Michael Lamendola's Blog, page 2
March 10, 2011
Kon’nichiwa Asuka II Part Fourteen – Fondling Marsupials
Yes, I am alive and safe. We had left Yokohama at 2PM, and were in open water when the earthquake hit. I was forward on deck 6, rehearsing in the theatre, when it happened. The whole ship shook like crazy, and none of us really knew what was going on. Had an engine popped? No, this isn't the Dream... Then we started getting the news... whoa. Fortunately, we were south enough of the epicenter to not be affected by the tsunami that followed. As I write this, we are a couple hours away from Kobe, where I expect it'll be business as usual... now on to the blog...
At the moment the Asuka II is surrounded by mostly water, as little mountainous islands pass by in the distance at eighteen knots. We’re almost two sea days into our six day journey to Guam, after which we’ll have another three sea days to endure before finally getting back to Japan. Yeah, sea days… lots of ‘em make up this cruise. How many? Well, let’s break down Asuka II’s Oceania Itinerary by ports of call:
YOKOHAMA – 1/31/2011 (Embarkation) KOBE – 2/1/2011 (Embarkation) SAIPAN – 2/5/2011 CAIRNS, AUSTRALIA – 2/11 & 2/12/2011 (Overnight) SYDNEY, AUSTRALIA – 2/15 & 2/16/2011 (Overnight) HOBART, TASMANIA – 2/18/2011 CHRIST CHURCH, NEW ZEALAND – 2/23/2011 (Cancelled) AUCKLAND, NEW ZEALAND – 2/24** & 2/25/2011 (Overnight) NOUMEA, NEW CALDONIA – 2/28/2011 GUAM – 3/7/2011 YOKOHAMA – 3/11/2011 (Disembarkation) KOBE – 3/12/2011 (Disembarkation) (**2/24 - we arrived at Auckland at 9 pm, one day early because of the Christ Church cancellation)
Not including the embarking and disembarking ports, the Oceania cruise lasts 37 days. Of those 37 days, my feet touched dry land a total of 10 unique days, leaving 27 days at sea. Or, to put it another way, one day shy of the equivalent of February is spent at sea. Wow… of course, I am not complaining (much). In the grand scheme of things, I could be doing nothing while not earning a paycheck, but as it stands, I am somehow making a living watching the water chug by.
So, what do all those days at sea look like? Pretty much like what you would expect…
It can be quite majestic at times, to look out at an endless ocean, and understand that stretching beyond my field of vision are a thousand more miles of the same. Other times, however, it can feel a pinch monotonous. Anyway, during all these sea days I’ve done a ton of reading, taking advantage of my Ipod’s ability to read books through Amazon’s Kindle App (which you can also use to read my swanky new novel, DIRTY WORK). I’ve also been able to devote even more time to killing myself in the gym, as well as working my way through the complete series of Mystery Science Theatre 3000.
Still, there are other things to occupy my time amidst all these sea days, like getting beans thrown at me… really. Called “Setubun,” the Japanese purge themselves of evil spirits by throwing dry beans at grown men wearing grass skirts and devil masks.
Literally… grass skirts and devil masks. So, I make my way among the pax while they throw beans at me and giggle. Once I feel like I’ve absorbed enough punishment, my job is to collapse on the ground and die. And, although not instructed to do so, I felt it was my obligation to repeat the phrase “Ooga Booga.” I mean, it would be rude not too… First person perspective just below:
But hell, who cares about beans?! Make with the kangaroos!
Here I am lounging with a kangaroo in Hobart, Tasmania (that little island off the south-east end of Australia). About half an hour’s bus ride from the dock brought me to what is essentially an Australian petting zoo, and roaming free within the fences are a bunch of kangaroos of all sizes. You can pet them, feed them (call them George if so inclined), and basically interrupt their otherwise peaceful day by constantly demanding their attention to shove dry dog food into their mouth and fondle their chest. Oh well, that’s the food chain for ya. Here’s another photo:
Really, most of these guys either tried to get away from the constant attention, or just resigned themselves to being overfed and groped. But, holy cow, I can touch me a kangaroo! Wait a second… I can touch me a koala bear too?
American zoos would lead you to believe that touching a koala bear is not only illegal, but a single atom of human oil would devastate the eight koalas left in the Northern Hemisphere; the koala laws of Australia are a little more slack. So, yeah, I touched me a koala bear… and it was awesome.
One animal I did not touch was the Tasmanian Devil.
Let me be frank: these things may look cute, but they sound like mean little bastards. Honestly, Mel Blanc was not that far off. Here are some fun facts about Tasmanian Devil.
The back teeth create a ton of pressure per square inch (that’s 5 times more than a pit bull) They can eat 40% of their body weight in one sitting (typically 4.5 pounds) They are scavengers, and can smell a tasty carcass from over a mile away Supposedly, there have been no reports of a human being attacked Still, if I was in the outback and I heard one of these suckers, I’d hide in a kangaroo’s pouch…
The name certainly fits the animal.
One week before Hobart, I was in another little town called Cairns. I believe Cairns made the news getting struck by a big damn typhoon just days before we got there, but everything seemed to be okay once we arrived. Once there, I took a trip into the rain forest and got to see a great big waterfall.
After taking in the grandeur of mother nature, it was back to reality…
Imagine the look in your loved one’s eyes when you come back from the land down under with a kangaroo paw flipping the bird or a bottle opener made from its balls. These gifts not only inspire love, but are made with a pinch of it as well.
But, back on board the globe-trotting Asuka II, there’s no time to use animal testicles to open a bottle of Sapporo… no sir! We’ve got shows to do! Now, my long time readers will recall that I once did the math regarding a typical work week’s hours on board the Norwegian Dream. With two performances of three shows, including a rehearsal for each, as well as a brief welcome aboard show, I typically clocked in about 14 hours per week. Let’s see how that compares to the Asuka II’s Oceania Cruise:
Including the embark and disembark ports (There are two on each end), the cruise lasts 41 days. The Production cast has six shows under its belt, two of which are shorter than your typical 45 minute show (which the other four are). Since it had been awhile since we’d performed any of these shows, we also rehearsed them once before the actual performance… let’s say each rehearsal clocked in at 90 minutes. Finally, we perform each show twice on the performance night. Okay, time to bust out your Texas Instruments TI80 Graphing Calculator:
6 rehearsals * 90 minutes = 540 minutes (4 shows @ 45 minutes) * 2 performances each = 360 minutes (1 show @ 30 minutes) * 2 performances = 60 minutes (1 show @ 17 minutes) * 2 performances = 34 minutes GRAND TOTAL = 994 MINUTES, OR 16.5 HOURS… IN 41 DAYS Keep in mind I am not counting participating in organized passenger activities such as Setubun, talent shows, or the equator crossing, as these events required very little preparation on my part. And while I do count singing in sequins as work, getting pie thrown in my face is strictly pro bono. Yeah, pie…
You see, we had another deck party, this time celebrating Asuka II’s passage from the Northern to the Southern Hemisphere (where, as we learned, animal groping laws are far more lenient). In order to celebrate, we put war paint on our faces and grass skirts on our bodies. While mingling with the pax, I noticed a bunch of cream pies lining the pool. I didn’t think anything of it until I came face to face with one, then another… now that I am able to compare, I much prefer beans. So, there I stood, covered in meringue, getting picture after picture taken with the grinning passengers (because, let’s face it, they get to say that they threw pie on their vacation). Oh, and the sun burn has nothing to do with the pies. Funny thing, it didn’t dawn on me that lying out for a quick 30 minutes, while crossing the equator, would leave behind nothing but scorched earth. MFA in Musical Theatre, friends…
But, before the deck party, we had a little private concert of our own:
And speaking of concerts, the Asuka II also made land in Sydney, Australia. While we were there, the production cast had the esteemed honor of performing alongside a full symphony orchestra at the historical Sydney Town Hall. The passengers were dressed to the kyuus, and much of the staff was also in attendance for this special event. So, inside a hundred and twenty year old concert hall, while a backdrop of stars glistened in the night sky, I utilized every ounce of training and stage experience for this, my Australian debut:
To this day I get a little misty… sometimes I don’t know how I do it.
But land is so stagnant and un-liquid-like… make with more sea days!!!
Here we are passing through the Fjords of New Zealand. It was raining pretty much the whole time we were there, but it was a pleasant break from the endless sea we were used to. As we passed through, the captain would come on the intercom and tell us all about the scenery. I would tell you everything I heard, but since it was all in Japanese, all I can say is “banana banana banana,” which is exactly how you say it in Japanese. Apple, on the other hand, is “Ringo.” Yeah, like the Beatle.
And speaking of New Zealand, one day before we were to arrive in a little place called Christ Church the city was rocked by an earthquake (six point something). I believe it was late last year when the city had another earthquake topping seven on the Richter Scale. Had we been there a day early, I can guarantee you many passengers, and probably myself, would have been inside the church or a museum when it hit… yikes. Anyway, deciding it would be best to skip the port, we set a course for Auckland, arriving half a day early.
Having an extra night on our hands, we did the usual “hanging out and not returning to the ship until we absolutely had to” routine. The next day, however, I hiked up a volcano.
Not much to say about it… Called Rangitoto island, geologists believe it erupted 600 years ago, and they are pretty sure it’s now dormant. As for me, I took a ferry to get there, hiked to the top, looked at the view, then hiked down.
The rest of the day was spent exploring the city. I took in the view from the top of the sky needle, visited a casino… oh, I did see one thing worth mentioning.
At first blush, you may not see anything wrong with this picture, but look a little closer. See that boy with one Friendship Gem? Now look at the floozie to his left… I see at least SEVEN Friendship Gems. Hey kid, she ain’t worth it… obviously she’s got “friends” all over town… that hussie.
Oh, and then there were more sea days… but guess what? I met me a real live sumo wrestler!
Sumo wrestlers in Japan aren’t like your athletes in The States. While people like Kobe Bryant are pretty much known for their athletic skills (okay, that was a terrible example), sumo wrestlers are usually trained in singing, poetry, dance… not only are they athletes, but also artists. Many of them go on to have a second career once they hang up their Sumo pants, like my friend Daishi here. He was onboard as a singing guest entertainer, and was a really cool guy to hang out with too. But just how much does a sumo wrestler weigh? Welp, his retired weight is 321 pounds… his fighting weight, on the other hand, was 383 pounds… It’s a relief to know a guy that big likes you. So, what do you do when you’re hanging out with sumo wrestlers?
Sing Karaoke! What I’m holding in my hand is the Karaoke songbook… looks more like a phone book, don’t it? At first I couldn’t believe there are actually that many songs to sing. Then I realize the songs are listed in Japanese, Chinese, English, and Tagalong. Still, on more than one occasion I found myself looking for a plumber, vinyl siding repairman, and a good DUI attorney.
Finally, after some more sea days, I visited Numea, a city on the island of New Caledonia. Again, not much to say… since I went to the beach and chilled out.
The only thing worth mentioning here is that if you listen real close, you’ll hear French. New Caledonia was a French settlement back in the day, and it’ll catch you off guard when you’re lying on the beach and you hear someone who sounds exactly like Maurice Chevalier jingle a pocket full of Francs as they pass by.
It’s late in the evening now as I finish up this blog. Tonight we have a mooring deck party to celebrate Asuka’s 5th birthday (or 20th, if you count the fact that she was originally christened as the Crystal Symphony back in 1991). We still have four more days to go before hitting Guam, then three more to get back to the land of seaweed and sake. Speaking of food, I’ll soon have a blog dedicated to nothing but, so stay tuned.
Keep on Livin’ The Dream,
Michael Lamendola
(Taking in the Sydney Opera House)
Oh, and PS: “The Groping Marsupials” is my new band.
Kon'nichiwa Asuka II Part Fourteen – Fondling Marsupials
***3/12/2011***
Yes, I am alive and safe. We had left Yokohama at 2PM, and were in open water when the earthquake hit. I was forward on deck 6, rehearsing in the theatre, when it happened. The whole ship shook like crazy, and none of us really knew what was going on. Had an engine popped? No, this isn't the Dream... Then we started getting the news... whoa. Fortunately, we were south enough of the epicenter to be affected by the tsunami that followed. As I write this, we are a couple hours away from Kobe, where I expect it'll be business as usual... now on to the blog...
At the moment the Asuka II is surrounded by mostly water, as little mountainous islands pass by in the distance at eighteen knots. We're almost two sea days into our six day journey to Guam, after which we'll have another three sea days to endure before finally getting back to Japan. Yeah, sea days… lots of 'em make up this cruise. How many? Well, let's break down Asuka II's Oceania Itinerary by ports of call:
YOKOHAMA – 1/31/2011 (Embarkation) KOBE – 2/1/2011 (Embarkation) SAIPAN – 2/5/2011 CAIRNS, AUSTRALIA – 2/11 & 2/12/2011 (Overnight) SYDNEY, AUSTRALIA – 2/15 & 2/16/2011 (Overnight) HOBART, TASMANIA – 2/18/2011 CHRIST CHURCH, NEW ZEALAND – 2/23/2011 (Cancelled) AUCKLAND, NEW ZEALAND – 2/24** & 2/25/2011 (Overnight) NOUMEA, NEW CALDONIA – 2/28/2011 GUAM – 3/7/2011 YOKOHAMA – 3/11/2011 (Disembarkation) KOBE – 3/12/2011 (Disembarkation)(**2/24 - we arrived at Auckland at 9 pm, one day early because of the Christ Church cancellation)
Not including the embarking and disembarking ports, the Oceania cruise lasts 37 days. Of those 37 days, my feet touched dry land a total of 10 unique days, leaving 27 days at sea. Or, to put it another way, one day shy of the equivalent of February is spent at sea. Wow… of course, I am not complaining (much). In the grand scheme of things, I could be doing nothing while not earning a paycheck, but as it stands, I am somehow making a living watching the water chug by.
So, what do all those days at sea look like? Pretty much like what you would expect…
It can be quite majestic at times, to look out at an endless ocean, and understand that stretching beyond my field of vision are a thousand more miles of the same. Other times, however, it can feel a pinch monotonous. Anyway, during all these sea days I've done a ton of reading, taking advantage of my Ipod's ability to read books through Amazon's Kindle App (which you can also use to read my swanky new novel, DIRTY WORK). I've also been able to devote even more time to killing myself in the gym, as well as working my way through the complete series of Mystery Science Theatre 3000.
Still, there are other things to occupy my time amidst all these sea days, like getting beans thrown at me… really. Called "Setubun," the Japanese purge themselves of evil spirits by throwing dry beans at grown men wearing grass skirts and devil masks.
Literally… grass skirts and devil masks. So, I make my way among the pax while they throw beans at me and giggle. Once I feel like I've absorbed enough punishment, my job is to collapse on the ground and die. And, although not instructed to do so, I felt it was my obligation to repeat the phrase "Ooga Booga." I mean, it would be rude not too… First person perspective just below:
But hell, who cares about beans?! Make with the kangaroos!
