Susan Cottrell's Blog, page 55

The Woman Forgiven for Adultery

Remember the story of “Jesus Scattering Townspeople and Self-Righteous Men in the Name of Mercy and Justice”? Oh right, you may know it as, “The Woman Caught in Adultery.” I love that Jesus instantly knew the hearts of everyone involved. I love how Jesus never falls for any of it. I love that He lets her go!

It seems we rarely marvel at the whole picture of what is going on here. Instead – out of the entire story – many focus on Jesus’ parting words, translated, “Go and sin no more.” It’s also been translated to the softer, “Go and leave your life of sin,” but that doesn’t quite get it either. Instead, the translation I learned as a young Christian captures the heart of the situation and Jesus’ heart for people.

Jesus was not admonishing her to go do better, but inviting her to life, to His life. His message to this woman is, in essence: “You don’t have to live this way.” That is, “I offer you so much more than anything you’ve ever known.” This is true for several reasons.

First, let’s take a look at the setting: this woman had just been caught in adultery – most likely by the men who set it up to entrap Jesus (notice the man involved was not also caught). This is certainly not the first time they put their heads together to concoct a plan to bring Him down.

She is dragged out to the public square as an adulteress. Before Jesus. Before the crowd. Naked. Can you simply imagine the shame? I shudder to think of it. She knew that the consequence was to immediately be stoned to death.

Jesus then does the remarkable. Obviously stuck, obviously backed into a corner by these clever men who have succeeded in entrapping Him, Jesus has absolutely no way out. No way. Until He opens His mouth.

“You who are without sin cast the first stone.” The crowd is stunned. Flummoxed. This is not the way these situations were dealt with… ever. It takes a minute, but slowly the older men and then the younger ones drop their stones and turn away (most likely with guilt of their intended entrapment ringing in their ears, in addition to who-knows-what other skeletons they had hidden away). Only Jesus could have given such a mind-boggling response. Time and again in Scripture, Jesus circumvents their yes-or-no questions and gives an answer they never thought possible.

Then He turns to the woman. “Does no one condemn you?” “No one, Sir.” “Neither do I condemn you.” What?? You don’t? Why not? You have every right to condemn me under the law. Isn’t that what You do? Apparently not. But why not? That is part of the key to the puzzle of His following remark.

If Jesus used “Go and sin no more” as a mandate to go and rid her life of any sinful thought of action, He would have implied some condition, even though it came after her release. Like the policeman who lets you off with a warning might say, “Now, keep your speed down.” (Not that I have personal experience with this one…) The implication is, “I’m going to let you off this time, but don’t push your luck – and get out of here before I change my mind.” (That’s often the feel of, “Go and sin no more.”)

The trouble is, nobody goes and sins no more. Everybody sins and sins and sins. If she had the power to meet her own needs, or rid herself of her own sins, she would not have been tricked into this in the first place. Forget the heart, this interpretation would say. Forget dependence on God and just change your own behavior. But this is a fragmented concept, as if real change comes from the outside in, instead of inside out. Jesus always starts with the inside.

Further, if we think Jesus had to warn the woman in adultery not to do it again, we don’t grasp the situation. I’m pretty sure she got the message right then and there that if by some miracle she did not die on the spot from embarrassment, or from stoning, she would never, ever, no never, get caught in this situation, ever, again. The trouble is not voluntarily choosing to be in that situation again; the question is, how? How do I constantly find myself on the raw end of the deal? Why do I keep letting men like this take advantage of me? Why do I do this over and over again? How in the world do I find a way out from my broken and wounded heart? Anybody so shamed and humiliated would be searching for a way out, vowing never to let this happen again. That was the question Jesus answered! He always answers our real need! For Him to say, “You don’t have to live this way,” was astounding news for this woman! I don’t? She had to ask herself. No, Jesus was telling her, you don’t.

Jesus here makes an offer of deep healing. Jesus offers to make us a new creation, to break the bond of sin and death! He would not reduce his earth-shattering offer of life to a silly throwaway line that simply gives her more of the Pharisee’s lifeless medicine. That sounds more like exactly what Jesus criticized the Pharisees for, rather than reflecting the true, heart-focused Jesus.

“You don’t have to live this way” is consistent with Jesus’ offer to the woman at the well, whom He did not tell to stop living with her boyfriend, but instead offered her so much more than the scraps she was receiving. Likewise, He offers the woman caught in adultery freedom from the likes of these men who set up and expected her execution.

