Kade Boehme's Blog, page 6

'Chasing the Rainbow' Surprise Snippet Saturday #1

Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay! Time to start giving you guys some Chasing the Rainbow  love since Jody and Bobby's story comes out super soon. We're just a couple weeks away! I set out to write a short, sweet book. I got a little carried away with Bobby being an idiot, but for me it's pretty sugary. Hope you guys don't mind me taking a cutesy break.

SO today I'm giving a surprise Snippet Saturday. It's from the beginning of the book. Jody Olsen had a very brief marriage to a girl he dated in college. VERY brief. Jody's ex, Angelina, was BFFs with the ex wife. Well, by a bit of kismet, Jody saw Bobby at a going away party for Angelina some 5 years later and our story kinda kicks off. This is the scene where Bobby's sought Jody out for the first time since their first re-encounter at the party. Jody's on break at a coffee/book store he works at. So ... here goes...

“They pay you to read the books or what?” Bobby teased. Jody’s heart fluttered in his chest, much to his chagrin.            “Uh, hey.” Be cool. “What’re you doing here?” Of course, that was a dumb question. Bobby’s left hand held a Frappuccino, which was entirely incongruous with his tough guy looks. Of course, in response, Bobby shook said Frappuccino, smirking.            “Right,” Jody said. “Like our fraps?”            “They’re the best,” Bobby confirmed, suckling on his straw. Fuck, the way his adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed, the way he licked the white drink left behind by the straw—Jody’s pants were suddenly not as comfortable as they’d been five seconds ago.            “Uh. Awesome,” Jody squeaked. He wasn’t proud of how high his voice had just registered. Bobby’s gaze roamed Jody’s face, assessing same as the other day when he’d given Jody a ride to the subway station. Do not think about riding, don’t even think the word.            Thankfully, Bobby didn’t comment. But his eyes did flicker when he noticed the cover of Jody’s book—the one with two very shirtless men. Jody knew he blushed then. But he wasn’t ashamed, he wasn’t going to hide something Bobby would already know. It was bound to be awkward for Bobby having his first true evidence of Jody’s gayness in his face. But Jody hadn’t looked back once since he’d come out, wouldn’t start today. Even if he’d hate to see disgust on that handsome face.            “You like working here?” Bobby asked.             Jody blinked, surprised by how easily Bobby went on with regular converstion. He felt kind of bad for having expected Bobby to be a jerk. “Yes. It’s not so bad. Much more laid back that working a corporate gig.”            “I’ll bet.” Bobby’s expression grew wistful as he surveyed the store. “I’d love being surrounded by books all day.”            Jody frowned, feeling like a jerk again for his assumption that wouldn’t be something Bobby G was into. They guy had said he liked books the other day, and if Jody was remember correctly, Bobby was the only of his brothers to have gone to college.             Bobby laughed. “It’s okay, I get that a lot.”            Jody blanched. “What? I didn’t— ”            “You did, but it’s okay. I suppose dressed like this—” Bobby waved his hands up and down, indicating his dusty Penn State t-shirt and holey jeans. “—one doesn’t automatically assume I’m a scholar.”            “No. It’s not that. I actually don’t even know you that well so it was rude.”            “Ah, but we all judge books by their covers, right?”            It was Jody’s turn to study Bobby carefully. He wasn’t entirely sure what Bobby meant. He’d spoken plainly, but that seemed to mean something more than he’d actually expressed, heavier.            “I guess,” Jody said.            Bobby smiled kindly, his eyes crinkling in the corner. Those brown eyes were full of good humor, displaying lines of a million smiles. Not many people made aging look quite as nice as Bobby Gugino was managing. Because he’s so much older than you.            Bobby rose to standing, dropping a heavy pat on Jody’s shoulder, a showing of fondness Jody was surprised by. “I’ll get out of your hair. Just thought I’d say ‘hi’.” He winked, leaving Jody with the understanding he’d followed his instructions. How many people actually did stop by to say hi when you told them to?            He wasn’t getting his hopes up, though. He knew Bobby and his girl had been together for a long time even back when he was with Izzy. Bobby was probably just being nice.            Jody’s dick was annoyed with his dismissal of the option of Bobby as a prospect. He watched the guy’s wide shoulders, wishing he could run a hand over them, as Bobby walked away and out the front doors, into the crowd of pedestrians wandering hither and thither.            He shook his head, feeling silly, and returned to reading his book. At least there, the straight guy turned out to be the Prince Charming the other man hoped for.

That's it! Yes, gay romance has a kind of a minor role in the story. It's one of Jody's pastimes. ;)

I'll have the official blurb up soon. [UPDATE: blurb has been added to the GoodReads page, linked below] Stay tuned for more snippets and giveaways!

Until next time.
<3kaderade


 Chasing the RainbowComing May 25GoodReads

It's Just a #TeamBottom Thing [NSFW]

This post has gratuitous ass pics, just because. So NSFW.
 

Here I go again. Rambling, maybe ranting some, but trying to answer a question I've gotten a few times in the last several days and this was the best way I could think to do it. I always did prefer just being on record... "I blogged about it...go look it up" is the most succinct answer ever haha.



I posted a video about the inappropriate questions straight people tend to ask gay people. After that, an interesting convo happened... Let me ramble and make my way there.

Whether you're at a friend's hen night or chilling at a new gay club in Hell's Kitchen, you more often than not find yourself answering the inevitable question: so, are you a top or a bottom? Uh.... And if you're with your boyfriend, they'll drop the "so if you're the bottom, you're like...the woman right?" (and I think MAYBE they ask the former question, thinking it's more polite than the latter. It isn't.) I've actually typically dated guys who are good at stopping them and calling them out on that last question.

So before I answer those—because they fit into the context of the conversation I originally mentioned—I'll tell you how the whole conversation started. A friend text messaged me:

You were on FB blasting people for it not being their business,  but on your twitter your bio says #TeamBottom. Is that not contradictory? 
Since she wasn't the first or last to ask me a variation of that, especially after my rant on it not being people's fucking business, I thought I'd answer. Long and short? No.

And I'll explain.

I stand by the fact, it really is NOT your business. Now, another gay man can ask me all day, because he has a vested interest in whether I'm top/bottom/vers, because he would obviously have a chance at hooking up with me. You with your vagina, have not a chance; straight boy with your gawking are just making things awkward. Stop.

But then why be so open? Why #TeamBottom?

Because of the second question, the one in the second paragraph—the inevitable followup regarding my (or any other bottom) being the "woman" or "bitch" in the relationship. THAT's why I #TeamBottom. It's also why I'm pretty cavalier in bringing it up as a preference, usually making it a bit of a joke. A) It makes me less uncomfortable to just answer you like it's so funny when really I'm cringing inside from you having asked what I like sexually, in the first place; and B) I'm trying to take away a little of the stigma.

No matter how far we advance in our understanding of human anatomy, erogenous zones, and  human sexuality there's still such a negative connotation that comes with being a bottom. Bottoms are always thought of as The Woman. Bottoms are less than, willing to play catamite to the fierce and proud Top.

I find this true across society, the sexually receptive partner being considered the weaker or fairer. So I'm utterly shocked to find such a large faction of women, even ones who read M/M or have many gay friends, have the same mindset. But then again, gay culture is as Top Centric as society is Patriarchal so why wouldn't they?

I don't know about you... But I discovered 'pussy power' long ago (no gold star jokes here... and dear heavens don't ever call it a 'boy pussy', please). Surely, you can agree that plenty of people know they are the purveyors of pleasure and know that that comes with a certain amount of 'power'. I don't mean it in a negative, I lead my man around by his dick way, but in a way I guess it is that a little. If you have a good man, his respecting your right to say no is not only a good sign of your mutual respect, but shows how he treasures what you may or may not do for him in bed. So, there's nothing weak about being receptive, whether you're male or female. In fact, I tend to know more couples in which the women are the
more dominant in their every day life. I've never been one for dating guys with a major "alpha" complex. My personality is pretty loud, so I usually lead outside the bedroom.

