Heather Holleman's Blog, page 164

Stay Put

Instead of the long walk to comb the beach during our day at Wrightsville Beach, I return and place my chair in the sand.

What’s this? The waves come to me and deliver their gifts this way. I stay still. It’s a different way to receive. The waves leave shells and coral and sea glass right here.

Sometimes we search and travel far down the path to find that seashell; other times we stay put and don’t do a thing. God can work in either position.

A Bright New Day

It’s wonderful to begin a new day! I think of the adventure ahead, the opportunity to love and serve well, and the marvelous things God might place in our path. I think of living bravely and humbly. I think of living with a curious heart.

Let’s get going!

A “Double Portion”

In Isaiah 61:7, I read this as a promise to God’s people: “Instead of your shame you will receive a double portion, and instead of disgrace you will rejoice in your inheritance. And so you will inherit a double portion in your land, and everlasting joy will be yours.”

Think of what would bless you. Now double it.

Encouragement from 2 Chronicles 20

I love rereading 2 Chronicles 20 when I feel discouraged about anything. Think of that thing that’s discouraging you as the “vast army.” Note what happens when the Lord handles the problem. Consider this excerpt:

Some people came and told Jehoshaphat, “A vast army is coming against you from Edom, from the other side of the Dead Sea. It is already in Hazezon Tamar” (that is, En Gedi). Alarmed, Jehoshaphat resolved to inquire of the Lord, and he proclaimed a fast for all Judah. The people of Judah came together to seek help from the Lord; indeed, they came from every town in Judah to seek him.

Then Jehoshaphat stood up in the assembly of Judah and Jerusalem at the temple of the Lord in the front of the new courtyard and said:

“Lord, the God of our ancestors, are you not the God who is in heaven? You rule over all the kingdoms of the nations. Power and might are in your hand, and no one can withstand you. Our God, did you not drive out the inhabitants of this land before your people Israel and give it forever to the descendants of Abraham your friend? They have lived in it and have built in it a sanctuary for your Name, saying, ‘If calamity comes upon us, whether the sword of judgment, or plague or famine,we will stand in your presence before this temple that bears your Name and will cry out to you in our distress, and you will hear us and save us.’ . . For we have no power to face this vast army that is attacking us. We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on you.” All the men of Judah, with their wives and children and little ones, stood there before the Lord.

Then the Spirit of the Lord came on Jahaziel son of Zechariah, the son of Benaiah, the son of Jeiel, the son of Mattaniah, a Levite and descendant of Asaph, as he stood in the assembly. He said: “Listen, King Jehoshaphat and all who live in Judah and Jerusalem! This is what the Lord says to you: ‘Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. For the battle is not yours, but God’s. . . You will not have to fight this battle. Take up your positions; stand firm and see the deliverance the Lord will give you, Judah and Jerusalem. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Go out to face them tomorrow, and the Lord will be with you.’”

Jehoshaphat bowed down with his face to the ground, and all the people of Judah and Jerusalem fell down in worship before the Lord.Then some Levites from the Kohathites and Korahites stood up and praised the Lord, the God of Israel, with a very loud voice.

Early in the morning they left for the Desert of Tekoa. As they set out, Jehoshaphat stood and said, “Listen to me, Judah and people of Jerusalem! Have faith in the Lord your God and you will be upheld; have faith in his prophets and you will be successful.” After consulting the people, Jehoshaphat appointed men to sing to the Lord and to praise him for the splendor of his holiness as they went out at the head of the army, saying:

“Give thanks to the Lord,
    for his love endures forever.”

Then, led by Jehoshaphat, all the men of Judah and Jerusalem returned joyfully to Jerusalem, for the Lord had given them cause to rejoice over their enemies. They entered Jerusalem and went to the temple of the Lordwith harps and lyres and trumpets. The fear of God came on all the surrounding kingdoms when they heard how the Lord had fought against the enemies of Israel. And the kingdom of Jehoshaphat was at peace, for his God had given him rest on every side.

We inquire; the Lord responds and delivers.

Growing From Seed: The Apricot’s Progress

It’s True: You’re Always Driving

There’s this time as a parent of teenagers when you’re driving them everywhere, all the time. Other parents warned me, but I didn’t believe them. Where could these teens possibly be going all the time?

Oh, all the places.

Before they have their driver’s license and, most importantly, a vehicle to use, it’s all you.

They need a ride to work, to see friends, to shop, to go to the movies, to pick up that one thing they need at Target, and to do that one thing they promised they told us about (of which we have no memory whatsoever). And if you’re in a smaller town and some of these places are in the next town, you might find yourself driving for an hour when you really needed to finish the laundry and make dinner hypothetically.

But it’s precious time. After all, you’ve got them trapped in an enclosed space with you. And it’s actually wonderful if you think about it. You let them play their music. You let them talk about whatever they want to talk about. Recently, in my own spiritual journey, I’ve been so sensitive to how I inadvertently (and often purposefully) shame myself, others, and my teens by my expectations and judgements. So this time in the car isn’t for correction, my thoughts on their personal development, my criticism that she has a least five loads of laundry in her hamper to wash. This time isn’t about how she should be better at anything. In my mind, of course, I’m thinking of her getting a head start on college applications and a whole list of things I want her to do.