Jesus had compassion on the tenderhearted and showed them their need for Him. He never, ever shamed or humiliated people but instead gave them hope! Jesus soundly chastised only one group in His earthly life: the self-righteous religious leaders. This is the mode throughout His interactions. Come to Me for rest and peace and life – I will give you life. Rules don’t give life; rules produce death. To say, “Stop doing this,” would only heap death upon her shame and humiliation. But Jesus never did that! On the contrary, He heals the brokenhearted, He lifts our head, He offers hope and life.

To reduce Jesus’ words to “Go and sin no more” is to reduce the gravity of sin. It reduces Jesus’ work as some kind of moral cleanup instead of life from death! The only way to convince ourselves we’re able to “go and sin no more” is to reduce sin to something manageable. But Jesus said the very thought of sin is sin. He showed us that our sin is so large, so deeply rooted, and so unmanageable, that the only solution is to recognize that we desperately need Him!

The next time this interpretation is thrown at you as evidence of the seriousness of sin, as if you are not taking sin seriously enough because you don’t tell somebody to stop sinning, I entreat you to pause. Ask Jesus what to say. As hard as it is for humans to grasp a free-and-clear pardon, that is what Jesus offers. Don’t set that down and take up self-reform. Instead, let Him shape you personally, from the inside out, so that the sin areas fall away, replaced by the love, joy, peace, patience, kindness and other attributes only the Spirit can bring. That is what He does!

Click here to read “Why We Are Asking the Wrong Question”

Filed under: Abiding In Christ, Christian Gay Community, Love

Never Make Your Kids Feel Ashamed of Who They Are

Shame. It says, “There is something fundamentally wrong with me.” It is the lie at the very root of our identity. If I did something wrong, I can apologize and make amends. But if I am fundamentally wrong, what hope do I have?

Our greatest need is to be loved, to belong, to be accepted as we are. Shame says the exact opposite – that we do not fit in, are not acceptable as is and, fundamentally, are not lovable. Shame is the fundamental lie that keeps us separate, and it wreaks havoc in self-hatred and self-rejection.

Jesus never shames us. Neither does He give us permission to shame each other. Brene Brown has done paradigm-shifting work on shame, and one particular finding about men and shame is earth-shattering.

“When looking at the traits associated with masculinity in the US, the researchers identified the following: winning, emotional control, risk-taking, violence, dominance, playboy, self-reliance, primacy of work, power over women, disdain for homosexuality, and pursuit of status. Understanding these lists and what they mean is critically important to understanding shame…” says Brene Brown.

Isn’t that a shock? “For men,” Brown says, “there’s a cultural message that promotes homophobic cruelty. If you want to be masculine in our culture, it’s not enough to be straight – you must also show an outward disgust for the gay community.”

This is a very serious situation. Shame has been foisted into various groups throughout history. Minority ethnic groups. Women. Children. LGBTQ. Especially vulnerable today in our highly aggressive culture are teenagers, and parents have a keen responsibility to protect their children from shame, to counter the shame they will face from the outside world, and to help them refrain from inflicting shame themselves. LGBTQ teens are the most vulnerable, not only from their own often unexpected self-discoveries, but from the learned disdain for homosexuality they face day after day. Parents cannot always ward off the disdain from without, but they can provide an oasis of life and belonging that makes a world of difference. However unsure you may be about many aspects of this issue, your task of offering support and safety to your teen is undeniable.

Focus on the Family website calls homosexuality “a particularly evil lie of satan.” They claim homosexuality uniquely distorts the Triune image of God, UNLIKE masturbation, pornography, molestation or rape. How does that possibly make sense? Masturbation is solitary, not reflective of the triune image of God. Pornography is non-relational fantasy pretending to be relational – except that the image of the person requires no sacrifice, no give and take, no living with your partner “in an understanding way.” Rape and sexual abuse are among the most devastating, victimizing sins, and desecrate interactive relationship as perhaps nothing else. To portray homosexuality as uniquely reprehensible is in itself a particularly evil lie of satan, even for those who intractably consider it a sin, and is especially offensive to survivors of sexual abuse.

As shocked as some parents may be to hear their child is gay, it is important to take care that your reaction never communicates shame, on your part or theirs. To single out homosexuality heaps piles of shame on a situation already challenging in a variety of ways does something Jesus never told us to do. If you believe homosexuality is intrinsically harmful and sinful, then you can let the conviction come from God from within; Shame is not the same as conviction. (If God does not convict someone’s homosexuality, why should we?)

