Quinn McDonald's Blog, page 94

Making Mistakes, Thrasher Style

Red bird of paradise bush

The thrasher outside my office window was fighting a small snake under the red bird of paradise bush. The bird, about the size of a robin, would advance, peck the head of the snake, then grab the neck and jump back, pulling the snake off the ground.

I watched this while I was on the phone. Thrashers are insect eaters, but have a curved, strong bill, so I wasn’t surprised to see him going after the snake. And it was a small snake–about as big around as a pencil. He may have thought it was a caterpillar and discovered it was too big to manage.

After about five minutes, the thrasher gave up and flew into the nearby ocotillo, where it warbled for a while, then flew off. He did not take the snake, so I wondered if he’d killed it.

After I’d completed the phone call, I went outside to take care of the snake. Checking under the bush, I saw what the battle was about. No snake.

Thrasher

The thrasher had attacked my drip irrigation hose, about the size of a pencil in diameter, and made of black rubber. The bird had worried about 18 inches of the hose out of the gravel and sand. The small gold-colored metal head was almost completely pulled off the hose. Dead, for sure.

What made me smile about this was that the bird eventually recognized that the hose was not a snake or a caterpillar.  The metal cap wasn’t a snake head. The bird did not slap himself on the head and berate himself. The bird did not kick the dirt and hang its head, embarrassed. The bird flew into a nearby tree, claimed its territory, and moved on.

Wildlife is smart that way. It doesn’t feel embarrassment, shame, or guilt. A mistake is a mistake. In this case, not deadly, so no harm done. (Well, as far as the bird was concerned. I’m going to need a new drip head to replace the shredded one.)

How smart we’d be if we could be the same way. Recognize the mistake, be OK with it, move on. Not dredge it up for years, worrying it like a sore tooth, making it into statements about our general character, intelligence, or emotional state.

Make a mistake, move on. Good lesson from a basic bird.

—Quinn McDonald learns from nature, which seems to have a lot to teach if we watch.

Filed under: Coaching, In My Life, Nature, Inside and Out Tagged: creativiy coaching, embarrassment, nature, wildlife

Charity: Blind, but not Dumb

A kid about 19 or 20 comes up to me as I’m leaving the grocery store. I’m pushing a cart with two bags of groceries and an empty cardboard shipping box. He stands in front of me as I reach my car. Skinny, torn tank top, tattooed, gauges in each ear, he’s sweating in the evening heat.

He points to the parking lot and says, “That’s my green truck over there. I’m outta gas. I’m not lying. Can you help me with some change?”

He’s not a poster child for clean-cut charity. He could easily be hitting me up so he can buy booze, drugs, bad-for-you burgers. He steps back, squats down. It’s a calculated move. He’s done this before. Squatting makes it less likely he’ll grab my purse.  And the grocery cart is now between us.

I reach for my wallet. My credit cards are separate, and I don’t have a lot of cash.. Even if he took it all, he couldn’t fill up a truck’s empty gas tank. I hand him a dollar. He takes it. Closer now, he repeats, “I’m not lying.” There is something heartbreaking about this. I know about unemployment, about being discounted, about not knowing where the gas money is coming from.

I smile at him. “Bless you” I say and load my groceries into the trunk.

Each of us is capable of giving someone a blessing. No requirement to be ordained, no need to be minister, shaman or even holy. A blessing is a gift that costs nothing to give.

I’ve had the giving-a-stranger-money discussion often with friends. In my mind,  all I need to have or know is my intention to help. It is not my business to judge, or tell the giver how the money should be used.  After I give, it belongs to the receiver.

In addition to blessing him, I received a blessing of sharing. Not a bad way to end the working day.

—Quinn McDonald believes in paying it forward. And backward and sideways. Times are tough. We all need a blessing.

Filed under: Creativity, In My Life Tagged: blessing, charity, giving money

Another use for Index Cards

Sure you can use index cards for art, for journaling, and for to-do lists, but you can also use them for planning ahead.

