Dewayne Bryant's Blog, page 3

A Word for College Students: Twelve Tips for Success

Graduates often say that their college experience made up the best years of their lives. It’s a magical time for meeting new people, making memories, and having formative experiences that will serve you for a lifetime. Here’s the advice I give my students not only as someone who has walked in their shoes, but as a professor who wants every single one of them to succeed.  

#1: Realize that Being a Student is a Full-Time Job. Being a student is not a hobby or part-time exercise; you’re preparing for a career. Focus on developing good habits that will serve you for a lifetime, like time management, balancing priorities, and being professional. Things like this will be expected of you after graduation. Think of college as the training program for your career.  

#2: Go to Class. Be an active participant. Nothing lays the groundwork for failure like skipping class. Some universities do not have attendance policies; some do. Regardless, spend as much time in class as possible. The professor will cover things that aren’t in your textbook, and many relate real-life experiences in their field that will help you later on. Students often report that the more time they spend in class, the less time they have to study outside of class. Remember, you’re in college to learn and prepare for your profession. 

#3: Read your Syllabi. No one reads syllabi for fun, but they contain the information you need to succeed in your coursework. Familiarize yourself with the rules and expectations of your teachers. You will be less likely to ask questions it addresses concerning expectations, due dates, and academic policies. Deadlines matter! Some universities have policies that make-up work will only be accepted if it is late because of an excused absence, for instance. Knowing the professor’s expectations will help you with time management also. 

#4: Learn How to Manage Your Time. College can be hectic at times. You’re expected to have a social life, but you must balance it with the expectations of your professors and your commitments to on-campus organizations and perhaps a part-time job (if you need one). Use tools like planners, calendars, and apps to help you manage study sessions, assignments, and other commitments. For the sake of your health, well-being, and mental readiness, also plan to eat and sleep at regular times. Spend time studying daily—cramming for an exam is the least effective way to learn. Set manageable goals, and don’t procrastinate!

#5: Learn How to Communicate Properly. Communication is one of the most critical skills a person can develop. Know what kind of language is acceptable in a variety of situations. In an age of texting, know how to send a proper email. Know when to use the appropriate salutation, whether Dr., Mr., Mrs., or Ms. Your professors don’t mind you sending them an email late at night, but don’t expect an immediate response or expect them to answer outside of business hours (most will respond within 24-48 hours). Be sure to remain professional at all times—it will set you apart from your peers. 

#6: Take Responsibility. Going to college is not like going to 13th grade. It is a stepping stone between high school and your professional life as an adult—and that carries some pretty weighty expectations and responsibilities. Students may be tempted to shift blame or use the “my dog ate my homework” excuse for missing or failing assignments. Don’t. Honesty is vital, even when it carries consequences. If you need to talk to a professor or academic advisor, do so—the sooner, the better. I can guarantee you that they don’t want you to fail any more than you do.

#7 Get Involved. Every university has a variety of ways to plug into campus life, whether it be social clubs or professional organizations. It’s essential to try new things and meet new people. You can gain experience from interacting with others who have shared interests. Trying new things will help you network, discover job opportunities, find something you’re passionate about, and even make a valuable addition to your resume. 

#8: Learn to Accept Constructive Criticism. You’re in a new stage of life where you’re preparing for a career. Accepting constructive criticism is simply part of life. Contrary to what you might think, the more red marks you see on a paper or assignment probably means the professor is doing you a favor. It takes time to mark an assignment, and he or she is doing so to show you where to improve. 

#9: Address Mistakes Promptly. Life is stressful, and not everything always goes as planned. We all make mistakes but don’t be afraid of them. Whenever some challenge or problem arises, let your professors know immediately.  Don’t allow setbacks or failures to overwhelm you. Addressing them promptly will keep them from piling up and stressing you out even further. Mistakes and even failures can provide learning opportunities to grow. 

#10: Ask Questions. As the old saying goes, “There are no stupid questions.” If you don’t know or don’t understand something, it is likely that several others don’t either. Asking good questions is an important life skill. 

#11: Get to Know Your Professors. Most of them will gladly offer help or sound advice. If you approach them humbly, some of them will bend over backwards to assist you. They may also give you references or recommendations, which will help shape your development. You’ll find that some of them will remain interested in you and your career for years to come. They may be some of the first real adult friends you make. They might even want you to collaborate with them on a future project, which will help your career. 

#12: Exercise. Most colleges have fitness centers. Use them! Staying in shape gives you more energy and helps your overall satisfaction with yourself. Enjoying how you look in the mirror is important. Being healthy is an essential part of self-care. 

There are more things you can do to ensure your success; this isn’t a complete list, nor is it a magic formula that will work without fail. But don’t forget: as long as you keep your priorities in order (with God first), take care of business, and always do right by others, you will be successful in the most important ways.  

Elders, You’re Working Your Preacher to Death

This post is for anyone who cares about their preacher, but especially for elders. And I hope you read every word right to the end. 

Preachers work long hours, often get little support and encouragement, and are woefully underpaid. Not all, but many. And one of the biggest challenges in ministry is meeting the expectations of elderships who act like the minister should be able to work 12-hour days, seven days a week. 

Let me be clear: Elders, some of you are working your preacher to death. Statistics show that most ministers will not retire from ministry because they will get burned out—many after only five to ten years—and pursue secular employment. Ministry is difficult. 

I ran across a posting for an opening for a pulpit minister recently. It was ridiculous. If I can say it, the ad was positively stupid. I don’t know who came up with this impossible list of expectations. It seemed like they asked different groups in the church what they wanted in a minister and compiled everything into a single monster list that would make Superman struggle.

