Naty Matos's Blog, page 31

Missing you hurts

Missing your love hurts

Your love hurts

Hurts so deep inside

Every day that you’re not with me

Its like the world stops spinning

This pain is so real

This pain is so true

Missing you is killing

Every part of my soul

I pray to God for healing

I pray for his comfort

But not having you near me

Is taking me to a new low

I love you

God knows that’s true

And for every minute you’re away

My heart just keeps spitting out blood

This poem, although not included in the book, was  written by one of the main characters in my new novel, “A Brother’s Vow”. Join me in this journey through the deepest of pains, hitting rock bottom and healing. Once you’ve read the book, come back and tell us who do you think wrote it? If you guess right, you will get a free copy of my very first book, “Growth Lessons”.

A crazy promise made during a night out with his twin brother will change Randall’s life forever. Will he be able to keep the promise he made or will his past cause him to go against everything he’s worked hard to achieve?

“Randall Benson and his twin brother Brian think nothing will change in their happy, close-knit family. Their parents worked hard to establish a business and a heritage of godliness for their five sons. Randall does his part for the business, but doesn’t buy into that heritage thing. He just wants to have fun, until a series of events convinces him he has to change for the sake of the people he loves. His mother’s selfless love isn’t enough to change him. The protection and example of his brothers isn’t enough. The promises he’s desperate to keep aren’t enough. Are there really forces at work that Randall can’t control on his own?

This is a story about interconnected lives and the consequences of the actions of everybody in the family. It’s not just about one black sheep and his struggle to change. The spiritual lessons you can learn from each member of the Benson family surprise you as you make your way through this complex story and navigate their successes and failures. This isn’t women’s fiction. It’s complex adult fiction with a message for everyone who has promises to keep. By Mary C. Findley”

Amazon.com, Barnes & Nobles and Smashwords.

Related articles

New Release: A Brother’s Vow (therisingmuse.com)

New Release: A Brother’s Vow

I’m very happy to announce the release of my new novel  “A Brother’s Vow” Writing this book taught me a lot about Grace, family dynamics and spiritual warfare. It is amazing how God uses everything to teach us and push us to grow to the next level. I hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it.

Blessings… Naty

You can obtain your copy today at

Amazon.com, Barnes & Nobles and Smashwords.

(Print copies will be available within the next few weeks)

Randall Benson didn’t think life could be any better. His job with the family business allowed him to travel and meet new people. His relationship with his girlfriend the model, gave his access to all the red carpet events and parties, yet there was no requirement for him to be faithful. Although his family doesn’t approve of his careless lifestyle, they love him and do whatever they can to keep him from self-destructing. Yet Randall’s only concern is Randall.

Randall’s world begins to come undone after a series of unexpected events. As Randall tries to settle down and become more dependable, his twin brother Brian seems to be headed down a path that Randall is way too familiar. Brian makes an unusual request that nonchalantly he agrees to keep. He never thought that he would have to keep his word, but he does. As Randall struggles to fulfill his promise to his brother, he is confronted with challenges from his past. Will he succumb to his past and risk losing everything he’s worked so hard to accomplish?

How to move a burro?

In the last couple of weeks I’ve heard different people, who don’t even know each other, say that someone is so stubborn that they have been compared to a burro. In the animal kingdom we know that when a donkey or burro decides to sit, they would stay there and not move no matter what you do.

So what do we do?

I have been thinking about this for a while. I thought it was interesting to hear the same analogy from people who didn’t know each other. We have many “burros” in our lives. Those are the  people we define as being quite stubborn and will not even think of considering another’s point of view. But we have to try.

I went searching for the answer and this is what I found.

“First make sure your donkey is not sick and is a healthy .Practice leading in a small space before attempting to go out into the open as donkeys are really strong. Make sure you have the verbal commands, walk, whoa, backup, over (porcupine game) in place before stepping out into the open for walks. In the beginning small cut pieces of carrots and a green apple help with learning how to lead I do train with treats in the beginning and surprise them every now and again later.”

When I look at it within people and within faith it is not too different.

Make sure that they are not sick.

