Mark Matthews's Blog, page 12

The Story of My Herniated Disc

You know this story doesn't end well.

Three weeks ago, I joined an over 40 hockey league. I was looking for the exhilaration, excitement, and buzz of warm blood flowing through my veins that I missed since I was unable to run

After the first game, my damaged leg held up fine. My lungs were not overworked. I was plenty fast on skates. This was good.

Oh, but poor Odysseus, your trial and tribulations are not over.

My back was hurt, painfully so, and I took many rest days. I saw a doctor, who gave me steroids and muscle relaxers  I rested, walked a bit which made it feel good, but did nothing strenuous. After about ten days, I started to do back stretches along with the walking. The pain was nearly gone. I was going to recover.

But with no apparent precipitant, it got worse one day. I woke up with a painful burning in my hip. With each move, the pain spread its tentacles down the side of my body. I was unable to put on my clothes, and had to lay on the ground to try and put on a sock. When I tried, I felt something snap.

The pain, I assure you, was not exquisite. I gulped for air. My vision was hazy. I tried, but could not walk.  I called a neighbor to take my daughter to school, and then called my wife while I lay on the ground. Before I could even finish a sentence she said "Just stay there, I'm coming"  which were the most wonderful words to hear.

Urgent Care, where I moaned in pain and cursed with audible F-bombs. A Taradol shot followed. More muscle relaxers. X-rays said my back was not broken, so I went home but the pain started to spread down my leg to my toes. I spent a weekend in more pain than I knew was possible. Grunting, groaning, like a woman in labor only I couldn't scream at medical staff to cut the creature out of me. Nope. I was stuck. I haven't cried from pain since I was 9 years old, but wonder who's crying now? yes me.

The pain did subside some on Sunday night, and I went back to my primary doctor first thing Monday morning. The examine included a reflex test. (you know, the little hammer thingy on your knee and ankle) and my left leg has none. Zero reflex. The other leg was responsive, but my left leg was not.

(I got nothing)The nerves are compressed.  And when I do walk, my left leg will suddenly give and is weak. These are all signs of a herniated disc. As I write this, my leg is not in so much pain anymore, its all about the bass. A nerve burns in my inner hip, but the flesh feels like a dentist has numbed up my ass cheeks.  I walk with a gimp. Think Keyser Soze from the usual suspects. 

Physical Therapy is next. Unclear of how long, but if the pain persists, then its time to cut me. I have spent 23 years in recovery from addiction and have never taken a benzoid or opiate, but out of necessity to bear this pain, I was given a ten day supply of Tylenol 3. (My doctor is fully aware of my addiction history) Also I am on a new round of steroids.


What now? Well, many people have herniated discs that cause no pain. Others get them but after a period of rest and core strengthening exercises, are able to continue with physical activity (I hope thats me).

Already I am hearing; "see what all that running did to you?"

My cynical, dark said says I'm fucked. That I will be the seemingly able-bodied guy riding in a scooter around Krogers and Disney World. But my optimistic side says, while I am tending to my back, my leg heals.. That all these steroids and anti-inflammatories and rest will repair not only my back but my leg, and I will go full circle and can go back to running.

Odysseus never gave up

For now, I just want to be able to walk normal and not fear the pain in each step. To walk the dog, mow the lawn. I want my gimp to turn into a steady, confident gait, and I will continue to not go gently into that good night.

.
The biggest trick the devil ever pulled

AHOY! BOOK PIRATES

"If you wrote something for which someone sent you a check, if you cashed the check and it didn't bounce, and if you then paid the light bill with the money, I consider you talented." ~Stephen King

Book pirates, who sail the digital seas, are out there right now. Lurking. Searching. 

