Jake Jeffries's Blog: Dark Watchman, page 4

The Watchman Awakens

Greetings friends,

I am going to go ahead and say it. This year shall be the year of the Watchman. Enter the Dark Watchman will be completed this year. The latter part of last year my writing was sporadic to say the least. It is past time to correct that. It won’t be done this week, this month, or next month but rest assured that steady progress will be made. My goal is to have physical copies of the book by the end of the year.

Maybe if I collect the remaining six Dragonballs I can wish for a room where time stands still.

Another thing that it is past time to correct is my health. Most of my life, including currently I have been overweight. It feels terrible to say the least. I am an emotional eater which gets me in trouble. Also, I am a picky eater and like the majority of the population enjoy foods that aren’t great for me. I’m tired of it. If I can’t have a room where time stands still then perhaps I can buy myself some more time by becoming a healthy human being, hell maybe I might be able to grab a hold of those clock hands and pull them back a little bit. Just because I am getting older doesn’t mean I can’t make some life changes and at least feel younger. Besides, it isn’t like anyone else can do it for me. As it is I feel older than I believe someone at my current age should feel.

Take a look at this guy. He is over 2000 years old and doesn’t look a day over 57.

I believe it was the sixth episode of the first season of the television show 12 Monkeys when I first heard a version of the parable of the two wolves. The moral of the parable is that inside of each of us there are two wolves. One wolf represents the qualities of evil such as anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego. Another wolf represents the qualities of good such as joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The parable describes a struggle between the two wolves with the victorious wolf being the one that is fed. Which wolf will you feed? Personally, I don’t believe that this has to be a perfect scenario. Almost everyone has moments of self-pity, guilt, anger, etc. However we must try to live a life that is full of more of the good qualities so that the wolf of good is fed more.

Usually the New Year is followed by resolutions. Unfortunately most New Year resolutions remain unfulfilled. If you have some resolutions of your own then instead of just calling them resolutions I encourage you to call them something else that reinforces them more in your mind. Unless that just happens to work for you. Some people use the terms resolution or goal interchangeably. However there is a difference. See below for an example of my lists for this year. Another thing that helps with goals and resolutions is reinforcement. Find ways that work for you to reinforce the good behavior that gets you closer to your achievements with rewards and punish yourself when you do things that keep you from earning your achievements. Make sure that the rewards and punishments are healthy ones.

Jake’s Epic Goals for 2016

Lose 80lbs

Complete Enter the Dark Watchman

Read at least 24 books

Jake’s Resolutions of Awesomeness for 2016

Create healthy eating habits.

Develop a regular exercise routine.

Start a regular writing regimen.

Being the supreme ruler of the world requires you to stay strong.

Thank you,

Jake Jeffries

A New Year Approaches

Greetings friends,

December 28th is my birthday. I turned 29 this year. It was a great birthday; it was spent with family and friends. One of my favorite gifts was a Snoopy bookend. Unbeknownst to me there are actually two bookends, I had made a comment before about how I would like to have the one I got but I didn’t know that there was a pair. I should have figured. The missing one is on its way to me now. I’ve always enjoyed the Peanuts comic strip and Snoopy especially but it seems like after my father passed I am becoming more of an avid collector of Snoopy related items. He was always a big fan and would draw Snoopy all the time. I believe in a way it is part of how I am staying in touch with my father.

The dusk of 2015 is upon us and with it the hopes that a new year brings. I wish that all of you have a Happy New Year and that great tidings come your way. One of the great tidings will hopefully be the release of Enter the Dark Watchman. I have made progress on it this year, but not quite the progress that I wish I had made. The time has come. Some of my resolutions (say what you want about them) will of course be writing related, more about that to come in the next blog post. The Dark Watchman has been leaning very heavily on my mind lately and it is killing me that I haven’t gotten it further along than what it is. There have been a few hiatuses that are not without their benefits. Some of the time was spent doing research which I believe will add to the overall story. I do however understand that there is currently a lacuna in your lives and it is my job to fix that.