How many times do people have issues that make them react the way they do? How many times do our issues make us react the way we do? We have to be sensitive to those situations instead of jumping on the judgment bandwagon. We should be a witness for those people with issues and acknowledge our own issues in order to work on them.

Practice leading in a small space before going out in the open.

This reminds me when Paul said in 1 Corinthians 9:19-21 “Though I am free and belong to no one, I have made myself a slave to everyone, to win as many as possible.  To the Jews I became like a Jew, to win the Jews. To those under the law I became like one under the law (though I myself am not under the law), so as to win those under the law. To those not having the law I became like one not having the law (though I am not free from God’s law but am under Christ’s law), so as to win those not having the law.” Sometimes we need to come down off our “christianese” high horse and remember that we were a mess before Christ, and we’re still not perfect in order to understand other people’s struggles.

Make sure you have verbal commands

I have to admit that I’m one that sometimes thinks, “They should know better”. I have to be honest with myself and know that there were times when I didn’t. Guess what? They may not know either. Sometimes you have to tell the truth in love. Sometimes people don’t know of the other options in life to resolve things.

In the beginning cut small pieces of carrots and apples

Do you remember how long it took you to actually get it? I know it took me a lot of time and sometimes I still miss what God is trying to tell me. We should not be preaching and giving small portions of knowledge without losing the relationship. At some times we just need to share times and have a relationship with a person before you can even get a word regarding the Word into the conversation. Remember, small pieces of carrot not and apples and you will move the burro, otherwise he won’t move. The same goes for people; you can’t give them what they are not ready to receive. Be conscious and graceful.

Train with treats in the beginning and surprise them every now and again.

Let people in your life know that you care about them. If you are preaching to them all the time instead of building a relationship, YOU are the one missing the point. God places people in our lives to make community and to love, not to change them. If you want to make an impact in someone’s life, you first have to be an example that they want to follow. Then you have to have someone they want to be around. How do you like extremely religious people? There’s your answer.

I promise, I’m not trying to compare humans to burros, but I know I have been a burro and I’m grateful for those who had patience with me. I would not have made it where I am without them

Until next time… Be blessed.

Finding Our Way, Figuring it Out

 By Deb DeArmond

 

September 26 is National Daughter-in-Law Day. I’m blessed with three wonderful DILs. I’ve also authored a book on relationships between Daughters-in-Law and Mothers-in-Law. Related By Chance, Family By Choice, releasing November 1. This article is written as a reminder to mother-in-laws to honor those sometimes considered “the other woman.”

 

“You know what I love about you?” asked my daughter-in-law Sarah as we sat in our favorite coffeehouse. “You don’t have an opinion about everything we do.”

 

I almost laughed out loud.

 

​“Of course, I do,” I replied. “I’m just not entitled to give it unless you ask for it or God instructs me to share it.”

 

She seemed surprised—and that felt good. Those who know me are aware I always have an opinion. Her surprise was feedback that I’d done a fairly good job of keeping it to myself more often than not.

 

Unsolicited advice on topics like finances, childrearing, cooking, or housekeeping masked behind “I’m just trying to help”—are a recipe for conflict. To your son’s wife, it sends the message that what she’s doing isn’t acceptable—she may feel you’re attempting to control her and the home she’s making for her family. The need to control never comes from a position of love. It comes from a position of fear. Let it go.

 

Instead, set your heart to pray for your daughter-in-law, to encourage her, to learn what’s important to her. I’d never been interested in the sport of running until DIL Penny joined our family. I’m looking forward to attending a race that marks her return to competitive running after the birth of my grandson. She’s her regaining her strength and speed. It’s been fun to share in her success, and I’m so proud of her.

 

When you appreciate the young woman your son has chosen, the need to point out her shortcomings becomes less tempting. Once you see her as God made her to be, you stop seeing flaws and you value her in a new way.

 

I recently shared an important lesson with a young friend, raising two little boys. She can’t imagine a woman could ever be good enough for them.

 

“If you make your sons the center of your world,” I told her, “you will be devastated, because you will never be the center of theirs.” She nodded, her eyes brimming with tears, the truth of the words sinking into her heart.

 

“How can I get beyond this? What can I do to make sure I don’t become a monster-in-law who ends up alienating not only my future daughters-in-law, but my sons as well?”

