Matador Network's Blog, page 2054
September 6, 2015
9 signs you're a tourist in France
There are so many bottles to choose from! The aisle must be at least a mile long. First there are the reds, which blend ever so delicately into the rosés and finally bleach out into the whites. There are sweet wines, dry wines, and bubbly wines. Some are bottled in the vineyard itself, others aren’t. There are even South American wines now…as if it weren’t hard enough already.
At dinner parties you pretend to know what people mean when they say a Beaujolais tastes of bananas, but the truth is your only criterion to distinguish a good wine from a bad one is the price. You’ve narrowed it down now: Anything over 4 euros a bottle and you won’t be bringing vinegar to tonight’s get together.
2. You’re still shocked by bare breasts at the beach.
You’ve never understood the contradictory tension between Catholicism and the human body in Romance countries. If, like me, you come from a Protestant country with Calvinist leanings, your first time on a French beach must have had you doing double takes.
3. You think blue cheese stinks.
Just the thought of putting those greenish chunks of mold in your mouth makes you gag. How anyone could eat such a putrid cheese — especially when paired with bitter endive — is beyond you.
4. You can’t say your phone number properly.
If only the French had decided to say their phone numbers one digit at a time. Instead, they group digits into pairs, and it gets you every time. Whenever you need to give your cell number to someone, you end up standing there with a blank expression on your face as you try desperately to remember how to say 97. Quatre-vingt-dix-sept? Seriously? “Four twenties and seventeen?” Why on earth did they make the numbers between soixante-neuf (69) and cent (100) so damn hard?
5. You own the Amélie soundtrack.
It’s rare to be able to travel without any preconceived ideas about your destination. It’s almost impossible to avoid the hype and stereotypes about Paris. We’ve all seen the pictures, we’ve all heard the songs. Besides, as if that weren’t enough, you decided to do a movie marathon of the French classics before your trip to the most romantic city in the world: Paris Je T’aime, Le Fabuleux Destin d’Amélie Poulain, À Bout de Souffle…
While all the Parisians around you are moaning, squeezing themselves into the sweaty metro, or avoiding dog turds on the sidewalks, you’re listening to your favourite soundtrack, totally oblivious to the daily grind, a glazed look of nostalgia on your face.
6. You keep forgetting there are four rush hours a day.
Everybody knows about the morning and evening rush hours, but in France, you have to deal with the noon and 2pm traffic, too. It’s all thanks to the famous French pause-déjeuner. The lunch break in France lasts just long enough for most people to be able to go home and eat a proper meal, instead of simply grabbing a sandwich at the nearest bakery. Needless to say, that leaves you with only a few windows of opportunity to beat the traffic, and you fall headfirst into it every single time.
7. Your ethics prevent you from eating foie gras.
Shoving food down the gullet of a goose to make its liver fatty sounds like force-feeding a prisoner on hunger strike. It’s just plain wrong! Every Christmas, people roll their eyes when you refuse to even touch the foie-gras-covered blinis that get passed around the dinner table.
8. You still believe Parisians don’t have an accent.
In school, you were told that real French comes from Paris. When your teachers corrected your pronunciation, it was with a Parisian accent, a neutral accent.
A sure sign of advanced Frenchness is the ability to recognize not only the strong twang of southern French accents, but also to hear that Parisians don’t just say “ouais,” they say “oué-euh.” Listen to the French singer Renaud and you’ll see what I’m talking about.
9. You still believe that one day you’ll be French.
So maybe you can get your hands on French citizenship, but unless you were born in France, you’ll never truly be French. One way or another, you’ll end up giving yourself away.
Photo: Liana Skewes 
15 questions Brazilians are sick of hearing
Photo: Jon Rawlinson
1. “If you’re Brazilian, why are you so white?”
This is a question that some Brazilians hear a lot and the answer is simple: No!
Brazil has no face, no color and no body. In Brazil, none of the typical identification rules apply. We’re a country of immigration and because of that, we have all the faces and all the body types here. We’re everybody, mixed all together, in one big nation.
2. “How do you say ‘good morning’ in Spanish?”
How the hell should we know? We speak Portuguese! Believe or not, the biggest country in South America is the only country that doesn’t actually speak Spanish as its main language. The little country of Portugal was the one who got here first.
3. “So the capital of Brazil is Buenos Aires, right?”
Wrong, wrong, WRONG. The capital of Brazil is Brasilia. Buenos Aires is the capital of our lovely neighbour Argentina.
4. “What do Brazilians typically eat?”
Okay so Brazil is almost 2x as big as Europe. We have TONS of typical dishes. If French food has almost nothing to do with Finnish food, can you even imagine the amount of flavour, spices and unique cuisine we have in Brazil? We have feijoada, churrasco, feijao tropeiro, escondidinho, carne de panela. And pao de queijo, coxinha, pastel, risoles, empada. Then some brigadeiro, beijinho, pe de moleque, paçoca, pamonha, quindim… Do I really need to list more?
5. “If I go to Brazil, will I see beautiful naked women on the beaches of Ipanema and Copacabana?”