But... ask anyone and they think we all want the Alpha Male. And what's sexier in a book than two Alpha Men who never bottom, but after a battle of wills, one bottoms... Because he's been shamed into bottoming by losing. SMH. If you don't get the latent homophobia in that, you're pretty dense. There's also the books I'll read reviews for and I'll see things like "I wish this character hadn't been so femme." That statement alone astounds me, but then I read the book and realize the character was never so much "effeminate" as he was a shamelessly wanton bottom-boy, otherwise he was no more so or less butch/whatever than the Toppy McTopperson top-man. And there you have it. Bottom boy, top man. So a bottom will grow up to be a top? Twink to bear? PUH-leeze. I've seen some big, bad, biker looking mother fuckers whose flame registers on the Kelvin scale, while seeing small, twinky pocket gays whose dick has been in more boys than ... well... You get the point.

Hell, even if you look to the BDSM community.. You think there aren't "Sirs" who are just power bottoms, but they still are the dominant in the relationship? I get that, thanks to Western Judeo-Christian society, with it's Puritanical and Victorian hang ups, still think a woman is subserviant to her man, should stay home and raise the cildren, etc... But you can not prescribe that to a gay relationship. It just... isn't possible. Yes, there may be a more dominant personality, or I've seen couples who were totally equal. But I'll digress.

And finally, one that chafes so much, in gay culture, the Tops are treated like all other insertive partners, like the prize bull. He's the Prince Charming to my Cinderfella. And he's SO popular cuz he knows how to sling his dick, meanwhile I'm thought to probably be a disease ridden trollop because I've had sex with more than two of the men in the room—my two to his eight. Because being a top is "verile". He's spreading that seed, even if it's fruitless. Boys will be boys and bottoms will be sissies.

Hell, you'd think we'd get a little more respect with all the shit (no pun intended) we go through to make sure it's a ... welcoming experience for our toply suitors. Just sayin'. 

So yeah, I #TeamBottom because I'm not a slut, even when it's one of those things some people like to spread at a convention like it's 9th grade (though if I were to talk about a woman's expression of her sexuality, I'd be called a slut shamer........ Bottom shaming is cool, though? Cool. Noted.); I'm not weak or less of man, nor am I waiting for my big, strapping, manly man to come save me and protect me. It's cute in fairy tales, but honey, if you know me you know I'm not exactly one to sit down and take some assholes rules and controlling BS.

I #TeamBottom, because even if it's uncomfortable to talk about my sex life, I want you to think twice when you think less of me for admitting it, think about your own prejudices and where you picked that up, because reading gay fiction, being an ally, being the best straight-dude friend ever, does not magically make you immune to latent homophobia.




I #TeamBottom because I am NOT less.

<3kaderade

PS: Oh, and a final note, because she ended her convo with this statement as well... "For someone so team bottom, you sure are all about asses." My response? "For someone whose vagina literally can't fuck one, you sure are all about asses."

***I do not claim to be the authority, here. Some gay men may be shaking their heads right now, so if they want to post otherwise, go ahead.***

Cover Reveal: Chasing the Rainbow

Hey guys!

Surprise! Got all my scheduling stuff worked out, and though some things had to be shuffled, I finally have a release coming up for the summer! Thank everyone so much for bearing with me. I'm so stoked. I've got some cover art from the FABULOUS Reese Dante as well as ... well, it's more tag-line/teaser than blurb, but it's the gist, and I thought I'd share as a "thank you for the patience" as well as a "YAY! It's Rainbow Book Fair weekend in New York City!" I'll post something about RBF after the weekend, which promises to be a fabulous good time. But this post is all about Chasing the Rainbow.

Here we go!

“Oh, Jody," Bobby said on a sigh, "How could I not have told you I’ve fallen for you?  It’s like since I realized that I was gay, since I really just accepted it and started being… well, gay, I guess it’s like I wasn’t so much chasing my youth as I was chasing this rainbow. And everyone saw it.  This huge part of me as a person was unlocked. I wanted to squeeze so much rainbow the fucking skittles popped out" 

Chasing the Rainbowby Kade Boehme
COMING MAY 2015

Two New York City divorcees; one with his nose in romance novels and his heart in the clouds, the other chasing a missed youth and trying to find his place in the big gay world that Catholic guilt kept him from. 
What could go wrong?

<3 YAY! Hope you all love it as much as I do. Jody and Bobby have just been such fabulous characters to get to know and I love how Reese brought them to life.
Have a wonderful weeked! We'll get started on those Seven Sentence Sundays soon!
<3kaderade

 

A Little Catharsis

  "Don't look back. You're not going that way."



I overwhelmed myself. I'm sometimes bad at realizing things a little late, so when it dawns on me how much has occurred I'll go and try to take it all in at once. Sometimes, it's good, it makes me feel awesome and lifts me up. Sometimes, it drives me crazy and I feel like someone dropped me in the forest, took away all forms of navigation, and told me to find my own way back. Then sometimes, I'm just... Overwhelmed. It looks much like being lost, but in this instance, I'm uplifted. But it brings up so many thoughts at once—which is probably why this is going to sound like a lot of rambling. Please excuse this walk down memory lane...

I see the quotes from the Attorney General "Being gay is not a disorder. Being transgender is not a malady that requires a cure. Had I been Leelah Alcorn's physician, I would have told her exactly that. And that's the message I want other doctors, nurses, health professionals, and public health leaders to help get out to parents and children who may be confronting these issues."

And our president. “Every single American — gay, straight, lesbian, bisexual, transgender — every single American deserves to be treated equally in the eyes of the law and in the eyes of our society. It’s a pretty simple proposition.”

They're standing up. In the capitol, in the White House, on television. And people are listening. The quotes got to me because it was that moment, like many others in my life, where the sheer gravity of the moment dropped me on my ass. I started looking back over just the 9 years since I graduated High School in 2006 and can't get over the changes, the fucking tidal wave over even just the last 5 years. And I can't really catch my breath, today.

When I was 7 or 8 years old, I had a best friend named Caleb. I thought that guy just hung the effing moon. But I also thought he was the prettiest thing I'd ever seen (to this day, I realize I still have that same type: curly hair, olive skin, goofy smile...er, but I obviously prefer it in the post-pubescent, adult male form, these days haha). I mean, of course I had girl friends I adored. I remember Jordan in first grade. We were pretty inseparable. I only really remember that she sucked her thumb, a lot. I never remember thinking of any of them LIKE THAT, though. Never did I just want to sit and stare at them like I could have with Caleb.

In those same years, I one day was watching television with the daughter of my Dad's girlfriend—April. She had an older brother that I thought was the bees knees, as well, but I digress. I guess it's the first time I remember being embarrassed that I thought of boys LIKE THAT. We were watching Home Improvement and Jonathan Taylor Thomas was on, of course. Well, April said he was sooo cute and me being the enthusiastic, perky little fucker I've always been, readily agreed. "Yeah, he's really cute," I said. April stopped and looked at me all weird and said "Ew. Boys don't say other boys are cute."

I was so embarrassed, which I guess is why that memory stuck so well. She seemed genuinely grossed out that I'd said it. Some of that could be because she was a typical 9 year old, but hey, it was the Southeast, circa 1995. It wasn't that people were openly disgusted by gay people, it's that we literally never spoke about them. But obviously some people's parents did, because when I was hanging out with another one of those boys I thought was cute (and he was my bad boy hero: we cussed, broke into shit, went further down the block to play than we were allowed)... He got annoyed because when his mom was babysitting me, I was trying to talk to him when he was in the bath tub. Yes, I was 8, so sue me, I didn't know better. He was like "What are you queer?" Again, mortified.

