Ann Goering's Blog, page 2

She's here!!!

After three days of labor and 16 hours of pushing, we welcomed our first daughter, Alija Quinn, on June 28, 2012! She is beautiful and healthy and absolutely perfect! We are so grateful to the LORD for the precious gift He's given us in her, and we are rejoicing in His great mercy and lovingkindness!

Personal Prayer Request

Chris and I would really appreciate prayers for the upcoming arrival of our baby girl! Beyond just simply being a little apprehensive about our first birthing experience and me hoping I have the strength and stamina to get through it :), we recently found out that she's in a footling breech position, which can be dangerous if she were to deliver in that position. Additionally my iron is too low, and we're having a very difficult time getting it to come up to an acceptable level. We're asking the LORD for a safe and peaceful delivery and a healthy baby, and waiting expectantly, but would appreciate any additional prayers as well!

Spring has arrived!

It's springtime! I love, love, love, LOVE spring! At this time of year, I'm always convinced that it's my favorite season . I love seeing the countryside turn green, flowers show off their brilliant colors after the long winter, and the redbuds explode into a dazzling display of pinkish-purple.

The past two weeks have been very warm and very rainy in the Ozark Mountains, which has transformed a rolling landscape that was only beginning to catch the aroma of spring into a vibrantly green land with splashes of pinks, purples, whites and yellows around every bend. 

I love the sunshine and warm weather, but this past week I found myself especially enjoying the beauty of the rainy days. There's something about the bright green of new leaves and the pinkish-purple of the redbuds against a gray, cloudy sky that is absolutely breathtaking...almost as if it's a colorful reminder that there is beauty in every situation, no matter how bleak and dreary.

Personally, we've had an interesting last couple of weeks. There have been several things that have happened that have caused us to need to sit down and repeat over and over, "The LORD is good, the LORD is good, the LORD is good," just to make it through the day. And, as we contemplate and take a time-out from situations that threaten to overwhelm, we remember that what we're saying is true. He is good. He is faithful. He is trustworthy. He's not surprised by anything that happens and He already has a plan to make it work for our good. And, as the season shouts out to us -- He makes all things new! There's a time for winter and a time for spring. A time for facing death, dormancy, and bleakness and a time for seeing things come to life and display their beauty. One thing I love about spring is that as the temperatures warm and the sun soaks into the earth, hidden things begin to be revealed -- things of
beauty that inspire awe and delight.

Two verses come to mind today, both having spoken to me a lot in the last few weeks. The first is Psalms 36:7-8, "How precious is Your lovingkindness, O God! Therefore the children of men put their trust under the shadow of Your wings. They are abundantly satisfied with the fullness of Your house, and You give them drink from the river of Your pleasures." Oh how wonderful that we can put our trust under the shadow of His wings! We have personally seen how He not only provides, but satisfies us with His abundance, and not only gives us what we need, but gives us drink from the river of His pleasures! He is not a cold, unfeeling God who takes care of humankind out of duty, but instead, He desires good things for us. And He has the wisdom and the big perspective to know what good truly is. O that we too would have the wisdom of heaven to call good what He calls good.

The second verse is Song of Solomon 2:10-12, "My beloved spoke, and said to me: "Rise up, my love, my fair one, and come away. For lo, the winter is past, the rain is over and gone. The flowers appear on the earth; the time of singing has come, and the voice of the turtledove is heard in our land." After winter comes spring! After a time of death, dormancy and bleakness (physical, mental, emotional, situational, etc.), comes a time of life, joy and beauty! Praise the LORD! I look forward to spring coming to our lives and seeing what things that may have been hidden, will begin to bloom!

 As week after week goes by, I'm increasingly aware of one hidden thing that continues to grow and develop while waiting to be made known and visible. The little one I carry continues to increase her movement, often kicking, turning and possibly even tumbling (at least it feels like it!). Even her dad can feel her now! As we accumulate bows and outfits and shoes and blankets and diapers, our anticipation for her arrival continues to grow! Less  than 14 more weeks to go now, if she comes right on time! 

