Mark W. Bonnett's Blog, page 2

A tribute (and a thank you) to the late, great Harold Ramis

It's no secret that while I may have been during the tail end of the 70s, I consider myself an 80s kid, through and through. I mean I may have been born 3 years before the decade started, but I grew up in the 80s, and something like is bound to have a big effect on a growing boy. Like everyone who was a child during the greatest decade there ever was, there's one thing that influenced me more than any other, beyond Transformers, or He-Man, or Duran Duran, or Robocop, or Frankie Goes To Hollywood, or any of that stuff.

Yes, I'm talking about Ghostbusters, a movie that, in hindsight, had a spectacularly big effect on how I write, and how I even think about plot-lines. And so, it was with a heavy heart that I read the news today (courtesy of The BBC), saying that Harold Ramis has died, aged 69...
I've often said that Ghostbusters was the best movie of the 80s by a country mile, and a huge part of why it's such a classic movie (still fantastic even today, 30 years later) is the script, co-written by Ramis and Dan Aykroyd. Of course, Ramis's turn as Egon Spengler was also one of the stand-out performances of the 80s, for me, but it's that script that makes the movie so timeless. Lest we forget, though, it's not just Ghostbusters for which Harold Ramis was accoladed as a writer. There's Meatballs. There's Stripes. There's Groundhog Day (which he also directed). Oh, and let's not forget those two ever so slightly well-known films, Caddyshack and National Lampoon's Animal House.

When I look at that list, I can't help but notice that a sizeable chunk of my childhood memories are defined by his work. Harold Ramis, it turns out, was the man who made me want to have a pet gopher, while driving around in a weaponised Winnebago and wearing a toga.

With a proton pack on my back, naturally.

I'd be lying if I said that his style of writing hadn't an influence on my own, too, with his trademark combination of humour, intelligence and note perfect pacing. Consider the Twinkie scene in Ghostbusters, or the rounded, three-dimensional characters in everything he wrote; that, along with the work of Terry Pratchett, is the yardstick next to which I aspire to measure my own writing.

The simple truth of it is this: cinema and television have today lost one of their greatest voices. But let's not get bogged down in the bad feelings. Let's instead remember the legacy Ramis left behind (and it's a big legacy), and revel in the glory of that scene...



And finally, on a personal note, thank you, Harold Ramis. Thank you for giving a 6 year-old boy something to aspire to while he was growing up. Of course, that aspiration might not have panned out since it's remarkably hard to find someone who'll build me an unlicensed nuclear accelerator and go hunting ghosts with me, but the other aspiration, the one to write as well as you did, well... that's still something I can aim for!

R.I.P. Dr. Spengler. We'll miss you.

The ever-expanding and growing Cynos Union Series is available to buy now! Subscribe for more news from the world (and brain) of Mark W. Bonnett! 

Want instant fame? Create an insanely stupid conspiracy theory!

I was watching TV today, and I was quite shocked to see a new advert for Tetley Tea show up ('cos there's not been one on telly for four years). I was also quite shocked, in a really rather good way, to see that it's got aliens in it...


Now that is a cool alien design. However, after I'd boggled at how cool it was to see aliens advertising the very elixir of life (I haven't been this excited about an advert since the Smash robots), I had another thought, and it was this: "I wonder if someone has now said this advert is part of the alien conspiracy theory?"

So I had a look, and glory be, the conspiracy theorists didn't disappoint...
Y'see, apparently, this new advert is either another part of the insidious reptilian indoctrination that's going to make us all slaves of the NWO, or it's the governments of the world preparing us for when they finally disclose the fact that aliens don't just exist but are here. The details are a bit sketchy, since conspiracy theories tend to contradict each other rather a lot, but given that they're both a complete load of turgid cobblers, I'm not entirely sure it matters.

And there was me thinking Tetley just wanted to sell more tea by tapping into the ol' Doctor Who zeitgeist-y thing, and scaly skin being a damn sight easier to make look realistic than, say, feathers. Hell, the ad's creators, Creature London, may very well be aware of the whole reptilian conspiracy (hence the aliens being chameleonic), and decided to take the mickey 'cos, y'know, they are Brits.

It's kinda what we do...

