Harlan Vaughn's Blog, page 28

IHG Elite Members: Get a Free Kindle Book This Week – and Another One Next Week

Quick update about free Kindle books because:

They’re free
I noticed you can actually get full-length books now instead of just “singles”

You can get a free eBook just for being an IHG member (so anyone can get a free one). Redeem it through the IHG app!

How bow dah?

Even better, you can get free books each quarter if you have elite status with IHG. (The number of books you can get depends on your status tier.)

You can get a free book this week. And another one next week on Sunday, April 1st – because it’ll be a new quarter!

Electric Tokyo: A $15,000 Week in Japan for $58 (With Business Class Flights and Free Hotels!)

Oh my purness, I cannot wait to get back to Japan right meow.

12 Ways to Save Money (And Have Fun!) on Your Next Road Trip

I recently took a road trip from Dallas to Albuquerque to Colorado Springs to Denver – and back to Dallas. It was 1,925 miles and 29 hours of pure asphalt that took us through plains, mountains, and prairies.

I spent time preparing for the week-long journey. And figured how to save cash and have fun on the way. Because that’s a lot of time in a car!

If you don’t plan it right (or at all), you’ll likely spend too much, miss cool opportunities, or generally have a miserable time. And no one wants that.

Why I Bought a New Car (With a Car Note!) Despite FIRE

Also see: 

Getting FIREd Up

I wrote how I bought a car with credit cards in early 2016. It was a used 2004 Subaru Forester. And it fit my needs at the time.

I swore I’d never buy a new car. It’s a badge of honor within the FIRE (financial independence, retire early) community to have an old car with tons of miles on it. It means you’re frugal. And saving. And “doing it right.” A quick search on Reddit returns more opinions than you can ever filter through.

There’s even a rap song called “No Car Note.” (“I love my ’98 Honda!”)

But after running the numbers, I broke my own rule. And bought a 2017 Nissan Versa Note. With a car note.

New or used car? Why I went new

The short answer is: to swap unpredictable expenses for predictable ones.

Goodbye, old steed

The car had 144,000 miles on it. Which isn’t good or bad, just saying. But it was starting to need significant repairs.

For starters, the undercarriage was completely rusted. It’s from the Northeast, and most of the cars there rust because of salt on the roads in winter. The longer it snows, the more salt eats through your car.

The exhaust pipe fell off once. I got it welded back on for $100. But the next time it happened, I knew I’d likely have to replace the whole exhaust system – for at least $1,000.

The other thing was the head gasket and timing belt. Older Subarus are notorious for this. It started to leak. There were little drops of oil under the car when I’d park for a couple of days.

That repair would cost $3,000+. But, it would probably give the car 100,000 more miles of life.

I only paid $4,500 for the car – and didn’t want to put $4,000+ of work into it. For that price, I could buy a whole new car.

So I pondered my options.

Holy crap, should I get a new car?

Link: New Cars and Auto Financing: Stupid, or Sensible? – Mr. Money Mustache

For the $4,000 I knew I’d have to spend one way or another, I could either:

Buy another used car
Stick the money into a new car

I must’ve read this Mr. Money Mustache article 15 times while pondering my decision. He’s smart, thoughtful, and I respect his opinions. It basically says it doesn’t make sense to buy a new car. Because all things considered, you can invest the money you save and come out way ahead in the end. (This Reddit thread was a lot of food for thought as well.)

Now, I didn’t know when I’d have to spend that $4,000 (probably within the next year). Or if it would be more or less. But I knew it would happen. And it bugged me to sit around and wait to pay.

$4,000 / 12 = $333. Heck, even $3,000 / 12= $250 a month. I played around with some auto loan calculators.

~$658 in interest over 6 years isn’t nearly as much as unpredictable repairs for the older car

I figured if I could put down around $2,000 and get $1,000 trade-in for my old car, I could get a $12,500 car for a little over $150 a month. And with a low-rate auto loan, I’d only pay ~$658 in interest, even if I broke down the financing over 6 years (~$110 per year). But of course, I’d pay more each month to knock out the amortization on that baby. So the interest rate was kinda moot, in a way.

A new car wouldn’t need as many repairs as an old car. And I could pay a set amount of month instead of waiting to pay for a big-ticket repair at a random time.

But was it the smart thing to do?

I did it

The thing that got me wasn’t the repairs I knew were coming down the pipeline, but the ones I didn’t.

My baby was 14 years old, rusted underneath, and due for some major repairs. But I couldn’t anticipate what else it would need.

Would something else pop up? I was tired of pouring money into it just to keep it going. And on top of all that, I didn’t want to push it by driving it any further than within town.

It seemed the entire financial independence community didn’t mind fixing up an old car and driving it forever. But I found it unnerving.

I wanted reliability over unpredictable repairs. Plus, I’d be out a car for several days with the more serious ones. Everybody said to zig, but I had to zag.

The interest wasn’t much, the repairs would be minimal for at least a couple of years, and I could keep a new car for (hopefully) 15+ years.

My new trusty steed

I ended up with a 2017 Nissan Versa Note that fully met my criteria. For ~$160 a month, the price is more than reasonable. And I won’t have to think about when I’ll have to randomly drop $1,000 or $3,000+ on repairs.

By the numbers

I went to the car dealer with a list of cars in mind (Toyota Yaris, Nissan Versa, or Honda Fit – can you tell I have a thing for Japanese cars?). I wanted to:

Finance $10,000 @ 2% interest rate or less
Get $1,000 for my trade-in
Put $2,000 down – on a credit card

I dug up my car’s title and cleaned it out. Took it to the car wash. Gathered up all the repair records. And headed to a dealership.