God Himself does not shame us. Even when He changes our behavior, He never does it in a way that says we are unlovable and unworthy. He points out our need for Him, in no uncertain terms – a need based on our human depravity in a fallen world, not any particular behavior we find heinous. Throughout all of it, He goes out is His way to tell us we are His beloved. It is time to let go of how we categorize our disapproval, and instead let God do the convicting.

Click here to read “Why Hoping for Change Can Hurt”

Click here to read “To Christian Parents of Gay Children”

Filed under: Christian Gay Community, Love, Parenting

Stop “Acting Like a Christian”

“I wasn’t allowed to go to the fair,” he told me, “because I had become a Christian. My mother said, ‘Christians don’t go to the fair.’ But since my brother Bill was not a Christian, he was allowed to go.”

What?

This was Jim’s explanation — after I’d shared my faith with him — of his apathy toward anything faith-related. This was the taste in his mouth about Jesus. Somewhere along the way (youth group, pastor, friend) he heard this astounding offer of a Jesus who would not only save him from his sin but also restore the broken pieces, soar his heart to new heights. But once he said “Yes!” he was handed a yardstick — which completely undermined the work God was doing in his life.

So let me get this straight. When you’re not a Christian, you can do whatever the heck you want. But once you’re Christian, you’re caged. Stuck. Because you might embarrass God.

A tragic story.

In truth, it should be the other way around. Christians should be the freest of all. Rules are for those who don’t have Christ. If the son of God makes you free, you are free indeed. It is for freedom that Christ is set you free. You shall know the truth, Jesus, and the truth, Jesus, will set you free free free.

How about something more like this: “Sure, Jim, you can go to the fair. Why not? Have fun!! You have the Spirit of the living God in you. But Bill? I don’t know. You don’t have Jesus in your life — who knows what will happen?? You’d better stay home.” Of course we wouldn’t say that either — accepting Christ in not a bargaining chip. But if it were, it should bargain in favor of the one whose life is in Christ!

Jesus comes in and makes your life new. Then He begins to work, from the inside out, so that the outside aligns more and more closely to the inside He has already transformed. It always works that way. The old outside — those sin habits you developed to help you cope with the broken inside — will begin to no longer suit you.

If you begin a health cleanse, the detox will begin on the inside and flush the toxins out to the surface. If your skin breaks out, don’t take it as evidence that the cleanse doesn’t work but that it does! You just have to give it time. If we put on some kind of ointment to clear up the breakout, we actually hinder the process.

Why do we have it backwards? Why don’t we rest in what God is doing? I suspect we are a little afraid either of turning people away from God by our mistakes — or even turning God away from us. If we let that in, it’s pretty hard to bear.

But that is completely the wrong focus. It completely underestimates God. As CS Lewis said, you don’t have to defend a lion. Just let the lion go and he will defend himself. We forget that God can defend His own image.

He is doing so much more than we realize, even apart from us. What He’s really asked from us is to love Him and love others. He’ll pretty much do the rest.

Click here to link to a phenomenal teaching about how to focus on the relationship instead of the rules (starting at about 8 minutes on, especially). Phe. Nomenal.

We can rest. Enjoy our freedom in Christ. And know that He has our process right in His hands.

Click here to read “A Tale of Two Trees”

Filed under: Abiding In Christ, Christian Gay Community, Parenting

When Do You Learn God’s Grace?

“Thank God I’m an alcoholic — because otherwise I wouldn’t have known grace!” JP

We dislike trials. We hate difficulties or roadblocks or obstacles. We want nothing insurmountable because we want to be strong enough to surmount anything. After all, we like to feel good about ourselves, and we like to know that whatever happens, we will know how to work around it.

But when things don’t work out and we begin to feel powerless, we have to look beyond ourselves. When we fall on our face, we have to reach up for help. We need to experience God’s grace.

I’ve hit the wall more than once in my life. I have not been shipwrecked by alcohol or drugs, but my idols have been deceptively dangerous for their insidiousness. I’ve been taken down by pride, craved approval, acted the know-it-all. I’ve driven my family crazy by constant micromanaging. And like JP in the quote above, I’ve hit the skids and slid off into the ditch when my self-effort failed me.

But only when we’ve failed do we experience God’s grace. Not before. When we’ve biffed it badly, then we see just how deep and rich and comprehensive is God’s grace. When we’re out of grace for ourselves, then we can experience the full measure of His grace. It’s not the healthy who need a doctor but the sick.

