Libby Gill's Blog, page 9

Creating Measurable Impact Through The Sustainability Business With Shane Keough

  Our product is our impact. Making money is equally as important, but we have to be able to make...

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Achieving Wellness With Dr. Stephen Odom

  Wellness is not a new concept, yet it continues to be a struggle for many people to achieve in...

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The Power of Changing Your Perspective

Don’t get locked into your own limited point of view. See the world through someone else’s lens. I find travel...

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Millennial Entrepreneurship: Providing Exposure Opportunities To Student Athletes In Asia With Akshay Maliwal

  Millennials tend to be unfairly stereotyped that navigating in whatever field you want to pursue comes with some fear...

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Don’t Let Limiter Language Shut You Down!

Language, whether positive or negative, internal or external, loud or low-key, is extremely powerful.  The first step toward managing communication with the Limiters in your life – those people who seem to have been put on the planet just to burst your bubble and shut down your dreams – is to recognize how that language affects your behavior. Once you understand that even subtle slights can undermine your courage and confidence, you can begin to block those messages.

 Of course, it’s entirely possible that the person using Limiter Language is you. As you check out the examples below, think about the Limiters in your life but also your own self-talk, verbal self-criticism, and not-so-funny self-deprecating humor. See if any of these patterns sound familiar.

 Catastrophic language:  This includes dramatic, over-the-top or worst-case scenario language, such as the following.

This is so horrible that we will never recover.

She absolutely wants to destroy my career.

My boss is the nastiest guy in the entire world.

Undermining language:  Listen for judging words, name-calling or condescending jests.

Your brother is the real businessman of the family.

You don’t need to worry your pretty head about it.

You’re such a loser/jerk/wannabe.

Black-or-white language:  This is unreasonable either/or, all-or-nothing language that doesn’t allow for shades of gray, i.e. reality.  Look for words like always and never.

 You’ve always had trouble with money.

You’ll never amount to anything.

I won’t try that again for the rest of my life.

 Victimizing language:  This language paints a blaming, helpless, hopeless, “everyone should feel sorry for me” picture.  It’s often accompanied by whining and self-pity.

 I am powerless to change this.

No one ever helps me, I have to do everything myself.

Nothing ever goes right for me.  Why even bother?

Once you begin to recognize how Limiters communicate, you’ll probably notice that their negative messages are rarely isolated events. Limiters often have a favorite language style they use repeatedly to express their narrow and negative views. Don’t give in to it. If the Limiter is someone you can eliminate from your life such a long-outgrown “friend,” a mean-spirited neighbor, or a toxic acquaintance with whom you’re better off not interacting, say goodbye. Really, good riddance.

If the Limiter is someone you can’t or won’t give up (like a spouse, boss, or sibling), at least, learn to recognize their patterns so you can tune them out as soon as they start their tirade. Experiment with some pointedly neutral responses to that annoying boss or put-upon mother-in-law like, “Thanks, I’ll think about that,” or “I always appreciate your feedback.”

They’ll feel heard and you’ll feel free. Win-win!

The post Don’t Let Limiter Language Shut You Down! appeared first on Libby Gill.

Don't Let Limiter Language Shut You Down!

Language, whether positive or negative, internal or external, loud or low-key, is extremely powerful.  The first step toward managing communication with the Limiters in your life – those people who seem to have been put on the planet just to burst your bubble and shut down your dreams – is to recognize how that language affects your behavior. Once you understand that even subtle slights can undermine your courage and confidence, you can begin to block those messages.

 Of course, it’s entirely possible that the person using Limiter Language is you. As you check out the examples below, think about the Limiters in your life but also your own self-talk, verbal self-criticism, and not-so-funny self-deprecating humor. See if any of these patterns sound familiar.

 Catastrophic language:  This includes dramatic, over-the-top or worst-case scenario language, such as the following.

This is so horrible that we will never recover.

She absolutely wants to destroy my career.

My boss is the nastiest guy in the entire world.

Undermining language:  Listen for judging words, name-calling or condescending jests. 

Your brother is the real businessman of the family.

You don’t need to worry your pretty head about it.

You’re such a loser/jerk/wannabe.

Black-or-white language:  This is unreasonable either/or, all-or-nothing language that doesn’t allow for shades of gray, i.e. reality.  Look for words like always and never.

 You’ve always had trouble with money.

You’ll never amount to anything.

