Deborah Spungen

Deborah Spungen’s Followers (19)

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Deborah Spungen


Born
Philadelphia, The United States
Genre


Average rating: 3.97 · 8,433 ratings · 403 reviews · 6 distinct worksSimilar authors
And I Don't Want to Live Th...

3.97 avg rating — 8,398 ratings — published 1983 — 21 editions
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Nancy

4.29 avg rating — 21 ratings
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Homicide: The Hidden Victim...

3.90 avg rating — 10 ratings — published 1997 — 5 editions
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Table for One: Essays from ...

4.50 avg rating — 2 ratings
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Nenoriu tokio gyvenimo

3.50 avg rating — 2 ratings
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Table for One: Essays from ...

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More books by Deborah Spungen…
“You had to laugh, if you wanted to survive.”
Deborah Spungen, And I Don't Want to Live This Life: A Mother's Story of Her Daughter's Murder

“[From Sid Vicious's letter to Nancy Spungen's mother Deborah]
P.S. Thank you, Debbie, for understanding that I have to die. Everyone else just thinks that I'm being weak. All I can say is that they never loved anyone as passionately as I love Nancy. I always felt unworthy to be loved by someone so beautiful as her. Everything we did was beautiful. At the climax of our lovemaking, I just used to break down and cry. It was so beautiful it was almost unbearable. It makes me mad when people say you must have really loved her.' So they think that I don't still love her? At least when I die, we will be together again. I feel like a lost child, so alone.
The nights are the worst. I used to hold Nancy close to me all night so that she wouldn't have nightmares and I just can't sleep without my my beautiful baby in my arms. So warm and gentle and vulnerable. No one should expect me to live without her. She was a part of me. My heart.
Debbie, please come and see me. You are the only person who knows what I am going through. If you don’t want to, could you please phone me again, and write.
I love you.

I was staggered by Sid's letter. The depth of his emotion, his sensitivity and intelligence were far greater than I could have imagined. Here he was, her accused murderer, and he was reaching out to me, professing his love for me.
His anguish was my anguish. He was feeling my loss, my pain - so much so that he was evidently contemplating suicide. He felt that I would understand that. Why had he said that?
I fought my sympathetic reaction to his letter. I could not respond to it, could not be drawn into his life. He had told the police he had murdered my daughter. Maybe he had loved her. Maybe she had loved him. I couldn't become involved with him. I was in too much pain. I couldn't share his pain. I hadn't enough strength.
I began to stuff the letter back in its envelope when I came upon a separate sheet of paper. I unfolded it. It was the poem he'd written about Nancy.

NANCY
You were my little baby girl
And I shared all your fears.
Such joy to hold you in my arms
And kiss away your tears.
But now you’re gone there’s only pain
And nothing I can do.
And I don’t want to live this life
If I can’t live for you.
To my beautiful baby girl.
Our love will never die.

I felt my throat tighten. My eyes burned, and I began to weep on the inside. I was so confused. Here, in a few verses, were the last twenty years of my life. I could have written that poem. The feelings, the pain, were mine. But I hadn't written it. Sid Vicious had written it, the punk monster, the man who had told the police he was 'a dog, a dirty dog.' The man I feared. The man I should have hated, but somehow couldn't.”
Deborah Spungen, And I Don't Want to Live This Life: A Mother's Story of Her Daughter's Murder

“Maybe they'll improve their ability to detect neurological damage. Maybe they'll be able to help someone else's baby. It's too late for Nancy, a generation too late.

It's good to see people opening their eyes to this syndrome that has no name. You tend to close them until it happens to your child. There is no such thing as a child who is not worth saving.”
Deborah Spungen, And I Don't Want to Live This Life: A Mother's Story of Her Daughter's Murder

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