Vanessa Shields's Blog, page 53

This day

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Today is my Nonna’s birthday. This is a photo of her one year ago. Her shirt says: Never underestimate the power of a woman.

About a minute before this photo was taken, Nonna blew out the candles on her cake. Before that, I took a video of her patiently waiting for us to gather our cell phones, arrange ourselves, talk about cats…really, just be the messy family that we can be…and she just smiled and watched and waited. Oozing patience like she was always so capable of doing.

It has been two and a half months since her passing. Not a day goes by that I don’t think of her…that I don’t feel her flutter in my heart.

This day…the flutter in my heart is moving around all the broken pieces. But the sun is out and it’s easy to let the golden leaves remind that she is the light, the love, the birthday girl.

First Day of High School, French Kisses and Thimbles

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I have a fourteen-year-old son. Today he starts high school.

These two sentences blow my mind into the kind of oblivion that’s hard to stumble back from.

I needed to go back in time, you see. I needed to remember where I was all those years ago when I started high school. Most days I feel like I’m still there…walking the halls, worrying, planning, enjoying, worrying some more…I have recurring school nightmares all.the.time.

So I found my diary from 1992. That’s 28-years-ago. *Insert expletive here*

I wrote an entry the day before I started high school. I was hopeful. I was worried. I was scared. I literally wrote that sentence.

I’m scared. So I’ll escape into the world fo a book. Goodnight. 

I was scared of ‘everyone calling me D’s little sister‘…Oh, how my identity crisis raged. Oh, how I’ve changed. Oh, how my coping mechanisms haven’t!

I think it’s important that I reach back into my life at these junctures. They are big. Really big. Momentous. Not only to consider who I was back then…and consider who I am now, but to recognize what I’ve passed onto my kids in terms of their identities and coping mechanisms.

Jett was excited. Confident. He wasn’t worried (I asked him!). He requested that his dad join him for the initial drop-off. I’ll admit that made me…shrink a little. He probably didn’t want his mom there – crying. That’s probably what I would have done. (When the hubby told me everything that happened, he said: You would have cried. So, I would have cried.) I know his choice wasn’t personal or meant to make me feel anything negative. The thing is, we’re raising a human with strength enough to speak his needs and show his confidence. I get it. I appreciate his confidence and excitement. My worry DNA isn’t standing out and taking the lead within him. That’s a good thing!

I think for me…as a mother, and especially as a writer, the reason I want to ‘be’ there for these momentous events is because I want to witness them. I want to hold the energy, take photos in my mind of what happens, take in the sights, smells, sounds…to remember with him. But one can witness in many ways. I know he’ll tell me everything that happened, how he felt at every step of the way. And, I’m gonna meet him at the school after his orientation, so I’ll be there for that part.

It’s just…I feel like this is one of those parenting moments…where the meaning feels bigger, heavier, more cellular. And perhaps the lesson in this incredible moment is that I’m to discover a different version of witnessing. I’m to rediscover my own experience of ‘first days’…to cry, oh yes, to cry…but in the comfort of the beautiful writing space my dreams have created…while listening to jazz from the 1920s…while the fall wind promises that changes keeps on coming…to let the sun’s rays fall onto the pages of my childhood diary and illuminate who I was…

What’s so very interesting is that the next entry isn’t until November 1, 1992 – two months into school! In it I write about how I joined sports teams, how I made new friends, how my identity crisis slipped away as I immersed myself in school life. And, my ‘new’ worry was to indulge my ‘phobia of kissing‘. Golly, that one makes me roar with laughter. Indeed, I had a very serious french kissing phobia. My how times change.

Even though I feel, on the inside, like I’m a fourteen-year-old girl…and even younger some days, the reality is that I’m a 42-year-old woman with two kids. Miller is starting grade seven (virtually). Did you know I do not have a journal entry for the start of grade seven? I can remember though, that I was happy with my teacher. I was excited to be one year closer to grade eight. I felt nervous to start school but comfortable knowing what to expect. I had a crush on Jimmy. I was terrified of kissing him. But, ironically, during the winter of my grade seven year, I would experience my first french kiss. It was pretty bad…thus increasing my terror to full-on phobia for the years to come.

