Vanessa Shields's Blog, page 16

Poem 365 – The Last Poem of the Year

The Last Poem of the Year

three hundred & sixty-five of them
a thriving vineyard of poems
twisting around my ribs
my stomach swollen with
a pregnant ball of discipline
& devotion – a bacchanalia
of bliss hanging off my pen
in clumps of stanza
ripe to bursting
this is a weight that
curls & cracks over time
reaping yields of high hope
& if the final products are not
received with the glow of
acceptance – carry on carry on
fold into fermentation
sip the darkness
gulp the light
I am

in verse veritas

A Year of Writing A Poem A Day…

All day, my stomach was in knots. Today’s the last day…today’s the last day…I wrote a poem every day for a year. What will today’s poem be about? Will it be like the others? Should it be an ode? Will it hold up the previous three hundred and sixty-four?!

It is nearing nine o’clock. Time is doing what it does…running and running and running forward. The day has been full with delights and laughter and delicious food and games and reading…What has come in the poem has come the way all the others have come before it: a little pain, a little education, a little trust, a little fear, a little hope, a little heart and an overdose of love for the magical craft of poetry. I hope you can feel it.

I feel as though I am in it. In it the craft of creative writing with poetry ahead of me like Santa’s sleigh…each stanza a flying reindeer ready to guide me where the spirit wants me to go. So the words will continue with poetry a sister in my soul. We did it!

Here’s to forevers of writing. Of trusting the words. Of delighting in the craft. Of the paradoxes that truth slits open. Thank you for sharing this gushing love-fest with me.

Poem 364 – Yes

Yes

“…if you say something and really mean it – that is poetry…” adapted quote by Brenda Ueland, If You Want to Write

Yes to intention!
Yes to profoundly feeling!
Yes to the wild-ocean deepness of paying attention!

To grabbing hold to shaking stirring breaking!
To scavenging the darkness!
To picking up the sharpest pieces of Living &
holding each spectrum to the light!
Yes to wandering the unpredictable terrain of Now!
Barefoot bare-bottomed bare-souled
deliciously naked & dripping onto the page!

To dancing with Love & Loving the sweet
symphonies of surrender – how wounds
weep words so beautifully…

Yes to poetry!

That’s nearly a year…

Tomorrow will be my last day of writing a poem a day. What a wild storm of feelings inside my brain! I feel elation and exhaustion equally! I feel…well, proud and inspired. It was harder than I though it would be on some days. On others, it was like letting out a deep sigh. I can see that the poems I’ve written are different…in form and style and voice…that I did a weaving in and out of emotions, weather, nature, reflection, silliness, grief, love, family, contemplation…Some poems lived in my body for days before emerging whilst others slipped off my fingertips so quickly I barely remember writing them…

What happens now? I will have three-hundred and sixty-five poems to play with! To revise. To organize. To submit. To use as inspiration for more poetry…to look back on and see a snippet of my life in a poem from the year 2021. This is a fine, fine ending/beginning of a year, I’d say. This is a magical place to experience because as it is complete so it is also an immediate beginning for the life of these poems beyond the blog.

I know what I’m going to do next. It will still be a ‘per-day’ writing exercise. I will still create the little designs. Come January 1, 2022, you’ll get the first bite of this new writing endeavour. I’m nervous and excited…just like I was when I started out last year. Want to remember? Click here for the first day of my poem-a-day adventure January 1, 2021.

Are you reflecting on this past year? Are you making plans, goals, idea lists for 2022? Does an end to one year and the start of the next compel you to contemplate your light? Or are these a series of days a bit busier, a bit noisier, a big sugar-ier than usual? Whatever it may be…here’s to you being loved, loving what you’re doing, loving who you’re with…and wishing you the joyful magic of poetry in each day!

Poem 363 – Ode to Amaryllis & Yin Writing Link

Poem 363 – Ode to Amaryllis

An amaryllis
because
the fat ball of its bulb
made me think on
buttered rum, cedar wreath
the voice of the frontline worker

Red
the petals bloom red
the colour of resilience
the mouth of faith with hope
the despair was short –
within days the flowers unfolded

It’s good luck when I kiss gratitude
amour made a poet push up
nudging the belly of Mother

For today’s poem, I decided to go back to the beginning! To three-hundred and sixty-three days ago when I began this poem-a-day journey. I’d forgotten about the first poem, how Mariette gave me words to use for a poem on demand, how we were in a writing class – The Poetry of Flowers, how it was my first virtual class and I was nervous and worried, but it did what poetry always does – brought us together, stirred up magic.

It’s a fine exercise going back to a beginning…and then erasing some of it. Ha! Blacking out words always brings new meanings and more magic. Last year in January we were in full lockdown. That word…lockdown. Oye. This year, we’re close to it, if not in it but we’re just calling it something different. I’m still working on my year-end/new beginning reflections and dreams. It’s a process. A lengthy one. And that’s okay. That’s important.

