Shaeeza Haniff's Blog: http://shaeeza.blogspot.com/, page 3

Birthday 2

So I did promise to let you know what I got for my birthday. Surprisingly almost all of it.
My kids behaving (well) They actually did
clean kitchen (my kind of clean) I'll take their type of clean after all it's the effort that counts right?
folded laundry ( I can wish can't I?) I folded, but then they were preparing dinner
no long hairs in the sink or bathroom floor ( is that too much?) pretty clean bathroom considering that there are 5 females in the house who have varying degrees of obsession with their long black hair
a foot massage with out asking (ahhh) didn't need one
a leg massage (restless legs are a bummer) got it, it was awesome
breakfast (fiber less cereal or as Nazeefah calls it "petting zoo food for animals") we threw out the petting zoo food for the birds to have, although I have a sneaky feeling , they left it for the bunnies that hop in my backyard when the kitties are not around, Birds are smart
lunch ( not a tuna sandwich) a peanut butter and jelly sandwich
dinner ( grilled salmon sounds great) steak and potatoes yummmmm
quiet (In my dreams!! psst it's not too quiet in there either) quiet for them, if a house filled with 5 kids and 3 cats is quiet then they're all dead or something equally terrifying has happened
my husband walking (maybe next year's birthday) yes I'll leave that for next year's birthday, although in my dreams he is up and walking like nothing ever happened
3 cars that work well (I think we deserve more than just the ability to turn on)We had the van checked and it needs a minor repair and the 4 runner also just needs a hole welded in the exhaust and the elantra just needs AC

Not bad, If I live to be 90, then I'm exactly halfway. Bring on the mid life crisis!!

Bucket List

Many people have a bucket list. There are blogs, whole websites dedicated to bucket lists. There are suggested lists of things to do, eat, drink, places to visit, funny suggestions, real intense - OCD inducing behavior types with daily reminders and motivational updates. Some of them are meant for people whose tax bill is my household's entire combined annual salary (if they pay any taxes at all, which I think is totally unfair, after all don't we all drive and use the same roads, but I'm going off on a tangent and that's a topic for a future post if I can figure out a name for it that begins with a "B")
So back to the bucket list, I made a bucket list in my head last year and was able to figuratively cross out a few. Now this list is not by priority but by how I can pull them from the recess of my brain after all it has been a year, hence the need for a written list.
1. Go to Hajj
2. go on a road trip - we've gone on many and last year was first time I drove most of the way so I'm going o chalk that one up.
3. stand at southernmost part of the USA, thanks to my wonderful family, we did just that.
4. go on a hot air balloon ride- that might happen after I over come my unshakable fear of heights.
5. publish my first book, even though it's only digital at the moment.
6. stand at the most northern part of the USA - continental that is
7. witness the northern lights
8. travel across the USA in our RV and visit all wonders in this country
9. ride a roller coaster, did that , done that, never again, refer to the fear of heights thing
10. vegetate for one day, note:- tried many times, but apparently as a wife and mother you have obligations.
11. stand on the great wall of China
12. ride the ATV by myself and not be a passenger
13. visit the great pyramids
14. lose some weight apparently when you say how many pounds, you don't lose them, you gain them
15. stand on four corners
16. vote - never tried that
17. take the kids back to Guyana for a visit
18. ride an elephant, a camel, a horse, a donkey
19. learn to roller skate I grew up in the eighties, yet it never happened
20. learn to swim apparently fear of heights and water go hand in hand
21. learn to drive stick, a old dog can learn new tricks
22. travel to India to find my peeps
23. travel to China to find my peeps
24. learn to appreciate winter for what it is, a freak of nature
25. eat sushi

There, maybe I'll add to this or maybe not, I don't know how many I'll accomplish or even attempt. What I do know is that I have to work on my "to be done now" list.

beauty

"Beauty lies in the eye of the beholder"

"The greatest treasures are those invisible to the eye but found by the heart."

If you google beauty for quotes, tons of pages are available.