Here I am lounging with a kangaroo in Hobart, Tasmania (that little island off the south-east end of Australia). About half an hour's bus ride from the dock brought me to what is essentially an Australian petting zoo, and roaming free within the fences are a bunch of kangaroos of all sizes. You can pet them, feed them (call them George if so inclined), and basically interrupt their otherwise peaceful day by constantly demanding their attention to shove dry dog food into their mouth and fondle their chest. Oh well, that's the food chain for ya. Here's another photo:
Really, most of these guys either tried to get away from the constant attention, or just resigned themselves to being overfed and groped. But, holy cow, I can touch me a kangaroo! Wait a second… I can touch me a koala bear too?
American zoos would lead you to believe that touching a koala bear is not only illegal, but a single atom of human oil would devastate the eight koalas left in the Northern Hemisphere; the koala laws of Australia are a little more slack. So, yeah, I touched me a koala bear… and it was awesome.
One animal I did not touch was the Tasmanian Devil.
Let me be frank: these things may look cute, but they sound like mean little bastards. Honestly, Mel Blanc was not that far off. Here are some fun facts about Tasmanian Devil.
The back teeth create a ton of pressure per square inch (that's 5 times more than a pit bull) They can eat 40% of their body weight in one sitting (typically 4.5 pounds) They are scavengers, and can smell a tasty carcass from over a mile away Supposedly, there have been no reports of a human being attackedStill, if I was in the outback and I heard one of these suckers, I'd hide in a kangaroo's pouch…
The name certainly fits the animal.
One week before Hobart, I was in another little town called Cairns. I believe Cairns made the news getting struck by a big damn typhoon just days before we got there, but everything seemed to be okay once we arrived. Once there, I took a trip into the rain forest and got to see a great big waterfall.
After taking in the grandeur of mother nature, it was back to reality…
Imagine the look in your loved one's eyes when you come back from the land down under with a kangaroo paw flipping the bird or a bottle opener made from its balls. These gifts not only inspire love, but are made with a pinch of it as well.
But, back on board the globe-trotting Asuka II, there's no time to use animal testicles to open a bottle of Sapporo… no sir! We've got shows to do! Now, my long time readers will recall that I once did the math regarding a typical work week's hours on board the Norwegian Dream. With two performances of three shows, including a rehearsal for each, as well as a brief welcome aboard show, I typically clocked in about 14 hours per week. Let's see how that compares to the Asuka II's Oceania Cruise:
Including the embark and disembark ports (There are two on each end), the cruise lasts 41 days. The Production cast has six shows under its belt, two of which are shorter than your typical 45 minute show (which the other four are). Since it had been awhile since we'd performed any of these shows, we also rehearsed them once before the actual performance… let's say each rehearsal clocked in at 90 minutes. Finally, we perform each show twice on the performance night. Okay, time to bust out your Texas Instruments TI80 Graphing Calculator:
6 rehearsals * 90 minutes = 540 minutes (4 shows @ 45 minutes) * 2 performances each = 360 minutes (1 show @ 30 minutes) * 2 performances = 60 minutes (1 show @ 17 minutes) * 2 performances = 34 minutes GRAND TOTAL = 994 MINUTES, OR 16.5 HOURS… IN 41 DAYSKeep in mind I am not counting participating in organized passenger activities such as Setubun, talent shows, or the equator crossing, as these events required very little preparation on my part. And while I do count singing in sequins as work, getting pie thrown in my face is strictly pro bono. Yeah, pie…
You see, we had another deck party, this time celebrating Asuka II's passage from the Northern to the Southern Hemisphere (where, as we learned, animal groping laws are far more lenient). In order to celebrate, we put war paint on our faces and grass skirts on our bodies. While mingling with the pax, I noticed a bunch of cream pies lining the pool. I didn't think anything of it until I came face to face with one, then another… now that I am able to compare, I much prefer beans. So, there I stood, covered in meringue, getting picture after picture taken with the grinning passengers (because, let's face it, they get to say that they threw pie on their vacation). Oh, and the sun burn has nothing to do with the pies. Funny thing, it didn't dawn on me that lying out for a quick 30 minutes, while crossing the equator, would leave behind nothing but scorched earth. MFA in Musical Theatre, friends…
But, before the deck party, we had a little private concert of our own:
And speaking of concerts, the Asuka II also made land in Sydney, Australia. While we were there, the production cast had the esteemed honor of performing alongside a full symphony orchestra at the historical Sydney Town Hall. The passengers were dressed to the kyuus, and much of the staff was also in attendance for this special event. So, inside a hundred and twenty year old concert hall, while a backdrop of stars glistened in the night sky, I utilized every ounce of training and stage experience for this, my Australian debut:
To this day I get a little misty… sometimes I don't know how I do it.
But land is so stagnant and un-liquid-like… make with more sea days!!!
Here we are passing through the Fjords of New Zealand. It was raining pretty much the whole time we were there, but it was a pleasant break from the endless sea we were used to. As we passed through, the captain would come on the intercom and tell us all about the scenery. I would tell you everything I heard, but since it was all in Japanese, all I can say is "banana banana banana," which is exactly how you say it in Japanese. Apple, on the other hand, is "Ringo." Yeah, like the Beatle.
And speaking of New Zealand, one day before we were to arrive in a little place called Christ Church the city was rocked by an earthquake (six point something). I believe it was late last year when the city had another earthquake topping seven on the Richter Scale. Had we been there a day early, I can guarantee you many passengers, and probably myself, would have been inside the church or a museum when it hit… yikes. Anyway, deciding it would be best to skip the port, we set a course for Auckland, arriving half a day early.
Having an extra night on our hands, we did the usual "hanging out and not returning to the ship until we absolutely had to" routine. The next day, however, I hiked up a volcano.
Not much to say about it… Called Rangitoto island, geologists believe it erupted 600 years ago, and they are pretty sure it's now dormant. As for me, I took a ferry to get there, hiked to the top, looked at the view, then hiked down.
The rest of the day was spent exploring the city. I took in the view from the top of the sky needle, visited a casino… oh, I did see one thing worth mentioning.
At first blush, you may not see anything wrong with this picture, but look a little closer. See that boy with one Friendship Gem? Now look at the floozie to his left… I see at least SEVEN Friendship Gems. Hey kid, she ain't worth it… obviously she's got "friends" all over town… that hussie.
Oh, and then there were more sea days… but guess what? I met me a real live sumo wrestler!
Sumo wrestlers in Japan aren't like your athletes in The States. While people like Kobe Bryant are pretty much known for their athletic skills (okay, that was a terrible example), sumo wrestlers are usually trained in singing, poetry, dance… not only are they athletes, but also artists. Many of them go on to have a second career once they hang up their Sumo pants, like my friend Daishi here. He was onboard as a singing guest entertainer, and was a really cool guy to hang out with too. But just how much does a sumo wrestler weigh? Welp, his retired weight is 321 pounds… his fighting weight, on the other hand, was 383 pounds… It's a relief to know a guy that big likes you. So, what do you do when you're hanging out with sumo wrestlers?
Sing Karaoke! What I'm holding in my hand is the Karaoke songbook… looks more like a phone book, don't it? At first I couldn't believe there are actually that many songs to sing. Then I realize the songs are listed in Japanese, Chinese, English, and Tagalong. Still, on more than one occasion I found myself looking for a plumber, vinyl siding repairman, and a good DUI attorney.
Finally, after some more sea days, I visited Numea, a city on the island of New Caledonia. Again, not much to say… since I went to the beach and chilled out.
The only thing worth mentioning here is that if you listen real close, you'll hear French. New Caledonia was a French settlement back in the day, and it'll catch you off guard when you're lying on the beach and you hear someone who sounds exactly like Maurice Chevalier jingle a pocket full of Francs as they pass by.
It's late in the evening now as I finish up this blog. Tonight we have a mooring deck party to celebrate Asuka's 5th birthday (or 20th, if you count the fact that she was originally christened as the Crystal Symphony back in 1991). We still have four more days to go before hitting Guam, then three more to get back to the land of seaweed and sake. Speaking of food, I'll soon have a blog dedicated to nothing but, so stay tuned.
Keep on Livin' The Dream,
Michael Lamendola
(Taking in the Sydney Opera House)
Oh, and PS: "The Groping Marsupials" is my new band.
January 29, 2011
Kon���nichiwa Asuka II Part Thirteen - A Fifty Mile Radius
At the moment the Asuka II is somewhere just outside of Yokohama, getting her feet wet for the first time in almost three weeks. You see, from January 11th until the 27th, we called Mitsubishi Dry Dock home, and the Asuka II was literally a fish out of water.
So, during this time what is usually a luxury cruiser is taken down to her studs for an overhaul. Inside, everything floor to ceiling is covered in plastic, and outside several huge cranes are constantly loading and off loading tools and equipment. Life on board also changes quite a bit during this period. For one, since there are no passengers to speak of, there���s obviously no reason to perform any of the shows. Other by-products of the complete lack of pax are the disappearance of heat and ventilation, constant drilling that seems to occur right above my cabin, and a water supply that typically operates from the early evening to the early morning. It���s like camping in a cold metal box!
But hey, I had my choice��� I could either fly home (and back) on my own nickel and enjoy a few weeks off back in The States, or I could stay on board the ship, have no responsibilities, the leeway to come and go (mostly) as I please, and oh��� continue to draw one hundred percent of my salary. Monty, I���ll take door number two.
Still, conditions and terms do apply. While I was able to spend consecutive days off the ship, I had to stick within a fifty mile radius. The only reason for this is because, for some reason (and I literally have never been explained why), my Japanese landing pass only allows me to travel those precious 50 miles away from the vessel. Of course, I could travel to Japan on my own, and have access to the whole country, not just 50 miles from the airport, but since I work on the ship, I suppose there���s a greater chance of me trying to steal into their country? I don���t know��� I quit questioning the thought process of my esteemed Japanese officers some time ago. Anyway, here���s what a fifty mile circle looks like:
So, what the hell did yours truly do with all that free time? Quite a bit actually. First order of business was to visit Tokyo. My buddy Steve currently works at Tokyo Disney, singing at the Diamond Horseshoe Review. January is a slow month for him as well, so we had ample time to explore Tokyo and all its neighborhoods. First stop: Tokyo Tower.
Not the tallest tower in Tokyo, but still a mind numbing 332.5 meters (1,091 feet) above the earth, with two observatories, the highest at 250 meters (820 feet). The view from the top is what you would expect, but still, it would be rude of me not to share at least one shot���
I think that sliver of a tower in the distance is taller, but I never got the chance to go up it. So yeah, the tower was what you would normally expect. It���s when you get back down that things surprise you��� or maybe not. If you���ll recall from my blog about Shanghai, you���ll remember that the Orient Pearl tower had an arcade and an indoor roller coaster. So what does the orange and white, Eiffel tower inspired Japanese structure have that China don���t?
One ugly collection of wax statues. Not affiliated with Madame Tussauds, these statues look like play-dough sponsored the whole thing. Shown above is the rag tag bunch of Ghandi, Mother Teresa, Lady Diana (complete with welding mask and apron that protects her junk), and Anne Frank. Draw the parallels if you like, but if you were to play the ���one of these things is not like the other��� game then Anne is the odd one out. But the hands down winner for the ugliest statue has to go to Julia Roberts.
Oh��� pretty woman��� the funny thing I just noticed is that she looks more like a hooker here than in the movie. Honorable mention goes to Jodie Foster and Albert Einstein.
But if your idea of fun at an extremely tall tower involves things that go bump in the night, then Tokyo Tower���s got you covered there too! Sort of a dimly lit walk through chamber of horrors (with checkered carpet), one gets to experience what I can only imagine is Japanese folklore come to life via statues that look less like wax and more like paper-m��ch��. Below is my favorite.
I could go on and on about the kid's games, 3D movies made with an Amiga 500, and the seemingly endless collection of classic rock paraphernalia (really), but there are more exciting things to discuss, like���
Sitting butt naked in a pool of naturally heated water surrounded by snow! A long time ago I told y���all about the Grand Spa, our onsen on the Asuka II. That���s an onsen too, but not the traditional outdoor kind. While the major difference here is, of course, one is inside, and one is definitely not, everything else remains the same: wash before you get in, and no bathing suits please.
So, I experienced two of these suckers��� one that could resemble something like a public park, and another a part of a hotel resort. Let���s start with the public onsen. To get there you walk down this snowy path (there���s snow on the ground because it���s ���8 Celsius) to the onsen, which is in a valley at the base of a dam. About a hundred feet away from the hot water pools is an open air shack, with his and hers changing areas, which are barely partitioned by a dividing wall and are more or less visible from almost everywhere else. Still, you���re about to get in a pool naked with a bunch of other people, so modesty is not something you bring along with you. Once you���ve changed into your birthday suit, you wrap yourself in a towel (that you hopefully did bring with you) and briskly walk the stone path to the hot water (bitching is optional, but totally necessary at this point).
Then you sit your frozen ass into the warm water��� ahh��� The water is warm enough to keep you comfortable, but not hot enough to necessitate the in and out game. The pool itself is natural, though part of its structure might be ���man assisted,��� but the heat is definitely all mother nature, as little bubbles were constantly floating up through the cracks of the rocky floor. My onsen mates were mostly men, but also a few women.
That���s the view from the main pool. The pagoda covers a smaller section of the pool, and that orange glow in the upper left is the changing area mentioned earlier. And the white stuff? Snow��� that���s negative eight Celsius.
So, you soak all you want, but eventually you have to drag your now very warm, very comfortable, and very not in the mood to get out, ass back to the changing area to dry off and put on the clothes that are now probably way closer to the freezing temperature than when you got here an hour ago. So, after some self coaching I hold my breath, grab my towel, and quickly trot (but not too quick��� water and rock outside can give way to one cold and bruised ass) back to the changing area (this time, the transitional bitching is mandatory). At this point I am now standing completely wet and naked, steam emanating from every inch of me as I quickly dry off and put my clothes back on. Then I realize something��� I���m not as cold as my mind thinks I am. I slow down a minute and realize I only assumed I���m cold, while in reality I���m not.
Don���t get me wrong, I wasn���t planning on doing some naked snow angels, but I was hot from the inside out, and it would be several minutes before I would really feel the effects of the freezing air around me. It was at this moment that two other guys had gotten out and were changing next to me. One of them looks at me and says ���muscles!��� Not being used to naked onsen changing room banter, I replied ���huh?��� The Japanese dude then squeezes my bicep. ���Muscles! Su goi!��� he says, in a totally heterosexual way. Then I discover hot water and cold air will erase all evidence of body fat. Multiply that with an eight month diet of rice and miso soup���
Right after this picture was taken, I realized my mind wasn���t playing tricks on me��� yeah, it was actually cold outside. A little video, while dark, fills in the gaps:
So, that was a public onsen��� what does a pay to use onsen look like?
This puppy was attached to a hotel in the mountains. Yes, just as cold as the previous, but higher altitude wise, and with a bunch more snow on the ground. Still, the facilities were quite different. This time towels are provided, along with a nifty robe and sandals. Also complimentary are a pair of those funny Japanese socks with a separate compartment for the big toe. And even though my shoe size is considered average in the states, I had quite a bit of trouble fitting my big toe into the small woven space of the sock��� that novelty wore off quick.