My daughter shares my anxiety-riddled DNA, but she is way more confident than I was. She is not under anyone’s shadow as I so diligently placed myself back then…I marvel at her wisdom and curiosity. She makes me laugh so hard I pee. And, she writes in her journal too. So when she’s a mom, if she chooses to be one, if she can be one, she’ll be able to look back too…to remember, reflect, rediscover.

This is happening. One child…er, one young man beginning high school. One young woman beginning grade seven. One older woman reflecting.

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An update on my forthcoming collection of poetry is due! We are about seven months away from the release, providing things go smoothly! So far, so good! My final draft is with my trusted and fantastic editor. I’ll receive her notes and then do the final edits. The cover questionnaire is complete. I feel…different about this collection. It’s different. I’m different. I feel…well, I can’t quite put how I feel into words, honestly. Mostly because the words are so freshly pressed…grief still has a strong hold on my heart…though Nonna is so alive in my soul…she’s here inside even though she’s gone on the outside. Love moves us, still.

My intention is to keep up you updated with what’s happening so we can adventure this road to publication together. Many, many thanks to those who have been with me already on this journey. Thank you to Aimee and Abbey from Palimpsest!

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If you’d like to watch the book launch for Dorothy Mahoney’s Ceaseless Rain, here it is!

CLICK HERE TO WATCH THE LAUNCH

What are you reading, friends?

I just finished reading The Secret Diary of Adrian Mole by Sue Townsend. What a spectacular, hilarious and heartfelt book!

I’ve started Maud: A Novel Inspired by the Life of L.M. Montgomery by Melanie J. Fishbane. 

What are you writing, friends?

I’m in that gloriously scary place that is between projects…wondering what to dive into next…what gets priority…what gets stoked in dreamland…

There’s a memoir adaptation into a screenplay…there’s the young witch novel…there’s the women’s fiction…Ontario Arts Council Recommender’s Grants are open for business so there’s writing for that (kids’ picture books)…many projects to choose to work on!

Happy writing! Love big. Be safe.

Virtual Book Launch & Other Cool Matters

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Greetings friends. Happy first day of September. Indeed, it has arrived…the fat grey clouds and sassy wind are right on schedule (though I was not mentally prepared for the heat at 3:30pm this afternoon on my run. Golly.). I’d say most things are as unpredictable as the weather these days.

What is predictable though, if you’re looking for something to hold onto, is Dorothy Mahoney’s virtual book launch this Thursday! If you haven’t already, be sure to pre-register by clicking on the link below. (You’ll get an official Zoom invite after that!) The virtual event starts promptly at 7pm and will be held a very *special* location!

CLICK HERE TO JOIN & REGISTER

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I wrote an article for the Windsor Essex Small Business Centre about the impact of the pandemic on Gertrude’s Writing Room. Thank you to the WESBC for giving me the opportunity to write this piece! If you’re a small business owner, an entrepreneur and/or if you’ve got an idea for a business, look at the many courses and links the WESBC has to offer! (When you click on the ‘click here’, the link will show up – then you can click on it!)

CLICK HERE TO READ THE ARTICLE

I know I’ve been on the quiet regarding my forthcoming poetry collection thimbles (to be released in April 2021 by Palimpsest Press). I can let you know that the final draft is being edited and we’re this | | close to heading down the layout and design path! Utterly exciting! Here’s a sneak peek at one of the poems in the collection as part of the Backstory of the Poem series on the blog of Chris Rice Cooper. (When you click on the ‘click here’, the link will show up – then you can click on it!)

CLICK HERE FOR THE SNEAK PEEK

The Gertrude’s Writing Room first-annual chapbook is selling well! If you haven’t purchased your copy yet, send me an email and we’ll get a book in your hands!

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The cost is $15.00. (Email shieldsvanessa@gmail.com with your book order!)

As my family anxiously awaits our back-to-school details, we’re doing our best to enjoy these last days of what has turned out to be a wild and unique summer. Do enjoy the coolness of these evenings and the space that is between seasons.