 In 4th grade, I only knew that the word "gay" was an insult, so when my teacher said something about Bill Clinton and my friend said Bill Clinton was "gay", I laughed. We were dressed down by our teacher, who said "Do you know what gay means?" And she went on to tell us it mean "Happy. It means people who love each other." She was in her 60s and, again, this was the South, so I find myself still a bit shocked she took us to task like that, but again, I was so embarrassed it stayed with me.

Ay, then that year, there was Jay. We were in the same grade but he was tall and blond and he did horse shows. God. I loved that guy. Still, though, at that age it's just so... Innocent. But of course, I knew boys didn't say they liked boys and we'd just started getting to the age where I heard things from other guys about ME being gay. I was mortified. If being gay was bad to them and they were saying I was gay, what the hell? And I surely wasn't going to talk to my parents about it. It wasn't something I'd ever heard about at home. My Aunt would say things about "queers" (a favorite of my dad's. I still shudder more at that word than I ever will at the word 'faggot'). But, there was NOTHING different about me. So what I didn't like girls... i just didnt' realize I was supposed to. It never dawned on me. Not once. I had "girlfriends" because in 5th and 6th grade that's what you do... But, I didn't know WHAT that mean other than asking "do you want to be my girlfriend?"

It was about the age of 12 when I got it, though. I remember watching the movie Center Stage (still one of my faves), sitting on the couch with my mother. I was watching the guys SO HARD. Loved their tights and those asses. I was enraptured. Well, there was a gay character and for the first time someone SAID what gay really was. And I remember saying to myself, "Oh, shit." I was... That. No one in my life had ever said the words, in our bubble of church (no, even my pastor never railed against homos because, certainly, not in my quaint home town could there ever be a homosexual in our midst.)

But still, the sexual connotation, that link to WHY one would be gay. But isn't that what people forget about being gay? It's not JUST sex. It's those head in the clouds, innocent, butterflies in the tummy moments. So what? I liked looking at Kyle's ass in gym class (Still one of the most legendary set of cakes I've ever seen. J/s) And of course at 13, my father being a bit of a slacker at parental things, never had any convo with my about sex. Not once, not ever. I think maybe that, and the repressed attitude of my extended family—my cold, unaffectionate, old school grandparents—had me embarrassed to even ask about it. I mean, I come from the family where when I was 12, my aunt said I was too old to be so demonstrative with my 9 year old female cousin who'd been my best friend my whole life... I think that's when I just stopped hugging anyone, altogether. Shamed the hugging right out of me, haha.

So, we got the fancy AOL dial-up on our Windows 98 and in the dead of night, I'd slip into the computer room, like any curious kid, and I'd look at the most innocuous things. Never once did porn even dawn on me. I was really completely naive about sex, not even masturbation was something I got until it happened on accident. Again, we just didn't talk about it. Well one of my favorite hobbies was typing in random web addressed... again, being completely naive, when I typed in boys.com (I'm sure it's nothing like it was in 1999) bam, up popped gay porn. Again, I was mortified. I closed it, I ran out of the room.

But I came back the next night.

And the next.

Yes, I looked up girl porn too, but the only fascinating thing was I'd never seen anyone in a sexual way. That vagina on that girl was ... Surprising. Haha. But every time I clicked back over to those boys, I guess it just... Made sense. Like "okay, so if I like boys, then this is what boys do together." I didn't GET that it was wrong. I didn't GET people wouldn't approve. I knew I'd be in trouble for looking at porn but I hadn't connected the sheer meanness of things like "queer" and "fag" to mean ME because I'd NEVER done anything to deserve meanness. I was talkative, sure, but I was a straight-A kid, I was polite and respectful and wore khakis and turtlenecks that my grandmother gave me for christmas. I loved going to Vacation Bible School during the summer, I loved helping my grandfather with the horses. So a total dweeb, yes, but "queer". Why would someone be that mean to ME?

I sometimes wonder, if I'd not realized then that two guys could be together like that if I'd have made some weird fumbling decisions with some girls. But it's like after that, what was the need? It's who I was. I'd not really ever been any different. I'd always thought boys were cute and the anti-climax of realizing there was a word and an action to consummate that... was just that—anti-climactic.

So I got on some websites, gathering my courage to look up words like "Gay" etc. I found some great stuff, and discovered the chatrooms at Yahoo. I found livejournal.

I e-mailed my mother.

Ay dios mio. Yes, I know that wasn't the classiest way to do it, but I was 14 so a little slack, please.

They showed up to pick me up from the Back Yard Bible Club I was helping my aunt with. (Same aunt with the hugging, and yes this was like Vacation Bible School, only in the back yard...) That car ride, I was SHAKING. That's when I got the first real run down on exactly how they felt about it. My dad was "queer this" and "queer that", my mom said it was a phase. "Someone told you what to write in that e-mail." (Not really, I've just always been decent at writing out my feelings, even if I SUCK at saying them). So the internet was cut off, we started going to church more when the doors were open, and we... Never spoke of it again.

But I knew the score. That was it. Eventually they turned the internet back on. "You can't ruin this for everyone." So I learned how to clear browser history, I talked to my online friends. And I was SO jealous. Some of them came out and it went well, some of them lived in bigger cities so even if they weren't out, they could meet other gay kids.



I'd have settled for a GBF, but there's nothing quite so lonely as living in the middle of nowhere and the only gay kid near you is just as scared as you about even attempting to talk because... There's so much to lose. It's lonely. It's scary. At fifteen, wanting nothing more than... a hug from someone who knows. I would have killed for a "boyfriend." That was a physical ache. But I didn't know any gay boys. I had plenty of guys in school I crushed on, but the way they treated the one openly gay kid...

The way I treated him.


Then I switched schools and they were... worse. There was a don't ask, don't tell thing at my old school, though I'd told a couple of friends our sophomore year. But the new school. These kids were brutal. I'd never been treated that harshly, always got along with everyone at my old school. It was a DAILY struggle. It wasn't always the bullying so much as being so different from all of them. But that set me aside enough. First time I'd ever been called a faggot happened at that school. And I lost my shit. I started having panic attacks and my depression was... intense. My mom thought I wasn't giving the school or the kids a chance, thought I was just pissed she'd moved us 100 miles. Of course, some of it was that. I was a teenager, after all. But I couldn't tell her WHY they hated me. We didn't talk about that other than when I listened to my mom say how gay marriage wasn't right, my dad seemed to actively talk shit about gay people. Probably to remind me to stay in line.


  I'd never felt so fucking alone. So I would stay up ALL night on my computer, online talking to friends who honestly saved me. But, in all this, I'll say... I never wavered. I knew I was gay. It hadn't been a big deal, an intrinsic part of who I was, no matter what people said about someone recruiting me. I knew it, I always had just... liked boys LIKE THAT. Even before I knew there was a word for being LIKE THAT. I can remember. Every butterfly in my stomach when Caleb was around or when I watched Jay ride his horse. Who the fuck could have recruited me when I knew not ONE gay person until well after I'd come out... And it had never been spoken of again. The only gays I ever spoke to were MY AGE. No adult telling me "being gay is okay", just a bunch of kids hiding online, thinking we'd never EVER be able to be out or have someone to hold hands with like in the pictures in XY Magazine.

Well. It finally happened, though. My dad found porn. Aside from my mom asking me once if I ever "felt like that" I'd not really been questioned. To say my dad lost his mind was an understatement. The ultimatum from my family was "You stay here, you pay rent, you go to school, then work, you go to therapy." My grandmother, in the few times I've spoken to her in the 9 years since, still says I should stop being promiscuous and go to her friends "who help with things like this."

So my option was keep them, the repressed, unkind people they were, or for the first time ever just... Be gay. Not "bi" like I'd told my friends at first, not hiding on the internet. I couldn't. Not one more minute.

