August McLaughlin's Blog, page 45

4 Things You Need To Know About Your (Beautiful) Vulva

Don’t play with her heart. Play with her vulva. It feels better. 

I couldn’t find a single happy vulva quote archived online. Can you believe that? Considering the mighty wonder of the area, it’s remarkable that vaginas get most of the attention. Don’t get me wrong—vaginas rock!  But what do you say we take some time to celebrate its pleasure-centric, splendiferous sister, Ms. Vulva?

4 Things You Need to Know About Your Vulva
1. It’s not your vagina. 

If your first thought when spotting this post was, “My vulva… I know it’s somewhere down there, but…what is it again?” you’re far from alone. Many folks confuse vaginas with vulvas. Your vagina is the passageway into your body. Your vulva is everything outside of it—including your labia (lips), the mounded area over your pubic bone, your clitoris. To see medical drawings via the Cleveland Clinic, click here.

2. You shouldn’t scrub it.

The vulva secretes oils that protect its delicate skin from friction we all experience regularly. Scrub away those oils with cleansers or douche, and you’re likely to experience irritation. Keep it clean by washing it gently with warm water when you shower and letting it be. For added health and safety, avoid thongs, girdles, feminine sprays, scented tampons and rough toilet paper.

3. It’s super capable of pleasure. 

Women experience intense amounts of pleasure outside the vagina—which is one reason intercourse alone doesn’t bring most women to climax. The combo of both, however, inner and outer “down there” play paves the way for mind-blowing, intoxicating pleasure.

4. It’s beautiful as it is.

Your vulva isn’t ugly, stinky, oversized or wrongly hairy. Far too many women feel pressured to futz with their genitals in order to feel beautiful or merely okay. Do what makes you feel most comfortable, keeping safety and well-being your top priorities. When you feel pressured to alter your gorgeous girl parts, ask yourself why. Chances are it’s societal messages that need changing—not you. ♥

For more on this topic, check out my DAME Magazine article: Stop Futzing With Your Vagina!

My Latest Product Fave!

Speaking of vulvas, I have to tell you all about my latest product crush. *drum roll* …VULVA BALM! Did you know it was a thing? Sensuous Beauty makes it, and it’s fabulous.

Dab it on your gorgeous vulva to prevent chafing or manage dryness. Vulva Balm is formulated for menopausal women, but as a younger woman, I found it luscious and fun. (Even when we’re wet inside, some added gliding power outside is nice, IYKWIM!) You can also use it as a gentle lube. The body and eco-friendly deliciously scented balm has a smooth, decadent texture you’ll wanna slather on (think Carmex, only natural + sexy. ;))—but you won’t need to. A small amount goes far.

Disclosure: This is an honest review for a product sold by Good Vibrations, a company I’m affiliated with. If you purchase Sensuous Beauty Vulva Balm for $12.99 – $18.50 through this link, a portion will support all-things-Girl Boner.

You can also support GB by purchasing other products. Simply click the Good Vibrations image in the sidebar (or below, if you’re reading on your phone) to shop away! The company is women-friendly, discreet and all around AWESOME.

What do you love about your vulva? Did any of these facts surprise you? Think you might try Vulva Balm? Remember, there’s no shame or judgment here—just gratitude, love and respect. 

Girl Boner: The Sex Ed Story That Started it All

Eighty weeks and episodes ago, I sat down before the mic at Global Voice Broadcasting and nearly peed my pants from giddy excitement. Seconds later, I was hooked. Girl Boner® Radio has been, and continues to be, a wild and gratifying ride.

Now that much of that ride is being filmed, I decided to share the story that started it all on YouTube. The video below isn’t Hollywood-“perfect” visually (not that that’s ever my aim), but it’s chock-full of heart and was a blast to make.

Stream below to hear a shortened version of my premiere episode set to a slideshow featuring fabulous guests, Charlie Brown as you’ve never seen him, my dynamic dog’s radio debut and more. I hope you enjoy it!