Peace and love!

Virtual Launch w/ Dorothy Mahoney – 1 Week Away

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On Thursday, September 3, 2020 beginning at 7pm, I have the distinct honour of hosting the Virtual Book Launch for the great poet Dorothy Mahoney. Her new book, Ceaseless Rain, (Palimpsest Press, 2020) is hot off the press. Join us as we talk about Ceaseless Rain, hear Dorothy read some poetry, and more – including a short write-together!

This is a Zoom launch, so you’ll have to click on the link below to get the link to join the meeting next week! Two clicks, and you’re in!

You are invited to a Zoom webinar.

When: Sep 3, 2020 07:00 PM Eastern Time (US and Canada)

Topic: Palimpsest Hometown Launch!

Register in advance for this webinar:

https://us02web.zoom.us/webinar/register/WN_yRVhrkleSTeSQ3LnX1-DZg

After registering, you will receive a confirmation email containing information about joining the webinar. Click the link on the day of the event at 7 and  immediately join the event. It’s “view-only”, which means you won’t be visible on screen, so you can join in pjs.

About the book:

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A ceaseless rain is a meditation on grief. It is a carnival ride where the floor drops out, it is a ghost apple, it is the bones left in the birdbath by crows. This is where the redemptive power of rain streams down in an eclectic mix of images, revealing the daily routines of a hospice residential home. Written in both free verse and haibun, the poems combine to create an intimate portrait of love and humour at the end-of life journey. This is a collection to hold close to the heart.

You bet, you can definitely order the book and have a read before the launch next week! CLICK HERE TO ORDER A COPY!

Thank you! Do share these details! We’ll Zoom you soon!

The Virtual Writing Retreat – In Photos

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Organize your workspace. Choose your writing projects. Make your schedule.

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Manage your tech. Detangle.

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Create a funky place to lean your cell phone.

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Gather ye rosebuds…er, gather your snacks. Include water.

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Embrace the positive. Trust in the magic. Feel the love.

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Do the work. Be kind to your creative soul. Quiet the inner critics. Slay the demons.

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Do even more work. Feel all the feels. Discuss them with your writing partner. Don’t give up. What you write matters.

In case you missed it, here’s a the how-to (in words) on how to have a virtual writing retreat.

The Virtual Writing Retreat

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Pandemic times call for pandemic creativity. For your writing soul, for your creative discipline, and for your writing friendships, here’s a how-to on creating your own Virtual Writing Retreat.

1.Choose a writing partner(s).

Sounds simple enough, however, there are things to consider when building your writing group/pair. The most important thing is to be honest with yourself about the person you choose. Have you written with this person before? Do you communicate well with each other? Can you be vulnerable with this person? Are you willing to compromise? Do you think you will be able to agree on the retreat format, timing and workload?

Because technology is what it is, it’s entirely possible to choose a writing partner who lives far away. Of course, a writing who lives down the street is great too, especially if he/she/they are not in your ‘bubble’.

If your intention is to write, discuss, edit, write some more, discuss some more than you want to make sure your writing partner has the same agenda.

If this is your first time doing a writing retreat of any kind, let alone a virtual retreat, you may want to consider choosing just one other writer to join you.

2. Commit to dates and times. Create a schedule. Commit to goals.

Choose dates and times that work well for both of you, but also match your writing process. For example, if you’re a night owl and your best creative output happens between 8pm and 2am, you want to consider a writing partner who shares the same creative writing time zone.

Decide how many days you’d like to have your retreat.

A one-day retreat works well for tackling things like: writing exercises/prompts for inspiration, motivation, and idea generation; choosing your next ‘big’ writing project; scheduling and time management skill enhancement; or putting the final touches on a submission.

A one-day retreat suits a workshop-style format because the time will fly by. You’ll want to break down the hours in the day for specific things to do, and use your timer to stay on track.

Be sure to schedule time to eat meals, walk, nap or whatever ‘other’ important creative necessities that you need when you write. You could always prep your meals the day before to save time during the retreat day.

