Brandon Stanton's Blog, page 179

“We started dating shortly after she acquired a stalker—bad...

“We started dating shortly after she acquired a stalker—bad start, I know. So she had security with her 24/7. Our first date went great. It was the kind of night that was clearly going to end with a kiss. But I had to kiss her in front of the security guards. It was awkward. It was like our parents were watching. The next morning she knocked on my hotel room door. She was alone. She walked into the room, and said: ‘I can do better.’”

“I grew up in India where a woman got married, settled down,...

“I grew up in India where a woman got married, settled down, and kept a house. I never thought I’d do anything different. I lived a very sheltered existence. I went to a British school, then a women’s college, and then I met my husband. I assumed that I’d be taken care of for the rest of my life. But shortly after we came to America, my husband slipped into a coma and lingered for another fifteen years. We had a small child at the time. I’d never worked before, except for a part-time job in the bookshop at the Met. I was a very quiet person. And suddenly I had to make all of the decisions. I had to get a full time job. It was empowering. I learned that I could be fearless, I could be angry, and I could fight. These were three things that I’d never had to do before. I was thinking recently, that if my husband had lived, he might not have liked who I’ve become.”

“I just had a son. I imagined stress, no sleep, and total...

“I just had a son. I imagined stress, no sleep, and total confusion over what to do. I thought I’d be so tired that I’d be unable to form sentences at work. And there have been instances of that. I’ve left the house a few times without my wallet or cell phone. I’ve been late to a few meetings. Recently I woke up on an empty train. But overall it’s been absolutely phenomenal and the most fun I’ve ever had. He’s incredibly happy all the time. He smiles all day. It’s insane. You should see him laugh. I almost peed my pants the first time he laughed. I am sleeping less. But I’m choosing to sleep less. I set my alarm for 5 AM so that I can spend an extra hour with him before I go to work.”

“My partner has ruined my life. I’ve been with him for six...

“My partner has ruined my life. I’ve been with him for six years now. His mental illness has cost us everything. We had a three-bedroom townhouse in Pennsylvania. It wasn’t much, but it was something. We had two cars. I had a job working at a call center for the government. But then he became convinced that we were being poisoned by fracking, and we had to leave everything behind. At our next apartment, he kicked down the neighbor’s door because he thought someone was trying to get him. Then he made me drive him to Canada because he thought his mother was a famous actress. Now we’re homeless. I don’t sleep more than three hours a night. Any time you lay down your head, a security guard will come along and make you leave. I look awful. I can’t shave. I can’t even jack off. I know that sounds bad but I’m still human. I have needs. And I’m affection starved. He gives me no affection. I tried to kiss a straight friend of mine recently because I’m so affection starved. But the thing is—I’m all he has. I do everything for him. I get his food. I get his medicine. I know that I enable him. But if I leave him, I’m afraid he’ll kill himself.”

“We met in church as teenagers. We were best friends at first. ...

“We met in church as teenagers. We were best friends at first. We’d complete each other’s sentences. We got married two weeks after she graduated from UCLA, and we never stopped moving after that. We had our first child while we were in law school. Then we both had to pass the bar. After that we had to find jobs, and we had a second kid. At some point we just got into survival mode. It didn’t feel like we were growing a relationship anymore. It just felt like we were picking up the pieces of decisions we had made. We kept telling ourselves that things would get better once life settled down. We’d say: ‘Let’s just get through law school. Or let’s just get through finals. Or let’s just get through this move.” We never communicated things that were bothering us. After thirteen years, we finally decided that the time was now. We wanted to finally be what we thought we were going to be while we were dating. Counseling was hard. There was a lot of unspoken anger and resentment to unpack. But we’re so glad we went because things are better now. And we feel like we’re growing again.”

“I want to be a scientist so I can invent a potion to turn...

“I want to be a scientist so I can invent a potion to turn Pokemon cards into real Pokemons.”

“We’ve been friends for a long time. Both of us were married...

“We’ve been friends for a long time. Both of us were married for forty years and both of our spouses passed away. A couple years after my husband died, he called me one night and invited me to a dance in New York. He wore a top hat and white tie, but he had a little too much to drink that night, and he fell into a snowdrift while he was walking me home. I couldn’t wait to see him again. The next morning I was sitting in my living room, reading the paper, and thinking: ‘Oh my God. Forty years of marriage. And here I am hoping that a man will call.”

“I’m forty-eight now. I’ve been dating a woman for over two...

“I’m forty-eight now. I’ve been dating a woman for over two years. And I’m getting to the point where I probably need to cut her loose or commit. I’ve never been married. I’ve gotten close with two or three women. I actually got as close as City Hall one time. But I’ve always backed down. I guess I thought that I’d eventually meet a woman, and some sort of pathway would open up in my mind, and I’d know that she was the right one. But it hasn’t happened. I’ve never gotten to the point where the thought of marriage doesn’t freak me out. And here I am again. I just spent a wonderful day in the park with this woman. It was lovely. But now my mind jumps to the future. And I worry that there’s something I’m not seeing. I’m afraid that something will reveal itself once we’ve exchanged our vows, and suddenly my life will be worse than when I was alone.”

“We started off as friends. Then one night we stayed up until...

“We started off as friends. Then one night we stayed up until 5 AM watching episodes of the Cosby Show spinoff where Denise goes to college. And we started joking about ‘Netflix and chill.’ And I was like, ‘So what kind of Netflix and chill’ are we having tonight?’
And she was like ‘I don’t know.’
Then I was like, ‘Want to make out?’”

Susie passed away yesterday evening. She came into my life...

Susie passed away yesterday evening. She came into my life quite unexpectedly five years ago. I was photographing in Brooklyn one evening when I saw the coolest little dog sitting on a stoop. I sat down to pet her, and after a few minutes, her owner told me that he was unable to care for her anymore. He asked if I could take her. I was broke at the time. I was sleeping on a friend’s couch. And everyone that I asked told me that it was ‘not the right time’ for a dog. But I was so charmed by Susie, and the whole encounter seemed so fated, that I offered to take her.

It was one of the best decisions I ever made. Susie was twelve years old at the time and didn’t need much. I’d never had a dog before. It was a new experience. I was introduced for the first time to a dog’s unexplainable and unconditional love. After a few weeks, it seemed that Susie’s only concern in life was staying as close to me as possible. There was now a joyous reunion waiting for me at the end of every workday. And I learned that there are few greater blessings than a wildly happy dog greeting you at the door.

Over the last few years, my fiancé Erin developed her own relationship with Susie. As many of you know, Erin started a nonprofit called Susie’s Senior Dogs, which seeks to place older dogs in loving homes. Older dogs have the hardest time getting adopted. Because there is such a demand for young dogs, so many senior dogs are either euthanized or forced to spend the remainder of their lives in a shelter. Over the past few years, Susie’s Senior Dogs has placed several hundred senior dogs into homes. There is a warm and active community of people who follow the page. In fact, I think that half the people who come to my book signings are more excited to meet Erin than me.

So it’s been a tough few days, but Erin and I are both very thankful that Susie came into our lives. She was such a special friend. She was my introduction to the love of dogs. And she helped Erin discover her purpose in life. So in a way she’s going to stick around forever. I encourage everyone to follow Susie’s Senior Dogs, and consider allowing an older dog to change your life as well.