Amber Belldene's Blog, page 11

Naked in the Mud Puddle: on the Vulnerability of Critique

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I confess that I’ve never taken a mud bath.  The closest I’ve ever come was being buried under some very hot enzymatic sawdust.  The cedar flakes went everywhere, and I can only imagine mud gets even more up-close and personal when you bathe in it.  Maybe that’s okay.

I like mud.  It’s rich, it’s fertile, it reminds me of primordial soup.  Mud is the kind of fecund mess that life comes from.

And so is criticism… (Read more on the FFnP Blog, where I am the guest.)

 

Photo courtesy Jonathan Isaacs.

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Two Priests Walk into a Blog

I’m taking a break from promoting Blood Vine today to welcome a guest to my blog.  One day while I was putting my robes on before church, a colleague of mine mentioned the blog Dirty, Sexy Ministry.  I was hooked by the title.  A few days later, I met writer and priest Laurie Brock on Twitter, and from her hilarious tweets, found we have similar interests and a similar sense of humor.  I asked Laurie to be a guest on my blog.

Laurie, I’m so glad you said yes!  Let me buy you a virtual drink and ask you some prying questions.  First off, I really appreciate the playfulness and soulful humor with which you approach your work in the church.  It makes me feel less ridiculous.  What do you think is dirty and sexy about being a priest, or at least the way you do it?

What’s dirty?  So much…where to start.  We get so focused on what’s tidy and pretty about ourselves.  When we’re asked, “So, what’s your weakness?” how many of us spin our weakness into a strength?  Like, well, I work too hard on a task, and I’m a perfectionist, instead of saying, “Well, I’ve weaponized my pain from childhood, and if you try to get too close to me, I will quickly point out your flaws and blame you when I get hurt.”  

Yet our dirty, earthy selves are the most fertile places in our lives.  I am constantly amazed by our souls’ resilience and God’s ability to take the wounds and pain of our lives and create strength in that vulnerability.  What’s dirty is that we have to – HAVE TO – admit those wounds are there.  To say this is hard work is an understatement.  Which is why so many of us give in to the temptation to stay with sexy – the pretty, nice, acceptable, “look how awesome I am” parts of ourselves.  The sexy stuff is the resume material. 

A sure way to tell that we are not comfortable with the dirty parts of our selves and souls is how we take criticism.  The wisest, most secure people I know are perfectly able to hear constructive and destructive criticism without becoming angry or argumentative.  They’ve seen their shadow and their shit, so someone else pointing it out isn’t as a, “Hey, your panties are showing,” moment.  And by the way, this is life-long work.  

That’s really interesting.  Of course, as writers we both have to be able to accept criticism.  And to build on what you’ve said, I think when we accept the messy parts of ourselves, we start finding messy people sexy instead of perfect people.  What do you like most about your work?

I wear fancy clothes.  I mean, I get to wear ornate silk and tapestry dresses every Sunday. 

Just kidding, sort of. 

What I love about being a priest is the honor of being with people on their journey and allowing them to guide me as I offer presence to them and to the community.  Make no mistake, I don’t fix or save anyone.  I am called by my vocation to offer holy space for people to be in their joy and grief, in their celebrations and in their weeping.  I’ve learned that simply being present is no easy thing; our temptation is to want to fix them (as if we could do that).  I hold hands, offer tissues, tell people what they are experiencing sucks, and laugh through the tears with them.  And I get to witness resurrection in people’s lives so often.  I can’t even begin to use words to write about that experience, just that it is awesome and humbling all at the same time.

I also love that I get to wear fancy clothes. 

People have a lot of expectations about what it means to be a Christian clergy person.  What would surprise them about you?

It shouldn’t surprise anyone, but I love Jesus and I swear.  I swear when I pray, even.  And I like really classic, my-wife-left-and-my-dog-died-and-I’m-drunk country music.  It’s some of the best spiritual music out there.

And that I’m a real person.  Being a priest is part of who I am, not my entire being.  I get angry.  I wonder and doubt.  I don’t always feel completely holy and spiritual when I’m leading worship.  I whine.  I have clay feet.  I am a woman first and being a priest is part of who I am, not all of who I am.  To keep that distinction is a challenge.  Mary and I both have a saying:  Don’t believe the hype.  Being a priest means a constant challenge of not believing the hype about how holy you are or should be.  We are never as awesome as we think we are, and we are never as wretched as we think we are. 