We see this kind of thing all the time on places like AboveTopSecret and the David Icke forums; seriously, anything that even slightly involves aliens gets pegged as being part of the grand conspiracy theory (I've seen people say that about everything from Star Wars, to Doctor Who, to Mass Effect, and beyond), and that got me thinking.

I write books with aliens in them...

When are they going to accuse me of being a shill for the Illuminati? Where's my claims of being a disinformation agent?

More to the point, since that hasn't happened, why aren't I making my own conspiracy theory to take advantage of them, and sell more books? I mean I did already base three of the species in my books (the koetaani, sookas and vossarulls) on the three biggies in conspiracy theories (greys, reptilians and nordics), back when I was in my not-as-sceptical-as-I-should-have-been period, so surely I'm a shoe-in to have a conspiracy theory built around me, right?

So, if anyone has ideas about what kind of conspiracy theory could be built around me, leave a comment. The funnier the better.

Also, just to egg them on a bit, I do have scaly skin on my left hand, although that might just be eczema coming back. The truth is out there (or it's on my hand, at least)!

The ever-expanding and growing Cynos Union Series is available to buy now! Subscribe for more news from the world (and brain) of Mark W. Bonnett! 

I wonder how hard it would be to write a sci-fi novel for the whole family...

I'm rather proud of the Cynos Union series, but then, I suppose I should be, because it's my baby. 'Tis the first ever book series I've published, after all, and like they always say, you never forget your first. It took me a long time to be able to say it (crippling self-esteem issues are always fun), but I'm proud of what I've achieved with the Cynos Union, and pre-emptively proud of what I'll achieve with it next.

However, while the Cynos Union series is many things, what it's categorically not is "suitable for younger readers".

There's entirely too much effin' and blindin' for that (which was bound to happen since the main characters are mostly salt of the earth Yorkshire sorts), not to mention the odd evisceration, and it's for that reason that each and every Cynos Union book comes with a disclaimer in the front-matter, saying that it's for mature readers only. But what if I went for a book that didn't need that disclaimer?

Basically... writing a young adult/teen fiction novel that the whole family can enjoy: how hard can it be?
Well, other than the obvious challenge of not swearing (ask anyone who knows me IRL, as the kids today say, and they'll tell you that I swear a lot), I don't reckon that it'd be any different to writing a Cynos Union book. Y'see, I'm conscious of the way the great Terry Pratchett seems to write kids' books, and the way he does it just makes so much sense to me.

If you read the Tiffany Aching books, and compare them to the main Discworld series, you'll see that there's not actually much difference between them. So far as I can tell, his method for writing kids' books is "cut out the swearing, and don't have too many sub-plots", so as far as I can tell, the best way to write a kids' book is to not treat them like idiots. None of this "See Spot run" nonsense, or girls being princesses, getting rescued by the dashing hero. As far as I can tell, it's the same thing with J.K. Rowling, as well (even if I've never actually read any Harry Potter).

So, if I were to write a book ostensibly aimed at younger folk, that the whole family can enjoy, what might it be like?

Well, for starters, it wouldn't be a fantasy book. Pratchett and Rowling have got that area nicely sewn up, so I don't reckon there's an awful lot I could write that'd even come close to competing with the way they play around with the genre's inherent tropes. Thus, fantasy book, no, not happening.

In that case, how about a science fiction series for the whole family? After all, sci-fi comes with its own raft of tropes that are just begging to be lampooned and toyed about with. On top of that, if I were to ever do a series for younger readers, I can pretty much guarantee what the tone would be.

Think "80s Saturday morning cartoon", because one, it'll bring the gosh-gee-whizz excitement needed to keep younger readers interested, and two, it'll bring enough winking knowingness to keep people my age interested.

Also, three, I'm a child of the 80s, and they're my books...

Hmm, y'know, I reckon I might have to try my hand at this fiction for younger readers business, one day. After the rigidly plotted out Cynos Union series (events in-universe are already planned out for around the next three centuries; I like to plan ahead), I reckon it could be a whole heap o' fun to take a trip into a universe that's governed entirely by the rules of Saturday morning cartoons, which is to say, by doing whatever seems most awesome at the time.

Now that could be fun.

One day, baby, one day...

The ever-expanding and growing Cynos Union Series is available to buy now!Subscribe for more news from the world (and brain) of Mark W. Bonnett! 

Here's a thought - do compelling characters HAVE to be human?

