Mark McIntosh's Blog, page 22

Pep Talk: "Persistently Show Up"

A real blessing this time of year in 2013 is hanging with those dealing with addiction. I love encouraging them to achieve goals and overcome challenges when it comes to prevailing against what ails. It’s a tough fight against a tough foe
It makes me think of the guys at Denver Rescue Mission. Each Thursday morning we gather and the men, most with alcohol and drug dependencies, are encouraged. “Hey, if we’re gonna be addicted to anything, how about being addicted to faith?”
Some laugh, some squirm, some ignore, and some (you can see it in their eyes) sparkle a bit.
A spark. That’s what I saw, and heard, on Thanksgiving morning while listening to men and women who were on the good side of becoming students and not victims of their experiences with addiction.
“Do it right the first time,” declared a handsome man. He looked to be in his mid to late 30s. The humble man was reflecting upon an initial attempt, then setback, then second attempt and now success in breaking free from addiction to drugs and alcohol.
I sat there in the crowd of supporters and wanted to shout “Amen, buddy” to his “Do it right the first time” comment. Instead, I just moaned with empathy. Those six words burrowed deep.
Here was a guy who had admitted a weakness, sought treatment, stumbled, rose to battle again and now, gratefully, proclaimed the shackles had been removed. He was encouraging others in the crowd, in the midst of their own addiction challenges, to learn from his experience and “Get it right the first time.”
It’s a good reminder to all of us. What’s the old saying? “If something’s worth doing, it’s worth doing well.” I know something similar to that was always drilled into my noggin while growing up in Raytown, Missouri. Yep. Wherever this freckled-faced, buck-toothed knucklehead roamed in youth, folks were always saying something of similar refrain. 
As an aging jock with a creaky right knee - tweaked it walking the golf course on a beautiful late November day in the Centennial State - I’m grateful, today, for having that good-character marinade to soak in long ago. If it’s worth doing, do it well. Simple, but not easy, right? Whether it’s an addict in recovery, a member of a team, an employee of a company or a partner in a relationship, getting it right the first time is, or should be, the goal.
But life rarely goes as planned, right? Get it right the first time, Mac? How can you write about that when you’re twice divorced?
Perhaps the answer to that lies in what a later speaker told the gathered throng about his thankfulness for a program that he believes saved his life. This guy looked like he just walked away from a photo shoot for GQ Magazine. Handsome, well-dressed dude. He told the crowd, “I’m grateful for the chance to just show up!”
I leaned in closer, drawn by the man’s passion. “I’m grateful that I’m finally showing up for my family. I’m grateful that I’m finally showing up in my profession. I’m grateful that I’m finally showing up for my higher power.” 
Enthusiastic applause erupted throughout the venue as the man returned to his seat. As another rose to share his story, a thought, call it a reminder, crashed into my cranium: Try like heck to get it right the first time. That’s the goal. However, what’s the other old saying? “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again!”
Amen to that. We gotta keep showing up! Most likely, life’s gonna knock us around a bit. It’s gonna be a roller coaster ride. Frequently, unless we’re really lucky, we’re gonna have to turn life’s lemons - heck with lemonade - into sweet and savory margaritas. The challenges will come from a variety of sources, quite often from the least expected and most unwanted - relationships, jobs and illnesses, to name a few.
What to do? Try like heck to get it right the first time, but have a backup plan.
It’s really easy to write about, far more arduous to achieve. All kinds of calamities - self-inflicted included - wreck our plans concerning getting it right the first time. We know that.
After the initial setback, self-doubt and fear might begin to creep into the psyche and discourage us. We’ll consider surrendering. This week, don’t allow those thoughts any room to roam - at home, work or elsewhere.
To prevail against what ails, persistently show up. If not the first time, we just gotta have faith that eventually we’ll reap the harvest if we just don’t give up.

Pep Talk: "The Value of Responsibility"