To help you put things in perspective, here are some tasks required of ministers, along with the typical time needed to accomplish them. I hope this provides a good gauge for evaluating what you’re asking your minister to do. 

Preparing sermons. These take time, and lots of it. If you want a solid, well-prepared lesson, the average time is about 5 hours (multiply that by two for Sunday mornings and evenings). One study shows that seven out of ten ministers spend eleven hours or more in sermon preparation weekly. This includes reading over the text, meditating on it, pulling out the meaning, making application, thinking of a good hook to draw the audience in, and finding appropriate illustrations for individual points. It takes even more time if the preacher provides an outline for the bulletin, creates a handout for the audience, and supplies PowerPoint slides to accompany the lesson. There is a positive correlation between good preaching and healthy churches. The more time a minister has to prepare, the better, and more beneficial, the sermon will be.

Preparing classes. Classes are much like sermons. They require preparation time, although a good class will almost certainly include some discussion. This may cut down on preparation time, but it also means that the preacher has to ensure he is ready for any questions members might ask. He also has to investigate difficult verses and be ready to explain them should the need arise. It usually took me four or five hours to prepare a solid class, especially if I made Powerpoint slides or a handout for class members. If a minister preaches twice and teaches two weekly classes, you’re already looking at 20+ hours for classes and sermons alone, not counting planning time for classes and sermon series. 

But that’s not all. You also have activities that aren’t quite as regular but take time. 

Visitation. This includes people in the hospital, shut-ins, nursing home residents, and visitors. Many elders fail to understand how long this takes once you include transit time—a simple trip to the hospital to see one person could easily take a couple of hours. Contacting visitors is typically done at night, meaning that the minister has to do so during the time he would ordinarily spend with his family. Contacting visitors by phone may take at least an hour a week and more if he visits in person (contrary to popular thought, statistics show that most people don’t like it when the preacher shows up on their doorstep unannounced); visiting members in various homes or nursing facilities may take half a day or more. 

Writing Bulletin Articles. Ministers typically write articles for the church bulletin. A quality article may take an hour or more; anything less is a disservice to the congregation and a waste of valuable space in the bulletin.  

Planning, Meetings, and Coordinating. Ministers typically meet with the elders regularly. If the church has other staff members, the minister may also meet with them. Planning for congregational events, community outreach, volunteer efforts, and local evangelism. 

Evangelism. Bible studies and talking with new and prospective converts are part of the evangelist’s role in the church—and an important one at that. 

Funerals. Most elderships consider funerals a simple add-on to the minister’s responsibilities, even if they do not happen often. They rarely realize that a single funeral can take 10-12 hours. This includes visitation with the family, spending time at the funeral home, preparing the eulogy, organizing the service (if necessary), lining up the participants, serving as host for the attendees during the service, remaining at the building during the entirety of the family’s visit (including the time when they stay to visit because they haven’t seen each other in a while), and going to the gravesite for the internment. Funerals often occurs on Saturday or the minister’s regular day off. 

Weddings. Like funerals, weddings don’t happen very often—maybe only a few times per year. But like funerals, they take a great deal of time, often involving pre-marital counseling, preparation for the event, attending the rehearsal and reception, and being available before, during, and after the ceremony.

Counseling. Most elderships want the minister to provide counseling. This is a mistake. Most ministers do not have the requisite training. Anyone needing counseling should be referred to someone with training and experience. For those who are equipped—those with advanced coursework like an undergraduate or graduate degree in counseling or psychology or who are licensed therapists—this is a valuable resource for the congregation. Still, it does take quite a bit of time, even it means sitting down with someone to help them work through a personal difficulty, answer a Bible question, and get general advice on something in their lives. 

This list does not account for such responsibilities as producing a podcast or radio program, editing the bulletin, maintaining the church website, participating in a Bible correspondence course program, attending various meetings throughout the year, helping with yearly events like VBS or gospel meetings, participating in Lads 2 Leaders or Bible Bowl and similar training programs, being on call 24 hours a day for emergencies, and other miscellaneous things. It also does not account for the time the minister needs to study for his own enrichment or minister to his own family to see that their needs are met.  

It’s uncommon to find an eldership who has taken the time to weigh their expectations. Most pile up a wish list with no thought given to the fact that it could take 50+ hours of hard labor to accomplish it all. And sadly, many elderships pay the minister a good median salary for the 1980s or 1990s without insurance, benefits, or adequate time off. They typically require ministers to pay for their own professional development (for ministers, this means lectureships). Some elderships make ministry unnecessarily strenuous while underpaying their preacher because “working for the Lord is its own reward.” 

To all the elders in churches everywhere, I say this: take a long, hard look at your expectations for your minister. Think through what you’re asking him to do, and then see if it’s worth what you’re paying him. Better yet, imagine your child coming to you with that list, and then telling you that this job demands that they pay self-employment tax, and offers no insurance, 401(k), or retirement savings, as well as inadequate time for vacation or compensation for professional development. Would you want your child to take a job like this? If not, why are you asking your brother in Christ to do it? 

Your preacher isn’t your employee. He’s family. 

Elders, many of you risk creating a man who is burned out spiritually; a wife who is desperately lonely; and children who will grow up angry with the church because of how their father and mother were treated.

I know you love God. I know you love the church. Be sure to love your minister, too—because right now, some of you are working him to death. 

Pride Flag Banned in Hamtramck, MI

Our world is nothing if not interesting. Hamtramck, MI made news in June 2023 for its stance against the Pride flag in June 2023. It is currently the only US city with an all-Muslim governing body and mayor. Originally named for the Canadian-born Colonel Jean Francois Hamtramck (1756-1803), the city is also the only Muslim-majority town in the United States. Recently, the city became the center of a somewhat uncomfortable discussion about legal rights.  