I asked my husband what he thought of when he heard the word beauty and he said many things, that beauty is in everything. "A beautiful woman".
Mariam says "beautiful people and things"
Nazeefah says " beauty pageants"
Dinah says "Beauty and the beast"
Anyone can find beauty when ever and when ever they look. Beauty is relative.
Many people have written tomes, essays and hundreds of words on beauty. I found beauty today on Mother's day.
It was there all along, waiting to be noticed and cherished and remembered. With all that has happened in the past 5 months, I've forgotten how to look for beauty and today it reminded me.
My son woke up and brought out his gift bag filled with cards he'd made and poems he'd written, He had made a mirror in his class painted green, his favorite color and decorated with pink hearts. He give me a certificate for being the best mother and hugged and kissed me. Beauty.
My older daughter brought in her gift, a gift box bought late last night by her and her fiancée after their dinner out. White diamonds gift set - one of my favorite scents, an ahh inducing spray to begin the day. Beauty.
Breakfast cooked on the grill, toast, eggs and beef strips with tea served by my son. Beauty.
My kids bringing in complete bed set for my room in my favorite color. Beauty.
My mom bringing in a box of stainless steel pots and telling me to throw away all my old non stick pans.  Beauty.
My mother coming over with my dad bringing fried rice, salad and homemade buns. Beauty.
My husband singing to me what he remembers of the "Twelfth of Never". Beauty.
Beauty is here and everywhere. Beauty is where you find it.

Books

So the 'B' words is actually supposed to be about books and yet so far I haven't mentioned books. Books are my life line, they are my loves and my dreams. As a child my nose was always in a book, I gained the nickname - Bookworm  from my loving family. I didn't mind - it was the perfect name for me and I read and read. I read until I needed glasses. I read all the books in the house. All the books I brought home from the library were read before the day was out. I read a book a day. I read in the car, on the bus going to school, in the bathroom, in the hammock, at meals times, doing my chores, a book was never far away from my hands. I read above my level. I read below my level. I borrowed books from friends and I lent them. The best time I had a child was going to the library in Georgetown, Guyana with anyone who could take me. Browsing and perusing books on shelves, reading the comics,solving the puzzles, laughing at the jokes in joke books, reading magazines and just being with the books. Coming in at first place for the best time were the times my dad took me to the books store. Oh the joy!! The smell of fresh new books beats the new car smell  any day. Maybe it wasn't such a good thing because I had a hard time just picking books to buy. I knew what section interested me, I just wanted them all.
When I had exhausted the kid collection at my disposal, I went for my dad's book case and tried to read his collection for his college classes. I did and although the print was too small for my eyes (the reason  I needed glasses) I read them anyway. I didn't understand them but I read them anyway. Years later reading back those same books as a adult, I take pity on my child self. I had read words and not the enormity of the literacy or the complexity of the language. Then one day  when I was nine,my teacher brought in boxes and boxes of books his sister had outgrown. I read through her collection of Enid Byltons and it was here that I discovered the Nancy Drews. I would never forget that afternoon when I sat at my mother's feet while she prepared dinner and I moved along with her as she worked her way in the kitchen. It was The Secret Staircase. I was so scared, it was the most frightening book I had ever read (I was nine) and I couldn't put it down. I read that book cover to cover that afternoon. My first book in a day.
 Come the teen years and I moved on to the romance genre and voraciously read my way through collections of Mills and Boons, Harlequins, Silhouette and all the other novels meant for that age, and yet again I devoured all the books my uncle  and cousins read.
I started a book exchange club just so I could get new books to read.
Now I am grown, at least I look so and I find myself reading children's books, I read all my kids' books and  books to my kindergarteners.
Now I write books. Now I review books.

Birthday

I have a birthday coming up. What do I want for my birthday?
My kids behaving (well)
A clean kitchen (my kind of clean)
folded laundry ( I can wish can't I?)
no long hairs in the sink or bathroom floor ( is that too much?)
a foot massage with out asking (ahhh)
a leg massage (restless legs are a bummer)
breakfast (fiber less cereal or as Nazeefah calls it "petting zoo food for animals")
lunch ( not a tuna sandwich)
dinner ( grilled salmon sounds great)
quiet (In my dreams!! psst it's not too quiet in there either)
my husband walking (maybe next year's birthday)
3 cars that work well (I think we deserve more than just the ability to turn on)
a flourishing garden ( my green thumbs turn blue before touching poor unsuspecting innocent plants - if you would like to have plant put down , give it to Shaeeza.)

Now I could go on and on, but that would just make you realize how needy I am. So I'll stop. I'll let you know how many things happened on my birthday!