We were sliding toward one another. We locked eyes. I sensed it was going to be a smashing connection. It was.
At least along the Front Range, the Centennial State’s first legitimate winter storm had turned Mile High City streets into hockey rinks that would make the Pepsi Center surface blush. Driving a Zamboni would have been a better option. Fender benders were occurring everywhere, including Denver’s Cheesman Park.
I was minding my own business while cruising to a meeting with an incredible woman, Gabriella “Gabi” Duran-Dean. The wonderful spirit is the mentor coordinator at Denver Rescue Mission. Traffic was snarled everywhere. I tried to outsmart everybody. Dumb. While navigating alternative routes to avoid the traffic jams an ice and snow mix had created, your resident knucklehead bonked somebody else’s car.
Yep. I was putzin’ along northbound through the park that used to be a graveyard. At a low speed, I crested the hill, picked up momentum, hit ice and slid across the road. My front left side banged into the curb and bounced my car forward directly into the path of an oncoming vehicle that was also creeping along the slippery path. Real-life bumper cars.
It was like, “Okay, here we go, hope the damage isn’t too bad.” We had locked eyes for maybe two seconds with a sense of, “Might as well enjoy the ride.”
I have always been a big believer in something that I hope never leaves me. Challenge me if it ever does. It was one of my pet peeves when bantering with folks via sports talk radio. When discussing athletes and coaches who deny wrongdoing despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary, I always have felt that if we mess up, might as well fess up. That’s true in all walks of life.
In my opinion, it just makes life simpler.
After our cars aggressively smooched, I apologized profusely to a friendly-looking man. He was cool about it. We exchanged information and continued our respective journeys on a nasty day.
What happened next was, at least for me, pretty awesome. “I was looking at you,” said the Long Island, New York native in a later phone conversation, “And was hoping it would be a peaceful outcome.”
The 49-year-old moved to the Mile High City three years ago. “I really like it out here.” But we had a problem. In addition to some minor front-end damage, the carpenter’s radiator was punctured. He needs the car for work. My insurance company had already been alerted and was working to take care of his needs. Two guys who accidentally connected were wrapping up a phone call designed to start the process of making things right. 
I joked with him. “You know, I love to meet people and can be somewhat aggressive in trying to make connections, but this was a little over the top.” The well-traveled man laughed and countered, “Hey, it’s nice to see you’re taking responsibility.”
I went on to share how much I love to encourage others to achieve goals and overcome challenges. Part of that entails reminding folks that, sometimes despite our best intentions, we goof. And that (hello Mr. Toronto mayor, Miami Dolphin football player or anybody including myself), when we mess up, fess up.
“Would you be a witness that I do try and walk my talk?” the writer of this Pep Talk pleaded in a good-natured manner. “You bet,” was the quick response of a newfound friend. Before hanging up the phone, there were a few more laughs about shared experiences and a suggestion, “Let’s have a beer sometime.”
I know not all things in life are so cut and dried. I screwed up. There are sometimes in life where the gray area dominates: When a relationship goes south, a business partnership falls apart, or life-long friends shun one another. Calamity strikes a once tranquil venue. It happens. CSI squads needed to decipher the true cause. This was not one of those instances.
Is it just me, or does there seem to be a whole lot of bickering going on these days? Our nation’s capitol, and the policy makers who dwell there, are perhaps the best current example. But there are plenty of candidates, from many walks of life, wherever we roam - home, work and elsewhere.
It might serve us well this week to remember, when we mess up, what the heck, let’s fess up. If my encounter on the slippery streets of one of Denver’s most sacred grounds is any indication, the strategy seems to have its benefits.
I have a new friend. Even better, this simple dude from Missouri’s been reminded that building relationships through taking responsibility is far more productive than pointing fingers and avoiding it. The value of responsibility. I dunno, priceless?
Try it this week!

Pep Talk: "Ties Between Us"