This week the city government unanimously passed a resolution banning the display of LGBTQ+ Pride flags on public property. The resolution states, “The City of Hamtramck is one of the most diverse cities in the United States, in which we should proudly promote and embrace its diversity. The City must serve and treat its residents equally, with no discrimination, or special treatment to any group of people.” It also states, “The government of the City of Hamtramck does not allow any religious, ethnic, racial, political, or sexual orientation group flags to be flown on the City’s public properties, and that only, the American flag, and the nations’ flags that represent the international character of our City shall be flown.” 

A local Muslim leader from nearby Dearborn, MI stated, “Pride month, don’t put it down our throats. You can be gay by yourself … Do not put [the Pride flag] on city property.”

There was a related line of reasoning behind the recent decision by the NHL to stop the practice of players wearing pride jerseys, which also cited religious exceptions voiced by a few players and concerns by Russian players over personal security. Russia is heavily influenced by the Orthodox Church and has typically taken a hard stand against homosexuality. 

While the resolution is supposedly aimed at all special groups—which is somewhat loosely defined as any group that does not explicitly represent the city’s multicultural population, it does lead us to wonder whether the resolution was influenced by Islam’s view of homosexuality. Islam associates the sins of Sodom and Gomorrah with lewdness and wickedness, which are widely understood to include homosexuality. One passage in the Qur’an makes this clear:

Surah 7:80-84 – And [remember] when Lot scolded [the men of] his people, [saying,] “Do you commit a shameful deed that no man has ever done before? You lust after men instead of women! You are certainly transgressors.” But his people’s only response was to say, “Expel them from your land! They are a people who wish to remain chaste!” So We saved him and his family except his wife, who was one of the doomed.

In his tafsir (exegesis or interpretation) of Surah 7:84, the renowned Islamic scholar Ibn Kathir notes, “Whoever is found doing the act of the people of Lut [Lot], then kill them; the doer and the one it is done to.” Sadly, this has led to the horrific practice of executing homosexuals by throwing them off the tops of buildings.

The interesting part of this development is that the American political left typically serves as an advocate for both the LGBTQ+ and Muslim communities, typically viewing them as groups who suffer unfair discrimination and each of whom deserve special protection. What happens when those two groups find themselves at odds with one another spells a great deal of frustration for those who try to support both. We can see one example in former mayor Karen Majewski, who is quoted as saying, “We supported you when you were threatened, and now our rights are threatened, and you’re the one doing the threatening.” The mayor should not be surprised, given Islam’s historical position against homosexuality. 

Our world is becoming an increasingly-convoluted moral landscape where opinions, feelings, and emotions carry more weight than reason. When we see worldviews that tend to drift far afield from the truth, it should come as no surprise that they should generate their own internal conflict—which is what we’re seeing in Hamtramck right now. Regardless of political orientation, however, it is vital for Christians to pray and work for peace, harmony, and truth.

The Bible Beyond Sunday

For Christians, going to church is part of our identity. We worship God, take part in Christian community, and enjoy the benefits of studying the Bible and applying its teachings to improve our lives. Sadly, for many of us, it stops there. Lots of Christians treat their Bible like an accessory. It’s part of their Sunday attire but sees minimal action any other day of the week. From an outsider’s point of view, it could seem like nothing more than a mere symbol of religious affiliation. 

Here are four reasons why spending time in our Bible should be something we do every day of the week. 

First, the Bible is designed to instruct us. The apostle Paul told his younger protégé Timothy about the unsurpassed value of Scripture for equipping him—and us—for good works (2 Timothy 3:16-17). This concept is so important that the apostle Peter echoed a similar sentiment in his epistles (2 Peter 1:3). No one does anything without some instruction or plan, whether it’s a job, sport, hobby, or any other human endeavor. The Bible is our guide to life; it’s up to us whether we choose to use it to transform our minds, improve our lives, and help make this world a better place for everyone. 

Second, the Bible gives us a means of navigating the moral complexities of life. In a world mired in moral chaos and confusion, having an unchanging standard provides a great deal of relief. With many competing philosophies in the world, it can be tough to determine which one—if any of them!—is correct. One easy way to do this is to ask two simple questions: (1) Is it consistent? and (2) Does it lead to human flourishing? If you know your Bible, those questions aren’t difficult to answer. 

Third, the Bible gives us a means of resisting temptation (Psalm 119:11). In a world that bombards us with enticements through television, movies, music, and social media, there is no shortage of lures to catch God’s people unawares. Studying the Bible helps us understand temptation’s game plan and how to defeat it. Plus, it’s easier to resist temptation while studying God’s Word. 

Finally, it gives us resilient hope. The Gospels relate a story in which the disciples encountered Jesus walking on the Sea of Galilee (Matthew 14:22-33). Jesus calls Peter to get out of the boat, which he does. But he starts to sink when he takes his eyes off Jesus and begins eyeing the storm around him. The world does the same thing to us. The Bible keeps us focused on what’s important, which includes the continued support of God in our lives and the promised return of Christ in the future.

The Bible is vitally important for numerous reasons: it gives a blueprint for life, reveals our source of ultimate joy, offers us the wellspring of life, and gives us insight into the very heart of our Creator. Nothing else can transform, inspire, encourage, and enlighten. It demands to be valued more than some bauble we wear once a week. 

The Bible wasn’t just made for Sunday. It was made for every other day, too. 