Even as the hours of daylight increase and days feel longer, time seems to be flying by. We've been in a "sprinting" schedule, as Chris calls it, as I've raced against the calendar to finish my next book, "One Desire." I am excited to say that it's officially done and at the editor's right now. We were hoping to release it by the end of March, but it's looking now like it may not get out until the first to middle of April. Whenever it does hit the market, we're excited for readers to get to see this first story in our new series unfold. Looking at numbers, this spring has been a good time for The Glendale Series. We've been on several of Amazon's best-sellers lists in the month of March and have already sold over 1000 copies in the first 24 days of the month
-- a new record for us! We're excited to see what the rest of the spring holds for my books and what new heights we could reach in 2012.

 On a much more shallow note, I'm enjoying the chance to put away sweaters and jeans and reacquaint myself with my spring/summer wardrobe. Out come the sandals and capris, sleeveless shirts and sundresses! And of course, to look good in the spring fashions, it's important to get out in the sun and start to get that sun kissed glow. I love spending an hour relaxing in the sunshine while listening to birds sing, boats go by on the river and the wind rustle the leaves.

 In all, I love spring and I'm so excited that it's here! I pray that the LORD would speak through His creation to assure you of His love and the new things that He's doing in your life, just as He's been speaking to us. He is good and He is faithful! Winter has past, and spring has come! In that there is great hope! May you feel that hope today as you look out the window at the changing landscape, feel the warmth of the sun, spot a flower that is just beginning to bloom, or hear the sweet song of new leaves becoming acquainted with the wind.

An expression of faith in the midst of tragedy.

On Jan. 27 I got a text message that I never again want to receive. I was still sleeping, dreaming that I was actually an artist and sketching a picture of my 11-month-old niece, Heidi, lying with her mom (my sister). Suddenly Chris burst through the bedroom door, saying "We need to go! Heidi is at the ER! She's being flight-for-lifed!"

My heart fell, even as I jumped out of bed. I asked what he meant, but that was all he knew. My sister had texted and said they were at the ER with Heidi and my mom had texted just moments later, saying they were sending her to Springfield (a 40 minute drive) in a helicopter. I immediately called my mom and heard what we feared the most--when Kelsey (my sister) had suddenly woken up at 6 a.m. and checked on Heidi, her skin was gray, she was barely breathing and she wouldn't wake up or respond in any way. My mom sounded like she was on the brink of losing it, that there was very little hope, and asked me to do the only thing we could -- pray. And get to the hospital as fast as we could.

As I sped through a 3-minute long shower, the tears came unchecked. If I could only share moments with Heidi through this column, it would make even more sense why this was so devastating. Every time a baby or young child is involved, it's incredibly difficult and painful in a completely different way. But then, the fact that it was Heidi... I've never met a baby that smiles as much as she does. You can't look at her without seeing her smile. We've often joked that her cheeks must hurt from all the grinning she does. Throughout her short lifetime, it was more of a challenge to take a picture of her with a serious face than to get her to smile for her pictures. If you could only use one word to describe the little baby, it wouldn't be a hard choice. The one word that encompasses her very nature, essence and personality is sweet. Sweetness just emanates from her in a way this writer can't even put into words. She's had more strangers, neighbors, grandmas and grandpas, and family members charmed into adoring her big blue eyes and bright, cheerful smile than I've ever seen. These thoughts and memories flooded my mind as I washed my hair, and I began to pray -- pray for Heidi, for the doctors that would work on her, for my sister and brother-in-law, for her older sister Hailee, and for the rest of the family.

As we left the house, just 10 minutes after Chris woke me up, I remember thinking about how Zane and Kelsey have had a relatively easy marriage. They've not had any problems conceiving, during either of Kelsey's pregnancies, with either of their children, no major problems with finances, no serious illnesses, car accidents, job losses, etc. Still, I found myself praying, "Lord, not this. I know we all need trials to build and mature our faith and perseverance, but not this! Please!"

We headed into town, made a stop at Zane and Kelsey's to pick up their contacts, a change of clothes, and clothes and shoes for Hailee, whom they'd scooped out of bed and taken in her footie pajamas, and headed to Springfield. My mom called to tell us that Heidi and Kelsey were on their way to Springfield via helicopter. She was crying. Hope was slim. In the ER in Branson, the doctor had begun the process of calling time of death. Thankfully he had been interrupted and had not finished. If he would have, they would have stopped working and that would have been the end. At least now, in the helicopter, there was still a chance, however small it seemed to be. After Kelsey and Heidi had taken off, my mom was told that usually the only time they allow parents to accompany children in the helicopter is when they don't expect the child to make it. They can treat a child without a parent's consent, but they cannot harvest organs or keep them alive to harvest organs without a parent's consent, thus, Kelsey was allowed to ride with Heidi. We all started the drive that seemed never-ending, me and Chris in our truck, Mom, Hailee and Zane in Zane and Kelsey's SUV. Each vehicle was full of tears and prayers, each of us hoping that Heidi would still be alive when they landed and that we would make it in time to see her one more time.