I also knew I wasn’t willing to go over $170 a month. Out the door.

The first place I went had a huge selection – all my wishlist cars were there. I spotted a 2017 Nissan Versa Note for $14,000. That’s a little higher than the Kelley Blue Book value, but not by much.

$14,000 is right around the typical list price for this model and option package

It was clean, no dings or scratches, and drove great. A perfect car for zipping around town (I don’t need anything fancy).

I got the usual car dealership runaround. But god as my witness, I test drove the car, completed the trade-in paperwork, secured the financing, and drove out of the lot in my new car within 3 hours.

Boom

I was ready to make the deal and they gave me a great one:

$10,459 financed
$1,000 for the trade-in
$2,000 down payment on my Blue Business Plus Amex (it currently has a 10,000 point sign-up bonus!)

In the end, I paid $13,459 for my new car. And my payments are ~$160 a month. Plus, my insurance only went up $30 a month to get full coverage with collision. That’s still less than I would’ve paid for replacing the exhaust system and getting new head gaskets and a timing belt on my old Subaru. And I won’t even crack 20,000 miles for a long time.

I’m paying more than the minimum payment each month, so I’m working the principal down at a good clip. But the interest rate is so low that I’m basically paying for it at cost.

I don’t care about depreciation because I intend to keep this car for 10 to 15 years. By that time, I would’ve gotten more than enough use (and value) from it.

Plus, these cars do hold their value pretty well. But I’ll think about all that next decade.

Points Are a Currency – And YOU Get to Set the Value

Also see: 

Link: Axiom for Bank Points and Airline Miles
Link: I Use Miles Because I Won’t Pay Revenue Prices… Right?!

Peeps conceptualize their points & miles in various ways. I’ve heard the argument they’re worth as much as you’re willing to pay in cash – logic that has always failed me. I use points because I won’t pay cash… right?

If I get a $10,000 Business Class flight for say, 50,000 miles – but I’m only willing to pay $1,000 in cash for the flight, does that mean the miles were worth the retail value of $10,000… or my “willing to pay” price of $1,000?

I used points to fly Lufthansa First Class… a product I’d NEVER pay cash for!

To me, they’re worth up to the cash cost because I typically travel for pleasure. Even though I value most points & miles at 2 cents each (at least!). Which in this case, 50,000 miles would be worth at least $1,000 but actually much more because of the retail price.

Knowing the selling price is the thrill of the deal. That’s the point of points in the first place (or First Class). And often, I use points & because only because of the retail value, despite what I’m “willing” to pay.

So I set my minimum value at 2 cents each because under that, you might as well use a 2% cashback card for the same (or better) result. I collect points for those times when I get outsized value – that’s what makes it worth it. And why I set the points value at – benchmark low – 2 cents each. But it all depends.

What’s your points value?

The fact that we swap points for award flights or hotel nights means we give them and get something back. That’s the definition of a currency. 

I’ll use miles if it means I get to look at artworks in museums – value goes up up up

And knowing the retail price is always the deciding factor on whether to pay cash or use points.

In the earlier example:

50,000 miles got a flight worth $10,000
I value 50,000 miles for $1,000
If the flight cost less than $1,000 (say $900), I’d just pay cash for it
So are 50,000 miles worth $900 to me (my willing to pay price) or $10,000 (the retail value of the flight)? Or what I value them for?

Do you need it?

The other factor is need-based.

Say this is the only seat on the flight but it’s also the last flight of the day and YOU NEED TO TAKE IT. On this day, you only have $500 to spend. So your “willing to pay price” is $500.

The miles let you access a flight selling for $10,000. On this day, did the miles save you $10,000? Or are they only worth $500 because it’s all you have in this case?

Or do you just want it?

Finally, the decision is pleasure-based.

Say you stumble across this flight and it’s to a cool place you’ve kinda always wanted to visit but wouldn’t necessarily plan a trip for. You hit up your buddy and say hey, award flights to XYZ are wide open for 50,000 miles – wanna take it? So you do. You’d never pay cash for it. The street price is still $10,000. Are your miles now worth nothing because it’s a trip you’d never use cash for?

What about when you impulsively take the low-hanging fruit?

This exact scenario has played out for me with recent visits to Mexico to stay at the Hyatt Ziva in Puerto Vallarta and the Hyatt Zilara in Cancun. Both times my criteria went something like:

Kinda wanna go somewhere easy, free, and warm
Don’t wanna pay for it, would rather stay home in that case
I’ll use miles if it brings my cost next to $0
But I won’t just use my miles unless the trip meets my 2 cents each criteria
Again, are my points worth 2 cents each, the value of the trip, or nothing because my willing to pay price is $0? 

I base it on trip value

For a trip like Cancun or Puerto Vallarta, if it was close to 2 cents each, I might not take the trip at all unless I was getting real, outsized value – something like 6 to 10 cents each.

I wouldn’t pay to fly from Toronto to Munich in Lufthansa and Swiss First Class. But heck yeah, I’d use miles for the experience

I did the same thing when I flew Lufthansa First Class to Munich for Oktoberfest. Did I NEED to take that trip? No. But I wanted to. Would I have booked it if the points value were low? No.

Because I mostly take trips for pleasure – not out of need – I base the worth of my points on the retail cost of the trip.