The World is Better With You

I was tired when I went to Walmart this morning. I had washed some dishes, mowed the lawn, and done some other things before 10 AM. Walking out of the store, I saw a man in front of me wearing a black sweatshirt with a message that began, “Dear Person Behind Me ….” I immediately thought, “Great, another one of THOSE shirts. It’ll tell me to social distance, not get too close, or describe the inestimable worth of the person wearing it and how I probably need to worship them.” 

Three milliseconds later, I felt pretty stupid. But I also felt much better about myself because the rest of the message said: 

“The world is a better place with you in it.
– The Person in Front of You.”

What a welcome relief in a world that has grown increasingly selfish and self-centered! It seems like empathy is withering away in our society. That’s a shame because the Bible makes it clear that people hold supreme value. Not only does God praise all of creation—including humanity—as “very good” (Genesis 1:31), Jesus says that his Father is intimately concerned about his creation (Matthew 10:31). Our world often determines our value by what we can accomplish, contribute, or produce. The Bible values us because we’re made in God’s image (Genesis 1:26-27).

Passages describing various aspects of salvation often bring out the worth of each individual. The apostle Paul says that “while we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8). One of the most famous passages in the Bible flatly states, “God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life” (John 3:16). Elsewhere, Paul makes it clear that not only does God value his creation, he was willing to pay for our redemption, no matter the cost. He reminds the Corinthians, “you were bought with a price” (1 Corinthians 6:20). 

As I got in my car, I regretted not stopping to thank the stranger wearing that shirt. Compassion, empathy, and kindness are exceedingly precious in our world. With that in mind, let me say this: 

Dear Person Reading This Post,
The world is a better place with you in it.
– Dewayne

Using Your Anger Properly

Everyone gets angry, but not everyone manages their anger appropriately. Some people believe that the slightest inconvenience justifies a fiery response. Others believe that any display of anger is inherently sinful. Still others believe that getting angry is a right while their opposites think they should never be upset because their likability will suffer. 

The apostle Paul states that we can express ire without sinning: “Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger” (Ephesians 4:6). This isn’t easy. It takes a lot of self-control to be angry in the right way, for the right reason, and for the proper purpose. This is beyond most people’s ability if social media provides any indication. 

Most people think poor anger management results in screaming, cursing, and uncontrollable rage. In these cases, we let our anger get the best of us when we unleash our fury on someone else. But we also mismanage our anger when we do one or more of the following:

Fearing to express your anger, even in a controlled way.Expressing your anger indirectly, using gossip, being sarcastic, giving others the silent treatment, or being passive-aggressive.Allowing others to bully you.Lying awake at night, thinking about things you should have said to someone in a heated conversation.Dreaming about getting back at others who hurt you. Feeling depressed, anxious, or resentful (a result of internalizing anger).

We can be angry and even express it publicly, as long as it’s done properly. To do this, we must determine whether our anger is justified. It’s difficult to do this in the heat of the moment (see Titus 1:7; James 1:19), but we must ask ourselves the following questions:

Is there an intended offense, or is it unintentional? (Biblical anger is not reactionary.)Is an angry response justified, or is it only one of several appropriate responses? If anger is justified, to what extent or degree? What is the most appropriate way to demonstrate our anger in this situation? What is an expression of anger going to accomplish? Is our response motivated—or even tainted—by selfishness, pride, or some other sin? (Anger demands reflection.)Is the response measured, appropriate, and controlled enough to avoid an ever-escalating cycle? (A Christian’s anger should be a measured response that cannot lead to increased suffering for ourselves or others; see Proverbs 15:1; Ecclesiastes 7:9.)Is our response designed to be constructive (that is, ultimately working for the good)?  

(For further consideration, this article at Psychology Today gives some beneficial explanations of what constitutes healthy anger.)

Anger is an powerful emotion. We know that the prophets, psalmists, and other biblical writers often expressed their indignation at injustice, violence, and ungodliness—or just sin in general. Jesus gives us the perfect model of self-control, especially when we see him furious at unrighteousness (Mark 3:5). We have to remember that “the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God” (James 1:20). 

We all get angry. Not all of us can do it and maintain our Christian convictions, at least not perfectly or consistently. We let it get the better of us at times. Because anger is important—and potentially destructive in both word and deed—we must learn how to use it in a way that honors God, confronts sin, demands justice, and works for the good. 

How to Avoid Being a Critic

Complaining is one aspect of human communication. We do it for lots of reasons. We might have a general dissatisfaction with life for no particularly important reason. Then again, we could be the target of someone else’s malice. We might be innocent bystanders caught up in another person’s problems, or the victim of some other unfortunate circumstance.

Why do I mention this? Because our culture has become adept at producing people who like to complain. Not about genuine concerns in our world (e.g., corporate greed, government incompetence, sex trafficking, etc.), but every tiny problem, miscue, or dissatisfaction. All of it needs to be brought to everyone else’s attention—even when it is fairly ridiculous, like when Elizabeth Hurley tweeted to her hundreds of thousands of followers that she only had decaf coffee available one morning. Even the smallest trifles trigger some people to respond with the infamous words of Frank Costanza from Seinfeld, “I’ve got a lot of problems with you people, and now you’re gonna hear about it!”

Ours isn’t the first generation to struggle with complaining. The Israelites did it in the wilderness many times. They complained that Moses had made more work for them (Exodus 5:1-22)—which was probably true. They also complained about being thirsty (Exodus 17:1-4; Numbers 20:1-5)—understandable given the fact that they were in extremely arid conditions. But they tended to romanticize their time in Egypt, describing it as almost like a vacation destination complete with an all-you-can-eat buffet (Exodus 16:3; Numbers 11:5-6). It should go without saying, but God doesn’t look favorably upon complainers. 