“There are ties between us” croons Rock and Roll Hall of Famer James Taylor. I’m listening on my office Ipad. He might have initially forgotten which words to sing at the World Series between the Red Sox and Cardinals, but the legendary singer/songwriter hit every note with the 1991 hit, “Shed A Little Light.”
The 65-year-old grew up in a rural area of Chapel Hill, North Carolina. His father, a doctor, taught at the University of North Carolina medical school. Taylor released the song on the New Moon Shine album and goes on to sing:
“All men and women, living on the Earth. Ties of hope and love, sister and brotherhood. That we are bound together, in our desire to see the world become a place where our children can grow free and strong. We are bound together by the task that stands before us and the road that lies ahead.”
Amen, brother. Sometimes that task is arduous. The road ahead is fraught with peril. What will we do? Will we put fear and self doubt aside and allow courage and wonderment to win? It’s the zillion-dollar question we have to ask ourselves on an almost daily basis.
But never forgot Taylor’s wise words that “There are ties between us.” Let’s not try to take on any big challenge alone. We have to rally around each other and encourage one another to prevail against what ails us. I love that word “encourage,” defined as “To give hope and confidence to.” In my opinion, it’s a powerful force that more than once has played a huge role in successful endeavors, whether for individuals, teams, businesses, schools, and churches or in many other noble efforts I’ve forgotten. Let’s use the ties between us to focus on encouraging one another to have the guts to, as Dr. Jerry Gibson likes to suggest, “Be like a turtle and stick our necks out.”
I think of a buddy from Friday morning men’s fellowship. He and his courageous wife are certainly sticking their necks out. They have embraced into their already busy family of five, two sisters who lost their parents in a murder/suicide. “It’s going pretty well,” the amazing man offered to about a dozen or so fellow dudes gathered at a recent Platoon meeting. “I haven’t managed to mess things up yet.” 
Two daughters and one son suddenly became four daughters - all teenagers - and a younger son. Taylor’s “There are ties between us...” resonates deeply. A good tie is to encourage a loving couple to continue their great job of integrating and enriching their family.
“There are ties between us....” then takes my mind to 27-year-old Ryan Horan. He aspires to work as a sportscaster someday. We met recently at a Muscular Dystrophy Association of Denver event I was blessed to host. He would make a great sports talk show host. The devout Broncos’ fan can debate the hot sports topics with the best in the Mile High City’s crowded but diverse sports talk radio world. His courage in fighting a disease that robs his muscles of movement is inspiring. A good tie is to keep encouraging Ryan to “go for it!”
“We are bound together in our desire to see the world became a place where our children can grow free and strong...” burrows deep into my psyche while continuing to write this Pep Talk. There is no shortage of needs in a quest to see the world become a place where our children can grow free and strong, where our communities can grow prosperous and diverse, where our differences can be discussed and resolved.
There are ties between us. We are bound together. There are tasks before us. There is a road that lies ahead – at home, work and elsewhere.
That’s the simple stuff. How will we deal with the ties between us? Will we realize, like it or not, we’re bound together? Will we address the big elephant sitting squarely in the middle of the room about the tasks, desired or not, before us on the roller coaster road we call life?
Each Thursday morning’s chapel service at Denver Rescue Mission ends with a bunch of knuckleheads gathered with arms around one another. Guys just off the streets, trying like heck to find meaning and purpose to life. I’m trying like heck to encourage them to grow in spirit and realize their potential. We end our 30 minutes bound together, proclaiming in hearty unison, “Warriors!”
I love James Taylor. Always have. On a lazy Saturday, listening to his soulful sound reminded me about the ties between us. Let’s make ‘em good ones!

Pep Talk: "Become Superior Today"

The text sent on a November college football Saturday morning was clear, concise and compelling: “Become superior today!”
It was sent to a beloved client. A college football coach who has enjoyed great success but never rests on laurels. This past off-season, after coming close once again to claiming the ultimate prize, his team had fallen short of its goals and expectations.
The team played deep into the 2012 playoffs but its leader was looking for a way to motivate his troops to keep pushing. During a Pep Talk at spring practice, I had shared with the players, coaches, staff and visitors a story. The message within the story has become a motto for the current season, which has yet to have a blemish.
It might be a good motto for you right now. Maybe somebody you know and love who is struggling a bit? Perhaps there’s challenges at home, work or elsewhere? Well, take a cue from one of our nation’s great civil rights’ visionaries and constantly strive to become superior to your former self.
Here’s the story that birthed a football team’s motto that is splattered on walls and garments the players and coaches walk by and wear daily.
First, some background. I discovered it quite by accident. Whitney Young’s quote, which has been attributed to others as well, was at the bottom of a monthly invoice from Kinetics Fitness Studio. That’s where I sweat daily. It’s not the fanciest gym in the world. We give the owner, Gene Cisneros, grief about the monthly charge. A story for another day.
Anyway, several years ago, at the bottom of the gym statement was an inspirational quote. The 20 words had become the life mission statement of a man President Lyndon Johnson honored with a Medal of Freedom in 1969. Here it is: “There’s nothing noble in being superior to somebody else, true nobility lies in becoming superior to our former selves.” 
Reading that warmed my marrow then, and still does today.
Young was born in the 1920s in Kentucky. His childhood was rather uneventful. Then World War II appeared. The young man headed off to the conflict and into the history books. He was assigned to an all black regiment of soldiers responsible for repairing bomb-damage roads in Europe. The great war had ended and the rebuilding had begun. People and commerce needed to be moved to restart Europe’s economy. 
A white, Southern, officer crew supervised the all-black regiment of soldiers. Remember folks, this was the 1940s. Whites and Blacks didn’t mix much back then. But Whitney Young stood out. After just three weeks he was promoted from private to sergeant. The promotion caused consternation in each camp. It also planted a seed in the soul of Young to dedicate his life to improving race relations in our country.
Upon leaving military service, Young went to work for the National Urban League in Omaha, then taught university classes on race relations in Atlanta, then toiled for the NAACP before becoming national director of the NUL at the age of 40.
The organization had great success under Young’s leadership. It was during this time he earned the Medal of Freedom, our nation’s highest honor for civilians. Sadly, while attending a conference in Africa the former college basketball player died of a heart attack while swimming with friends. Young was just a few months shy of his 50th birthday.
“There’s nothing noble in being superior to somebody else, true nobility lies in becoming superior to our former selves.” It inspired Whitney Young to great accomplishment in a life cut far too short by tragedy.
It can power our lives, too. It has become the rallying cry for a college football team still yearning to improve. It can become our rallying cry in trying to prevail against what ails us wherever we roam.
Paying my gym bill led to Whitney Young. The privilege to deliver Pep Talks encouraging others to achieve goals and overcome challenges led to a football coach seizing “Superior To Our Former Selves” as the team’s motto for the 2013 season.
Where is there room for improvement? Home? Work? Elsewhere? The opponent is not a football team or bigoted person. The opponent is us. Yep. Our tricky brains that often whisper, “I can’t.”
This week, let’s dismiss the noggin’ naysayers and become superior today!