So I left. Whether this was being kicked out or not seems to be a cause of debate between me and some, these days, but regardless... What was the option? I was told "well you didn't talk to us". What could I have talked about? I was 14. I didn't even get the sex talk... Why would I come to them AFTER they'd said "no, you're just going through a phase. Gay people just try to recruit, they'll say anything." If there's a stereotypical response, I got them all. Twice.

Then I fell in love with a boy, in college. Goodness, first love. We even lived together for a couple of years. But even that was a battle. He wasn't out, he wanted to have sex with the girls we were friends with, broke my heart a few times, thought butt sex was gross... But he still showed up in my dorm room every night. But when his parents found out (his mom read a notebook I'd left at her house) shit hit the fan. And I'll never forget talking to him on the phone about just LEAVING, "you're old enough." (We were 20) The scariest thing ever was that moment when I heard him just... giving up. He, who was home schooled, who went to church more than me growing up, whose mother talked about "church family this" and "church family that" and had panic attacks whenever he left... The pressure made him lose his grip.

He got out. He's actually with a really great guy these days—though, his parents aren't thrilled the guy is black, but that's a whole other thing.

I realized, though, I'd lost my grip like that once. Why was it a prerequisite to being an out-and-proud adult to lose family, respect (even thought you'd been a model kid your whole life), and coming THAT close to drowning yourself. I still am haunted by how desolate I once felt, haunted by how empty Will sounded that summer. I feel it in every time a kid comes out and has a similar story, and I hate that my story isn't that unique.

I hate that something I never struggled with or had a problem with in myself was tainted and sullied by the people who were supposed to love me unconditionally. But I'm not the only one. And that... Kills me. Knowing other kids have felt that, met that prerequisite, are meeting it as I type this.

I can't walk in the Ali Forney center, run into a homeless kid without feeling that place in me that SOMEONE ELSE broke. I never needed or wanted fixing, but I know so many who did and tried, or whose parents tried. Maybe I was just lucky I'm such a headstrong bitch and knew that there was no point, having the moral compass to say "i'm not gonna hurt some girl I love because I try to pretend to love her, for acceptance."

But that place, the one that's empty... Realizing today that all these things are going SO right... That place got a little fuller. Like, there's some patching up happening.

It's in the words and the votes of people and in the fact I'm an openly gay 20-something who makes money writing about 2 boys falling in love. I'm accepted and loved by so many people and that realization still blindsides me every once in a while. And I just want to do it for other people, another kid who never found anything wrong with himself, but that the world keeps telling is broken. I mean, my mom came around after 8 years of estrangement. Anything is possible, right?

We're not really broken, any of us. Just different. We have flaws and we're all a bit "off", but we're all so perfect in our own way. I guess I still have to tell myself this. Which is why all this change, this move toward Equality—a movement I didn't think I'd see in my lifetime—has me on my fucking knees today. I'm overwhelmed, my feeling just... Everywhere. I'm so sad for the kid I once was who was so alone for so long, sad for the man I grew into who just accepts the solitude (though, I'm happy with it... I've been loved well.) And I hope we all can change even ONE person's mind, help one person understand their kid isn't wrong, their kid is not different or broken or against God.

But that's the best of all... moments like these— like waiting for the supreme court to hear about gay marriage, seeing the backlash against the laws in Indiana, seeing something as simple as openly gay men and women win Emmy awards— remind me why I never really slid off into the abyss.

I had hope. Always hope.

And for me, for you, for the anyone who needs it...

 I'm going to keep on hoping.

'Chance of the Heart' Snippet & Giveaway

Hey guys! ALMOST TIME! I'm dying for you all to read Chance of the Heart., releasing Monday, January 26. So much going on right now I wanted to make sure to get in an extra snippet and a giveaway!

So I'll get right to it. In the excerpt below, our boys went on a trail ride after a long day of crunching numbers. It'd been Bradley's first time in the saddle since he'd returned home, and in more than five years.




“I missed this.”
“Mis’t wah?” Chance responded, mouth full. Bradley chuckled.
“This. It’s nice being in a town with more than a couple thousand people, but I forget how calming it is to be out here.”
“Yeah.” Chance’s voice was almost reverent as his eyes looked out over the land. “It is nice ain’t it.”
“I guess you get so wrapped up in making money and going out, you forget how nice a simple day on the trails can be.”
“Did you enjoy college?” Chance asked, offering the bowl of blueberries and sliced strawberries.
Bradley took a strawberry and popped it in his mouth before answering. How did he answer without seeming like he was making a veiled statement about Chance’s own situation. But all he could say was the truth. “Yes. I loved it. It was hard after the thing with my dad, but there was nothing like standing on my own two feet, figuring out who I was and what I wanted from life without the pressure of people looking over my shoulders. At school, no one knew I was heir apparent to The Good Reverend.
“Most of the people I graduated with from Hope Springs have kids and a mortgage, had one well before me. But I just… wanted more. I was never going to take over my dad’s church and the ranch was never a functioning ranch, mostly just to show off Dad’s wealth.”
He glanced at Chance who was gazing somberly over the distance. “Must be nice not to have had it all planned out for you.”
Bradley huffed. “Oh, they all assumed I’d come back to Blessed Union. But I think my sister and I were behind the scenes as it was built, saw the hot air that went into being The Reverend Gerald Heart, Captain and Commander of Heart of the Heartland Ministries. It was all so much more bluster and profiteering than it was actual faith.”
Chance looked startled. Bradley had forgotten that was another way they’d known each other, Chance’s parents being Members, Chance probably having been baptized there. Bradley amended, “No, I don’t mean he doesn’t believe. He definitely believes in the things he says. Unfortunately, he went from pure faith to believing his own hype. So watching that kind of de-railed mine and Heather’s faith.”
“I guess I never really thought about it.”
“Sorry, I know you probably still attend services.”
“Only every once in a while. Not like any one notices anyways since there’s about two thousand people and all.”
“True. Anyways, yeah. College was good. I liked it. I made some dumb decisions. First and foremost being dating about a dozen losers. But I feel like I’m better for it.” Chance grunted.
“You know I’m not… Chance I don’t think you have to date a million people. Look at all the people around here who’ve done just fine with the same way of life that’s been Hope Springs since it was founded.”
“I know. I didn’t think you were going on about me. Although, it does speak to my situation.”
Bradley felt he had a much better grasp of Chance’s “situation” after today. It answered so many questions as to why the guy seemed like he’d lived in a bubble. And that’s because he had. Yes, he’d gone to public school. But his friends were all like-minded. His dad had kept him on a tight leash. He hadn’t done more than a couple years of community college and now, knowing he’d saved every penny by barely ever leaving the ranch, Bradley ached for the guy. But it was Chance’s life. And a good friend would let him figure out what to do on his own.
“So why aren’t you going ahead with the restaurant? I’ve not seen you that excited about anything. Ever.” Okay, so the guy could figure it out on his own, but a good friend could nudge a little here and there.
Chance’s sigh carried on the wind, sadly. “It’s not like I’d get to enjoy it. The point of having the restaurant would be being able to cook there. But all my time goes into this land.”
“But you love cooking.”
“And I love my family.” Touché.
“But they love you too. They’d want you to be happy. You love horses and the ranch, I know, but it seems more like a hobby.”
“You don’t get it,” Chance snapped.
“I guess I don’t,” Bradley responded, primly. He didn’t know why he’d pushed. Way to nudge asshole.
“Sorry,” Chance said, deflated. Bradley didn’t want to say anything else. It looked like Chance was on the verge of speaking again and Bradley didn’t know what to say. He’d been having such a good time. He hadn’t meant to ruin it.
“Becket son after son has taken the reins of Red River since my great-grandfather bought the land right after he finished fighting in World War I. I didn’t meet the man but his legacy is the family pride,” Chance said. He’d jumped up and paced a couple times, not looking at Bradley.
“But it didn't take long for the idea of being stuck right here for the rest of my life to make my collar feel tight like a noose. I don't know what point it’d started but definitely over the last year or so. If I'm honest, it was probably about the time the legal papers had been drawn up naming me sole owner of the actual ranch and its lands, when my parents pass on. My brother will just be a minority profit sharer. I first felt a moment of 'oh shit' when Daddy signed on the dotted lines. Hell, Caitlin was surprised when I didn’t invite her to the party celebrating the change and my brother’s first year of success at his own ranch. I told her it was a small party, but mostly it was because I didn’t much feel like celebrating. That's when the worst three words popped in my head for the first time in my life and took over every other waking thought.”
Bradley wanted to offer some comfort, but what could you say? You could tell someone over and over to take the reins back. But he grew up here, too. It just wasn’t done. He’d only severed the ties by coming out. And Chance was nowhere near doing that. Maybe in a couple years he’d be there, he was definitely chafing enough to do it. But by then his parents would see him married off with a kid on the way.
“What three words?”
Chance finally looked at him, his tone forlorn as he said, “Is this enough?”
Bradley shuddered. He ached for Chance but there were no words. Chance was trapped in an ages old dilemma and because he probably was behind most in world experience, he’d have to figure it out.