MILK-BLOOD is being stolen quite regularly. My google alert is full of websites offering the book for free. I have seen a few readers with a coating of milk-blood on their upper lips. 
Rock on, Book Pirate.
I can't say it's not off-putting, (like when someone stole my daughter's bike from my garage) But overall, I ain't mad bro. The day nobody wants to steal my shit is a sad day indeed. But you don't have to steal what is offered freely. (To request a free copy, write me here.) Fortunately, I am a hobbyist writer who does not expect his books to pay the mortgage.  Just maybe the light bill.
Not only are books being pirated, but goodread reviews are too. Like in this link here.
I found this most interesting forum, which you can read here, and is also copied and pasted below. A reader asks for free copies of MILK-BLOOD,  someone responds with, "hey, dude, maybe think twice." Someone then warns that the book is "disgusting and unpleasant." The thread finally concludes with the statement:  "I have a feeling the author is from another planet. It is the only explanation of his knowledge."
Exposed! for yes I am from another planet. One where authors and readers and pirates all live side by side, for you can't steal what is freely given. Nor would you steal if you had an idea of the torment an author goes through. For if you like the book, it makes sense to pay the author's light bill so they can see their way to write you another. I'd be incredibly sad if my favorite writers had to do all their work in the dark.
  
PostReuheattyaHi, I want to download books, because my local Library doesnt have the book I'm looking for. So Where can I download books in pdf format? I would like MILK-BLOOD: A Tale of Urban Horror by Mark Matthews, but other books to, so where do I go if I want to Download Books? 

Thanks in Advance.RieterviCory Doctorow is one of the few that is willing to give his books for free. Baen publishers are willing to give some of their books for free also. Pirate sites like Scribd are being sued by authors that are getting ripped off. J. K Rawling is suing Scribd. Think about that. If you spent years writing a book and someone scanned it and gave it away to others costing you sales. how would THAT makes you feel?FranusemIt was not pleasant to read it. There were some disgusting scenes and moments... Uuh...TamugeAdministratorHey Reuheattya,Urbooklibrary is the best. You can get almost any book you want for free, new or old doesn't matter. You can find all their books in their play store download app online, just type in general ebooks download

http://www.booklibrary...

ReuheattyaThanks! BookLibrary have just been added to my Bookmarks! :) PromportthoI have a feeling that the author is from another planet. It is the only explanation for his knowledge.Viewing 7 posts - 1 through 7 (of 7 total)

Oh the Good Old Hockey Game

"oh the good old hockey game, is the best game you can name.
And the best game you can name, is the good old hockey game."

It's hockey playoff season, and a most wonderful time of the year. I grew up playing hockey and watching hockey. My dad used to take me to see the Red Wings at the old Olympia in Detroit. I can still remember the red brick barn  shake due to the crowd.

Now I am a huge fan of the sport, not only of the Red Wings, who have made the playoffs 24 straight seasons and are one of the most special sports franchises in the world, but of all the NHL playoffs. I fake my way through NCAA March Madness, for my madness starts in April. A 7 game series of a good hockey match has all the drama of The Game of Thrones, and nearly just as many deaths. Watching Marsek for the Wings play like Hasek was special.  And I'm loving the Sens/Habs series. If (when) the wings are out, then the remaining Canadian team is who I always root for. For the Sens/Habs intra-country battle, I'm rooting for the Sens after their incredible run the last two months.
Darren Helm, perhaps my favorite Red Wing. (also looks a ton like Ed Norton)
This week was also the debut of my first 40 and over hockey game. My leg is too damaged to run, but I found that I could skate. In fact, in comparison, I am a faster skater than runner (I have a 8-0 record at the ages 18 and over race when I take my daughters skating. Well, I actually did lose once, but the person tested positive for steroids).

So, I went out and skated a few times, seemed to go fine, and I signed up for a 40 and over league. I was terrified that a real game would shred my leg damage apart, but my leg seemed to have held up fine. I was so incredibly geeked. I have not had the exhilaration of being drenched in sweat, of gasping for air, of feeling alive with physical exhaustion. I so needed it.

But....

I started the game with an achey back, and my back did get torn apart. It hurt the whole game such that with each minute, I could bend over less. The ride home and the night was full of pain. When I woke up, I had to roll over to the floor, crawl to the dresser, and use that to get myself up. I literally could not get up. The pain was the most excruciating thing I have ever felt. On a scale of 10 out of 10, this one went to 11.

I shuffled to the coffee maker, telling myself that if I ever found out this was permanent, I would kill myself. My wife rescued me, brought me a couple golf clubs to use as canes (they work!) since I could not walk, and later on drove me to my doctor who is well used to my sports injuries. She gave me steroids (oh shit, now I'll test positive) and muscle relaxers.  They are slowly helping, and overall,  I am happy as hell, for my back problems are not chronic and I believe will take care of myself. But my leg, that has not been able to run, can skate again.