So, once you get your robe and sandals on, you trot outside, swap your inside sandals for your outside sandals (it���s how the Japanese roll), and walk a short distance to a snow covered hut on an elevated train track.
Here���s the hut coming up to get me to take me back down to the hotel���
Ride the hut up to the top, and pick from three areas: men���s, women���s, and mixed. Finally, you shuck off your robe and sandals and hop into the onsen.
This one, while still naturally heated, is definitely man made, but only in the sense that someone moved around a bunch of rocks to keep the water in, and built a rustic wooden structure to keep the falling snow from harshing your mellow. This time, the hot water is delivered via a hollowed out log, and the water that pours out is hot. Even though the temperature outside is below freezing, after about ten minutes I needed to stand up to cool off. After making a few snowballs, it was time to soak mine back into the water for another ten minutes. And so it went for my two trips up the mountain at night, and once the following morning. Video proof just below:
The hotel itself was nice as well, but also traditional. For example, this is what my room looked like when I showed up, courtesy of Mr. Blurry Cam:
On the floor is woven bamboo��� the kind you take your shoes off to walk on (and really, I���ve never met the kind that is shoe friendly). There were modern amenities too, like a TV that required yen to turn on, and past the screen was a sitting area with large windows looking out onto the mountains. After returning from dinner, the table and ���chairs��� were replaced by my bed���
The bed itself wasn���t all that bad, but the pillows were strangely filled with the kind of stuff you find in bean bags. It felt like thousands of hard plastic pellets in that pillow case. I suppose that���s not so bad if you sleep on your back, but if you���re a stomach sleeper like me, you���ll be a little uncomfortable. Still, soaking in hot water while surrounded by freezing air does a lot to take it out of you, so those beans could have been plastic or refried... I was out either way.
After my morning soak, it was time for breakfast. Up to now I have enjoyed almost everything I���ve ever eaten in Japan (the bug was in South Korea), but the traditional Japanese mountain breakfast I tried to eat on this particular morning almost did me in.
Let���s go from the upper left hand corner and work our way clockwise��� in the little hot pot, simmering in miso soup, are a bunch of mushrooms, shallots, and other root vegetables. To their right is some brown stuff that I think was pulled from the ground as well, two green beans, a tomato slice, and some minced cabbage. Next to that is a salad with two pieces of ham. In the center is a fish, which you eat whole, with two pieces of soy. Down at the lower right is a pickled plum next to some other vegetable mixes. Down stage center is an onion and sweet bean (atsuki) salad. In the green bowl are more mountain mushrooms���. and finally, and egg! Su goi! Oh wait, I���m supposed to crack it, beat it, and mix it into the vegetables and miso soup to make some sort of scramble��� oh boy. In the end I ate most the fish, and tried everything else. The ham slices were decadent.
So, after my high altitude, warm water cleansing, I decided to visit Mt. Fuji so I can piss all over myself.
This is Eejanaika, one of the roller coasters at Fuji Q, a roller coaster park outside Tokyo. And, true to its title, it sits practically at the base of its namesake. You can breathe in the grandeur of one of Japan���s most recognizable landmarks, but it���s difficult to see it when your blacking out from a mix of greased lightning and greasier bowels. I am not kidding, the Japanese DO NOT mess around with their roller coasters. Wikipedia does it best at describing this beast:
Eejanaika, designed by S&S Arrow, is a "4th Dimension" coaster, a design in which the seats can rotate forward or backward 360 degrees in a controlled spin. This is achieved by having four rails on the track: two of these are running rails while the other two are for spin control. The two rails that control the spin of the seats move up and down relative to the track and spin the seats using a rack and pinion gear mechanism.
Even on the third ride, this thing scared the bejeebes out of me, and once finished gave me the same breathless feeling after getting out of the onsen, except I���m not wearing my pee when I get out of the onsen (not that I do that��� much).
The other big coaster I rode shoots you, in a straight line, to 107 MPH in 1.8 seconds. Basically, you come to Fuji Q, you bring a fresh change or two. Still, when I think back to Fuji Q, it isn���t the coasters I���ll remember���
Seriously, I wear a ten and a half, and if anyone gets these for me, I will learn how to tap dance.
Finally, I went to Tokyo Disney. If you���ve been to Disney Land or World in the States, then you���ve pretty much been to Tokyo Disney (although they also have Tokyo Disney Sea, which I hear is its own beast, with a few recognizable rides like Tower of Terror).
The Enchanted Castle at Tokyo Disneyland.
Since I was there during the off season, some rides were closed for maintenance (like Big Thunder Mountain��� LAME!), but I did ride childhood favorites such as Space Mountain, Splash Mountain, and the Haunted Mansion. Michael Jackson���s Captain EO has also made its triumphant return from 1987, with all that 1987 3D goodness. If you can find it online, you should watch it��� the King of Pop was about as good at acting as the King of Rock and Roll. My favorite picture at the park, however, doesn���t have anything to do with Mickey or Donald���
Ever hear a rumor that the Japanese can, and do, sleep anywhere? They do, and not just on subways and during my shows. This guy was sitting there, sleeping in that exact position, for a few good minutes before my accomplice could get out of the bathroom to hold the camera so I could play a little Simon Says.
Oh, and speaking of subways���
Look, I���m no voyeur, but I just couldn���t help myself. Japanese girls of all ages love to look cute (Kuaii!), and do so by wearing shorty shorts or skirts with knee high socks or dark hose, even in the middle of winter. Here, however, cute went and threw up Chantilly lace and doll house wall paper all over these two. At first, I thought the girl on the left���s teddy bears were sewn on to the jacket, but nope, she���s just holding them there. Supposedly these two bears are the newest characters at Tokyo Disney, and since this picture was taken I���ve seen several other girls clutching bears just like this. Even though I still suck at putting an age to the Japanese, especially the women, I put these two between 18 and 20��� that���s ONE DIGIT more than a normal person would possess to wear something like this��� wow.
But, every vacation has to come to an end. As I finish this installment, I rest easy as the heat gently wafts from my vent to fill my room, drying me off after a shower I took sometime around 10:30 AM. We���re sitting back at Osanbashi pier in Yokohama, waiting for the passengers to arrive. Then we���ll embark on a five week cruise to Australia. Yep, I���m taking a break from Sake and Shimizu for some Sun and Sydney. But don���t get too jealous��� here���s the reality: 10 out of 38 days will actually see me stepping foot on dry land. That leaves 28 glorious days at sea to ponder life���s great mysteries, like why the wealthy Japanese don���t just fly to Australia.
Keep on Livin��� The Dream,
Michael Lamendola
(Enjoying an onsen and the fresh Japanese mountain air)
Kon’nichiwa Asuka II Part Thirteen - A Fifty Mile Radius
At the moment the Asuka II is somewhere just outside of Yokohama, getting her feet wet for the first time in almost three weeks. You see, from January 11th until the 27th, we called Mitsubishi Dry Dock home, and the Asuka II was literally a fish out of water.
So, during this time what is usually a luxury cruiser is taken down to her studs for an overhaul. Inside, everything floor to ceiling is covered in plastic, and outside several huge cranes are constantly loading and off loading tools and equipment. Life on board also changes quite a bit during this period. For one, since there are no passengers to speak of, there’s obviously no reason to perform any of the shows. Other by-products of the complete lack of pax are the disappearance of heat and ventilation, constant drilling that seems to occur right above my cabin, and a water supply that typically operates from the early evening to the early morning. It’s like camping in a cold metal box!
But hey, I had my choice… I could either fly home (and back) on my own nickel and enjoy a few weeks off back in The States, or I could stay on board the ship, have no responsibilities, the leeway to come and go (mostly) as I please, and oh… continue to draw one hundred percent of my salary. Monty, I’ll take door number two.
Still, conditions and terms do apply. While I was able to spend consecutive days off the ship, I had to stick within a fifty mile radius. The only reason for this is because, for some reason (and I literally have never been explained why), my Japanese landing pass only allows me to travel those precious 50 miles away from the vessel. Of course, I could travel to Japan on my own, and have access to the whole country, not just 50 miles from the airport, but since I work on the ship, I suppose there’s a greater chance of me trying to steal into their country? I don’t know… I quit questioning the thought process of my esteemed Japanese officers some time ago. Anyway, here’s what a fifty mile circle looks like:
So, what the hell did yours truly do with all that free time? Quite a bit actually. First order of business was to visit Tokyo. My buddy Steve currently works at Tokyo Disney, singing at the Diamond Horseshoe Review. January is a slow month for him as well, so we had ample time to explore Tokyo and all its neighborhoods. First stop: Tokyo Tower.
Not the tallest tower in Tokyo, but still a mind numbing 332.5 meters (1,091 feet) above the earth, with two observatories, the highest at 250 meters (820 feet). The view from the top is what you would expect, but still, it would be rude of me not to share at least one shot…
I think that sliver of a tower in the distance is taller, but I never got the chance to go up it. So yeah, the tower was what you would normally expect. It’s when you get back down that things surprise you… or maybe not. If you’ll recall from my blog about Shanghai, you’ll remember that the Orient Pearl tower had an arcade and an indoor roller coaster. So what does the orange and white, Eiffel tower inspired Japanese structure have that China don’t?
One ugly collection of wax statues. Not affiliated with Madame Tussauds, these statues look like play-dough sponsored the whole thing. Shown above is the rag tag bunch of Ghandi, Mother Teresa, Lady Diana (complete with welding mask and apron that protects her junk), and Anne Frank. Draw the parallels if you like, but if you were to play the “one of these things is not like the other” game then Anne is the odd one out. But the hands down winner for the ugliest statue has to go to Julia Roberts.
Oh… pretty woman… the funny thing I just noticed is that she looks more like a hooker here than in the movie. Honorable mention goes to Jodie Foster and Albert Einstein.
But if your idea of fun at an extremely tall tower involves things that go bump in the night, then Tokyo Tower’s got you covered there too! Sort of a dimly lit walk through chamber of horrors (with checkered carpet), one gets to experience what I can only imagine is Japanese folklore come to life via statues that look less like wax and more like paper-mâché. Below is my favorite.
I could go on and on about the kid's games, 3D movies made with an Amiga 500, and the seemingly endless collection of classic rock paraphernalia (really), but there are more exciting things to discuss, like…
Sitting butt naked in a pool of naturally heated water surrounded by snow! A long time ago I told y’all about the Grand Spa, our onsen on the Asuka II. That’s an onsen too, but not the traditional outdoor kind. While the major difference here is, of course, one is inside, and one is definitely not, everything else remains the same: wash before you get in, and no bathing suits please.
So, I experienced two of these suckers… one that could resemble something like a public park, and another a part of a hotel resort. Let’s start with the public onsen. To get there you walk down this snowy path (there’s snow on the ground because it’s –8 Celsius) to the onsen, which is in a valley at the base of a dam. About a hundred feet away from the hot water pools is an open air shack, with his and hers changing areas, which are barely partitioned by a dividing wall and are more or less visible from almost everywhere else. Still, you’re about to get in a pool naked with a bunch of other people, so modesty is not something you bring along with you. Once you’ve changed into your birthday suit, you wrap yourself in a towel (that you hopefully did bring with you) and briskly walk the stone path to the hot water (bitching is optional, but totally necessary at this point).
Then you sit your frozen ass into the warm water… ahh… The water is warm enough to keep you comfortable, but not hot enough to necessitate the in and out game. The pool itself is natural, though part of its structure might be “man assisted,” but the heat is definitely all mother nature, as little bubbles were constantly floating up through the cracks of the rocky floor. My onsen mates were mostly men, but also a few women.
That’s the view from the main pool. The pagoda covers a smaller section of the pool, and that orange glow in the upper left is the changing area mentioned earlier. And the white stuff? Snow… that’s negative eight Celsius.
So, you soak all you want, but eventually you have to drag your now very warm, very comfortable, and very not in the mood to get out, ass back to the changing area to dry off and put on the clothes that are now probably way closer to the freezing temperature than when you got here an hour ago. So, after some self coaching I hold my breath, grab my towel, and quickly trot (but not too quick… water and rock outside can give way to one cold and bruised ass) back to the changing area (this time, the transitional bitching is mandatory). At this point I am now standing completely wet and naked, steam emanating from every inch of me as I quickly dry off and put my clothes back on. Then I realize something… I’m not as cold as my mind thinks I am. I slow down a minute and realize I only assumed I’m cold, while in reality I’m not.
Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t planning on doing some naked snow angels, but I was hot from the inside out, and it would be several minutes before I would really feel the effects of the freezing air around me. It was at this moment that two other guys had gotten out and were changing next to me. One of them looks at me and says “muscles!” Not being used to naked onsen changing room banter, I replied “huh?” The Japanese dude then squeezes my bicep. “Muscles! Su goi!” he says, in a totally heterosexual way. Then I discover hot water and cold air will erase all evidence of body fat. Multiply that with an eight month diet of rice and miso soup…
Right after this picture was taken, I realized my mind wasn’t playing tricks on me… yeah, it was actually cold outside. A little video, while dark, fills in the gaps:
So, that was a public onsen… what does a pay to use onsen look like?
This puppy was attached to a hotel in the mountains. Yes, just as cold as the previous, but higher altitude wise, and with a bunch more snow on the ground. Still, the facilities were quite different. This time towels are provided, along with a nifty robe and sandals. Also complimentary are a pair of those funny Japanese socks with a separate compartment for the big toe. And even though my shoe size is considered average in the states, I had quite a bit of trouble fitting my big toe into the small woven space of the sock… that novelty wore off quick.
So, once you get your robe and sandals on, you trot outside, swap your inside sandals for your outside sandals (it’s how the Japanese roll), and walk a short distance to a snow covered hut on an elevated train track.
Here’s the hut coming up to get me to take me back down to the hotel…
Ride the hut up to the top, and pick from three areas: men’s, women’s, and mixed. Finally, you shuck off your robe and sandals and hop into the onsen.
This one, while still naturally heated, is definitely man made, but only in the sense that someone moved around a bunch of rocks to keep the water in, and built a rustic wooden structure to keep the falling snow from harshing your mellow. This time, the hot water is delivered via a hollowed out log, and the water that pours out is hot. Even though the temperature outside is below freezing, after about ten minutes I needed to stand up to cool off. After making a few snowballs, it was time to soak mine back into the water for another ten minutes. And so it went for my two trips up the mountain at night, and once the following morning. Video proof just below:
The hotel itself was nice as well, but also traditional. For example, this is what my room looked like when I showed up, courtesy of Mr. Blurry Cam:
On the floor is woven bamboo… the kind you take your shoes off to walk on (and really, I’ve never met the kind that is shoe friendly). There were modern amenities too, like a TV that required yen to turn on, and past the screen was a sitting area with large windows looking out onto the mountains. After returning from dinner, the table and “chairs” were replaced by my bed…
The bed itself wasn’t all that bad, but the pillows were strangely filled with the kind of stuff you find in bean bags. It felt like thousands of hard plastic pellets in that pillow case. I suppose that’s not so bad if you sleep on your back, but if you’re a stomach sleeper like me, you’ll be a little uncomfortable. Still, soaking in hot water while surrounded by freezing air does a lot to take it out of you, so those beans could have been plastic or refried... I was out either way.