What did you think of the video? What was your sex ed experience like? Wishing you a beautiful, Girl Boner-embracing week! ♥

8 Surprising Facts About Female Orgasm

Happy National Orgasm Day! Nope, I didn’t make that up. Today folks across the country are celebrating the big and luscious O. Fabulous, right?

I thought I’d celebrate by sharing some tantalizing facts about Girl Boner-gasms. Check them out, then let me know what you think! I LOVE hearing from you. ♥

1. You could have one without realizing it. Don’t believe me? Listen to my episode on brain-gasms and my orgasm MRI. In short, some women mistake the feel-good sensations of climax with simply feeling good or, sadly, experience so much shame around sexuality that they don’t allow themselves to recognize or embrace what’s happening.

2. They’re POWERFUL! Unlike guys’ orgasms, which are also groovy, she-gasms send shimmery pleasure and elation throughout the whole body—from our heads to the tips of our toes. No wonder they help everything from pain and tension to low moods.

3. And contagious. Now there is something worth catching—yum. Our partners may literally get-off on our getting off. This is one reason men delight in facilitating orgasm meditation—the slow stimulation of a woman’s clit with the fingers alone.

4. Self-stimulation rocks! Did you know that self-sexy-TLC is the easiest way for most women to climax? It’s also a beautiful way to learn more about your body and connect more deeply with your partner, if you have one. I’m also a big fan of couple masturbation. Sharing in each other’s pleasure side-by-side or face-to-face without going pelvis-to-pelvis can be hot on multiple levels.

5. Some women climax through breath or thoughts alone. If a sexy dream has ever sent you over the edge physically, you’ve done so. You can also experience breath-gasms through tantric exercises, as I explored with Dawn Beck on Girl Boner® Radio this week.

6. Our attitudes count. Women who embrace their bodies and sexuality tend to have more frequent and stronger orgasms. This is one reason so many of us experiences greater intensity and fulfillment in the bedroom as we age. (Yes, that we peak in our 30s is a myth.)

7. It’s okay to desire or experience them more than your guy. As Dr. Megan said on my show recently, guys shouldn’t be expected to be superheroes in the bedroom. Similarly, we gals shouldn’t criticize ourselves if we desire sex more than our partner.

To learn more about females having higher sex drive, check out my latest column for The Good Men Project: When You Want Sex More Than He Does – What’s a Girl to Do?

8. There’s no right or best way to have one. Whether you climax frequently or some of the time, namely on the outside of your gorgeous body or deeper within, engage your G-spot or not or reach orgasm quickly or over time, you’re a-okay in that department. Our orgasms are as unique as we are, and 1000% embraceable.

**Another fab way to celebrate! Click the Good Vibrations ad in my sidebar and purchase a sexy product or two. A portion of your purchase will go to all-things-Girl Boner. Thanks so much for any support.

Which fact struck you most? What’s your favorite thing about she-gasms? How will you celebrate this glorious day?

Celebrating Vulnerability and Links I LOVE

vulnerable adj. vul·ner·a·ble: easily hurt or harmed physically, mentally, or emotionally; open to attack, harm, or damage – Merriam Webster

There’s something missing from this definition. Vulnerability doesn’t merely leave us more easily hurt but wide open to greater love, sensitivity, awareness and compassion. Without it, I’m not sure we’d ever grow.

The past few years have been a near crash course in the V-word for me—from blogging my heart out to launching my show. In addition to being “where good girls go for sexual empowerment,” Girl Boner® Radio is where I go to stand strong in my beliefs, explore controversial issues and speak from my heart, sans script or the editing manuscripts and articles require. Last week it was filmed for the first time, providing more chances to explore Vulnerable City with my tribe of giddy butterflies. (I love them so.)