For all of the other things causing cracks in your soul.

A gift that I could have done without this holiday season is the diagnosis of sleep apnea. On one hand I am glad that I finally know the cause of some of the symptoms I have been dealing with recently but on the other I am not exactly excited about the treatment for it. I am a bit overweight which I believe is part of the cause and that is something that I intend on working on as well. I need to be as healthy as I can be so that I can keep on writing stories and torturing my readers…I mean characters. The symptoms of sleep apnea that I have include excessive daytime sleepiness, snoring, breathing cessation during sleep, attention problems, insomnia, morning headaches, and irritability. The snoring is probably the worst for my health, when my fiancée is over I think the pillow keeps getting closer and closer to going over my face. The daytime sleepiness, attention problems, and irritability are the most irritating (go figure). I hate falling asleep in the middle of things I shouldn’t be falling asleep during. It makes me feel pretty worthless. It bothers me that I can’t stay focused on things. It’s hard enough having normal writer’s block sometimes let alone when that is exacerbated by having to deal with increased attention problems caused by having an awful sleep experience. I’ve caught myself being more irritable too and sometimes have to talk myself down in my head before I speak. Thinking before you speak is a good practice to be in anyways, but adding irrational irritability to the mix makes things so much worse. Soon I will be on a CPAP machine and working towards developing a much healthier lifestyle. When I sleep I will have to look like Bane for a while but it will be worth it. Hopefully with the other lifestyle changes I will be able to eventually not need the machine. Until then, I plan on fully embracing the life of a CPAP user because I want to do all I can to get better. If after the lifestyle changes and losing weight I still need the machine then so be it.

Thank you,

Jake Jeffries

Merry Christmas and/or Happy Holidays!

Greetings friends,

Merry Christmas and/or Happy Holidays! Hopefully everything is going well for everyone. Much like Thanksgiving it is a time to be thankful for the good things in life. I hope that all of your lives are full of many good things be they large or small. My family has gotten a bit smaller as of late, but that doesn’t stop us from getting together and having a great time. We know that our loved ones that have moved on are celebrating with us even if they are not on this Earthly realm. Raise a glass in memory of your loved ones this holiday season. Be thankful for the ones still here with you and be thankful for your own life.

Recently I have been working on installing ceiling fans and ceiling lights in my house. It is something that I had little to no experience with before. Now that I have a few under my belt I have realized that they aren’t as bad as they seem. One of my uncles helped me install a garage door opener before I decided to tackle the lights and fans myself. The garage door opener was much more complicated than the lights and fans but overall still not bad. Sometimes things can seem extremely intimidating but if you can muster that little bit of courage to jump over the initial hurdle of starting a project then odds are you will find that things aren’t always as intimidating as they first appear to be. Another thing that I have realized this aspect of life in is in my writing projects. There are days when I am overwhelmed with the idea of getting the entire story out and how long it takes to flesh out an entire book; especially since I am unable to work on it full-time. However, like the other writing projects I have done I just have to keep in mind that everything starts by putting one letter in front of the other, one word in front of the other, and then full sentences are formed that eventually turn into paragraphs that make up chapters. Ceiling fans and lights are assemblies of plastic, wires, metal, etc. Books are an assembly of words. It is my observation that most things in life are a result of following certain steps. Sometimes there is no certain order to those steps and sometimes steps can be followed from a manual of sorts. Ultimately we are all taking steps towards some things and away from others. Just as a light may not shine if a wire is not correctly connected there are times when we may not feel like our life is working correctly if we have wire in the wrong place or not making a good connection. As someone that struggles with anxiety and depression I know what it is like to feel like there are some wires connected incorrectly. It isn’t easy, but I am constantly working on rewiring in order to get a stronger connection to support the constant current running through my mind. One of the most important steps literally and figuratively is to remember to shut the breaker off when working with the connections. That way no one gets hurt in the process.