But she’s not me. She herself, and for this time as the sun sets over the mountain, the cool evening air rushes around us, the music blares, and the country road disappears into the distance, I have her right here with me. It won’t ever be just like this again.

You’re Never Too Old to Grow More Free From Shame

Happy 4th of July! I woke up this morning both thankful for my country and troubled by it (but honestly more thankful and hopeful). Then I began thinking about freedom in the broadest sense since I know this: we might live in the perfect country and still not be free because of the reality of being enslaved to sin. I remembered that beautiful verse in Galatians 5:1: “It is for freedom that Christ set us free.”

When I think about the increasing freedom offered through Christ alone, I think about Jesus delivering others and myself more and more from what I see most damaging people today. I think it’s the prison of shame. That’s where you and I are the least free in our lives. Just when I think I’m free of it, shame reappears. It’s sometimes subtle, but sometimes obvious. Since I studied shame for my doctoral work in English literature, I attune myself to when it operates. I see a shame culture more and more on social media: the “canceled” culture, the “your party is over” culture, and the public ridicule of nearly everyone on Twitter alone. I think of the diligence we must now exercise; one misstep and we’re burned at the stake of public opinion, even, sadly, among Christian brothers and sisters. That’s shame.

I think of the shame culture that still haunts me about being the right size, looking the right way, and rearing children that fit this same model. I think of the shame culture of achievement and wealth, too. Everywhere I turn, I see the fear and anxiety in people’s eyes that they do not and cannot measure up. That’s shame operating. They fear being found out for just how much they fall short, and so they live in the reality of an imposter syndrome so typical of the population I’m most near–those of graduate students and faculty on a college campus. All the tears of fear in my office from students are really the fear of shame.

For twenty years, I’ve witnessed and enacted remedies for shame that never work. Think of it: We blame others for causing our shame. We blame ourselves. Or, lately, we try to remove shame by making our shortcomings into celebrations (Look how bad I am! Look at me! Let’s celebrate what a sinner I am by accepting my sin and encouraging it!). Finally, and most poisonous to me, we attempt to manage shame by working harder, losing more weight, earning more, and carefully constructing a false self that nobody can reject. Exhausting! Imprisoning!

But what about this astonishing biblical but so overlooked remedy of confession and repentance? What if we admitted that we have grown to like and need our shame because it protects us from the opinions of others, meaning if I shame myself, I at least control the situation? What if we confessed to the Lord that we are simply terrible, that we do actually fall short, that we honestly need others to like us and approve and that this idolatry has suffocated us for so long? In fact, what if we confessed that most everything we do in our lives works as a reaction against real or imagined shame?

It feels so terrible. It’s so dark and heavy in the soul. It’s tormenting.

Now what? Does it seem odd to you to confess? Me too. But what if we confess that we’ve been living in shame, that we’ve enabled it and given it power? What is the fear of shame but the fear that we won’t be admired or seen as the wonderful people we want others to believe we are? Confess it. Tell it all to God and expose shame for what it is.

We confess and then we run to God. Imagine the embrace of God! Imagine the look of perfect love and perfect acceptance of you no matter what you’ve done or how far you are from the person you hoped you would be? In His presence, you become perfect. Your shame is gone! I mean, why did Jesus die publicly on a cross of shame? Why does scripture say Jesus scorned the shame of the cross? He is a Savior who bears our shame. When I see my shame as my toxic sense of inferiority and inherent wrongness, I don’t need to do anything but take it the Lord to heal. I cannot do anything else. It’s a hopeless situation without Jesus. That’s how deep and painful shame truly is; nothing can repair your sense of self no matter how hard you try and no matter how many self-help books you read. The unlimited and unconditional love of Jesus alone repairs us and brings us out of shame. He takes our shame and loves us. He liberates us. He brings freedom from the shame that we cannot escape on our own.

Bake a Cake. Invite Someone.

Today my youngest daughter baked a cake from a box and filled the batter with blue and red sprinkles. She then flavored icing with strawberry flavoring. We’ll keep it chilled in the refrigerator and then decorate it with blueberries for a festive 4th of July dessert.

The important point: the simple cake is for that one family we finally invited over after years of saying we would.

We’ll throw kabobs on the grill, whip up some homemade Mac-n-cheese, put out a salad or deviled eggs, maybe a bowl of salty chips. . .

It’s neither exhausting nor fancy. It’s just simple. If you’re thinking of that one neighbor you always said you’d invite over, maybe you’ll find that, like for me, it’s finally time to reach out.

Living with flair means you bake a cake and invite someone. Yeah!

The Purples

You Stand There, Cheering

I’m learning to release my teen daughters more and more–to give them space–and let them figure out life on their own. It’s just like when we taught them to ride those bikes without training wheels: you run beside them for a while as they pedal (while you’re holding the seat steady with your hand), and then you let go so they can ride on their own.

Your role now?

You stand there, cheering.

You stand there, calling out a warning about an obstacle ahead or a danger coming. You stand there, ready with band-aids or knowledge to fix a chain or pump a tire.

But mostly, you stand there, cheering.

~~~~

As they ride, you don’t tell them how you would do it or that you’d wish they’d ride faster. You don’t tell them to pedal more productively or to stop relaxing as they enjoy the scenery of the ride. You just let them ride.