Today I want to highlight some stellar reads from the blog-o-sophere—all of which serve as proof that vulnerability is a near superpower, and equal parts magnifying glass and compass if we embrace it. I hope you enjoy them as much as I did! If you do, check out their blogs and follow them on Twitter.

Three Posts That Rocked My World

Why the Lingerie World Gets on My Tits via Neon Moon—an empowering, world-shifting lingerie company y’all must check out! Here, Hayat Rachi shares the personal experiences that inspired the revolutionary brand.

The Expedition of No Return by KM Huber—my friend and fabulous zen blogger shares how she’s discovered “life anew” after learning she was at high risk for quadriplegia and having surgery that challenged her values. She’s a miracle.

Why We Hate Photos of Ourselves by Alexandra Rosas (via Purple Clover)—a gifted friend I met through BlogHer shares how she learned to embrace photos of herself after her mother’s passing. It’s rich with valuable insight.

What have times of vulnerability taught you? What rewards have you gained in the process? What did you think of these posts? I love hearing from you! ♥

A Middle-Age Sex Chat and Intimacy After Illness (Special Offer!)

Hi, all!

I hope you’re having a splendiferous week. This is a quickie post, as I’m on my way to #BlogHer15. (So stoked!)

You know what else I’m stoked about? Yesterday’s Girl Boner® Radio episode, featuring spectacular guests, mega-fun girl talk and a phenomenal offer for listeners from a sex educator.

I chatted with friend and fellow blogger, Chloe Jeffreys, who’s also an experienced labor and delivery nurse, about estrogen decline, libido boosters and intimacy during middle-age. She’s equal parts know-how, zest and candor—you’ll love her!

Chloe Jeffries

Resident expert Dr. Megan Fleming weighed in on a reader’s concerns about dealing with her guy’s lower-than-hers libido, and Natalie Hatches invites listeners to take her awesome Intimacy After Illness e-course. She’s offering it at a huge discount for Girl Boner® fans, and offering some groovy extras! (Learn more below.)

To stream the episode, click one of these links:
iTunes   Stitcher Radio   AugustMcLaughlin.com

To register for Love Chat with Nat’s 8 Week Transformational E-Course on Intimacy After Illness: A Holistic Approach, go to: www.lovechatwithnat.com/go/8weekcourse and use the code girlboner for $200 off the usual price ($497) until Monday 7/20. After Monday, use the code to save $5o.

You’ll also receive:

A gift bag from Ana Ono Intimates

3 – One hour educational sessions with Love Chat with Nat – $525 value

One year complimentary membership to Love Chat with Nat’s Love Goddess Program – $228 value

Weekly check-in during the E-Course to answer questions

Unlimited Email Support for 30 days after E-Course

This is such an awesome deal! I hope it finds the folks who most need it. ♥ If you’ve listened to the episode, I’d love to hear what you think! Could you relate to any of the topics? Which suggestion seemed most helpful?

The Worst Advice I’ve Ever Received

This week marks the start of my relationship advice column for The Good Men Project. I can’t tell you all how stoked I am for the opportunity. If you’re new to GMP, a diverse community of thought leaders who explore men’s evolving roles in modern times, I hope you’ll check them out. To read my first weekly segment, answering a question on finding bliss and “the one,” visit this link.

To celebrate, I thought I’d share some of the worst advice I’ve ever received. Most has been well-intended, some I had the wherewithal to ignore and some came from the person closest to me: myself.

1. Darken your eyebrows.

When I was a teen and first entering the modeling world, I took advice from all industry pros to heart. Much of it was good (don’t pay anyone to model, don’t sign anything your agent hasn’t read and approved), darkening my eyebrows with brownish pencil made me look like I had furry worms crawling on my forehead.

Lesson learned: Don’t wear makeup 50+ shades darker than your face, and anything that makes you look like a creepy-crawler magnet. Aim to look like you.