For the rare times I’ve NEEDED to take a flight for an emergency, I’m willing to charge an insane amount to a credit card if an award flight isn’t available. If an award flight IS available, I’ll book it. Did my points value fluctuate based on need instead of pleasure? Absolutely.

That’s why your points & miles – your currency – are worth what YOU want them to be worth.

Why 2 cents is the benchmark

Link: Cashback rewards cards

Simply because 2% cashback cards exist, without annual fees. If you choose to earn points, you should get at least that in value. If you don’t, you should’ve just gone with a 2% cashback card and saved yourself the hassle.

I’m all for it if it saves me over $300!

I love using 7,500 British Airways Avios points for $340 one-ways from Dallas, for example. I’d need 34,000 points with a 2% cashback card, which requires $17,000 in spending to earn.

At 1 point per $1 spent, I could also spend $7,500 and get the same flight. A stark difference. And a real example of the magic of points & miles. (In this case, each point is worth over 4 cents apiece.)

Exceptions to everything

Of course, there are promotions. Category bonuses. Sign-up offers. 3% cashback cards.

It’s easy for me to earn Citi ThankYou points. So there might be a time I redeem them for less-than-ideal value just because I don’t feel like paying cash. Yeah, I could pay cash. Or I could just use these points that are easy to replace.

Some cards have 2X, 3X, or 5X bonus categories. If you spend a lot in them, you earn more points. And you might decide to use them to save some cash – even for a cheap trip.

I used hotel points to visit my mom for Christmas. Did I get stellar value? Nope. Did I really care? Nope, cuz I got to see my mom

Some hotel points are worth much less than 2 cents each (Hilton and Radisson come to mind). So you might just burn ’em if they’re easy to earn.

There’s nothing wrong with that. But in that situation, you’ve made a snap judgement and set a lower value on your points currency. But if the trip makes you really happy, that’s the ultimate X factor, isn’t it?

Bottom line

Your points are a currency because you exchange them for things you want. But they’re unique because you get to decide their value. And that’s based on:

Your minimum benchmark (which IMO should be 2 cents each)
Whether you need to take the trip
How much pleasure you’ll get from the trip
How easily you can replace them

Capital One Venture: A Solid 2X Card for Simple Rewards With No BS

I get it. Not everyone spends their Friday nights taking epsom salt baths and pondering the workings of various points programs.

Lots of peeps directly asked about the Capital One Venture Rewards card: is it worth getting?

My answer’s always been: yeah, if you don’t want to deal with points programs.

The $500 sign-up bonus covers 5 years of the annual fee and is worth ~302,000 Chilean pesos (I drew that bull)

It has a $95 annual fee, though it’s waived the first year. But the ease of redemption and earning might be worth it if you like the Capital One ecosystem.

Capital One Venture Review

Link: Capital One Venture Rewards – Learn more
Link: Compare rewards cards

The sign-up bonus on the Capital One Venture Rewards is 50,000 Venture miles after spending $3,000 on purchases within 3 months from account opening, which is worth $500 toward travel. That’s a very decent sign-up bonus.

At its base, this card earns 2 “miles” per $1 spent which you redeem as credits for travel expenses. Each mile is worth 1 cent each. So if you spend $500, you’ll earn 1,000 Venture miles – which you can redeem for a $10 statement credit (2% back). And scale it up from there.

Do you spend too much shopping online? Don’t leave money on the table – get rewards toward your next trip

You need to spend $4,750 per year, or ~$396 per month, to cover the cost of the annual fee after the first year. If you use this as your go-to card, that’s fairly easy to accomplish.

Beyond that, you’re earning 2% cashback on every purchase. I firmly believe everyone should have a cashback card in your arsenal. Although I’ve been focusing on Starwood points lately.

Even still, I’m jamming on my Fidelity Visa thanks to a recent promotion (it’s also a 2% cashback card):

I do love my Fidelity Visa

Although the limitation is you can only deposit rewards into a qualifying Fidelity account. With the Capital One Venture, you won’t have those restrictions, which can be a deal-maker.

In fact, I would consider getting the Capital One Venture card if they’d have me. I recently applied for a Spark Miles business card (basically the same setup except for small businesses – learn more here) but they told me to hit the bricks because I have too many recent cards (my eternal dilemma

PV PLZ: Couples Massage at the Hyatt Ziva Puerto Vallarta Spa

(This is the last post about Puerto Vallarta, by the dubs.)

Y’all. I did something I’ve never done at a hotel before: paid out-of-pocket for a fancy spa day. I got a body scrub, body wrap, facial, and full-body massage. It was opulent, decadent, and completely amazing.

Getting ready for my spa day at the Hyatt Ziva Puerto Vallarta

During our stay at the Hyatt Ziva Puerto Vallarta, my friend and I took a stretching class one morning. On the way, we passed by the spa, mostly out of curiosity.

After touring the facility and taking a look at the spa menu, we decided the couples massage was actually a great value. So we set up the appointment to spend 4 hours in heavenly bliss.

PV PLZ trip report index

PV PLZ: How I Booked a $2,000+ Mexican Vacation for $90 With Points
PV PLZ: Review of My Free Stay at the Hyatt Ziva Puerto Vallarta
PV PLZ: Eating at All the Hyatt Ziva Puerto Vallarta Restaurants
PV PLZ: Couples Massage at the Hyatt Ziva Puerto Vallarta Spa

Breaking down the spa deal

Link: Vitamar Spa

I’ve never gotten a spa treatment at a hotel before. I’ve seen the prices and always scoffed at how expensive they were. And thought, “I can get this for so much cheaper at home.”