Pep Talk: "For Sanity's Sake"

It’s profoundly humbling and liberating, simultaneously, to realize a sobering truth: We are powerless to change others.
That powerful reality bathed my entire soul recently while attending a meeting where men and women gather to encourage one another to understand that loved ones’ addictions are just that: A loved one’s addiction.
The addiction might be drugs, alcohol, work, sex, money, or a plethora of other things. I’m addicted to sweat. Each morning at the best gym in America, Kinetic Fitness Studio, I try to induce one through a variety of means.  “A sweat a day keeps the doctor away” is one of my favorite mantras.
Back to the story. While about a dozen folks shared their thoughts about understanding, accepting and adapting to another’s addiction, another stark reality emerged. Our brains can be tricky. For sanity’s sake, we have to win that battle.
There are many of us who have a strong desire to help others. That can be a very good, or very bad, habit. Often there’s a fine line between enabling and encouraging. Sticking our nose in somebody’s business might be an equally accurate description. Walking that tight rope is certainly adventurous and fraught with peril.
Another group member was being quite vulnerable in sharing thoughts about the frustrations that often surface when dealing with how WE react to challenging situations in life.
Those situations might revolve around adversity at home, work or elsewhere. While the venues change, the onus returns to us and how we react. It’s something discussed during each and every live Pep Talk I’m blessed to present. It’s a simple but not easy question to ponder: Are we going to be victims of the circumstances of life, or students of the experiences? Whether at the Denver Rescue Mission, a corporate headquarters, a stinky locker room, non-profit board room or somewhere else, audiences are always encouraged to choose the latter option.
Another way of looking at this predicament bored into my brain while listening to the group discussion: When the unexpected and unwanted stuff of life comes knocking at our door, do we emotionally and psychologically shift into a blame or solutions mode?
The vulnerable and courageous attendee was admitting that it’s usually the former for him. What about us? When things are not going the way WE desire, wherever we roam,  do we begin to beat ourselves up for not being capable of fixing the problem? Or do we shift into a more healthy and productive philosophy that focuses on solutions to prevail against what ails?
In the case of a loved one with an addiction, the solution would be to realize we can offer love and encouragement for sobriety, but that ultimately, we are powerless to change the outcome.
These thoughts take me to the men of Denver Rescue Mission. Each Thursday morning we gather and talk about achieving goals and overcoming challenges. We acknowledge we’re just a bunch of jacked up dudes trying to become superior to our former selves. Addiction is rampant in this group. I offer, “If we’re gonna be addicted to anything, how about being addicted to faith?” Some laugh, some ponder and some nod their heads in agreement.
It makes me also think of the personal journey of two divorces and a strong desire to “fix” the situation. Of course it didn’t work. It was tough to avoid falling into the self pity trap and the emotional battering we inflict upon ourselves when self esteem plummets. It becomes a personal independence day when we realize we are powerless to change another’s thoughts and actions.
As the man continued his heartfelt admission to berating himself for the actions of another, a startling realization overwhelmed me: These meetings are really about the attendees and our emotional issues concerning a loved one’s personal battle with addiction.
At the end of the hour-long meeting the group stood, held hands and recited the following: “Lord give me the strength to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.”
Amen to that.
This week let’s win the battle with our tricky brains. Focus on encouraging, not changing. For sanity’s sake.

Pep Talk: "Relish Failing"