Alright guys, that's it for the snippet. Now, time for the giveaway!

It's a rafflecopter so it's as simple as retweeting and commenting on this post. The giveaway has already started and runs until midnight on the 25th so everyone gets an e-mail with their copy of Chance of the Heart bright and early on the 26th. The winner of the signed paperback will get info in their e-mail that day as well. So here's the prizes:


Chance of the Heart Giveaway 1 winner receives a signed paperback copy of CotH as well as an eBook copy on release day, and choice of backlist title eBook 2 winners receive eBook copies of CotH on release days as well aschoice of any backlist title eBook 3 winners receive any backlist title eBook

a Rafflecopter giveaway


Good luck guys!
<3kaderade


Chance of the Heart  by Kade BoehmeComing January 26!Add on GoodReads

'Chance of the Heart' official Excerpt

Hey guys! Got the official excerpt for my first solo project in a good while, Chance of the Heart, coming January 26.





Chapter One

The most asinine idea one person ever conceived. Chance Becket’s sour mood had finally lifted, he’d forgotten all about Caitlin’s stupid idea. That is, until damned David brought it up. He couldn’t believe Caitlin had opened her big mouth to David’s wife Jeri. He supposed that wasn’t fair since they’d all been best friends since they were knee-high to a grasshopper but he did not need this. Not now. He’d managed to not bring it up in the six weeks since she’d gone back to school. And with foaling season he hadn’t had time to do anything anyway, too much work to do to even think about it.
“t’s just a little bump in the road, man. She said it was just while she was busy this last semester. Why’re you being so sour about it?” David wouldn’t drop it. With a put upon sigh, Chance put down the hammer he’d been using to replace a dry-rotted plank on the fencing. He knew better than to keep ignoring David Singleton. You weren’t friends as long as they’d been without knowing what he would and wouldn’t bother you with until you spilled the beans.
“It’s not even a break. I think y’all misunderstood.”
David’s head snapped back. “Surely, you didn’t split up.”
Chance stood from his squatting position, feeling his knees pop like he was much older than his twenty-three years. He hated talking shit through, didn’t need nobody picking through his thoughts or feelings. He was a good boy, simple. He worked hard, respected his Mama and Daddy, went to church on Sundays, had been faithful to Caitlin, and saved up money to provide for his future family. He did what was expected without complaint, because what more was there than to hope for a good life, a little piece of this earth to call his own, and to help his family keep their ranch going as it had been for a couple generations, now.
“Naw. We didn’t do nothing of the sort.”
David looked confused. If only he knew the half of it. Chance was probably more confused than he’d ever been. There’d never been reason to question anything and he hated he was no. He’d had a set path, a goal since he was a small boy and thanks to one damn conversation, he was shaken to his core and couldn’t for the life of him figure out why.
“Well, how come she told Jeri she was cool with you seeing other people. Said we shouldn’t police you.”
“Y’all shouldn’t have ever policed me.”
“I didn’t! Can’t help that them women stick together like they do. Jeri’s best friend’s at college, so of course if she sees you trying to be a buckle bunny’s consolation prize it’s part of their Bro Code to tell each other,” David reasoned.
“What in the hell is a Bro Code? And anyway, it’s not like I go out none. I’ve never cheated.” Chance started gathering his tools, loading them on the back of his ATV.
David threw his hands up. “We know that. But she was saying that in particular, right now, Jeri wasn’t s’posed to keep an eye out if you were to go …  Y’no… doin’ your thing.”
Chance took his Stetson off where’s he’d hung it on the handlebars of the four-wheeler and placed it on his head. That was better. At least he didn’t have to squint to see his friend any more. “I don’t understand why she made it y’all’s business, but she thought maybe since we were probably getting engaged after she comes back, and she’s not gonna be coming home any since it’s her last semester, maybe she’d give me some sort of pass if I wanted to sow some wild oats or some nonsense.”
David laughed and patted Chance’s shoulder. “Is that what’s got your panties in a bunch? Damn boy. You’re the last single one of us all.” Which was true, they’d all paired up either in high school or right after. David and Jeri’s second kid was well on the way. Chance had always been secretly glad that Caitlin had gone off to college after she’d graduated.
Yeah, they knew they’d always end up married, probably living in a house on his Daddy’s land—there was enough of it for sure. But he’d been glad to have the time alone. He’d been in the same relationship since he was sixteen, and she fifteen. They’d been each others’ first everything. But marriage… sharing not just his space but his whole life with her. It’d been an overwhelming idea at eighteen when he’d just finally gotten his own space in the apartment he’d built himself over his parents’ three car garage.Now he supposed it was time. Which made him restless. That’d been why the whole conversation started.
“You’re restless. I’ve had time to figure out what I want. Now you should do the same. My course load is ridiculous this semester and I’m going to Mexico during spring break so… Take this time to yourself.” Chance just grunted in response which made Caitlin’s pretty face light up, smiling sweetly.
“Stubborn man. I’ll even give you one of those Free Passes. My friends did it before they got married. We don’t ask questions so if no one does anything it doesn’t matter, but if you did, it’s not our business. I’ve been at college having fun and you’ve been home. You don’t go out, you just work. Be a little crazy.”
“So you’ve slept with other people?” He asked, numbly.
“No!” She stopped twirling her curly black pony-tail and smacked his arm. 
“I would never.”
“You’re saying you want to sleep with somebody else.” Before she could say no he continued, “Or you think I’ve missed out not sleeping with somebody else.”
She placed a hand on his knee. “I’m not saying that. I’m just saying, make sure. We have a good six months before real life actually catches up with us. It’d be the first time we were ever on, like, a break. Make the most of it.”
And hadn’t that been a kick to the balls. It’s like as soon as she’d left, all these thoughts popped up. Thoughts that had been put away like last year’s Christmas tress, not needing to be brought out because it was Spring and he had summer and foaling season to think about. But it appeared Christmas had come early and the thought of that Christmas tree coming back out, made his belly rumble with nerves.
“You okay there?” David asked.
“Oh yeah,” he muttered. He picked up the last of the scraps of wood from the repairs and latched everything on the back of the ATV with bungee cords.
“I don’t know what there is to be upset about. She’s right. Even I had a couple girls before Jeri and I got together. You only been with her. Maybe it wouldn’t kill you to go knock some boots. Though, don’t tell my wife I said so.”
A couple girls before Jeri? That was an understatement. David had probably had half the varsity cheerleading squad. Chance didn’t get the fascination. Yeah, sex was good. Right? It was sex. But all the condoms and worrying about knocking somebody up. In eight years he could count on his fingers and toes the number of times they’d gone all the way. Now he was trying to get out of sleeping with someone else and he couldn’t decide if it was because he thought he shouldn’t or because he didn’t actually want to.And this is why he hated when things were uncertain.
David placed a hand on Chance’s shoulder as he went to start the four-wheeler, bringing him up short. “I’m done talking about this David.” He didn’t snap, Chance didn’t snap, but he used his Boss Voice.
David snorted. Of course, David was the one person on the whole damn Red River Ranch that voice didn’t work on. “I’m just saying, it’s a Friday. This is our last big weekend off for the month. Maybe take yourself up to Abernathy, go to the strip, have a few beers. See what happens. Call it your last hurrah. What could it hurt?”
“What am I gonna do around all them college kids?”
“Get drunk? It’s not like we’re much older than them. Wear somethin’ other than flannel and boots. Talk about poetry since you’re all sensitive and junk.” David was just being a dick now.
“I’m not sensitive,” Chance said, surliness infantile even to his own ears.
David nodded indulgently. “Whatever you say, Boss.”
Chance wasn’t going to continue with his friend about what sounded like the worst idea in the history of ever. Abernathy was a medium sized college town about an hour and a half from their little town of 1200. It was a good suggestion, more anonymous than the local bars. If Chance had been interested in that sort of thing. Which he wasn’t.