That’s why I was caught off guard when I broke down the prices for the couples massage treatment. It was actually, dare I say, a pretty good deal.

We got The Special Reserve

You can also get the usual mani-pedi, hair, makeup, waxing, or let fish eat the dead skin off your feet

Most of the prices are inflated, which is to be expected. $50 for a manicure? No way.

But the “Special Reserve – Blue Agave Ritual for Two” caught my eye. For $480, it includes:

Body wrap
Body scrub
Facial
Full-body massage

And it lasts a full 3 hours. In addition, when you get a spa treatment, you can use the private infinity pool, jetted pools, steam room, and sauna, the entire day of your treatment.

Hmmm… $480 divided by 2 is $240 per person for 4 treatments. Which is $60 per line item, per person. That’s actually… not bad.

Considering I only paid $90 for the entire vacation, including the flights, hotel stay, even the Uber rides to the resort, I’d already saved myself about $2,000 off the retail price.

So $240 for 3+ hours in the spa didn’t sound like a lot, under that lens. We booked it for the following day.

I was beyond excited! I’ve never had so many treatments done at once. And never treated myself to anything this luxurious.

The Hyatt Ziva Puerto Vallarta spa day of my dreamz

We showed up an hour early to sit in the sauna and lay out on the private pool deck. When we checked in, they gave us locker keys and invited us to change into big, comfy robes and slippers to get ready for the treatments.

Huge seating area

Tea station

Apples and lemon water

So we hung out and sat in the sauna until we were both sweating like crazy.

Private infinity pool

At that point, a quick dip in the pool sounded amazing. At you can’t knock the full view of the Pacific in the background!

A few minutes before our scheduled start time, they came out to show us to our reserved room.

We put on these little paper bikini things and got under our sheets, face down, with our heads supported by cushioned holders.

The spa room setup

They knocked and came in. So it began…

The 4 treatments

First up was the body scrub. They spread a rough, granular agave scrub over our limbs, backs, feet, chest… everywhere! (It smelled amazing.) My masseuse rubbed it in, then wiped it off.

At that point, we soaked in a jacuzzi tub with powerful jets to rinse off the scrub and prepare our skin for the wrap. We sat in the jacuzzi for 20 minutes, played with the bubbles, and enjoyed the ocean breeze on the outdoor deck.

Then, we came back in and they covered us with with a thick grayish-green clay for the wrap. Once applied, they wrapped us in plastic and covered us in heated blankets. More like cocoons. I felt like a human taco, personally. Those suckers got blazing hot inside! But it dried out the clay and sucked out all the toxins from our skin.

While in our little tacos, they did the facial.

OMG, they rubbed in so many products. My masseur wiped away the creams, potions, and tinctures so carefully. And even used a humidifier while she worked on my skin.

Once done, we rinsed off the clay and came back for the grand finale: the massage.

Man, she got all up in there. She dug into the knots in my back with her elbows. At one point, I gasped and she asked how the pressure was. I think a tear rolled down my face as I replied, “Great,” with as much enthusiasm as I could muster. Haha, but seriously, I loved it.

They also rubbed down our arms and legs, but the focus was the back. And just like that, it was over. I was literally blissed out of my mind. And laid there for about 10 minutes in a heavenly fog.

Bottom line

Link: Vitamar Spa

I’ve never had this level of attention or detail, or this many services performed one after the other. I was transported to another plane at the Vitamar Spa.

At one point during the massage, I think I drooled. During the body wrap and facial, I drifted in and out of consciousness. I might’ve even fallen asleep for a brief spell.

The masseurs were thorough, professional, and kind to both of us. In fact, we experienced nothing but gracious hospitality during the entire stay.

This spa day was the cherry on top.

If you stay here, the couples package is actually a pretty good deal. They told me at the desk it’s already discount by nearly 50%. And if you can split it with someone, even better.

After we were done, we had (many) margaritas and a delicious dinner at Casa Grande. I’ll fondly remember this day for a long, long time.

OUT AND OUT - Investing. Positivity. Oh, and travel.

Everyone Should Dump Stupid Bank Fees (5 Options to Consider)

Also see: 

Need a Checking Account With NO Fees, Minimums, or ATM Charges EVER? Try These.

If you’re paying fees to access your own money, it’s time to dump your stupid bank.

Do it now do it now DO IT NOW. If you pay $10 a month for not carrying a minimum balance, $2 to request a balance, or ATM fees when you need to withdraw money, vote with your feet. Get. Out. NOW.

Nope nope nope

I’ll share bank accounts that are completely FREE to have and use with NO minimum. Oh, and you don’t need a physical branch.

Get a FREE bank account (don’t pay to access your own money!)

Personally, I don’t think a large checking account balance is a badge of honor. So you have $100,000 sitting in a checking account? I mean, that’s cool but… your money should be working for you while you sleep at night. And it ain’t doin’ anything in your checking account. Especially if you pay fees to have said account.

And if you receive the bulk of your money through direct deposit, you do NOT need a physical branch.

Something that irritates me more than watching someone pay at a restaurant with a debit card is hearing they still pay fees for using their checking account.

To those people, I’d say… there is a way out. And yep, you’ll have to switch your direct deposits. No excuses.

Here are some totally free bank accounts to consider. Dump your bank!

1. Fidelity Cash Management account

Link: Open a Fidelity Cash Management account

This is what I personally use as my checking account. I’ve had it for years. And used the debit card to withdraw funds all over the world, including Japan, Chile, England, and Spain.