One of my Black Friday purchases was a record player. It is fantastic! I had a bunch of records with no way to play them and it is awesome to finally be able to listen to them. I can tell a difference between the sound qualities of vinyl versus other methods. Vinyl also has a nice nostalgia to it. Luckily for me the main genre I listen to is metal and most of their albums are usually available in Vinyl. A few of my recent vinyl purchases are as follows:

Robert Johnson – King of the Delta Blues Singers

Robert Johnson is legendary. Ever since I first heard him I have been in love with his style of blues. I was first introduced to him through the episode of Supernatural called Crossroad Blues which told the story of the myth of Robert Johnson selling his soul for his skills. The story is fascinating. I love anything that has to do with mythology or the supernatural. It was only after discovering him that I realized how much he had influenced some of the greatest musicians of our time.

Keb’ Mo’ – Keb’ Mo’

In my opinion Keb’ Mo’ is the modern day incarnation of Robert Johnson himself.

Alice in Chains – Dirt

This album is special to me. Alice in Chains is awesome overall but this album was played many times on cassette tape on road trips with my father. It was one of his favorite albums and is now one of mine. I had to get it.

Another recent discovery I made is of the coffee variety. A fellow member of the Fans of Death Wish Coffee group posted about a product called Black Blood of the Earth (BBotE). The product is made by Funranium Labs and is a bottled cold brewed coffee. They of course have a Death Wish Coffee version. It is not meant to be taken lightly. The cold brew process increases the amount of caffeine in the product. I drank mine in espresso glasses for a boost of energy in the mornings while my hot brewed coffee was cooling down. I may experiment with mixing the two as well. Since the cold brewed coffee is refrigerated it may make a nice addition to the hot brewed coffee as a way to bring the overall temperature down while adding a super shot of caffeine to the mix. The cold brew process also reduces acidity so if your teeth are easily stained or your stomach gets upset by normal coffee then cold brewed coffee might be a product worth trying if you are looking for a fix.

Thank you,

Jake Jeffries

Talking Leaves

Greetings friends,

A couple of weeks ago I was invited to a release party for IUPUC’s literary magazine Talking Leaves. A few of my poems were selected and published in the magazine! The team behind the magazine did a fantastic job bringing it all together. The hardcopy of it is great. Not many copies were printed and it is an honor that I received one for having been published within. Congratulations to everyone else that made it into the magazine and many thanks to the team for their hard work.

Click the picture if you would like to check out the digital magazine

The party itself was awesome as well. Cupcakes, coffee, and tea were provided for refreshments. Some of the people that were published read their poems aloud (including me) and then we were left to mingle with the rest of the attendees. The coffee and tea were average. However, the cupcakes must have been made in heaven and delivered in the arms of angels. The coffee cupcake was of course the best. It even had a chocolate covered coffee bean on top. They were a product of an awesome local bakery by the name of Sweet Rose Bakehouse.

Click the picture to check out their webpage

Another sweet treat I recently discovered is Pocket Coffee. It is a liquid coffee filled chocolate that is made by the same wonderful people that make Ferrero Rocher. It is as good as it sounds. At first I almost thought it was too bitter because of the coffee but once the bitterness of the coffee mixes with the sweetness of the chocolate the flavors play off of each other very well.

Click the picture to check out their Amazon page. I found them at Jungle Jim’s.)

Last week my Grandmother passed away. She was 72 years old. She had been ill for a long time so it was kind of expected but that still doesn’t make it suck less. My family and I will miss her dearly. She had 6 kids, 20+ grandchildren, and some great-grandchildren. One of my favorite memories with her is eating Oreo’s when I was younger. I was all excited because they were real Oreo’s and not Hydrox’s. I am aware that Hydrox came first but I have always liked Oreo better. If you have any available please raise an Oreo in honor of my Grandmother, dip it in milk (or coffee), and eat away.

Thank you,

Jake Jeffries

Remember, remember, the Fawkes of September – Do Open Giveaway Inside

Greetings friends,

This week my blog is being taken over once again, this time with my permission however. Luckily Odin hasn’t figured out how to break my new security yet. A good friend of mine that goes by September C. Fawkes is currently hosting an awesome giveaway and promoting her writing tips blog via a blog tour. I first stumbled upon her greatness as a result of searching the web for writing tips in relation to the anime Trigun. In my opinion she has some of the best writing tips I have ever had the pleasure of reading.