No, you will not! Brazil still has a law that makes going topless illegal here.
6. “Can’t I just catch a bus from São Paulo to the Amazon forest?”
Well, technically you can, but you’ll stay inside that bus for more than 4 or 5 days. Remember, we’re huge. You should probably take a plane.
7. “Brazil is a pretty dangerous place, right?”
No, of course not! Brazil, just like any other country has its areas where you should be more cautious than others, yes. But to be honest, you just shouldn’t be stupid here. Don’t go out on the streets showing your high-end mobile phone and flashing your brand new gold Rolex.
8. “Are Caipirinhas only made with lemon?”
Heeeeeellllllll no! And not only with cachaça either! Caipirinha is a big thing in Brazil and the lemon+ice+sugar+cachaça combo is by far the most popular version of it. But most bars have creative alternatives like the ones made with Sake and Vodka, or different fruits like passion fruit, clementines, strawberries and so on. We do a lot with our Caipirinhas.
9. “Does every Brazilian know the samba?”
Actually, from all the friends that I’ve made in my entire life, less than a 1/4 of them actually know how to dance samba for real. It’s more common to find a Brazilian who can’t dance samba than it is to find one who can.
10. “What about salsa? Do you all know how to salsa?”
We-do-not-have-salsa! I can’t stress this enough. And we have so much more than samba, too. Frevo is an amazing dance that the carnavals in cities like Olinda have as their main thing. You should Google it — it’s colourful, happy and we dance it with an umbrella.
11. “Can’t I just stay on the beach from 9am until the sun goes down?”
If you’re asking this, chances are you’re from a cold country a much lower sun tolerance. Countless tourists, especially from Northern Europe, come to Brazil and get crazy with the beach. They forget to hydrate, they forget to put on sunscreen. Please do not do that. Brazil is a tropical country and you should take every safety precaution you can with our sun.
12. “Do gorillas and jaguars just cross the street like it’s normal?”
First of all: We don’t even have gorillas, we’re not African.
Second of all: Brazil is not the Amazon, therefore we’re not all jungle.
Brazil is home to more than 200 million people and has several of the largest cities in the world, of course we don’t have jaguars just wandering around. Well, maybe in Manaus they do.
13. “Will I get robbed by a monkey in Brazil?”
Mmmmmm…no?! Do I really need to answer this one?
14. “Do you even feel the heat?”
Did you know we have snow in Brazil? It’s very rare but temperatures in the very south can go as low as 1 or 0 degrees. In São Paulo, the biggest city on the entire South American continent, the winter can give us temperatures of 3 or 4 Celsius. So yeah, I can feel the difference between hot and cold.
15. “Are you excellent at football?”
No, just because I’m Brazilian doesn’t mean that I even know how to play football. And I’m not going to even start to tell you how rare it is to find somebody as good as Neymar. That’s why he’s so famous. 
Schooling in France
Photo: Gordon
1. Don’t expect to be coddled or cuddled.
French teachers have one goal in mind at the beginning of the year: to teach their students a fixed curriculum that is pre-established and approved by the administration. There is little fluff in the French curriculum that is not purely academic. Especially at a younger level, children are not consistently praised for their efforts or small successes in order to build confidence. I’ve come to ignore the lack of stickers, stars, and “great job” marked in the kids’ notebooks. In France, the style of teaching and learning emphasizes academic excellence, discipline, and diligence.
2. No open door policy.
French schools usually have gates and once the bell rings in the morning, students are no longer allowed in. Except for the youngest students in maternelle (ages 3-5), parents are not allowed through the gates even at drop-off unless there is a specific reason to speak to a teacher, and usually, this is pre-approved. Communications with the teachers are done through a cahier de correspondence, or a notebook where school updates, meetings, and messages to the teacher are written down.
3. Sitting Still.
French school kids are expected to sit still and behave in class, even at the youngest age. They are rewarded with recess time three times a day — two shorter breaks, and one long recess after lunch. The playground is usually a zoo with kids running around, laughing, shouting, and getting rid of all the pent-up energy stored from sitting still for so long. As an American parent, better to stay away from the school gates and ignore recess, much less supervised than in the US, and often a Darwinian struggle for survival.
For more like this, check out 11 French parenting skills you should use with your kids this school year
4. A brainiac not popularity contest.
French children look up to the smart, academic students in class, and strive to be like them. Popularity contests based on looks, social status, and clothing brands are less common. Elementary students have a way of knowing who the best students in the class are: they often compare notes amongst each other outside of class and know exactly where each other stands in class rankings.
5. Handwriting is not a lost art.
Take any fourth grader in France and watch him or her write out a sentence while you try to contain your admiration! The French put high importance on cursive writing (they don’t learn anything other than cursive), even grading it and making it a huge priority in the early elementary years. It is an important part of all their classes and school work, much of which is still handwritten.
6. Independence is a virtue.
Elementary students often walk or bike to school on their own (from 4th grade onwards in general), or with a parent if they are younger. Independence is taught early on in France, so that by middle school students need much less of their parents for carpooling or other practical matters.