In the first century, several New Testament authors reminded their fellow Christians not to complain or grumble on numerous occasions (1 Corinthians 10:10; Philippians 2:14; James 5:9; 1 Peter 4:9) and forgive those who had something against them (Colossians 3:13).

We certainly don’t want to be like that! So how can we help become better people and church members? By doing a little self-examination and discovering what kinds of complaints are legitimate and which ones aren’t. Here are four different types of critics. 

The Mostly Constructive Critic. This person means well and doesn’t have anything against the leadership, congregation, or other people. Some people like to claim that they’re being constructive, but they don’t do a great job of couching their criticism in language that communicates sincerity. Even well-intended criticism comes across as sanctimonious or self-righteous, so we must be absolutely sure that our motives are pure. So how do we become genuinely constructive critics? We could start by adding in some praise. Paul often began his letters with thanksgiving for the recipients and added that he prayed for them before uttering a single word of (rightly-deserved) criticism (e.g., Romans 1:8-15; 1 Corinthians 1:4-9; 1 Thessalonians 1:2-10). 

The Wounded Critic. Everyone hurts sometimes, and some of us want everyone else to know it. It could come from a simple lack of restraint when we let frustration and anger get the better of us. It could be that someone said something hurtful, and we’re just trying to get back at them. Here we would do well to remember the example of Christ—betrayed and abandoned by his closest friends, convicted of a crime he did not commit, and suffering the ignominy of a death reserved for the worst of criminals—who did not condemn or curse. Instead of complaining (Isaiah 53:7; John 12:27), he prayed for his enemies’ forgiveness (Luke 23:34). 

The Self-Serving Critic. Some of us can be adversarial by nature. We have to be very careful that expressing displeasure isn’t coming from us being selfish or self-centered. Some complain because they have an ego problem, suffer from envy, or just like the sound of their own voice. The easiest way to fix this tendency is to ask ourselves, “Before I criticize something or someone, what am I trying to achieve by complaining?” If your criticism doesn’t have a clear goal or offer a solution to a problem, maybe it shouldn’t be said. 

The Adversarial Critic. Some people have a mean streak. Maybe they’re like the Wounded Critic and have suffered some trauma they carry with them. Then again, perhaps they like to fight. Whatever the case, this person will criticize others and might even be cruel about it. The problem is compounded when the interaction is online, and the critic is afforded the protection of blasting other people from behind a computer screen. If we’re busy thinking about ways we can hurt someone else, we need to take a step back and think about how we can build others up instead of tearing them down. Destruction is the devil’s work (1 Peter 5:8). Building up is the work of God’s saints (Hebrews 13:3). 

There are times when criticism is not only valid but needed. Here are a few passages that will help us in this area.

One way to defeat a complaining spirit is to practice the art of forgiveness (Colossians 3:13). Another is to stop and consider that no problem in this world is bigger than the God you serve, that you are his beloved child (Galatians 3:26), and that your destiny as a Christian is to be glorified with Christ forever (Romans 8:17). Jesus says that if we have a problem with someone, we should be discreet (Mathew 18:15). Criticism should not be a spectator sport.Only those who persist in wrongdoing should receive a public rebuke (1 Timothy 5:20). For anyone who wants to condemn another person openly, they need to make sure they have exhausted every other option first. Paul says that if we have a problem with someone, we should treat the matter with gentleness (Galatians 6:1). Anyone can become defensive when criticized or confronted—we have to make sure that the other person sees our genuine concern in a way that will win them over. Our job as Christians is to help one another grow up in every way into Christ by speaking the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15). 

So there we have it: Scripture is clear that if we decide to approach someone with a complaint, we need to do it in genuine love with tact and gentleness, with the goal of helping that person. No one likes to receive complaints. But Christians shouldn’t like giving them, either. 

Little Lies – Are They All That Sweet?

Everyone faces the temptation to lie. Whether trying to get out of trouble, shirking an unpleasant responsibility, evading unwanted attention, mitigating an embarrassing situation, or exaggerating the truth just a bit to show up a rival who always talks about himself, we all stretch the truth from time to time (And even that’s a best-case scenario. Studies suggest that people can lie a few times per day to a few times every hour in certain circumstances. And we’ve all heard of (and maybe even told) white lies like calling in sick to work when we really want a day off or saying something untrue to make someone else feel better in a vulnerable moment. It could be that we’ve told a “big fish” tale that has grown over time with each retelling. 

Although we often downplay it, lying is a pretty big deal. It was through deception that the serpent murdered the human race in Eden (Genesis 3:1-19). God says that he hates lying lips (Proverbs 12:22). The apostle Paul says that deception belongs to the old self (Colossians 3:5-10), which means it is fundamentallyunchristian. 

Some of us might say, “So I told a little fib. What’s the big deal when it doesn’t hurt anyone?” Even small lies are significant. Research shows that telling inconsequential untruths conditions us to tell bigger ones. To put it differently, when we succeed in telling little lies, subconsciously, our brains believe that we can tell larger ones without consequence. It’s the age-old problem of desensitization to sin. Even little “terminological inexactitudes” can have a cumulative effect. 

Many of us—maybe all of us—tell untruths daily. Let’s look at some of the most prevalent lies out there. 

Phone Lies. Did you want to get out of telling someone you didn’t want to talk to them? How about, “My phone died”? Another version is, “My phone is about to die”—a classic exit strategy for a conversation that has grown stale. Then there’s “I had a problem with my phone,” which is general enough to cover many conversational issues, including letting someone go to voicemail because you’d rather not talk to them at the moment. But your problem wasn’t with your phone—it was with the person, and you lied about it—perhaps without hesitating.