I’ve never paid a single cent for the account. And I think nothing of walking up to ANY ATM in the world and pulling out MY money. If there’s a fee, it doesn’t matter – it’s reimbursed as soon as the withdrawal clears. I’ve never had an issue with the card not working or with the conversion rates.

Nothing fancy, but works like a charm

I recently recommended this to a friend who was paying $8 per month to have a checking account – $96 a year just to access his own money! Criminal. Why do that when options like this exist for free?

Would you switch your direct deposit just once to save $96 in a single year?

2. Schwab Bank High Yield Investor Checking Account

Link: Open a Schwab checking account

Essentially the same except…

You’ll get a hard pull on your credit file
ATM fees are reimbursed once per statement cycle instead of as you go
You must open a Schwab brokerage account (thought you don’t have to use it, and it’s free)

Lots of travelers like this account for some reason. I prefer the Fidelity version, but that’s just me. If you like the setup of this account better, go for it! Both are free, so I approve whole-heartedly of either choice.

3. Aspiration Summit

Link: Open an Aspiration Summit account

This one is awesome because their checking account has a savings account built-in, like a hybrid.

Once you hit $2,500 in the account, you’ll earn 1% interest on the balance, which compounds monthly.

It’s free and helps non-profits. How cool is that?

If you like the simplicity of a singular account for checking and savings, and plan to save over $2,500, this is a solid option. Every ATM in the world is free to use. If there are any fees, you’ll get them back. And you’ll only pay a fee on this account if you choose.

Aspiration is also committed to helping non-profits around the world. So they’re free to have, and help worthy causes. Win-win all around.

4. Simple

Link: Open a Simple checking account

Simple is cool because they analyze your spending and give you a “safe to spend” number. That’s helpful if you rely on your checking account to reflect your finances.

In addition, you can add savings goals – as many as you want – and fill them up like little buckets, right inside your account. (This is known as the envelope system.)

Simple lets you split your money up however you want

You can also set up a shared account with a partner or spouse. That’s useful if you’re saving up to take a trip together, for example. Or for a house down payment.

Biggest drawback? You have to use their network of fee-free ATMs to make transactions. So you can’t stroll up to any ATM like you can with the previous 3 options.

However, if you have a convenient ATM near you, or if you don’t use them often enough to really matter, the other cool features might win you over.

The goal-setting and partner account-sharing are excellent features – this should appeal to lots of peeps. And the account is free to keep and have. The app is also super cool and easy to use.

5. Capital One 360

Link: Open a Capital One 360 checking account

Here’s another free account with no minimums or requirements. Just free to use.

Solid choice if you’re in the Capital One ecosystem

Their app is clean and easy to navigate, customer service is great, and branches are plentiful should you need them. If you have a Capital One credit card, even better – it’s easy to move money across your accounts.

I have Capital One for my auto loan and they’re all over Dallas. I’d consider them if I didn’t already have the Fidelity account.

Bonus: Your local credit union

If you really want a physical branch, consider supporting a credit union near you. Their rates are often competitive and generous. And you’ll have a branch nearby should you need it.

It’s also good to support local businesses. Even better, you’ll be privy to preferred rates on auto loans and mortgages, should you ever need them. And having a checking account is a stepping stone toward that bigger overall relationship. Plus, supporting your community is awesome.

What It’s REALLY Like to Travel While Gay

Also see: 

Thoughts on Visiting the UAE as a Gay Man

WARNING: This post contains graphic language that some may find offensive or triggering. If that’s you, please do NOT continue. 

There are places in this world I’ll never visit. Not because I don’t want to see them. But because they don’t want to see me.

Aside from political or economic strife, the entire globe is available to you if you’re a straight, white, cis man. But being a gay traveler, it isn’t possible.

I know I’m not wanted everywhere in this world. And I won’t go to those places. There’s a reason why

In fact, I’m used to watching my back when I visit different neighborhoods in my own town. I know that stopping at the wrong gas station can get me killed. Or that holding a partner’s hand in some countries can get me thrown in jail for obscenity, or executed.

There are a few things I always think about before I decide to take a trip. As a gay traveler, my biggest goal is to make it back home.

Why is it like this?

Before I sound histrionic for no reason, there are hundreds of thousands of micro-moments that have pounded into me how watched and unwelcome I really am in some places. I’m aware of how hard-won gay rights are, even (especially?) in the US. And how they’re rapidly reverting under the current administration. It’s scary to think we live among people that regard us as sub-human, or not worth the same rights.

If I touch my partner in public, it could be perceived as “shoving my gayness down people’s throats.” At the recent Olympics, gay athletes heard similar:

Speaking about the backlash over the kiss he shared with his boyfriend, actor Matthew Wilkas, before competing inthe men’s ski slopestyle final this year — where he finished in last place — Gus Kenworthy said, “People were like, ‘We get it, we don’t need to see it though. I don’t care what you do behind closed doors, but don’t put it in my face.’ ”

What if this was a guy and a girl? Would it be “normal” then? Photo from Outsports

“And it’s kind of like, well my entire life, in movies and commercials, in public, everywhere, you see straight heterosexual love and that’s completely fine because it’s normal, but us also showing the same type of affection isn’t shoving it in your face, it’s just us existing,” he continued.

I’ve gone to lengths to swat away the hands of men I dated instead of proudly holding hands because of these sentiments. Instead of simply existing, I have to think of “how it looks” or who I’m offending.

