on a cold metal stool and waited. I watched as people before me talked to their loved ones and left. I grew irritated as I observed people who had come in after me finishing their visits and leaving as well.
We weren’t allowed cell phones inside so I couldn’t check the time, but I was certain I had been waiting in the booth well over an hour. I was exhausted from working all day, and I needed to get home to my kids, but still I waited.
I leaned back and closed my eyes. Another thirty minutes had passed, and I was almost ready to give up when he finally came through the door.
He smiled when he saw me, then pointed to the number and laughed. We both picked up our phones at the same time.
“Look! We got 69!” he said.
“Yeah, I know!”
The Prince looked deep into my eyes, giving me a devilish smile and then licked his lips, before reaching down to “adjust himself.”
I returned his gaze just as intensely, and noticed his cheeks turning red.
“Stop! I can’t even look at you! Oh my God. You are so beautiful.”
“Yeah? You think so?” I asked. “Your ass is looking really hot in your jail issue pants. Even through that ugly shit, I can still see it’s marvelous silhouette.”
“Seriously, you are going to get me in trouble. Let’s talk about something else, anything? How was your day?”
“Aww, are you sure, cause I had a dream about you last night…”
“Asterisk, stop! You are going to make me cum in my pants!” He began scanning the room.
“Okay. I’m sorry. Nothing exciting, just work. I have court in three days for my DUI.”
“You will be fine. You already finished your classes,” he said.
“I know but it’s still stressful.” Immediately I regretted bringing it up.
“You think I don’t know it’s stressful? Look at me! Look where I am.”
“I know I’m sorry. You only have five weeks left, and they always release early. Have you heard anything more about that?”
“No, nothing. Did you look it up for me?” he asked.
“Yes, I’ve been searching online everyday. I can’t find the article. I can’t find any recent articles at all about early releases.”
“That man must have been lying. I should make him pay,” he said.
“Is not worth it. You know that.”
Suddenly The Prince was silent and his gaze was empty. Though he was facing my direction, he was looking right through me.
“Hey, look at me,” I said “I’m right here.” I tried to get him to snap out of it. I needed to change the subject, and fast. “I’ve been researching immigration attorneys…”
That was the wrong fucking place to go.
“What? Why the fuck would you talk to me about that?”
“I’m sorry, I was trying to help.”
“No, no, no. You know I am stuck here, I can do nothing, and you bring that shit up. Fuck it!”
Before I could blink, The Prince had dropped the phone and stormed out of the visiting area.
That wasn’t the first time he had walked out on me, so it wasn’t a huge surprise. I put the phone on my end back onto it’s receiver and headed to the cashier. Even though I was pissed off, I still stood in line for an additional twenty minutes to make the $100 deposit to his books.
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After I finished, I hiked back to my car. It was long past dark when I arrived home. I showered and then waited for his nightly call.
I was starting to get fed up with his antics and was debating on whether or not I would even answer it anyways. I’ve never been the most tactful person, but my heart had been in the right place, and I was doing all I could to make The Prince’s incarceration easier on him.
I didn’t have to make the decision, because the call never come in. It didn’t the following night either. By the third night, I had given up and turned my ringer off at 8:00 pm when I went to bed, preparing to be up in eight hours for court.
My alarm went off that next morning, and I snoozed as long as I could. When I finally pulled myself out of bed, I saw that I had missed his call.
Fuck.
My stressful day still had been a little better, knowing that he was at least thinking of me. However, having been in court most of that day, I forgot to turn my ringer back on.
I waited all evening, hoping he would try again. It was starting to get late, so I gave up and decided to take a shower. After blow drying my hair, I picked up my phone to check my messages.
Two missed calls.
Crap.
I turned my ringer on, and waited the rest of the night for him to call back, but he never did.
I watched my phone like a hawk for a week, but nothing came in. I still owed The Prince $500 from the money his friend had transferred, and I knew he was expecting me to make a deposit.
The money I had spent on phone calls, had caught up to me. By that point, I had already wasted close to $2000 talking to him, I was way over budget and I didn’t have the money to place anyway. I certainly wasn’t going to waste my time on a visit he would probably decline. I thought about writing him a letter to explain, but at that point I was honestly fed up with his bullshit.
I was starting to realize he was just using me, and if he was so stubborn that he had the strength to ignore me while he was in jail, there was no way he would stick around once he got out.
The more time that passed without hearing from him, the more confident I was on my decision to end things. Although I missed the nightly socializing, I was feeling better not having to endure his emotional torment on a regular basis.
Two weeks had come and gone since my last contact with him. I finally received some money in my bank account, and even though I didn’t want to, I decided to go down to the jail and place some cash on his books.
An hour after I got home that night, the phone rang.
I stared at it intensely, debating on what I should do, then in a moment of weakness, I answered.
“Hello?”
“Hello,” he replied.
Neither of us spoke. I looked up to the clock on my bedroom wall and started to count the seconds. Neither of us knew where to start the conversation. I finally did.
“I put money on your books today, did you get it?”
“No. I’ve told you, it takes three days to process.”
“Oh, well I thought maybe that’s why you were calling,” I admitted.
“I had to ask my boss to bring me money. He put some on Friday.”
“I’m sorry. I would have put it on sooner, but I just didn’t have it… I didn’t get paid on time and I needed yours for rent.”
“You used my money?” he asked.
“I had to, I was short because of the calls and…” he cut me off.
“I told you, don’t tell me how much you spend on calls. That’s why I’m not calling anymore. It’s too much money. I tried the day before you went to court to wish you luck, you didn’t answer.”
“I turned my ringer off at 8:00 pm that night. You usually call at 6:00 pm.”
“I called you the next night too!” he said.