Bad

It has been some months, I've reread the four lonely posts since I decided that blogging was a good idea, and realize that I should really not post things when I'm feeling bad about myself. But after rereading them, they seem trivial, but maybe to the discerning eye of the few readers who take pity on my posts they may seem the raving rant of a middle aged woman who has serious issues. But nothing could have prepared me for what happened.

It was really bad, BAD.
 ( the following is copied and pasted from the journal I kept in the ensuing days)

 Sunday December 12, 2010
 He got up at about maybe 1:20 and I went downstairs. He came into the bedroom and asked me if I was going to sleep and I said yes. I don't know when he left.
Around 3:37 am – in my dreams I could hear Mariam on the phone and she was saying to someone "is he okay?"She came into the room and said, "Mommy don't freak out". I asked her for the phone and spoke to the woman on the other end. She was crying and very emotional. She told me that she came upon a car accident and that my husband was in a very bad car accident. She said that they were driving on the same road and her car hit the same patch of black ice and they skidded also, but because they were driving slowly, they were able to stop the car at the side of the road. She said that her girlfriend immediately called 911 and she was able to run over to Dan's car. She tried to help as much as she could and reached into his pocket and found his cell. The glass was shattered, so she sent a text to Mariam stating "Bad car accident". She wasn't sure if the text was sent so then she called Mariam's number from her cell. She said he was still breathing. She also said that the EMS personnel were there and they were working on him. I asked her which hospital they were going to take him and she said to call her back in about 10 minutes, that they weren't telling her anything and that she was going to try to see if they would tell her.During that conversation, Dinah woke up and came upstairs. I told her to go back to bed. 4 am - Very confused and shaken, Mariam and I tried to understand. I called back Stephanie and she didn't answer the first time. I waited a while and tried her again. She answered very upset and crying saying that the police told her not to answer any phone and not to call anyone. She was very upset and said how could she not answer a phone. Finally she told the policeman that I was the wife and he spoke to me asking for Dan's DOB and mine, address etc.I was told through Stephanie that they were going to bring him to Wilson. I thanked her and we started to get ready.Mariam started the van and we got dressed. Finally we left and very slowly we drove down the hill which fortunately they had just thrown salt on. The salt truck was just behind us.I drove down Conklin, then over Exchange St. Bridge. I stayed right and drove down Front Street and then took Main Street all the way down to Wilson memorial hospital. We got good parking and then had the adventure to find to ER. I dialed the courtesy phone at the front desk and was told how to get to the ER.  It was very surreal walking through an ER that was standing at ready for a trauma patient, everywhere I looked there were people standing at ready. I asked if an accident victim came in already and was told no, a nursing somebody showed us where to sit and wait. I was extremely thirsty and dry. The nurse brought me some water.The nurse gave us some water and we waited about 10 mins. I'm not quite sure. Then I heard the overhead chime and the announcement "Trauma 1!" ( a sound and voice that will forever haunt me)I stood up and peeked through the glass panel on the door. Mariam and I started to cry when I saw them wheeling him in and I recognized his uniform. They took him into an x-ray room and they spent what seemed like forever on him. The registration nurse called me and asked for info. Soon after, the EMT who worked on him spoke to me about the accident. He said that it was a high speed collision and Dan had hit an ice patch and collided with another vehicle almost head on. I don't remember what question I asked but the answer was that the cars were face to face across the width of the roadway.He told me about his preliminary injuries, broken arm, badly broken legs and he asked me if there was any problem with left eye. I told him, only that he wears glasses and he has astigmatism in the left eye. He said they noticed something about his left eye. I asked about his glasses and he said, there was none at the scene, they were probably knocked off on impact. He spent a long time with me asking questions and answering mine, most of which I don't remember. I asked if Dan knew he was in an accident and he said yes. He did say that it was a violent crash and his legs were trapped under the dash of the car. They had to use the Jaws of Life to get him out of the car. He also said that when they arrived on the scene, they could hardly walk from the ambulance to the car because of the slickness of the road. They practically slid over to the car. It took them about ½ hour to pry him from the car. He gave me Dan's silver pen. He also asked if he could call me and ask about Dan and to see how he was doing, I said yes. He