I’m grieving a bit at the thought of not writing a poem a day again…but my heart is telling me it’s time to make a shift. There’ll still be words, don’t worry. I think I’ll keep the little art images too. I do enjoy creating them…

Time is odd…awkward…it is, as I am very slowly learning, what I make it.

Perhaps I’ll see you in the dark morning tomorrow? We’ll write together? CLICK HERE FOR MORE INFO ON YIN WRITING…including the fact that I’m adding Tuesdays to the fun in January!

YIN WRITING LINK for TOMORROW – THURSDAY, DECEMBER 30 – 6AM:

Vanessa Shields is inviting you to a scheduled Zoom meeting.

Topic: DECEMBER YIN WRITING
Time: 6am-6:30am

Join Zoom Meeting
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Poem 362 – Dresser

Dresser

holding the bottom of the drawer
with my palm flat against the taped
crack in the thin-wood, I pull the first
rectangle toward my chest
brace for the mess

it has been over a year since I
cleaned out this dresser in the kitchen
this antique holder has accumulated
a wild jungle of Things

the usual suspects surrender:
paperclips twisted open & snapped
in unusable halves, elastics crusty
with age, three decks of playing cards
none complete, broken pencils
empty pens, teeth-marked erasers
in hideous chunks

this top drawer holds the worst of
the Things Without A Home
Things small & singular that got
shoved in the smirking mouth of
a broken drawer when there was
no time or care to give them a
Proper Place

I give many Things a farewell & heave
into the garbage but among the
Things bound for the trash, I find art
by the kids, sloppy & perfect, finger-painted
birthday cards, thank you notes, an
anniversary card ‘For My Wife’
post-its, pads, pins of such antiquity
the silver has bled to rust
in the reorganization I contemplate
the importance of Things when I
give them meaning
how painful it is to throw Things out
because of where they’ve been
because of where they’re going

later, I cut my thumb & feel relief
when I open the second drawer
tidy & tame, take out a band-aid
from the bundle in the basket
feel the result of a gentle purge
in the ease of finding the Thing
that covers my wound

my blood drips on the kitchen floor
a circular pool of crimson between
the legs of the dresser

Only three poems to go!

Can you believe it?! I can’t. I mean, I really can’t! What am I going to do when January 1st, 2022 rolls into life? Do I do another year of a poem a day? I think…no. I’ve been thinking about something else…another writing practice…something different than poetry, but still writing. Every day writing. It will be really weird not writing a poem every day. But it may just happen that some days I will write a poem…that a poem may bloom out of…well…I will keep you in a bit of suspense, ok?

Poem 361 – haiku for december 27th

Haiku for December 27th

pages of writing
ink tears fears – hiking the dark
tasting fire

Poem 359 & 360 – Nod & Desideratum

Poem 359 – Nod

in the lulls between feasts & films
gifts exchanged
receiving joy & full-belly
laughter, I see her

Loss holds a candle
behind the tree
she is quiet
thought-full
her heart a forest
on her sleeve

we acknowledge
each other with
a nod

& my heart
crawls up her
leg, adds a
cluster of saplings
to her woodland

Poem 360 – Desideratum

the end is near & in its centre
a curious beginning
our collective acknowledgements
expand into lists & rememberings
farewells & fails
frailty flies over us in
murmuration

chaos is drowsy
dizzied by our need
to finalize when
energy has no true structure

so I curl into Nina Simone’s
chasmic vibrato
close my eyes & trust
that I am not alone
in my desideratum
to disappear into
hope’s grand possibilities

“We are imperfect mortal beings, aware of that mortality even as we push it away, failed by our very complication, so wired that when we mourn our losses we also mourn, for better or for worse, ourselves. As we were. As we are no longer. As we will one day not be at all.”
— Joan Didion, The Year of Magical Thinking

….there is so much I want to say but the words are pulling wool over their faces and fast-crawling into hiding…so i will remain quiet…let the words hide…seek them out slowly…and continue the grand reflection of this ending with a beginning wrapped around it so graciously…peace…

Poem 358 – Mary

Mary

I am with Mary tonight
by her side as she heaves
between prayers in a barn
warmed by animal breath
& starfire landing in
her matted hair

I watch as Josef wipes
sweat from her brow
rubs her back
lets her squeeze his
hand to bone-crush

The silence in the
hay-heavy space is biblical
we all know who is coming
the mice the sheep the cow
the little boy drumming in fear
three kings on their knees
dropping gifts on the dusty floor

Mary’s eyes are closed
her mouth a purple line
of devoted concentration
her body is a kingdom
unloading & when the child
wails his trauma on her breast
his skin shocked & bloodied
the skies throw down stars
so bright we are blinded
long enough to understand
what darkness could have
been without her

Mary – Love’s pure light
virgin vessel victorious
she has delivered divinity

I am with Mary tonight
by her side as she grieves
between sobs in the barn
for she knows the child
will forever be taken
each minute is a giving away

I wipe sweat from her brow
rub her back
feel her heartbeat
under my palm

She looks at me
her soft smile is a
womb welcoming me
she knows I am
afraid & ashamed
yet she offers
the child for us
to hold together

Merry Christmas Eve, all.