7. Five star lunches.
There is nothing but sheer admiration for the French for emphasizing proper nutrition amongst all school children, but in particular in the elementary years. Every day they sit down to a hot meal, oftentimes made freshly on the premises. Varied and balanced menus are pre-approved by a nutritionist, and the children are given 30 minutes to eat (sitting down at a properly-set table), before going outside to play for an hour. The French believe that proper eating habits, proper nutrition, and teaching children how to eat many different kinds of foods is essential to their upbringing. It is not optional in France. Food is an important part of the culture, and local governments and public schools walk the walk with an amazing lunchtime menu.
For more like this, check out What French kids eat for school lunch (it puts Americans to shame!)
8. Vacations.
Although it is tough to swallow, the 8 (yes 8!) weeks of vacation French children have before summer vacation starts (usually another 7 to 8 weeks!) are usually a big relief for the students who have long days (8:30am to 4:30pm) and weeks of academic rigor; they welcome the opportunity to relax their brains. The French expect a lot from their students, but in turn, they are rewarded with periods to relax, unwind, and forget about academics regularly. 
20 little things you’ll miss when you leave Cape Town
Photo: Wesley Nitsckie
1. Being as chill as a “Capetonian”
Wearing the “Slaapstad” nickname proudly, you made plans by saying, “I’ll be there just now,” which could have meant 20 minutes or 3 hours. And even if you never actually liked walking around barefoot, it was good to know you had the option.
2. Lions Head
There was no feeling better than summiting that 332-metre climb, after doubting whether you’d make it to the top at all. With your pulse still pounding in your ears from that demanding last stretch, it’s like you’d escaped the city without really leaving it. Confronted with panoramic views of the City Bowl, Green Point, Camps Bay, the Twelve Apostles and of course, Table Mountain, you have the mandatory Facebook proof of all the times you actually made it.
3. All of the cultural diversity
From the Cape Dutch houses to the vibrant, colourful Bo-Kaap, to the different races, cultures and religions, living in Cape Town was like experiencing several continents in one day. How many places in the world can you see synagogues, temples, mosques, churches and kramats all existing peacefully on one peninsula? You’ll always remember walking down Wale street and hearing a call to prayer. Then, when you cross Buitengracht, it’s suddenly replaced with the sound of Petite Noir spilling out of Clarke’s and the hipsters there using words like “rad,” “mainstream” and “that’s so grunge.”
4. Being able to take a long coastal drive
Driving along those long, languorous curves with the sun up, windows down and the crisp Cape Town breeze licking your face. Whether it was Chapman’s Peak, Camps Bay to Llandudno or Kalk Bay, it was meditation.
5. Hot dogs from Power and the Glory
These always had to be washed down with Devil’s Peak craft beer and a rollie.
6. The infinite number of days spent lumming on the beach
Your hair got so salty on those days when you braved the freezing cold ocean at Clifton or Llandudno, watching the surfers tear up the waves and cursing the tourists for taking all the good parking spots.
7. Racing on De Waal Drive
You pushed your little zippy car to the limits, cutting corners as you surfed those curves. It never failed to bring out your inner Schumacher and you’re not sure your car will ever forgive you.
8. Fish ‘n chips from Fish On the Rocks
Sitting amongst the seagulls at the ocean’s edge, sipping on Coke and piling vinegar on that fried hake, calamari and chips, you’ll probably never experience as much happiness as you did from that greasy something.
9. People watching at Sea Point promenade
You promised yourself you were going to jog there every day, but you were just as happy to settle for ice cream while watching the aviator-wearing, neon-gym-pants-clad, Ipod-listening fitness bunnies do their thing.
10. Rafiki’s
Beer in one hand, chilli popper in the other and 5 p.m. traffic crawling sluggishly below. You could see into the cars of the sweaty nine-to-fivers from Rafiki’s rickety balcony and it made that ice cold beer all the more refreshing.
11. Café Caprice
There are two types of Capetonians: those who love Caprice and those who love to hate it. You could easily find the latter on the balcony at Rafiki’s.
12. Wine tasting
With glasses clinking and corks popping, you pretended to be a wine connoisseur for the day using phrases like, “This sauvignon is drier than the last.” All while sitting in the shade with green leaves overhead, staring out at the neat monoculture of the Constantia Hills.
13. Saturday mornings at the Old Biscuit Mill
This place is the reason you were broke before month-end. With so many delicious food stalls you hardly knew where to start – “Let’s go to The Frying Dutchman for poffertjes, but first some paella… or maybe Belgian waffles? Oh look, artisan honey! Aaaargh!”
14. Navigating by the mountains
On a peninsula dominated by 1000-metre high mountains like Table Mountain and the Twelve Apostles, you were never completely lost. You also had those hill-start skills perfectly honed.
15. Feeling a summer day in the middle of winter
Lions Head missions and promenade walks were totally feasible in winter too.
16. MYOG
Because it’s 98% fat free, which meant you could overload it with smarties and flake. You may or may not have gone at 11 p.m. in your pajamas.
17. Trying to follow the Table Cloth
You watched the torrent of clouds tumbling continuously down the face of Table Mountain, and tried to follow the trail.
