Ted Rabinowitz's Blog, page 29
September 5, 2013
And Now a Word From Our Sponsor
Last night, God spake unto me.
And lo, the Lord God looked not at all well. Truly, the Agita of the Lord waxed exceedingly great, and the winepress of His Annoyance was full.
"Ted," he said unto me.
"Here I am," I said.
"Ted," said the Lord, "take these Christians, these Focus on the Family Christians, these Christians who claim to speak for Me-"
"I know them, Lord," said I, "for they Tebow me around and about, even here in New York, Thy city, and the place where Thou comest to not be treated as a celebrity."
"Interrupt not the Lord Almighty," said God. "For He is a jealous God, and refereth to Himself in the Third Person. Now in those days - last Saturday, three p.m. - I was accosted by one of them, who said that he 'wanted to share his faith with Me.'"
"And did he not know Thee, O Lord?" I said, in great astonishment and amusement of the spirit.
"Nay, for I looked too Jewish. And he then told me of the Word of God. But it was not My Word. It was but the translation of a translation at second hand, with much extra material by an unemployed rabbi of Tarsus."
"Yea, O Lord," said I. "Even here, in Thy city, we must endure these proof-texters who preach in Thy name and proclaim miracles and revelations."
"Well, tell them to stop," said God. "If they don't, I will share My faith with them."
"I hear, O Lord," said I. "I beg thee, don't share too hard."
"Not making any promises," said God. "Not this time."
And there was a rumble of thunder as He departed.
And lo, the Lord God looked not at all well. Truly, the Agita of the Lord waxed exceedingly great, and the winepress of His Annoyance was full.
"Ted," he said unto me.
"Here I am," I said.
"Ted," said the Lord, "take these Christians, these Focus on the Family Christians, these Christians who claim to speak for Me-"
"I know them, Lord," said I, "for they Tebow me around and about, even here in New York, Thy city, and the place where Thou comest to not be treated as a celebrity."
"Interrupt not the Lord Almighty," said God. "For He is a jealous God, and refereth to Himself in the Third Person. Now in those days - last Saturday, three p.m. - I was accosted by one of them, who said that he 'wanted to share his faith with Me.'"
"And did he not know Thee, O Lord?" I said, in great astonishment and amusement of the spirit.
"Nay, for I looked too Jewish. And he then told me of the Word of God. But it was not My Word. It was but the translation of a translation at second hand, with much extra material by an unemployed rabbi of Tarsus."
"Yea, O Lord," said I. "Even here, in Thy city, we must endure these proof-texters who preach in Thy name and proclaim miracles and revelations."
"Well, tell them to stop," said God. "If they don't, I will share My faith with them."
"I hear, O Lord," said I. "I beg thee, don't share too hard."
"Not making any promises," said God. "Not this time."
And there was a rumble of thunder as He departed.
September 4, 2013
Zach Braff, Kickstarter, and Tourist Swag
I'm a Scrubs fan. I saw the first few episodes, didn't get the conjunction of gore and sitcom, but then I rapidly got hooked...by the actors (especially Ted Mcginley as Cox) and even more by the writers. The writing was just loopy. I loved it. So when I see Zach Braff, star of the show, doing something, it is admittedly through a pair of Scrubs-colored glasses.
However, things changed when I found out that Zach was financing his second movie via Kickstarter.
Kickstarter is great. It allows thousands of struggling artists to disintermediate their work, step around the gatekeepers - the agents, producers, label owners, gallery owners, curators, editors - and take things directly to an audience. (And the same for inventors, designers, performers, etc.)
But here's the thing: Zach Braff isn't a struggling artist. He was the star of a hit sitcom for nine years, a sitcom that's still in syndication. He's a multimillionaire. And even more important than that, in Hollywood terms, is that he's legit. He's one of the handful of actors and filmmakers who actually make a living in this industry and can get financing. So if he can get financing from the usual sources, why's he going to Kickstarter?
Other folks have made that point - here and here, for instance. But what cemented my opinion was going to the website, and seeing what people got for the donations. They got swag.