My mentor told me years ago that one thing angels don’t experience is God’s grace, because they don’t need it. Well, I am grateful for my many trials for many reasons, but mostly because they have shown me God’s grace.

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weakness, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” 2 Corinthians 12:9

Click here to read “What Do You Do When Your Son is Gay?”

Filed under: Abiding In Christ, Christian Gay Community, Love

Answers You’ve Been Asking For

Beloveds, we have faced so much in these volatile days. My heart goes out to Christians torn by their compassion for the LGBTQ and their sense of duty to uphold their moral standard. I continue to pray for God’s revelation to everyone on every side of this issue.

I am always moved by Jesus’ answers when He is challenged on points of any debate. The religious leaders tried to trap Him at every turn: paying taxes, the resurrection, divorce. What culture or line of thinking doesn’t try to get people on their side? But Jesus did not choose sides. He disarmed questioners with His surprising answers. That is where I want to live — outside the obvious, beyond the Tree of Knowledge by which we determine right and wrong in our own strength, and living straight from the Tree of Life. His Life.

Below are questions I’ve been asked by sincere believers who feel obligated to uphold their interpretation of God’s principles. I answer them because I think they deserve an answer. (I also put them a new FAQ page.) But I entreat you to seek God’s heart for this issue, as He has revealed compassion for the powerless, the hurting, anyone who needed Him (sinning or not).

I do not question the veracity of the Bible. But every generation has believed their interpretation to be true and without error. Yet every generation has been proven to have faulty interpretations somewhere along the way. (The Bible has been used to prove a flat earth, an earth-centered universe, prohibition of interracial marriage, the inferiority of women, and burning of witches.) We are wise to expect that we are wrong somewhere, and we don’t know where. (If we knew, we’d stop being wrong.) Instead, we would be wise to hold our interpretations lightly and follow our Jesus wholeheartedly. I appreciate your taking your role as a follower seriously, and I pray for the very heart of Christ to be revealed.

Q: Do you believe it’s a sin to be gay?

A: First, let me distinguish between same-sex attraction and homosexual behavior. Being gay means being attracted to the same sex, even if you’ve never acted on that attraction. We cannot control who we’re attracted to — even those who believe that homosexual behavior is a sin must concede that being attracted to the same sex is not a sin. (Jesus was tempted in all things, yet was without sin, Hebrews 4:15.) As for the behavior, I believe this is what Paul would call a disputable issue. Some issues are clear and talked about very frequently in scripture, adding to our certainty about them; other issues are not, and become a matter of individual interpretations and personal conviction. The Bible tells us that the Holy Spirit will guide us in all truth, John 16:13. Some gay Christians feel convicted about homosexual activity and choose to be celibate; no one can impose that on someone else. Other gay Christians do not feel so convicted, and no one should impose on them either. (This is not to say that all of Scripture is relative or that God doesn’t ever speak clearly, but some issues are not central to salvation and the church has agreed to disagree; I believe, from the testimonies and Scripture around this issue, that this is one of them.)

Q. Doesn’t the Bible have many verses that soundly condemn homosexuality?

A. No. Out of the Bible’s 31,103 verses, homosexuality is referenced in only 6-7 (depending on interpretation). In my understanding, those verses basically refer to idolatrous practices of the time, including idolatry, male prostitution and rape. The important thing is that the verses simply aren’t clear (the Greek word in two of them is actually found nowhere else in the Bible or even in outside texts at the time), which leads me to the conviction that this is a disputable issue. There are many other issues that the church has agreed to disagree on — such as baptism and women’s roles — and the Bible tells us how to deal with disputable issues according to our own conscience (1 Corinthians 8 and 10:28-30). Check this for a full treatment. You can also click here and here for other links from my Resources page.

Q. Doesn’t marriage equality threaten the culture?

A. I have not seen a single convincing study that says same-sex marriage will harm the state of marriage as it is now. In fact, heterosexual marriage is in a mess as it is, with high divorce rates, high remarriage rates, no-fault divorce. To leave a whole segment of the population without recourse for marriage is unjust and goes against the principles of freedom that this nation was founded on. To continue to subject gays to special condemnation threatens the culture. Those who talk about losing their ability to speak out for their own beliefs are still talking about rights they fear losing, not rights they are content to deny others, which should further their empathy with those who do not have rights of their own.