Lies about Punctuality. When someone is expecting us, and we haven’t arrived yet, we might be tempted to tell them, “I’m almost there.” Of course, sometimes we do it when we haven’t even left yet. Another version is “I’m five minutes away.” Are you five minutes away? Or is it more like twenty? This lie runs the risk of getting compounded, especially because you can say you’re five minutes out and then blame traffic (another lie) when you arrive twenty minutes later. Sometimes you can use the latter all by itself. Who hasn’t been caught behind a traffic accident or unexpected road construction or somehow seemed to hit every red light on their trip? It might be believable, but our question is, “Is it true?” If it is, that’s fine—but not if it’s just covering the fact that we waited too long to leave or mismanaged our time and tried to disguise it with deceit. 

Lies about Expectations. Maybe we’ve been busy (or slacking off) and haven’t gotten something done. It’s easy to say, “I’m almost finished,” or “I can have it done by tomorrow.” This lie creates stress and pressures us to live up to our word, which may or may not happen depending on our to-do list. We might say, “It slipped my mind,” or “I was swamped” when we miss a deadline—but what we mean is, “What you wanted just isn’t a priority for me,” or “I didn’t budget enough time to get it done.” 

Lies about Social Engagement. These are some of the most easily-told lies in the book. You don’t want to spend time around someone? “I’ve already got plans.” If you want a way out of something or leave prematurely? “I have an appointment.” What about making that person feel better when you’ve been avoiding them? “I’ve been busy.” And for an easy exit from some impromptu plans you’d rather evade? “I’m tired” or “I’m not feeling well.” Most people can see these excuses from a mile away, but it is challenging to find the proper wording to get out of situations like these without hurting someone’s feelings. If the truth is as important as the Bible says, maybe we should consider how to say “no” politely. 

Work Lies. Unless you’re Superman and have never caught a common cold, virtually everyone has called in sick to work (or, if you’re a student, ditched class). According to one poll, over a third of the American workforce have called in sick when they weren’t ill. Almost half have caught an employee lying about being sick by checking their social media accounts. It’s hard to know whether these are accurate numbers because it reflects only those who are admitting the truth.

Lies about Communication. This is a broad range of things. It could cover telling someone that you thought you sent an email that you never did or saying that you didn’t get a message or it went to your spam folder. Maybe you are convinced you sent that email, because we all have moments where we think about something so much that we believe we did it when we didn’t. That’s an honest mistake, but not if we lie about it. 

Lies in Relationships. This is one of the most impactful areas for falsehoods because telling lies crosses important boundary lines. If your friend or loved one catches you telling a lie, no matter how small, they will wonder, “Where’s the line? What won’t they lie about?” Less blatant—or perhaps more excusable—are lies like, “I’m fine” or saying “Nothing” when asked what’s wrong. This is unwise, especially if we say it but want the other person to pull information out of us (which is disingenuous). It’s much better to be honest than expect other people to read our minds. But we also shouldn’t swing to the opposite extreme by telling someone that we won’t get angry if they’re honest with us and then get angry anyway. 

Lying to the Police. Specifically when it comes to traffic violations, and especially when it involves how fast you were driving before you got pulled over. “No, officer, I didn’t know how fast I was going.” It was on that giant dial right in front of your face, but maybe you’re driving a different car, and it just got away from you without you noticing, or you have a rare case of macular degeneration that only works with speedometers. That’s possible but statistically less likely than you just lied to the officer in the hopes he might let you go with a warning. 

Lies on Your Resume. There’s a nearly unlimited number of opportunities to lie on your resume or application or when being interviewed by a potential employer. You want a particular job and are willing to stretch the truth to get it—especially when you can claim proficiency in something and then figure you can make it truthful by getting up to speed before you start if the person hires you. You may not know how to do it now, but you can before your hire date, right? Guess what? Still a lie. You can’t tell a falsehood and later make it true. 

This doesn’t even begin to touch those moments when we lie to someone to spare their feelings or encourage them in a vulnerable moment. Those are lies, too, even if they are well-meaning. But it’s like the old saying about good intentions: the road to hell is paved with them. 

No one likes being caught in a lie. That can happen whether it’s big or small. Much more significant is the issue of the importance of truth. Jesus says he is the truth (John 14:6), as is God’s Word (John 17:17). One lie doomed the human race. One lie can violate someone’s trust and ruin a relationship. They are incredibly powerful, and are part of the reason why James spends quite a bit of time talking about the power—and danger—of the tongue (James 1:26; 3:1-12). 

God cannot tell anything other than the truth. If we’re going to imitate him (Ephesians 5:1-2), his standard is one we should strive for. Even little lies can pose big problems.

Twelve Things You Need to Know About Your Preacher

In reflecting upon my time as a full-time minister, I’m thankful for the opportunities I had to serve in two different congregations as a preacher. I encountered many wonderful people, many of whom I remember fondly and miss dearly. Unfortunately, many people have no idea what it takes to be a successful minister or how many daily challenges they face. 

I’ve created a list of things I wish people had known when I was a minister. I hope this helps you to appreciate your ministers better. It’s a long post, but please take the time to read this entire list. Come back to it in a couple of days and reread it. Then make one of your New Year’s resolutions to encourage your minister more this year. 

#1 He is Lonely, and So is His Wife. This is a big one. People usually keep the preacher at arm’s length. It’s almost as if preachers have a holy aura around them that ordinary folk instinctively avoid. Consequently, preachers rarely get invited to hang out with other guys. His wife will get very few invitations to spend time with other ladies. While everyone else goes out to lunch on Sunday with friends or on short trips or vacations with other families in the congregation, the minister’s family will be at home. Few people seem to realize that ministers and their wives need social contact, too—and then they’ll see the pictures everyone else posts on Facebook. Statistics indicate that seventy percent of ministers (1) do not have a close friend in the congregation where they serve and (2) constantly battle depression. Fifty percent are so discouraged that they would leave the ministry if they had another way to support their families. 

