Brandon Stanton's Blog, page 131

“You know how when you see a group of geese in a field, and...

“You know how when you see a group of geese in a field, and there’s always one with its head up, looking around? That’s me. I was always afraid. Just anxious. It’s like my mind was a heat-seeking missile, always honing in on what could possibly go wrong. My first daughter got the brunt of it. I was so worried about everything. Her first plane ride. Her first day of school. Her first sleepover. I thought if I anticipated every little thing that might go wrong, then maybe I could fend things off. But that’s never possible. Things will always go wrong. The best you can do is give your kids self-confidence. But I’m afraid I passed on my anxiety instead. Because when Mom is always afraid of the world, the world becomes something to fear.”

“We met five years ago in the comment section of our Wordpress...

“We met five years ago in the comment section of our Wordpress blogs. I was living in the Philippines. I randomly discovered his blog and commented on a post about how much he can eat in one sitting. Then it became one ongoing conversation for three years. We began our relationship on August 24th 2013– when I wrote ‘I love you’ in an email. We talked every day, but we didn’t even meet in person until two years later when he came to visit me in the Philippines. He proposed the very first day. We stopped working on our old blogs and created one together called Two Bees In A Blog.“

“I found out on my 21st birthday that my dad was leaving my...

“I found out on my 21st birthday that my dad was leaving my mom. At first I was angry with him. It seemed extremely selfish. But when I finally agreed to talk to him, he told me that he’d been depressed for five years. He told me that he’d felt trapped in his life and his marriage. He even told me that one night he drove out to a bridge, thought about killing himself, and only changed his mind at the last minute. Part of me empathizes with him. I never realized he was hiding this depression from us. But at the same time he made choices that really hurt our family. So I’m trying to figure out what blame he deserves. At what point is a person with mental illness still responsible for their choices?”

Today in microfashion…

Today in microfashion…

Today in microfashion…

Today in microfashion…

“It was a tsunami. In April of ’82 there was an article in the...

“It was a tsunami. In April of ’82 there was an article in the New York Times about a new gay cancer, and everyone thought ‘oh well.’ I was in my twenties. I wasn’t worried about a thing. But then every week you started to hear about somebody becoming ill. My boss was one of the first. He was a famous florist. He went into the hospital on Thanksgiving and was dead by Easter. I lost most of my friends. A lot of the first men to die were privileged. They were closeted, corporate white men. During the day they were bankers but at night they’d hit the leather clubs and bars. But they learned their privilege didn’t matter after they got sick. They were just ‘gay.’ We had to fight for AIDS to be recognized by the government. We joined together with people of color, and junkies, and prostitutes. It was a beautiful thing, really. Our feminist lesbian sisters taught us how to protest because they’d been doing it for decades. They showed us how to organize meetings, and bring people together, and force the government to the table—things we’d never had to think about as white men.”

Today in microfashion…

Today in microfashion…

“At first I told myself I could get past it. I said, ‘Let’s...

“At first I told myself I could get past it. I said, ‘Let’s just see how it goes.’ We had excellent dates. Everything else about her was exactly what I wanted. I didn’t want to ruin something good for that one little reason. But it’s been 1.5 years. And I feel horrible, but I just can’t get past it. And I feel like a bad person for being bothered by it. I can’t bring myself to tell her. We’re going to couple’s therapy next week, but I still don’t think I’ll be able to say it. Is there any right way to ask someone to lose weight for you?”

“Zoe loves the movies. So I knew if I was going to propose, it...

“Zoe loves the movies. So I knew if I was going to propose, it had to involve the movies. But I can’t make a movie myself because I don’t work in film. So I had to get creative. I ordered a black-and-white Italian film from a vintage film dealer. It seemed vaguely romantic. I spent four months editing it on my computer. I changed all the subtitles. I cut out the harem scene. I completely changed the plot so that it resembled our lives. I wrote some dialogue about picture frames because Zoe’s family owns a frame shop. And I love trains. So I made the main character a train enthusiast. When I finished the editing, I rented out a small theater with sixty seats. I invited all of Zoe’s friends and family. I made sure everyone sat in the front and didn’t turn around. The weather was beautiful that day. Zoe didn’t want to go to a movie. We got in a big fight about it, but I finally convinced her. I was so nervous that I laughed during the whole film. I’d seen all the jokes 1000 times but I laughed at them anyway. Then during the final scene, the main characters started speaking to the audience, and one of them asked: ‘Does anyone here want to get married?’ So I stood up. The lights came on. All her friends and family turned around. And I gave a speech that I prepared. I was so nervous that I forgot to ask the actual question. But Zoe bailed me out and said ‘yes’ anyway.”

“My mom went off when she found out I was gay. It’s not...

“My mom went off when she found out I was gay. It’s not accepted in Jamaican culture. I had to pretend I was ‘over it’ just so I could stay in the house. I didn’t really have anyone to talk to about it. I was always getting in fights with other kids. I didn’t even have a real friend until I was seventeen. I joined my school’s volleyball team, and the coach paired me up with a boy named Winnie to work on drills. I was still in the closet. He was much more flamboyant than me. He’d make me laugh. We’d talk about other boys on the team. He showed me how to not take myself so seriously. And we had similar backgrounds too. Winnie lived in a single parent home. His mother didn’t accept his lifestyle either. Sometimes we’d talk on the phone at night. Or we’d get a slice of pizza after practice. These were things that I’d never done with anyone before. I never pursued anything romantic because I couldn’t risk the friendship. It was the first time I didn’t feel alone.“