Christopher J. Yates's Blog, page 7

New York Conversations #2

The following conversation occurred in a local grocery store.

Me: Could I get a couple of those soft rolls, please?

Server: How many’s a couple, Sir?

Me: Oh, right, yes. Two, please.

Server: Man, not you as well! I always ask my girlfriend the same question. One day I’m hoping she’s gonna say three.

New York Conversations

What follows is a very one-sided conversation I overheard between two strangers on the subway.

Woman #1: You know, the problem for me is I’m allergic to wool. Every winter I come out in a rash from all the wool I’m wearing. I shouldn’t even be wearing this coat. You know why? It’s full of down. And I’m allergic to wool, gives me hives an stuff. You ever heard of the Lotus Flower? No? Here, give that thing over here.

[At this point I turn around to look and see Woman #2 handing Woman #1 a huge s...

Reasons To Love New York

What follows is a very one-sided conversation I overheard between two strangers on the subway.

Woman #1: You know, the problem for me is I’m allergic to wool. Every winter I come out in a rash from all the wool I’m wearing. I shouldn’t even be wearing this coat. You know why? It’s full of down. And I’m allergic to wool, gives me hives an stuff. You ever heard of the Lotus Flower? No? Here, give that thing over here.

[At this point I turn around to look and see Woman #2 handing Woman #1 a huge s...

A Safe Haven For Writing

Witness my new secret weapon in the war against non-productivity.

This is a kitchen safe, designed, in the main, to help serial snackers resist cravings. (Put cookies in ‘cookie jar’ and set timer; safe now locks; no cookies for the cookie monster until the timer runs down.)

I’ve been using this to keep myself from the monstrous distraction that is the world wide web. Just before I start working in the morning, I unplug my wireless router and drop it and my phone into this cunningly designed sa...

Tooth Stranger Than Fiction

I present you with compelling proof that not everything I wrote in Black Chalk is fiction. I apologise for quoting myself, and it’s not a habit I intend to form, but here, from page 172 (hardback):

“Have you noticed how the dentist always arranges the most painful procedures to take place at two thirty? Ha, tooth hurty! Starts drilling at tooth hurty two.”

Today, I’m about to have a bridge put in my mouth. To do this, the dentist has to form two crowns either side to hold the bridge in place, w...

Who Watches The Dog Watchers?

Actual dog spy-cam footage

I turned NSA for a week to try out a spy camera that allows you to monitor your pets. In theory. Here’s the piece I wrote for the New York Post about the experience.

New York Post Xmas Puzzles

Here are some Christmas puzzles I made up for the New York Post. Much easier than Fictionary, more of a sort of light family fare.

You’ll probably need to print it out and I’d advise using a pencil for the ‘Baubles’ puzzle. Answers to the ‘Christmas Song’ and ‘Guess the Gift’ puzzles at the bottom of the page. And I’ll put up the ‘Bauble’ answers soon.

Merry Christmas, everyone!

Click here for the puzzle page.

Fictionary 6 (WCCQ)

I used to work as a puzzle editor and compiler and thought it might be fun to make up a book puzzle. This is a wordplay challenge in which each circle contains a cryptic-style clue. For the example, over on the right here, for a puzzle where the theme is ‘British Literature’, the answer is ‘Trainspotting’. (TRA – in -SPOTTING, yes?)

See if you can work out the answer to the nine challenges below, arranged in approximate order of difficulty.

This one’s a little different. It’s a puzzle I made up...

Fictionary 5

I used to work as a puzzle editor and compiler and thought it might be fun to make up a book puzzle. This is a wordplay challenge in which each circle contains a cryptic-style clue. For the example, over on the right here, for a puzzle where the theme is ‘British Literature’, the answer is ‘Trainspotting’. (TRA – in -SPOTTING, yes?)

See if you can work out the answer to the nine challenges below, arranged in approximate order of difficulty. And to narrow things down, this timethe theme is ‘Fam...

Flushed With Pride

It was a great thrill to have a piece included in my childhood local newspaper, a pleasure that was only increased seeing my words and book cover curling around the sparkling porcelain of a lavatory ad. However, I’m not quite sure about that name, Allbits. Do I really want to think about all bits when I’m buying a toilet? Although perhaps all bits are better than some bits. Or maybe the name is just fairly crude rhyming slang.

Anyway, without further ado, here’s my local newspaper story about...