“Every night when we’d sit down at the dinner table Dad would ask, ‘Where did you fail this week?’” offered the successful entrepreneur. “It inspired us to always try new things because we didn’t fear failure.”
Wow. I wanna meet Sara Blakely’s father, a trial lawyer by profession. I like the way that dude thinks. He taught his kids that it’s far more important to focus on trying than failing. We don’t know until we try, right? Who knows, we just might succeed!
All this was flying through my aging cranium while grinding away at Kinetics Fitness Studio a while back. The founder of Spanx and the youngest self-made female billionaire EVER was knocking it out of the park during a cable network business show. The Florida State grad was sharing the stage with Warren Buffett. They were talking about many things including the Giving Pledge program. Buffett and Bill Gates founded the advocacy agency in 2010 to encourage the world’s billionaires to donate half their fortunes to charitable causes. Good for them.
Anyway, while I was sweating away, the woman who wanted to be a lawyer but couldn’t nail the LSAT exam was telling the story of her great success. It’s grounded in the courage to try. To be focused on putting fear aside and allowing wonderment to win. It’s what her father challenged her to do daily around the family dinner table in Clearwater, Florida.
After earning a communications degree and realizing a law career was not in the cards, Blakely went to work at Disney World. The dynamo dreamed of portraying Goofy. “They said I was too short. I ended up being Minnie Mouse.”
The Delta Delta Delta sorority sister - had to include this fact considering your scribe, while at Mizzou, had the fun-loving Tri Delts living next door – was also flirting with standup comedy. Guts to try with no fear of failure. Admirable.
Then, the real world. “I was selling fax machines door-to-door when the idea hit me,” the married mother of a little boy shared. “I had $5,000 dollars to my name and invested it all in the business.”
I couldn’t sell one fax machine, but Blakely sure could. She was the company’s national sales manager by the age of 25. Persuasive would be a good word to describe the 2012 member of TIME Magazine’s most influential people in the world. But she had a problem: Florida’s humidity and panty hose were not a good match. I’m getting way over my skis here, but according to Wikipedia, Blakely hated wearing seamed-foot panty hose with open-toed shoes. Amen to that. But the energetic soul loved that the control-top eliminated panty lines and held the body firmer.
A few attempts at cutting off the bottom of panty hose proved frustrating. The remaining hose kept running up her legs. There had to be a better way. Again, we’re talking about a woman who does not fear failure.
Eventually coming up with a solution, Blakely wrote her own patent from a textbook and incorporated the company under the name Spanx. The rest is history. The Atlanta-based company now also sells undergarments for men. Who knew?
My workout and the interview ended simultaneously. I stepped from the elliptical machine with a sense of gratitude for the other person in the gym’s cardio area. The man peddling furiously on a stationary bike nearby had been watching the channel when I walked in. Had the room been empty, I probably would have turned the television to ESPN and missed the interview. Timing is everything, right?
A short while later, while departing the gym and wandering into the crisp early-morning Centennial State air, I kept drifting back to Blakely’s father. This man encouraged his kids to throw caution to the wind and go for it. If you fail, who cares? It’s far more important to focus on trying than worry about failure.
What about us? Are we encouraging those we influence - home, work, school or elsewhere - to fear failure, or embrace trying? Are we talking ourselves into dwelling in that yucky former spot or the invigorating latter?
If these are challenging times it might help to remember that question always offered at the Blakely family dinner table. Let’s relish failing, knowing that at least we tried.
It sure worked for a Sara. It might work for us, too.

Pep Talk: "Run To Daylight"

We dived into our first math tutoring session: “DeMaryius Thomas minus Peyton Manning?” The young man knew immediately that meant 88-18. “What about Knowshon  Moreno times Champ Bailey?” The fourth grader instantly wrote down 27 times 24. With a little help the Greenlee Elementary student figured out that problem, too.
Everybody seems to be a Denver Broncos’ fan these days. None more than a nine-year-old who is part of the Whiz Kids’ after-school mentoring program. Why not test his expertise with the players’ numbers and weave it into some equations to improve math skills like addition, multiplication and subtraction?
Denver’s west side reminds me a lot of south Texas almost 30 years ago. My first sports television job was in Harlingen, Texas. Located in the Rio Grande Valley about 40 miles northwest of Brownsville and the tip of the Lone Star State, it’s right along the Mexican/American border. At the time, the population was 95% Hispanic, half of which didn’t even speak English. It seemed more like northern Mexico than it did the southern United States.
Large families often headed by single mothers. Rampant poverty. Educational opportunities scarce. It’s what permeates the Mile High City’s near west side today. My mind often wanders back to a family of eight that was the focus of a “Christmas For The Needy” piece I did for KGBT-TV. A mom, dad and six kids living in a cardboard shack. No plumbing or electricity. The family drew water from a nearby well. Two king-sized beds dominated the structure. No one spoke English. My heart broke for the kids.
We know education is the best chance children have to escape poverty. Whiz Kids provides math and reading tutoring in a faith-based setting. A handsome young man with big chocolate chip eyes looked at me, ready to shift away. “Can we read a book?”
We tore into his selection about insects and science. We quickly grew bored with the text. I offered, “You want to read one of my books?” His eyes grew wide, “You write books?” I pulled Kids Teach The Darndest Things: Life Lessons From Our Little Ones from my satchel. “Yep.” He randomly picked Finish The Task.
Ironically, it was centered around the Denver Broncos and my daughter. It chronicled, many years ago, her involvement with the Junior Denver Broncos’ Cheerleaders. The group had performed with the adult cheerleaders before a home game against the Kansas City Chiefs. We had sat in the stands afterward to watch some of the action.
Early in the fourth quarter, with the Broncos comfortably ahead of their divisional rival, I suggested to the precious princess, “Sweetie, let’s get out of here early and beat the traffic.” She looked at me, much like she does today as a budding young woman at 17, and countered, “Are you crazy?”
Apparently I am. “Dad, we can’t leave the game. The cheerleaders are still working.” We stayed to the bitter end. Later, while driving home with an exhausted child fast asleep in the back seat, the lesson hit home: Finish what we start.
My daughter long ago reminded me of this, and now a new buddy, about the same age as she was then, was reading, pretty darn well, the prose describing the moment and the message within it.
“Wow, that was a fun story. Do you have any other books?” I smiled and offered, “Yep.” As he gulped water and munched healthy snacks during a break in the action, Marco wondered, “What are they called?”
“Well, my second book is called Run to Daylight.” Those big brown eyes grew wider once again. “What’s it about?” I tossed his short-cropped, thick black hair and offered, “It’s about encouraging you to believe in yourself and chase dreams. Go for it. Ya know, run to daylight.” A slightly puzzled look crept across his face. It appeared he was preparing to respond when the silence was broken. “Time for club!”
Marco leaped from the chair and sprinted toward group activities that consume the final 30 minutes of our weekly 90 minutes together. While watching the energetic young guy disappear around the corner, the thought hit me: In pursuit of play, he was running to daylight. 
May a similar spirit pervade each area of his world. Yours too. This week embrace Shakespeare’s wise words stated long ago: “All glory comes from daring to begin.”
Get going. Run to daylight!