I am not going to take to aging gracefully, not lightly, but shall Rage, rage at the dying of the light (Rage = stupidity at times, yes).  I signed up for "Old Man Hockey," I tell my daughters.

 "Are you going to stop playing old man hockey daddy since you broke your back?" my youngest asked.  

hmmmmm.... how to explain it.

"Would you stop playing minecraft if it burnt your fingers to touch the button?"

Her face was terrified. She thought it over.

 "I would still play. You should always do what you love."

Amen.

 

What I'm Writing, Reading, Running, and Watching

WRITING
I have written a couple hundred thousand words since MILK-BLOOD was released last June.

The problem is, of these 200k words, they are spread out among probably 36 different short stories and novels. In other words, I have word counts, not stories, and  "Writers tell stories not word counts." (Chuck Wendig) Right on. If 500k can't tell a story, I have nothing, so I'm trying to focus.

I read somewhere that plotting is like throwing wet noodles against the wall. You throw enough until they stick, but you waste a lot of noodles. That's where I'm at. I throw until the story sucks me in and the plot grabs me and demands to be written. My manic-ness takes over. Obsession becomes more than enough to focus my attention. Keeps me up at night. When I do sleep, obsession is waiting for me, listening to me breathe by the side of the bed knowing I will waken at 3:15 am.

I have been pondering wether to release a sequel to any of my previous books. Seems wrong to create these characters and let them die. I have chapters, paragraphs and snippets written on all of them, including MILK-BLOOD and On the Lips of Children .

Then I think of ET which I watched with my children recently.  They cried and cuddled and laughed and felt the full emotional impact, and when ET was whisked away, they asked to see the sequel. I broke the bad news that there was none, and we talked about what they thought might have come next. The story that they have imagined in their own heads is perhaps more powerful than any film could capture.

Sequels to MILK-BLOOD and On the Lips of Children will be written, but if beta readers don't like them, you'll have to read them by digging through my digital garbage.


READING
I've been big on the DNF: (Did Not Finish) lately. Perhaps my short attention span is to blame, or perhaps I'm grasping at too many titles. Probably my tastes are such that don't always align with others. Example (In film) I loved the movie The Counselor but it got panned by critics and most hated it. If you loved that movie, we are automatically friends.

Right now I'm 25% in and hooked on American Gods by Neil Gaiman. It's darkly comedic, myth-making, quirky, and the characters are both larger than life but also everyday lost souls.  I had no idea Gaiman was like this, but I should have known after Caroline scared the heck out of my daughter. So far, I see him as an American Kafka meets Chia Miellville.



RUNNING
I ran 4.5 miles this past weekend. 1.5 on Saturday, and 3 on Sunday, with breaks. This is pathetic but exciting, and I would say this could lead to increased mileage and frequency and I could call myself a runner again, but my leg has been throbbing ever since. It's like my quad muscle is bone, and I can feel how tight it is, and the blood is struggling to get through. When the heart beats, the leg throbs, some of it painful, other parts just annoying.   Acupuncture has helped. Massage has helped. MRIs and cortisone shots and a thousand and one doctors and months of rest have not. The distress of this is too much to state.

WATCHING
I didn't love the finale of The Walking Dead, and made a minor mistake by tweeting about it, since some folks didn't love that I didn't love it.  Rick as demi-God doesn't work for me as much as Rick as confused, ambivalent leader.  When there is major in-fighting within Ricks group is when the show is at its best for me. Shane, Merle, those were the days. But this season had some incredible, best yet episodes.

Better Call Saul has been a treat, American Crime has been powerful, but largely I'm on countdown to Game of Thrones.

I finally watched the movie Gone Girl and it blew me away. I expected something much lesser than the novel, and found the movie as unforgettable as the book. I have so much Gillian Flynn love that I imagine her tossing noodles against the wall and what a piece of art it would make. I would certainly watch.


 

Star of Little Orphan Annie To Play the Role of Lilly in Movie Version of MILK-BLOOD

I am ecstatic to announce that starting this summer, the movie version of MILK-BLOOD will begin filming on location on the East side of Detroit. Right on Brentwood Street, where the novel takes place.

Quvenzhane Wallis from the recent remake of Little Orhan Annie has signed on to play the role of Lilly.