In the entertainment industry, swag has some very specialized meanings. There are at least two tiers of swag:
Celebrity Swag 1. Celebrity swag. This is the stuff that stars and heavy hitters get from companies looking for publicity. It's pricey - trips to Hawaii, $400 Tom Ford sunglasses, $200 digicams, $500 days at exclusive (or wannabe exclusive) spas, and so on. It goes into the gift bags at Oscar night, and populates the skyboxes of top producers at Universal.
2. Tourist swag. Director's chairs, crew jackets, production scripts, signed posters, etc. etc. This is the stuff that people who work on the movies get for free. And the people who work in the studios get for free. And the people who work for the catering companies get for free. And then they turn around and sell it to souvenir stores on Hollywood Boulevard that mark it up 300% for the tourist trade. (Don't get the idea from this that these swag recipients are rolling in dough, BTW; to the studios, producers and celebrities, they are the working poor, and the swag is the closest thing Hollywood has to food stamps.)
To put this in perspective, my closet holds something that's the pinnacle of tourist swag, something that's pricey enough to occupy the no-man's land between the two tiers - in other words, something that has value outside of its connection to Hollywood. It's a leather bomber jacket with the MGM logo (but it would look better without it). My dad got it for free from an MGM exec when their companies were doing business. Then he gave it to me. (Thanks, Dad!)
Tourist Swag
Guess which tier Zach's offering? That's right. Not even bomber jackets for his funders.
Even worse - and this really did get my goat - is that serious fans get the "opportunity" to be an extra in his movie. And it will only cost $2,500...instead of Braff paying the fan the $80 a day plus meal that an extra is entitled to.
Let's turn this around a little more. Most filmmakers on Kickstarter can't find any other funders for their projects because legit financiers can't see any profit potential. But Braff's film, budgeted at $2 million, is actually a damned good bet for profit. His last film, Garden State, got theatrical release and showed up on premium cable channels. Its budget was $2.5 million. It was purchased by Miramax for $5 million. And it went on to earn more than $35 million worldwide. Does anyone doubt that another low-budget indie-esque film by Braff will make a profit? (The film will, at the very least, be professionally done. That, plus Braff's name recognition, pretty much guarantees TV sales.)
If Braff takes money from traditional investors, he will have to pay them from profits. If he uses his own money, the risk is all his (maybe the production gets shut down, there's an earthquake, Hugo's discontinues their business brunches, something). But if he gets it from Kickstarter, he keeps all the profit, and the fans take the loss. Nice work, if you can get it.
Now, a laissez-faire capitalist might say that this is a contract freely entered into by Braff and the fans. True, but there is what an economist would call "information asymmetry" - since the fans probably haven't worked in the industry, they don't have the context to appreciate just how little Braff is offering them, and how much he stands to gain.
To be fair, Braff may believe his stated purpose for using Kickstarter - that he doesn't want to make the compromises in his film that traditional financiers might demand. And maybe the real motivator for the Kickstarter funders is that they truly want to be part of the filmmaking experience. If that's the case, let Braff make this promise to his Kickstarter funders: That if the movie makes any profit, they will be the first to receive a return - even if it's only a repayment of their money. Then the funders will really be part of the action...they'll be producers.
PS - You remember I mentioned director's chairs as tourist swag? Well, it turns out that for $75 you can get the chair back with the movie's name and logo. Not the entire chair, mind you. Just the canvas back.
However, things changed when I found out that Zach was financing his second movie via Kickstarter.
Kickstarter is great. It allows thousands of struggling artists to disintermediate their work, step around the gatekeepers - the agents, producers, label owners, gallery owners, curators, editors - and take things directly to an audience. (And the same for inventors, designers, performers, etc.)
But here's the thing: Zach Braff isn't a struggling artist. He was the star of a hit sitcom for nine years, a sitcom that's still in syndication. He's a multimillionaire. And even more important than that, in Hollywood terms, is that he's legit. He's one of the handful of actors and filmmakers who actually make a living in this industry and can get financing. So if he can get financing from the usual sources, why's he going to Kickstarter?