Pep Talk: "Guts To Follow Through"

“Sweetie,” joked my darling fiancee, “Sorry to say, but you turn into a pumpkin again real soon.”
It was her parting shot as she slid into first-class on a Denver-bound flight from Kansas City. This simple dude from Missouri, who adores the Chicago native, was headed for a spot in coach. It’s the way we travel. It works quite well for us.
We were returning from an incredible weekend celebrating the community of Raytown, Missouri. Where I grew up. It’s a prideful place. Founded around 1848 byh a blacksmith named William Ray, it borders Kansas City and Independence, home to our nation’s 33rd president Harry S. Truman. It’s located east and south of the Truman Sports Complex - home to Arrowhead and Kauffman Stadiums - for sports fans scoring at home.
Each year the town’s school district honors graduates for distinctive service. I was one of six recognized this year. World-class pianist Thomas Brown, Legendary track coach (posthumously) Bob Craddock, business standout Bob Hudson, yours truly, basketball and public servant superstar Ed Stoll and law enforcement, counter-terrorism expert Kris Turnbow were members of the 2013 Hall of Fame class, the school district’s ninth.
It was a few days of immersion into the wonderful waters of youth - home, school and elsewhere. Kids who grew up in Raytown, Missouri in the 1970’s were lucky. We had role models to follow. Educators, public servants, coaches, parents and others did a great job of showing us the way.
The school district’s community relations department, led by Cathy Allie, did a great job of organizing a variety of events, including: speaking to students at each high school, touring our respective elementary schools, a community-invited luncheon, a visit to the city’s historical society and the actual induction ceremony.
We had great chats with the students. They asked insightful questions. We learned of the issues facing a school district with different demographics and challenges. I was blown away when walking into Southwood Elementary for the first time in 43 years, the tile was the same. Polished beautifully and warming to the heart.
I was blessed to speak to the Ray-South football team before its game against arch rival Raytown. Joining me for the Pep Talk where my two former high-school football coaches: Bruce Johnson and Vance Morris. This aging jock implored the current Cardinals to erase the pain of a disappointing loss to the Blue Jays in the final competitive football game of my life. The Cardinals got the job done with an upset win!
Another event, off the official schedule, was a golf outing. All the dudes that I grew up with playing golf in a two-man best ball on an absolutely gorgeous Missouri fall day, I played with Biff, Geno, Moon and Coop. We had a blast. Doug Maddox was tournament director. If you’re basing victory on what the scoreboard suggested, we got our butts kicked.
Everybody was a winner though for the time spent together. We agreed that a golf outing should be established annually each year on this weekend. Yep. The weekend the school district inducts another class, we have a golf tournament. It will bring us together more consistently.
Everybody was saying afterward, “We have to do this again!”
We do. Then one of the knuckleheads offered up a really good idea. “We should turn this into a charity golf tournament and invite others.” That got everybody’s attention real quick. “The money we raise would go to the Raytown School District and its efforts to provide the type of education each of us was blessed to experience.”
Bingo.
As the airplane streaked through calm skies on the journey home to the Mile High City, a truth dropped into my brain like a long, unexpected, birdie putt. It made me quite giddy. If we have the guts to follow through on what appears to be a pretty good idea, the following scenario could manifest itself: we’d get a chance to play golf at least once a year together, raise money for the school district and, selfishly, get my old man’s spirit off my back.
My late father used to organize, each year, a family and friend golf tournament in the Kansas City-area. So did the Maddox’s. Neither does now. It’s time to change that. It COULD BECOME an annual reunion tied around the Hall of Fame weekend, helps the education effort and allows me to, finally, look skyward and shout, “Pops, the golf tourney is back!”
Connecting with the dudes I grew up with, supporting the schools and honoring my old man. In my book, that’s terrific trio.
It will start with us, collectively, having the guts to follow through on our rhetoric. One thing each of the gathered knuckleheads learned long ago from the Show Me State community is that our actions speak far louder than our words.
Shame on us if we don’t at least try. What about you? Is there an opportunity knocking - home, work, school, community or elsewhere - requiring you to have the guts to follow through? Go for it. Nothing ventured, nothing gained!
The guts to follow through. It’s what turns pumpkins into yummy pumpkin pie and far more important than first class or coach, right?