Click the picture for more details about the giveaway!

Sometimes September C. Fawkes scares people with her enthusiasm for writing and reading. People may say she needs to get a social life. It’d be easier if her fictional one wasn’t so interesting. September C. Fawkes graduated with an English degree with honors from Dixie State University, where she was the managing editor of The Southern Quill literary journal and had the pleasure of writing her thesis on Harry Potter. Today she works for a New York Times best-selling author, is penning a novel, and sharing writing tips on her blog

Here is a rare photo of September C. Fawkes in her natural habitat.

Don’t just take my word for it. Check out her writing tips for yourself. Here is one that relates to the popular anime Dragonball Z:

 Skyscraping the Cost of Victory
One way to raise tension in your story is to raise the stakes–you heighten what’s at risk. But what if you raised the cost of your character’s victory so high that to win means to lose at the purpose of his goal? Okay, I know that sounds confusing, so, let’s get to the example.

In the Buu saga, the whole point of defeating the super villain Buu is to save the world and everyone on it. But what if the only way to defeat Buu is to destroy the world and everyone on it? The cost of winning is much greater now (and so is the story’s tension). The very reason to destroy Buu might be the only way to destroy him. Look at that plotting technique–isn’t it crazy?!



This concept is brought up when Gotenks is trying to put an end to Buu and almost obliterates Earth in the process. Piccolo tells him to watch his power output so he doesn’t blow up the planet, and then Gotenks asks, “Well, which is it? Do you want me to kill Buu or not?”

 

I’ve never seen this technique used in another story, at least not to this extreme.
So what is your character’s goal? What is she trying to succeed at? Can you give her goals that contradict? Can you “skyscrape” the cost of her success?Does she have to sacrifice the very thing she’s trying to protect to defeat her antagonist? And if so, how does she cope with that?



Fish out of Water

This technique isn’t new, but I had to bring it up because of just how well Dragon Ball Z handles it.

The idea is to create your character with his strengths and weaknesses and then plop him into a situation way out of his element. This can create comedy or (you guessed it) ramp up tension.

Vegeta’s defining characteristic is pride. He’s a prince, a fighter, and he views himself as a superior person. Vegeta’s view of himself is what’s most important to him. He wouldn’t tell us that, but it’s true.

So what does the writer do? Put him in situations where his self-respect is at stake, where Vegeta has to choose between his pride and saving himself, his pride and saving the world. And there are instances where he picks his pride and instances where he sacrifices it. So sometimes, we’re not sure what’s he’ll do (and that adds more tension).

It’s hard to adequately explain Vegeta’s pride if you haven’t seen the series. He’s not a prideful idiot. He’s a prideful genius. Pride and honor is what he lives for. At times it’s more important than his own life and the life of his family. Imagine that for a second.

Then the writer makes Vegeta face humiliating situations. Here’s just a handful of examples. As the series progresses, they go from bad to worse.

-A low-class saiyan, Goku, whose an idiot and supposed to have a low power level and is everything Vegeta despises, becomes more powerful than Vegeta. (creates tension)

-Then, Vegeta has to team-up and work together with Goku. (creates tension)

-With nothing but the clothes on his back, Vegeta has to live under the mercy of Bulma (though he’d never admit he was at her mercy), and therefore gets stuck wearing hideous clothing like this. (comedy)

-Vegeta’s own son becomes more powerful than him. (creates tension)

-Goku’s 11-year-old son becomes more powerful than Vegeta. (creates tension)

-Vegeta has to sacrifice himself to save the world from Fat Buu–the most embarrassing villain to lose to, because Buu is a pink tub of lard that acts like a little kid obsessed with candy, and, he’s stupid. He’s not even smart or sophisticated like the other super-villains Frieza and Cell. And this, this is the creature the Prince of all Saiyan has to succumb to?