2. Die your hair platinum blonde.

See explanation #1. When a stylist remarked, “You’d make a great platinum blonde,” I raced off to a salon and left two hours later with Barbie-esque hair. For about two weeks I loved it, relishing the attention. (People stare at you when your head glows.) But then roots appeared, making my naturally light hair appear dishwater-brown by comparison. Meanwhile, I felt like a faker. The frantic upkeep made me and my bank account crazy.

Lesson learned: Don’t color your hair vastly different colors than your natural shade, unless want to rock hot pink or rainbow stripes.

3. Don’t break up with a guy until after Valentine’s Day (or other holidays).

Strategic, right? *quivers* I gave this to myself and took it, multiple times, in my early twenties. Not keen on hurting a guy I planned to break up with more than necessary, I also wanted to make sure I had a date for those holidays. *moment of silence to commemorate personal growth* (If any of you guys are reading this, I’m so so sorry.)

Lesson learned: Staying in a wrong-for-you relationship is lonely, especially on holidays. Pretending you’re invested in a relationship hurts everyone.

4. Create fake identities online and have conversations with yourself on blogs for more traffic on your own.

Eek! I’m so glad I didn’t take this. An acquaintance who is somewhat of an internet genius suggested I do this when only my parents and 1.5 strangers read my blog. In doing so, he claimed, I’d intrigue people into clicking my (actual) name and visiting my blog.

Lesson learned: Being an industry professional doesn’t make someone an expert on you or your work. Also? Authenticity is everything.

5. Don’t quit.

I’ve heard this many times from well-intended folks—including when I’d decided to leave my first marriage, to trade financial stability in Miami for countless unknowns in LA, and to stop working on a novel to focus on non-fiction. In all of these cases, my instincts told me to leap. With one minor delay (clinging on to the novel for a bit), I did so. These leaps were some of my most empowering and important.

Lesson learned: There’s a big difference between giving up and moving forward. Staying in a relationship or venture because it seems safest or right to others can mean saying NO to our dreams—including those we haven’t yet conjured.

*****

I now realize this list could’ve gone on and on, as could the list of awesome advice I’ve received. For now, I’ll leave you with these five and open the floor to you. What’s the worst advice you’ve ever received? Did you take it? Do you relate to any of mine? I love hearing from you! ♥

Body Image Language, Changes and High Heels: A Chat with Dr. Megan

There’s little I love more than exploring empowering topics with kick-ass folks who have not only learned to embrace their bodies and selves, but pay it forward by inspiring the same in others.

The other week on Girl Boner® Radio, I had such chats with two fabulous ladies: Emily Nolan of My Kind of Life, who moved past a decade of disordered eating and now inspires women worldwide with her activism, and sex and relationship expert Dr. Megan Fleming, who’s been featured on the OWN Network, Anderson Cooper, Cosmo Radio and more. She’s also Girl Boner®’s current relationship expert, answering listeners’ questions with warmth, wit and grace.

Dr. Megan was kind enough to answer a few follow-up questions for this post. I love that she not only speaks as an experienced clinician, but as a real woman who knows these trials (and how to move past them) herself.

To stream the episode on cultivating “belly-out” self-confidence,  click one of these links:

My website        iTunes      Stitcher Radio

Body Image Language, Changes and High Heels:
An After-Chat with Dr. Megan Fleming

August: Why is the language we use about our bodies so important? 

Dr. Megan: It’s simple. What we focus on expands. What we resist persists. If you choose to focus on your belly or butt and how you want them to be smaller, it will feel very different than if you practice saying with warmth and loving energy, “I love my belly, I love my butt!” Or as Madonna so aptly put in her song 4 Minutes, “If you thought it, it better be what you want.”

We invite energy that’s constricting or expanding with our thoughts. Constricting energy is stress and not healthy for you or your body. Accept your body as it is in this moment. Know that as you pair loving, expansive energy with positive thoughts and small behavioral changes, you will be inviting and creating more of what you most desire.

August: I loved what you shared in our interview about deciding what you want to be known and respected for—your appearance, or your work (helping people)—and that you chose the latter. What does such a decision require work-wise? Is simply deciding enough?