18. Spotting zebras from the highway
Arriving on the N2 inbound from a weekend away was the best “Welcome home!” ever.
19. Engen pies
Whether you’d just come from Mont, Longstreet or Town, those drunken nights were incomplete without a pie from the closest Engen.
20. Summer sunsets
It didn’t matter where you were for this — as the sun dipped behind Signal Hill and started reaching for the Atlantic Ocean, the sky passed through a spectrum of colours too unique to name. There was nothing left to do but to appreciate it, with a tall cocktail in hand and saluting the sun for a job well done. 
September 5, 2015
12 signs you were born and raised in Oregon
The idea of drinking water outside of the state makes your tongue curl and your stomach turn. Is this at least filtered?! I really only drink fresh mountain runoff…
2. You’re tired of the word ‘hipster’.
Just because Portlandia characters tend to look like ’90s grunge band members doesn’t mean the entire population of Oregon does (let alone Portland), nor does it mean that everyone is a raw food-munching, non-prescription glasses toting, homemade clothes-wearing cliché.
When approached by an outsider with the inevitable question of, “Is it really like Portlandia?” you answer with a defensive, “No. Er…yes? Well, sort of.”
Portland has been weird for ages. We love our coffee, books, bikes, food trucks, and live music to no end, and we prefer organic but we’re not extreme. Those of us with bad eyesight are just thankful that four eyes are finally an acceptable accessory to wear out at night. We may relish in the non-conformist hipster attitude, but giving us that label is almost as insulting as asking if we still ride in covered wagons. Please.
3. You take craft beer for granted.
As Hop Valley experts, we’re proud of our vast connection to local breweries. Venture anywhere outside of the PNW looking for a thirst-quenching Golden Ale or rejuvenating IPA and you’re quickly disappointed with the generic stock of 4% watery lagers like Budweiser and Coors.
4. You’re friendly. Maybe too friendly.
It’s little wonder that farmers, manufacturers, and city slickers alike have benefited from the relaxed attitude of this lush green state (not that I’m implying any connection to the fresh soil opportunities for a particular plant that was recently legalized).
Having been born under these notorious grey rainclouds is likely what made most of us immune to seasonal depression and naturally drawn to Sorel boots and flannel. We’re not here to impress. We’re here to appreciate life. Oregonians are open-minded, carefree people with a modest understanding of “stranger danger.” We aren’t afraid to say hello to new faces on the street, and we can strike up a conversation about practically anything. We will probably feel guilty if we ignore your passing smile, and we’ll definitely apologize to the homeless if we don’t give up our spare change.
5. You cringe when people pronounce it “Or-y-gone.”
Who started that? We haven’t gone anywhere. There’s no good way to spell it out, but say it with me: “Oar-ih-guhn.”
6. You recycle.
Remember that spring morning in third grade when the teachers sat you down for an exciting presentation, only to have the phrase “Reduce, Reuse, Recycle!” incessantly ingrained into your innocent being? I think the indoctrination continued throughout our entire childhood. Along with over-the-top Earth Weeks, it added up to years of training about the importance of recycling.
So it doesn’t matter if your parents were the most organic tree huggers on the block, or a gas-guzzling family of 6 that just couldn’t escape the city’s mandates, all of us Oregonians are now the product of avid environmentalists whether we like it or not, and recycling has become both a force of habit and a terrifying task. You’re paranoid of accidentally tossing your throwaways into the wrong bins, and it pains you to visit places that don’t separate (although you’d never admit that…or maybe you would, and then you’d be just as crazy as your mother).
7. You know what Rip City means.
Sure, it’s where other teams come to “Rest in Peace”, but you know it really just represents the foundation and passion for Blazers basketball. It doesn’t matter if it’s a playoff year, a rebuilding year, or a year of the worst trades in NBA history, we will always be home of the best 6th man.
8. You actually look forward to the rainy season.
Long summer days at Sauvie Island are hard to beat, especially when your friend’s dad brings his boat so everyone can wakeboard down the Columbia and Willamette Rivers from Kelly Pointe Park into Government Island or all the way to Sellwood. But there’s something equally special our crisp, wet falls when the sun reflects on orange-leafed trees.
9. You don’t use an umbrella.
Seriously. Do they even sell those here? If you can’t bear the crying clouds in your rain jacket, then ponchos are surprisingly acceptable…but never an umbrella. You may as well be wearing a dunce cap. You’re probably in shorts and flip flops anyway, because last time we checked there’s no rule stating 60 degrees and below require full coverage. Besides, there’ll be a sun break in an hour and we’ll get warm then…so will our soaked feet, which will dry much more quickly outside of suffocating socks.
10. You shred pow, not waves.
Duuude, that was some fresh pow today! Of course, you know your buddy is referring to the newly-fallen powdery snow on the mountain that resulted in an epic day of snowboarding. Bring on winter so we can hit Mt. Hood Shredows (Meadows) or wreck some flakes on snowmobiles at Bachelor. We might sound like a snowman’s surfer, but this is some serious business. Once the regular season ends, just to milk each snow day for all its worth, you’re first in line to get your spring pass. Living so close to the mountain means cabin stays don’t have to be a vacation, but when they are they’re the best. After a hard day on the slopes, there’s nothing better than sipping hot chocolate and hot toddies in the hot tub.