No matter what we believe, we can believe that this time is sacred. May love hold you all in peace.

Poem 357 – A Love Poem

A Love Poem

I wrapped up love in letters, connected into words I could hear in my head as I wrote, the sing-song of greetings on a paper wishwind, the Santa stickers, the address label, the Buffy Sainte-Marie stamp. I wrapped up love in ink-girdled joy, magical & traveling to arrive at your door, to be held in your hands, to be torn open by your heart & placed inside you, among the worry & grief, the hunger & exhaustion, the dark & the light, the living & the left. These are sacred times for sacred souls in sacred situations. Beyond the traditions of the fat days forthcoming, we can wrap up love in letters & smiles, in embraces & tear-fests. Love folds & flows. Love cursives & prints. Love shouts & love silences. Love feeds & love strengthens. Love understands & love dances.

Thank you to the writing angels who joined me this morning at Yin Writing! One of our prompts was: I wrapped up love…and another was the word ‘sacred’. This is was I wrote…(and shouldn’t wishwind be a word?)

Um, just curious…how many cookies have you eaten?

Poem 358 – A Love Poem

A Love Poem

I wrapped up love in letters, connected into words I could hear in my head as I wrote, the sing-song of greetings on a paper wishwind, the Santa stickers, the address label, the Buffy Sainte-Marie stamp. I wrapped up love in ink-girdled joy, magical & traveling to arrive at your door, to be held in your hands, to be torn open by your heart & placed inside you, among the worry & grief, the hunger & exhaustion, the dark & the light, the living & the left. These are sacred times for sacred souls in sacred situations. Beyond the traditions of the fat days forthcoming, we can wrap up love in letters & smiles, in embraces & tear-fests. Love folds & flows. Love cursives & prints. Love shouts & love silences. Love feeds & love strengthens. Love understands & love dances.

Thank you to the writing angels who joined me this morning at Yin Writing! One of our prompts was: I wrapped up love…and another was the word ‘sacred’. This is was I wrote…(and shouldn’t wishwind be a word?)

Um, just curious…how many cookies have you eaten?

Poem 356 Everything Always & Yin Writing Link

Everything Always

for M.M.

What’s in a tear?
his eyes – the depth of his love as it waxes & wanes his moon to your sun divine
his skin – the warmth of it filling you cheek to collarbone chin to palm the beat of his heart drum folding you into his edges
his hands – the holders of your hips your doors pushing & pulling & playing his fingers for miles discovering your treasures
his body – the grand landscape of his stories collecting pages soaked in love imprinted & everlasting beyond his bones
his voice – the songs of his laughter moving fire-bright leaves in the air to greet you

The pain of him lifting is sharp breathtaking – loss leaves his legacy on your face

What’s in a tear?
Mary, our eternal Mother’s arms
Her ultimate cradling
She weaves a boat of bliss
as you ocean-grieve around Her

What’s in a tear?
Everything Always
so you are never alone

Tomorrow Morning! 6AM!

See you in the darkness to contemplate and write!

Vanessa Shields is inviting you to a scheduled Zoom meeting.

Topic: DECEMBER YIN WRITING
Time: This is a recurring meeting Meet anytime

Join Zoom Meeting
https://us02web.zoom.us/j/82391490292?pwd=TkFURUcyYmJEZWl4NkQvNWs0UzhKZz09

Meeting ID: 823 9149 0292
Passcode: 512295
One tap mobile
+15873281099,,82391490292#,,,,512295# Canada +16473744685,,82391490292#,,,,512295# Canada

Dial by your location
+1 587 328 1099 Canada
+1 647 374 4685 Canada
+1 647 558 0588 Canada
+1 778 907 2071 Canada
+1 204 272 7920 Canada
+1 438 809 7799 Canada
+1 312 626 6799 US (Chicago)
+1 346 248 7799 US (Houston)
+1 669 900 6833 US (San Jose)
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+1 301 715 8592 US (Washington DC)
Meeting ID: 823 9149 0292
Passcode: 512295
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YIN WRITING CONTINUES INTO JANUARY!

And we’re adding Tuesday morning writes as well! Zoom links will commence in the new year! Thank you to those writing angels who join me in the really-early to write and share love!