seemed very caring and concerned. He asked if his job knew about the accident and I told no. He asked if I would like him to contact his job and I said yes. He said he would ask dispatch to do so.The security guard brought in his shield from his jacket.I asked about which doctors were call. And was told Dr. Bajwa, Dr. Ojo was called in and that Dr. Desai was the orthopedic surgeon on call.One of the nurses brought his wallet.5:37 am, I called Seton 3 and spoke to Lori, told them as much as I could about what I knew. I also told her that I was calling out for the evening shift. She said it might be too early to tell the supervisor so I would have to call later in the morning.They wheeled him back from the CAT scan and took him back to the room. They started to do x-rays on him. I don't exactly know how many x-rays they did, it just looked like one after the other, one after the other for a very long time.The woman at the registrar brought us tea and graham crackers and juice for Mariam.We sat down again and waited for time to call everyone. I called daddy first, no answer, I called sis. Dolly's cell, voice mail, so I waited until Fajr time and called again. I spoke to daddy and told him what happened.Then we saw him being wheeled to CT, all I saw was a bloody head and bloody bandages around his legs, lots of blood. Wish I took a picture.6:46am I called sis. Dolly's house and Ajo answered, I spoke to him thinking I was talking to daddy, and then caught myself after Ajo said hello. I told him and then he put me on speaker phone, I guess sis. Dolly must have picked up the phone.After what seemed like an eternity, Dr. Ojo came out to talk to us, he took us to a small conference room and told us about his injuries.  Broken left elbow, broken left thigh, broken right knee and ankle, small puncture on the left lung, and bleeding in the brain were the injuries he could identify. He said he called Dr. Bajwa as neurological surgeon, Dr. Desai as orthopedic surgeon.He said that they were going to clean him up and they nurses were going to come get us so we can see him. He said he was going to give him some stitches for some cuts on his forehead. He said that he was already intubated. A nurse brought out a Ziploc bag filled with all the things from his pocket.  The security guard introduced himself to us as Muslim and told us to make dua. He kept walking back to check on Dan and told us that they were still cleaning him up and as soon as they were done we could see him.Dr. Ojo came back to ask me a question6:57 called Nazeefah and told her what happened. She asked if it was why we were up at 4:00 in the morning. I told her pack and get ready to go to grandma. I spoke to Danyal and Dina. They all sounded so shocked and terrified. 7:13 am call out officially at Lourdes.Soon after, I saw Dr. Bajwa enter the room with another Dr. I guess was Dr. Desai.Housekeeping entered and started cleaning up.Dr. Ojo came out and took us to the room and it was surreal. Bloody sneaker footprints all over the floor, he was lying in the bed with his work shirt still on lots of blood everywhere. He was already ventilated and he felt very cold.Dr. Bajwa was there with Dr. Desai. When Dr. Bajwa saw us, he was surprised and took us outside the room and told us that the blood clot was on a bad place and he wasn't going to operate, but just monitor him, he said that his injuries were extensive, but he will get better after a long time. He started crying and hugged both of us. We spoke to Dr. Desai and he told us that he was going to start the surgery in about an hour. He did tell us that the surgery might take about 6-8 hours and he would be in the ICU. They were going to keep him in ICU for an hour to monitor him and then take to OR.One of the nurses said that they would check out that clot to make sure that the clot wasn't the cause of the accident or that it was a result of the accident.We stayed with Dan until it was time to take him upstairs. Mariam was crying all the while. We gave Salam and squeezed his hand. We think he recognized our voices, we saw a tear run down the side of his eye. He was very restless and seemed to be in a lot of pain, he was constantly moving. He was moving his arms, shoulders, legs and seemed very agitated. It was very scary to watch him like that.We went up with him to the ICU and they told us that he was going to be there for an hour until the surgery. We waited in the family waiting room and I continued the phone calls, calling everyone and telling them about what was going on.They called us in and he was already in a hospital gown, still bloody, with a Foley in, the nurse was busy hanging stuff. He was covered with a bair hugger to help make him warm.  