Q. Wouldn’t acceptance of my gay friend/family member just condone their “sin”?

A. No. Our job is not to approve or disapprove, but to point people to Christ, who can speak into lives much more effectively than any of us! Jesus did not tell us to police each other. He did tell us to love God and love others — which is a focus on the heart. Christians are often consumed with behavior, but Jesus focuses completely on the heart. It’s God’s job to deal with our lives. We rest in Him and He will direct. If we would focus even half as much on loving others as we do on judging others’ behavior, the world would be a different place – a place more like the kingdom of God.

Q. What do you mean, Jesus addresses the heart, not the sin, when He told the woman to “go and sin no more”?

A. Jesus words really mean, “Go and leave your life of sin; in me, you don’t have to live this kind of life; I have so much more for you!” He is not saying, just gut it up and resolve not to do this stuff. He never advocates self-effort to get ourselves together. This woman caught in adultery had just been dragged naked to the public square and narrowly missed the death penalty. She had been deluged in a tsunami of humiliation, judgment and fear, and Jesus in His beautiful and compassion-drenched way, saved her! To treat “go and sin no more” as a judgmental warning is to say it is throwing a cup of water on after the tsunami. Instead, as always, Jesus gave her a power-packed invitation. “You don’t have to live this way! You deserve so much more as a child in God’s image than scraps from those who are just using you. I will give you life!” Jesus offers LIFE. To focus on sin is to shove His uncontainable offer into a teacup. Also, it was Jesus who was saying this, which is exactly the point. God is the one who is capable of truly convicting of sin in a way that is constructive, not condemning, in a voice of tenderness rather then judgment.

Q. Didn’t God destroy Sodom and Gomorrah because of homosexuality?

A. No. God destroyed Sodom because of their horrible humiliation of travelers in a culture that required hospitality, demonstrated by their attempt to shame by gang raping the visitors to Lot’s house (Genesis 19). “Behold, this was the guilt of your sister Sodom: she and her daughters had arrogance, abundant food and careless ease, but she did not help the poor and needy,” Ezekiel 16:49. See Matthew Vines’ and Justin Lee’s links on Resources.

Q. Don’t you believe we must speak the truth in love?

A. Absolutely. The truth is Jesus loves us. The truth is Jesus can bring about the growth any of us need. The truth is Jesus. Paul uses the phrase “speaking the truth in love” when he is reminding believers of who they are in Christ. It is a positive appeal to the new creation they now are — a far cry from using it to beat people over the head with their issues. In light of that new creation are Paul’s words about love or Jesus’ words to take the plank out of your own eye.

Q. If someone believes homosexuality is a sin, how is it loving not to tell them?

A. Whenever I hear this, I think of Brennan Manning, in the gutter from alcohol, whose friend flew in to see him every other week, to sit with him in the gutter and to take him to breakfast. “He didn’t try to change me,” he said, “he just loved me.” He said just being there was the most loving thing he could have done.

Even if I were convinced homosexuality is a sin, it would not be my job to change it. The church has tried for many years and inflicted much harm. Jesus did not tell us to convict others of their sin; Jesus did tell us to love others beyond all reason, going extra miles and turning cheeks. Any verses about confronting other believers are for church structure rather than person to person. The ones that are person to person are about making amends and praying for your persecutors, not correcting.

Q. Shouldn’t we restrict homosexuality just to be on the safe side?

A. No! To cover our bases spits on the cross. We should love just to be on the safe side. The Galatians likewise were told they should get circumcised “just in case,” and Paul said he wished those detractors would go ahead and emasculate themselves! That’s as strong a language as you can use! But their suggestion combines salvation through works with the saving grace of Christ, as if His redemption of us is incomplete. That’s why Paul rightfully condemns it as blasphemous.

Q. What if you are wrong and homosexuality is completely condemned in the Bible?

A. Whether you are convinced that homosexuality is wrong, or if you are convicted that we have misinterpreted these scriptures — either way, we are called to love, and we have done a poor job of it. God is well able to guide us in His truth — on any issue at any time. If people sincerely seek Him and miss His leading, God is still bigger than that. Jesus railed only on the self-sufficient, self-righteous, not the tender-hearted who humbly seek Him. If you are interested in bringing healing to this area in which we have failed to show the love of Christ to a large segment of the population, who now feel that Jesus is not for them, then this blog is for you.