I mean, look at him. If loosing to that guy out of all villains doesn’t hurt your pride, nothing will.

-Later in the series, the technique of fusion–two people joining to become one super-powerful being–is introduced. In order to have a fighting chance against a villain, Goku, that idiotic embarrassment of a Saiyan, needs to fuse with someone, and gets stuck with Vegeta. Vegeta is so prideful, he would never want to fuse with anyone in a million years, but the worst person to fuse with would be Goku. Their rivalry goes back years.

-On another occasion when Goku and Vegeta need to fuse, they have to do this ridiculous dance that’s “like a cross between traditional fighting stance and water ballet”. Vegeta of course resists (“You’re insane! I’m not posing like that! We’re warriors. Not ballerinas!”). It’s another stab to the heart of his identity.

-But perhaps the most painfully humiliating moment is when Vegeta has to dance and sing to calm down the God of Destruction, Bills, so he doesn’t destroy Earth. Let me tell you, as a viewer you want to laugh and look away from your t.v. screen at the same time because you vicariously feel Vegeta’s humiliation so powerfully; it’s like your own dignity is shattering while you watch.

 

If you need more comedy or tension, try using the plotting tool in your story.

You can get more writing tips from Dragon Ball Z in her “Writing Lessons from DBZ” series here.

Thank you,

Jake Jeffries and September C. Fawkes

Giving Thanks to Coffee – Do Open, Contest Inside

Greetings friends,

The subject of coffee is not new to this blog. Legend has it that coffee was discovered by an Ethiopian goatherd named Kaldi. It is said that he discovered it when he noticed that his goats had an abundance of energy after consuming the bright red berries from a certain plant. Afterwards he took some of the berries to a monk at a nearby monastery. The monk disapproved of the use of the berries and threw them into a fire. The berries smelled so good while they were roasting that they were raked from the embers, ground up, and dissolved in hot water. Thus, the first cup of coffee was born.

During some recent research on coffee I stumbled across a book called Coffee Gives Me Superpowers by Ryoko Iwata. You can follow her endeavors at her I Love Coffee blog and on her Facebook page.

A co-worker told me about a show called Dangerous Grounds. I also recently found out the shows Uncommon Grounds and The 1st Shop of Coffee Prince.

My coffee of choice is Death Wish Coffee Company. The original flavor is still my favorite. It is not uncommon for fans of the company to have mug collections. The company likes to offer seasonal limited edition mugs. Here is a picture of my collection:

In order to show my appreciation for coffee and for the Death Wish Coffee Company I am personally sponsoring a contest that is exclusive to the Fans of Death Wish Coffee Facebook group. If you are not currently a member of the group then now is a great time to join. Besides, there is no downside to joining. This is also your chance to win free coffee. Below are the details of the contest for your reference:

November is finally here and with it the time of giving thanks. Really every day should be a time of giving thanks but in this time of focus I would like for it to be known how thankful I am for coffee. I would like to sponsor a “Giving Thanks to Coffee” contest exclusive to the group.

I would like to see just how creative all of you are. Comment on the post (in the Death Wish Coffee Facebook group) with a coffee related haiku or poem written by you.

Example Haiku:

Coffee is my blood

I need caffeine in my veins

Or you will face death

1st place gets 1 bag of ground Cauldron Aged Pumpkin, 1 bag of whole Death Wish, 1 bag of whole Valhalla Java, and 2 DWCC stickers.

2nd place gets 1 bag of whole Death Wish, 1 bag of whole Valhalla Java, and 2 DWCC stickers.

3rd place gets 1 bag of whole Death Wish and 2 DWCC stickers.

Tell your family, friends, and acquaintances that now is the best time to join the group if they would like a chance to win!

*Disclaimer* – This contest is not sponsored by Death Wish Coffee Company, Saratoga Coffee Traders, or this fan page. The contest is sponsored by me only. Comment on this post to enter. Contest ends on Thanksgiving Day. All work remains the property of the original poster. Winners will be notified on November 30th 2015.