Right then, here's an interesting thought. I was pootling about the other day, doing lots of ever so important and useful things (er, okay, I was on Facebook), and I happened to see that someone had left me a new review for The Non-Random Dog . It was a five star review, so I was pretty damn chuffed, but the really nice part was what the reviewer actually wrote about the book. Specifically, the part that made me really happy was where they said about the characters being the key thing in the book.

I was really rather happy to see that highlighted, 'cos that's kind of the point of what I'm doing. Y'see, the thing is, I loved sci-fi all my life, and while I love big technology and stars blowing up as much as the next nerd, the thing that's always hooked me in is the characters. From Deckard, to Ripley, to Optimus Prime, to Han Solo, to Lt. Cmdr. Susan Ivanova, to... well, you get the point. But here's a question for you guys and gals out there: do compelling characters absolutely have to be human?
I'm reminded, here, of the thing that usually happens whenever a new Transformers cartoon hits the airwaves: human characters are introduced, usually kids, and the fandom asks precisely why human characters are needed. It happens every single time, and the standard answer from Hasbro is always that "viewers need a human to relate to, or they won't watch". The same thing happened a bit more insidiously with the Bayformers movies, so-called because they spend less time on the robot characters, and more on the whole "U.S. Army, hell to the yeah" thing that Michael Bay has going on.

It's at that point that I have to wonder: do people actually need humans in a story in order to relate to it, or is that just another one of those not-truisms, a thing that everyone knows to be true in spite of the fact that it's not actually true?

After all, look at something like A Bug's Life, by Pixar. There's not one human in that, and yet it went on to be a rather big success. Hell, consider Transformers, come to that, where the fans get annoyed whenever human characters are added.

And so, my gut instinct says the following: no, the characters don't need to be human, as long as they're compelling and interesting. Yes, I know that the vast majority of the main characters in my books so far have been human (other than in the latest one, The Abominable Moon , where there's at least one of every species except the yowason, and the titular Curly in The Non-Random Dog, of course), but that's because I'm still in the middle of telling a very specific story, set around humanity, of which you've so far only seen the first part. My plan is to start bringing in more non-human main characters after the book I'm currently writing (since non-human characters can emphasise and reflect bits of humanity back at itself; also, for the really alien aliens, they can tell us about humanity by showing us what we're not like).

So I guess that's the question, really: what do you lovely people think? Do characters need to be human, or are non-human characters fun? And as for those non-human characters, do they need to be "human" enough to relate to, or is it more fun to learn about aspects of ourselves by looking at what real non-humanity is like?

So it's over to you! Sound off in the comments!

The ever-expanding and growing Cynos Union Series is available to buy now! Subscribe for more news from the world (and brain) of Mark W. Bonnett! 

"What? You have souls in your books? But you're an atheist! TRAITOR!"

So, I was pootling about online a few days ago, and ended up chatting to someone who'd read Messiah's Shard , the first book in the Cynos Union series. It turned out to be an interesting conversation, not least because I think said person was a bit annoyed with me. Y'see, that person was a little bit baffled why I decided to make souls a thing that explicitly exist in my story universe, when I don't even marginally believe in them in the real world. They expressed that bafflement by calling me a traitor to the cause.

Naturally, this confused me somewhat, 'cos I didn't realise I even had a cause. Well... other than spinning the odd whimsy here and there, and trying to get people to read my books, of course, but being a writer, that's kinda my job description. Oh, and the word 'apologist' might have happened, as well...
It was an odd thing to be called, especially when I'd taken great pains to fit the idea of souls into the way I actually think about the universe (evidence trumps everything, so I was determined to have souls in my books be things that can be studied, analysed and measured; plus, it allowed me to explain away things like telepathy in the koetaani, and do a nicely twisted take-down of the idea of soulmates).

Anyway, here's what I think is the root of the problem: I honestly believe that some people have trouble separating reality from fiction. Y'see, I've seen an argument used before, which states that viewing or reading fictional thingummies at a young age, things like fairy tales, and fantasy, make it harder for people to be rational in later life. As reported by The Telegraph at the time, for instance, Richard Dawkins talked about the possibility that something like Harry Potter could have a bit of a pernicious effect on the development of a rational mind, what with the kid in question being taught to believe in wizards and magic.