For a two/three-day virtual writing retreat, there is much more time to tackle larger projects, to output hefty word counts, and include time for intensive discussions.

Create a specific schedule, broken down by hours, that you will follow.

Though the schedule may shift based on the writing/discussions you have, it is still important to commit to the overall times you are together. A go-with-the-flow attitude is great, so long as you’re sticking to your overall goals.

Over a two or three day schedule, you may have several goals. Be honest about your energy, availability and the project(s) you’re going to work on.

This is an integral part of the planning process that may take some time. Communicate openly and honestly with your writing partner. Phone calls, Facetime, emails – however you communicate, be clear and honest with your intentions for the retreat.

Finalize your dates, times, schedule and shout ‘hooray’!

3. Tell you support group what you’re doing.

It’s imperative that you tell your family/friends who live with you and/or who are part of your day-to-day life that you’re having a virtual retreat. You will need their support so you can experience the retreat with as little distractions as possible. Also, if you share technology, you will need to make sure you have the the technology you need for your virtual retreat.

If you are active on social media, but part of your retreat is to not post, you may want to let your followers know why you’ll be silent for the days you’re retreating. Or, you may want to include some time during your retreat to create posts about what you’re doing. Either way, let your ‘people’ know about your retreat.

4. Get Your Technology On

Prepping your technology and trying it out is a must! One of the best parts of writing retreats is simply being in the same space as other writers and writing. But, the being-in-the-same space is our current struggle at this point in time, so how can we create the feeling of it?

Using a virtual communication platform is your answer. Choose a platform that you understand how to use and that suits the wifi/internet/hardware you have in your home/space. If you’ve never used Zoom, do a little research to see if it will work for you. Zoom is ‘free’ if there are only two people on the call. Otherwise, Skype, Google Meets, FaceTime, and What’s App are other options you may choose to ‘see’ and ‘hear’ each other in your spaces. Technology is a critical component to your virtual retreat, so be sure to choose something that won’t frustrate you and/or cause issues with how you communicate (and your bank account).

Once you decide the platform you will use to communicate – PRACTICE USING IT. Schedule a ‘test’ session with your writing partner(s). Figure out how to use everything from your headphones to your writing programs to your volume controls. For example, if you are using Facetime on your laptop but you will also use Word to do your writing, when you shift into Word, the image to your Facetime call goes away. You will not be able to ‘see’ your writing partner. You may need to use your cell phone to have the call, and your laptop to do your work. Be sure you have a system to hold your phone in the position you’d like it so you can see your partner, and your partner can see you. Looking at your partner’s ceiling fan is not the same as seeing your partner at her desk while she types.

Sound becomes incredibly important. If you need silence or you only want to hear the sounds in your own home, you may want to ‘mute’ your call or have your partner mute her call. This way, you can still ‘see’ each other while you’re writing, but you won’t hear all the sounds (or noise!).

You may want to switch between platforms. Perhaps you’ll use Facetime on your phone while you’re writing so you can see your partner, but when you’re in discussion time, you switch back to your computer because the sound is better.

Play. Practice. Use your technology before your retreat begins so you’ll have everything you need to make the tech part of your retreat easy-peasy.

Certainly, seeing and hearing your writing partner is what will give you the feel of actually being with your writing partner.

If how you look is important to you, then you can also play with angles and lighting during your tech practice. Definitely figure this bit out as seeing yourself on a screen in a way you don’t ‘like’ could be distracting, and pull you out of your creative writing. Or, you could keep to being a no-bra, dirty-toothed writer in a pandemic. Whatever works.

5. Writing Vs. Talking

The talking parts of writing retreats are as important as the writing parts. When you’re creating your schedule, be sure to include time to discuss your writing life. You can even be specific in your schedule regarding what you’d like to talk about. For example, to begin your retreat you may want to open The Complaint Department (more details below) to unload your writing challenges. Perhaps you want to get a solid two-hour write in at the start, then take 30 minutes to discuss the writing project you’re working on. Perhaps at the end of your day, you will leave 30 minutes to write out a Note of Encouragement for the next day – something that will help you stay focused and inspired, and discuss what worked for you and what didn’t, and adjust the next day’s schedule.