When we got to the hospital we saw the helicopter and went to the information desk. They told us that Heidi was still in the ER. The hospital seemed enormous as we followed hallway after hallway to get to the ER, only to be told that Heidi had just been taken up to the pediatric intensive care unit. That walk, though much longer, seemed better -- if she'd been taken to the PICU, she had made it to the hospital alive!

By this time Heidi was on prayer chains in four or five different states. People love to pray for babies, and we appreciated each and every prayer said on her behalf. People were praying for healing, declaring life and asking for peace and comfort in the midst of it all.

We were told to wait in the pediatric waiting room, that no one besides parents were allowed in. Soon even Zane and Kelsey were sent out, and they came to join us. They both seemed peaceful, but the entire tissue box that had been shoved in Zane's coat pocket gave witness to the emotions of the moment. Their pastor showed up in the waiting room and sat with us while we all waited. The doctors didn't know what was wrong, nor did they know how to make it better. It was just a waiting game--waiting for tests to come back, waiting to begin treatment, waiting to see if she would survive long enough to begin treatment once they knew what to treat.

When they finally let people into her room, we went in, two at a time, to see her, talk to her and pray over her. When it was my turn, I went in with my sister. Seeing Heidi lying in the hospital crib in nothing but her diaper with tubes coming out of almost every part of her, her eyes closed and her signature smile missing, I had to concentrate on keeping the tears at bay. In that moment all I wanted was to see her bright blue eyes and contagious smile again. But neither came. Across the crib, my sister held Heidi's hand and looked up at me.

"I'm not scared," she said, and I looked up at her quickly. "I haven't been scared this whole time." Her tone, so full of peace, bore witness to the truth of her words. "Because I know that whatever happens and however it feels, whether I feel happy or sad, I know that what happens is what God wants to happen and that it's best. I know that He is controlling the outcome and whatever happens, and however it  feels, I trust Him."

I remember looking across the crib at her and thinking, who is this woman in front of me? To say that we trust God when nothing is at stake is one thing. Even then, sometimes it's hard to hand over the 'what ifs' and accept His sovereignty. Chris and I feel like the LORD has been teaching us that He is good, no matter how things feel at the time, but it has been quite a journey of walking through the valley over and over. Only in that place and through that process, have we come to be able to say that He is good all the time, unrelated to how things feel in the moment, and even still, I wonder if I, in the same situation, in the crisis point of a moment, if I could say the same thing with such sincerity and conviction. And here my sister was, without having walked a road that has taken her from valley to valley to learn His character even when it feels too dark to see His face, standing over her sweet baby who was fighting for her very life with every ventilated breath, who was completely dependent on the machines that kept her alive for another moment, speaking those words when she knew all too well what the next hour might hold. I was in awe. In that moment, when there were no guarantees and very little hope in the physical sense, it was one of the sweetest, most genuine expressions of faith that I have ever had the privilege of seeing. And once again, as I have been ever since I can remember, I hoped that I could one day be like my older sister.

Chris, who had stayed in the waiting room with Zane, was equally as impressed. Zane didn't try to hide his emotions or his concern about his daughter. Zane is one of the best fathers we know -- his little girls have become the apples of his eye and he adores them. Yet, there was no fear, no bitterness, no questioning. He was solid for his family, even while looking for the good that would no doubt come out of the situation. Instead of sitting there, questioning God and trying to make deals that would turn the outcome in his favor, he was resigned to God's sovereignty and just as trusting. He sat and waited, reflecting on ways he wanted to change for the sake of his family, of things he wanted to be more intentional about to become an even better father and husband. He realized again just how important it is to be intentional about being a good father and spending time with his girls, even to a new degree. We had all watched the movie "Courageous" just the previous week...what a situation to situation to drive home the importance of being grateful for every moment you have with your children and the role of a father.