I teach a number of business communication courses, and I always need good examples–or bad examples–of communication run off the rails. Sure, I can make up examples, but it’s better to use real-life examples, particularly if they glow, larger than life, from a Powerpoint.

My local newspaper is a good supplier, as are magazines and carelessly-edited books.

The trick is cutting out the paragraph with the error and taping it to an index card. Yes, I could scan it, but using the back of the index card as a list of possible examples (antecedent, syntax, style issues) gives me a faster way to choose examples for class.

(In the example above, part of the story reads, ” . . . a quail family in east Mesa that was shot and uniquely edited by her granddaughter. . .” On the front of the card, I put the source, date, page, and section of the paper so I know where it came from. When I need it, I scan the newspaper piece and can use it in class.

And easy way to get a collection of good, bad examples.

-–Quinn McDonald is a writer who teaches what she knows.

Filed under: The Writing Life Tagged: index cards, teaching business communiction

Jealousy: How to Work Through It

Your best friend gets a ribbon at an art festival. You’ve got a booth, too, and don’t get a mention, much less a ribbon. You secretly think your work is better than hers. You congratulate her, but the words feel like sawdust in your mouth. Then you begin to feel bad about yourself. You like your friend, and you are jealous of her success.

That emotion dragging your ego around the house is jealousy–a mix of fear and anger, or, your feeling of lack and attack. Fear (lack) that you are not enough to win and anger (attack) that you are being deprived of something that should be yours.

Whether it’s a friend and a prize, or a colleague who gets a promotion, jealousy is a common problem in a culture that values competition.

Jealousy and envy cause similar anguish, but they have different meanings. Jealousy is an emotional resentment of the success of someone who is in the same profession or in the same office. Jealousy is an emotional reaction to behavior or achievement of someone else.

Envy is the feeling of wanting to have what someone else has, and it belongs in a different post.  This post is about feeling jealousy and working on overcoming it.

What to do with these powerful emotions? The first part is the hardest:

Admit to yourself that what you feel is jealousy, not righteous anger or a fit of fairness. Once you admit that you are feeling jealous, you can start to work on what’s bothering you. You can’t solve a problem until you admit you have one. What we resit, persists.

Concentrate on what you feel and where. Is it a sinking feeling in your chest? A tightening in your throat? A burning feeling in your head? Try to remember if you have felt this before. See if you can find the link between the two events. Is your predominant feeling anger? (“They always get. . . .” “It’s so unfair. . .” ) Or fear? (Why don’t I ever get noticed? Does the boss think I’m incompetent?)

Grab your journal. This is for the morning-pages, real-life journal you keep. It’s not for the art journal until you have processed it a lot further. Write down everything you feel. Write down why you feel this way. Don’t try to be rational until you have written down the anger and disappointment and fear.

Once you have cleared the lack and attack, keep writing. You may be surprised what you discover about yourself, including some reasons you feel so weak and helpless. The reason you don’t want anyone else you know well to do better than you.

Talk to a trusted friend or relative. Someone who already knows you are jealous. Ask them not to give you advice, but to witness your emotions. That means choosing someone truly trusted.  You may be surprised that what you say is not what you wrote. Note any differences in your explanations. See where you place blame. See what shortcomings you mention, both in the other person and in yourself. The ones you attribute to the other person are the ones you blame yourself for, whether you want to admit it or not.

Be by yourself. Make a list of the attributes you admire and wish you had that the other person has. Dig deep, and see where you exhibit those attributes, too. Because you do, and you need to honor those attributes instead of being scared of them. The most likely source of jealousy is not feeling certain of skills, talents and gifts. Or feeling that if you have them, you will be responsible for exhibiting them flawlessly.

Make a plan to support and exhibit those positive traits more often. Start by noticing them. If you ignore them, you can’t nurture them. Start to exercise the positive traits when you notice yourself in action. Emphasize them. Then choose to use them.

Be realistic. Other people will win. Others will get praised. It’s a big world with many people. You won’t get all the attention. Choose the characteristic you want to be noticed for and act accordingly.