Q. Are you really going to question thousands of years of church tradition?

A. No generation of Christians is ever fully correct, because it is always comprised of humans. Every generation has some revelation. How else do we remain dependent on God? God DOES reveal in shocking ways that dash cherished beliefs we were CERTAIN were true. Peter was so shocked by God’s instruction to eat non-kosher, he had to see it three time in a vision. That’s after a lifetime of eating kosher. As big as that was, eating non-kosher was nothing compared to the new thing God was doing by opening His offer of salvation to the Gentiles! Do you think the chosen people of the time had a hard time with that? Even harder than to say that God may not have the problem with homosexuality that people do? Absolutely. Make no mistake that God’s revelation to Peter went against his cherished, lifelong beliefs — and went against the scripture he lived by. We must put the living word above the written word, not because the written word is flawed, but because our interpretation of it is flawed. In some way, we have our interpretation wrong, because we are human, and it is impossible for us to have perfect knowledge. We’re too close to our errors to see them. The Pharisees absolutely venerated the word, yet they missed the Messiah! Copernicus knew the earth revolved around the sun, but his work about that couldn’t be published until after his death to avoid persecution of the church. The church is a very big ship to turn. One hundred years later, Galileo was put on trial for affirming what Copernicus had discovered – again, to be persecuted by the church. But as we know now beyond any doubt, the church was wrong. The Bible was not wrong, but the interpretation was wrong. The trouble is when we cannot separate our interpretation from the inerrancy of the Bible itself — we believe our interpretation is the only way. Those verses look air-tight at a glance, but upon real, open inspection, following where the evidence leads and not where we think it leads, we find we may not interpreted them correctly. I will not live and die on the interpretation; I will live and die on being OPEN to having misinterpreted them.

Click here to read “Why We Are All Asking the Wrong Question”

Filed under: Christian Gay Community, Love

So This is How Rejection Feels

I had a big argument with someone very close to me today, a mentor. Someone I love very much. She was angry at me for my blog, saying I am being unfair to Christians who are kind and loving, that it goes both ways, that we hear only stories of Christians’ anger toward LGBTQ instead of love?

She told me about a Christian woman who had served two gay men for years in her printing business, but finally said she could not print their wedding invitations because it went against her beliefs as a Christian. And they sued her. (I wondered if she ever printed invitations for weddings for non-Christians or second marriages.) Sigh.

It hurts to be at odds with someone I love. I don’t know where it will go from here. And I have lost other friends. Even my kids have been unfriended because of my blog. That doesn’t really seem right, does it? Dissension on a tough topic is not really welcome among Christians.

But all the while, these words came to me: I am not called to be fair. As a Christian, I am called to share the love of Christ regardless of the response. I am called to go two miles with someone who required only one. I am called to love my neighbor. If someone sues me for my shirt, I am to give him my coat as well. I’m called to be the love of Christ, even when it requires great sacrifice. I am the one with the Spirit of the Living God in me — it’s the very least I can do. I am to give to others out of His overabundant love. If I am taken advantage of, oh well.

I know as I write this how outrageous it sounds, to love so radically. But Jesus said outrageous things, until the religious leaders killed Him. I don’t have the answers to the questions around this issue. But I do know the way we treat each other has to change. People who discover their same-sex attraction invariably plead with God to take it away (because of the rejection they know is coming), but He rarely does. Many who go through “reorientation” become self-loathing and suicidal. (When has a Christian become suicidal because of their treatment by the LGBTQ?) Some people come to peace with their same-sex attraction. Some seek a longterm same-sex relationship. Some commit to lifelong celibacy. Jesus calls us to love people where they are, not where we wish they were.

My calling always is to help people find peace on the Tree of Life rather than clinging to the Tree of Knowledge. I’m sorry if you are a Christian who is offended by what I write. I can’t help it. I’m not writing it to offend; I’m writing to extend the love of Christ. We have no excuse to do otherwise. I pray that you will join me.

Click Here to Read “A Mom, Some Gays, and the Bible”

Filed under: Abiding In Christ, Christian Gay Community, Love

What if Straight was Gay and Gay was Straight?

Bullying is devastating. If you have experienced it, you know what I mean. Sixth grade was hell for me, as I was singled out for abuse, ridicule, and pain. I honestly did not know how I drew this hatred, but I knew I would never be at ease among these kids from River Oaks in Houston. I know now that I just came from the wrong side of the tracks, but the earlier messages I’d already internalized made me an easy mark and the resulting shame took years to be free of.