 

Here are the tips I shared with her.

 

Accept the Word as the authority on family order. The Lord is clear on this. The covenant we make is with our husbands, not our sons. Scripture in both the Old and New Testament all carry nearly identical passages about leaving and cleaving. It’s critical we acknowledge and submit to this principle. If it’s God’s plan for the family, it should be our plan.

 

Surrender your need to advise. This can be tough, but’s not optional. Wait till she asks, or until God prompts you. She may do things differently than you, but different is not wrong, it’s just different.

 

Pray for your son’s spouse-to-be. Son still single? Pray! When our son proposed after a very brief courtship, friends questioned my calm. The answer was simple: I had prayed for her all of his life. My heart recognized her the moment I met her. I experienced peace, certain of his choice. Praying for your son and his future wife when they’re still children also helps to prepare your heart. So no matter his age, pray. Start now.

 

When you are willing to honor your son’s choice, you are honoring God and walking in obedience. I didn’t lose my sons; I gained three wonderful daughters. What a gift.

 

The boys did not necessarily want a girl “just like the girl that married dear old dad.” We are unique, different from one another, but we share a love for Jesus and the desire to live life together successfully as a family. I learned to think of the differences as a gift. Different isn’t wrong—it’s just different.

 

Amazing how much easier it was to suspend judgment when I stopped comparing my way to theirs. I’ve been surprised by how much they can teach me if I’m open to learning. We’ve grown closer as a result. I know these are smart girls—they think my boys are wonderful!

 

CONTACT INFORMATION:

 Deb DeArmond

Email: deb.dearmond@gmail.com

Website: Deb DeArmond/Family Matters

Phone: 817-283-1108

Publisher: Kregel Publications

Member: AWSA, ACFW, Christian Writer’s Guild, CLASSeminar Graduate

 

Deb DeArmond is an expert in the fields of communication, relationship and conflict resolution. A writer and professional speaker, Deb focuses on topics related to the family and women. Kregel Publications will release her first book in November 2013 entitled, Related by Chance, Family by Choice, focused on relationships between women-in-law. She is co-founder of My Purpose Now, a website devoted to Christian women 50+. Read Deb at Family Matters/Deb DeArmond and My Purpose Now.

True Love

We are all pursuing true love. God created us as social beings, yes even those of us who don’t enjoy being around people. The reality is that those who don’t enjoy being around people,  are just protecting themselves from being hurt, if you look deep down. As loving creatures we crave love, just as much or more than we crave food or water.

But as we pursue love, are we willing to give love, real love? At the end of the day, what is love? The word of God tells us in  1 Corinthians 13:4-8 “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things. Love never ends.”

So having that as a base, are we patient with the ones we love?

I know that this is a hard one. We all have expectations for ourselves and for those around us. Sometimes we know the potential of our loved ones, but they may not be ready, don’t realize it or  simply don’t want to. Are we patient enough  to support them through their journey?

Do we always want to get our way?

Ask yourself this, do you rather be at peace or right all the time? Sometimes we have to compromise in all kinds of relationships. Yes, we obviously think that our way and our thoughts are the best ideas, but when we love someone we need to take a step back and give grace and allow others to go at their own pace, their way and support them and love them through the process.

Do we really believe in them?

In spite of the faults and weaknesses that we see in the ones we love, do we truly believe in the best for them? If we love someone we can’t show our love being critical of them. Instead we should encourage their dreams, their desires and their hopes.

 Do we hope for all things?

When things are at their darkest point we need to place our trust in God and not necessarily on the other person. At the same time, do we allow the Lord to work the situation or do we just give up at the first sign of being uncomfortable?  Let’s not forget that “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who has been called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28

So we know everything will be alright even on the darkest of nights. Remember, when Jesus came to earth, the worst that could happen to the apostles was to lose him and he died…but then he was resurrected. In every dead area of our lives we need to hold on to the hope that he will either will be resurrected or make it brand new.

Can we endure all things?

Life and relationships are not easy. Even identical twins are different human beings. We need to learn to accept people for who they are. When we are committed to love somebody, we need to be prepared for trouble to come, not because we want to, but because it’s life. Sometimes issues happen because a situation happens or because there’s a disagreement. When we truly love, regardless of the type of relationship, we need to be prepared to work through our issues instead of disregard the relationship. If we decide to love like Jesus did, let’s do the right thing and express true love.