After my morning soak, it was time for breakfast. Up to now I have enjoyed almost everything I’ve ever eaten in Japan (the bug was in South Korea), but the traditional Japanese mountain breakfast I tried to eat on this particular morning almost did me in.
Let’s go from the upper left hand corner and work our way clockwise… in the little hot pot, simmering in miso soup, are a bunch of mushrooms, shallots, and other root vegetables. To their right is some brown stuff that I think was pulled from the ground as well, two green beans, a tomato slice, and some minced cabbage. Next to that is a salad with two pieces of ham. In the center is a fish, which you eat whole, with two pieces of soy. Down at the lower right is a pickled plum next to some other vegetable mixes. Down stage center is an onion and sweet bean (atsuki) salad. In the green bowl are more mountain mushrooms…. and finally, and egg! Su goi! Oh wait, I’m supposed to crack it, beat it, and mix it into the vegetables and miso soup to make some sort of scramble… oh boy. In the end I ate most the fish, and tried everything else. The ham slices were decadent.
So, after my high altitude, warm water cleansing, I decided to visit Mt. Fuji so I can piss all over myself.
This is Eejanaika, one of the roller coasters at Fuji Q, a roller coaster park outside Tokyo. And, true to its title, it sits practically at the base of its namesake. You can breathe in the grandeur of one of Japan’s most recognizable landmarks, but it’s difficult to see it when your blacking out from a mix of greased lightning and greasier bowels. I am not kidding, the Japanese DO NOT mess around with their roller coasters. Wikipedia does it best at describing this beast:
Eejanaika, designed by S&S Arrow, is a "4th Dimension" coaster, a design in which the seats can rotate forward or backward 360 degrees in a controlled spin. This is achieved by having four rails on the track: two of these are running rails while the other two are for spin control. The two rails that control the spin of the seats move up and down relative to the track and spin the seats using a rack and pinion gear mechanism.
Even on the third ride, this thing scared the bejeebes out of me, and once finished gave me the same breathless feeling after getting out of the onsen, except I’m not wearing my pee when I get out of the onsen (not that I do that… much).
The other big coaster I rode shoots you, in a straight line, to 107 MPH in 1.8 seconds. Basically, you come to Fuji Q, you bring a fresh change or two. Still, when I think back to Fuji Q, it isn’t the coasters I’ll remember…
Seriously, I wear a ten and a half, and if anyone gets these for me, I will learn how to tap dance.
Finally, I went to Tokyo Disney. If you’ve been to Disney Land or World in the States, then you’ve pretty much been to Tokyo Disney (although they also have Tokyo Disney Sea, which I hear is its own beast, with a few recognizable rides like Tower of Terror).
The Enchanted Castle at Tokyo Disneyland.
Since I was there during the off season, some rides were closed for maintenance (like Big Thunder Mountain… LAME!), but I did ride childhood favorites such as Space Mountain, Splash Mountain, and the Haunted Mansion. Michael Jackson’s Captain EO has also made its triumphant return from 1987, with all that 1987 3D goodness. If you can find it online, you should watch it… the King of Pop was about as good at acting as the King of Rock and Roll. My favorite picture at the park, however, doesn’t have anything to do with Mickey or Donald…
Ever hear a rumor that the Japanese can, and do, sleep anywhere? They do, and not just on subways and during my shows. This guy was sitting there, sleeping in that exact position, for a few good minutes before my accomplice could get out of the bathroom to hold the camera so I could play a little Simon Says.
Oh, and speaking of subways…
Look, I‘m no voyeur, but I just couldn’t help myself. Japanese girls of all ages love to look cute (Kuaii!), and do so by wearing shorty shorts or skirts with knee high socks or dark hose, even in the middle of winter. Here, however, cute went and threw up Chantilly lace and doll house wall paper all over these two. At first, I thought the girl on the left’s teddy bears were sewn on to the jacket, but nope, she’s just holding them there. Supposedly these two bears are the newest characters at Tokyo Disney, and since this picture was taken I’ve seen several other girls clutching bears just like this. Even though I still suck at putting an age to the Japanese, especially the women, I put these two between 18 and 20… that’s ONE DIGIT more than a normal person would possess to wear something like this… wow.
But, every vacation has to come to an end. As I finish this installment, I rest easy as the heat gently wafts from my vent to fill my room, drying me off after a shower I took sometime around 10:30 AM. We’re sitting back at Osanbashi pier in Yokohama, waiting for the passengers to arrive. Then we’ll embark on a five week cruise to Australia. Yep, I’m taking a break from Sake and Shimizu for some Sun and Sydney. But don’t get too jealous… here’s the reality: 10 out of 38 days will actually see me stepping foot on dry land. That leaves 28 glorious days at sea to ponder life’s great mysteries, like why the wealthy Japanese don’t just fly to Australia.
Keep on Livin’ The Dream,
Michael Lamendola
(Enjoying an onsen and the fresh Japanese mountain air)
Kon'nichiwa Asuka II Part Thirteen - A Fifty Mile Radius
At the moment the Asuka II is somewhere just outside of Yokohama, getting her feet wet for the first time in almost three weeks. You see, from January 11th until the 27th, we called Mitsubishi Dry Dock home, and the Asuka II was literally a fish out of water.
So, during this time what is usually a luxury cruiser is taken down to her studs for an overhaul. Inside, everything floor to ceiling is covered in plastic, and outside several huge cranes are constantly loading and off loading tools and equipment. Life on board also changes quite a bit during this period. For one, since there are no passengers to speak of, there's obviously no reason to perform any of the shows. Other by-products of the complete lack of pax are the disappearance of heat and ventilation, constant drilling that seems to occur right above my cabin, and a water supply that typically operates from the early evening to the early morning. It's like camping in a cold metal box!
But hey, I had my choice… I could either fly home (and back) on my own nickel and enjoy a few weeks off back in The States, or I could stay on board the ship, have no responsibilities, the leeway to come and go (mostly) as I please, and oh… continue to draw one hundred percent of my salary. Monty, I'll take door number two.
Still, conditions and terms do apply. While I was able to spend consecutive days off the ship, I had to stick within a fifty mile radius. The only reason for this is because, for some reason (and I literally have never been explained why), my Japanese landing pass only allows me to travel those precious 50 miles away from the vessel. Of course, I could travel to Japan on my own, and have access to the whole country, not just 50 miles from the airport, but since I work on the ship, I suppose there's a greater chance of me trying to steal into their country? I don't know… I quit questioning the thought process of my esteemed Japanese officers some time ago. Anyway, here's what a fifty mile circle looks like:
So, what the hell did yours truly do with all that free time? Quite a bit actually. First order of business was to visit Tokyo. My buddy Steve currently works at Tokyo Disney, singing at the Diamond Horseshoe Review. January is a slow month for him as well, so we had ample time to explore Tokyo and all its neighborhoods. First stop: Tokyo Tower.
Not the tallest tower in Tokyo, but still a mind numbing 332.5 meters (1,091 feet) above the earth, with two observatories, the highest at 250 meters (820 feet). The view from the top is what you would expect, but still, it would be rude of me not to share at least one shot…
I think that sliver of a tower in the distance is taller, but I never got the chance to go up it. So yeah, the tower was what you would normally expect. It's when you get back down that things surprise you… or maybe not. If you'll recall from my blog about Shanghai, you'll remember that the Orient Pearl tower had an arcade and an indoor roller coaster. So what does the orange and white, Eiffel tower inspired Japanese structure have that China don't?
One ugly collection of wax statues. Not affiliated with Madame Tussauds, these statues look like play-dough sponsored the whole thing. Shown above is the rag tag bunch of Ghandi, Mother Teresa, Lady Diana (complete with welding mask and apron that protects her junk), and Anne Frank. Draw the parallels if you like, but if you were to play the "one of these things is not like the other" game then Anne is the odd one out. But the hands down winner for the ugliest statue has to go to Julia Roberts.
Oh… pretty woman… the funny thing I just noticed is that she looks more like a hooker here than in the movie. Honorable mention goes to Jodie Foster and Albert Einstein.
But if your idea of fun at an extremely tall tower involves things that go bump in the night, then Tokyo Tower's got you covered there too! Sort of a dimly lit walk through chamber of horrors (with checkered carpet), one gets to experience what I can only imagine is Japanese folklore come to life via statues that look less like wax and more like paper-mâché. Below is my favorite.
I could go on and on about the kid's games, 3D movies made with an Amiga 500, and the seemingly endless collection of classic rock paraphernalia (really), but there are more exciting things to discuss, like…
Sitting butt naked in a pool of naturally heated water surrounded by snow! A long time ago I told y'all about the Grand Spa, our onsen on the Asuka II. That's an onsen too, but not the traditional outdoor kind. While the major difference here is, of course, one is inside, and one is definitely not, everything else remains the same: wash before you get in, and no bathing suits please.
So, I experienced two of these suckers… one that could resemble something like a public park, and another a part of a hotel resort. Let's start with the public onsen. To get there you walk down this snowy path (there's snow on the ground because it's –8 Celsius) to the onsen, which is in a valley at the base of a dam. About a hundred feet away from the hot water pools is an open air shack, with his and hers changing areas, which are barely partitioned by a dividing wall and are more or less visible from almost everywhere else. Still, you're about to get in a pool naked with a bunch of other people, so modesty is not something you bring along with you. Once you've changed into your birthday suit, you wrap yourself in a towel (that you hopefully did bring with you) and briskly walk the stone path to the hot water (bitching is optional, but totally necessary at this point).
Then you sit your frozen ass into the warm water… ahh… The water is warm enough to keep you comfortable, but not hot enough to necessitate the in and out game. The pool itself is natural, though part of its structure might be "man assisted," but the heat is definitely all mother nature, as little bubbles were constantly floating up through the cracks of the rocky floor. My onsen mates were mostly men, but also a few women.
That's the view from the main pool. The pagoda covers a smaller section of the pool, and that orange glow in the upper left is the changing area mentioned earlier. And the white stuff? Snow… that's negative eight Celsius.
So, you soak all you want, but eventually you have to drag your now very warm, very comfortable, and very not in the mood to get out, ass back to the changing area to dry off and put on the clothes that are now probably way closer to the freezing temperature than when you got here an hour ago. So, after some self coaching I hold my breath, grab my towel, and quickly trot (but not too quick… water and rock outside can give way to one cold and bruised ass) back to the changing area (this time, the transitional bitching is mandatory). At this point I am now standing completely wet and naked, steam emanating from every inch of me as I quickly dry off and put my clothes back on. Then I realize something… I'm not as cold as my mind thinks I am. I slow down a minute and realize I only assumed I'm cold, while in reality I'm not.
Don't get me wrong, I wasn't planning on doing some naked snow angels, but I was hot from the inside out, and it would be several minutes before I would really feel the effects of the freezing air around me. It was at this moment that two other guys had gotten out and were changing next to me. One of them looks at me and says "muscles!" Not being used to naked onsen changing room banter, I replied "huh?" The Japanese dude then squeezes my bicep. "Muscles! Su goi!" he says, in a totally heterosexual way. Then I discover hot water and cold air will erase all evidence of body fat. Multiply that with an eight month diet of rice and miso soup…
Right after this picture was taken, I realized my mind wasn't playing tricks on me… yeah, it was actually cold outside. A little video, while dark, fills in the gaps:
So, that was a public onsen… what does a pay to use onsen look like?
This puppy was attached to a hotel in the mountains. Yes, just as cold as the previous, but higher altitude wise, and with a bunch more snow on the ground. Still, the facilities were quite different. This time towels are provided, along with a nifty robe and sandals. Also complimentary are a pair of those funny Japanese socks with a separate compartment for the big toe. And even though my shoe size is considered average in the states, I had quite a bit of trouble fitting my big toe into the small woven space of the sock… that novelty wore off quick.
So, once you get your robe and sandals on, you trot outside, swap your inside sandals for your outside sandals (it's how the Japanese roll), and walk a short distance to a snow covered hut on an elevated train track.
Here's the hut coming up to get me to take me back down to the hotel…
Ride the hut up to the top, and pick from three areas: men's, women's, and mixed. Finally, you shuck off your robe and sandals and hop into the onsen.
This one, while still naturally heated, is definitely man made, but only in the sense that someone moved around a bunch of rocks to keep the water in, and built a rustic wooden structure to keep the falling snow from harshing your mellow. This time, the hot water is delivered via a hollowed out log, and the water that pours out is hot. Even though the temperature outside is below freezing, after about ten minutes I needed to stand up to cool off. After making a few snowballs, it was time to soak mine back into the water for another ten minutes. And so it went for my two trips up the mountain at night, and once the following morning. Video proof just below:
The hotel itself was nice as well, but also traditional. For example, this is what my room looked like when I showed up, courtesy of Mr. Blurry Cam:
On the floor is woven bamboo… the kind you take your shoes off to walk on (and really, I've never met the kind that is shoe friendly). There were modern amenities too, like a TV that required yen to turn on, and past the screen was a sitting area with large windows looking out onto the mountains. After returning from dinner, the table and "chairs" were replaced by my bed…
The bed itself wasn't all that bad, but the pillows were strangely filled with the kind of stuff you find in bean bags. It felt like thousands of hard plastic pellets in that pillow case. I suppose that's not so bad if you sleep on your back, but if you're a stomach sleeper like me, you'll be a little uncomfortable. Still, soaking in hot water while surrounded by freezing air does a lot to take it out of you, so those beans could have been plastic or refried... I was out either way.
After my morning soak, it was time for breakfast. Up to now I have enjoyed almost everything I've ever eaten in Japan (the bug was in South Korea), but the traditional Japanese mountain breakfast I tried to eat on this particular morning almost did me in.
Let's go from the upper left hand corner and work our way clockwise… in the little hot pot, simmering in miso soup, are a bunch of mushrooms, shallots, and other root vegetables. To their right is some brown stuff that I think was pulled from the ground as well, two green beans, a tomato slice, and some minced cabbage. Next to that is a salad with two pieces of ham. In the center is a fish, which you eat whole, with two pieces of soy. Down at the lower right is a pickled plum next to some other vegetable mixes. Down stage center is an onion and sweet bean (atsuki) salad. In the green bowl are more mountain mushrooms…. and finally, and egg! Su goi! Oh wait, I'm supposed to crack it, beat it, and mix it into the vegetables and miso soup to make some sort of scramble… oh boy. In the end I ate most the fish, and tried everything else. The ham slices were decadent.
So, after my high altitude, warm water cleansing, I decided to visit Mt. Fuji so I can piss all over myself.
This is Eejanaika, one of the roller coasters at Fuji Q, a roller coaster park outside Tokyo. And, true to its title, it sits practically at the base of its namesake. You can breathe in the grandeur of one of Japan's most recognizable landmarks, but it's difficult to see it when your blacking out from a mix of greased lightning and greasier bowels. I am not kidding, the Japanese DO NOT mess around with their roller coasters. Wikipedia does it best at describing this beast:
Eejanaika, designed by S&S Arrow, is a "4th Dimension" coaster, a design in which the seats can rotate forward or backward 360 degrees in a controlled spin. This is achieved by having four rails on the track: two of these are running rails while the other two are for spin control. The two rails that control the spin of the seats move up and down relative to the track and spin the seats using a rack and pinion gear mechanism.