Shame is that sense that something is deeply wrong with you, something you can’t control or fix, something that makes no sense. Whether it’s messages of worthiness, or ability or sexual orientation, shame messages cut to the very heart of identity. But God does not speak to us like that. His voice is always one of love, tenderness, hope — like a mother hen taking us under her wing. He does not speak shame to His children.

Jesus speaks to our very identity. He loves us, no matter what. Don’t let anybody change your view of yourself based on their perception. Let Jesus love you based on His perception.

Click here to read “A Love Letter to the LGBTQ from a Christian Mom”

Filed under: Christian Gay Community, Love

A Tale of Two Trees: Why We Are All Asking the Wrong Question

The Gay Christian debate rages on, with what seems like more interpersonal casualties every day. How in the world can we find common ground in such a deeply personal and sharply divisive issue? I think we’ve been asking the wrong question. We’ve been focused on the rightness or wrongness of being gay, instead of: whose job is it to determine right and wrong?

Let’s start with the distinctive that is Christianity. What sets it apart from any other world religion? It is Christ. That sounds obvious, but He isn’t interchangeable with any other religious leader or teacher. He offers us an incomparable relationship, both to Him and to the rest of the Trinity. Tragically, the distinctive of Christ gets blurred when we focus on behavior modification or sin management.

Jesus Christ uniquely offers us a personal relationship. Augustine said, “I have read in Plato and Cicero sayings that are wise and very beautiful; but I have never read in either of them: ‘Come unto me all ye that labor and are heavy laden.”’ Of all the world religions, only Jesus offers a friendship with God. Every other religion is based on doing right. They all have their “rules” to abide by, the list of do’s and don’ts. Jesus is uniquely the Way, the Truth and the Life — only in relationship with Him, not through our behavior, do we gain access to God in full acceptance.

Christianity gets distorted when it becomes a to-do list. Unfortunately, we see the to-do list in many Christian churches as well. Churches that were founded on faith in Christ morph into faith in ourselves and our own ability to do well and try harder. Galatians 3:2-3 says: “Did you receive the Spirit by words of the law or by hearing with faith? Are you so foolish? Having begun by the Spirit, are you now being perfected by the flesh?”

God told us clearly not to eat from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil (the do-don’t list), but to eat from the Tree of Life (Jesus). Every other faith offers the Tree of Knowledge, their own version of the do-don’t list. Only true Christianity offers the Tree of Life.

If you believe Christianity means adhering to a certain set of rules, that is false. The rules sound noble and biblical, but there is no power in this list. Paul makes this clear in Colossians 2:20-23. “If you died with Christ to the way the world thinks and acts, why do you submit to rules and regulations as though you were living in the world? “Don’t handle!” “Don’t taste!” “Don’t touch!” All these things cease to exist when they are used. Such rules are human commandments and teachings. They look like they are wise with this self-made religion and their self-denial by the harsh treatment of the body, but they are no help against indulging in selfish immoral behavior.” We have seen throughout the millennia that no one keeps the rules perfectly. (If we did, why would we need a Savior?) Certainly a civil society needs rules to maintain order, but consider this: we have more laws on the books today than we’ve ever had, and more lawlessness. Rules by themselves do not produce adherence to the rules, and they certainly don’t produce relationship.

The Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil is simply our interpretation of what’s right or wrong, devoid of relationship with God. God says clearly: “Don’t eat from that tree.” But all day long we gobble away at it, saying, “Don’t watch this movie, don’t hang out with those people.” God said don’t eat from that tree for one reason: we are not equipped to make those decisions. God alone is equipped to handle deciding good and evil, which were never meant to be imposed from the list, devoid of relationship. The very word “righteous” in the Hebrew context means “rightly related.” Of course, I’m not saying anything goes; I’m saying that true righteousness comes only in relationship to Him. When we abide in Him, He will lead us exactly where we need to go, even when He surprises us (as when He told Peter to fellowship with the non-kosher Gentiles).

The debate on homosexuality — “is it right or is it wrong?” — is still eating from the wrong tree – regardless of which side of the debate you are on. Insisting across the board that it’s wrong (or right) is just the good or bad side of the same tree. Instead, we need to eat from the Tree of Life, resting in relationship with Jesus and developing relationship with others. We must hold our opinions with humility in an open hand. We’ve seen enough of Jesus’ interactions to know they always go deeper than right or wrong, and always into the heart of relationship with Him.

Jesus offers a sweet, intimate, fresh relationship with Him, but only if we disentangle ourselves from the Tree of Knowledge and let Him graft us to the Tree of Life.