“Yes, but I still had my ringer off from court and you called at 8:00 again. You usually call at 6:00.”
“I called you twice! Both times.”
“Right, but you called me twice in a row. If you would have called again the second night, even twenty minutes later, I would have gotten it,” I said.
“No, no you were ignoring me.”
“I wasn’t ignoring you, I mean, I thought about it but, I wasn’t,” I said honestly. “How are you holding up? Are you okay?”
“I’m the same. No news.”
The conversation died again. I tried to pick it back up.
“Court went well, but I have to go back next month, I still have community service hours to finish.”
“You’ll get them done. Will you come visit me tomorrow? I have to go, it’s time for count.”
“You want me to come visit?” I asked.
“You can come at 5:00 pm.”
… and just like that, I was sucked right back in.
Vous avez perdu le meilleur.
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Confession Spasms
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“Will you put money on my books tomorrow?” he asked.
“Yes, I already said I would.”
“I need $100,” he reminded me.
“Okay.”
Now, even though I was paying for most of the phone calls, The Prince was still covering the majority of his expenses in jail. He had me meet with his boss to pick up the remainder of his last paycheck, and he even had a friend wire me some money from his home country.
He needed about $100 a week to live off of in jail. That’s a lot of noodles, right?
“Asterisk, I have to tell you something, I need to be honest with you.”
Now, as I’ve said before, I wasn’t blind. I knew what The Prince was using the money for. Despite the obvious, I could also spot the personality shift when he was high.
“Okay,” I replied.
“It’s hard to deal with being in jail, and being sober, so sometimes I take things, to make it better.”
“I know,” I said.
“I mean I take pills,” he continued.
“I know, I figured as much. Watch what you say, we are being recorded,” I warned.
“Sometimes, when I don’t have money, I take out a debt. I have to keep taking these drugs, I can’t stop, otherwise I’ll get sick,” he let out a sinister chuckle. “If I don’t repay the debt, they will ‘take me to the wall.'”
“Okay… Remember, recording…” I said again.
“Asterisk, let me talk! Do you know what that means? If I don’t pay my debt, they will jump me. They will take me to the wall, when the guards are not watching, and take turns punching me. I don’t know what could happen.”
“I understand. I will put the money on tomorrow,” I promised.
“You are not angry?” he asked.
“No. If I were in your situation, I’d probably need a buffer too. Besides, I know how much noodles cost, I already figured you were. Just please, whatever you do, be careful.”
“I am careful.”
“The last thing you need, is more time added to your sentence for something stupid!”
“Asterisk, I know what I am doing,” he assured me.
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After six months of being on opiates, Princy Poo had a lot of coming down to do when he was released from Jail.
I’d given him a bottle of melatonin and half my xanax prescription to help with the withdrawals. Yet, a few weeks later, when he came to stay with me, he was still suffering from body spams at night.
“When I was staying with my parents at the hotel, my mom would yell at me to ‘stop being so angry!’ when I tried to sleep. I can’t help what my body is doing,” he complained. “It pissed me off, but I couldn’t tell her the truth either.”
So at night, when his body would jerk and thrust, I learned quickly to have him turn onto his stomach, and would run my nails softly down his back, until he’d fall asleep.
A few weeks had passed, and he was feeling better. Still he’d wake me up at night jerking, just so I’d rub his back. Even though it was probably a method of control, I found it endearing. After all, I loved nothing more than taking care of my man.
It didn’t take long for The Prince to lose his appreciation of me. Soon he had lost his patience too. The Prince loved nothing more than to hear himself talk, and if I tried to be an active part of any conversation, he’d accuse me off interrupting him. His politeness had gone out the window too. I wasn’t allowed to have any view points that differed from his.
We had been spending most evenings drinking together in my living room. The Prince would show me pictures of the cars he had owned in the past, or repeate the same lecture about how much he hated my friends. I did my best to tell him how great he was, and pretend to be interested in what he had to say. I didn’t really care, I just liked having him around.
“Asterisk, if you want to be great, you need to surround yourself with people who are already great. Your friends are trash. You are who your friends are. That’s how the world sees you. These people make you look bad by association,” he’d lecture.
“My friend’s actions have nothing to do with me. I’m not responsible for other people’s behaviors.”
“Shut up! Shut the fuck up and listen to me! You don’t know what you are saying. I’m trying to teach you. You can learn a lot from me if you would just listen, really you should thank me.”
One thing I did learn pretty quick was when to shut my mouth. He could psychobabble on for hours. Still it wasn’t enough for me just to listen. The Prince needed a reaction out me, he wanted me to feel his pain. One night he went on a rant I’ll never forget.
“You are great, but you could be greater. Do you know all this love I have for you in my heart? Grrr! You don’t know. It makes me so crazy, Asterisk. I love you. I fucking love you, when you listen to me. But when you make bad choices and you choose bad people as friends, it pisses me off. It makes me hate you. I’ll tell you something, my ex girlfriend, she’s not beautiful like you. No, you know what, she’s not even cute. She’s fucking ugly. But I loved her more than I’ll ever love anyone in my life. I loved her more than my mom. I’ll never love anyone that much again. She disappointed me, she betrayed me. I was with her seven years. She was like a child to me, I raised her.”
“Wow, that’s pretty fucked up,” I said.
“What, what did you say to me? Shut the fuck up, shut your mouth and learn!”
“You just told me you’ll never love me as much as your ex girlfriend. How is that supposed to make me feel?”
“It’s true! I’ll never love anyone like that again!”
The Prince paced my living room for a good hour after that, ranting and raving, and pointing out all my “supposed” flaws…
What? Come on, I’m perfect, we all know that! Please…
