Brandon Stanton's Blog, page 122

“I work on cargo ships. I’m usually at sea for nine months at a...

“I work on cargo ships. I’m usually at sea for nine months at a time, but sometimes it can go past a year. My last trip was 25 months. It’s tough out there. You’re so far from your family. It’s been easier since we got Internet last year. But before that you could only make phone calls when you got to a port. And you’d only get a letter once every two months. My mother died during a recent trip and I couldn’t even go home for the funeral. She was fine when I left, but somewhere off the coast of South Africa, the captain came into the engine room and told me she’d passed away. I was so weak I couldn’t work. The other guys volunteered to take over my shifts. Everyone chipped in some money and gave me a gift. We do that every time someone loses a family member. Your crew mates are all you have out there. All of us are going through the same thing. And if you don’t share your problems, you’ll go crazy.”

(Manila, Philippines)

“My boyfriend left as soon as I got pregnant. I was terrified...

“My boyfriend left as soon as I got pregnant. I was terrified to tell my father, but he discovered my pregnancy test hidden in a drawer. He didn’t speak to me for a few days. We’d always been close, so I knew something was up. Finally he asked me if I wanted to tell him something. I began to cry. I thought he was going to kick me out of the house. But he just went to speak with my mom in the other room, and when he came back, he asked what I planned to do. I told him I wanted to keep the baby, and from that moment on he was very supportive. He cooked me all kinds of dishes whenever I had cravings. He gave me words of encouragement. He started saving money in case I needed a cesarean section. But during my seventh month he came down with a fever after wading through floodwater. The next week it turned into a cough. We took him to the hospital, went home to get clothes, but he died by the time we got back. It was so sudden. I had no idea what I was going to do. I got all my strength from my father. It seemed like keeping the baby had been a mistake. It’s been a tough few years. I had to drop out of school and find a job, but my son is doing well. He’s very smart. He comes home from school with stickers and stars. He’s a ‘Mama’s boy.’ It’s been hard, but I’ve proven to myself that I didn’t have to end a life just because I couldn’t face it.”

(Manila, Phillipines)

“Soon after my father passed away, my mother got addicted to...

“Soon after my father passed away, my mother got addicted to gambling. We began falling behind on the rent. I realized what was happening when I found a Casino Filipino membership card in her wallet. I tried confronting her, but she got furious. She told me I had no right to tell her what to do. She began to disappear for days at a time. There was no money for my thesis project at school. I’d borrow food from our relatives just to feed my younger siblings. Then a few months ago our landlord finally kicked us out and we moved into a slum. It was so noisy and dirty. But I did my best to ignore it and focus on my schoolwork. We live in an evacuation center now because the slum burned down. My friends at school have been helping me with clothes and food. And during it all, I’ve kept up my grades. I’m graduating on April 3rd with a degree in Secondary Education. I’m going to become a teacher. I think I’ve already learned a special skill that teachers have to keep their personal problems out of the classroom.”

(Manila, Philippines)

“I’d always been very curious as a kid. I remember taking apart...

“I’d always been very curious as a kid. I remember taking apart electronics and putting them back together, just to see if they’d still work. But I lost all that enthusiasm during my teenage years. My house became very dark, literally and figuratively. The lights were always off. My parents were always fighting. We never spoke to each other, and if we did, it was always in short sentences. All I cared about was getting out. I put the minimal amount of effort into school. I was angry all the time. I went through life without any goals and ended up getting a job that I wasn’t passionate about. But then one day I downloaded a program onto my office computer that gave me control over the entire network. It was my introduction to hacking, and I’ve been addicted to it ever since. I feel inspired every day. I started learning everything I could. I even discovered you can do it legally, so I’m back in school, getting my degree in information security.”

(Manila, Philippines)

“My father died on the day he got out of prison, so I never knew...

“My father died on the day he got out of prison, so I never knew him. I was on my own as a child. I wasn’t able to go to school. I was hungry all the time. I’d wait all day by the marketplace until they threw out the rotten food. And if I couldn’t find any food, I’d steal it. I’ve spent over twenty years of my life in prison. My last sentence was for murder. A man slapped my mother so I stabbed him in the heart. But I’ve been trying to change ever since I adopted my son. I convinced his parents to let me have him because they were neglecting him. He was extremely sick when I found him. He was skinny like a lizard. But now he’s spoiled. Whenever he wants something, I give it to him. I don’t want him to be like me. I want him to go to school. My neighbors are in awe of my son. He never begs or fights. He’s very respectful because he’s so afraid of me. I always tell him: ‘If you ever fight or steal, I’m going to kill you.’”