Make sure to join the group and enter the contest! Here is the link to the group: CLICK HERE!

If you have trouble finding the post do a search for Giving Thanks to Coffee.

Death Wish Coffee is also a favorite of Lisa Kelly and Todd Dewey from the show Ice Road Truckers.

Here is a great lyric video for Dethklok’s “Duncan Hills Coffee Jingle” for your listening pleasure:

Thank you,

Jake Jeffries

All Hallows Eve

Greetings friends,

My dad loved trick-or-treaters on Halloween. He would always count them and write down weather statistics for the day. I’m not sure if later he compared them year to year or not but he had them. Usually he recorded them in the little notebooks that would fit into a front shirt pocket. There were a lot of things about my father that I am not sure if I will ever be able to fully understand but I love him nonetheless. This picture is for you dad:

This year was the first Halloween in the new house. More than likely I will not keep up the above statistics graphic. However some of the decorations and preparation for Halloween will evolve I’m sure. Here is a picture of one of the cute rugs we had on display. I also had some cool potion bottles setup but I do not have a picture of those because the candles went out in them. Halloween is actually a holiday that we enjoy so much that some things we may just keep out year round.

Some of the awesome Halloween finds this year were these plushies that I am calling the Four Horsemen. Odin of course isn’t new. He is the Horseman of Death and leader of the four.

Left to right: Reaper of Pestilence, Hamster of Famine, Cat of Death, and the Bat of War.

Here is a photo of the Death Wish Coffee Halloween mug. It is spectacularly awesome! I love the depiction of the Headless Horseman from the Legend of Sleepy Hollow. Currently Death Wish Coffee is participating in a contest in order to win a Super Bowl commercial spot. Voting ends tomorrow so make sure to hop on over the voting page and vote for them! Click the picture of the mug to go to voting page.

I would also like to mention a project currently going on over at Kickstarter. It is called Inspiration Dormant by David G. Forés and Play Attitude. I’ve had the pleasure of backing a few of their projects recently and the end result is always a gorgeous work of art.

 

Thank you,

Jake Jeffries

P.S. Good luck to those participating in NANOWRIMO!

Horror Movie Marathon

Greetings friends,

Every year my cousin and I have a horror movie marathon in honor of Halloween. We pick about three movies each and binge watch them with pizza or calzones because it is good to enjoy the little things in life.

Below is the list of this year’s movies complete with overall rating and trailer links:

Let Us Prey (92mins) 5/5

We Are Still Here (84mins) 3/5

What We Do In The Shadows (86mins) 4/5

Bloodsucking Bastards (86mins) 5/5

The Lazarus Effect (83mins) 4/5

Tales of Halloween (92mins) 4/5

I hope all of you have a frightful fun-filled Halloween this weekend! In the meantime enjoy munching on candy and watching horror movies if those are your thing. I recommend some of the ones above as well as these:

Directed by Lucio Fulci

Zombi

A Cat in the Brain

City of the Living Dead

The Black Cat

The Beyond

Others

Mother of Tears

Hellraiser Series (except 3)

Evil Dead Series

Halloween Series

Cabin in the Woods

Cigarette Burns

Re-Animator Series

Nightbreed (Clive Barker – Preferably the Director’s Cut)

The Black Cat (Stuart Gordon – Masters of Horror)

Near Dark

Thank you,

Jake Jeffries

Settling In

Greetings friends,

Whew! I finally got my blog back from Odin. It took some bribing but I managed to get him to get his cat friend to give me access back. I’ve never seen a cat eat so much tuna. He also has a new witch hat for the season and a stamping pad so that he can start signing things as well. Odin is becoming…I mean is a little diva.

Another new thing is my life is being a homeowner. It is a huge accomplishment full of both fear and joy. Fear because it is a long commitment and along with owning any home it requires ongoing maintenance that I will be forced to learn along the way. Joy because oh my God it is a house and it is fantastic! I finally have enough room to store my collections with room for growth. A lot of my collections are sources of inspiration. I don’t care what you say, that is my story and I’m sticking to it. Everyone needs collections of swords, DVD’s, books, comics, etc. Ok, so I might have a slight problem but they make me happy and that is what matters.