#2 Ministers and Their Families are Watched Constantly. Ministers and their families are often the most highly-scrutinized members of a congregation. They live in a fish bowl where everything pings on the radar: the slightest misstep, a word spoken out of turn, a simple error in judgment, looking at someone the wrong way, not shaking someone’s hand every single service. The same goes for his wife and kids. His wife will likely be criticized more often than any other woman in the congregation. Members sometimes feel they have the right to correct his children. In all, ministers and their families are held to a higher standard than almost anyone else. 

#3 He Will be Criticized Often, Many Times Without Just Cause. Ministers become experts in receiving criticism from people who complain to them because they don’t know who else to pester. If you want to know the most vicious and cruelest things that one Christian has ever said to another, talk to a minister. They’ve almost got a monopoly on it. But it isn’t just him—his wife and kids get it, too. The minister’s children often get rebuked because it sends a message to other kids or the youth group. And the preacher’s wife will receive similar treatment, especially if she has responsibilities. My wife oversaw the K-6 education program at one congregation. She was criticized for absurd things like the color of the paint on the walls (not her decision) or the decorations in the classrooms (the teachers’ responsibility). For reasons like this, many ministers keep their guard up because we’ve all been burned at some point in the past. Unfortunately, members rarely say anything positive when they’re pleased; they reserve comments for when they’re upset—which means that when members talk to the minister, what he hears is primarily negative. Statistics show that forty percent of ministers have a serious conflict with a church member at least once a month. The church should be full of Christians, not Karens. 

#4 Members will Gossip about the Minister and His Family. You’d like to think that members would be more spiritually mature, but no. Plenty of Christians will gossip about the minister. He will work hard to care about each person even though he knows some of them would verbally stab him in the back in a heartbeat. I’ve been gossiped about, lied about, and criticized without warrant, but I still had to keep a stiff upper lip about it (so did my wife) because if I reacted the way other people might be tempted to respond, I could have lost my job. 

#5 Members Will Challenge the Preacher in His Knowledge of Scripture. The Bible is one of only a few areas where the barest hint of study is seen as the equivalent of a Ph.D. Although the minister is a “professional” whose knowledge and facility with Scripture far surpasses that of most of the other members (it comes with the territory when you spend roughly 30-35 hours a week in sermon and class preparation), he will be treated far less, sometimes with condescension. I had one member who would ask me questions, and if I didn’t answer them the way she wanted (read: in a way that agreed with her), she would throw her hands up in the air and walk off in frustration, telling me that I hadn’t answered her at all. I had another member who would email me questions about my sermons. He didn’t listen very well because he would often get the opposite impression of what I said and then call me to account for it—and sometimes complain to the elders. 

#6 He is On Call 24/7. The preacher is the point man for the congregation. If someone needs to get into the building but doesn’t have a key, or needs to help prepare for a wedding, or if delivery needs to be made, the ministers are the go-to guys. They often babysit the church building because they’re the paid staff—even though it’s never part of the job description. According to statistics, the average minister works at least 50 hours a week (in 2020, during the COVID scare, it was far worse; I routinely worked 65-75 hours a week). They don’t have an end to their workday, and three-day weekends are about as common as seeing a real-life unicorn. They rarely get a day off, which might even include their time on vacation. Even when taking personal time for some needed R&R, people still call the minister for advice or for mundane things that someone else could take care of. I’ve spent entire vacations fielding calls almost daily from church members who knew I was out of town. This contributes to burnout—one of the most common reasons why ministers quit. 

#7 He Will Probably be Underpaid. Most people don’t realize that ministers are typically underpaid for their skills. Finding a comparable job in the public or private sectors would be generously compensated by comparison. Ministers also pay self-employment tax. Although they get some pretty good benefits (such as a housing allowance, which designates a portion of their salary as tax-free), self-employment tax devours a large part of it. Many people feel like the preacher shouldn’t do well (to keep him humble) or shouldn’t make more than the lowest-paid elder or deacon. They also don’t get retirement, medical insurance, or many other benefits that other jobs offer. (If I were to write an honest job description but leave out the fact that it was for a ministerial position, you wouldn’t want it.) Elderships may even justify paying the minister less because they believe the real reward is doing the Lord’s work.

#8 Ministers Will be Blamed for the Church’s Failings. Even today, too many people see the minister as paid labor for the church. They sit back and expect him to do the lion’s share of the work. Not enough conversions? Not enough baptisms? Not enough people placing membership? It must be the minister’s fault. And if the dry spell goes on long enough, the church will fire him and hire another one, and another one, and another one—all the while failing to understand that a church will not grow when it has a minister who works himself to death while members sit in the pews like spectators. The real problem is often within and has nothing to do with the minister’s performance. Lots of ministers get blamed for bad leaders or individuals and families who run people off.

#9 Preachers are not Pastors, but Members Expect Them to be Pastors. Scripture says nothing about going to ball games, plays, or other school activities, although many ministers choose to do that. It also says nothing about the minister being the only one to visit shut-ins or the sick. There are a lot of pastoral responsibilities that elderships cede to the minister because he’s the hired hand.  

#10 Preachers frequently deal with discouragement. They work long hours, weather criticism and gossip, and are commonly expected to fix or apologize for others’ mistakes. It should come as no surprise that 35-50 percent of ministers don’t last five years, 60-80 percent don’t last ten years, and only one in ten will retire from ministry. Many people in your congregation wouldn’t last a year as a minister.

