Amanda Ching's Blog, page 5
July 11, 2013
It Came Upon A Midnight Clear: a smalltown novela (4/9)
Chapters 1-3
Chapters 4-6
Chapters 7-9
10. No One’s Gonna Stop Me Now
She was the happiest penguin in the whole world. She was sitting here, in the middle of the yard, wrapped in this awesome red and white striped muffler, and holding this freaking sweet candy cane. Seriously, it was the best thing ever.
There was snow on her feet, big puffy orange things lit from within, and she was secured with nylon ropes so that even though the wind was blowing, she didn’t fly away. That was pretty cool, right...
July 10, 2013
It Came Upon A Midnight Clear: a smalltown novella (3/9)
7. A Change of Facebook Proportions
Sunday morning saw Lacey and Grandpa in the kitchen nook, sipping coffee and reading the paper. Grandpa’s was made of actual paper. Lacey’s was on a netbook.
“Oranges are going on sale,” she mumbled into her coffee.
“Beyoncé is checking into rehab,” Grandpa informed her.
The dog stumbled into the room, stared at the bare table, and stumbled out again, obviously disgusted that the humans in her house couldn’t even live up to the canine ex...
July 9, 2013
It Came Upon A Midnight Clear. a smalltown novella (2/9)
4. Automated Laugh Track
“Since you’re here, does this mean I have to buy you a Christmas present or something?” Jack asked, throwing his bottle cap at the fireplace.
Lacey leaned back into the beanbag chair she’d rescued from the garage and covered with a ratty Smurfs comforter. “I don’t plan on staying that long,” she said, trying to make it true by announcing it aloud. There was always a chance that Genevieve would change her mind, get the holiday spirit, call her and say, “I nee...
July 8, 2013
It Came Upon A Midnight Clear, a smalltown novella (1/9)
It Came Upon A Midnight Clear
1. The Kind of Beginning No One Notices
There were lights in the sky, the kind that could have been called aurora borealis, if the town had been anywhere north enough. It could have been something else, too: global warming, light pollution, an outdoor Pink Floyd concert. No one in a position to see the lights actually did, as they were either locked in their warm houses for the night, or at the local high school basketball game, where their beloved Tigers were bein...
July 5, 2013
Coming 7/8/13, new novella, It Came Upon A Midnight Clear
Starting Monday, I’ll be posting daily, but here’s the header, and a teaser:
Title: It Came Upon a Midnight Clear
Rating: PG-13 (nothing graphic)
Wordcount: 33k
Author’s Notes: Written way back for the Carina sci-fi Holiday call, and never pubbed. Hey, it’s all good.
Summary: Lacey Jacobson’s chances for a holly jolly Christmas aren’t looking too good—forced out by her girlfriend, she’s packed her stuff and trucked home to lick her wounds in her childhood bedroom. The town hasn’t much changed: sam...
July 2, 2013
someone who has a degree in Not-Stupid explain this:
1. Shower.
2. Smell towel: clean, downy fresh scent.
3. Smell hands: clean, bodywash scent.
4. Smell hands through towel: YESTERDAY’S ONION CHOPPING EXTRAVAGANZA.
EXPLAIN. EXPLAIN.
July 1, 2013
Clarion West Write-A-Thon!
Hey all! I am participating in the Clarion West Write-a-thon this year. Clarion is a great program and can use the support! From June 23 to August 2nd I will be writing and posting fiction at this blog, including a full length novella.
Offerings will include:
IT CAME UPON A MIDNIGHT CLEAR: A novella in which a small town is terrorized by homicidal Christmas lawn decorations.
UNTITLED SHORT 1: A short story in which a family discovers their aging senile mother’s questionable and inexplicable tatt...
June 29, 2013
MAKING COFFEE: A PICTORAL GUIDE
THIS IS AN 8 CUP VACUUM SIPHON POT:
IT WILL RENDER UNTO AMANDA COFFEE THAT…WHICH…IS, UHM AMANDA’S, AND SHIT. GOD, I HATE THE BIBLE SOMETIMES.
STEP ONE: PUT ON THE MUPPET SHOW:
STEP TWO: FILL POT WITH WATER
STEP THREE: GOOGLE HOW THE DIFFUSER WORKS AND THEN USE IT CORRECTLY (HINT, USE AS IS. DO NOT BEND INTO BALLOON ANIMAL SHAPE OR TRIPOD.)
STEP FOUR: FEED FILTER THROUGH TUBE FROM THE TOP
PULL SPRING WITH CHAIN SO THAT IT HOOKS THE BOTTOM LIP OF THE TUUUUBE.
THIS IS HOW THE FILTER LOOKS FROM THE TOP...
June 24, 2013
Things I Do That Are Stupid.
I know how much you all like to make fun of me, so let me tell you a story called, “Amand-r and the Smoke Detector That Won’t Stop Fucking Beeping.”
That’s pretty much the story. Like if I had told that story in twitter, it’d be under 140 characters. Like, is there a genre for when the title pretty much tells the whole story? That thing. No, see the funny comes from the fact that I have about a billion smoke detectors in my home, something about when you rent they have to abide by the law, whe...