Keep your mouth shut. Don’t bad mouth others if they win. Even if they win unfairly. Don’t complain to your friends. Don’t try to make yourself feel better by running others down.

The more you learn to depend on your own skills and talents, the less jealous you will feel. If you don’t win this time, you will know you have done your best, and you will know your next move. That’s already one step ahead.

--Quinn McDonald knows about lack and attack. She knows her inner critic and knows she has inner heroes, too.  Photos: Quinn McDonald, Cloud Series, © All rights reserved, 2012.

Filed under: Coaching, Creativity, In My Life, Opinion, Recovering Perfectionists Tagged: envy, jealousy, jealousy at the office, overcoming jealousy

Different Worlds

She sat across from me in the waiting area at the hair cutting place. She was about 70, stylishly dressed in gray and white, eyes covered by big glasses. Her hair was a bed-tousled, blond and big–1970s Morgan Fairchild big. She had on fake nails, French manicured, so long that she had to touch things with the pads of her fingers.

I have been accused of talking to anybody about anything, but she spoke first. “You already have really short hair,” she said pleasantly, are you getting it cut shorter?”

“No, I had it cut last night, but the color didn’t take, so I’m having the color re-done,” I replied, marveling at her neutral lipstick, outlined in sparkly lip liner.

“I was thinking of having mine done like Snooki had it in People last week,” she said and added, “or the latest Katy Perry, do you know what I mean?”

I shook my head, No.

The woman looked at me. “Didn’t you see last week’s People magazine?” she asked, incredulous.

Again, I shook my head, No.

She looked at me seriously. “You aren’t getting any younger, and you need to keep up with the world around you,” she admonished. “You need to pay attention to the people who make the news.”

I looked at her, realizing with a sort of bump in my reality that we were living on two different planets.

“I don’t think I know who Katy Perry is,” I said slowly, remembering vaguely that I’d seen a trailer for a movie, and seemed to remember something about her being married to a Brit with big hair.

The woman looked at me, horrified. “These are important people in our world. They are part of what we are aware of and talk about every day. Don’t keep up and you’ll be lost.”

I don’t think I’ve talked about Snooki or Katy Perry in the last two months. Maybe six. Or ever.

But it was a good conversation. I realized how many different points of view there are in a small space–a waiting room. And how many more there must be in the world. People who feel that celebrities are their family, their style icons, important part of their lives.

I also realized that I live in a different world. Respecting celebrities’ privacy, all the time, not just when they ask for it. I’m not denigrating the woman, we are just different. Completely. She thought I was out of touch, unaware of the world in which we live, and I wonder what she thinks about SB-1070, the “Papers, please” law that affects immigrants and residents who look like immigrants. She may never have heard of it.

Because just you are sitting next to someone doesn’t mean you live in the same world.

—Quinn McDonald lives in an interesting world and has no desire to wear glittery lip liner.

Filed under: In My Life, Opinion Tagged: celebrities, Creativity, reality, world view

Saturday Review

Links to some posts you may not have read, or forgotten about, or just wouldn’t mind seeing again. (When you have almost 1,500 posts, it’s nice to pull up some new-to-you ones.) Theme for today is: inventive use of materials you already have in the house.

Make a travel journal using materials you probably have, like #10 envelopes. Write on the envelopes, store tickets and memorabilia in the envelopes. Also great for business travel: Store receipts, currency, luggage pick-up tags, and parking lot tickets in the envelopes.

File-folder accordion journal for use with postcards. What, you’ve never sent yourself postcards? It’s a wonderful surprise!

Carry your ICAD (index card a day) blanks and in-progress with you. Make a Tyvek take-along.

Book arts eye candy–grab a napkin before clicking on the link; you’ll be drooling over these amazing pieces.

—Quinn McDonald forgets exactly what all is in those almost 1,500 posts herself. It’s like digging through an idea attic. Some old posts look like clothes from the 80s–all big shoulder pads and horribly dated, others still stand up well.