Whether I agree with that or not (and for the record, I don't, based purely on my gut instinct and nothing else), it's one thing to say that kids' books could have that effect, but it's quite another to suggest that a science fiction novel emphatically aimed at adults would have the same effect.

If pushed, though, I'd probably have to admit that it'd probably have a stronger effect, since kids are smarter than adults...

Anyway, yes. Fiction. Reality. Very definitely not the same thing. Stop confusing the two, please. I've no intention of starting a religion based around my own books, so calm yerself down, eh? I mean, y'know, I do kinda specify in-universe that there's no actual deity or god in the world of the Cynos.

Well, not yet, anyway...

Y'know, I often wonder why people get so stroppy about people who happen to believe something different to what they themselves believe. I mean yes, there are some things that are so completely ludicrous that it boggles my mind when people are able to say them with a straight face, but if that's their belief system, and they're not forcing it on other people, who cares?

Yes, I completely understand the need to keep woo far, far away from things like science lessons and the military, and these are things we should never, ever stop fighting to achieve, but when you get down to a personal level, who gives a chuff which version of the almighty skybeard someone believes in? We're all just people, trying to make our way in the world, and if someone else believes in something I don't, then fair enough.

Now organised religion, though, that can jog on, as can any belief system that makes it okay to gleefully murder everyone else.

But that's a story for another book, quite possibly the one I'm writing now...

The ever-expanding and growing Cynos Union Series is available to buy now! Subscribe for more news from the world (and brain) of Mark W. Bonnett!

Verisimilitude (or, Building a convincing universe on the cheap)

Verisimilitude. That's a big word, ain't it? According to The Almighty Google, the exact meaning is 'the appearance of being true or real' (as in 'Piers Morgan tries for human, but lacks verisimilitude'), and when people talk about realism in books, or movies, or whatever, what they usually mean is verisimilitude. Take Jimmy McGovern's work, for instance; people often talk about his gritty realism, where 'gritty' basically means 'all life is misery and pain', but that has verisimilitude 'cos, in many ways, life is misery and pain.

But how do you achieve that same effect in science fiction, where you may very well be writing about people who aren't human? They might even be sentient five-limbed vampire squids, and when one has no frame of reference for what a sentient five-limbed vampire squid is like in the real world (because none of them return my calls, or even send me a postcard), how does one give them 'the appearance of being true or real'? Well, this is where the 'science' and the 'fiction' get down and dirty with each other...
The first step is research, although in fairness, you're not likely to find much concrete info online about sentient five-limbed vampire squids, other than on my website. What you will find, though, is lots of nice, juicy info about how evolution works; and once you've worked out what the squids' homeworld looks like, you can start to develop what they look like, based on how they might have evolved. Wallop in a good dollop of evolutionary psychology to flesh out their personalities, and the end result may well be a sentient five-limbed vampire squid that's ridiculously hard to kill, and thus, whose evolution gave them a general thrill-seeking outlook on life and a predilection to call everyone, male or female, 'dude' (which itself comes from the fact that each yowason is hermaphroditic; they're both male and female, and there's no sexual dimorphism going on, so to them, everyone is basically the same).

Those same principles go into designing, well, everything about the Cynos Union, from planets to technologies.

Take weapons tech, for example; I wanted something a bit different to the standard fare in science fiction, all lasers and plasma bolts and suchlike. So, I sat and thought about it for a minute, and realised that I'd given myself an answer already, when I said that the majority of the Cynos Union's technological advancements came about through precise control of gravity. Cue guns that launch projectiles using micro-sized, bi-directional gravity wells. Well, except in the case of the vossarulls, of course (who all use sonic weapons), and the yowason (who have squidly limbs that can't lift a gravity-actuated rifle).

Just don't ask how they generate those micro gravity wells. Verisimilitude only goes so far, and I'm not a quantum physicist (although my hair's getting increasingly Einstein-y as I get older)...

The thing is, y'see, that a lot of people think science fiction just goes wild, and abandons all the rules, but that is, in a very definite way, not true. It's especially not true in 'hard' sci-fi by the likes of the late, great Arthur C. Clarke, but it's still not true even in 'soft' sci-fi and space opera, like what I write.

It's just that the rules might be slightly (or very, very, very) different to the real world, in science fiction, but that doesn't mean there are no rules. That is where the idea of verisimilitude comes in, because when your universe runs on different rules to the real world, that ever-so-slightly knackers the idea of realism. Get the rules right, though, and you get something even better: a fantastical universe that feels real.