Talking about writing is a necessary part of any writing retreat. Be sure to have tissues on hand for tears of woe or tears of laughter. The best writing retreats give you space and time to pour your vulnerabilities and insecurities out…and, of course, to build your confidence and motivate you to keep writing because your writing matters and the world needs it.

6. The Complaint Department

We all have negative voices in our heads (aka: critic, demon woman, monkey mind, etc.). We all have emotions. We all have ideas. Sometimes, these voices, emotions and ideas need a place to explode. The Complaint Department can open any time during your virtual writing retreat. It is the time you give yourself to say all the things you’ve been holding inside…or only writing down in your journal…that you want to say out loud to the other writer in your life who can relate to your struggles. This unloading can include (but is not limited to): worries, issues with confidence, dealing with rejection, jealousies, envy, systemic frustrations, grant grudges, plot pain, fatigue frustration, muse challenges, body issues, aging issues, agent anger, submission slander, and dream disasters.

The point is that it can be helpful to give yourself the time, space and energy to talk about the things that you are having a hard time with in your creative life.

The Complaint Department should only be open one time during your writing retreat.

The Complaint Department should be open no longer than one hour. Be sure to use your timer to keep to on track.

The Complaint Department closes with a positive farewell. That means at the end of your unloading, be sure to shift your energy into something positive. Whether that is writing our your purpose as a writer, or whether it’s ripping up all the complaints you wrote down and throwing them out, or whether it’s letting out a huge scream into your pillow – The Complaint Department only functions well when it ends on positivity.

7. Snacks

As mentioned above, prepping food for meals is helpful as it opens up more time during the day that you can use for creative writing and/or discussion. But, having ‘snacks’ in arm’s reach is also a good idea.

Writing is a solitary endeavour. We have writing retreats so we can write with others to alleviate some of the loneliness we may feel and/or to bulk up the creative energy in the space. For a virtual retreat, the same can be experienced. Either way, part of what keeps us going is food. Sometimes, it helps the brain to hear the crunch of a celery stick between your teeth as you’re pondering a plot point. Sipping any warm drink, warms the mouth and the soul. This too can help with making creative decisions. Drink water. It keeps the mouth fresh and it’s always good for you. If you prefer chocolate covered almonds or cookies, be sure to have them nearby.

Extra special snacks like fancy cakes or scones are always nice during the discussion part of your retreating. Finding comfort in your favourite foods while your in the midst of intensive creative work is part of a great writing retreat.

Remember to keep liquids and crumbs away from your laptop/keyboard!

8. Magic

Be prepared for magical things to happen during your virtual writing retreat. If you begin with spiritually motivated guidance, like pulling an oracle card or reading from a book of daily wisdom, be prepared for messages that directly relate to your creative situation.

Be prepared to figure out plot points or character traits or poem titles that you just couldn’t ‘get’ before the retreat. Perhaps this will come to you while on a walking break or during a quick nap. Maybe it’ll come out in a conversation about something else, seemingly unrelated. No matter, magic is alive and well during writing retreats.

Be prepared to face your inner critic(s)/demon(s) straight on and find solutions to quiet them and/or use them to your creative benefit.

An open heart, open mind and open soul are necessary for a holistically powerful writing retreat.

9. Homework

It is possible that you give homework to yourself or each other during your writing retreat. For example, if you had a discussion about what projects you want to work on next, homework could be making a list of the new projects and the pros and cons to each of them. This will help you decide what to work on next. Or perhaps time management is a struggle for you. Homework could be to get a calendar and plan out the next few weeks of writing time to make sure you’re incorporating writing into your life at the speed/pace/amount your heart desires. Perhaps your homework will be to not write at all, but rather read a novel or watch a movie to give your mind a break.

Whatever you decide, it’s possible to have homework during your writing retreat that you will then discuss the next day. (The homework might already be on your schedule or it could be added as part of your ‘go-with-the-flow’ vibe.)