Dr. Megan: Wow…great question. I don’t think there’s a simple or one-size-fits-all answer, except that we first need to know what we truly want, then envision and invite it. Then we need to make a commitment to move toward that picture through our thoughts and actions. We should all slow down and ask ourselves what we really desire. We have to give ourselves permission to cultivate the answer and really show up in our lives, staying fully present and, with the best of ourselves, take action on behalf of that vision.

August: Height and how our legs appear are sensitive areas for many women. How can we tell if we’re wearing heels for our own enjoyment or something negative, like insecurity? 

Dr. Megan: Love… To me, the question we all need to ask ourselves is who are we wearing the high heels for? Yourself and how it makes you feel? Or to be noticed, get attention or impact how we imagine others might feel about us? If it’s for you, is it to feel as though you’re enough? Or because they make you feel sexy and you pick shoes that are high but also comfortable? I’m not sure how anyone feels sexy in shoes that feel like sticking your feet into a torture chamber. Honestly, some of the most exclusive brands feel that way to me. It’s not worth it to me, but I think it’s a question every woman must honestly ask herself to make her own decisions.

Maybe you love the sexiness and choose on special occasions to suck up a little torture (wearing comfortable shoes to and from the event that you carry in your bag) or maybe you decide to go #HeelFree. Learning to love yourself and your body without any accessories—shoes, bags, clothes, etc.—is something I wish every woman everywhere could experience.

We are enough. We were born enough and whole. I think it’s time we reclaim our sexy wholeness exactly as we are!

****

See why I adore Dr. Megan? For more of her brilliance, follow her on Facebook (Facebook.com/DrMeganFleming) and Twitter (@MeganFlemingPhD).

To learn diet don’ts that can damage your sex life and body image, check out my blog post on LIVESTRONG.com.

What struck you most about Dr. Megan’s thoughts? What’s helped improved your body image?Any questions about sex or relationships you’d like answered on Girl Boner® Radio? I love hearing from you! ♥

Nicole’s Story: Healing From Depression and PTSD

“It’s normal for survivors of sexual violence to experience feelings of anxiety, stress, or fear. If these feelings become severe, last more than a few weeks, or interrupt your day-to-day life, it might be a condition known as post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).” — Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network

One of my favorite things about Girl Boner® is interacting with women whose stories and insight offer so much inspiration. While prepping for my latest episode, on depression, PTSD and empowerment, I polled folks on Facebook: If they’d struggled with these issues, what has most helped them cope or thrive? How has the experience influenced their intimate relationships?

One woman’s responses were so poignant, I wrote back and decided to feature her thoughts in the episode and here on my blog. Thank you, Nicole, for your openness and bravery! Read on to learn how this survivor of sexual trauma is finding her way from intense darkness to light.

To listen to the full episode, which also features an interview with award-winning filmmaker Jill Morley, expert tips from Dr. Megan Fleming and a bit about my own experience with depression, use the links down below. I hadn’t realized it until today, but this marks my 75th segment. I couldn’t think of a better way to celebrate than to explore these vital topics with truly awesome women. ♥

August: How long have you been dealing with depression and PTSD?

Nicole: I’ve been dealing with depression off and on for a big chunk of my life, and PTSD related to sexual and relationship trauma for the last seven years.

August: I’m so sorry. I know how challenging that all can be. Have you sought therapy?

Nicole: Off and on for about a decade dealing mostly with depression, and immediately after three traumatic events that all occurred in the span of a year.

August: Has it helped?

Nicole: Talk therapy helped me label what I went through as rape. It was, and still is, difficult for me to use that term, “rape,” because there was no fighting involved.

Instead of fighting, I froze. I knew each of the guys really well. One boyfriend, and two friends. I said, “no,” and, “stop,” and, “I won’t unless you use a condom,” but they kept going disregarding what I said, and I immediately froze. If it were not for therapy, I’d still be talking about them as my “worst sex ever” stories.