He was still agitated and restless. His potassium was low – 2.8, so he was going to get more hung. She checked his neuros and I saw his right pupil contract and his left didn't, it stayed opened. Soon his room was filled with people. I gave a brief medical history to the nurse, the nurse anesthetist was there and other OR personnel, so they were able to share in the history. Someone from the front desk brought in a phone number from John Sherman and a call back number. The OR called for him and we went down to the surgical unit.He was very restless and extremely agitated. He seemed to respond to Mariam's voice.We stayed with him until he went into the OR and then the aide showed us the waiting room for surgery. There was another family there. Mariam left me to go home and I called home Sami and kids hadn't left yet. Soon after mommy and daddy came in, she brought me breakfast cheese and chota. They kept me company for quite a while until Sami came with the kids. 9:28am -The green light went on his name stating that he went into surgery.More phone calls.Sami started a puzzle.I started about 50 solitaire card games on the computer and solved only one.I called John Sherman back and he was very concerned about him, he said that the dispatch from the EMT called and told what them happened. He also said that another worker from the Binghamton area passed by the accident, but wasn't able to drive there as they had closed the road. So she didn't know that it was Mo. He also asked if we needed anything, please ask.Soon after, not sure how long after, his manager Donna called and was very concerned about him.Lunch, more cheese and chota and that was all.Plugged in all electronics to charge especially camera battery1pm - Dr Bajwa came in and told me that they finished one leg and were starting on the other one. He said he was going to be fine.Sami left to take back Elaine's notes. More waiting, taking pictures of all three of the surgery boards and trying to ignore my restless legs3:25pm – suddenly his name turned pink, he was out of surgery and in the recovery room!Called Sami and texted MariamStarted packing up everything and putting them all together and waited for Dr. Desai. Sami came back and waited with me.
3:45pm ish - Dr. Desai came in and explained his injuries. Damaged left elbow, tendons and soft tissue damage short rod in place and stabilizing the area as the elbow was very unstable.Left femur bone fractured in about 3 places which is very unusual. Rod inserted to stabilize and heal, hopefully he doesn't have to go back in. Deep laceration on left knee, no damage to knee, just soft tissue, and another laceration on the bottom of left heel, clean up and bandaged.On the right, the bone just above the knee was broken, right knee broken, right ankle broken through the skin. He should recover from all injuries, he will be in the ICU for a while until Dr. Bajwa is happy with the state of the blood clot, then he will be transferred to the ortho floor after which he would have rehab.He would be non weight bearing on the right and the left heel could support weight except for the left broken femur. He received 3 units of blood.He said he would be in the recovery room for about an hour, and then the nurses would let us know when they're taking him to the ICU.Another hour waiting and some more phone calls.The aide came and told us that they were taking him back to ICU, so we came back up.Received a call from an officer who was present on scene, very kind, very concerned, very compassionate call, he texted me info on the towing company that took the car and his phone number to contact him. I also received a text from Stephanie asking about how he was doing… will ask Sami to answer. I'm tired from talking so much about it.We waited for a while until they were done and then the nurse came in to get us. We went in to see him and saw the reason for the delay. They had put the chest tube in. The collapsed lung had gotten bigger. He looked so much calmer and rested than before. He felt so much warmer than before. Nothing felt cold. He was covered with many blankets. I lifted his gown and examined everything I could. The nurse asked us to leave as she didn't want him agitated. Mariam was talking to him and he seemed to be in pain. He was also trying to pull his Foley out and they'd put him in restraints.  I overheard the nurse telling another one that his blood pressure was in the 66's when he got up on the floor.We kissed him and told him we loved him. He was so swollen with all the fluids they'd been giving him that even the conjunctiva of his eyes were filled with fluid. He moved his left foot and seemed to squeeze my hand when I talked to him.She checked his neuros again and his pupils seemed to stay the same. She said no change. We left and went to the waiting room. I called mommy and told them to bring the kids and that they could come visit.
Dr. Bajwa spoke to me about his blood clot and said that they are going to monitor the clot. He said that he will get better. He also said that he told some community members.Mommy brought food roti, dhal, turkey curry and rice. We ate, I couldn't eat as much, and Sami had the roti.When we were almost done eating, Dr. Sethi came in the room and he said that Romineh called him at his office and asked him to come over. He said he looked at his scans and there seemed to be a clot directly on the brain stem. The position of the clot is very atypical of this type of brain injury as bleeding in the brain would have blood above the brain and not on the brain stem. He said the clot was directly behind the mouth. It could be that he's always had the clot there and it could be congenital. He said that his injuries are recoverable, and echoed Dr. Desai in saying that he has a long road ahead of him.