It starts at home

This mindset was implanted into me right here at home. And not in rural, conservative places. But cities like New York, Chicago, and New Orleans. Things I’ve had to deal with for being “too gay” in public:

In Chicago, walking down Halsted Avenue in Boystown, a car full of men threw beer cans at bottles at me. I ran into a shop before bursting into tears and to check if I was bleeding (I was a college student at the time)
In Brooklyn, someone rolled down their car window to call me a “bitch” as I walked home with 4 bags of groceries
In New Orleans, I sat with a friend at Cafe Du Monde for coffee. An older woman approached me to say I was “disgusting faggot” and that I was “going to hell” – totally unprompted
In Manhattan, a man called me a “fucking faggot” and followed me as I exited the subway train and up the MTA stairs. Thank god there were cops at the turnstile, or who knows what would’ve happened. My heart was racing the entire time

Right after this picture was taken, I was informed I’m going to hell for being a disgusting faggot. Cafe Du Monde. New Orleans. November 2017.

You kind of never forget those things. They stay with you.

I always kind of recoil when strangers approach me. Because I never know if it’s going to be supportive or if I’m going to be called a filthy fag again.

It isn’t always negative, though. In New York, I was a little drunk and held my partner’s hand as we walked down 9th Avenue in Chelsea. A girl stopped us to tell us how happy she was for us. It was a nice gesture, to be sure. But also another little reminder that doing something normal was considered an act of defiance that required anonymous support from someone on the street.

I would never dream of going up to a straight couple and gushing about how happy I am to see them holding hands. Because it’s the norm. But my normality, my existence, is considered by some as defiance. It’s a constant reminder of the ongoing struggle.

“Normality” is pervasive

It comes in simpler ways, too. The “little reminders.”

When I get into a cab, the driver will sometimes casually – and innocently – ask me where my girlfriend is. I usually say something like, “Oh, she’s waiting for me at home,” or “This is just a work trip” (even if it’s not). It’s easier to lie than get into an argument, especially when you’re trapped in someone else’s car in an unfamiliar place.

Shopkeepers will ask if I’m shopping for myself or my girlfriend – we have lots of lovely women’s items on sale. I just say thanks and move on.

It’s not for my girlfriend

My distant family members will elbow me and jokingly ask when I’m gonna bring a girl home/settle down/have kids. Sometimes I say, “Never, because I’m gay.” But that’s a whole “thing.” Other times I’ll just shrug and brush it off.

These are all normal things to ask. Nice, even. Because being straight is normal. And 9 times out of 10, the person you ask will have the “right” answer. (Literally. It’s estimated that 1 in 10 people in the US are gay/queer/trans/bi/intersex.)

It’s always sort of disarming to make the mental hurdle and realize they think they’re being nice. And they are. But again, it’s all the little reminders that add up… I don’t have a girlfriend at home… I’m not shopping for my wife… Is something wrong with that?

We take it with us

Every queer, lesbian, gay, bi, or trans person I’ve talked to about this – without exception – has a variation of the same theme: the questions, the reminders, the jarring, random hatred. We all know people who come from less-than-supportive families. Who’ve been beaten. We all know people who have killed themselves, run away from home, or turned to drugs.

We all know people who turn to random, anonymous sex to mask the pain and revel in moments of acceptance, even if it’s dangerous. Even if it ended up killing them.

Another time someone went out of their way to make others feel bad about themselves

All of these reasons are why we need support groups, outreach organizations, resource centers, and safe spaces. Straight people don’t need these things to this degree or magnitude. You won’t get conversion therapy for being straight. But you might get shocked in the head for being gay.

With all of this going on in the background, it’s impossible to NOT take the mindset with you when you travel. Even if you’re going to a well-known “gay” destination, like Paris, Barcelona, or Sydney. Part of you always watches your back.

I’ve had the same “normal” questions in other countries – where’s my girlfriend, would I like a souvenir for my wife, why am I alone – but not to nearly the same extent as within the US. I think it’s because overseas, I’m not a gay man first, but a tourist. An American.

And that brings up more questions like where are you from, how do you like it here, etc. But those other questions are always hanging around. The little reminders.

Places I will never go

For better or worse, I will never visit:

Bermuda – They banned gay marriage. In February 2018. A month ago. For real???
Jamaica – Sex between men is illegal, and if you’re targeted for being gay, you won’t be protected by their government. Officials are known to condone and participate in anti-gay violence. Guess I’ll never make it to the Hyatt Ziva Rose Hall in Montego Bay. I hear the food is shitty anyway
Lithuania – Proposed anti-gay bills recently, including anti-“gay propaganda” legislation that would have banned everything from LGBT groups to Pride parades
Russia – You have got to be fucking kidding me. I’m sure Moscow is pretty and no doubt has lots of history but… hard pass
Egypt – Officials have been cracking down extensively on gay men, including raiding bathhouses. And police are known to lure gay men over the internet and on smartphones. Being gay is considered criminal and “debauchery”
Ghana – Did you know that gays worship Satan? Yeah, me either
Nigeria – 97 percent of Nigerians believe homosexuality is unacceptable. Same-sex couples can face up to 14 years in prison, and same-sex PDA is illegal
Senegal – Gay sex is criminalized. There are fines and jail time for “offenders” and over a dozen gay men are in jail for simply being gay
Sudan – A 2011 report from the State Department said vigilantes routinely attack gay people here. No thanks!
Uganda – “Kill the Gays” bill, anyone?
Zimbabwe – Gays are considered “filth” and can be beheaded, with most of the country’s approval

Too risky

So yeah, a lot of Africa is off my radar. Even if it’s “perfectly safe” for visitors, why would I want to reward anti-gay rhetoric with tourist dollars? I also still struggle with much of the Middle East, although I’d love to visit Tel Aviv someday.