David opened his mouth to speak but Chance started the ATV up, cutting him off, and headed back toward the barns. He didn’t have any more time for this foolishness, and the horses weren’t going to water themselves.

***
Bradley Heart frowned at his phone as his ex-boyfriend’s third missed call in the last two hours popped up. Carson knew he was at work. What the hell was wrong with him. They’d not spoken in three weeks, since Carson collected his things from Bradley’s house. Today, of all days, was not the day to start with his usual mood swings.


Bradley dropped his phone on his desk, probably more forcefully than necessary, getting the attention of a few of the people in the open floor office around him. What he wouldn’t give for a cubicle right about then.


He clicked around his accounting program for one of their bigger clients, trying to get his head back in the game.


“Heart,” his immediate superior Tanya Bigbee said as she loomed over his desk. “Can we see you in Mr. Moore’s office.


Shit. He’d seen two other people go before him to the big boss’s lair so he was quite certain this wasn’t good news. There’s been whispers of layoffs after the Holiday season, but two weeks after Christmas. Really?


He nodded before standing and gathering his suit jacket, pulling it on and buttoning it as he followed her down the hall. He’d been dreading this, but fingers crossed he would be one of the few spared. His last few performance reviews had been exemplary, he’d been dealing with some of the biggest clients, even as one of the more junior accountants. Surely that counted for something.


As he walked out of Mr. Moore’s office, though, fifteen minutes later, he was caught between shocked and resigned. Three weeks and his entire division was “no longer necessary to the future business of the company.” There’d been talk of outsourcing for financial reasons and a promise of shining references, but he’d only caught about every third word after the axe had fallen on his career. Yes, he was young. Twenty-five was nowhere near too old to start over again. Hell, this had been his first job fresh out of college three years earlier.


That was little consolation. He ignored the apologetic glances of the coworkers who’d gone before him into the office, not in the mood to commiserate.


He plopped gracelessly in his desk chair and stared blankly at the screen. He’d been told he didn’t have to worry about the account he was working on now as it’d be passed on as one of their larger clients. “Wrap up the Michaels, ChumDum, and Liezel accounts in your final weeks. We appreciate your hard work.”


Hadn’t that been a kick to the balls. Fuck, he didn’t want to have to take his sister up on the ridiculous offer she’d made when he’d mentioned the original rumors of layoffs. He couldn’t even fathom going back to his father’s ranch, his father’s Church in Hope Springs. Hah! Hopeless Springs more like it. He’d not been back in at least six years and didn’t imagine his father was any sorrier than he was for it.


His phone rang again. Fucking Carson. Again. He snatched it up. “What?”


“You’re in a fine mood, lover,” Carson said drily.


“I’m at work.” Curt and to the point. He caught the disapproving glare Tanya was giving him from her desk across the room. But what could she do? Write him up? Fire him? Not like he was ever one to abuse the no-cell-phone policy. Fuck it.


“I was trying to lease an apartment at Centre Point.” How he would afford the nicer apartments across town, Bradley had no idea.


“And…”


“They’re the same leasing company as The Arms.”


“Again… And…”


“I need off your lease.”


Bradley sputtered. “Dude, you broke up with me. You said I could have these last two months. Can you not crash with your new guy a little longer. This is not exactly a good time.”


“Look, Brad. I know this sucks. But we’re trying to get a place and this is what we want. It’s a douch move—”


“No shit!”


“But… we can’t wait. His lease is up at the end of the month. They said you could just sign off this month and they’d use the deposit…”

“Now you want my half of the deposit too?” Bradley laughed, knowing he was about to become hysterical.


“Bradley…”


“No. You know what. Fuck it. Take the damn thing. Come tell me where I need to sign. Small price to pay to be finished with you finally.” He didn’t mean it. Yes, it’d be nice to be finished with the cheating bastard, but he really could use his half of the $1400 deposit now that he’d be out of work. And where he’d stay, he had no idea. Looks like— No! No, you will not go back.


“The manager said she’d fax you what you needed.” After getting the fax number and giving Carson a good old fuck off he ended the call. Best day ever.


He shot off a text to his best friend, Emma requesting a night out. He’d definitely need to forget this day, even if just for a few hours. He waited for her affirmative response, then put his phone away after Tanya cleared her throat for the third time.


The best part of living in a college town was the amount of bars with lots of pretty, cheap liquor. He’d definitely be taking advantage of that tonight. And maybe a hot piece of college ass. It’d definitely been long enough since he’d had some of that.



Thanks for reading guys! Stay tuned for snippet sundays!

Chance of the Heart by Kade BoehmeComing January 26!Add on GoodReads

Chance of the Heart: Snippet Sunday & Blurb

Hey all!

Back again! Holy crap. So much going on! I want to thank everyone so very much for all the success of mine and Allison's novel from Dreampsinner, We Found Love. The reviews and the  sales have been fabulous and I appreciate everyone who went out and grabbed a copy. You're all wonderful.

My last solo project, Going Under, released at the end of the summer. Feels like such a long time, but I'm sure you all know, in this genre that IS a long time haha. Hard at work on the final book in the Keep Swimming Series, The Rising Tide, which will feature prickly Kent and freshly out Phil the cop (who was Kyle's ex). Proving to be quite fun. Working to get that one out for your spring breaks :). Then a big announcement regarding the sequel to Gangster Country. The Broken Kind will also feature Gianni and Logan as they go thru putting Gianni (and their relationship) back together after the events of GC. So... big things to come.

Which is why we're here. This is the first snippet sunday for my first book with a cowboy MC. Also, my first solo project of 2015. This novel, releasing in eBook and paperback on January 26 (sorry no pre-order), was a thrill to write and I can't wait to see what you all thing. I'll have a larger excerpt for you all later in the week. :)

First I give, those of you who haven't seen it, the cover and blurb for Chance of the Heart. Following the blurb and cover will be this week's snippet sunday. The snippet is when Chance has let curiosity get the best of him and wandered into a bar after his highschool sweetheart has called for them to take a break. He runs into an old friend that's gonna change his life.



Blurb:

Chance Becket's life was mapped out. He'd one day own the ranch he grew up on, have a family, and be the son he was raised to be, like all good boys in Small Town, U.S.A.

When his high school sweetheart calls for a break during her last semester of college, the last place Chance thought he'd end up was in his old friend Bradley's bed.

Bradley Heart blasted out of the closet before his family could name him heir apparent to his father's televangical mega-church. Going back into the closet, for any reason, is not on his list of things to do. But Chance may be too much a temptation, especially with the simmering feelings they’ve had for one another since they were teens.

Confused over his sexuality, Chance has to decide what’s more important -- loyalty to his his family and the path set forth, or the promise of happiness with not just the only man, but the only person, he's ever really wanted. For the first time in his life he's asking the hardest question of all: Is the path of least resistance enough?