Plus, you still have time to spend the last weekend of Spring Break at the coast. Truly hot days are rare on the Northern Pacific Beaches, but you’ll get salty in anything but a wet suit. As the sun sets the layers pile up; rolled-up faded jeans and a bright green University of Oregon sweatshirt never felt so good atop that gritty swimsuit scratching at your chest as you soak in the embers of a burning campfire, laughing about being buried in the sand and searching for sand dollars at the muddy base of Haystack Rock until the Coast Guard tells you to pack it up.
11. You’re obsessed with talking about the weather.
Considering this is the third point about the weather, it must be true. We love the rain, we hate the rain. It’s always too wet, too dry, too hot, too cold, too muggy or too breezy, and the weatherman is always wrong. Don’t even get us started on the snow.
12. You don’t know how to pump your own gas.
Okay, maybe you do know how after driving over the California border on your annual summer road trip to San Francisco for the umpteenth time only to be treated like a fool for waiting in your car for the attendant. At home we’re just spoiled with top-notch service. Drive up, sit there, drive away full of fuel. It’s like magic! I mean come on, you expect me to touch that nasty handle? Aren’t they, like, full of germs and bad for the environment or something? Having a gas attendant manage your fuel is one of the best luxuries after drive-thru coffee. That is, until they make you get out of your car to enter your pin or pay inside. But it’s so warm in here…and I’m so lazy…can I just tell you the number? Here’s cash instead!
Photo: Christopher Michel
20 signs you were definitely raised by Polish parents
Or you’ll never stop the incessant phone-ringing from coming. It’s how she shows she loves you.
2. Your house has firanki.
And they’re not just any drapes/curtains. They have to be those lace-looking curtains that make it obvious from a mile away that there’s a Polish person living in that house. At least they look nice and let the sun in.
3. You find English tongue twisters way too easy.
As if Polish Cities, and Polish last names weren’t already a mouthful, your parents were always asking you to repeat phrases such as “W Szczebrzeszynie Chrząszcz brzmi w trzcinie.”
4. You do not need Angie’s List or the Yellow Pages.
From oil changes, to shortening your trousers, you get it done through extended favors, free of charge from family, whether it’s your grandmother or your distant, three-times removed cousin with whom you still miraculously keep in touch.
5. Your work fits around your family and social life, not the other way around.
Family comes first, no matter what, so you’ll have to put your career and dreams on the slow-cooking back-burner.
6. You do not leave your elderly in assisted living.
They’re not a burden. They’re family, and a Polish family takes care of family no matter if they don’t have a nursing degree. Don’t argue.
7. Your life investment is education.
You may be 100 years old and have 20 different education degrees, but you will still hear your parents nagging you “study, study, study.” Your parents want you to achieve in life and have a secure future, and the only way to that goal for them is through excelling in education.
8. You know that sports and extracurriculars always come in second.
Because mama and papa believe you can’t make a living off of being a writer, photographer, musician, actor, artist or athlete. Good luck convincing them otherwise. They still won’t believe if you show them a million-dollar paycheck.
9. You are taught to save your money from the first day you get an account.
And you are not allowed to spend a cent of it until you move out. Mama and papa will still give you an allowance until that day.
10. You do not move out of the house the minute your first paycheck clears.
You’re only allowed to move out when you have enough money for your own house or if you’re getting married.
11. And your parents move back in with you when your firstborn arrives.
They’re going to help you take care of your kids at no charge, basically raising your kids how they see fit, whether you like it or not.
12. You do not live on credit cards.
You’ve learnt not to cry “I want it!” if you can’t afford it. Instead, you grit your teeth, work hard and save towards your goal.
13. You do not eat TV dinners on plastic plates alone in front of the TV.
You have three home-cooked meals daily, prepared by mama or grandma, served on ceramic plates. You use silverware and sit at a table with table cloth and placemats. Meals are a gathering time for families at the table to talk and laugh.
14. You have five different sets of plates and silverware.
There are the chipped sets that have half missing, which you only use with immediate family. Then there’s the fancy ones that you use for the guests who drop by randomly. Then there’s the extra-fancy and super dusted plates and silverware that only see the light of day at dinner parties and holidays.
15. You have a lot of crystal and silver items.
Bowls, eagle-shaped thingies, platters, and vases. You don’t even know the purpose of half of these items, but they’re in your nice-looking display case, gathering dust.
16. Your back and front yards are a jungle of flowers, vegetables, and fruits.
You’ve got a whole farm and greenhouse mushed together. There’s so much stuff that you spend half the day watering it. You’ve actually thought of opening up your own nursery.
17. You mind your manners.
You wouldn’t dare call your elder by “you” or their first name; you always use their honorific title — “Pan” (Mr.), “Pani” (Ms/Mrs.), “Ksiądz” (father/ Reverend), etc — with their first name. Or, if they’re your family, you use the proper pronoun. If you have a guest, you serve them everything because there’s no such thing as “get it yourself from the fridge.”