Other folks have made that point - here and here, for instance. But what cemented my opinion was going to the website, and seeing what people got for the donations. They got swag.
In the entertainment industry, swag has some very specialized meanings. There are at least two tiers of swag:
Celebrity Swag 1. Celebrity swag. This is the stuff that stars and heavy hitters get from companies looking for publicity. It's pricey - trips to Hawaii, $400 Tom Ford sunglasses, $200 digicams, $500 days at exclusive (or wannabe exclusive) spas, and so on. It goes into the gift bags at Oscar night, and populates the skyboxes of top producers at Universal.2. Tourist swag. Director's chairs, crew jackets, production scripts, signed posters, etc. etc. This is the stuff that people who work on the movies get for free. And the people who work in the studios get for free. And the people who work for the catering companies get for free. And then they turn around and sell it to souvenir stores on Hollywood Boulevard that mark it up 300% for the tourist trade. (Don't get the idea from this that these swag recipients are rolling in dough, BTW; to the studios, producers and celebrities, they are the working poor, and the swag is the closest thing Hollywood has to food stamps.)
To put this in perspective, my closet holds something that's the pinnacle of tourist swag, something that's pricey enough to occupy the no-man's land between the two tiers - in other words, something that has value outside of its connection to Hollywood. It's a leather bomber jacket with the MGM logo (but it would look better without it). My dad got it for free from an MGM exec when their companies were doing business. Then he gave it to me. (Thanks, Dad!)
Tourist SwagGuess which tier Zach's offering? That's right. Not even bomber jackets for his funders.
Even worse - and this really did get my goat - is that serious fans get the "opportunity" to be an extra in his movie. And it will only cost $2,500...instead of Braff paying the fan the $80 a day plus meal that an extra is entitled to.
Let's turn this around a little more. Most filmmakers on Kickstarter can't find any other funders for their projects because legit financiers can't see any profit potential. But Braff's film, budgeted at $2 million, is actually a damned good bet for profit. His last film, Garden State, got theatrical release and showed up on premium cable channels. Its budget was $2.5 million. It was purchased by Miramax for $5 million. And it went on to earn more than $35 million worldwide. Does anyone doubt that another low-budget indie-esque film by Braff will make a profit? (The film will, at the very least, be professionally done. That, plus Braff's name recognition, pretty much guarantees TV sales.)
If Braff takes money from traditional investors, he will have to pay them from profits. If he uses his own money, the risk is all his (maybe the production gets shut down, there's an earthquake, Hugo's discontinues their business brunches, something). But if he gets it from Kickstarter, he keeps all the profit, and the fans take the loss. Nice work, if you can get it.
Now, a laissez-faire capitalist might say that this is a contract freely entered into by Braff and the fans. True, but there is what an economist would call "information asymmetry" - since the fans probably haven't worked in the industry, they don't have the context to appreciate just how little Braff is offering them, and how much he stands to gain.
To be fair, Braff may believe his stated purpose for using Kickstarter - that he doesn't want to make the compromises in his film that traditional financiers might demand. And maybe the real motivator for the Kickstarter funders is that they truly want to be part of the filmmaking experience. If that's the case, let Braff make this promise to his Kickstarter funders: That if the movie makes any profit, they will be the first to receive a return - even if it's only a repayment of their money. Then the funders will really be part of the action...they'll be producers.
PS - You remember I mentioned director's chairs as tourist swag? Well, it turns out that for $75 you can get the chair back with the movie's name and logo. Not the entire chair, mind you. Just the canvas back.
For My Fellow Simon Pegg Fans-
-a classic prank on the set of Star Trek: Into Darkness.
http://io9.com/watch-simon-pegg-trick-his-trek-castmates-into-wearing-1252057783
My favorite moment? When they get Zach Quinto, and he joins the gag.
http://io9.com/watch-simon-pegg-trick-his-trek-castmates-into-wearing-1252057783
My favorite moment? When they get Zach Quinto, and he joins the gag.