After the magical realism of Beast of the Southern Wild, and the incredibly optimistic remake of Little Orphan Annie, Quvenzhane and her parents felt Lilly from  MILK-BLOOD  was the perfect role for the 11 year old actress.
"I love Annie, but the concern is the story presents a 'false narrative'. A fable for the privileged to explain the plight of the disenfranchised. Lilly is really the true type of orphan for our time."
Wise, witty, and gritty beyond her years, the oscar nominated actress added; "The sun may come out tomorrow, but your bottom dollar has been long spent. You just can't afford that kind of sunshine in some parts."

Playing the part of Lilly's father will be Lennie James known for his role as Morgan from The Walking Dead

"The true horror of the script blew me away. Smashing in brains of zombies is nothing compared to the steps Zach needs to take. Rick Grimes wouldn't last the night on Brentwood Street."


Angela Bassett will be aged by special effects guru Tom Savini in order to play the role of Lilly's Grandmother. "An Urban Detroit Witch will come natural after doing some voodoo in the bayou," said Bassett, referring to her role in American Horror Story 

Look for MILK-BLOOD on its release date of April 1st, 2018.
Or pick up a copy for just .99 cents this week.
(Only one of these statements is an April Fools)

Why I Can't Quit My Day Job

MILK-BLOOD is on sale for .99 Cents, and this news is being shared with a dozen different digital outlets this week. It starts today with sponsoring a $25 Amazon Gift Card Giveaway on The Kindle Book Review . If you arrived here from that site, then welcome! Please grab a .99 cent copy and increase your chances to win.  MILK-BLOOD is a quick, riveting read that I promise will glue your eyeballs to the page.If you don’t like it, then  just send your receipt and address here and I will send a dollar bill right to your door.  US only. ( I am not joking)Later this week, the .99 cent sale will also be featured on Booksends, Fussy Librarian, EbookSoda, Great Book Deals, Digital Book Today, Ebook Booster, Ereadernews, Genrepulse and 2 or 3 others.  It’s like I had a virus, and violently sneezed highly contagious drops off .99 cent ads everywhere.  This is the joy of being a publisher/writer, and having your own line of books. You don’t have to hope and pray that the publisher believes in you enough to market, and you don’t have to split the proceeds with anyone. Next thing you know, writing is actually paying for itself.  I am not quitting my day job anytime soon, partly because but it is my day job working in mental health and substance abuse treatment that gives me the material to write in the first place. Without that I couldn’t writeNo, I do not write about any specific client. That is wrong, unethical, and not really writing. Instead, I make up characters all my own. I take all the angst that is shared with me, add in healthy dashes of from my own psyche, put it in a pot, boil it up for a while, strain, and then serve to you El dente.Most of us would be amazed to learn the extent of drug addiction and psychosis there is in the world. Right now, somebody near you has just put some strange substance in their veins. Or they have gone into a medicine cabinet and are chumping on some prescription medications to get high. Or they hear voices telling them to hurt themselves. Or they have paranoid delusions that their neighbors are robots. That the radio is talking to them. That they have to pop their own eyeball out. That they are Jesus. That last part would be would be wonderful if they were, but, unfortunately, they are actually sick and suffering. Lots of sick and suffering everywhere, but redemptive suffering exist. It’s as old as Jesus.Now go. Shoo... go win that $25 amazon gift card on The Kindle Book Review

A Most Pressing Question About Human Behavior

The whole reason I started this blog was not to build an author platform, as common wisdom would dictate, it was to answer one important question. Something about human behavior has perplexed me forever, and continues to perplex me. I keep waiting for it to change, but it has not, so it's finally time for me to ask the question:


Why do humans feel it a privilege to be the first to board an airplane?  Why do we wait in line to be the first to sit in the most uncomfortable seats on the planet, mushed next to a person so close that we may need a paternity test soon after?

You know how it works: you are waiting at the gate, and the flight attendant announces that "WE are now boarding first class customers".

Right away, the non-first class customers (so by definition, I suppose second class citizens. The whole scene is like the reaping at The Hunger Games) stand up and get in line, waiting for their chance to get on the plane after the Elites and Ruling Class have had their chance to take their seats. Lines form, 40 people deep, which only lead to bigger lines down the habitrail tube. All so we can sit for 30 minutes extra before the plane even takes off.