Even on the third ride, this thing scared the bejeebes out of me, and once finished gave me the same breathless feeling after getting out of the onsen, except I'm not wearing my pee when I get out of the onsen (not that I do that… much).
The other big coaster I rode shoots you, in a straight line, to 107 MPH in 1.8 seconds. Basically, you come to Fuji Q, you bring a fresh change or two. Still, when I think back to Fuji Q, it isn't the coasters I'll remember…
Seriously, I wear a ten and a half, and if anyone gets these for me, I will learn how to tap dance.
Finally, I went to Tokyo Disney. If you've been to Disney Land or World in the States, then you've pretty much been to Tokyo Disney (although they also have Tokyo Disney Sea, which I hear is its own beast, with a few recognizable rides like Tower of Terror).
The Enchanted Castle at Tokyo Disneyland.
Since I was there during the off season, some rides were closed for maintenance (like Big Thunder Mountain… LAME!), but I did ride childhood favorites such as Space Mountain, Splash Mountain, and the Haunted Mansion. Michael Jackson's Captain EO has also made its triumphant return from 1987, with all that 1987 3D goodness. If you can find it online, you should watch it… the King of Pop was about as good at acting as the King of Rock and Roll. My favorite picture at the park, however, doesn't have anything to do with Mickey or Donald…
Ever hear a rumor that the Japanese can, and do, sleep anywhere? They do, and not just on subways and during my shows. This guy was sitting there, sleeping in that exact position, for a few good minutes before my accomplice could get out of the bathroom to hold the camera so I could play a little Simon Says.
Oh, and speaking of subways…
Look, I'm no voyeur, but I just couldn't help myself. Japanese girls of all ages love to look cute (Kuaii!), and do so by wearing shorty shorts or skirts with knee high socks or dark hose, even in the middle of winter. Here, however, cute went and threw up Chantilly lace and doll house wall paper all over these two. At first, I thought the girl on the left's teddy bears were sewn on to the jacket, but nope, she's just holding them there. Supposedly these two bears are the newest characters at Tokyo Disney, and since this picture was taken I've seen several other girls clutching bears just like this. Even though I still suck at putting an age to the Japanese, especially the women, I put these two between 18 and 20… that's ONE DIGIT more than a normal person would possess to wear something like this… wow.
But, every vacation has to come to an end. As I finish this installment, I rest easy as the heat gently wafts from my vent to fill my room, drying me off after a shower I took sometime around 10:30 AM. We're sitting back at Osanbashi pier in Yokohama, waiting for the passengers to arrive. Then we'll embark on a five week cruise to Australia. Yep, I'm taking a break from Sake and Shimizu for some Sun and Sydney. But don't get too jealous… here's the reality: 10 out of 38 days will actually see me stepping foot on dry land. That leaves 28 glorious days at sea to ponder life's great mysteries, like why the wealthy Japanese don't just fly to Australia.
Keep on Livin' The Dream,
Michael Lamendola
(Enjoying an onsen and the fresh Japanese mountain air)
January 3, 2011
Kon���nichiwa Asuka II Part Twelve - Your Red Nose is Necessary!
High of 85 in Guam, hotter in Saipan��� life���s a bitch sometimes, ain���t it? And actually, if you are feeling a little glum because your American Christmas was cold and wet, then you only have yourself to blame, because I was in America. Guam and Saipan are tiny American territories left over from WWII. After many months in Japan, it was kind of a surreal experience to be somewhere where I could speak English, spend American dollars, and see cars drive on the right side of the road on their way to Wendy���s, Chili���s, Home Depot, and Ross���
I mean, look at that��� I am in a Ross, where one can dress for less, but if you didn���t know, you���d just expect this picture to be taken anywhere��� but look a little closer. All the people in the store, or outside driving their cars and sharing the sidewalk were all Filipinos, Guamese, or Saipanese (with the exception of the American men and women who are stationed there).
So, I was in Guam on December 30th, and Saipan the following day. All I really did both days was go to the beach and thaw out. That first beach picture up there was in Saipan, which was a little more rough around the edges than Guam��� kind of reminded me of some of the Mexican beaches I���ve seen in the Yucatan. The water, no matter how far out you walked, never got deeper than your waist��� and it was comfortable. Not bath water��� but close.
And this tickled me��� there were a line of Christmas trees in a small outdoor shopping area, and they were decorated with homemade baubles.
You see? Even in a place like Saipan, you can have a white trash Christmas!
Guam���s beaches felt a little more resort like, with nicer hotels dotting the coast.
Both places are actually little getaways for the Japanese. Knowing which side their bread is buttered, many of the shops catering to tourists, and all the maps leading to them, were in Japanese. There really isn���t much more to say about these places��� however, I did find a rather large souvenir store in Saipan, and amidst all the tropical stuff one could buy with ���Saipan��� stamped all over it, I found this:
Finally, I also found one business worth mentioning. If you ever find yourself in Guam and looking for legal representation with a little sizzle, then take your case over to:
T&A Associates��� yeah, I���m (still) easily amused.
But hey, I just got finished spending late December in Japan! What the hell was that like? Well, it was a little of everything, really.
Essentially the Japanese think of Christmas only as a celebration. They like the decorations and music, and the stores and businesses participate with Christmas themed sales and merchandise, like the following:
I like the fact that not only is Santa concerned about the environment, but that he also has an official ranking with the military.
I���m still not sure if the red nose is for Rudolph, or for Uncle Chuck, who always seems to overdo the Christmas Schlitz��� either way, it is necessary. However, in Japan Christmas is not something that starts in October, nor do they make a huge deal about buying and exchanging presents. Of course, they really don���t get into the whole birth of Jesus thing, either. Actually, the interesting thing is that in Japan, Christmas is about throwing a party with friends, and New Year���s Eve is about tradition and family, but more about that in a bit.
So, what did I do over Christmas? A little of this, and a little of that. The cast had a secret Santa game going on, with small presents given out on the days leading to Christmas Day, where the big presents were exchanged. The crew was given a nice Christmas Dinner, which was a mix of Japanese and Traditional Christmas type cuisine. In order to hedge our bets, the cast also chipped in and thus supplied ourselves with our own little Christmas dinner.
The Christmas Cruise itself was noting special. We left Yokohama on the 24th, spent the 25th at sea, then returned to Yokohama on the 26th. And this time, our path did very much resemble a Family Circus cartoon. Imagine, if you will, that the Asuka II is Billy, and his mother asked us to go to the store to get some mint jelly for Christmas Dinner��� what path did Billy take?
Looks like Billy needs to up his Ritalin.
So, with Christmas Day at sea, what did I do? All of the following:
Yeah, it was a good day��� but different. Having been on Asuka for this long has changed my eating habits, first of all, so I didn���t have that lethargic, over done feeling��� even though I had two dinners. Still, when it comes to Christmas dessert, it would be rude of me to not overdo it, especially when I am challenged by The Man to not do so.
Other differences were the lack of college football to watch, and the lack of land outside my window. But hey, it���s all what you make of it, and it was certainly a Christmas I���ll always remember��� oh, and the Shrieking Chicken? Awesome.
Of course, there was also a special Christmas show that we performed for the majority of December. Some songs I sang you would know, like ���Winter Wonderland��� and ���White Christmas.��� Others you may not, like ���She��� and ���Christmas Eve.��� I am unable to post any video, but I also sang Silent Night in Japanese��� everything else was in English. The song ���Christmas Eve��� seems to be a big hit in Japan, as I heard it played many times in stores and restaurants. Oh, and I achieved a personal milestone���
That���s right! Ho ho ho y���all! I came through the back of the house singing a rock n��� roll-ish version of ���Santa Clause is Coming to Town.��� It was kind of funny, since most of the adults couldn���t bear me passing by without waving and touching my hand��� the kids, on the other hand, could give a damn. One time, however, I found myself singing next to a man who might have had a little too much eggnog, and was fast asleep. So, as I was singing, I poked him on the shoulder. He woke up, looked at me, and jumped, seeing the biggest bearded gijing ever! Good times.
So, before I get to New Year���s, let me show you some more of the Japanese country side. We had a few days in Yokohama, so I ventured out a couple of times for a little sightseeing. One day I found myself in Kamakura, a little town about a half an hour���s train ride away. The two things everyone comes here to see are the Hasedera and Kotokuin Temples, the latter being home to Daibutsu (aka The Great Buddha). Normally I wouldn���t waste your time with slideshows, but take a moment and see what I saw:
As far as Daibutsu goes, supposedly he���s not the biggest Buddha in Japan, but he���s close. He was built over 700 years ago with a temple around him��� that burned down 500 years ago, and he���s been hanging outside ever since. And, true to what has been posted online, walking inside him is really no big deal, but for 20 yen you can experience it for yourself! As far as Hasedera is concerned, it was the nicest temple complex I had ever seen. It sits on a hillside, and the further up you climb, the more stuff you see, like statues, caves, and shrines.
Something you can do at many of these temples is leave a prayer for someone, which can be done in many different ways, such as lighting a candle or leaving a note. Passing by the large golden Buddha in Hasedera, I came across one note worth sharing:
It���s true��� we all should have a Buddha guard of our own.
Oh, the Asuka Christmas video had a brief glimpse of Mt. Fuji. Not so long ago, I was in the port of Shimizu, which is also known as the ���Gateway to Mt. Fuji.��� To see a brochure quality shot of the big guy, check this out:
Okay, on to New Year���s Eve, which was very traditional, very Japanese, and the whole experience very unique. Overall the word ���symbology��� comes to mind��� for example:
There was a bunch of these suckers on display all over the ship. The colors red and white, when together, mean (I think) luck and prosperity��� no coincidence that these colors also comprise the Japanese flag. In the center you see a shrimp, thought of here as the old man. Above him is an orange, which has two Japanese words associated to it, much like the color and the fruit. One word, pronounced ���die-die,��� is used here to mean the connecting of generations��� old to young, much like the American New Year���s symbols of the old man and the baby. But it doesn���t end there.
This is soba, which is a buckwheat noodle, in miso soup (naturally). This is what the Japanese eat on New Year���s Day. Not unlike the Southern tradition of black eyed peas (which I was unable to find), eating soba on New Year���s Day also symbolizes the connection of generations��� but there���s a catch here. You see, if a strand of soba equals many generations from beginning to end, it would be in bad form to chew it up. So, you slurp it into your mouth (which is not considered bad manners here) and swallow everything whole. It felt strange at first, but my mind was at ease on this occasion, since I was invited to share this Japanese meal with an ear, nose, and throat doctor��� no kidding.
As far as the countdown itself, it was actually a pretty big party, especially when compared to the other, mostly low key, soirees I���ve seen thrown around here.
So we literally rang in the New Year, as you saw. Continuing with the Temple theme, the next day the atrium lobby was converted to an Asuka temple, complete with the red entry way, guard dog, and box with which to toss your yen.
Finally, we had yet another nice spread for lunch and dinner to celebrate New Year���s Day. So, imagine my surprise when I saunter down to the crew mess, at noon, and discover this:
That, friends, is a big barrel of New Year���s sake. The depth of the barrel only goes a third of the way down, but trust me, a stiff sip of sake during lunch the day after a night full of drinking is not exactly what I needed. I will say that yes, it was smooth��� but for a culture that is not known for its drinking prowess, they sure know how to drink.
But then I got to thinking��� I���ve seen barrels like this before. I asked one of the officers where this sake came from, and he said Kobe. Then I asked him if some temples make this stuff, you know, to make ends meet. He said no��� but I went and looked in my stack of pictures and found proof that yeah, they do:
This was taken in a temple complex near Nagoya. At the time I thought maybe they are storing food for the long winter��� nuh uh��� they���re just waiting for a big damn party! And this isn���t the only picture I have��� other temples seem to do the same thing.
Finally, it���s not often I am star struck, but while in Nagoya I saw a line of people waiting to get their picture taken with some important looking man. Not wanting to be left out, I waited in line and had my photo snapped with him too.
After some digging back on the ship, I found out that I had met the Mayor of Nagoya��� sweet.
And that���ll just about do it for me. It���s night outside as the Asuka II continues to shake, rattle, and roll in the dark and tumultuous Pacific as we are nearly two days in to our three day trip back to Yokohama. Once we arrive, it���ll be a little more than a week before we go into our near three week dry-dock, or to put it another way, nearly three weeks paid vacation!
Keep on Livin��� The Dream,
Michael Lamendola
(Enjoying a New Year���s Eve martini)
Kon’nichiwa Asuka II Part Twelve - Your Red Nose is Necessary!
High of 85 in Guam, hotter in Saipan… life’s a bitch sometimes, ain’t it? And actually, if you are feeling a little glum because your American Christmas was cold and wet, then you only have yourself to blame, because I was in America. Guam and Saipan are tiny American territories left over from WWII. After many months in Japan, it was kind of a surreal experience to be somewhere where I could speak English, spend American dollars, and see cars drive on the right side of the road on their way to Wendy’s, Chili’s, Home Depot, and Ross…
I mean, look at that… I am in a Ross, where one can dress for less, but if you didn’t know, you’d just expect this picture to be taken anywhere… but look a little closer. All the people in the store, or outside driving their cars and sharing the sidewalk were all Filipinos, Guamese, or Saipanese (with the exception of the American men and women who are stationed there).
So, I was in Guam on December 30th, and Saipan the following day. All I really did both days was go to the beach and thaw out. That first beach picture up there was in Saipan, which was a little more rough around the edges than Guam… kind of reminded me of some of the Mexican beaches I’ve seen in the Yucatan. The water, no matter how far out you walked, never got deeper than your waist… and it was comfortable. Not bath water… but close.
And this tickled me… there were a line of Christmas trees in a small outdoor shopping area, and they were decorated with homemade baubles.
You see? Even in a place like Saipan, you can have a white trash Christmas!
Guam’s beaches felt a little more resort like, with nicer hotels dotting the coast.
Both places are actually little getaways for the Japanese. Knowing which side their bread is buttered, many of the shops catering to tourists, and all the maps leading to them, were in Japanese. There really isn’t much more to say about these places… however, I did find a rather large souvenir store in Saipan, and amidst all the tropical stuff one could buy with “Saipan” stamped all over it, I found this:
Finally, I also found one business worth mentioning. If you ever find yourself in Guam and looking for legal representation with a little sizzle, then take your case over to:
T&A Associates… yeah, I’m (still) easily amused.
But hey, I just got finished spending late December in Japan! What the hell was that like? Well, it was a little of everything, really.
Essentially the Japanese think of Christmas only as a celebration. They like the decorations and music, and the stores and businesses participate with Christmas themed sales and merchandise, like the following:
I like the fact that not only is Santa concerned about the environment, but that he also has an official ranking with the military.