(Manila, Philippines)

“My stepfather would come to my side of the room when everyone...

“My stepfather would come to my side of the room when everyone else was asleep. I’d heard about these things on television, but I couldn’t believe it was happening to me. I told nobody. I was ashamed. I didn’t want anyone spreading rumors. I couldn’t even tell my mom because who would she believe: him or me? So I just left the house when I turned seventeen. I started sleeping at the houses of my friends. It was so lonely. I never stayed in the same place for long. And my mother grew so angry with me. It ruined our relationship. I had been helping her raise my siblings, so she thought I was abandoning my responsibilities. Even today she doesn’t know why I ran away. I haven’t even told my husband about this. But what does it matter anymore? I’m older now. And my stepfather’s dead.”

(Manila, Philippines)

“I raised my niece as if she was my own daughter. We were very...

“I raised my niece as if she was my own daughter. We were very close, but she fell in with a bad crowd and left my home at a young age. She had six children in six years. But then she got very sick with cancer. Right before she died, she asked me to look after her children. At the time I had no income. I’d been retired for years. But I didn’t hesitate because they were my own blood. So now I have six children at home—the oldest one is eight. All of them call me ‘Papa.’ I really love them. I’ve gone back to driving a taxi because there’s nothing else to do. I’m seventy-five but my eyes are still clear. I can work long hours. I don’t need much sleep because I get my strength from the children. If I get tired, what will happen to them? I also have a lot of help from my wife and siblings. If I get too worn down, the children will take a ‘vacation’ at their auntie’s house. But that never lasts long. Because I miss them too much and want them back.”

(Manila, Philippines)

“You know the story of Martha and Mary? One of them needed to...

“You know the story of Martha and Mary? One of them needed to make everything perfect for Jesus, and the other one just listened to him. Well my mother was the one who needed everything to be perfect. She would lose her temper every Christmas because something was out of place. She was the definition of a ‘tiger mom.’ She rarely praised me. She showed her love through sermons and lectures. I was afraid of her, and so I always performed well on my assignments. I always made the honor roll. I became an executive at a fairly young age. I can thank her training for a lot of those things. But one thing I never learned was how to fail. I was always too afraid of the consequences. So even today I’m not good with the unknown. It’s hard for me to try something new, because I’m scared of messing up.”

(Manila, Philippines)

“She asked me to pick her up early from school because she was...

“She asked me to pick her up early from school because she was vomiting. That’s when she told me that her period was late. We went to the store and bought a pregnancy test, but the first one came out blurry. A few hours later we tried again and it came out clear. I told her I wanted to break up. I’m ashamed of it now, but I was only eighteen. I felt like I was way too young. I just wanted to escape. She started crying and told me that I’m a bad person. She said: ‘You did this to me.’ So I started crying too, and I told her I was sorry, and I told her we’d figure it out. Our son is two years old now. It’s happy but it’s hard. If I didn’t have a kid right now, I’d probably be working in an office. I’d be sitting at a desk and typing on a computer. Instead I’m working as a messenger. I’m outside all the time. I’m always worried about buying milk for my kid. We’re all living with my parents now. We’re doing well as a couple. Whenever we’re stressed, we talk about it together. She understands because she gave up a lot too. She wanted to be a cook before she met me.”

(Manila, Philippines)

“I’m a researcher. I work with local governments to draft...

“I’m a researcher. I work with local governments to draft legislation that encourages sustainable tourism. Right now I’m working on guidelines for sea turtle interactions. Currently there aren’t any laws regulating interactions with marine wildlife, so many species are being threatened. Dive companies are luring whale sharks with food and disrupting their migratory patterns. Tourism isn’t a bad thing. It benefits the economy and encourages conservation. It just needs to be sustainable. The industry needs to grow. But it needs to grow in a way that doesn’t just enrich a few businessmen at the expense of our shared natural resources.”

(Manila, Philippines)