My new therapist is helping me deal with my PTSD and anxiety that bubbles up in ways I only realize a couple days later what triggered it and why. Sometimes I don’t know why I feel anxious at all. I get so angry at my anxiety.

August: A recent guest, Rachel Thompson, talked about that—not realizing PTSD was triggering symptoms for awhile. What would you say has helped the most?

Nicole: I went to group therapy for abused women, and that, more than anything, helped right away. Hearing the stories of women who went through what seemed like a hell I’ve never experienced, then saying that the psychological abuse was far worse for them than any physical abuse, because only the physical was acknowledged/validated by others. So we validated each others experiences. It was powerful.

August: Sounds like it, and it’s inspiring. What about in your daily life? What habits or tools have you found helpful?

Nicole: A few things:

1) Meditation/Mindfulness. At least 10-20 minutes a day of meditating, which I also call upon when I realize my feelings are overwhelming me. At this point, it’s usually long after I’m in the middle of being upset.

2) Telling myself, “Of course I feel ____________ !”

“It’s natural for me to feel ____________.”

“It’s Ok for me to feel ____________.”

And when I think … “It’s not ‘OK’ to feel this way. I don’t want to feel this way, so how can it be OK?” I then repeat the three statements above about not feeling it’s OK. “Of course I feel like it’s not OK,” etc.

3) When it’s nice outside during my therapy session, we go for a walk during that hour.  Movement while talking about my anxiety and PTSD, and about anything that triggers me, has helped me tremendously. Walking while talking about things helped my body process my emotions faster, often leaving me feeling good about myself just for doing some exercise that day.

August: How has this all influenced your intimate life?

Nicole: My husband is so sensitive to my past experiences, and I’ve told him about all of them. When they’re brought up directly he’s there to hold me, or just listen.

In the bedroom, he’s sometimes a little too quick to just stop whatever he’s doing (which is a thin line for both of us to walk, and I feel bad about it being so confusing).

My husband also has his own issues—also about control; I’ve learned that sexual trauma often creates or increases control issues. Our separate issues tend to leave us triggering one another pretty often.

We both want to work on ourselves to be better people for ourselves and each other…and now for our little one on the way. We’re both working very hard at resolving our issues, and we’re seeing a lot of progress six months into counseling, but we still have a long way to go.

I feel so fortunate to have a partner who is willing look honestly at himself, and to work through our problems and do what we need to, in order to be healthy as individuals and as a family.

August: Beautiful. How is your pregnancy going?

Nicole: Being pregnant with my entire body changing is not a helpful piece to this puzzle, but it’s important for me to work on myself now more than ever. I’m hoping to teach my baby boy to grow up a strong feminist, and believing in and fighting for equal rights for everyone.

*****

How beautifully brave and amazing is this woman? Yes, that was rhetorical—but please do join me in cheering Nicole on and sending the best possible thoughts.

**For more on this topic, listen to the latest on Girl Boner® Radio: Depression, PTSD & Empowerment on my homepage, iTunes and Stitcher Radio.

If you need help and aren’t sure where to turn, call the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 800.656.HOPE(4673) or chat online at online.rainn.org, or contact the Nationwide 24-Hour Crisis Hotline: 1-800-SUICIDE or 1-800-273-TALK (8255).

Can you relate to Nicole’s experiences? If you’ve struggled with depression or PTSD, what’s most helped you cope and heal? I love hearing from you! ♥

“OMG, I LOVE HIM!” The Epiphany That Changed My Life

When I moved to Atwater Village nearly ten years ago, I had two goals:

♥ Retrieve my foster dog Zoe (long story), and adopt her

♥ Work on myself and my career

Little did I know then that the kind and handsome neighbor who showed me around when I first visited the property would turn out to be the love of my life.