And I love men in jeans and cowboy boots who ride horses.  *sigh*

Just one more thing we have in common.  I remember when you kindly sent me that Christmas present—a picture of Timothy Olyphant, who we both love, via Twitter.  Don’t let anyone fool you, people–this is what Twitter is for!  Okay, Laurie, if you were going to do any other kind of work besides being a priest, what would you like to do?

I’d be a writer, which I am, so that works out well (another thing I love about being a priest is that I get to do all sorts of things – write, preach, play games with kids, create art, sing – it’s the vaudeville of jobs).  I’d also be pretty happy working in a horse barn.  Which I do, as well (I work in the barn – I do not get paid for it, which is fine with me).  

I could also be a really good famous person who is famous for no particular reason. 

Do you have a favorite book with a clergy person as a character?

Julia Spenser-Fleming’s Clare Fergusson.  That she’s a priest is one aspect of her character, not the whole of who she is.  She’s funny, flawed, and a damn good detective.  She gets herself into trouble because she cares and she can’t quit asking questions.  She makes messes and helps when she can.  That sums up most of us.

What is your favorite romance novel and why?

I really like Charlaine Harris’s books – all of them.  She’s written more than just the Sookie Stackhouse books.  Her characters are beautiful messes who keep walking through life and believing in love.

DO NOT hand me a book where the heroine is an innocent (and usually an idiot) and she finds a flawed man and her love saves him.  Bleh.   

“Beautiful Messes” is a great phrase!  It captures the poignancy of what makes a good character, and a good human, being for that matter.  I love the title of your book, Where God Hides Holiness.  Can you please tell us the answer?

My co-author Mary and I have bracelets that say, “God hides holiness in my beautiful mess.”  So, yes, I think that’s where God hides holiness.  Not so much that God hides it, as we refuse to look for the beautiful parts of our souls and selves in our messiness and in our brokenness.   We want to offer God our most perfect parts, which are rarely our deepest, authentic selves.  The major players in our stories of faith – matriarchs, patriarchs, saints – are all very, very human.  They disobey, piss off their family, engage in all sorts of scandalous actions, and act so outrageously that our culture kills them (most saints die very unpleasant deaths).  And yet, they are the heart and soul of our faith.  Read, learn, and inwardly digest.

Laurie and I have in common a love of paranormal books and T.V.  Why do you think people like vampires?  Do you have a theory about their appeal? Or their spiritual significance?  How about Zombies?

I think we are fascinated with the darkness and the shadow because we are so fearful of our own.  There’s also something deeply sexy about powerful creatures who are other than human, yet must live a very parasitic life to exist.  That almost every culture has myths about creatures of the night – vampires, werewolves, etc. says something about our common desire to meet those parts of ourselves. 

Everything in life has spiritual significance.  One of the underlying themes of Bram Stoker’s Dracula was a commentary against the power of the Church that sucked the life out of people.  Werewolves speak to a wildness that exists in all humans that is so often killed by rules and expectations and can only run wild on very limited occasions.  And zombies?  Haven’t we all been nothing but a shell of who were were because of the actions of someone else? 

I’m really disturbed by our need to make monsters nice and pretty.  Vampires don’t sparkle.  They suck blood out of living things to survive.  Werewolves hunt and kill.  Zombies eat the living.  When we clean up the myth to make it pretty, we are saying volumes about our own discomfort with the messy, scary, and wild parts of our selves and our culture.  I worry about the bigger implications.  Yay for The Walking Dead, because it shows the monster zombies and the monster humans.  But I’m waiting for the zombie movie where the zombie has a heart of gold and her love saves him. 

I  think it’s slightly hilarious that both Mary and I use vampires and zombies in our book to elaborate on our spiritual existence for a time. 

Okay.   Here are some fun questions to let folks know exactly what is underneath your voluminous vestments.

Red wine or white? Red, unless it’s really hot in the summer.  But mostly red.  I even got a great bottle of zombie-themed red wine for Christmas.  Oh, does my congregation know me.

Coffee or tea? Coffee in the morning.  Tea in the evening. (Gee, how Episcopalian)

Vampires or werewolves? Werewolves

Sexy angels or sexy demons? Demons.  I like the bad boys.  They’re so much more honest than the people who pretend to be so good and holy and nice, then show their true mean selves.  Oh, wait, this question is about fictional things…. 

Romance novel or mystery novel?  I tend to like mysteries better, and I usually read the end.  Yes, yes I do.  And I don’t apologize. 