But why go to the trouble of building such a real-feeling universe? Well, there's the obvious answer, in that it makes the story better, but there's a little bit more to it than that; once you've got that universe, you can then hold it up to our own, ostensibly real universe to see what it tells us about, well, us.

That, though, is a story for another day...

The ever-expanding and growing Cynos Union Series is available to buy now! Subscribe for more news from the world (and brain) of Mark W. Bonnett!

The joys of storing an entire universe in my brain...

Ye gods, it's been a busy week, and no mistake! Not only did I have to tot up all the downloads from the freebie sale (and a massive, massive thank you to everyone who took part, and supported the Cynos Union), but I've only gone and published a new book (yep, The Abominable Moon is available to buy now), I've worked with the web designer to get the official site updated, and I've had random inspiration sleeting through my brain. Oh, and the cat was wanting some fuss (on his timescale, naturally, since he's a cat).

Anyway, that bit about random inspiration got me thinking about the mechanics of writing a big ol' saga like the Cynos Union. It's a bit of an odd sensation, storing an entire universe in my brain, but I tell you what; it's kinda fun, too...
Conversations with my own frontal lobe

It still makes me chuckle that in the beginning, when I first started writing Messiah's Shard, I never had anything even vaguely like the Cynos Union planned. But then, y'see, something happened, midway through writing it: my brain, quite unbidden, went, "Hang on, why don't you use this to set the stage for a whole galactic community like in Star Trek or Babylon 5? Come on, you know you want to, you love space opera, stop being a numpty, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, DO IT!"

Yes, I know, it's amazing how in-depth the conversations with my own brain can be...

The Grand Plan

And so, The Grand Plan was born. Messiah's Shard would herald the birth (or rebirth as it turned out, once I started to work out the backstory) of the Cynos Union. The canvas I would use for future novels would be created in that first book.

Round about then, another funny thing happened, when my brain (again, unbidden), went, "Here, hang on a minute, your first book's going to be the big, epic one, won't the rest of them seem like a bit of an anticlimax? You utter pillock, you!"

Hmm, in-depth and insulting. I sometimes think my brain might need a good slap, the cheeky little smegger. Mind you, it did have a point; Messiah's Shard was inspired by things like Stargate, and when you're chucking in lost civilisations and ancient evil from beyond the universe (not to mention defining the soul, and doing a really nasty twist on the idea of soulmates; I'm quite proud of that one, by the way), then 'epic' is going to happen, whether you want it to or not.

More than a canvas

Clearly it wasn't going to be enough to just think of the Cynos Union as a canvas. No, it had to be a story, a vast story spanning multiple books, and the key to it all was this: Messiah's Shard may have been the beginning of John Harley's story, but it didn't have to be the end. The central question was this: how could the seeds I planted in that first book play out into the future saga?

Well, now, it's time to let you in a little bit on The Grand Plan, and the important point can be summed up thusly: everything you're reading now (in Messiah's Shard, The Non-Random Dog and The Abominable Moon) will play into the larger story arc. You might not have worked out the connections just yet, but the larger story arc has begun.

As of Messiah's Shard, Ragnarok is no longer a threat, but the consequences of the Abyssal War have only just begun to play out. And the stakes in this larger story? Why, it's simple: the complete eradication of all reality.

Still, no pressure, eh?

Make yourself useful, brain 

So, thank you, oh disruptive and insulting brain of mine, 'cos when you're right, you're right; doing it this way is so much more fun than writing a standalone novel or five. Of course, it does sometimes get a bit crowded in there, since I'm trying to store an entire universe in my brain (plus in Word documents and, oooooooh, many spreadsheets), but I wouldn't have it any other way.

The Cynos Union universe is ready; I reckon it's time to start royally putting it through the wringer...

The ever-expanding and growing Cynos Union Series is available to buy now! Subscribe for more news from the world (and brain) of Mark W. Bonnett!

The revenge of the not particularly heroic, nerdy wee fella

Earlier in the month, I did a post about how "strong female characters" bore the bits off me, and the same is true of "strong male characters". 'Tis a bit dull to see characters reduced to one buzzword, y'see, or at least in my opinion.