 

Filed under: Tutorials Tagged: envelope journal, file folder journal, ICAD, index card journal

Easily Amused

After I pulled the dryer lint out of the lint trap, I took a closer look. It was really interesting–a mix of dark and light fibers. It looked like angry clouds, or a foaming ocean in a storm.

Dryer lint, threatening clouds, foaming ocean.

I sent the photo to a friend who said, “You are easily amused.” She meant no harm; It was a phrase you say when you don’t know what else to say, much like you ask “How are you?” without really expecting a specific answer.

I gave the phrase some thought. It happens to be true. I marvel easily, amuse easily, wonder easily and, most likely, over think easily.

Being easily amused is generally thought of as the realm of the child or the simple adult. But I’ve found that delighting often, being amused at life, from everything from dryer lint to fake honors, makes life a lot easier to bear.

We cannot expect life to be easy, perfect, glowing and filled with satisfying relationships. All those require work, and not all work is successful. No reason to stop trying, though.

Being easily amused means that life is lighter, frothier, and fits more comfortably than we have a right to expect. There are many perfect moments in life, but we have to recognize them. There is no limit to love, amusement, or feeling good. Reach out for as much as you want. There is enough for everyone.

—Quinn McDonald is an optimist and occasional over-thinker. She would rather laugh once too often than be serious once too often.

Filed under: In My Life, Recovering Perfectionists Tagged: happy, optimist, pursuit of happiness

Buried Treasure

Seth Apter invited bloggers to Dig for Gold on his Buried Treasure Hunt. The idea is to return to an old blog that has meaning, but has long been buried. I wondered about tutorials or projects, but decided to go with a blog that incorporated a dream.

The terror of my dreams–the toaster cozy.

I do a lot of dream work–using my dreams to inspire journal pages or stories. In this dream, which was close to a nightmare, I was in a class that made toaster cosies–those covers for kitchen appliances from the 1960s and 70s.

The thing that made the dream interesting was the meaning that became clear when I wrote about it. Luckily, as soon as I woke up from the dream, I wrote down the details, knowing how quickly they can vanish.

Enjoy your dreams and the toaster cozy story!

—Quinn McDonald is a writer and art journaler. She remembers toaster cozies with a mix of nostalgia and fear.

 

Filed under: Dreams, Journal Pages Tagged: dreamwork, toaster cozy, using dreams in art journaling

Caring About the Whole Class

In one of my lives, I’m an instructional designer. I teach adults–create the class, then teach it in a business environment. Mostly writing, but also classes on customer service, ethics, and critical thinking. Teaching is a dream job for me–helping people learn something; learning so much about them.

Help the individual, or. . . .

A few weeks ago, a young man joined the class 20 minutes late. I was explaining some instructions, and he came in and began to tell me why he was late. He didn’t wait for me to recognize him. While still talking, he took a  seat in the back of the class, and began to pack and unpack his backpack. Warning bells buzzed in my head. He could not hold still. He interrupted me to ask questions that I had explained before he came in. I asked him to let me get to a place where the class was busy, then I’d catch him up, about two more minutes.

Five seconds later, he interrupted me again. Was he supposed to fill out this sheet? Yes, I said, and I’ll help you in another minute.

“What do I write on line 2?” he asked, as if he had not heard me.

. . . satisfy the class as a whole?

I gave the class brief instructions, and went to him. He then explained himself. “I have ADD, but I don’t take medication because it will change my personality.” A truly difficult situation. Of course he wanted to own his own personality. And I wanted to treat the entire class fairly. I said that he needed to participate in the class without disrupting the class, but I would help him when he needed it. Then I asked, “What can I do to help?”

“Nothing,” he grinned, “Just let me be me.”

‘Being me’ included constant motion, asking me to repeat sentences three and four times, asking me to spell each word of a sentence he was writing down. When I called on him, he would not be on the same page, but be reading emails or texting. The person next to him would show him which page. He’d then read the sentence and say, “What does this have to do with my life, really?”

I had no idea what to do–help him or keep the class as a whole running smoothly. To do both is the impossible ideal. His seat mate moved at the break. I moved the young man up to the front of the room, where I could give him short, quick answers, without interrupting the class too much.