I won’t try that again for the rest of my life.

 Victimizing language:  This language paints a blaming, helpless, hopeless, “everyone should feel sorry for me” picture.  It’s often accompanied by whining and self-pity.

 I am powerless to change this.

No one ever helps me, I have to do everything myself.

Nothing ever goes right for me.  Why even bother?

Once you begin to recognize how Limiters communicate, you’ll probably notice that their negative messages are rarely isolated events. Limiters often have a favorite language style they use repeatedly to express their narrow and negative views. Don’t give in to it. If the Limiter is someone you can eliminate from your life such a long-outgrown “friend,” a mean-spirited neighbor, or a toxic acquaintance with whom you’re better off not interacting, say goodbye. Really, good riddance.

If the Limiter is someone you can’t or won’t give up (like a spouse, boss, or sibling), at least, learn to recognize their patterns so you can tune them out as soon as they start their tirade. Experiment with some pointedly neutral responses to that annoying boss or put-upon mother-in-law like, “Thanks, I’ll think about that,” or “I always appreciate your feedback.” 

They’ll feel heard and you’ll feel free. Win-win!

Reframing Risk-Taking As Opportunity

When you understand how to reframe risk-taking, you’ll stop avoiding risks and start advancing toward your dreams!

Think about some risks you’ve avoided in the past.  What were the sticking points that started you down the path of avoidance?  What kinds of excuses or rationalizations did you use to back away from change?  Read through the following risk-expanding tools to see if one or more can help you stick it to your sticking point.

 

Consider the worst-case what if’s.  Play out your fears to the worst possible outcome to see if the catastrophes rambling around in your head are actually legitimate. Say you’re an aspiring writer and you want to take on the company’s tourism newsletter to start you on that path, but you’re worried that you might not be good enough. Imagine the absolute the worst-case scenario of turning in a sub-par newsletter. Maybe the city’s tourism business will die overnight or you’ll being publicly shunned at the local supermarket for letting down the community.  Would either of these happen?  Probably not, but if you don’t consciously play out your concerns, you’re allowing your brain to do it unconsciously, often reaching a completely irrational conclusion. So shine some light on your darkest fears and watch them evaporate.

 

Put contingency plans in place.  Once you’ve gotten impending doom out of the way, consider some of your more realistic fears. What should you anticipate?  How might you mitigate some potential negatives?  If you’re worried about not having enough time to do a stellar job on that hypothetical newsletter, which may be a valid concern, how might you plan for that?   Rather than letting potential challenges shut you down, anticipate ways you can deal with them.  Maybe you could ask your spouse to pick up a little more childcare time or you could dedicate a weekend morning for head-down writing time. When you have contingency plans in place to cope with problems before they arise, you’ll be much more confident about tackling the risk in the first place.

 

Reframe the risk.  If the scope, timing or other specifics of a challenge are making you back down, consider redefining the parameters before declining altogether.  This reframing is part of the “simplify step” in the Clarify, Simplify & Execute process I describe in my book  You Unstuck.  For example, if you feel overwhelmed by taking full oversight of the newsletter, you could ease into it by writing an article or two before committing to the entire project.  Putting a toe in the water is a whole lot better than not getting wet at all.

 

Remind yourself how great you are.  And, yes, I mean that literally.  We’ve all got our special gifts, but most of us could use a little reminder from time to time.  Call a supportive friend for a pep talk when you  feel your confidence flagging or get out some visual reminders of your own success. When I spoke at an event alongside Colleen Barrett, former president of Southwest Airlines, she said that she kept a file of thank you letters from grateful passengers and read them to herself and her colleagues as reminders of what they’d done right.  Read your own CV, bio, or LinkedIn profile to remind yourself of all you’ve accomplished. After all, if you can talk yourself into believing something negative that’s not true, it should be pretty easy to talk yourself into believing something positive that is true, right?

 

 

Relax, You’re Not in the Spotlight

When I first saw the video from a leadership breakout session I conducted for members of ASAE (American Society of...

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Why You Think You’re in the Spotlight When You’re Not

When I first saw the video from a leadership breakout session I conducted for members of ASAE (American Society of Association Executives), I was horrified to see my blouse untucked and my hair a-frizz. The DC humidity and an uncooperative microphone had done a number on me. But then I thought, who cares? This group isn’t here for me, they’re here for them.