18. You downplay compliments.
A: “I love your earrings/shirt/scarf/coat/pants!”
B:“Oh, really? They’re as old as you./ I bought them at a sale 20 years ago.”
A: “Oh, wow! Your car is so clean, it looks brand new! How about you come and clean mine?
B: “PFTTT! Auntie, please put your glasses on. This car is definitely not clean.”
19. Christmas requires a Opłatek (Christmas wafer).
Opłatek is a thin, decorative white wafer used at Wigilia (Christmas Eve dinner). Family members pick up a piece and go around to each other, wishing each other well, and breaking off a piece of each other’s wafer.
20. You have to get your basket blessed for Easter.
The day before Easter, you, your family, and your Polish friends show up at church with a basket filled with bread, meat, eggs, horseradish, pepper, and salt — or some variations thereof — and the priest blesses it with holy water. You only eat the food from this basket for breakfast after Mass on Easter Sunday.
Photo: hedvigs
25 questions only a Portlander can answer
(Photo: Alice Carrier)
1. “Which is better: Voodoo or Blue Star?”
2. “It’s pronounced ‘couch,’ right?”
3. “So wait, is there really a Chinatown, or is it just the big gate and some fancy street lights?”
4. “Aren’t Dante’s, Lucky Devil, and Casa Diablo all the same place?”
5. “Hood, St. Helens, Adams, or Rainier?”
6. “Hopworks, Rogue, Deschutes, or Gigantic?”
7. “What does Nestle have to do with Oregonian water?”
8. “What exactly IS Chinook Jargon?”
9. “I’ve been driving up and down Chavez…where the hell is 39th?”
10. “So, was this ‘Ladd’ guy depraved BEFORE he made his ‘addition’?”
11. “Ducks, or beavers?”
12. “Why would the floor of the Crystal Ballroom have any impact on my concert-going experience?”
13. “What do you mean ‘I’m going to need an inflatable mattress’ for my float on the Clackamas?”
14. “Why are all of these grown-ass people racing down the Zoo hill on children’s bikes?”
15. “What ARE all these big trees?”
16. “Who is Max, and why would he want to help me get around Portland?”
17. “Wait, did you actually take your date to Cartlandia for dinner?”
18. “Why does everyone look like they’ve seen a unicorn, and what even is a ‘sun break’ anyway?”
19. “Powell’s isn’t *that* big, is it?”
20. “What’s so great about pro- soccer, anyway?”
21. “Are ABV’s and IBU’s, like, calories or something?”
22. “So you’re telling me, that behind this giant fence made of brightly-painted doors smack-dab in the middle of downtown is an entire commune of Portland’s homeless?”
23. “Okay but for real, does it actually ever stop raining here?”
24. “Why is everyone at the PDX airport taking pictures of their feet?”
25. “Portlandia’s just a parody, right? I’m not actually going to see anything as weird as a flaming-bagpipe-playing unicycle-riding Darth Vader, am I?”
16 US habits I lost when I moved to Bulgaria
Photo: meaduva
1. Ordering in
If you try to order food in Bulgaria and still live with your parents, you are in for an hour long tirade by mom and dad on how you don’t deserve anything they’ve given you. Why in the world would you order a sandwich when a Bulgarian mom can whip up a quick princesa (grilled open-faced sandwich with ground beef and butter) for you? And God forbid a Bulgarian grandmother heard you’re trying to eat food other than hers.
2. Shopping online
When it comes to technology, Bulgaria lags by a lot. In the US purchasing items on the Internet is extremely easy due to our well-developed online payment system, and delivery is highly reliable. If you try to buy a pair of shoes from a website in Bulgaria, you take the risk of not getting what you ordered, having to pay more than the site indicated, or simply never receiving those damn Nike sneakers you wanted so bad when you saw them 50% off.
3. Dreading the dentist’s office
Unfortunately, it isn’t that Bulgarian dentist offices are all that fun or that Bulgarian dentists have magical skills that numb all pain. In fact, when they do something minor, they may not even numb the area because they tell you you’re tough and expect you to suck it up. Their services, however, for those who have the basic national health insurance from the Zdravna Kasa, are extremely cheap. When I realized that filling a cavity would cost me only $3 USD, I booked an entire month worth of appointments at my dentist’s office.
4. Following politics
I found that most younger people in Bulgaria are utterly disillusioned when it comes to the country’s political scene. It feels like every time I watch BTV or Nova, there is a new corruption scandal, mostly embezzlement of European Union funds or buying votes; however, no politician ever ends up in jail. Everyone is deeply criticised, all the way from big figures like the Prime Minister Boiko Borisov, down to small town mayors such as Georgi Georgiev of Botevgrad. And I thought US politics was full of drama…
5. Exercising
Most Bulgarian women I hang out with hate to sweat. Let’s be honest (ladies), physical exercise is hard work and messes up your hair and makeup. While it’s not abnormal for many Bulgarian men to spend multiple hours daily pumping iron and doing dead squats at the gym, the only time most Bulgarian girls would visit such establishment is too look cute in Adidas sweats while checking out the eye candy.