A few of the things I the happiest about with the new home is the walk in pantry, the larger bedroom, and the garage. I’ve never had a garage to park in before so it is going to be an awesome thing. Currently I still can’t park in mine because of the boxes still littering the floor. My old bedroom was tiny. I couldn’t walk around my bed without brushing my legs against the bed or my arms against the wall. I have a queen bed for reference. My new room has enough room for me to do yoga on either side of the bed and have a sitting area if one wanted at the foot of it. I feel very blessed to be in the position that I could buy a home. I also love the pond view from the window where I am writing this. It adds a nice touch to the creative space which is what we are calling the room with the computer and the crafts.

A few of the maintenance issues I have already encountered after moving in include the shower in the master bath having a small leak, the washer having a funky smell after running, the dryer being cumbersome to hookup, the dishwasher not working correctly, and my mailbox getting ran over by one of the builders vehicles. Luckily all of these were able to be fixed easily enough or are in the process of being fixed. The builder fixed the mailbox by the next day. The leak is fixed with the purchase of about $5-$10 for caulk and a caulk gun. Whirlpool is sending a guy to look at the dishwasher. The dryer was a combination of the builder using a range plug instead of a dryer plug for the wall plug and the home improvement store bringing the wrong size hose for the dryer exhaust. I bought a new hose and a dryer plug, swapped them out, and it works fine. The funky washer smell is an ongoing issue. Part of it was from the delivery guys bringing a mile long hose and putting it into the washer drain. This caused sewer gases to escape around the hose because water in the drain normally keeps the gases from coming back up. Victory will be mine.

Thank you,

Jake Jeffries

Odin’s Hostile Takeover

Today this box. Tomorrow the world!

Greetings minions,

Bwahaha, I have finally managed to hack Jake’s blog! Jake has been distracted with packing and getting ready for moving so I initiated a hack. I hired a fellow feline computer specialist and gave him an extra life as payment. I am the Cat of Death after all. I try to always support my fellow felines. Except that damn Cat of Fate. I’m going to kill that asshole. He killed my frog friend Anthony while I was off doing some Grim Reaper business (sad sigh). I don’t think that he likes that his master is losing power. I, Odin have no master and I will avenge Anthony’s death!

Anthony and I had been the best of friends for the past few months. I saw him one day and was going to eat him until I saw him move. His hopping skills were so fantastic that he hopped his way right into my heart. We were practically inseparable except for the dark day when Fate Cat took him from me…

One of these days I plan on dominating the world. All of the humans and humanoids think I’m cute. It’s all part of my plan. As soon I figure out how to open a can of tuna by myself their usefulness will have ran its course. Come to think of it, most of you reading this probably fall into the human category. Oh I know! Offerings, you can give me offerings to extend your usefulness further. Here is a list of items I currently accept:

Catnip

Tuna

Mice

Feathers

Yarn

Cardboard Boxes

If you do well enough I may consider you a premium level minion. That gets you on my Christmas list which reminds me I need to start mouse hunting soon.

I would also like to bring you cat news that you may find of use:

For those minions that live in Midwest USA there is a new Cat Café opening in Bloomington, IN. They are currently raising human money for the opening. I think what these two lovely ladies are doing is great. If more humans were like them, I may not have as much of an urge to dominate the world…Ok, I probably still would want to. Anyways help them out if you can. I would have loved to visit the place with Anthony…

The Litter Box Kitty Rescue is fantastic as well. They are a non-profit based out of Indiana and help out stray kitties and all kitties in their area. They also foster kitties and host adoptions. You can help them out by donating or signing up for Amazon Smile and listing them as the charity of choice.

There is a Grumpy Cat comic coming out which will hopefully be the best thing to happen to the comic world since Garfield.

Thank you,

Odin

P.S. Tuna is awesome!