10. The Last Part

The last part of your retreat will be bitter sweet. You likely won’t want it to end. You’ll likely be saying things like: “golly, we’re just getting started!” and “sorry the camera angle was on my boobs the whole time!” You may even shed a tear.

Knowing this, be sure to include on your planning schedule time to reflect on how the retreat went, and time to make plans for the next virtual writing retreat.

It is a great idea to commit to writing a post-writing-retreat write-up. Make a date to share your write-up with your partner. Send it via email or speak it out loud on a call – just be sure to schedule a time to talk about how the retreat went.

11. The Post-Writing-Retreat Write-Up

Give yourself a day or two to reflect on the pros and cons of your virtual writing retreat. Write down your thoughts. Be specific. Consider your favourite parts and your challenges.

Each writing retreat you experience will be different. Not only because you will likely be working on different projects at each retreat, but because you will be in a different creative place and space.

Be kind to your creative soul. Be honest about what you need. And, sweet goodness, plan another virtual retreat.

Stay tuned for pics from my first-ever virtual writing retreat! I hope this blog is helpful and inspiring!

When Stooping to Secure it – Writing Prompts

Because what is the joy if you go alone

(from Osho ‘Courage’)

Joy is wild

part adventure

part starlight

part peace

she needs to expand

like breath

to be soft like single tears

to be hard like torrential rain

Joy glistens

content that in the shade of learning

is the thicket of alone

necessary

but alone is not forever

Joy is

so heave into the darkness

let joy’s laughing fingers tickle you home

when stooping to secure it*

my head hit an edge

an edge

of your love

at once a gaping trauma

pumps my blood

into the bowl of your

cupped hands

we stare at the crimson

ponder the spectrum of loss

I pass you the lock

I meant to secure to your heart

you toss it out the open window

pull thread from your soul to suture my wound

*from ‘The Poetry of Emily Dickinson’

Two poems each prompted by a line in randomly picked in books of poetry. In other words, each prompted by a lick of magic. Thank you Laura C. for joining me in the world of playing with poetry.

The Timed Writing Prompts:

Pick a poetry book. Look at the number of pages of poetry. Choose a number between 1 and the number of pages in the book. Choose the first line of poetry on that page. Use that first line as the first line of your poem. Put your timer on for three minutes. Write a poem in three minutes.
Pick a poetry book. Look at the number of pages of poetry. Choose a number between 1 and the number of pages. Go to that page. Estimate how may lines on the page. Choose a number between 1 and the estimated number of lines. Use that line somewhere in your poem. Put your timer on for four minutes. Write a poem in four minutes.

Spread love. Be kind. Peace.

At this stage…#morningcoffeesessions

At this stage

At this stage I enjoy the heavy dust-coated black velvet curtains hanging in the wings like wings how the shadows are less dense less ominous less horror film more musical drama

At this stage I accept the empty dust-coated red velvet seats with cushions expanding softness under the feathery weight of closures how the shows now go on in living rooms home offices and weed-wild backyards

At this stage every space every street every angle every page is a stage

adaptation is co-producing and co-writing the plot lines I exhale

quiet is taking lead roles cautiously dipping her toes into the

pocket of spot light at the centre of my days and nights

Sometimes she dances a jig

sometimes she sways like a tree

sometimes she falls to her knees and weeps

each tear a hug ungiven a kiss unmet a message undelivered

but then the shadows gather her in their strong knowing and

toss her into the air as the golden lights on the ceiling

crackle on to the rhythm of her giggles –

quiet always lands on her feet like a confident kitten

The best is when the stage is fully lit –

the sagging backdrops the peeling paint the old sofa the fake ficus

pull up their chins and smile

At this stage the show goes on and on

deep in the throat of a dusky yawn

on the tender hip of a lazy dawn

and my heart makes mountains of what is gone…

Wherein I start rhyming a poem only in the last stanza…

On the shoulder of this gorgeous blue-sky morning, I bid you happy Monday.