I’m still not sure if the red nose is for Rudolph, or for Uncle Chuck, who always seems to overdo the Christmas Schlitz… either way, it is necessary. However, in Japan Christmas is not something that starts in October, nor do they make a huge deal about buying and exchanging presents. Of course, they really don’t get into the whole birth of Jesus thing, either. Actually, the interesting thing is that in Japan, Christmas is about throwing a party with friends, and New Year’s Eve is about tradition and family, but more about that in a bit.
So, what did I do over Christmas? A little of this, and a little of that. The cast had a secret Santa game going on, with small presents given out on the days leading to Christmas Day, where the big presents were exchanged. The crew was given a nice Christmas Dinner, which was a mix of Japanese and Traditional Christmas type cuisine. In order to hedge our bets, the cast also chipped in and thus supplied ourselves with our own little Christmas dinner.
The Christmas Cruise itself was noting special. We left Yokohama on the 24th, spent the 25th at sea, then returned to Yokohama on the 26th. And this time, our path did very much resemble a Family Circus cartoon. Imagine, if you will, that the Asuka II is Billy, and his mother asked us to go to the store to get some mint jelly for Christmas Dinner… what path did Billy take?
Looks like Billy needs to up his Ritalin.
So, with Christmas Day at sea, what did I do? All of the following:
Yeah, it was a good day… but different. Having been on Asuka for this long has changed my eating habits, first of all, so I didn’t have that lethargic, over done feeling… even though I had two dinners. Still, when it comes to Christmas dessert, it would be rude of me to not overdo it, especially when I am challenged by The Man to not do so.
Other differences were the lack of college football to watch, and the lack of land outside my window. But hey, it’s all what you make of it, and it was certainly a Christmas I’ll always remember… oh, and the Shrieking Chicken? Awesome.
Of course, there was also a special Christmas show that we performed for the majority of December. Some songs I sang you would know, like “Winter Wonderland” and “White Christmas.” Others you may not, like “She” and “Christmas Eve.” I am unable to post any video, but I also sang Silent Night in Japanese… everything else was in English. The song “Christmas Eve” seems to be a big hit in Japan, as I heard it played many times in stores and restaurants. Oh, and I achieved a personal milestone…
That’s right! Ho ho ho y’all! I came through the back of the house singing a rock n’ roll-ish version of “Santa Clause is Coming to Town.” It was kind of funny, since most of the adults couldn’t bear me passing by without waving and touching my hand… the kids, on the other hand, could give a damn. One time, however, I found myself singing next to a man who might have had a little too much eggnog, and was fast asleep. So, as I was singing, I poked him on the shoulder. He woke up, looked at me, and jumped, seeing the biggest bearded gijing ever! Good times.
So, before I get to New Year’s, let me show you some more of the Japanese country side. We had a few days in Yokohama, so I ventured out a couple of times for a little sightseeing. One day I found myself in Kamakura, a little town about a half an hour’s train ride away. The two things everyone comes here to see are the Hasedera and Kotokuin Temples, the latter being home to Daibutsu (aka The Great Buddha). Normally I wouldn’t waste your time with slideshows, but take a moment and see what I saw:
As far as Daibutsu goes, supposedly he’s not the biggest Buddha in Japan, but he’s close. He was built over 700 years ago with a temple around him… that burned down 500 years ago, and he’s been hanging outside ever since. And, true to what has been posted online, walking inside him is really no big deal, but for 20 yen you can experience it for yourself! As far as Hasedera is concerned, it was the nicest temple complex I had ever seen. It sits on a hillside, and the further up you climb, the more stuff you see, like statues, caves, and shrines.
Something you can do at many of these temples is leave a prayer for someone, which can be done in many different ways, such as lighting a candle or leaving a note. Passing by the large golden Buddha in Hasedera, I came across one note worth sharing:
It’s true… we all should have a Buddha guard of our own.
Oh, the Asuka Christmas video had a brief glimpse of Mt. Fuji. Not so long ago, I was in the port of Shimizu, which is also known as the “Gateway to Mt. Fuji.” To see a brochure quality shot of the big guy, check this out:
Okay, on to New Year’s Eve, which was very traditional, very Japanese, and the whole experience very unique. Overall the word “symbology” comes to mind… for example:
There was a bunch of these suckers on display all over the ship. The colors red and white, when together, mean (I think) luck and prosperity… no coincidence that these colors also comprise the Japanese flag. In the center you see a shrimp, thought of here as the old man. Above him is an orange, which has two Japanese words associated to it, much like the color and the fruit. One word, pronounced “die-die,” is used here to mean the connecting of generations… old to young, much like the American New Year’s symbols of the old man and the baby. But it doesn’t end there.
This is soba, which is a buckwheat noodle, in miso soup (naturally). This is what the Japanese eat on New Year’s Day. Not unlike the Southern tradition of black eyed peas (which I was unable to find), eating soba on New Year’s Day also symbolizes the connection of generations… but there’s a catch here. You see, if a strand of soba equals many generations from beginning to end, it would be in bad form to chew it up. So, you slurp it into your mouth (which is not considered bad manners here) and swallow everything whole. It felt strange at first, but my mind was at ease on this occasion, since I was invited to share this Japanese meal with an ear, nose, and throat doctor… no kidding.
As far as the countdown itself, it was actually a pretty big party, especially when compared to the other, mostly low key, soirees I’ve seen thrown around here.
So we literally rang in the New Year, as you saw. Continuing with the Temple theme, the next day the atrium lobby was converted to an Asuka temple, complete with the red entry way, guard dog, and box with which to toss your yen.
Finally, we had yet another nice spread for lunch and dinner to celebrate New Year’s Day. So, imagine my surprise when I saunter down to the crew mess, at noon, and discover this:
That, friends, is a big barrel of New Year’s sake. The depth of the barrel only goes a third of the way down, but trust me, a stiff sip of sake during lunch the day after a night full of drinking is not exactly what I needed. I will say that yes, it was smooth… but for a culture that is not known for its drinking prowess, they sure know how to drink.
But then I got to thinking… I’ve seen barrels like this before. I asked one of the officers where this sake came from, and he said Kobe. Then I asked him if some temples make this stuff, you know, to make ends meet. He said no… but I went and looked in my stack of pictures and found proof that yeah, they do:
This was taken in a temple complex near Nagoya. At the time I thought maybe they are storing food for the long winter… nuh uh… they’re just waiting for a big damn party! And this isn’t the only picture I have… other temples seem to do the same thing.
Finally, it’s not often I am star struck, but while in Nagoya I saw a line of people waiting to get their picture taken with some important looking man. Not wanting to be left out, I waited in line and had my photo snapped with him too.
After some digging back on the ship, I found out that I had met the Mayor of Nagoya… sweet.
And that’ll just about do it for me. It’s night outside as the Asuka II continues to shake, rattle, and roll in the dark and tumultuous Pacific as we are nearly two days in to our three day trip back to Yokohama. Once we arrive, it’ll be a little more than a week before we go into our near three week dry-dock, or to put it another way, nearly three weeks paid vacation!
Keep on Livin’ The Dream,
Michael Lamendola
(Enjoying a New Year’s Eve martini)
Kon'nichiwa Asuka II Part Twelve - Your Red Nose is Necessary!
High of 85 in Guam, hotter in Saipan… life's a bitch sometimes, ain't it? And actually, if you are feeling a little glum because your American Christmas was cold and wet, then you only have yourself to blame, because I was in America. Guam and Saipan are tiny American territories left over from WWII. After many months in Japan, it was kind of a surreal experience to be somewhere where I could speak English, spend American dollars, and see cars drive on the right side of the road on their way to Wendy's, Chili's, Home Depot, and Ross…
I mean, look at that… I am in a Ross, where one can dress for less, but if you didn't know, you'd just expect this picture to be taken anywhere… but look a little closer. All the people in the store, or outside driving their cars and sharing the sidewalk were all Filipinos, Guamese, or Saipanese (with the exception of the American men and women who are stationed there).
So, I was in Guam on December 30th, and Saipan the following day. All I really did both days was go to the beach and thaw out. That first beach picture up there was in Saipan, which was a little more rough around the edges than Guam… kind of reminded me of some of the Mexican beaches I've seen in the Yucatan. The water, no matter how far out you walked, never got deeper than your waist… and it was comfortable. Not bath water… but close.
And this tickled me… there were a line of Christmas trees in a small outdoor shopping area, and they were decorated with homemade baubles.
You see? Even in a place like Saipan, you can have a white trash Christmas!
Guam's beaches felt a little more resort like, with nicer hotels dotting the coast.
Both places are actually little getaways for the Japanese. Knowing which side their bread is buttered, many of the shops catering to tourists, and all the maps leading to them, were in Japanese. There really isn't much more to say about these places… however, I did find a rather large souvenir store in Saipan, and amidst all the tropical stuff one could buy with "Saipan" stamped all over it, I found this:
Finally, I also found one business worth mentioning. If you ever find yourself in Guam and looking for legal representation with a little sizzle, then take your case over to:
T&A Associates… yeah, I'm (still) easily amused.
But hey, I just got finished spending late December in Japan! What the hell was that like? Well, it was a little of everything, really.
Essentially the Japanese think of Christmas only as a celebration. They like the decorations and music, and the stores and businesses participate with Christmas themed sales and merchandise, like the following:
I like the fact that not only is Santa concerned about the environment, but that he also has an official ranking with the military.
I'm still not sure if the red nose is for Rudolph, or for Uncle Chuck, who always seems to overdo the Christmas Schlitz… either way, it is necessary. However, in Japan Christmas is not something that starts in October, nor do they make a huge deal about buying and exchanging presents. Of course, they really don't get into the whole birth of Jesus thing, either. Actually, the interesting thing is that in Japan, Christmas is about throwing a party with friends, and New Year's Eve is about tradition and family, but more about that in a bit.
So, what did I do over Christmas? A little of this, and a little of that. The cast had a secret Santa game going on, with small presents given out on the days leading to Christmas Day, where the big presents were exchanged. The crew was given a nice Christmas Dinner, which was a mix of Japanese and Traditional Christmas type cuisine. In order to hedge our bets, the cast also chipped in and thus supplied ourselves with our own little Christmas dinner.
The Christmas Cruise itself was noting special. We left Yokohama on the 24th, spent the 25th at sea, then returned to Yokohama on the 26th. And this time, our path did very much resemble a Family Circus cartoon. Imagine, if you will, that the Asuka II is Billy, and his mother asked us to go to the store to get some mint jelly for Christmas Dinner… what path did Billy take?
Looks like Billy needs to up his Ritalin.
So, with Christmas Day at sea, what did I do? All of the following:
Yeah, it was a good day… but different. Having been on Asuka for this long has changed my eating habits, first of all, so I didn't have that lethargic, over done feeling… even though I had two dinners. Still, when it comes to Christmas dessert, it would be rude of me to not overdo it, especially when I am challenged by The Man to not do so.
Other differences were the lack of college football to watch, and the lack of land outside my window. But hey, it's all what you make of it, and it was certainly a Christmas I'll always remember… oh, and the Shrieking Chicken? Awesome.
Of course, there was also a special Christmas show that we performed for the majority of December. Some songs I sang you would know, like "Winter Wonderland" and "White Christmas." Others you may not, like "She" and "Christmas Eve." I am unable to post any video, but I also sang Silent Night in Japanese… everything else was in English. The song "Christmas Eve" seems to be a big hit in Japan, as I heard it played many times in stores and restaurants. Oh, and I achieved a personal milestone…
That's right! Ho ho ho y'all! I came through the back of the house singing a rock n' roll-ish version of "Santa Clause is Coming to Town." It was kind of funny, since most of the adults couldn't bear me passing by without waving and touching my hand… the kids, on the other hand, could give a damn. One time, however, I found myself singing next to a man who might have had a little too much eggnog, and was fast asleep. So, as I was singing, I poked him on the shoulder. He woke up, looked at me, and jumped, seeing the biggest bearded gijing ever! Good times.
So, before I get to New Year's, let me show you some more of the Japanese country side. We had a few days in Yokohama, so I ventured out a couple of times for a little sightseeing. One day I found myself in Kamakura, a little town about a half an hour's train ride away. The two things everyone comes here to see are the Hasedera and Kotokuin Temples, the latter being home to Daibutsu (aka The Great Buddha). Normally I wouldn't waste your time with slideshows, but take a moment and see what I saw:
As far as Daibutsu goes, supposedly he's not the biggest Buddha in Japan, but he's close. He was built over 700 years ago with a temple around him… that burned down 500 years ago, and he's been hanging outside ever since. And, true to what has been posted online, walking inside him is really no big deal, but for 20 yen you can experience it for yourself! As far as Hasedera is concerned, it was the nicest temple complex I had ever seen. It sits on a hillside, and the further up you climb, the more stuff you see, like statues, caves, and shrines.
Something you can do at many of these temples is leave a prayer for someone, which can be done in many different ways, such as lighting a candle or leaving a note. Passing by the large golden Buddha in Hasedera, I came across one note worth sharing:
It's true… we all should have a Buddha guard of our own.
Oh, the Asuka Christmas video had a brief glimpse of Mt. Fuji. Not so long ago, I was in the port of Shimizu, which is also known as the "Gateway to Mt. Fuji." To see a brochure quality shot of the big guy, check this out:
Okay, on to New Year's Eve, which was very traditional, very Japanese, and the whole experience very unique. Overall the word "symbology" comes to mind… for example:
There was a bunch of these suckers on display all over the ship. The colors red and white, when together, mean (I think) luck and prosperity… no coincidence that these colors also comprise the Japanese flag. In the center you see a shrimp, thought of here as the old man. Above him is an orange, which has two Japanese words associated to it, much like the color and the fruit. One word, pronounced "die-die," is used here to mean the connecting of generations… old to young, much like the American New Year's symbols of the old man and the baby. But it doesn't end there.
This is soba, which is a buckwheat noodle, in miso soup (naturally). This is what the Japanese eat on New Year's Day. Not unlike the Southern tradition of black eyed peas (which I was unable to find), eating soba on New Year's Day also symbolizes the connection of generations… but there's a catch here. You see, if a strand of soba equals many generations from beginning to end, it would be in bad form to chew it up. So, you slurp it into your mouth (which is not considered bad manners here) and swallow everything whole. It felt strange at first, but my mind was at ease on this occasion, since I was invited to share this Japanese meal with an ear, nose, and throat doctor… no kidding.
As far as the countdown itself, it was actually a pretty big party, especially when compared to the other, mostly low key, soirees I've seen thrown around here.
So we literally rang in the New Year, as you saw. Continuing with the Temple theme, the next day the atrium lobby was converted to an Asuka temple, complete with the red entry way, guard dog, and box with which to toss your yen.
Finally, we had yet another nice spread for lunch and dinner to celebrate New Year's Day. So, imagine my surprise when I saunter down to the crew mess, at noon, and discover this:
That, friends, is a big barrel of New Year's sake. The depth of the barrel only goes a third of the way down, but trust me, a stiff sip of sake during lunch the day after a night full of drinking is not exactly what I needed. I will say that yes, it was smooth… but for a culture that is not known for its drinking prowess, they sure know how to drink.