And I shall tell you what else bores me: heroes. Indomitable slabs of beef, who crush their enemies, and hear the lamentation of their women? Peerless warriors at the very peak of physical perfection? You can keep 'em!

I'll take the nerdy wee pleb over that, any day, because seriously, where's the "triumph over adversity" that we all love to see, when the hero in question is already written as being indomitably perfect (when it's a truth universally acknowledged, or at in my head at least, that perfect people are, when you get right down to it, gits)?


But then, that's the point, really. People like that are expected to be badasses. Being a badass is sort of their whole reason for existence, so it's not surprising when they actually, well, do it. I always find it far more satisfying when the average person (who usually wouldn't say boo to a goose) suddenly snaps, decides that enough is enough, and proceeds to take the bad guys to the cleaners.

It makes it that much more awesome.

All in all, that's why I love Rincewind (the "wizzard" who saves the world by, basically, running away from everything) from the Discworld novels, by the utterly peerless Terry Pratchett. It's why I love Swerve from the IDW Transformers comics, the little bot who just wants to run a bar, and who really can't shoot straight for the life of him.

That's what I was aiming for with John Harley, the main character in the first Cynos Union novel, Messiah's Shard . He'd be the first to admit that he's a pleb, that he's hopeless at driving a boat (or, as you may well find out in a future novel, piloting a shuttle), and that his fighting style is best described as "flail wildly at something till it goes away", although he does have an indomitable moral core, and the knowledge that some things are just wrong. Somehow, he has to become the one who'll save the entire universe and put those things right.

So yeah. Big, beefcake, perfect heroes? They can get stuffed. I'll take the crap one who overcomes their own essential crapness, to save the entirety of existence, thanks.

Incidentally, if you want to read about how John Harley overcomes his inherent crapness, to save the universe, then the first two Cynos Union books (Messiah's Shard and The Non-Random Dog ) are are on sale, for FREE, till the end of the year. Go and grab 'em while they won't cost you anything!

The ever-expanding and growing Cynos Union Series is available to buy now! Subscribe for more news from the world (and brain) of Mark W. Bonnett!

On Which Planet? - A Cynos Union Christmas Storytime Special

(The following transcript is taken from a data recorder found floating in deep space just outside the Holligomistel system. Due to the nature of the recording, Holligomistel is off-limits until further notice - First Admiral Baraph Trighy, Cynos Security Fleet)

'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, except for what may or may not have been some kind of a weasel thing. Might have been a mouse, I'm not honestly sure. I never was much good at species classifications, to be honest. I find it easier to classify things as "furry, has antlers", or "slimy, eats flies, not a good idea to lick it".

Trust me, I speak from personal experience on that last one.

Anyway, you're not here to talk about taxonomy, are you? You probably want to know who I am, or maybe what I am, right? I mean you did come all this way to find me, so it seems only fair I give you the old autobiography, maybe even some of the juicy bits they leave out of the official story, eh?

Just to check, though, you're not recording this, are you? I happen to like my privacy, thank you very much, and I know what you humans are like for bugging anyone even vaguely famous. I don't want the paparazzi coming round here trying to take photos of me in my smalls is what I'm saying.

So, you're definitely not recording this, right? No? Good good! Then we can begin...
* * *
The truth of the matter is that I am far, far older than you can imagine although if I'm honest, even I can't really remember how old. I can remember running through the forests of Earth back when humanity was still fixated on scrawling antelopes and fertility goddesses all over every available surface. I'm still not entirely sure why they did that, though. I mean were the big women supposed to chase after the antelope or something? Although knowing you humans, it's probably about... goings on. It usually is.

Why have you gone all red?

Anyway, where was I? Ah yes, the point is that I nudged a few antelopes their way, and all of a sudden, I was somehow worshipped as being a deliverer of glad tidings. I'm not quite sure how that happened, but humans back then were a superstitious lot, and no mistake!

Of course, the thing about being worshipped is that it tends to get one noticed by... well, I'm sure you can work who by. Big, shouty, tend to get all tetchy when they don't get their own way, and I don't need to tell you what happens when they get tetchy! Anyway, they came and found me, and they took me. Away from Earth! Away to the stars! I tell you this, though, human, I was shocked, because I knew those stars.

You see, it didn't feel like I was being taken away. No, it felt like I was being taken home. And when I saw them, I finally knew it. I finally knew it!