Snippet:




This, this was why Chance hated when shit was uncertain. His damn fool self always lost his mind a little. Thinking things he shouldn’t, going places he shouldn’t.

Oh, yeah, he’d taken David’s advice. He’d gone to Abernathy. He’d even worn a polo with his jeans instead of his usual flannel. He’d always thought the baby blue brought out the color of his eyes. The way the short sleeves stretched over his biceps, the tight fit over his chest showing off the few assets he was confident in. Not that he put much thought into his looks. Why should he? He didn’t have anyone to impress. So why had it been important when he’d put them on tonight?

He didn’t listen about the boots, though. He thought his newest snakeskins looked good enough. And he most definitely didn’t think when David suggested he hit one of the bars on The Strip in Abernathy—obviously, a street lined with bars to make life easy for the inebriated bar-hopping college kids—that he come to this particular bar.

He didn’t know why he’d ended up in Bar None. There were honky-tonks and pubs, a couple of hole-in-the-walls, a juke joint. In stead, after a couple drinks at the steakhouse he’d had dinner with an old buddy at, he ended up in a gay bar. Granted, Bar None was known for having a mixed crowd, the straight girls probably thinking they were safe from getting hit on and the straight boys knowing that just was well as Chance who wasn’t even a regular.

But he hadn’t had eyes for a single girl since he’d been drawn like a moth to a flame to the dive bar with its rainbow flags and neon lights. He certainly wasn’t the biggest fan of the all diva line-up of tunes playing on the speakers, from Taylor Swift to some disco from the ‘70s.

He had no clue why he was there. I hate when things are uncertain.

He sipped on his third beer. Regardless of his reasons why he should or shouldn’t be there, he’d been posted up on a bar stool for about thirty minutes, thinking their dollar beers were as good as any. And the girls werepretty. At least he knew he wouldn’t run into anyone he knew at this bar.

If he was honest with himself, this wasn’t his first time being drawn into the bar. After his 21st birthday, he’d gone out once or twice with friends, only to end up at Bar None after they’d all petered out on him for the night. He did the same thing then as tonight, sitting on the edge, watching all the care free people enjoying their weekend night, not knowing what exactly he was looking for, what answers he needed. He had sex with a woman, enjoyed it, even if it wasn’t that often. He wasn’t gay. Maybe he just envied the worldliness of the people he saw in this particular bar. There wasn’t any macho posturing like the places he’d ended up with when he was out with the other hands from Red Creek.

Maybe he was just fucked up. He groaned and thumped his forehead with the long neck of his beer bottle.

“You doin’ okay here, cowboy?” the bartender asked. He’d been awful friendly since Chance had come in. He didn’t know why. It’s not like he was special to look at, and he sure couldn’t tell if the guy was hitting on him. He hadn’t even known Caitlin was until she’d flat out asked him to go to his junior prom with him.

“Oh, yeah. I’m good,” he said, probably barely heard above the music. The bartender took his empty bottle from him and offered a fresh one. He took it, not meeting the man’s gaze. He should really hightail it out and call the night a bust. You had to actually be looking for something to enjoy a night like this anyway. And he wasn’t gonna find the kinda of company he’d been encouraged to find in this place.

A gust of wind blew through as the front door opened and damn if Chance’s stomach didn’t tie up in knots when he saw who entered. He tried to convince himself he’d been stirred to life by the sexy blonde pixie of a girl with her tight black skirt and low cut top. His brain couldn’t even computer that it might actually be the tall, blond man behind her who cute a damn nice figure in a suit that probably cost more than the paycheck Chance cashed at the bank that afternoon.

Tall with broad shoulders, shoulders Chance knew you usually only got from doing work like his on the ranch. The man walked with an easy confidence, even if his face was a bit pinched, but that could be the lighting. He couldn’t make the man’s features out that clearly. His lady friend was laughing, though, sidling up to the other side of the bar, catching Chance’s eyes briefly before he averted them.

What the hell is going on? But something was familiar about the man. That had to be why he’d caught Chance’s attention. Had they crossed paths before?

“You doing okay, baby doll?” Another of the bartenders appeared in Chance’s line of sight. This guy was probably what you called a pretty boy, all long limbs, thin body and high cheeks. He had a teasing glint to his black-lined eyes. Chance didn’t get to say more than a word before the man leaned over the counter, running a finger up and down Chance’s forearm.

Chance froze. Well, that couldn’t be more forward if the guy kissed him right there. “You’re new. I know all the regulars. You here with anyone, honey?” Was he purring? Fuck.

“He’s with me, Terry,” a sexy baritone rumbled from a man who sat down in the barstool beside Chance. Chance’s eyes must have gone wide because the man who’d come to his rescue smiled widely, winking.

Holy shit. It was the guy he’d just been staring at, the one who was undoing him just being a foot away from him. The man looked like a Western version of James Dean with gold skin and blond hair in a dapper hair style. Like a cowboy who’d been thrust into a fancy suit, a rebel who’d been tamed and given a cause.

“Of course he is, Bradley,” the flirty bartender said, pouting. Chance gave the bartender an apologetic shrug, still not sure why he was going along with it.

Wait.

“Bradley?” he asked, snapping his head in the direction of his Knight in Shining Armani. “Bradley Heart?”

The man reared back a little, blinking in surprise, then that sinful smile stretched across his face in recognition. Chance was trying not to shit himself. “Chance fucking Becket!”


Okay. That's it :)

Stay tuned. More to come :)

Chance of the HeartComing January 26!Add on GoodReads

'We Found Love' Release Day!

Hey guys!

Thanks so very much for hanging around, keeping up with my horribly planned Snippet Sundays haha.  I've been super excited about this one's release. It's been a long time coming and now it's time to sit back and let the gods of happy reading do their thing. I hope you guys enjoy this title. It was a jjoy (and omg a tear-fest) to write. All the early reviews, thanks so much for the love for the book. Anyways.

We Found Love is out now! Available at Amazon [CLICK HERE] and other booksellers. :)



 We Found Love by Kade Boehme & Allison Cassatta

It’s no surprise Riley Connors is dealing with issues. He was kidnapped as a young boy, and his parents abandoned him after his newsworthy return. He bounced from foster home to facility and back. Now an adult, ghosts from his past continue to haunt him. After a suicide attempt, he is locked away in Hartfield so that people can make him tune in to emotions he has tried to bury.

Hunter Morgan had the kind of love that spans ages. But the stress of college and adulthood became too much to handle, and the love of Hunter’s life turned to drugs. After he overdoses, Hunter finds himself soaring out of control on the same miserable path. His brother finds him and calls an ambulance, and the sister Hunter would rather not have calls it a suicide attempt, landing Hunter in Hartfield.

Finding love isn’t easy, but it can happen under the most dire circumstances. Together Hunter and Riley may be able to grow from their pain. But they will need to learn to live for themselves, letting love come second.

 For those just joining if you want to check out the teasers you can look at the Snippet Saturday/Sundays [Here] .

Don't forget to stay tuned to this spot. Steady working to get Chance of the Heart  ready for a release in the coming weeks. My first solo release in quite a few months now. But until then, I hope you all enjoy 'We Found Love'. And thanks again for supporting and being a part of not just this release, but my career. You guys are the very best.

Now... time for me to go do some release day and birthday celebratin'!

Happy Reading and All My Love,
<3kaderade




Dreamspinner Press  |  GoodReads  |  ARe  |  AmazonNow Available! 

Final 'We Found Love' Snippet

Hey guys!

This is it. The LAST Snippet Saturday/Sunday. We Found Love releases in 2 more sleeps! Monday, January 5th is sooo close. Of course I've been super excited up til now but now the nerves are starting to take over. I'm pleased with feedback so far and can't wait to see what everyone thinks of our boys' story. 
So without any more rambling... I give you the FINAL snippet.






