Brandon Stanton's Blog, page 120

“My daughter is always asking me to play with her Barbie dolls. ...

“My daughter is always asking me to play with her Barbie dolls. I try to tell her that I’m just going to watch but she starts begging me. So I try to do the man stuff. You know… fix the roof, move the furniture, maybe wash the Barbie car.”

“Annie had a tantrum because our magazine had a Fun Zone with...

“Annie had a tantrum because our magazine had a Fun Zone with puzzles and I did all the puzzles. So she started stomping around but Mommy got sick of it so Annie went to time out in our room and turned out all the lights. I tried to go inside but she kicked her boots at me. I waited for ten minutes and then I went in quickly and asked her to help me on a puzzle where you had to find all the differences. And that made her happy again because Annie loves puzzles.“

“Having twins made me a more relaxed parent. When you watch two...

“Having twins made me a more relaxed parent. When you watch two kids grow up at the same time, it makes you less concerned about benchmarks. Each of them had different talents and struggles. He could do all the physical stuff first. We had to put a net on the crib because he was always climbing out. He could swim first. He learned to ride a bike several years earlier than her. But she was potty trained first. She was reading by the age of three. And she was much better at drawing pictures– her fire trucks always had four wheels, and his were just red scribbles. If I’d only had one child, I’d probably have been obsessing over these talents and struggles. I think every parent needs to feel like their child is special. But twins made me realize that all children grow differently. And it’s absurd to rank and classify them at such a young age.”

“I want to make sure I don’t miss a second of connectedness to...

“I want to make sure I don’t miss a second of connectedness to the brands I’m representing. In the digital world, there’s always this feeling that if you don’t respond back—it’s a lost opportunity. If someone is talking to you, you have to answer or they might think you don’t care. If a client asks my opinion, and I don’t reply ‘I agree with that’—he might ask someone else. My paycheck depends on always being connected. So there’s always a screen in front of me. I’m always responding to ‘pings’ and ‘dings.’ But it has a lot of consequences. Especially on my family. My kids are growing up, and the moments I should be focusing on are happening all around me. So that’s where I am right now. I want to figure out how technology and innovation can give me more time with my family, not less.”

“I was raised with that Jewish intellectual worship of...

“I was raised with that Jewish intellectual worship of knowledge. But all my professors in college were small-minded nasty little bitches getting off on their own power, wanting me to parrot them while telling me they didn’t. So I decided I was a nihilist and that I was going to do as many drugs as possible. If the goal is to spend your whole life trying to get rewards to trigger chemicals in your brain, why not go straight for the chemicals? But that didn’t work out very well. It quickly became less of a philosophy, and more of a massive drug addiction.”

“I’m doing a review of last year. I’m looking at all the goals...

“I’m doing a review of last year. I’m looking at all the goals I set and whether I managed to achieve them. A big one for me was that I finally managed to get my driver’s license. It’s a little embarrassing because I’m well past that age, but I’ve always been terrified of driving. So I signed up for some lessons. I studied hard. I took extremely meticulous notes. Then I went to the testing center with my driving instructor. They assigned me a real hard faced guy from Eastern Europe. My instructor told me: ‘This guy fails everyone.’ So I started off pretty nervous. I messed up almost immediately and made a rolling stop. I’m pretty sure I stopped completely– but apparently it was a rolling stop. The test seemed to go on forever. I couldn’t charm the guy. I tried to make conversation but he was silent the entire time. Then after we finished, he made me sit outside his office for an eternity. But finally he came out and told me that I’d passed! It was such a relief! I haven’t driven since.”

(Sydney, Australia)

“I was at a rave when I was sixteen, and my mates said ‘Try...

“I was at a rave when I was sixteen, and my mates said ‘Try this.’ And it made me the opposite of who I normally am. I’d always been really shy, but suddenly I was dancing in the crowd and talking to everyone around me. Everyone else had issues too so it felt like I belonged. Soon I found a source and it became every weekend for the whole weekend. I’d be completely wiped on Monday so I started skipping school. I ended up flunking out. My depression and anxiety got really bad. I was getting in fights. I lashed out at anyone who tried to stop me. When I was seventeen I tried to run away from home but got pulled over. My mom sat me down and said: ‘If you keep going down this road, you’re not a son of mine.’ I’m better now. I just do it once a month. I know what’s at stake. My anxiety is much better now, but I think the stutter might be permanent.”

(Sydney, Australia)

“We met two years ago at the office. At the time he’d just...

“We met two years ago at the office. At the time he’d just gotten out of a really bad breakup. It started with just lunch and coffee. Then we started meeting after work. We hooked up a little– somewhere between second and third base. I told him that I liked him so if it wasn’t going anywhere then we couldn’t be friends. But that’s exactly what ended up happening. It’s excruciating. It seems like we’re always on the edge of a relationship. We hang out. We go to the beach. I’ll go to his place, cook dinner, watch a movie, and then leave. We get handsy. We might kiss a little. But that’s it. Recently we went on a trip to New Zealand and shared a bed for four days. We spooned every night but nothing else happened. I know I’m complicit, but when I push him on it, he acts confused and says that he has a lot of friendships like this. We kissed a little on my birthday last week. The next day I texted him: ‘I’m not going to pretend this isn’t happening.’ He wrote back: ‘Let me think about it. I’m in meetings.’ And he still hasn’t replied.”

(Melbourne, Australia)

“He’s always wanted kids. So I thought: ‘We’ll roll the dice...

“He’s always wanted kids. So I thought: ‘We’ll roll the dice and see what happens.’ I honestly didn’t think I’d get pregnant. They say it’s harder when you’re older, but here we are. I’m not confident that I’m going to be a good mom. I think of maternal women as women who’ve always wanted kids. I’ve known those people and watched those people and I’ve always thought: ‘I’m not like you.’ I’m afraid I’ll resent the change. Everything stops for the kid—no matter what you’re doing. I see my friends struggling to have a simple conversation because their kid keeps interrupting, or touching things, or running around. That will be new. But I’m trying to focus on the good parts. I am excited to teach it things. And hopefully I’ll be changed for the better. But what if there’s not a bond? You need that connection to stave off the resentment. And if it’s not there, how do you fix that? I’ve got one friend who doesn’t feel it very much. She’s not patient with all the interruptions. She cuts her kids off and sends them away. She told me: ‘If I’d known what was coming, I’d never have done it.”

(Melbourne, Australia)

“My father had an ulcer that became infected. It was relatively...

“My father had an ulcer that became infected. It was relatively simple to cure but he refused to believe the doctors. Instead he diagnosed himself with some sort of virus. He stopped taking his medicine. He created his own ointments instead. He’s very intelligent so his reasoning could sound very convincing. It was hard to identify when it crossed the line into mental illness. But the infection never healed. He went from surfing and swimming every day to barely being able to walk. He aged twenty years. And still he refused to go to a doctor. He’d isolate himself from anyone who challenged him. When he finally collapsed and was admitted to a hospital, the doctors said he had the lowest red blood cell count they’d ever seen. Only then did he accept that things were out of his control. He’s much healthier now. He’s almost back to normal. He’ll occasionally fall into the old script of defending his actions– but he manages to catch himself.”

(Sydney, Australia)