That whole day, we sat in awe of this couple who was not only part of our family but also our best friends, and felt humbled and honored to be close to them. I in no way mean to idolize them or hold them up on a pedestal, but their expression of faith and trust that day was beautiful and such an amazing picture of how our hearts, as believers, should be. In the midst of tragedy, they refused to be offended and insisted that our God is trustworthy, faithful and has victory over death. In that moment, it's as if they were confidently saying, "O death, where is your sting?" Because they knew that whether their daughter lived or died, she was not going to be snatched out of the hand of God and He would make the decision either way in His infinite wisdom. Life would not be stolen from their daughter, no matter what happened, because her life was held by One who was all-powerful and would control the outcome of the situation, no matter what it might be. Hallelujah!

In the hours and days following, Heidi was stabilized and the doctors determined that it was simply a sudden onset of pneumonia. As scary as that is in the sense that there's no way to prevent it, detect it or guard against it, that little girl that nearly had time of death spoken over her, was released from the hospital just four days after being flight-for-lifed, just hours after the doctors said she would have to stay in the hospital for another two weeks. Her recovery was truly miraculous and a week after being rushed to the ER, she took her first steps and will be home to eat heart-shaped cupcakes when we celebrate her 1st birthday on Monday, Feb. 6.


Thank You, thank You, Jesus!

Its a girl!

We had our ultrasound today and found out that we'll be welcoming a little girl to our family in June! We are absolutely thrilled! Although we would have been
happy with either, we were both hoping for a girl...especially Chris!!! So we are very happy with the news! Can't wait to meet her!!

Expecting!

Right now Chris and I are experiencing something we've never experienced before. With great anticipation and curiosity, we are eagerly awaiting next Wednesday. Why? Because next Wednesday, at 9 a.m. CST, we find out who we're expecting to add to our family in June! That's right -- we're expecting! This baby will be our first child and we could not be more excited. Right now my due date is
June 30, but the doctor said we'll likely get a new due date at the ultrasound as I seem to be a little further along than he'd thought.

As it's still early enough that I can't feel the baby move, we're so excited for the ultrasound, just to reassure ourselves that yes, there's actually a baby in there (sometimes in the beginning you wonder!) and that he or she is healthy and doing well. It seems like it's been a long time since our last appointment when we heard the heartbeat for the first time, and we're excited about this next affirmation.

Finding out that we were expecting in early November brought up a strange mix of emotions. We were both excited and afraid as we have been looking forward to welcoming a child into our lives and seeing our marriage transform into a family, but nervous because we've been through the heartache of a miscarriage. In addition, we were in a very bad automobile accident the beginning of October, when we were hit by a drunk driver. It resulted in being transported to the hospital by ambulance and started us down a long and slow road of healing and recuperation.

What we didn't know then, or in the month following when we were both put on strong prescription medications by doctors and underwent a series of CT scans and x-rays, was that I was pregnant at the time of the accident. We're hopeful that the ultrasound will show a healthy baby and reassure us that our little one wasn't harmed by the medications or any of the examinations or treatments that were a result of the accident. Since the day we found out about the baby, I haven't taken any medications at all, choosing instead to endure the neck and head pain in hopes of keeping the baby healthy and any additional medications out of his or her system. With a firm knowledge that the LORD is good and redeems all things, we're expecting a good report next Wednesday and are excited to continue on this journey towards starting a family!

On a less positive note, between the injuries from the accident and the all-day-long morning sickness, I haven't felt up to writing much the past few months, so "One Desire" is decidedly behind schedule. However, with the nausea beginning to subside, the words are flowing and the chapters taking form again, so I'm hoping to have it out in the spring. The release dates of "Gray Area" and "Silver Lining" will be pushed back as well, but I'm hoping to have the entire series out by the end of 2010.

In other writing news, the Glendale series has broken the 500 copies in one month barrier in January and has also gone international as it's building steam and a reader base in the United Kingdom! We are thrilled about both of these developments and are excited to see what February has in store.

With the initial rush of doctors and therapy after the accident slowing a little and the morning sickness beginning to fade, I will be more diligent again about updating the website, posting blogs, corresponding with readers and getting books out! Thank you for your patience and your support! I look forward to sharing "One Desire" with you as it's been an emotional story for me to write, but one I'm thoroughly enjoying -- as odd as it is (since she simply exists in my imagination and yours!), Jari has always been my favorite character and watching her story unfold has been super fun. I hope that you will enjoy it as much as I have!

And, as I wrap this up, I'll definitely make sure to post next week how the ultrasound goes and if we're expecting a son or a daughter! :)