Brandon Stanton's Blog, page 117

“Obama had been president for six days. The old timers in the...

“Obama had been president for six days. The old timers in the twelve-step program tell you to associate the memory with something, so that’s how I remember it. The weather was just like this, even though it was November. It was sixtyish degrees. I was sitting on a stoop, having my morning beer and cigarette, and feeling disgusted with myself. I was wheezing so bad that it felt like I’d swallowed a whistle. And I had this moment of clarity. I knew I was done. So I took a couple more swigs, threw the pack of Newports into traffic, and walked over to Project Renewal on 3rd Street. I’ll be ten years sober if I can make it until November 10th. That was my day. And it still is my day. Even if I fail, I’ll remember that on that day I succeeded. And if I did it then, I can do it again.”

“I was eleven when my mom divorced my stepdad. She had four...

“I was eleven when my mom divorced my stepdad. She had four kids at the time. I remember we were in the bedroom, and she said to me: ‘You’re the oldest so I’m going to need your help.’ And ever since then I’ve been ‘Mom Number Two.’ I picked my little brothers up from school. I cooked for them. I made sure they did their homework. I met with their teachers. I’d be the authority figure until mom came home from work. I was always the responsible one. Nobody ever had to worry about me. But now I’m twenty and my whole life has been about my little brothers. I’ve never really felt the security to figure myself out. But today is orientation at my new college. I just finished meeting with my advisor. There are so many clubs and organizations that I can join. I want to meet a lot of different people. I want to be more outspoken. I feel like this is my chance to learn who I am.”

“I was diagnosed with leukemia during my early teens. It was a...

“I was diagnosed with leukemia during my early teens. It was a full year being out of school. And when I came back it felt like everyone had moved on without me. I had to repeat ninth grade. My social circles had changed and I was desperate to make new friends. I started trying way too hard to impress people. I’d make stuff up about myself. I remember pretending that I could read palms. Anything to get close to people who were cooler than me. But the worst part is that I started to avoid people who weren’t ‘cool.’ There was one girl I absolutely loved, but she had a weight problem and kids were mean to her. So I started ducking into classrooms if I saw her coming down the hall. Or I’d sit at the other end of the cafeteria. It was the opposite of who I’d always been. I’d always been the one making sure everyone was included. I was always the first one to introduce myself to new kids. I wanted everyone to feel important. But for awhile I became the opposite of that. I became a social climber.“

“I’m from a small country in Africa called Benin. I won the...

“I’m from a small country in Africa called Benin. I won the visa lottery to come here. I didn’t even know I was eligible. My brother entered my name and didn’t even tell me. I was studying to be a psychiatrist at the time. I assumed that I’d be able to continue with medical school. But when I arrived here, I found out that none of my credits would transfer. I had a choice: either go home and become a doctor, or start from the bottom. I didn’t speak any English. I didn’t have any money. But I knew if I could somehow make it here, my degree would be much more valuable. So I made the choice to stay. I began practicing English with my young nieces. The first thing I learned was: ‘I’m going to kick you.’ I got a job with a catering company and learned how to say ‘I’m here to deliver your food.’ I studied as many YouTube videos as I could during my free time. It’s been three years now. I’m almost finished with my bachelor’s degree. Just two classes left. At nights I work as a behavioral specialist in a mental health facility. I’m going to take the MCAT in September. My friends back home have all become doctors already, but I try not to think about them. I don’t want to lose my focus. I haven’t made it yet, but I’m making it.”

“I’ve known I wanted to be an actor ever since we performed...

“I’ve known I wanted to be an actor ever since we performed Horton Hears A Who in 5th grade drama camp. I studied theater in college. But right now I’m in between roles. It’s been a minute. My acting teacher told us to just focus on the callbacks. But getting callbacks is not getting a part. The last role I had was a space pirate in a Star Warsy kind of play. It was at an art gallery in Long Island City. I was fighting an evil race of aliens on a zombified planet, but I’d actually been hit by a train and was in a simulation to keep my brain active. It was every Halloween costume that I ever wanted to be, but I only made enough money to buy myself dinner. Do I choose more stability and less joy? Maybe I could find a job that has one element I enjoy, like Human Resources at Wells Fargo. Overall it would suck but at least I’d get to help people. Sure I’d spend six hours being upset, but at least I could help Jane with her issue.”

“He’s had problems with speech since he was two years old. Even...

“He’s had problems with speech since he was two years old. Even as a baby he would get frustrated when he couldn’t express himself. He’d scream. He’d clench his fists. He still occasionally has trouble knowing what he wants. Sometimes I can calm him down with words. Other times it just makes things worse, and I’m better off doing nothing at all. It’s a challenge every day. It’s especially tough in public because it seems like you have no control. You can feel people looking at you. And you feel judged, judged, judged. But every child is so different. Nobody understands your situation. And they don’t know your story.”

“I tell my students things that only the Master of The Universe...

“I tell my students things that only the Master of The Universe could know. I tell them that if they choose a certain path, they can be sure of success. At times I’ve convinced them that certain assignments will make or break their future. For a middle school to work, you have to impart a sense of urgency. You have to make them believe these things. Time may not be as important as we say it is, but it’s more important than they think it is. I teach in one of the most underprivileged neighborhoods in the city. And it’s almost too late to change their course when I get them. By seventh grade, the engine is almost finished, and you’re just adding the windows and tires.”

“There was never any joy in it. I practiced every day since I...

“There was never any joy in it. I practiced every day since I was four years old. I was just afraid of what would happen if I stopped. My father was a ‘rageaholic.’ Even our piano playing came from a place of hate. He wanted to humiliate his colleagues and prove that his children were superior. He was a hematologist. He was respected in his field. His only friends were his colleagues. Occasionally he’d have them over to dinner. Or more accurately, they’d invite him first and he’d feel the need to reciprocate. Those dinners were an escape for my sister and me. He’d never act out his worst stuff in front of other people. I think the other doctors could sense something was wrong, but nobody ever pulled me aside. It felt like I was trapped in a castle with an evil king and queen and nobody was allowed inside. People did come in, of course. But they would never meddle. They were his guests and it’s not polite.”

“Fifth grade graduation is in two weeks. I’m going to miss my...

“Fifth grade graduation is in two weeks. I’m going to miss my teachers, lunch, recess, and my counselor Meghan. She’s a kind-hearted person that doesn’t give up on you. The first time I met Meghan was in third grade when I got really mad at one of my teachers who was being mean because of something called tenure. I punched the wall so hard that I got scars on my knuckles. I was sent to Meghan’s office and I talked to her for like two hours. I told her about the whole first half of the year. She didn’t even fidget when she was listening. Now we meet once a week. We always work on being empathetic. Empathy was my big thing during fourth and fifth grade.”

“I was eating, sleeping, and shitting libraries. My life was...

“I was eating, sleeping, and shitting libraries. My life was becoming a little one note. All my friends were librarians. My social life consisted of professional development conferences. I needed another source of inspiration. So I started writing comic book reviews online. I built up a nice little portfolio. One of my reviews was actually quoted on the back of a comic book. Another one got copied and pasted into a marketing email. They spelled my name wrong but it still felt great. I haven’t made any money yet, but you can’t put a price tag on this. I’m writing all the time. I’m engaging a part of brain that was being ignored. Two years ago I just worked in library sales. Now I’ve got a press pass to Comic Con.”