At lunch, a serious woman with good skills came up and asked, “Why is it that the disrupters get all the attention and those of us who work hard don’t get rewarded?” I felt her anger and pain, too.

“I can’t explain it from that perspective,” I said. “Everyone deserves to learn, and we have a diverse class where not everyone learns at the same pace or the same way. What can I do to you to help you?”

“Get rid of the troublemaker,” she said.

I explained the difficulty he was experiencing and that he could not help himself, just as she had a gift of quick understanding, the other student was restless. But I understood her dissatisfaction, too.

Since then, I’ve wondered about the young man’s need to have his personality unaltered. And about the class’s need to have him take medication that would allow the class to run without so much disruption. I don’t have a solution. We have the Constitutional right to the pursuit of happiness, not happiness itself. But I can imagine a lot of people get lost in the shuffle this way.

—Quinn McDonald is a teacher and creativity coach.

Filed under: Coaching, In My Life, Opinion Tagged: disruptive students, individualism, teaching adults

Using Gesso

Ask an art journaler how they start a page, and you are likely to hear, “First I put on a coat of gesso.” [JESS-oh]. Ask them why and you may get a blank look or shrug. Gesso is a current fad; let’s take a look and decide if it’s the best first layer.

Gesso, in its first incarnation was a mix of rabbit-skin glue, chalk, gypsum, and perhaps some fiber or calcium carbonate. Gesso is Italian for gypsum. Today, gesso is a mix of acrylic ground, glue, and calcium carbonate. The purpose remains the same: to provide a flexible ground for acrylic paints. What most people don’t know about gesso is that the tooth has a sandpapery feel and makes it hard to write on.

Because it has a tooth, it adheres to smooth surfaces and fills in small gaps in wood, canvas and other rough substrates. It was also meant to be sanded before use.

Black gesso on the left, clear on the right. Notice how the clear darkens the background.

Gesso comes in black, white, neutral gray and clear. People have told me it also comes in beige, but I’ve never seen it. (That doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist, just that I’ve never seen it.)  It’s the same thickness as heavy-bodied acrylics.

On the left, you can see a matte black gesso. On the right is a clear gesso. You can see that it makes the background a bit darker and more distinct.

I smoothed the gesso with 600-grit sandpaper so I could write on it. Otherwise, it feels like writing on unglazed, baked clay or 400-grit sandpaper.

When applying gesso, you can use a brush, palette knife or credit card. A bush will leave brush strokes in the gesso, so I prefer a palette knife or credit card to apply it. In the sample below, you can see the brush marks on the left and the smoother application on the right. The paper I applied it on is slightly buckled because the gesso is still wet.

The other advantage of gesso is its density, making it useful to cover writing, collage, and creating a new surface from the old. It’s a way of recycling your canvases, cradle boards, or painting panels. Don’t forget to sand it, even if you are going to paint over it.

Collage using inked papers, gesso (black and clear) and gel transfer.

Do you need to use gesso on an art journal? Not if you have a good paper journal. If you want to cover the bare look, it’s easier to use a thinly-applied layer of acrylic paint in a neutral like Titan Buff or Parchment. No sanding necessary, and heavy-body acrylics will cover as well as gesso.

If you use fluid acrylics, thinner than heavy-bodied, you may have to use two coats.

Gesso is not a glue, because it contains an opaque color. You can use it to adhere paper to wood or a substrate, but the color will remain when it dries.

If you don’t like the slightly rough feel of cold-press watercolor paper, instead of coating it with gesso, use hot-press. It’s much smoother. If you want a background, use a neutral acrylic or watercolor first instead of gesso.

If you are using wood or unknown cardboard for your journal, then gesso makes sense. It works as a sealant and as a base coat. Just remember to sand it before you start painting.

—Quinn McDonald is an art journaler and creativiy coach who experiments with sacred cow materials.

Filed under: Journal Pages, Links, resources, idea boosts Tagged: creativity coaching, gesso, mixed media