In general, eastern Europe can be hit or miss. Caribbean nations like Cuba, Haiti, the Dominican Republic, and even Puerto Rico have a reputation for heteronormative “machismo” attitudes. And gay men do NOT fit into that equation. This bleeds over into parts of Mexico. Although I try to be “not so gay” when I visit there. Sigh.

I watch myself at home, too

I will never forget walking down Cedar Springs Avenue, the epicenter of gay Dallas, with a guy I was dating at the time. He reached for my hand, and as usual, I swatted it away.

“It’s OK,” he said. “We’re safe here. This is the gayborhood.”

“Heh,” I replied. “Yeah, but you never know who’s gonna ride down the street and throw something at you.” An exact experience I had walking in the center of Chicago’s gay epicenter. Nowhere is really safe when you’re gay.

During a road trip through Oklahoma on the way back to Dallas in January 2018, I literally shivered as I got out to fill the tank and saw this:

Yes, I know I am going to hell. I’ve been told that my whole life

There were also lots of gigantic trucks: code for fragile male egos with homophobic tendencies (a whole other problem in this country). I wondered if I looked “too gay.” If I’d get murdered for being at the wrong place at the wrong time. I fueled up as fast as I could and floored it out of there.

Even in Texas, where I live now, I don’t dare venture too far out of Dallas. I still think of Boys Don’t Cry (set in Nebraska), and the brutal murder of Matthew Shepard in Wyoming. I think of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.” Of all the states that actively fought against gay marriage.

But it’s NOT political. Because all the times I’ve been attacked, called a faggot, or a bitch, or felt the most unsafe were in some of the “bluest” cities in this country: Chicago, New Orleans, and New York. There’s no safe place in public. The best you can hope for is to blend in and not get caught at the wrong moment.

There is so much I don’t know

I hope this comes across and realistic and level-headed, not negative or bitter. Because it’s not like I go out looking for trouble. I try to blend in as much as possible: that’s the key for avoiding a lot of the hate.

But I can’t help but wonder what it’s like for black or Asian or POC travelers, solo women travelers, or those who are handicapped or disabled. The thing with being gay is it’s not always visible. But being black is. Being a woman is. What is it like for them? Have the same things been pounded into them when they’ve gone out in public?

My experiences can’t possibly exist in isolation. And I don’t have the answers

I’ve seen people pull back as I approach them to compliment their outfit, or give directions when I can tell they’re lost. I know it because I do it too: that little moment of “oh god, what do you want from me?” So I let them have it – I have to – then try to be as nice as possible. Not in an over-the-top way. But perhaps in an “extra nice” kind of way. I know I always appreciate the little acts of random kindness. It’s all I can do to give that to others. Instead of “little reminders.”

I have no idea what others have to go through, and I never will. But based on my experiences of traveling while gay, I can imagine some of what they’ve had to put up with. The racial insults. The cat calls. The wondering why the man so much bigger than you is behind you for so long.

I try to erase just a little of that. But it’s so much, and so pervasive. I can’t help but think it’s like saving a grain of sand from the beach. Or throwing a glass of water on a fire. But so be it, if that’s all I can do, then I’ll do it.

Other perspectives and resources

The 10 Places LGBT Travelers Should Never Visit – Out Traveler
76 Crimes – Documenting the 76+ countries with anti-gay laws
The Complicated Ethics of Traveling While Gay – Slate
How Gay Travel Is Different (And Why It Matters) – Nomadic Matt / Written by Adam (we’ve collaborated before on Out and Out for an article about Barcelona)
LGBTI Travel Information – Travel.State.Gov (Lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and intersex (LGBTI) travelers face unique challenges when traveling abroad. Laws and attitudes in some countries may affect safety and ease of travel. Legal protections vary from country to country. Many countries do not legally recognize same-sex marriage. More than seventy countries consider consensual same-sex sexual relations a crime, sometimes carrying severe punishment.)
Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender foreign travel advice – Gov.UK – Sad as it is practical – a must-read

Bottom line

You never know what someone’s going through. Or where they’ve been. What they’re thinking. There’s still a lot of hate in this world. Even if you don’t look for it.

It’s been ground into me that I’m going to hell, I’m filthy, I’m a faggot. That’s all fine. I don’t have to believe it. But it’s sad that there are people who go out of their way to make sure someone else feels bad about something they can’t change.

Traveling while gay means to take all those ideas and experiences and reminders and apply them every time you’re not at home. Travel, in this case, can mean another neighborhood in your own town. Or another country with laws that will NOT protect you.

I truly believe in the power of positivity. But there’s a fine line between “positive thinking” and “delusional.” We still have to operate within the realms of reality. And the reality is there are not-so-nice people out there.

I want to believe people are mostly good. That strangers are friends you haven’t made yet. Et cetera. But part of me will never stop checking to see if I’m being followed. Or wincing a little every time someone asks where my girlfriend is and wouldn’t I like to buy her a nice gift?

Traveling while gay means giving up some parts of the world. No “every country in the world” checklist for me. Large geographic areas to avoid – entire regions.

I have had incredible experiences while traveling. That’s why I keep doing it. It’s just that, as a gay traveler, there’s a whole other narrative playing in my head. All the time. And the only way I know to make it better is to be as nice as I can to others. And to not draw too much attention to myself.