Until next time… Be blessed.

To Nano or not Nano? That’s the question!

Since 2009 I have been faithfully participating in NaNoWrimo. For those who don’t know what that is, NaNoWrimo is the challenge to write a novel of a minimum of 50,000 words in the 30 days of the month of November. This challenge has meant a lot to my writing career.

During NaNoWrimo I wrote the first draft of my first publish novel, “The Road Home” and my soon to be published (Oct 1st) “ A Brother’s Vow” In this last one there’s a particular line that I got from one of my Nano friends at a moment where the muse was stuck. It’s a phrase that every time I hear it still makes me laugh. “Having a fetish for midget in spandex…”  Thanks Loki.  You would have to read the book to figure out the context.

So this year, I have some challenges to take into consideration.  I have a book launch a month prior to Nano, which I’ve done before, but have proven to be quite stressful. I have more responsibilities this year in my life than in my prior years of participation.  My main Nano support buddy has moved out of town and I won’t be able to be motivated by his sense of competitiveness. Thanks Mattkinsi.

At the same time, I know I enjoy the process so much. NaNoWrimo is my Super Bowl, my World Series. I enjoy the adrenaline rush of

Super Bowl XII (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

pushing myself to write, write and write.  I’ve thought that I don’t necessarily have to start a new project. Although I did meet my 50,000 word quota in my project from last year, “The Adulteress”, the book is far from finished, so I could use Nano this year to write the next 50,000 words.

Who know? I have until Oct 31st at midnight to make up my mind.  Anyone else trying to make this decision as well?

WF: Losing

When we are worn out with the challenges of life, usually life just throws us another curve. I tend to tell myself that’s what life uses to keep me on my toes so that I don’t get bored. I’m never bored. And when that extra curve comes; have you noticed that it’s usually related to the ones closest to us?

Our loved ones have the key to our hearts, and what they do, don’t do or what happens to them, tends to hit us harder. A harsh word makes us evaluate how could this be happening after all the love that we have given? A painful incident makes us feel powerless from being able to protect them. A bad choice makes us feel helpless to the fact that there’s nothing we can do about other people’s choices.

Somehow it makes us feel like we are losing the battle…

But remember that when Jesus went to the cross, he went for the same reasons. He was able to DO something, die for our sins. But it also hurts his heart when we make bad choices and because of the freedom we have he is powerless of doing anything unless we decide to turn to him. After the love that He has given us, he too experiences rejection, neglect and abandonment from us.

But in the hour that counted, Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” (Luke 23:24). At the moment where we were attacking him the most, he begged for our mercy in spite of his pain.

Don’t we want to be more like Jesus? Then let’s pray that he helps us be graceful with those who hurt our hearts. Worship with me today and until next time… Be Blessed…..

CrossReads Book Blast: UnEmbraceable by Precarious Yates

Title: UnEmbraceable

By: Precarious Yates

About the Book

From the author of “Revelation Special Ops” comes a terrifying, hauntingly real and daringly hopeful tale of betrayal and love.

Leonard, a computer programmer, has a unique gift: by words alone he can calm violent situations. Which is helpful with all these kids running around the streets behaving like zombies. He has his own set of sorrows to face, but he’s prepared for anything. Anything except Tamar, and the thunderous inkling that she will be his wife. This doesn’t make any sense to Leonard. She stole his wallet. And his heart.

Painful circumstances ripped family and stability from Tamar’s grasp, but with gutsy tenacity she faces life head on. Meeting the gorgeous and single Leonard changes everything. But surely a guy like him would never fall for a girl of the streets like her.

LINK to KINDLE | LINK to PAPERBACKPrecarious Yates

Precarious Yates lives in Texas with husband, daughter, sheep, dogs, chickens, rabbit, lizard and by the time you read this some other exotic creature her husband or daughter has brought home. She had studied the plight of and worked toward the abolition of modern slavery for over a decade before sitting down to write Revelation Special Ops. She was further inspired by the work of her sister-in-law, who helped to found Love146, an organization that works to raise awareness about human trafficking and builds safe homes in vulnerable regions. Yates spent several years overseas as a missionary in Ireland, and also did missions work in India and the Philippines. Her passion for literature has become her means of further educating young adults of the realities of modern slavery, while producing hope through the power of Christ Jesus in us.