But then I got to thinking… I've seen barrels like this before. I asked one of the officers where this sake came from, and he said Kobe. Then I asked him if some temples make this stuff, you know, to make ends meet. He said no… but I went and looked in my stack of pictures and found proof that yeah, they do:
This was taken in a temple complex near Nagoya. At the time I thought maybe they are storing food for the long winter… nuh uh… they're just waiting for a big damn party! And this isn't the only picture I have… other temples seem to do the same thing.
Finally, it's not often I am star struck, but while in Nagoya I saw a line of people waiting to get their picture taken with some important looking man. Not wanting to be left out, I waited in line and had my photo snapped with him too.
After some digging back on the ship, I found out that I had met the Mayor of Nagoya… sweet.
And that'll just about do it for me. It's night outside as the Asuka II continues to shake, rattle, and roll in the dark and tumultuous Pacific as we are nearly two days in to our three day trip back to Yokohama. Once we arrive, it'll be a little more than a week before we go into our near three week dry-dock, or to put it another way, nearly three weeks paid vacation!
Keep on Livin' The Dream,
Michael Lamendola
(Enjoying a New Year's Eve martini)
December 11, 2010
Kon���nichiwa Asuka II Part Eleven - Getting Shanghaied in Shanghai
At the moment the Asuka II is sitting quietly, somewhere in the Southern part of Japan. I can tell you for certain that we are somewhere in the Southern part of Japan, because that���s what my TV says. I know we are sitting not only because we aren���t moving, but because I can hear the giant chain links being released as they follow the anchor into the murky water below.
Essentially, during the Christmas season, the Asuka II does a lot of one and two day cruises, often times to nowhere. Much like an evening harbor excursion, people come on board for dinner and a show, then spend the night to wake up in the city we left the night before. On the other hand, they also pay north of 600 bucks per person (and it goes up from there) for the experience��� I know this for a fact, and that ticket price is only for ONE NIGHT. For my hard earned clams, I think I���d rather eat some average Christmas themed food on a forty year old tugboat turned dining room, soaking in the city lights of Des Moines, and sleeping in my own bed��� then I could use the money I saved on a one week Mexican cruise��� but that���s just me.
Still, it is funny to see where we go on a cruise to nowhere, so again I turn to my television set. One of the channels we can access displays a map of Japan, with a blue line showing where we���ve been this cruise, and a dot at the end showing where we are.
Where the line starts on the map is where Kobe is, and where we���ll be tomorrow to drop our pax off. Not quite Family Circus, but it���s close. In case you���re nautically curious, from left to right, the numbers at the bottom represent our latitude and longitude coordinates, knots, and directional heading. It must take a moment for the screen to refresh, because even though we are definitely stopped, the knots still show we are moving.
So, maps on television��� blah blah blah��� What else has been going on? Welp, as usual I look at the pictures I���ve taken since we last spoke and see if there���s anything worth talking about. So, let me do that��� oh boy��� I don���t want to sound like an ungrateful Betty, or any kind of Betty for that matter��� maybe Betty Crocker��� cake sounds good right now��� maybe some of that red velvet cake��� yeah, with two big scoops of vanilla ice cream��� or there���s an apple betty��� that would be good with ice cream too��� wait, what? Oh right��� so, basically over the past month I���ve been mostly to Kobe and Yokohama. For me, it���s like being in my home town��� I just do normal things, and unfortunately those things are mundane enough that they rarely require pictures. Still, let me get my long spoon and see what I can scrape outta the barrel.
Okay, well, there was this one time when they had a fan appreciation day at the Yokohama Baseball Stadium, home of the fightin��� Yokohama Bay Stars.
And then there was the replica of the statue of liberty standing above an American car dealership in a town called Kagoshima���
There you could buy a used PT Cruiser, a Chevy Van, or a Lincoln Towncar!
Here���s a Japanese Hearse��� I find it a little ironic that in spite of all the ornate Japanese stuff the stiff rides in, it���s still a Cadillac���
Let���s see, what else��� oh, Kagoshima also has a volcano!
If the hottest thing you see in this picture is a bunch of Japanese cheerleaders, then I hope you���re able to outrun airborne chunks of molten lava. The volcano spouted smoke every forty minutes or so. Thankfully for the residents of Kagoshima, the bay separates the volcanic island from the mainland. All right��� anything else?
Saw a lady at a sushi restaurant who likes to coordinate her hair with her clothes���
I���ve been to a few Japanese arcades, and from what I���ve seen they are either multi storied affairs with everything from games to slot machines, to places that are full of nothing but photo booths and skill cranes. While in an arcade similar to the latter, I came upon something interesting.
Still, if you���re embarrassed that you won a Tamagotchi (we still play with those?), maybe you should pick another crane��� you know, the one that contains pink hello kitties or anime porn.
And I guess that���s it��� for Japan. I suppose the biggest thing I���ve done in the past thirty days is visit Shanghai. Now, before I begin, let me say that things don���t always go according to plan, and that happens a couple of times in my retelling of my Chinese experience. I might even learn something along the way��� you may too. Okay, let���s get to it.
Here is the view from the bow at 5:45 PM, December first. We���re actually close to China, but waiting for our turn to enter the channel that takes us to Shanghai. Originally we were scheduled to arrive at the stroke of midnight on December 2nd, putting us port side at 7 AM, scheduled to stay until 5 PM on the 3rd. But we sat, along with dozens of other ships that surrounded us, for a long time. Day turned into night and we were hours late entering the channel��� why? Apparently the fog was so thick that the channel was closed to traffic.
There was some talk amongst the crew that we were going to turn around, because the weather forecast said there was no chance of the fog dissipating anytime soon. Then, at 9 PM, the engines kicked back on, and the Asuka II did a one-eighty and headed back to Japan, taking us to none other than Sakaiminato��� no kidding! Well, there���s only one thing to do in Sakaiminato���
Okay, so we didn���t go to Sakaiminato, but I���ve got a million of these stupid ���Having Fun��� videos, and I gotta get them on here somehow.
So yes, there was a rumor amongst the crew that the Asuka II was gonna high tail it out of China��� but anytime there���s rain or fog or lingering grasshopper farts somebody here will start yakkin��� about drastic changes to the itinerary and mutiny. Yes, sometimes we���re late, but seriously��� when the current 10 day cruise is called ���Shanghai Cruise,��� do you really think we���re gonna just skip the Shanghai portion? No way��� besides the ticket sales, I am sure the majority of the pax have tours booked��� there���s two big reasons why we won���t skip��� sheesh.
Anyway, we spent the night anchored in open water with dozens of other ships, waiting to get in. Believe it or not, this puts us at risk for a pirate attack. So, with all eyes on deck from the bridge, officers standing guard to our aft, and our emergency lights extended, we sit and wait.
The picture sucks, I know, but all those lights are other ships, and this is what I saw all around our ship. Later, I discover just how busy this channel is, but for now all I can think about is the Asuka���s defense system for pirates. You see, I just assumed that we have a gun locker somewhere��� nope. We have fire hoses. Yep. Some gun toting, scurvy barnacle bill tries to scale our hull with his cutlass clenched in his mouth, we���ll just knock him down with salty pressurized water. Oh, and the guy that had the aft watch shift told me he had a meeting with the Captain the following morning to discuss the possibility of him getting fired for something. I feel really, really safe���
Fortunately, no pirates attacked, (although there was one frisky fishing boat) and we made it to the next morning, where we sat some more. Finally, at around 2 PM the Asuka II weighed anchor and began her journey into the channel. I have to say, sailing into Shanghai was by far the most interesting sail in I have ever witnessed��� video below.
I watch the video, and I still find it hard to tell just how crowded it was. Even in open water, we were in a line of ships heading in, and ships frequently passed us by on either side��� and close.
And as you saw in the video, it was even more crowded once we began sailing down the channel. The Captain rode the horn like a New York City cab driver as every ship to our left needed to be on our right, and right to the left, and they had to get there RIGHT NOW!
As night fell we made our way out of the lengthy (and smelly) industrial area and into the downtown area of Shanghai, and the train tracks that separate the two sides of town were a large, red suspension bridge.
Finally, at 8 PM, the Asuka II tied down, only eighteen hours behind schedule. Still, that gave us about eighteen hours of shore leave��� in theory. Sometimes, especially when there���s a heightened anticipation amongst the crew, our shore leave seems to always be delayed. So, we wait and wait��� passengers have long since disembarked and caught their tour buses. So, I walk around the ship and take some pictures.
That���s the Oriental Pearl, Shanghai���s big damn TV tower��� and the tallest tower in Asia. More on that later.
Finally, at 10:30 PM the crew is finally allowed off the ship��� and this is where the learning experience occurred. So, the production cast leaves the ship as a group, as we were warned to not go out at night alone. On our way out there was a lady in the lobby who would accept our yen and give us Yuan, the Chinese currency. Instead of going to her, we decided to go to ���this lady who is always outside the ship, every year,��� as stated by my coworker. Many of you, if you���ve actually gotten this far by reading, are shaking your heads��� I know, I know���
So, we go to ���the lady��� outside the ship, and like year���s past, she���s ���outside the ship��� with another guy. We each hand them a hundred bucks, and they hand us 600 Yuan, which was right along with the exchange rate, with a slight markup, but not obscene. After the transaction, the ten of us split up into two cabs and journeyed into town. I would say maybe five minutes went by when the ten of us, in two separate cabs, began to realize something was wrong with our Chinese money.
Turns out some of us got counterfeit Chinese money, and the rest of us got Taiwanese money, which, while pink like Chinese money, is in fact Taiwanese money. Me? I was holding 600 Taiwanese smackers, or, roughly ten bucks. Shit.
That���s basically all there is to that little story. Nobody would take my Taiwanese money, and the people who had the counterfeit Chinese Yuan couldn���t unload it either, as everyone in Shanghai was wise, and did a rubbing trick on the bill to tell if it was real. And whenever I tell the story, even as I type it here, I just shake my head. I heard someone say ���Let���s give money to a stranger on the street,��� and went with it��� looks like my MFA is better suited to jerry-rigging cruise ship showers than it is at global economics. Still, at the very least we were all swindled��� nay��� Shanghaied as a group, so the sting wasn���t as great. It���s an achievement to be sure��� not as big as eating Kobe beef in Kobe, or drinking Bordeaux wine in Bordeaux, but friends, I managed to get Shanghaied in Shanghai.
So, with time wasting away quicker than we could throw our money into the trash, we regrouped, got real Yuan, and tried again. That night, and the following day, was spent eating an admittedly awful steak, having a drink, and seeing the sights of Shanghai. People���s exhibit A below:
I���ll fill in a little detail here. The name of the garden is ���Yu Garden��� (and you can visit it yourself at www.YuGarden.com.cn). All I really know about the place is that it���s old, and was originally built for one guy to enjoy. How old is it? Well, look at the following picture:
The place is so old, people used to sit in rooms and stare at petrified wood statues. THAT���S how old the place is. Thank you, thank you, I���ll be here all week.
Now let���s skip ahead to the Chinese temple. Behind the room with the big statue was a courtyard with three buildings. In each building there was a man playing a different musical instrument. It all felt very traditional��� that is, until:
Here is a guy, playing music that is probably a thousand years old, and the dude next to him is tweeting about the blizzard he had at Dairy Queen���
Yeah, I ain���t making that up. And yeah, I had an Oreo Blizzard��� come on��� Japanese food is one thing, but how many tons of Chow Mein have I choked down in my short life?
I forget why I took this picture��� HEY! Try the shrimp cocktail! Don���t forget to tip your wait staff! Can you hear me talkin���? Cause I can hear you leavin���!
Of course, when in China, or any country, you are surrounded by souvenir shops. I didn���t need to take any video of that, but one picture does stand out:
Surrounded by magnets depicting Chinese cities and masks, and directly to the right of a Panda, the most useless symbol of Zoos all over the world, are magnets of Saddam Hussein and Osama Bin Laden. Can you imagine going all the way to China, and bringing your poor bastard of a friend a magnet of Saddam or president Obama? From China?
Looks like I had more to talk about than I originally thought, as I actually left out something funny I saw while looking around the shops. Maybe you���re tired from rickshaw rides and souvenir shopping, and need a little relaxing massage.
Hate to think what a happy ending involves���
But, as many of you know, you can get reasonable facsimiles of bags, shoes, watches and clothes in China. I didn���t have time to go to the market where they sell all this stuff, but I was still approached by many people, all holding the same looking laminated piece of paper with pictures of watches and purses. ���You want to buy a watch?��� they would all ask me, over and over. Finally, I said to one ���sure, show me your watches!��� Almost immediately, the man said ���follow me!��� and zipped across the street. I followed closely behind, stopping only briefly to eat another mouthful of delicious Oreo Blizzard.
We head to a row of stores, only to miss them and head down a narrow alley in between them��� uh oh. We go further and further down, passing little closet rooms and boxes of trash. The noise from the street fades as it bounces back and forth off the cracked cement walls that reach up several stories above me and prevent enough ambient light to make me feel like doing this maybe wasn���t a sound decision.
Finally, I am led into a small room full of purses, and thankfully, I see a Chinese couple who is looking through the merchandise. ���See?��� I think to myself, ���this is a safe place��� families shop here.��� Still, while I am surrounded by shelves stacked floor to ceiling with purses, the only watch I see is the one on my wrist. A lady who is part of the operation tells me the watches will be here in a minute, and to have a seat. ���I���ll stand, thank you,��� I say, as the sweat from my palm works at melting my Blizzard down to the point where it is no longer safe to do the upside down trick (which they also do in China before handing it to you).
Finally, a guy walks in with three metal briefcases��� you know, the kind you see in movies that are heavy, silver, and usually contain money, cocaine, guns, or bombs. He sets them on an empty shelf and opens them one by one��� watches. My ass unclenches as I dumbly examine the merchandise. The guy starts rattling off the reasons why these watches are the real deal, and displays they are quality by banging the face into the meaty part of my palm. As tempting as it was to purchase a Folex or an Omega Spreemaster, I declined��� unfortunately for these guys I had already been Shanghaied my first day, and just because a watch is heavy and can bounce off my hand doesn���t mean I���m gonna buy it. ���You guys must think I���m some sort of sucker,��� I think to myself as I scrape the last bit of Blizzard from the bottom of my cup. I wanted to tape the experience, as it was all so unique, and a little scary, but you kind of know your place in a situation like that, so my words will have to do���
And the rickshaw ride? I told him I wanted to go to the Oriental Pearl, and he said sure! After ten hair raising minutes (the video really didn���t do the experience justice), he got me there���
Oh, I���m sorry��� I should have been more clear. When I said I wanted to go to the Oriental Pearl, I meant I wanted to be able to get to it without having to swim. Oh well, I was able to take the picture and then take a cab. There���s a snake of tunnels going under the river��� and you think people drive bad in (insert your city, state, country here)��� oh boy. I saw people riding their scooters on the sidewalk here. Christ. The tower experience was worth it, though. Very high up, and that Plexiglas walkway was pretty intense. Still, what the hell is a roller coaster doing that high up only to be totally encased? Huh?