Have you had an experience traveling as a gay person (or POC, woman, disabled person, or human)?

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this. The comments here are a safe space. You can say whatever you want about me, but I won’t tolerate comments that attack others.

OUT AND OUT - Investing. Positivity. Oh, and travel.

The Best 2X Card for Non-Bonus Spending Now Has a 10,000 Point Welcome Offer

To start, the Blue Business Plus Amex is a small business card. But Amex is known to be generous with small business card approvals, so long as you have a for-profit venture, or are aiming to make a profit.

This card got instant “workhorse” classification. And it’s been a stalwart companion in my wallet since the day I got it.

MVP status, this one

When it launched in Summer 2017, there was a brief welcome offer for 20,000 Amex Membership Rewards points. But when that faded, it went to nothing.

Now a welcome offer of 10,000 Amex Membership Rewards points is available. But I think this card is good enough to get even without a bonus!

About the Blue Business Plus Amex

Link: Blue Business Plus Amex – learn more here

The strength of this card is in its simplicity. You get 2X Amex Membership Rewards on the first $50,000 you spend per calendar year on the card. So it’s a great card for non-bonus spending – up to an extra 100,000 Amex Membership Rewards points per year.

There’s no annual fee – so it’s free to keep forever. Because it’s a small business card, it won’t show on your personal credit report – and therefore has no bearing on your Chase 5/24 status. And for that same reason, you need to have some quantifiable business income. But again, Amex is, in my experience, lax about this – as long as you can show something.

If you want to pick it up now, you can earn 10,000 Amex Membership Rewards points after spending $3,000 on purchases within the first 3 months account opening.

Offer details

I jumped on this card the second it came out. And use it for expenses that would earn 1 point per $1 on other cards (non-bonus categories).

I also consider it to be better than a 2% cashback card. That’s because I value each point at 2 cents each. So it’s like getting 4% back (or more!) after I transfer the points to an Amex travel partner.

You can transfer Amex points to any of these 16 airlines, with many at a 1:1 ratio

This card will keep all your Amex Membership Rewards points alive should you choose to cancel another one that has a big fee, like the Amex Platinum Card ($550 annual fee) or Amex Premier Rewards Gold ($195 annual fee).

There’s also a quite long period with 0% APR – 15 months. Which could be good to help pay down some debt. Or float a charge for a sec.

Best uses of Amex Membership Rewards points

Link: Amex travel transfer partners

The best transfer partners are:

British Airways – Hard to beat 7,500 points for short-haul coach flights under 1,151 miles. Those are some of the most expensive flights!
Delta – When they have an award flash sale, you can actually get a good deal, as low as 5,000 miles each way. The points transfer instantly, so you can literally transfer them the second you find something good
Flying Blue – 15,000 miles for a one-way to Hawaii from anywhere in the mainland US is hard to beat, although they are updating their award chart soon. Hope this one sticks around!
Etihad – You can still book American Airlines awards at low prices. I booked an award on Brussels Airlines and had no issues doing so with a phone call
Singapore – Fly round-trip in coach on United within North America for 25,000 miles. Or fly to Hawaii and back for 35,000 miles. I’ve also booked this award – amazing deal

Use the points you earn with the Blue Business Plus Amex to fly to Hawaii with Flying Blue, Singapore, or even Delta where there’s a promotion

Having a card that adds to the stash at a 2X rate with no annual fee is pretty sweet. I love watching the rewards roll in for purchases that ordinarily don’t earn bonus points.

My experience getting the Blue Business Plus Amex

I didn’t get a hard pull when I applied. Which is awesome. This is my 6th Amex credit card – so I may be at my limit (my others are SPG personal and biz, Hilton Surpass, and 2 no AF Hilton).

Instant approval!

I was instantly approved… with a $2,000 credit limit, which isn’t much.

Luckily, this card has a feature where you can “spend above your credit limit.”

Seems fair

I checked what would happen for a $5,000 charge, and they said no prob, bob. That’s good, because my Airbnb rents are more than $2,000 a month (which I can still pay with Plastiq). The hitch is, you must pay off the amount above your credit limit at the end of each billing cycle. Also not a problem – I do that anyway.

I could probably ask Amex to shift my credit lines around. But the application process was a total breeze.

Bottom line

Blue Business Plus Amex – learn more here
Starwood small business Amex – learn more here
Hilton small business Amex – learn more here

Amex is killing it with small business card offers right now. The Blue Business Plus is remarkable simply because it has one at all. But it’s such a trusty steed, I think it’s worth getting even without one. So earning 10,000 Amex Membership Rewards points is gravy.

Before you apply, consider the Starwood small business Amex has a best-ever offer of 35,000 Starwood points after meeting the minimum spending (it’s $7,000 in the first 3 months!). That offer expires on March 28th, 2018. I reviewed the card here. You can NOT earn the bonus on this version of the card if you’ve ever had the card before.

Finally, there’s the brand new Hilton small business Amex. You can earn 75,000 Hilton points when you spend $3,000 in the first 3 months. And another 25,000 Hilton points when you spend $1,000 more in the first 6 months – for a total of 100,000 Hilton points. And the spending is more manageable.

NONE of these cards count toward your Chase 5/24 status and all are excellent welcome offers. I have 2 out of the 3 and might go for that new Hilton card to boost my Hilton points balance. All are worth considering, depending on your travel goals.

Which one of these offers do you think is best? If you have the Blue Business Plus Amex, do you like it as much as I do? 

OUT AND OUT - Investing. Positivity. Oh, and travel.