Two poems #morningcoffeesessions

Dream Poem

I had to stop a group of angry but right people from blowing up a building

I ran like a hungry lion from floor to floor down hallways with dirty walls &

ceilings spilling wires like intestines

Up the stairs down the stairs my calves burning with lactic acid & mission

I had to keep it all secret from the person in charge – the hero in his own world

with electric power that zapped people’s hopes & implanted leashes that he held

in his teeth – a leader shackled by the velvet red rope of evil

I had to do it all barefoot

Finally, I gathered people in a half-finished gym told them the truth that the leader

was bankrupt the building was crumbling the program was helpful but only if we

Let It Go

I had to yell so everyone could hear me & the hope in my voice

I covered my fear with inspiration

The person holding the lighter to ignite the bombs tossed the lighter on the dusty floor

We were all so hungry

My words hung over us like escape ladders

I took the first step didn’t look back though my back was on fire with gazes

I cried in the stairwell all those steps down down

On the ground level the hotel was bustling

Life folding into itself unstoppable

I saw an empty armchair in the shadow of a shiny black piano

I sat   exhausted

Soon the droves of angry followers would release through every doorway every elevator

Quietly holding the what-could-have-been in their throats like coughs

There would be no grand standoff

There would be no pile of dead bodies

There would be no execution of the sloppy leader

Only the determined heat of organized change

The thick yeasty wafts of letting go

The spectrum of blues painting hope in tired minds

The slow drawl of forgiveness

Itch

The skin on the top of my hand

Is red raw from scratching

It happens in the pitch of night

Fingernails digging in

I wake to a thin moist opening

Four layers torn through

A shiny veil of blood

Lingering irritation

What am I forgetting?

What have I abandoned

That has hunkered into my hand

A squint-worthy mystery

A case unsolved

Salve oh salve!

What are you carrying

In your magical mixture?

What garden are you traipsing in?

I’m on my knees listening for

The crack of stems breaking

Willing to die herbs weeds weeping

Under fat raindrops –

Small oceans emptied

Red raw skin

In the pitch of night

Shiny veil of blood an open gate

Poetry comes in the mornings gently coaxed out by Chris at Firefly. The words sometimes are stubborn. They hide inside the unawakened folds in my brain. Luckily, I have a bright flashlight. I’ve learned how to coax too.

Yesterday was three weeks since she passed. I’m barely writing about it. Keeping the socials clear of her death. It’s enough to feel her dancing in my chest.

The pandemic soldiers on. Adaptation continues. The heat reminds me how to sweat out. The dogs keep my cold feet warm.

Peace.

#morningcoffeesessions Two Poems

heat

heat is a constant melody

blaring from the radios

planted like seeds in

the gardens of my body

the music is always on

pushing lyrics in sweat beads

out of the skin on my temples

blasting beats of pleasure

in my vulva furnace where

it transforms into waterfalls

heat is a spell – magic

in its ability to move like

plumey smoke to tousle

my veins like half-alive

leaves clinging to

the mother tree

heat is a dictionary

spurting letters and sounds

volcanic communication

rumbling in the Vesuvius

of my spinal cord

heat howls

heat hides

heat vultures

heat slides

dramatic     of course

flamboyant    yes

righteous rambunctious religious

in its plight to convert me

I am baptized in The River Perspiration

intoxicated by the salty streams of

liquid hot pointing like arrows

on the battered road signs of

life’s trembling adventures

all the important things

involve heat

feather | feathers

one feather with a broken rachis or

two feathers leaninginto each other

one core aimed in a new direction or

two foundations reaching for connection

one splayed body bend

ing

into shadow or

two bodies crooked opening

toward the light

one image of blissful blue strokes

e x p a n d i n g over open white

choosing to see two featherstouching

knowing the way love

can blend into singularity

understanding that way love

can C

R

A

C

K

a centre

the honey stickiness of

enduring love that grounds

separate roots

one or two

together and apart

broken then blended

the sacred dance of commitment

as fickle as feathers in waiting

as phenomenal as the wind

that whips them into ecstasy

Tomorrow is the hubby and I’s seventeenth wedding anniversary. Oh, sweet love. Thank you! In total, our love has been alive for 23 years. That’s nearly half my life. Love is grand and true. Thank you, babe.

Keep loving.