Pep Talk: "It's Our Spirit"

Keep it simple, stupid. It’s a phrase I learned many years ago as a graduate student at the University of Missouri’s renowned School of Journalism.
It’s a phrase that came crashing back into my cranium while seeking solace from the afternoon heat. I was hunkered down in the comfy and dark confines in a neighborhood hangout, The Cherry Cricket in Denver’s Cherry Creek North area. It was the first weekday afternoon since retiring from the Denver media world after 25 years. Time to celebrate the beginning of a new voyage. A cold beer on a surprisingly hot final day of September seemed appropriate. 
While seated at the bar, I was reading The Seasons Of A Man’s Life. It had been recommended to ponder while venturing toward a new frontier. The book, written by a team of sociologists, psychologists and psychiatrists led by Daniel J. Levinson, dives into the theory that humans certainly have a life span, a life journey, but also have a life cycle. According to the book, at 55, your scribe’s in the “Middle Adulthood” cycle. The book suggests that the middle adulthood designation means, in Levinson’s words, “The main tasks are to make crucial choices, give these choices meaning and commitment, and build a life structure around them.”
Amen to that, buddy.
So off we go into Victory Production’s wild blue yonder with courage and wonderment as our guide in winning the battle against fear and self-doubt. In all the years of speaking, writing and consulting about effectively dealing with change, challenge and adversity, one principle thought has never wavered: Life throws us curveballs when we least expect it. It’s a roller coaster and it’s absolutely critical to keep trying to turn life’s lemons - heck with lemonade - into sweet and savory margaritas. It can be virgin margaritas if necessary. You get the point. Are we going to be students or victims of life? Choose wisely, okay?
How do we do that? How do we somehow, someway, muster the courage and will to persevere through the tough times? Back to the “Keep it simple, stupid” referenced earlier, I believe it starts with our spirit. That intangible force that resides within each of us, if allowed to be activated in healthy and productive fashion.
Life of late has brought many wonderful examples of such spirit. For example: Three adolescent girls working their butts off while receiving loving care at Excelsior Youth Center in Aurora, Colorado to overcome horrific sexual, physical, verbal and emotional abuse. One of the young ladies is getting ready to graduate from the Center’s high school and has big dreams for the future. The other two, 14-years-old, are finally beginning to trust adults. As one of the girls admitted, “To let down our walls.”
The amazing woman who invited this simple dude from Missouri and others to tour the facility also demonstrates an incredible attitude. A woman with a heart bigger than the state she hails from managed to move beyond an abusive childhood featuring a mother who would drag her down the hallway by the ponytail. Compounding the problem? The angry parent would also bang this dynamo’s head against the wall a few times to make sure the insanity made a lasting impression.
Somehow, someway, the Texas native and her siblings persevered. It was not easy. Today Jamie Angelich mentors precious young women to press on despite the unimaginable potholes present. An admirable spirit.
And then there’s a young woman named Sarah. We had lunch together recently and the 33-year-old just knocked my socks off. The sports enthusiast was born with spina bifida but didn’t know it. Yep. The prognosis came late, when Sarah was about 2 1/2 years old. The challenges began to manifest about four years later. Since then, wow, what a ride it’s been: More than 60 surgeries and far too much time spent recovering from them. “It’s real tough to have a normal life when you’re constantly recuperating. I missed a lot of stuff growing up.”
As a high school junior, complications from the genetic disease forced doctors to amputate Sarah’s left leg just below the knee. Life had certainly changed but was progressing nicely until prom night of that year. Then an infection attacked the surgical area. Sarah went into toxic shock. Died. Was revived and spent many days in ICU, deathly ill. Flesh-eating bacteria forced surgeons to remove four more inches of the limb.
 As our time together concluded - organized by an awesome mom by the way - a vibrant woman who epitomizes the word “persevere” dropped this gem on your correspondent. “I don’t want to be known for spina bifida or 60 surgeries. I want to be known for my spirit.”
Amen, sister!
“Want another?” The bartender’s question ended my mind’s wandering. I was back in the moment, sitting inside a favorite watering hole with the book before me. I declined the offer and pondered the book’s passage about middle adulthood:  “The main tasks are to make crucial choices, give these choices meaning and commitment, and build a life structure around them.”
Amended, the phrase could easily read, about life: “The main task is to make the crucial choice to keep a positive spirit despite the unexpected turmoil, give that spirit meaning and commitment, and build a life structure around it.”
Keep it simple. It’s our spirit. That’s the easy part. Keeping the spirit alive and well despite what ails, that’s the real challenge. Good luck!