September 2, 2013
More Sad News
Fred Pohl center, with Donald Wolheim and John Michel in 1938Frederick Pohl, one of science fiction's greats, has passed away. He was 94, and one of the genre's most influential fans as well as one of its great writers. He cofounded the Futurians, a New York SF fan society that had a big influence on the field during its "Golden Age" of the '30s and '40s. While with the Futurians, Pohl developed friendships with Isaac Asimov, Donald A. Wolheim and others who would be important editors and writers.
A Young Communist in the '30s because of the Communist stands on racism, unions, and Fascism, Pohl broke with the Communist Party when Stalin signed a peace pact with Hitler in 1939. He served in the army overseas from 1943 to 1945 as a weatherman. He was married five times and had four children.
Pohl published one of the genre's first fanzines, Mind of Man, and was the editor of Astonishing Stories and Super Science Stories. He worked as a copywriter, a copy editor, and a literary agent - on of SF's first. When he wrote on his own, he was famous for novels like the Heechee Saga (one of SF's great "enigma tales") and Man Plus, and for his collaborations with Jack Williamson and CM Kornbluth. (The Kornbluth collaboration created some of SF's first great satirical works, like The Space Merchants and Gladiator-at-Law.) He also worked as an acquiring editor for Bantam Books, which allowed him to bring forward works that would become classics, like Samuel R. Delany's Dahlgren. He won the National Book Award, the Hugo and the Nebula, and for a while was the Encyclopedia Britannica's official authority on the Roman Emperor Tiberius.
Ad astra, Fred.
The Castle Drinking Game!
So you know I've been bagging a little (affectionately!) on the detective show Castle for not getting the New York details right.
So I now propose the CASTLE NEW YORK DRINKING GAME. Like all great games, it's simple - but makes certain demands of the players:
Simply watch for any time Castle gets New York wrong...and take a drink!
I'll start you off. I'm watching the episode entitled "Heroes & Villains." The cops just mentioned "an abandoned tenement" near "Theatre Alley." Theatre Alley is downtown, literally three blocks from City Hall...on some of the most expensive real estate IN THE WORLD.
DRINK!
So I now propose the CASTLE NEW YORK DRINKING GAME. Like all great games, it's simple - but makes certain demands of the players:
Simply watch for any time Castle gets New York wrong...and take a drink!
I'll start you off. I'm watching the episode entitled "Heroes & Villains." The cops just mentioned "an abandoned tenement" near "Theatre Alley." Theatre Alley is downtown, literally three blocks from City Hall...on some of the most expensive real estate IN THE WORLD.
DRINK!
August 29, 2013
Five Reasons To Stick a Fork in Your Worldbuilding and Get to Writing
And now, a word to my fellow writers of speculative fiction.
Go onto any writer forum dealing with F/SF, and half the questions are about worldbuilding: How do I make maps? What kind of grammar reflects a warrior culture? Can anyone tell me about reasonable weather patterns? How do you create gods - all I know are the Greek and Norse ones?
Boring.And when I see them, I want to squeeze out a few tears, because that used to be me. Not recently. A long time ago. A LONG, LOOONG, LOOOOOONG time ago. Not anymore, though. Here's why.
1. You know what you could be doing while asking these questions? You could be writing.
2. You know who asks these questions? Not writers. Dungeon masters. Are you a WRITER?
Exciting!
3. You know the difference between Anna Karenina and Fodor's Guide to Moscow? It's CHARACTERS. Worldbuilding isn't about characters.
4. You know what's exciting? Things that are uncertain. Is an anthropology class uncertain? No. When was the last time in college you woke up and said "Wow! Anthro 310 is today, and I'm totally stoked!"
5. You know what's hot? Naked worshippers of the local sex deity are hot. You know what's not? Sociology notes on the mating rituals of a made-up pseudo-Phoenician priesthood.