Cassock or Alb?  My cassock makes me look thinner.  It’s custom made,a giftfrom my sponsoring parish (the church that sent me to seminary).  I always appreciate a gift that gets used regularly, and I have very fond memories of that parish. 

Father, Son or Holy Spirit?  Hmm.  What about Mother?  God, I’d just say God.  There’s something overwhelming and amazing about a presence that is so vast and yet to intimate. 

Laurie, thank you so much for being on my blog.  I truly cannot wait to read your book.

Buy Where God Hides Holiness on Amazon

Buy Where God Hides Holiness on Barnes & Noble

Follow Laurie on Twitter

Dirty, Sexy Ministry Blog.

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Blood Vine release week wrap up: News & #Giveaways

What a whirlwind week, after waiting so long for my book to be publised!  I’ve been jumping up and down to see Blood Vine up for sale, and to hear from so many readers at once!  Seriously, hearing from readers is THE COOLEST THING about writing!

Okay–back to being dignified: Let’s just say that it has been incredibly fun and satisfying. Sincere thanks to everyone who has purchased a copy, written a review, or commented on a blog the tour!

News

This week, I was featured on the SF Bay Guardian’s local, sex-positive Blog.  The hilarious headline was Local Clergy Summons Sexy Undead.

I was also featured on Parents.com’s Mom Must Read Blog, and what its author Kristin Kemp said about me and Blood Vine was very sweet.

Give Aways

There are still tons of giveaways open at my blog tour stops, and you can catch up on excerpts, character interviews, and more.

A Bibliophiles Thoughts on Books (ebook giveaway AND a pair of Kastel Estate wine glasses)

Meet Zoey here: DforDarla’s Definite Reads  (ebook giveaway)

One of my favorites: Andre interview me on A Life Bound By Books (ebook giveaway)

A fun post with Andre from 1926 at Midnyte Reader (ebook giveaway AND a pair of Kastel Estate wine glasses)

Open Book Society  (ebook giveaway)

An Author Interview at Good Choice Reading (ebook giveaway)

An excerpt The Unread Reader (ebook giveaway)

An excerpt, teaser and awesome review at Read-Love-Blog.com  (ebook giveaway)

Thanks to Lisa at a Life Bound by Books for organizing such a great tour!

Likes and Tags

Did you know that Amazon likes, tags, and reviews help sell books?  The reviews don’t have to be five-star.  But in Amazon’s secret calculations for how they list and suggest books, the sheer quantity of these that a book has determines whether Amazon recommends it to shoppers.  So if you haven’t yet, I’d really appreciate it if you had to the time to like and tag the book on Amazon.  And, if you are so inclined, writing an honest review also helps, because it helps people find a book they will truly enjoy.  The more reviews the better, even if they are not all five-star. Blood Vine on Amazon.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Blood Vine’s hero, Andre, interviews me! + #giveaway

Phew!  I survived my release day yesterday.  What a rush!  It’s been amazing & fun to get messages from people who are enjoying Blood Vine.

And to celebrate I went out for a glass of wine with three of the smartest, most interesting writers in the world.  When we started talking shop, that wine bar didn’t know what hit them!

Today I’m being interviewed by Andre, the hero of Blood Vine, over on the blog A Life Bound by Books.  I hope you’ll stop by, as Andre really gives me an earful, and you’ll get a good glimpse at why I love him.

 

 

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A Blood Vine excerpt, character interview and #giveaways

In anticipation of Blood Vine‘s release tomorrow, I am on two blogs today giving away two e-book copies and a pair of these cool wine glasses, straight from the Kaštel Estate Winery.

There’s a never-seen-before excerpt over at A Bibliophile’s Thoughts on Books, which tells a little secret about Andre and Zoey.

And there’s a revealing interview about work/life balance with my heroine Zoey Porter in a women’s business magazine over at D for Darla’s.

Fingers crossed that the retailers cooperate, you should be able to buy print and ebooks on Amazon, Barnes and Noble, Kobo, etc, tomorrow.  I think you’ll even be able to order a print copy of Blood Vine inside a Barnes and Noble store.

 

Thanks to all the friends and readers who are sharing in my excitement!  Let’s hope I’ll have enough time to finish my final read-through of the sequel and send it off to Omnific this week!

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Five reasons this priest writes racy vampire romance.