Isn't the biggest complaint about flying being squished in those tiny chairs. Yet we feel it is a privilege to do this early?  What? Why!  Shouldn't it be a privilege to be the last to get on the plane? Aren't those who get on early making the flight an extra 20 to 40 minutes longer!?  Yet it happens. Long lines to be the first to get on.

And then you hear the announcement: "We are now boarding those with small children"

That makes even less sense. Let's let the 6 year olds, who really can't stay in their seats, get on early.

Well, I have been doing my best to defy this anti-logic. I aim to have the boarding gate hit me in the ass and have nobody behind me when I board.

But since we hear it is a privilege of those who paid for a first class ticket to get on first, perhaps it seems a privilege for us to get on early, too. To get there before someone next to us. All for the privilege of getting our prostrate checked by the person next to us.

I just don't understand it. Why make the flight a half hour longer?  

*You need more time to get settled?

Has there ever NOT been enough time? Isn't there that 15 minute period between when everybody is sitting and the plane starts to roll.

*You need space in the overhead bin?

Okay, that can make some sense. The space can fill up quickly. But, count the number of times that you were unable to squeeze the person's bag next to you into a smashed ball and then squeeze your own. If its over three, you can board early. If not, remember my voice in your head telling you to stop your insane behavior. Don't make a flight longer than it is. Don't be afraid of your freedom.

I am so glad to have gotten this off of my chest. I can stop blogging now. Not just because I finally spoke my truth, but since I reached another pinnacle.  My recent release MILK-BLOOD has been reviewed on one of the most popular horror blogs in the world: GINGER NUTS of HORROR. 

First class customers, check it out here:

Followed by those with small children.

Walking Dead Kills the Horse

The Walking Dead is in a strange spot in Alexandria. We are used to this scene: the group being tricked into a sanctuary that turns out to be full of humans more evil than any zombie. But so far, it's different here. The people have been nice. Besides a few incidents, they have been warm and kind and good neighbors. Naive, sure. And mysterious, a little. But it's a good place to raise a kid.

Alexandria seems oblivious to what's really going on in the world, like most any suburbia who tries to wall things out, and I felt relieved when Shay finally freaked out a bit. Thank you for that.

A politician you can trust. Is it safe here? It's got to go bad, but how and why? I have no idea what to expect, but it seems like the Rick-managed group have acted a bit like the bad guys. Sneaking the guns back is not going to be seen as an act of kindness. When the town cop can't be trusted with guns and goes around kissing people's wives, there might be riots. 

Then there's Carol, who scared the shit out of me and that little boy who saw her stealing guns. Damn... Where the hell did she learn to do that? There is an irony that Carol, a past victim of domestic violence who must know what it's like to be scared into silence, could do such a thing. Her story has been one of victim to survivor to kick-ass powerful yet nurturing mother to us all. But now she goes all "don't tell anyone what I am doing or the monsters will get you" and then promises cookies.

That's what Perps do, right?

Darryl is back to being kick-ass Darryl.  I think he's at his best when he feels outside of the group. When he doesn't shower, doesn't buy-in, eats rodents, and mumbles semi-philosophical sweet nothings under his breath. "The longer they're out here, the more they become what they truly are"  he said of the horse, if I heard him correct through his dirty hair. Very cool how he's connected with the gay couple as outcasts. Oh, what would Merle think?

Then there's the horse. The horse was quite the twist. We all expected Darryl to lasso and tame the horse which was a beast of beauty in the land of the rotting dead. He nearly did, communing to the horse with a few sweet words before the horse trotted off. Next thing we know, the poor animal is getting eaten by walkers.

Did Darryl's action cause the horse let his guard down? thinking humans were not so bad, maybe I can be close to them, only to find that humans want to munch on your flesh as much as ride on your back? "Horse as symbol for the group trusting others and losing their wild nature" is an essay I'm sure I could get a B+ on in any English lit class. As it was, the writers had some guts and broke the one and only rule of horror: "never, ever kill the dog" (or the horse, for that matter).

This was a quiet episode that planted the seed for some interesting things to follow, one can only hope.  Now someone get me a god-damn pasta maker.

Acupuncture for Runners?