Follow Precarious Yates

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Allowing your joy to be stolen

The other day,, a coworker and I went for our early morning workout. When we made it back to the office we were happy, energized and giggling. We were talking about our lives and about the things we had to do that day. The day was sunny; we had just brewed the perfect pot of coffee. It was a good day.

As we sat to work, we started talking about a common challenge. As we discussed the issue, we both started painting the possibilities of the worst case scenarios and how we could handle those. The conversation continued for a little while, and all of the sudden there was silence.

Now, bear in mind we are both very chatty people and we continued almost until noon working quietly, which is a very rare instance. All of the sudden I turned to her and asked her, “What did we just do? Did we just depress ourselves? Her answer was yes.

We had started the day energized and happy, but we had allowed negative thinking to enter into our lives. Even at that point when we had both agreed that even if worst case scenario played out we both believed that God would make everything work for what was best, we didn’t regain our joyful demeanor.

The truth is that in general we all have the tendency to do that. . We allow the enemy to enter our minds and guide us to the landfill of doubt and discouragement. We allow the fear, anxieties and doubt to take the place of faith and trust in God, leaving us hopeless.I had to go to the Word and remind myself that I need to stand in God’s promises. That just like Jeremiah 29:11 says, ” For I know the plans I have for you,” says the LORD. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.”

I also had to tell myself that if I put my trust in God I have to know that  “we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.” Romans 8:28 (NLT)

What lie is the enemy feeding your mind today? What is making you look at your circumstances instead of the face of God?

Cast all your fears and doubts at the feet of Jesus. Remember, he already paid the price. He always loves you.

1 Peter 5:7

Let Him have all your worries and cares, for He is always thinking about you and watching everything that concerns you.

John 14:27

I am leaving you with a gift – peace of mind and heart! And the peace I give isn’t fragile like the peace the world gives. So don’t be troubled or afraid.

Until next time, be blessed

Hurry, I Have a Plank in My Eye

The other day I was talking to a friend whom I appreciate but who complaints a lot about other people. Some days she tells me all about how good this person is with her. A few days later she tells me how terrible this same person is towards her. Now if we allow ourselves to be honest with ourselves we all have those same moments with people in our relationships. Everyone has its good days and their bad days. The reality is that we don’t feel the same way about people all the time.

I remember long time ago I was working with this lady who had been married for a long time. I asked her what her secret was. She told me that in love, in any kind of love, you have to love someone everyday and that doesn’t mean you like them every day. I’ve thought about that statement and it’s very true. We are called to love one another, not to like one another. We may not approve of someone else’s behavior, but we are still called to love them. That is exactly what God does with us, that’s the expression of unconditional love, to love people in spite of how they think, act or behave.

But this is not a post about unconditional love. It’s about searching our souls for what it is that annoys us about the other people around us. I’ve learned through my journey to become closer to Christ is to become the 4yr old and ask why, why, why? I don’t do that to annoy my Heavenly Father. I do that to learn a lot about myself.

As someone who works in the behavioral health field, I understand that some of our thoughts and behaviors are not always conscious and mostly are a result of our heritage and life experiences. So when something happens, before jumping to a decision on how to deal with the situation, I want to know, why it bothers me so much? Most of the times I’ve had to discover that there’s a part of me that acts exactly the way of whatever it is that annoys me.

How is it possible that something that really bothers me in others, is also a behavior that I display? I have come to the conclusion that God presents us with those situations, so that we can see ourselves in the mirror and know how annoying we can be to others. I know that I complain about that same person that I was talking about at the beginning of this post. I complain about the way some days she’s very negative and complaints about others. But some days I talk about how much of an instrumental key she’s in my life. You see… I do the same thing that she does and that annoys me.

The bottom line is that I can’t change anyone, but I can change me. I appreciate every opportunity the Lord gives me to show me who I am to perfect me into a closer image of Jesus Christ.

Until then, be blessed