6. Eating pizza
While exercise doesn’t seem to be a top priority for many Bulgarian women I know, maintaining the svelte figure Easter European women are renown for is crucial. This is why many Bulgarian moms advise their daughters to stay away from carbs in all their forms: bread, banitsa, macaroni, and any popular American fast food restaurant she might run into while shopping at the mall (talking about you, Pizza Hut!). Looking good certainly comes at a price and you will receive brutally honest critique by your baba (grandmother) if you’ve put on a few pounds.
7. Keeping my concerns to myself
A favorite Bulgarian pastime seems to be complaining. Not only is it socially acceptable, but it is highly encouraged. “Ugh, I’m having a bad hair day and broke a nail!” “Me too, also my ex-boyfriend is dating that selyanka (a girl from the countryside) who I hate!”
8. Eating food at cafes
Cafes in Bulgaria are like watering holes for anyone between the age of 12 and 55. People sit down sipping espressos for hours and chat about anything and everything. Ordering food at these places, though, is very rare. Forget the snack runs at Chipotle or lunch dates at Sushi Samba. While in America food is always present, in Bulgaria people tend to eat most of their meals at home and opt solely for drinks (and cigarettes, as you can smoke at outdoor cafes) when hanging out.
9. Paying for entertainment
Buying music and movies is for suckers. Why spend your precious leva, when you can go on Zamunda or Vbox7 and download everything you want? Even the government supports this ideology, since they never shut down any of these websites.
10. Wearing comfortable clothes
Forget the hoodie with your college logo on it or your fluffy, pink Victoria’s Secret sweats. In Bulgaria both boys and girls dress trendy and in tight-fitting clothing. Guys often wear skinny jeans and black Armani T-shirts, while girls go for equally tight pants and skirts with some sort of a designer tank top, be it Mango, Trussardi or Motivi. Looking good always trumps feeling comfortable here.
11. Generalizing the region of Eastern Europe
“You guys use the Cyrillic alphabet, so you’re basically Russian, right?” Oh, so wrong! Before moving to Bulgaria, that whole corner of Europe merged into one big feta cheese-eating, hieroglyph-writing, blonde hair-boasting blob. Serbia, Macedonia, Russia, Bulgaria – it all seemed like the same culture. After spending time living in Bulgaria, though, I realized how rich the country’s history really is — starting with Khan Kubrat in 681, going through an era of slavery in the Byzantine and then Ottoman Empires, taking over most of today’s Greece, inventing the Cyrillic alphabet and so much more. Bulgarians are quite proud of their history, so please, give them some due diligence.
12. Taking technology for granted
One of my favorite things in the US was always being connected and having services be one click away. Outlets on buses or public spaces are non-existent in Bulgaria and with iPhones and tablets costing almost twice as much as they do in the US, owning electronics is a luxury. Automatic doors, central air conditioning and new cars were hard to spot up until about 5 years ago.
13. My personal-space bubble
While in the US having at least enough space to spread your arms on both sides is the unspoken rule, but in Bulgaria all boundaries are broken. People greet you buy giving you a kiss on the cheek, and lean in very closely when speaking to you. Bulgarians are very physical people, who give hugs and high fives left and right. While I really enjoy the sincerity and closeness, I quickly found my personal space limits when a friend asked me if she could chew my piece of Orbit gum when I was done with it.
14. Keeping my life private
Bulgarians can be very blunt about personal matters. At first, I tried to politely ignore questions about my age, marital status and income. I quickly realized though, that the more you ignore them, the more you trigger the circulation of gossip about you, and the more people would think you have something to hide. Just go ahead and tell them when they ask. If anything, they’ll sympathize and reveal something about themselves, too.
15. Fist pumping at clubs
Americans don’t exactly have the worldwide reputation of being sleek dancers. Many imagine us fist pumping and dry humping each other at clubs, and many of us don’t have much more than that. Go to any of the clubs in Studentski Grad in Sofia or Cacao Beach, and your American ways would be put to shame. Dancing seems to come naturally to Bulgarian women, belly dancing and doing figure eights with their hips to the rhythm of chalga or even house music all night. Men aren’t too bad either, leading their ladies by the hand and dipping them low when the song is over.
16. Relying on bureaucracy to get things done
Bulgaria is notorious for its dysfunctional bureaucratic system. The truth is that most government officials, secretaries and bank staff hate their dead-end, low-paying jobs and don’t care enough to learn what exactly their duties are and how to execute them. Going into MTel to pay my phone bill is always a drag, since none of the employees can explain to me why my bill fluctuates every month and what I could do to change my plan. The worst experience I ever had was when the Bulgarian Embassy in Sofia sent out my passport via DHL and it got lost along the way. Their explanation was “the delivery truck seems to have a hole in it, which we just found out. Sorry.” 
Beirut’s Christians are leaving behind beautiful pop-up shrines
All photos by the author.
BEIRUT, Lebanon — The Virgin Mary watches over the Geitaoui neighborhood of East Beirut. She watches from street corners and the foyers of apartment buildings, peers down from above doorways and up from windows below street level.