Unlike previous guys I’d dated who’d wooed me with grandiose charm, Mike treated me with kindness, warmth and respect. The difference was so striking, I had no idea he was interested in me romantically for months.

That’s not to say you can’t be kind and genuine yet grandiose, of course. But in my experience, “over the top” inevitably turned out to be superficial. A game. A tactic.

Mike didn’t have any tactics. He simply wanted to get to know me, and I him. He’d hoped more would happen, I’d later learn, but didn’t press. We were fast friends.

A couple of months after meeting, we serendipitously decided to go for a run at Griffith Park at the same time. I plunked down on his front steps to tie my shoes. As he sat down next to me, a surprising sensation filled me—a heated, shimmery glow I could’ve sworn streamed from my every pore, making my newfound secret obvious to the world:

Oh my god. I love him!!!!!! 

Holy epiphany! How had I missed it?

It took some time for me to realized I hadn’t missed it. Rather, I’d been experiencing it. Relishing it. Evolving within the journey.

I now know I was experiencing healthy attachment, which Dr. Wendy O’Connor poignantly described in my “dating a sociopath” series.

It was exciting, trust me, but in a comfortable way, versus fireworks from a stranger, equal parts ooh la la and risk.

I’d not only fallen in love, but with my best pal, my adventure partner, the guy who made me feel just right, quirks and all, as I am. The guy who made me laugh and extended kindness to everyone he met, never seeing anyone as “less than.”

Shortly after that landmark run at the park, we were dating. A year later, we were wed on the steps we met on—also the place I’d had my “I love him!” epiphany.

Days later, we learned that Zoe needed surgery that would require ample funds and followup home care, and faced a decision:

Honeymoon or Zoe-moon?

I looked at Mike and saw no hesitation in his eyes. Of course we’d choose Zoe. If I’d had any doubt that I’d married right, that moment would have washed it away.

This weekend, we’ll celebrate seven years of marriage. We’ve had our bumps—what couple hasn’t?—but they’ve only ended up strengthening us. Mike’s character, heart and presence are some of my life’s greatest gifts.

Knowing that all couples who choose to can now share marital adventures as well makes our anniversary that much more special.

As chance would have it, a painting we purchased at an auction months ago arrived today. We hadn’t realized until opening it (I blame the champagne!) that it’s called Couple in the Park. That’s precisely how our relationship feels to me—a grand, colorful adventure, full of play and growth and learning, one I plan to cherish for many years to come.

That’s my love story. What’s yours? ♥

Risky Business: Common Pitfalls of High Heel Shoes #HeelFree

“I cannot tell you how bad your feet will get in the future if you don’t bother helping yourself now, and if you’re already in pain and decide not to do anything about it, I guarantee things will only get worse with time. This is not to scare you, but to emphasize how important your feet are and teach you to look at your feet in a different way than you may have before.”

— Dr. Sara Johnson, chiropractic physician

Dr. Johnson’s message summarizes much of what I’ve been pondering since my #HeelFree campaign began: the importance of foot care and how seldom we, as a culture, tend to consider it.

The average woman in the U.S. spends around $25,000 on shoes in her lifetime. If she gets bimonthly pedicures, she’ll spend about $1,345 per year on prettying up her toes. Time and money invested in protecting her feet from damage? Not shockingly, I couldn’t find a study on that. I’m guessing very little. Chance she’ll suffer to some degree as a result? Pretty darn high.

Why all of this is the case became pretty obvious as I delved into my personal history and the history of heels overall. In short, we’re all taught that high heels are sexy, attractive and practically essential in certain situations. As a result, we tend to feel more confident wearing them.

Here’s a little secret: Our legs don’t need to be elongated, clenched or upheld at a particular angle to be beautiful and perfect as they are. No “buts” about it. 

No one seems to say that, so I’m not going to stop saying it. (You should’ve seen the clerk’s face at the grocery store just now…)

As I’ve mentioned, my goal is not to shun anyone who wears or makes high heels, but to encourage more women to think about these factors. With knowledge, we can make our own informed decisions. Part of that knowledge is understanding the risks.