#11 When a Minister Loses His Job, He Starts Over from Scratch. Most people don’t have to leave town, sell their homes, and uproot their families if they lose their job—they find another one. Ministers losing their jobs lose their friends, homes, and communities. But so do their wives and children. There are countless stories of a minister fired because one elder didn’t like him or he was unpopular with a tiny group of individuals at church. Maybe one of the well-to-do members who held the purse strings wanted him gone, or he was the victim of an influential member who conspired against him. Maybe the eldership expected him to fix something that was beyond his power to repair. There are many unfair reasons why a minister may be let go, but it doesn’t just affect him; it affects his entire family. Some churches treat preachers like fast food fry cooks and then have the audacity to wonder why so many former preacher’s kids leave the church or become unbelievers. Who helps turn ministers’ kids into atheists? Look at the person in the pew beside you. Or the mirror. 

#12 The Minister Serves the Church, but He Fights for His Family. One of the most significant areas of concern for any minister is his family, especially his children. Imagine what a child thinks when they see their father (and mother) criticized, gossiped about, verbally challenged, and blamed for things beyond their control. When their father has to cut short family time because of a church emergency—or what someone thinks is an emergency. When they get blamed for things because they’re the preacher’s kids, and it’s “safe” to rebuke them to send a message to the rest of the youth. When they’re trying to figure out why their family doesn’t get invited to social events like their friends’ families do. Why their parents don’t seem to have any close personal friends in the congregation. The list could go on and on. Ministers are cheerleaders for the church. They also have to put up a rearguard defense for their children against some of the very people they’re serving.

My family and I have dealt with every one of the twelve problems listed above in almost every church I’ve served, whether as a pulpit minister, involvement minister, or teacher in a school of preaching. These are my observations from personal experience; there are other issues ministers face that I haven’t experienced. Please read this carefully: the list above merely represents what is often par for the course. There are worse things ministers endure that didn’t make my cut.  

Thank your minister for doing all the things that most people never see. Invite him to spend some time with you and your family after lunch next Sunday. You might even think about giving him a token of your appreciation. Then make a plan to do something every few weeks to show him and his family that they aren’t just hired hands but are truly your spiritual family. 

Chances are, they really need it. 

Before You Post

There are lots of jerks on social media. You deal with them all the time. They make you angry and might even ruin your day. But let’s be honest: sometimes, that person is you. 

It’s usually because we react to something without giving it due consideration. Because social media is a somewhat limited medium, there are countless opportunities to misinterpret what someone else says. We might misunderstand the other person or misread what they wrote. We might not detect sarcasm or satire. At the same time, we don’t want to compound the problem by responding to someone in a way that is unfitting or unbecoming. 

Here are some things to help us keep from being “that person” on social media. 

Imagine what Jesus would say if he saw your Facebook posts, tweets, Snapchats, Truths, or Instagram photos. Would he approve of your tone, approach, and language? Examine your motives. Are you bragging, seeking approval, being sarcastic, rabble-rousing, or expressing discontent so someone will support you? You can’t underestimate the value of purity and genuineness. Before you respond to someone else’s post—either in agreement or disagreement—read it a second time. Then wait 60 seconds and read it a third time. Make sure you’re responding to what the person is saying rather than your favorite hobbyhorse that has very little to do with the post. You don’t want to make yourself look like a fool in front of everyone.If you disagree with someone, imagine giving your response to the person’s face rather than banging out a reply on the keyboard behind the shield of obscurity offered by a computer screen. (Imagine the worst insults you’ve ever received online, then try to think if you’ve ever gotten anything as bad in person. That should tell you something!)Write what you have to say, then read it from the other person’s perspective. For good measure, read it in the worst possible way. See what trigger words or inflammatory language might need adjustment or elimination. Ask yourself, “Is my response going to further the discussion positively, or will it generate friction and conflict?”Make sure you are confident that your claims can be verified with facts. Be ready to offer links to research on reputable websites (i.e., not a site run by some tinfoil hat-wearing ghoul living in his grandmother’s guest bedroom). Resist the temptation to fight fire with fire. A carefully reviewed, cool-headed response could make the other person realize that their online behavior is unacceptable. 

One of the worst problems with social media is that it makes us complicit in our own misery. Imagine this scenario: you post an opinion on a social media website. Someone disagrees with you and belittles your point of view. You take this as a personal attack. Rather than writing the person off as a crank, you get sucked into a back-and-forth where both of you are caught up in the loop of defending your latest response. It escalates to the point that both of you are waiting for the other to respond so you can destroy them with biting sarcasm, a witty comeback, or a devastating put-down. 

Who wins? Nobody. You’re both miserable because your egos won’t let it go. 

What’s worse is if the other person—the jerk—was just someone having a rough day. Or who made an ill-advised reply, thinking it would be funny. Or who had a very different sense of humor from yours. Or who misread or misunderstood what you wrote. You know, the things that might trip up anyone on any given day. 

Social media is full of disquieting ironies. It makes us more connected digitally but makes us less connected physically. It puts us in closer touch with others online yet drives us farther apart by generating friction and contention. It gives us hundreds of friends with few meaningful relationships. Groups and chats provide numerous opportunities for connection, but blocking and unfollowing offer means of punitive rejection. On the plus side, it provides fertile ground for the frequent application of the Golden Rule. 

The Jewish rabbi and theologian Abraham Joshua Heschel once remarked, “When I was young, I admired clever people. Now that I am old, I admire kind people.” The Internet is full of clever people. But if you want someone to inspire you, support you, brighten your day, or give you a light in your darkest hour, you don’t look for someone clever. You want someone kind. 

And you never know—that kind person someone else desperately needs at that moment just might be you.