At some point, Riley was going to stop driving the hour it took to get to Hunter’s shop just to sit in the car and stare at the building without going in. Today was not going to be that day.He reached across the console, popped open the glove box, and tucked Hunter’s letters away. The first time he slammed the damn thing closed, it popped right back open. He fisted his fingers and popped it again. The second time, the latch caught, and life was good in the world of Korean engineering.It took fifty-three minutes to get to the garage. God and Louisiana traffic was on his side today, like destiny or fate or someone that fairy-tale shit romantics believed in had lent a hand in getting him where he needed to be this time. He parked on the street, about twenty feet away from the driveway, under a huge tree with a thick canopy. The spot was nice and cool, and welcomed since the Kia had no freakin’ AC.He sat back in his seat, hands in his lap, stare trained on the building. He’d already memorized almost every crack in the pavement. The blue was vibrant, fresh. It had been painted recently and complemented the vintage Morgan Brothers sign that had been hung in the last few weeks. So, it looked like Hunter had a stake in the business. Good for him. It was good to know he was making it in the big bad world. Why step in and possibly screw that up?Give him more credit. Hunter’s stronger than you assume.Pounding on the driver’s-side window startled Riley, nailing him right in the heart. The thump, thump, thumping in his chest sped, then slowed. The Grizzly-Adams-looking dude eyeballing him could’ve cleaned his clock. For. Sure.Hesitantly, Riley rolled down the window. “Um. Hi. I….”“Who the hell are you?”“I… I’m….”“You’ve been coming here for weeks, sitting out in this car, watching us. What’s your deal?”Riley fish-mouthed. He wasn’t sure what to say, what kind of lie he could tell to get him out of this mess. He didn’t know much about Hunter’s brother but knew there had been problems in the past. Things were supposed be good now, but….“Who. The hell. Are you?” As he bit the words out, the guy placed a strong hand on the door, gripping where the window had rolled into the door, leaning in closer to Riley. “This is a small town, and I’m here every day. It’s not hard to notice this… car sitting here when you do it as often as you do. Now what to do you want?”“I was… I mean, Hunter is….” Coherent thought, dipshit. Riley’s internal chastising didn’t seem to be doing any good. In fact, the more he berated himself, the more idiotic he acted. He pointed a thumb at his own chest. “Me. Riley.” You. Tarzan.The big guy’s eyebrows shot up to his hairline. “Okay,” Big Dude drawled. “You Riley. Me Travis.” Travis? As in Travis Morgan? Now that Riley looked at him, he did favor Hunter. Okay, maybe this guy was what Hunter would look like if you stuck an air pump up his ass and inflated him, but Riley could see it.“So, You Riley, what are you doing out here?” Geez, did this guy have an expression other than hardass? “Did you need Hunter? You’re not a crazy ex or anything, are you?” That thought made Travis visibly uncomfortable.“No,” Riley blurted, slamming a hand down on a bigass arm. When he realized what he’d done, he winced and jerked back. “No. I just wanted—”The sight of Hunter stepping out of one of the open bays stole Riley’s voice and his train of thought. Damn, he looked good. He’d bulked up just a little, probably from turning wrenches all day. And he had a little extra weight to him—the good kind of weight, like he was healthy again. He looked healthy. Pecs all hard and rounded. His abs were defined, and fuck if that new tat on his ribs wasn’t lickable as hell. Riley pinched his lips together, swallowing hard.Don’t focus on that. Hunter’s in a good place right now. Don’t go screwing around with that. He looks happy and….Another guy stepped out of the bay, smiling and running his fingers through his wavy golden-blond hair. His skin was sun-kissed, and he had GQ written all over him. Then he leaned in and wrapped both arms around Hunter’s shoulders. Hunter returned the embrace, threading his arms around Blondie’s waist. Riley felt himself pale, very literally felt all the color and warmth rush from his face. His stomach knotted.Hunter was happy.“I should go.”




That's it guys! The end of the line. If you haven't pre-ordered you [Click Here] for Dreamspinner, [Click Here] for ARe, or [Click Here] for Amazon. All three will also be the buy links for those booksellers on release day. Don't forget to check out the past Snippet Saturday/Sundays if you haven't already.
In closing, I wanted to say thanks so very, very much for being here and being a part of not only the snippets leading up to the release, being excited with me, but also for being a part of my career. I'd clearly be nowhere without you guys but aside from that you all make this journey rewarding and completely worth the time I put into each story.
<3kaderade



Dreamspinner Press  |  GoodReads  |  ARe  |  AmazonComing January 5, 2015!Pre-Order Available Now!

Early Birthday Snippet and Giveaway!

Hey guys!
So my next novel, We Found Love, co-authored with my close friend Allison Cassatta, is releasing January 5th. (Omg so close!) [Click Here] to pre-order from Dreamspinner Press.  I've been posting Snippet Sundays/Saturdays here on my blog in the preceding weeks to promo. Well, I got some early birthday presents (my birthday is January 6th, The big 2-7 this year.) which had me thinking "why not share this good mood with my badass readers/friends?" So I thought why not post another snippet, since this coming up Sunday's is the final one before release day. Then stay tuned after the Snippet for a giveaway that includes a signed paperback and copies of eBooks.







“Hello, my name’s Hunter, and I’m an alcoholic,” he said clearly into the microphone on the podium he stood behind, facing a small crowd of fellow alcoholics, familiar and unfamiliar alike.“Hello, Hunter,” the group said in unison.“I’ve been sober for ten months.” He paused for the obligatory smattering of applause. His face scanned the crowd, noticing his sponsor, Gianna, giving him a thumbs-up from the back. “In the last months I’ve been hospitalized, jumped through the hoops to work on my recovery, lost a friend—well, friends.” He closed his eyes and felt a moment of grief for his friends.“I’ve completed rigorous therapy,” he continued, directing his attention back to the faces in the crowd. “I think the scariest part has been working to stay sober and make amends with people who didn’t deserve the crap I’ve passed around over the last six years.”A deep breath. “Not long ago, someone said to me, ‘Live your life.’ That really resonated with me, because so many people I know didn’tlive their lives. Some died too young.” Riley came to mind, blurrier at the edges than ever thanks to too much time having passed. Hunter couldn’t even remember the man’s voice, just the slightest memories of his laugh. “Some just can’t because of their circumstances. So I realized what a huge freakin’ blessing this chance was for me.“This isn’t a second chance. No way. More like my ninth life. I hate thinking it’s my last, but it feels that way sometimes. So I’m gonna keep going. Hopefully I’ll see them again, but I’m sure as hell gonna keep living, for myself and for them.” He stepped back from the podium, signaling the end of his sharing. The applause this round was a little more heartfelt than obligatory. Gianna stood up in the back, clapping her hands above her head for him but keeping it at a respectful volume.He walked back to the seat Gianna had saved for him, getting a playful punch in the arm as he sat down. Her sparkling eyes beamed with pride. “Good job,” she whispered. He gave a single nod with a wink of appreciation. He wouldn’t pat himself on the back too much. It had definitely been a long, hard road. He’d even wandered into a bar after a particularly ugly disagreement with his brother two months earlier. But he hadn’t had more than a Diet Coke before heading back to his apartment to sift through his letters from Riley.
He kept each and every one, safely tucked away in a box under his bed. He’d read them all a hundred times. 


And that's it for the snippet. Now, on to the giveaway:

5 Winners Receive Anything From My Backlist.

3 Winners Receive eBook Copies of We Found Love on Release Day as well as eBook Copy of Any Backlist Title They Choose 

1 Winner Receives Paperback Copy of We Found Love Signed By Me, eBook Copy, and Any Backlist Title 

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Good luck! And I hope you enjoyed the snippet! See you this weekend for the final Snippet then it's release day!!

<3Kaderade


Dreamspinner Press  |  GoodReads  |  AReComing January 5, 2015!Pre-Order Available Now!