Pep Talk: "Enough!"

The handsome 29-year-old man plunked down across from me at a Denver-area coffee shop, smiled, and announced, “It has been a blessing to have been shot three times.”
How’s that for an opening line?
For the next hour I listened in amazement to Pierce O’Farrill’s story. “We were sitting near the front of the theatre when I saw him enter through the emergency exit and fire off a tear gas canister.”
That was the beginning of a horrific night in Aurora, Colorado. A disillusioned madman, hiding inside a gas mask, riddled a movie theatre with bullets. Twelve perished, dozens more  were wounded, several critically. Physical and emotional scars remain, and probably always will.
“I was hit once in the upper left arm, shattering my humerus. Twice in my left foot. The healing has been miraculous. I’m back to playing basketball again.”
The journey forward from the nightmarish moment has been a roller coaster. Grateful to have survived, remorseful in wondering why he was spared while others perished and fighting the battle between anger and forgiveness toward the perpetrator. The fit-looking young man focuses on the latter: Forgiveness fostered by his faith.
“I am asked to speak around the country often these days and share how my Christian faith, especially believing in forgiveness and empathy toward others, has been the foundation to moving forward.” 
I smiled broadly at O’Farrill’s mention of forgiveness and empathy being a cornerstone toward effectively moving beyond life’s disappointing and tragic experiences. We all have had them, right? Those moments in life where we’re wondering, “What the heck is going on around here?”
The defining occurrences arrive in our lives unexpected and unwanted. Rarely are they as tragic as what O’Farrill and others experienced on a warm summer evening. “I tried to escape but collapsed in the walkway near the front of the theatre. At one point, toward the end of the rampage, the gunman stood above me. I thought it was over.”
SWAT team members would eventually evacuate the sports enthusiast. A police officer checked his wounds in the parking lot and assured, “You’re gonna be okay.” Later at the hospital while waiting for surgery, O’Farrill asked for a Bible, his constant source of inspiration for the many challenges that had entered his life of late, including a relationship breakup, the sudden death of his mother and now this.
The greatest selling book in the world says something in Colossians that has been a powerful guide for the writer of this Pep Talk for quite some time. Yep. In the third chapter, 13th verse, it states, “Be gentle and forgiving, never hold a grudge...”
Now engaged - a love affair blossomed with a family friend turned caretaker turned soul mate - this wonderful spirit has refused to become a victim of circumstances. Nope. He has chosen to use this insane moment to become a student of the experience.
“It has given me better clarity to what my purpose in life should be. It has given me the opportunity to speak to others and encourage them to use life’s setbacks as a springboard, powered by faith, for a better future,” he says.
Whether others choose to embrace the faith aspect of moving beyond life’s challenging moments is a deeply personal decision. But one thing is crystal clear: The ability to muster the courage and strength to somehow, someway, allow empathy and forgiveness to win the battle against anger and bitterness, seems a necessary step in achieving goals and overcoming challenges. Faith or no faith.
Where might it be time to really just let it go? To just admit that clinging to bitterness and anger toward someone or something has been an anchor to the past that’s kept us mired in the muck too long? It’s a question I ask each week of the men I mentor at the Denver Rescue Mission. It’s a question directed toward you right now.
As a good way to achieve goals and overcome challenges, when is it time to just say, “Enough!”?
The goal may be dealing with a heartbreaking divorce, relationship meltdown, loss of a job,  or whatever.
Our time together ended. We agreed to meet again. As I watched him walk outdoors into the brilliant Centennial State day, that ol’ saying, “You’re future’s so bright you gotta wear shades” bore into my brain.
It’s the same for us. To venture into the brightness of a better future, we must let go to the darkness of the past. A good place to start is with forgiveness. Of others and of self.
Enough!