I was home, back with my own people!

It didn't last. According to them, I'd been "corrupted" by the primitives on Earth, or some such nonsense. They're very big on that. They have this grand plan, you see, and anyone who deviates from it is treated like... well, I won't elaborate, but believe me when I say it's not a pleasant tale. I'm sure you can find stories of it in your history books, if you know where to look.

Still, at least in my case, they only threw me in prison!

Well, I say that, but the truth is that there may have been some other things, too. My memory's a little hazy on the whole thing, really. Oh, I'm sure the memories are in there somewhere, I just don't relish the idea of going looking for them. One never knows what horrible repressed drives might come crashing out, and then I might end up like the rest of my people.

Anyway, the point is, I eventually broke out of there, like a proper lag! Snuck out while no-one was looking and had it away in one of their own shuttles! Ooh, I felt ever so naughty taking it but given the alternative... well, let's just say I didn't much like the alternative.

But where would I go? How could I get away from them? Well how about we have something to eat, and then I'll tell you the rest. Do you by any chance fancy a mince pie?

* * *
What? Oh yes, I know they're a bit meaty, but that's half the appeal. I'll have some loaded onto your ship before you leave, trust me, they're very moreish! Did you know that I invented the pie, by the way? I think I left the recipe in a really hot place down south, somewhere, and I think some. Apparently that place is all sandy, now, and the locals got all obsessed with building pointy things, too.

Anyway, where was I?

Ah yes, the shuttle...

Well, I really only had one place left to go. I may have come from out there amongst the stars, and I may have once called my captors brothers, but my real home was Earth. Ooh, it hadn't half changed by the time I came back! I keep hearing all about the ghastly business with Ragnarok, and how the first human civilisation got wiped out, but I don't really remember that. I know I was around at the time, but I tended not to pay too much attention to it. The... my former brothers took me not long after humanity had been blasted back to the stone age, but when I came back around... well, I like to think of it as year zero. The funny thing is, some other fellows think of it as year zero as well. Something about Andy's Dominoes, or suchlike.

Still, I imagine my return must have been pretty spectacular, anyway. I came in a little bit hot, you see, so I must have looked like a falling star when I re-entered Earth's atmosphere. I think I landed in what you'd call the Middle East. I can't remember the name of the town I landed near, but I kept hearing about how they had a serious overcrowding problem. Nice people, though. Big on mangers, whatever one of those is.

Well, you'll never believe what I saw next! I only saw three fellows throwing gifts at a child! They were a bit baffling as well, if I'm honest. I mean I can understand giving a kid and his family some gold, to set them up with a bit of spare change, but the other two things? Two things that can best be described as "stinky stuff" and "embalming fluid"? What's a six year-old going to do with those?

Why are you looking at me like that? No, he wasn't a newborn, he was definitely six years old.

Anyway, look, the point is that those three wise old fellows inspired me! Giving gifts begets joy, so I wondered what Earth would be like if I could give gifts to everyone on it!

Of course, I needed a good strong image if I was going to build up brand awareness, and that is where the idea for the suit came from. Do you like it? I absolutely adore the white detailing on red, it's so jolly, don't you think? Heh, it always amuses me that my old name was The Deliverer, and here I am now, delivering things! Funny how things work out, isn't it?

Anyway, yes, I do the whole of the Cynos Union, now, not just Earth. It takes a lot more planning, and of course, getting the reindeer set up to breathe in space was a nightmare, but I think it was worth it. Sure, getting round an entire galaxy in one night is a lot harder than getting round a single planet, but that comes with the territory, I suppose. Besides, it does my heart good to see all those happy faces when they get a My Tiny Donkey action figure with realistic kung fu grip, or one of those newfangled robot toys, the ones that turn into other, slightly less valuable robot toys.

Well, the nice ones, anyway. The naughty ones, however, well, these mince pies don't make themselves.

I'm kidding, blimey, keep your hair on...

So yes, my friend, that's my tale, and now, you know the truth. It never fails to amuse, actually. People always say that I live at the North Pole. And yes, I do live at the North Pole, but the thing is that none of them ever go on to say the second part of that sentence.

On which planet?

Hehehohohohoho.