Common Risks of High Heels (2″ or higher)

♦ Your feet contain 25% of your bones. (WOAH, right?) Stress or misalignment of any of these bones or the surrounding tendons, ligaments or muscles can affect the rest of your body.

♦ So it’s no wonder that high heels are the leading cause of foot pain and injury in women.

♦ Because heels change the way you walk, placing added strain on various bones, they commonly cause knee, back and hip pain as well. They may also up your risk for osteoarthritis of the knee—a type more common in women than men.

♦ Over time, high heels can shorten the muscles in your back and calves, causing more pain plus, potentially, stiffness and muscle spasms.

♦ Frequent wearing can shorten your Achilles tendon, which could contribute to tendinitis, shin splints and plantar fasciitis.

♦ Along with pain comes inflammation, the root cause of many diseases. High heels can also make pain and inflammation from other causes throughout your body worse.

♦ Pain and inflammation tend to have emotional consequences, too, so heels can cause heightened stress, anxiety, depressive moods and mental fatigue.

♦ Pressure from high heels on the nerves in your feet can trigger numbness and pain in your toes.

♦ High heel-wearing negatively affects your walk even when you remove them and go barefoot, shows research. This is because of heels shorten leg muscle fibers, increasing strain on your calves.

♦ Up to one-third of high heel wearers suffer permanent residual problems.

♦ Two such problems are bunions and hammertoes, especially if you wear particularly tall or pointy heels or if either condition runs in your family.

♦ One-third of women who wear high heels at least three times per week have reportedly fallen while wearing them—complications of which are on the rise. High heel-related injuries, including broken bones, doubled between 2002 and 2012.

Image credit: The Washington Post

And yet, almost no one suggests not wearing them.

I find it interesting that virtually no articles on high heel risks suggest giving them up as a viable way to prevent or minimize these problems. Most simply suggest cutting back on how often you wear them and lowering the height—I’m guessing because they realize that for many women, giving them up is simply not perceivable. Or maybe my friend Scott was right: they’re concerned about losing profit. (Heels bring them loads of business.)

No one should tell us what to wear, of course, but shouldn’t they at least mention that bypassing heels is not only an option, but the surest way to prevent high heel side effects? Otherwise, it’s a bit like saying, “It’s okay to wear pants so tight you can barely breathe, just don’t wear them daily” for less abdominal angst, or, “Look both ways when you cross the street, most of the time,” for lower risks of falling or getting hit by a car.

Trust me, I’m glad there’s plenty of information out there for high heel fans to wear them more safely. I just wish women were encouraged to consider comfortable, health-promoting shoes without any sense that doing so might end their world, style- or confidence- wise.

Many women who switch to lower shoes do so because they’ve already experienced problems or can’t wear heels for health reasons. Huge kudos for that. Many women keep on wearing heels anyway. But there’s also this little thing called prevention. I’m a fan.

We really can feel confident without heels. It may take effort for some of us (it has for me), but it’s worthy. There’s serious strength in feeling strong and authentic as we are, no shape/height/weight altering devices required. As a bonus, the less we rely on high heels, the lower our risks become for crippling our feet and bodies over time.

To learn more about high heel risks, click the hyperlinks throughout this post.

More related links:

Standing with Confidence: Body Image, Height and High Heels – a post I wrote for the National Eating Disorders Association

Why I Won’t Wear High Heels Ever Again, via XOXO Jane

Science Weighs in on High Heels, via the New York Times

How to Cultivate “Belly Out” Self-Confidence, on Girl Boner® Radio

Were you aware of these risks? Which have you experienced? If you wear heels, what do you love about them? What are your favorite flats? I love hearing from you! ♥

PS Check out my new #HeelFree Pinterest board for resources and links to gorgeous, comfy heel alternatives. :)