CLICK HERE to read “To Christian Parents of Gay Children”

Filed under: Abiding In Christ, Christian Gay Community

Christians, Why Are You Afraid of Gay Marriage?

A group of prominent evangelicals recently declared that if marriage equality becomes law, they will disobey it. These God-fearing meticulous Bible-followers feel so strongly about gay marriage that they are willing to flout this law they don’t agree with. I really, truly understand their commitment about something that goes against their deeply held principles. I have just one question:

What are they so afraid of? I believe they are afraid that the principles they believe this nation stands on will fall, leaving them exposed in a seemingly eroding culture. They want the security of a set of rules to obey, and make others obey, to secure God’s blessing. They are afraid that if they were wrong about this, what else could they be wrong about? I hate to break this to Christians, but marriage has been redefined several times. Marriage no longer allows for polygamy, though polygamy was allowed throughout the Old Testament and never actually repudiated. (God condemned Solomon’s foreign wives — because they would take him to foreign gods — but He never condemned Solomon’s multiple wives.) Marriage no longer means the purchase of a bride as property, as was the practice throughout the Old Testament. (Even though Jesus treated women with high regard, He never ended bride purchase.) Countries in the world where those practices still exist we consider uncivilized, don’t we? (Our understanding of family is shattered if we think about who Adam and Eve’s children were to be fruitful and multiply with, when they were the only people on earth.)

So what are they really afraid of? They’re afraid of a world out of control. They’re afraid that if they don’t hold the line on “sin” in the world, which Jesus never instructs us to do, then they too are at risk. In truth, they fear a God who is judgmental and unpredictable, rather than understanding the God who is surprising in the fullness of His grace. As Christians, we often subconsciously believe that if we obey the rules, God will protect us and not let anything terrible happen to us. That sense of control comforts us, but it is an illusion.

What if instead of looking at the rules, we looked at the compassion of Christ? What if we looked at the surprising things Jesus did — welcoming tax collectors, prostitutes and Samaritans, and giving Caesar what is due Caesar? If we could just trust Him to care for us and reveal His abundant love, we could rest the way He said we could rest. We could have peace beyond understanding. We could be marked by the love by which He said people would recognize us as His followers.

Click Here to Read “The Condemnation of DOMA”

Filed under: Abiding In Christ, Christian Gay Community, Love, Marriage

The Condemnation of DOMA

“Christians are becoming increasingly irrelevant. They are dragging Jesus down with them.”

The eyes of the nation are on the Supreme Court as we wait for a ruling on the Defense of Marriage Act and Prop 8. What is at stake for Christians in this battle? Does our stance even matter now that it’s in the hands of the Court? Some Christians support it based on their understanding of scripture, but their position in this battle has deep ramifications.

Marriage equality is coming. With some 85% of under-thirties in support of gay rights, it seems clear that it’s only a matter of time. So what are Christians doing in the meantime? They are becoming increasingly irrelevant. They are in effect dragging Jesus down with them.

Christians are the only group whose namesake welcomes anyone, anywhere, anytime — yet they seem to stand guard outside the door, barring anyone who doesn’t fit their picture. Many who seek His love, peace and rest are being told He will accept them… but on condition. We begin to sound like the Pharisees, for whom Jesus had scathing words (Matthew 23:15).

Nearly 100 years ago, temperance movement Christians bullied through a constitutional amendment to prohibit the consumption of alcohol, in an effort to manage people’s behavior. But of course people did not stop drinking; they rebelled. They made their own alcohol, thank you, and they built speakeasies — places to relax together without scrutiny. Only thirteen years later, Prohibition was repealed — but the reputation of its do-gooder advocates was not repealed; to this day, Prohibition represents not high ideals but the attempt of a few to impose their idea of good on the many.

If Christians think they will hold back same-sex marriage, they are deluded. No chance. This fight will be remembered not as one in which High Ideals lost to Evil Sinners, but as harsh and judgmental voices finally being shoved far back on the shelf of irrelevance. Even for those who believe that committed Christians should never be in same-sex relationships, passing laws based on that belief does not change hearts. Instead, it drives people away from the Jesus Christians claim to represent.

Our job today more than ever is to be the love of Christ by which people will know we are Christians, not the voice of condemnation to which they stop listening.

Click here to read “Why Hoping For Change Can Hurt”

Filed under: Christian Gay Community, Marriage