Sorry, what was that? The beard? Ah, well, it's a false one. Box clever, you see. I found it in a joke shop in... well, to be honest, I forget the name of the place. It could have been Swindon. Or Beijing. Hmm, maybe Cairo? Anyway, yes, it's a false beard.

Pardon? Show you what I look like without the beard? Well, I wouldn't normally, but... oh what the heck, it is Christmas, right? Here you go...

(At this point in the recording, the speaker's voice is muffled by the sound of running feet. His voice also appears to be getting further away from the data recorder.) 

Hey, where are you going? Wait, please, was it something I said...?

(This data recorder was found floating in deep space alongside 75 individual pies which, when tested, proved to have no animal DNA or by-products in them whatsoever. Testers have stated that the pies are "a bit meaty", but that they'd "quite like another, please". There is no indication as to who is the owner of the data recorder, but under the circumstances, they probably do not want it back, anyway. Erasure of contents recommended, followed by giving it to an orphan somewhere. It is, after all, Christmas. - First Admiral Baraph Trighy, Cynos Security Fleet) 

© 2013 Mark W. Bonnett

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The ever-expanding and growing Cynos Union Series is available to buy now! Subscribe for more news from the world (and brain) of Mark W. Bonnett!

By embracing the dark side, we conquer the dark side

Ain't it always the first thing mentors and other authors say, whenever they're talking to fledgling writers? It's the same bit of advice that gets trotted out, and it goes like this: "Write what you know."

The thing is, though, that it's absolutely true. That's a large part of the reason why my first book, Messiah's Shard , starts off in a small village just up the road from Sheffield (plus, of course, I couldn't resist the idea of a big, epic science fiction novel being set just up the road from me; there's something ever so slightly awesome about that). The fictional village from which our hero hails, Brakenthorpe, is even based on a village where I spent a big chunk of time when I was a teen (school friends lived there, y'see), and another big chunk after I turned 18, although when we went on the swings after we'd ostensibly hit adulthood, we were considerably less sober.

The point is that anyone who lives in that real world village would find the fictional little hamlet of Brakenthorpe to be hauntingly familiar, because, well, write what you know. It doesn't end there, though...
The thing about me as a writer, y'see, is that I find writing to be a massively cathartic experience. In a way, it doesn't matter what ills are assailing the world, because I can deal with them by letting them inspire bits of my books. When bad things happen in the real world, it's kinda nice to have eerily similar bad things being thwarted by the good guys, in the fictional world.

The vengeance exacted for these bad things is always extraordinarily karmic, believe me...

Anyway, the thing that provoked me to write this post was something I saw while wandering aimlessly about the internet (as one does), and things might take a bit of a dark turn here; basically, I saw something on Facebook, and then had a quick exchange with someone not on Facebook, about the whole topic of capital punishment.

It's something I don't agree with, because there's always the possibility of a wrongful execution of someone innocent (far, far worse than wrongful imprisonment, because there's no coming back from it), but what really got me thinking was when the other person said to me, "Well, what would you do with evil people who are clearly guilty?"

The answer is, of course, that I'm a writer; I can think of far, far worse things to do to the "evil people", than merely executing them.

Extraordinary karmic vengeance, remember?

I've always felt that the key to what makes really powerful writing is an author who embraces their own dark side, and pours it into the work, along with their own light side.For me, at least, writing is a way to exorcise my own personal demons, or at least, smack them about with a very big stick till they stop being a pain in the bum.

Believe it or not, that was one of my goals with Messiah's Shard. I may have wanted it to play out across an epic canvas, but the core story was about loss and loneliness. About isolation and despair.

And, of course, about overcoming those things, about finding the strength to beat them.

They say that a writer should always write what he knows. I decided to try something a little different with Messiah's Shard. In amongst the ancient evil of Ragnarok, the lost Aztlani civilisation, the alien race whose sentient starship is clearly an 12,000 year old lush... in amongst all that, I wanted to write what everyone knows, the journey to self-realisation which every human undertakes.

Thus, while the tale may be writ large across the galactic canvas, the message of the story is simple: we can overcome. No matter the odds, the demons (of either the personal or the spiky, universe-hopping variety) can be beaten.

And by embracing our own dark sides, we can conquer them...

[Image: Google Maps]

The ever-expanding and growing Cynos Union Series is available to buy now! Subscribe for more news from the world (and brain) of Mark W. Bonnett!