blessed

They say having children is a blessing. A blessing ....let me count the ways.
they say children bring you joy,
they say children bring you pride
they say children bring you youth
they say children bring you longevitiy

I have five children, four girls and one boy.
There are times when I am glad when they are gone for the weekend to visit grandma. There are times when I'm absolutely happy that school's been reopened. There are times when I'm elated that the neighbors kids come calling so they would go outside for awhile. There is every night when I'm just satisfied that they're in their beds.

I try to be a good mother, I really really do, but then there are the times when I think "blessing, really?!"
Sometimes they are my trial
Sometimes they are my disappointment
Sometimes they are on my last nerve
Sometimes they are my frustration
Sometimes they are my stroke/ heart attack pending or patience ending inducing meltdown

But then I think to when I was tasting the bitter morning bile when ever I threw up, the inside movements that only I could enjoy, the strong kicks and nudges and cravings and sciatica and .....

they are a blessing

they are my pride
they are my joy
they are my loyality
they are my longevity
they are my smiles
they are my jokes
they are my youth
they are my loves

blessing

before

So I look at my self in the mirror and with the utmost astonishment, realise with great reluctance that I'm the 'before' picture. The before picture where your love handles are spilling over your undies and your boobies are angling down toward the great gravitional pull of the earth. Your belly button is no longer cute and shallow, but is instead the model hole for planting spring bulbs. And for some reason I have the same bad hair as in every before picture.I slowly turn to the side and "gasp", it's worst than I thought. I can pick up my belly and see the big doughy fat that is now my mid section. I wiggle it and watch it jiggle.Why can't the fat just melt and run off when I do that? I know that when you heat fat, it melts. Won't wiggling and jiggling my belly fat produce the same result?You'd think that the same way the fat targets your belly area after cheese cake, donuts, chips, candy and every other edible fat factory delight, would reverse itself if you wiggle and jiggle our belly fat. BUT nooooooo, that would be too easy. My body just don't work that way.

You would think that by now I'd be accepting of my body that carried and supported five kids and breast fed each one of them. But I'm having a real hard time thinking that this is me. I still feel like I'm skinny. I don't feel fat or overweight. I just feel unsettled that I didn't do a better job at losing the weight after each baby.

So my before picture is me feeling sorry for myself. Pathetic, I know, whiny, I know!

So here is my before......



image removed to due to fear of being sued ......

belonging

So I kinda think that I belong somewhere. I belong with parents and siblings, being the oldest of 4 often comes with a great sense of belonging. I belong with my husband of 23 years. I belong with my 5 kids who either still love me or question their loyality. I belong with the Muslim community to some extent even though I've encountered more discrimination I'd imagined coming from Muslims. I belong with this school as teacher of my class. I belong even more to the other school and every time I go back there, it's as if we never left NYC.

I belong with Guyana although you'd probably have to pay me many, many millions of dollars to go back there to live. I belong with the migrants who came to America with a dollar and a dream. I belong with America the day I raised my hand and pledged allegiance to this country.

I belong with all the aides and CNA's and PCA's that make nurses' jobs a touch easier and less hectic since we are the grunts of the floor.

Yes, I have a great sense of belonging.

But will they let me belong?

being

So this is the umpteeth time, I'm starting a blog. I don't know where this is going to get me, but it's  a start. Like the corny saying "A journey begins with the first step" and I don't even know if I got that quote right. So I've decided to start a blog as always late as ever, way long after people have been making money from this, and may I ask "how do they do that?"

So here I am trying to hone my writing skills that I've probably left behind for about 20 some odd years and trying to get my thoughts down in some sort of adult manner having lost all my vocabulary skills and use of really big words. I can't believe my reading and math skills are far below grade 5. I'd probably become semi famous for oh, about 1 second for having a 5th. grader beat me on some game show!!

I guess to be able to write in a manner becoming to me, I should be reading books geared for my age group which is now 40- 50 year olds. Talk about boring, political, weather channel, CNN watching reading. But I'm just not that person. I don't like CNN, the weather channel, I don't watch the news, except entainment tonight, I am not interested in which mortage company makes what money, which stock is going up (even though secretly I wish I was an investor since I kinda like to have loads of money). I  am not even interested in fashion, house and home, gardening or any kind of self help. I'm probably the world's worse motivator, actually strike that, I can motivate people or rather kids I  think.

People seem to think that I help them put things in perspective and I do to some extent, but who's there to put things in perspective for me? The three cats  and five kids that are ready to eat me out of house and home??!!!

My five kids and 1 husband are the underlining reason for this blog.

I NEED TO VENT SOMETIMES.