So stick in some swords. Some blood. Some sex. Some romance. Maybe some interstellar travel-writing details ("In the bazaars of F'knik, it is customary to offer a drop of blood to seal the bargain, but it does not have to be your blood...") Cut down on the politics, the interstellar trade law, the economic treatises of far-off kingdoms...unless you actually KNOW what you're talking about enough to make a story out of political backstabbing or currency-rate fluctuations. (And you probably don't.)
Have some fun, f'r Mithras' sake. Unless you don't know anything about fun, either. Of course, if you're sitting by yourself in a room drawing maps...
Go onto any writer forum dealing with F/SF, and half the questions are about worldbuilding: How do I make maps? What kind of grammar reflects a warrior culture? Can anyone tell me about reasonable weather patterns? How do you create gods - all I know are the Greek and Norse ones?
Boring.And when I see them, I want to squeeze out a few tears, because that used to be me. Not recently. A long time ago. A LONG, LOOONG, LOOOOOONG time ago. Not anymore, though. Here's why.1. You know what you could be doing while asking these questions? You could be writing.
2. You know who asks these questions? Not writers. Dungeon masters. Are you a WRITER?
Exciting!3. You know the difference between Anna Karenina and Fodor's Guide to Moscow? It's CHARACTERS. Worldbuilding isn't about characters.
4. You know what's exciting? Things that are uncertain. Is an anthropology class uncertain? No. When was the last time in college you woke up and said "Wow! Anthro 310 is today, and I'm totally stoked!"
5. You know what's hot? Naked worshippers of the local sex deity are hot. You know what's not? Sociology notes on the mating rituals of a made-up pseudo-Phoenician priesthood.
So stick in some swords. Some blood. Some sex. Some romance. Maybe some interstellar travel-writing details ("In the bazaars of F'knik, it is customary to offer a drop of blood to seal the bargain, but it does not have to be your blood...") Cut down on the politics, the interstellar trade law, the economic treatises of far-off kingdoms...unless you actually KNOW what you're talking about enough to make a story out of political backstabbing or currency-rate fluctuations. (And you probably don't.)
Have some fun, f'r Mithras' sake. Unless you don't know anything about fun, either. Of course, if you're sitting by yourself in a room drawing maps...
August 28, 2013
A Little "Game of Thrones" Fan Service Speculation
My current favorite character - even more than Tyrion Lannister - is Margaery Tyrell. Now there's a cunning wench. You know, put her with Tyrion, and you might have a functional royal family.
Won't happen, of course. That would be too sensible of the characters. Plus that whole marriage-for-life thing. Divorce. What a lifesaver! Literally...
Won't happen, of course. That would be too sensible of the characters. Plus that whole marriage-for-life thing. Divorce. What a lifesaver! Literally...
August 26, 2013
A Science Fiction/Fantasy/Speculative Fiction Resource
One of the things that I've tried to do with this blog (admittedly, somewhat sporadically) is to provide some resources for fellow writer/reader/fans of the genre. One of those resources is one that I created myself, and first premiered on AbsoluteWrite.com. It's called "The List" or "The Basics" - a list of many of the genre's "Big Ideas" and the stories that gave those ideas their first (or best, or most famous) expositions. Isaac Asimov, Ray Bradbury, Arthur Clarke, Robert Heinlein, Fred Pohl, CM Kornbluth, Jack Williamson, Poul Anderson, Roger Zelazny, JRR Tolkien, they're all there, and many others, one way or another.
Check it out. It's there, in the righthand column under "Pages."
Check it out. It's there, in the righthand column under "Pages."
Another Quick Thought About the Next Great Speculative-Fiction TV Show
Any steampunk TV series could also, very easily, be an Alternate History series. F'rinstance, if a certain Archduke was never assassinated in Sarajevo, World War I might not have happened - or it might have happened later, and differently. Imagine a world without a World War II, where the sun has still never set on the British Empire, and the vast technological leaps encouraged by things like the Manhattan Project never happened.
It might be a very analogue, non-digital, slide-rule over calculator, Nikolas Tesla kind of world...
It might be a very analogue, non-digital, slide-rule over calculator, Nikolas Tesla kind of world...