First off: Below this post are links to add Blood Vine to your Goodreads shelf and enter the giveaway.

And now for the list: I enjoy the little expressions of surprise people have when they discover that I am a priest who writes paranormal romance.  But I thought I’d take a stab at clarifying some common misconceptions about priests, vampires, and sex, so no one is shocked or confused when they read Blood Vine.

Number Five:

I know some people think that vampires are evil, and reading about them might leave us open to demonic forces.

But usually the poor blood suckers in books don’t want to be evil—they just want to be loved.   And besides, my vampires aren’t evil, or cursed by God, or anything like that.  They are just an evolutionary fluke (oops, another can of worms).

Number Four:

If you’ve never read it, you might not realize that the Bible is full of sex—there’s the Song of Songs, Ruth, David, and the list goes on.

Therefore, in my humble opinion, other books about sex are okay too.

Number Three:

Sex isn’t sinful, but it is primal and animal.

Sexuality is also potent—that secret arena where we work out our emotional issues.  It can be dark and dangerous, shameful, blissful, transcendent, and sometimes all of the above at once.  It can also be staid and boring– but I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.  Even if I didn’t like them.

Number Two:

Romance novels happen to follow the same formula as my wedding sermons, and trust me, people always like those—you’ll laugh, you’ll cry, then you’ll do the chicken dance.

Number One:

When we surrender to pleasure and intimacy, we lose ourselves to something bigger than just our puny little egos, and that is holy.

*  *  *

I love the genre of romance, and its best authors capture everything I’ve just said—the passionate, animal, emotional, conflicted truth about human sexuality.  So I wrote a romance novel.  Blood Vine is a paranormal romance novel like many others.  It’s not  spiritual, and you’d never know I’m a priest from reading the book.  But I stand by it.  And as a person with deep spiritual convictions, I’m proud to have written it.

It releases January 8th, and if you’re interested in reading it, you can add it to your TBR shelf on Goodreads.

You can also enter the giveaway to win a copy on Goodreads.

 

In case you haven’t seen it yet, here is the trailer, with amazing music by Kitka:

 

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Six Sentence Sunday — Dec 30

Poor Andre.  Having Zoey in his home really upsets his already burdensome life.  Nine days until Blood Vine is released, and you can find out what happens.  Until then, here are six more sentences from Andre’s point of view:

Worse, he already hungered again. Zoey had only been there for a few hours and he smelled her throughout his house. Early in his exile, he had trained himself to ignore the constant hunger. But her scent made him think about sex and thinking about sex made it impossible to forget his need for blood. He was newly aware of the ache in his starving muscles, the stinging fatigue of his eyes, and the sluggishness of his thoughts.  He needed to feed, even if it would not satisfy for long.

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Six more sentences From Blood Vine 12/23

Happy Holidays to everyone!

This Christmas is  especially fun for me because my debut novel’s release is right around the corner.  Fingers crossed, Blood Vine will be available Jan 8.  I hope these six sentences get you excited about the connection between Zoey and Andre.  We’re in her point of view here, the first time she tastes his mysterious wine:

She brought her glass to her mouth and glanced at Andre to find him watching. She lowered her lids and concentrated, but when the wine hit her tongue, she opened them wide again.

She ran her tongue along the back of her teeth, searching out words for the astonishing mixture of flavors in her mouth. “It’s as thick as blood…and it tastes like sunshine… and raisins, and peppery licorice.”

The flecks in his green eyes glittered. “Yes, Zoey, it does.” For the first time, he didn’t call her Ms. Porter.

And be sure to check out the other authors participating in Six Sentence Sunday at the website or on twitter at the hashtag #SixSunday.

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How Romance Novels Heal the World

I’m wearing my priest hat over on the website Episcopal Cafe today with an essay called “How Romance Novels Heal the World.”

Here is a little teaser: “I am convinced that genres with happy endings are not superficial, but profoundly hopeful and spiritual. They train us to believe in redemption and look for possibility…”

 

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Two author interviews: Blood Vine and my weird writing habits.

Ice Cream, pickles, the Odyssey, seminary, and video games that involve killing Zombies!

Cynthia Woolf, author of cowboy and SciFi romances, interviews me about all my weird writing habits today on her blog.

Favorite song, favorite painting, most nostalgic memory?

Journalist and talented YA author Kristina Perez hosts me on her awesome site: The Madeleine Project, where she uses the Proust Questionnaire to interview authors, agents, and editors.

 

 

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