And that���s about it for me. I've glanced at the TV, and while the blue dot hasn���t moved, we are officially doing 0.0 knots. Christmas is right around the corner, and like all of you, I have to round up the rest of my presents, only this year I don���t have the advantage of internet shopping or 24 hour access to land. Speaking of Christmas, we���ve opened our Christmas show, and do it almost exclusively throughout the month of December. It���s a nice show, and I can���t help smiling like an idiot at the end of every performance. I mean, hey, I get to dress as Santa and sing about Rudolph, plus I can now sing ���Silent Night��� in Japanese��� yeah, my job is pretty sweet.
Keep on Livin��� the Dream,
Michael Lamendola
(Resting my tired feet 850 feet above the doo doo brown water of Shanghai)
Kon’nichiwa Asuka II Part Eleven - Getting Shanghaied in Shanghai
At the moment the Asuka II is sitting quietly, somewhere in the Southern part of Japan. I can tell you for certain that we are somewhere in the Southern part of Japan, because that’s what my TV says. I know we are sitting not only because we aren’t moving, but because I can hear the giant chain links being released as they follow the anchor into the murky water below.
Essentially, during the Christmas season, the Asuka II does a lot of one and two day cruises, often times to nowhere. Much like an evening harbor excursion, people come on board for dinner and a show, then spend the night to wake up in the city we left the night before. On the other hand, they also pay north of 600 bucks per person (and it goes up from there) for the experience… I know this for a fact, and that ticket price is only for ONE NIGHT. For my hard earned clams, I think I’d rather eat some average Christmas themed food on a forty year old tugboat turned dining room, soaking in the city lights of Des Moines, and sleeping in my own bed… then I could use the money I saved on a one week Mexican cruise… but that’s just me.
Still, it is funny to see where we go on a cruise to nowhere, so again I turn to my television set. One of the channels we can access displays a map of Japan, with a blue line showing where we’ve been this cruise, and a dot at the end showing where we are.
Where the line starts on the map is where Kobe is, and where we’ll be tomorrow to drop our pax off. Not quite Family Circus, but it’s close. In case you’re nautically curious, from left to right, the numbers at the bottom represent our latitude and longitude coordinates, knots, and directional heading. It must take a moment for the screen to refresh, because even though we are definitely stopped, the knots still show we are moving.
So, maps on television… blah blah blah… What else has been going on? Welp, as usual I look at the pictures I’ve taken since we last spoke and see if there’s anything worth talking about. So, let me do that… oh boy… I don’t want to sound like an ungrateful Betty, or any kind of Betty for that matter… maybe Betty Crocker… cake sounds good right now… maybe some of that red velvet cake… yeah, with two big scoops of vanilla ice cream… or there’s an apple betty… that would be good with ice cream too… wait, what? Oh right… so, basically over the past month I’ve been mostly to Kobe and Yokohama. For me, it’s like being in my home town… I just do normal things, and unfortunately those things are mundane enough that they rarely require pictures. Still, let me get my long spoon and see what I can scrape outta the barrel.
Okay, well, there was this one time when they had a fan appreciation day at the Yokohama Baseball Stadium, home of the fightin’ Yokohama Bay Stars.
And then there was the replica of the statue of liberty standing above an American car dealership in a town called Kagoshima…
There you could buy a used PT Cruiser, a Chevy Van, or a Lincoln Towncar!
Here’s a Japanese Hearse… I find it a little ironic that in spite of all the ornate Japanese stuff the stiff rides in, it’s still a Cadillac…
Let’s see, what else… oh, Kagoshima also has a volcano!
If the hottest thing you see in this picture is a bunch of Japanese cheerleaders, then I hope you’re able to outrun airborne chunks of molten lava. The volcano spouted smoke every forty minutes or so. Thankfully for the residents of Kagoshima, the bay separates the volcanic island from the mainland. All right… anything else?
Saw a lady at a sushi restaurant who likes to coordinate her hair with her clothes…
I’ve been to a few Japanese arcades, and from what I’ve seen they are either multi storied affairs with everything from games to slot machines, to places that are full of nothing but photo booths and skill cranes. While in an arcade similar to the latter, I came upon something interesting.
Still, if you’re embarrassed that you won a Tamagotchi (we still play with those?), maybe you should pick another crane… you know, the one that contains pink hello kitties or anime porn.
And I guess that’s it… for Japan. I suppose the biggest thing I’ve done in the past thirty days is visit Shanghai. Now, before I begin, let me say that things don’t always go according to plan, and that happens a couple of times in my retelling of my Chinese experience. I might even learn something along the way… you may too. Okay, let’s get to it.
Here is the view from the bow at 5:45 PM, December first. We’re actually close to China, but waiting for our turn to enter the channel that takes us to Shanghai. Originally we were scheduled to arrive at the stroke of midnight on December 2nd, putting us port side at 7 AM, scheduled to stay until 5 PM on the 3rd. But we sat, along with dozens of other ships that surrounded us, for a long time. Day turned into night and we were hours late entering the channel… why? Apparently the fog was so thick that the channel was closed to traffic.
There was some talk amongst the crew that we were going to turn around, because the weather forecast said there was no chance of the fog dissipating anytime soon. Then, at 9 PM, the engines kicked back on, and the Asuka II did a one-eighty and headed back to Japan, taking us to none other than Sakaiminato… no kidding! Well, there’s only one thing to do in Sakaiminato…
Okay, so we didn’t go to Sakaiminato, but I’ve got a million of these stupid “Having Fun” videos, and I gotta get them on here somehow.
So yes, there was a rumor amongst the crew that the Asuka II was gonna high tail it out of China… but anytime there’s rain or fog or lingering grasshopper farts somebody here will start yakkin’ about drastic changes to the itinerary and mutiny. Yes, sometimes we’re late, but seriously… when the current 10 day cruise is called “Shanghai Cruise,” do you really think we’re gonna just skip the Shanghai portion? No way… besides the ticket sales, I am sure the majority of the pax have tours booked… there’s two big reasons why we won’t skip… sheesh.
Anyway, we spent the night anchored in open water with dozens of other ships, waiting to get in. Believe it or not, this puts us at risk for a pirate attack. So, with all eyes on deck from the bridge, officers standing guard to our aft, and our emergency lights extended, we sit and wait.
The picture sucks, I know, but all those lights are other ships, and this is what I saw all around our ship. Later, I discover just how busy this channel is, but for now all I can think about is the Asuka’s defense system for pirates. You see, I just assumed that we have a gun locker somewhere… nope. We have fire hoses. Yep. Some gun toting, scurvy barnacle bill tries to scale our hull with his cutlass clenched in his mouth, we’ll just knock him down with salty pressurized water. Oh, and the guy that had the aft watch shift told me he had a meeting with the Captain the following morning to discuss the possibility of him getting fired for something. I feel really, really safe…
Fortunately, no pirates attacked, (although there was one frisky fishing boat) and we made it to the next morning, where we sat some more. Finally, at around 2 PM the Asuka II weighed anchor and began her journey into the channel. I have to say, sailing into Shanghai was by far the most interesting sail in I have ever witnessed… video below.
I watch the video, and I still find it hard to tell just how crowded it was. Even in open water, we were in a line of ships heading in, and ships frequently passed us by on either side… and close.
And as you saw in the video, it was even more crowded once we began sailing down the channel. The Captain rode the horn like a New York City cab driver as every ship to our left needed to be on our right, and right to the left, and they had to get there RIGHT NOW!
As night fell we made our way out of the lengthy (and smelly) industrial area and into the downtown area of Shanghai, and the train tracks that separate the two sides of town were a large, red suspension bridge.
Finally, at 8 PM, the Asuka II tied down, only eighteen hours behind schedule. Still, that gave us about eighteen hours of shore leave… in theory. Sometimes, especially when there’s a heightened anticipation amongst the crew, our shore leave seems to always be delayed. So, we wait and wait… passengers have long since disembarked and caught their tour buses. So, I walk around the ship and take some pictures.
That’s the Oriental Pearl, Shanghai’s big damn TV tower… and the tallest tower in Asia. More on that later.
Finally, at 10:30 PM the crew is finally allowed off the ship… and this is where the learning experience occurred. So, the production cast leaves the ship as a group, as we were warned to not go out at night alone. On our way out there was a lady in the lobby who would accept our yen and give us Yuan, the Chinese currency. Instead of going to her, we decided to go to “this lady who is always outside the ship, every year,” as stated by my coworker. Many of you, if you’ve actually gotten this far by reading, are shaking your heads… I know, I know…
So, we go to “the lady” outside the ship, and like year’s past, she’s “outside the ship” with another guy. We each hand them a hundred bucks, and they hand us 600 Yuan, which was right along with the exchange rate, with a slight markup, but not obscene. After the transaction, the ten of us split up into two cabs and journeyed into town. I would say maybe five minutes went by when the ten of us, in two separate cabs, began to realize something was wrong with our Chinese money.
Turns out some of us got counterfeit Chinese money, and the rest of us got Taiwanese money, which, while pink like Chinese money, is in fact Taiwanese money. Me? I was holding 600 Taiwanese smackers, or, roughly ten bucks. Shit.
That’s basically all there is to that little story. Nobody would take my Taiwanese money, and the people who had the counterfeit Chinese Yuan couldn’t unload it either, as everyone in Shanghai was wise, and did a rubbing trick on the bill to tell if it was real. And whenever I tell the story, even as I type it here, I just shake my head. I heard someone say “Let’s give money to a stranger on the street,” and went with it… looks like my MFA is better suited to jerry-rigging cruise ship showers than it is at global economics. Still, at the very least we were all swindled… nay… Shanghaied as a group, so the sting wasn’t as great. It’s an achievement to be sure… not as big as eating Kobe beef in Kobe, or drinking Bordeaux wine in Bordeaux, but friends, I managed to get Shanghaied in Shanghai.
So, with time wasting away quicker than we could throw our money into the trash, we regrouped, got real Yuan, and tried again. That night, and the following day, was spent eating an admittedly awful steak, having a drink, and seeing the sights of Shanghai. People’s exhibit A below:
I’ll fill in a little detail here. The name of the garden is “Yu Garden” (and you can visit it yourself at www.YuGarden.com.cn). All I really know about the place is that it’s old, and was originally built for one guy to enjoy. How old is it? Well, look at the following picture:
The place is so old, people used to sit in rooms and stare at petrified wood statues. THAT’S how old the place is. Thank you, thank you, I’ll be here all week.
Now let’s skip ahead to the Chinese temple. Behind the room with the big statue was a courtyard with three buildings. In each building there was a man playing a different musical instrument. It all felt very traditional… that is, until:
Here is a guy, playing music that is probably a thousand years old, and the dude next to him is tweeting about the blizzard he had at Dairy Queen…
Yeah, I ain’t making that up. And yeah, I had an Oreo Blizzard… come on… Japanese food is one thing, but how many tons of Chow Mein have I choked down in my short life?
I forget why I took this picture… HEY! Try the shrimp cocktail! Don’t forget to tip your wait staff! Can you hear me talkin’? Cause I can hear you leavin’!
Of course, when in China, or any country, you are surrounded by souvenir shops. I didn’t need to take any video of that, but one picture does stand out:
Surrounded by magnets depicting Chinese cities and masks, and directly to the right of a Panda, the most useless symbol of Zoos all over the world, are magnets of Saddam Hussein and Osama Bin Laden. Can you imagine going all the way to China, and bringing your poor bastard of a friend a magnet of Saddam or president Obama? From China?
Looks like I had more to talk about than I originally thought, as I actually left out something funny I saw while looking around the shops. Maybe you’re tired from rickshaw rides and souvenir shopping, and need a little relaxing massage.
Hate to think what a happy ending involves…
But, as many of you know, you can get reasonable facsimiles of bags, shoes, watches and clothes in China. I didn’t have time to go to the market where they sell all this stuff, but I was still approached by many people, all holding the same looking laminated piece of paper with pictures of watches and purses. “You want to buy a watch?” they would all ask me, over and over. Finally, I said to one “sure, show me your watches!” Almost immediately, the man said “follow me!” and zipped across the street. I followed closely behind, stopping only briefly to eat another mouthful of delicious Oreo Blizzard.
We head to a row of stores, only to miss them and head down a narrow alley in between them… uh oh. We go further and further down, passing little closet rooms and boxes of trash. The noise from the street fades as it bounces back and forth off the cracked cement walls that reach up several stories above me and prevent enough ambient light to make me feel like doing this maybe wasn’t a sound decision.
Finally, I am led into a small room full of purses, and thankfully, I see a Chinese couple who is looking through the merchandise. “See?” I think to myself, “this is a safe place… families shop here.” Still, while I am surrounded by shelves stacked floor to ceiling with purses, the only watch I see is the one on my wrist. A lady who is part of the operation tells me the watches will be here in a minute, and to have a seat. “I’ll stand, thank you,” I say, as the sweat from my palm works at melting my Blizzard down to the point where it is no longer safe to do the upside down trick (which they also do in China before handing it to you).
Finally, a guy walks in with three metal briefcases… you know, the kind you see in movies that are heavy, silver, and usually contain money, cocaine, guns, or bombs. He sets them on an empty shelf and opens them one by one… watches. My ass unclenches as I dumbly examine the merchandise. The guy starts rattling off the reasons why these watches are the real deal, and displays they are quality by banging the face into the meaty part of my palm. As tempting as it was to purchase a Folex or an Omega Spreemaster, I declined… unfortunately for these guys I had already been Shanghaied my first day, and just because a watch is heavy and can bounce off my hand doesn’t mean I’m gonna buy it. “You guys must think I’m some sort of sucker,” I think to myself as I scrape the last bit of Blizzard from the bottom of my cup. I wanted to tape the experience, as it was all so unique, and a little scary, but you kind of know your place in a situation like that, so my words will have to do…
And the rickshaw ride? I told him I wanted to go to the Oriental Pearl, and he said sure! After ten hair raising minutes (the video really didn’t do the experience justice), he got me there…
Oh, I’m sorry… I should have been more clear. When I said I wanted to go to the Oriental Pearl, I meant I wanted to be able to get to it without having to swim. Oh well, I was able to take the picture and then take a cab. There’s a snake of tunnels going under the river… and you think people drive bad in (insert your city, state, country here)… oh boy. I saw people riding their scooters on the sidewalk here. Christ. The tower experience was worth it, though. Very high up, and that Plexiglas walkway was pretty intense. Still, what the hell is a roller coaster doing that high up only to be totally encased? Huh?
And that’s about it for me. I've glanced at the TV, and while the blue dot hasn’t moved, we are officially doing 0.0 knots. Christmas is right around the corner, and like all of you, I have to round up the rest of my presents, only this year I don’t have the advantage of internet shopping or 24 hour access to land. Speaking of Christmas, we’ve opened our Christmas show, and do it almost exclusively throughout the month of December. It’s a nice show, and I can’t help smiling like an idiot at the end of every performance. I mean, hey, I get to dress as Santa and sing about Rudolph, plus I can now sing “Silent Night” in Japanese… yeah, my job is pretty sweet.
Keep on Livin’ the Dream,
Michael Lamendola
(Resting my tired feet 850 feet above the doo doo brown water of Shanghai)