I went to an acupuncture appointment yesterday. Here's a shot of my leg with just a few of the 20 needles I had stuck inside of me in various locations.




Quick background story: My leg has been damaged, not getting any better, and I'm unable to run. I've tried numerous interventions including: weeks/months of complete rest, an MRI, a running specialist, an orthopedic sports specialist, a PCP who is a marathoner, a physical therapist, a massage therapist trained in ART techniques, the graston technique, electrical stimulation, consistent stretching, weights, cross training, prayers, and one resilient but terrified Mo-fo behind the wheel (that's me).

Diagnosis of my condition has ranged from torn muscle in my quadricep to scar tissue in my quadricep to abnormal bone growth directly into the muscle (Mysoitis Ossificans) 

None of the diagnoses lead to treatment that got me moving again (so far, the ART massages seemed of the biggest benefit)

My persistence lead me to explore acupuncture.

Unscientific google research says that acupuncture treats scar tissue and adhesions. It  interacts with the body's natural electrical systems and meridians to release the mojo and joo-joo and "Qi". It stimulates nerves and muscles getting them to release, resets neural pathways, and makes your endorphins flow. Picture your heart a volcano, and pumping blood like happy lava through your veins.

This is a garbage description of course, but search runners and acupuncture, and you'll find plenty of testimonials.

Prices can be steep, and I've already thrown probably $3,000 into this injury, so the way to go, I decided was what is called 'Community Acupuncture'. You still get the initial consultation with the acupuncturist, but receive the actual procedure in a room where others are receiving it as well. This allows the cost to be cheap since 2-6 are getting it done at the same time. 

Did it hurt? No. Only one of the needles going in did I feel a small prick. Taking them out did hurt a touch. But certainly not much.

Did it feel good.? Hellz yeah. Oh my, that is the biggest take away   It was the closest thing I have felt to a marijuana buzz in my life, (other than marijuana) but only the natural chemicals our bodies make was the source. Acupuncture is used to help heroin addicts detox, and I had always thought that this was just a posh way to pamper addicts, but now I'm a believer. It can be an incredible mood enhancer and bearer of serenity.  I brought my kindle with me yesterday, ready to relax and read, but I could not.  I felt dreamy, like a big fluffy unicorn dancing on rainbows. A small humm spread through my body. Think nitrous oxide in the dentist chair.

Was this perhaps a placebo effect? I am not sure, but I think not. When I came home, I still had the sensation like I was on laughing gas and I had blurry vision. I googled blurry vision and found it was the number one potential side effect of acupuncture treatment, so I figured it was working on me. The effects continued on, and I slept hard and deep.

There is an irony here. I'm having needles stuck inside my skin in order to feel high. In this case, it's all natural

But, will it help my leg and allow me to run? I certainly the hell hope so. The acupuncturist didn't do the hard sell at all, didn't make promises, only said with assured, quick confidence that it would help. The irony is all the other doctors seemed so much more God-dang sure of what they were doing yet didn't make an impact.  I go back again this week, and plan to give it 4-6 treatments to give it a chance.

The thing is, even if I knew today for a fact it wouldn't help my leg, I would be going back for my mind and spirit. Maybe someday I will run again. If so, I may look like this:

You Say It's My Birthday? It's Your Birthday Too, Yeah

You remember how excited you were when it was your birthday and you got to pass out candy or cupcakes to the class?  Well, some things never change. I come bearing gifts on this blessedly tragic day. (If you are allergic to books of Dark Fiction which just may steal your face right off of your head, then you better pass. If not, read on.)

Below are eight gift voucher codes for a FREE download of the kindle version of MILK-BLOOD. Just click here to redeem the codes,pop in one of the codes below, and Bamn!!! MILK-BLOOD to your kindle.  

First come first serve. No catch, no strings attached. If one code doesn't work, try the next, and so on. If none of them work, shoot me a message at xmarkm@gmail.com and perhaps I’ll provide more. 

(Link to redeem the codes) www.amazon.com/acceptgift 

**As of 2/26/2015, 9 am, the 4 codes below are unused**

The codes:
Gift Claim Code  GSV5URJBD95MWA6
 Gift Claim Code  GSQMMNVBQ6R2V5U
Gift Claim Code  GSSSZTZ8R55XLB5
Gift Claim Code  GSDM6HNG7G47YDB