It’s funny that when we fall on our rears or have a bad hair day, we often feel that not only is everyone secretly snickering at us, but that they’ll remember our faux pas every time they think of us. It’s like we have a big letter G for goofball emblazoned on our foreheads. But it’s simply not true and there’s research (of course) to explain the phenomenon. It’s called the Spotlight Effect and it shows that while we think what we do and say is incredibly memorable, we vastly overestimate how much other people notice, much less care.

Dr. Tom Gilovich and his colleagues pioneered the research on this topic which appeared in 2000 in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. In one of the studies, the researchers brought together groups of students, giving them an unrelated task to complete. In each group, one student was randomly assigned to wear an “embarrassing t-shirt,” featuring a photo of...wait for it...Barry Manilow. (Yes, prior research had deemed him embarrassing. Sorry, Barry.)

When researchers asked the t-shirt wearers what percentage of the students would be able to identify the image on the shirt afterward, they agreed it would be 50%. In fact, of the students who witnessed the live experiment or saw the video later, only 25% could identify Manilow. What that meant to researchers was that just the wearing of the t-shirt gave wearers a heightened sense of its relevance to others. Further, when the same experiment was conducted with “non-embarrassing” images including Jerry Seinfeld, Bob Marley, and Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., the students again said that 50% of the students would be able to identify the photos. This time, only 10% did, again showing how much we overestimate what others think of us. Interestingly, another study was done with group conversations where, again, people vastly overestimated how much of the dumb stuff – as well as the brilliant stuff – was noticed by others.

 Moral of the story? We’re all worrying way too much about making mistakes and missteps. Not to say that you don’t want to make a good impression, especially if it’s the first one, just that you don’t need to dwell on your human foibles. In the immortal words of Susanna Clark and Richard Leigh in the song “Come from the Heart” (not Mark Twain or Miley Cyrus, as it turns out):

You’ve got to sing like you don’t need the money
Love like you’ll never get hurt
You’ve gotta dance like nobody’s watchin’
It’s gotta come from the heart if you want it to work.

 

           

           

Stop Putting Yourself in the Spotlight

When I first saw the video from a leadership breakout session I conducted for members of ASAE (American Society of Association Executives), I was horrified to see my blouse untucked and my hair a-frizz. The DC humidity and an uncooperative microphone had done a number on me. But then I thought, who cares? This group isn’t here for me, they’re here for them.

            It’s funny that when we fall on our rears or have a bad hair day, we often feel that not only is everyone secretly snickering at us, but that they’ll remember our faux pas every time they think of us. It’s like we have a big letter G for goofball emblazoned on our foreheads. But it’s simply not true and there’s research (of course) to explain the phenomenon. It’s called the Spotlight Effect and it shows that while we think what we do and say is incredibly memorable, we vastly overestimate how much other people notice, much less care.

            Dr. Tom Gilovich and his colleagues pioneered the research on this topic which appeared in 2000 in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. In one of the studies, the researchers brought together groups of students, giving them an unrelated task to complete. In each group, one student was randomly assigned to wear an “embarrassing t-shirt,” featuring a photo of...wait for it...Barry Manilow. (Yes, prior research had deemed him embarrassing. Sorry, Barry.)

When researchers asked the t-shirt wearers what percentage of the students would be able to identify the image on the shirt afterward, they agreed it would be 50%. In fact, of the students who witnessed the live experiment or saw the video later, only 25% could identify Manilow. What that meant to researchers was that just the wearing of the t-shirt gave wearers a heightened sense of its relevance to others. Further, when the same experiment was conducted with “non-embarrassing” images including Jerry Seinfeld, Bob Marley, and Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., the students again said that 50% of the students would be able to identify the photos. This time, only 10% did, again showing how much we overestimate what others think of us. Interestingly, another study was done with group conversations where, again, people vastly overestimated how much of the dumb stuff – as well as the brilliant stuff – was noticed by others.

            Moral of the story? We’re all worrying way too much about making mistakes and missteps. Not to say that you don’t want to make a good impression, especially if it’s the first one, just that you don’t need to dwell on your human foibles. In the immortal words of Susanna Clark and Richard Leigh in the song “Come from the Heart” (not Mark Twain or Miley Cyrus, as it turns out):

You’ve got to sing like you don’t need the money
Love like you’ll never get hurt
You’ve gotta dance like nobody’s watchin’
It’s gotta come from the heart if you want it to work.