Brandon Stanton's Blog, page 186

“The kids have moved out. It’s like we were in a routine for...

“The kids have moved out. It’s like we were in a routine for twenty-five years, and now it’s come to an end. Suddenly it’s just the two of us. There’s nothing else to focus on. It’s been a rediscovery process. So we just bought some hiking backpacks. We’re going travel the world, and we’re not planning ahead.”

“We married when I was nineteen. I was young. She was a bit...

“We married when I was nineteen. I was young. She was a bit older, and I was fine doing things her way. Things were good for the first ten or fifteen years. Then I remember looking around one day and realizing that there wasn’t a single piece of furniture in the house that I’d picked out. And suddenly I stopped answering all her commands with, ‘Yes dear,’ ‘Yes, dear,’ ‘Yes,dear.’ And that’s when the fighting started. Eventually we were fighting about everything. We argued for six months about whether to put track lighting in the kitchen. We hardly ever talked toward the end. We’d sit in the same room and not speak a word unless it was a snide comment. And forget about sex. She didn’t believe in that anymore. It got so bad that I’d literally stay in the office all night to avoid going home. I’m sure if you asked my ex-wife though, she won’t tell you about the ten years that sucked. She’ll tell you about when I got a girlfriend and moved out of the house.”

“My wife first got breast cancer in 1999. Then it came back...

“My wife first got breast cancer in 1999. Then it came back last year, and it’s in the bones now. I was a mess last year. Any time I wasn’t busy, I’d just start crying uncontrollably. Then I handed it over to God. I actually spoke to him, and said: ‘It’s all yours.’ And I’ve felt better since then. We’re hopeful. We know somebody whose bone cancer got so bad that her bones were breaking, and last month she tested completely clear. So we’re hopeful. It’s made me a better person in a way. I want her time to be as good as possible, so whenever there’s a confrontation, I don’t push it like I used to. I’ll just back away from it. Even if she’s wrong. I’ll back away and we’ll revisit it later when everyone is calm.”

“I always wanted to be someone in the fashion industry. Maybe...

“I always wanted to be someone in the fashion industry. Maybe a stylist for the magazines. Instead I’m working as an office assistant at a pharmaceutical company. Though I must say, I think the office looks better because of me. I’ve been handing out tips. People are sprucing up a bit more. Some of the ladies are trying new lipsticks. We’re loosening up.”

“I was a weird kid. I loved vintage clothes. I assumed that if...

“I was a weird kid. I loved vintage clothes. I assumed that if I wore a 1950’s yellow sundress and matching jacket on the first day of school, everyone in sixth grade would love me. When I got to high school, I realized that all the other weird kids were in theater, so I started spending all my free time in the theater department. I was the costume designer. And by costume designer, I mean the person who organized the boxes of free shit people gave us.”

“We had to leave Russia eight years ago with two suitcases and...

“We had to leave Russia eight years ago with two suitcases and our baby. My husband was a journalist. He was making reports about Chechnya. His only crime was telling the truth. The KGB came to our house and took all of our papers. They took our citizenship. We had to leave the country with Red Cross travel documents. We had to start over. Neither of us could speak English. My husband was an important journalist in Russia, but here he fixes swimming pools. Now he has big muscles but he’s very sad. I am very proud of myself. I was 30 years old when I came to here. I felt very alone. I had nothing. But I taught myself English. I taught myself to drive. The Metropolitan Opera gave me a job as a stitcher in the costume shop. They gave me a chance even though I didn’t speak English. I remember after a few weeks of working here, one of my coworkers gave me a dress that didn’t fit her anymore. It was the first time that I did not feel separate from this country. It felt like I belonged.”

“My parents were teenagers when they had my brother and me. My...

“My parents were teenagers when they had my brother and me. My mother abandoned us early on. My father told us she was manic-depressive. I remember going to the public library with my brother when I was nine or ten, trying to find out what ‘manic depressive’ meant. Mom came in and out of our lives over the next few years. She never stayed long. My father wasn’t much better. He was hardly ever home. My brother and I had to raise ourselves. School was my only outlet. I did everything: dance team, student council, honors society, even powerlifting. I was the first from my family to go to college. I went to graduate school at Columbia, and now I’m a college counselor for low-income students. I don’t talk to either of my parents. My mom sends me texts every once in awhile, but I don’t answer. She likes to imagine that she played a part in my accomplishments. She has pictures of me all over her office. She tells her coworkers all about me as if she’d been part of my life. And I don’t want her to have that satisfaction. Because it was all in spite of her. Not because of her.”

“I was married for 25 years and had five children, but I allowed...

“I was married for 25 years and had five children, but I allowed myself to make decisions based on emotional glitches. I had affairs. But they were affairs of the heart. I think I had a hunger to see myself as a great man in someone else’s eyes. My wife was a fine person, and she still is, but after 25 years of marriage things become settled. And when somebody else comes along and makes you feel like something special—it’s like catnip. You want more of it. You want to say: ‘Let’s get lunch sometime.’ But in the end, you are what you are no matter how somebody makes you feel. It’s just a feeling. And I wish I hadn’t chased it.”

“I didn’t start running until I was 51 years old. I was a wimp...

“I didn’t start running until I was 51 years old. I was a wimp at the time. A nothing. My marriage had fallen apart. I was only seeing my children on the weekends. I wasn’t sleeping well. I was waking up at 5:30 AM every morning, probably after a long night of drinking, and so I decided that I might as well go for a walk. As I walked around the park, I’d always see these runners out there. So I decided to give that a try. After a few weeks I could run six miles. After a year, I tried to run a marathon. I hit a wall at the twenty-mile mark, but I threw up and took a leak, then I found the energy to finish. I’ve been pushing through walls ever since. I ran sixteen marathons in seventeen years, until my doctor told me that I had to stop because of my heart. After that, I started walking ten miles a day. Now I’m 91 and my kneecap keeps collapsing, and I have trouble with my balance. But I’m still more confident than I ever was when I was younger. I was a wimp.”

“I’ve been working as an actor and I’ve been in a bit of a rut...

“I’ve been working as an actor and I’ve been in a bit of a rut recently. We need money for rent, school, every bill under the sun. And we want to have a kid soon, so we should really be putting money away for that. We sat down over pizza recently to figure out our finances. She helped convince me that I’m not an idiot.”
“I tend to be the more practical one in the relationship. I told him: ‘This isn’t you. This is just right now.’ We’ve just got to start from the basics and figure things out. Eric needs to be acting and making films, and I’m happiest when he’s doing those things. We just need to make a few small adjustments to make the numbers work. He’s extremely talented, but he agrees to do too many things for free. Nobody would ever ask a lawyer to work for free. But actors and artists get asked all the time. And if Eric likes the person, he’ll work for 80 hours with no compensation. It’s fine to do unpaid projects because you’re passionate. But you have to feel really strongly about it. In each case, we’ve got to ask if the passion is worth more than the dollars.”