In this largely Christian part of the city, residents often set up small shrines to the Madonna and an assortment of saints — a common one is St. Marius, an early Roman martyr — who are seen to protect the neighborhood and those who live there.
Lebanon is home to people of many faiths. There are at lease eight sects of Christianity alone. The largest is the Maronites, a Lebanese denomination tied to the Roman Catholic Church, followed by the Eastern Orthodox and the Armenian Apostolic Church. Other groups include the Melkite Church, the Latin Rite Roman Catholic Church, the Coptic Church, the Assyrian Church and the Syriac Orthodox Church.
Mainly Maronites and Catholics set up the shrines, but people of all denominations make the sign of the cross as they walk by. Followers often pray in front of them, and each evening, neighbors light candles at them. In the mountains you see them often: When drivers die on the winding roads, people will set up a shrine to honor them.
Achrafiyeh, the East Beirut district that includes Geitaoui, is historically Christian. Situated on a hill (like much of the city), the houses and buildings here are close together, clustered around steep staircases.
“Some people put them there out of faith,” says Abu Rafi, 68, a retired government worker who has spent most of his life here. “Some people put them to show the world, ‘I am pious.’”
Sometimes there are photographs, usually of young people, nestled in beside the Madonna.
“If a young person dies in an accident or something, their families put their picture there” explains Maren, 47, who works as a cleaner in the Pepsi company’s offices. “They do it so people remember them and say isn’t it terrible, he was so young.”
As usual in Lebanon: Sometimes there is a political dimension to the shrines, too. Some are decorated with stickers bearing the face of former president Bachir Gemayel. Gemayel was a leader of one of the Christian factions during the Lebanese Civil War and was elected president in 1982, though he was assassinated before he could take office.
Lebanon remains a hospitable environment for Christians, compared to other countries in the region. Still, minorities like the Armenian community that once dominated this area are leaving at a steady pace.
They like it here, but many of Abu Rafi’s friends and family are leaving.
“People are honorable here, they welcomed us,” he says. His family is Armenian and came from Turkey about a century ago. “But there’s no work in Lebanon, many have gone to the West.”
“There are lots of foreigners now,” he adds. But the shrines are still here, too.
By Laura Dean, GlobalPost
This article is syndicated from GlobalPost.
September 4, 2015
Chicago Bucket List
A photo posted by Chicago (@choosechicago) on Aug 18, 2015 at 3:48pm PDT
2. Go to a Bears, Bulls, White Sox, Cubs, Blackhawks, and Fire game!
I ❤️ @whitesox! #choosewhitesox #mychicagopix #chisoxgameday
A photo posted by Nycole Hampton (@msnycole) on Aug 16, 2015 at 10:25am PDT
3. Visit all 3 museums on the Museum Campus in one day.
Shedd Aquarium, Adler Planetarium and The Field Museum.
A photo posted by aporzel (@aporzel) on Aug 21, 2015 at 5:52am PDT
4. Head to Lincoln Park Zoo in the winter.
#santa #lincolnparkzoolights #chicago
A photo posted by @hoder417 on Dec 20, 2014 at 6:34pm PST
5. Take a #BeanSelfie.
The #Bean #GeneBean #beanselfie #CloudGate #Chicago #somanyselfies #selfieeveryday #yearoftheselfie
A photo posted by Gene Kieca (@genie_baby) on Jul 9, 2015 at 11:02am PDT
6. Take a water taxi down to Chinatown.
A photo posted by Chicago Water Taxi (@chicagowatertaxi) on Mar 25, 2015 at 12:51pm PDT
7. Head west to Garfield Park Conservatory.
Nothing better than lucking out and having an amazing space to yourself. #Mychicagopix
A photo posted by Nycole Hampton (@msnycole) on Jul 6, 2015 at 8:48am PDT
8. Get spit on by Crown Fountain.
#crownfountain #espectacular #jaumeplensa #orgull #refrescant #ilovechicago #artiseverywhere
A photo posted by anna de lera (@adlt) on Aug 16, 2015 at 7:10am PDT
9. Eat your way through the Taste of Chicago.
A photo posted by Dot and Pin (@dotandpin) on Aug 2, 2015 at 6:20pm PDT
10. Eat deep dish…duh!
A photo posted by @sssssserena_di on Aug 20, 2015 at 12:09pm PDT
11. See the U505 at the Museum of Science and Industry.
#museumofscienceandIndustry #u505
A photo posted by Caleb Klinzing (@calklinzing) on Jul 28, 2015 at 6:48pm PDT
12. Stop and smell the flowers at Lurie Garden.
#luriegardens #chicago #millenniumpark #inthegoldenafternoon
A photo posted by Hannah Ferris (@ferris_hannah) on May 23, 2015 at 7:52am PDT
13. Eat and dance your way through Windy City Smokeout.
Hello BBQ. #Mychicagopix #wcsmokeout
A photo posted by Nycole Hampton (@msnycole) on Jul 11, 2015 at 7:23pm PDT
14. Try a rainbow cone at Original Rainbow Cone.
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